Cycle breakers

Being the first in your family to break the cycle is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It means healing wounds you didn’t cause. It means setting boundaries that make people uncomfortable. It means choosing peace over patterns — even when it hurts.

This episode is for the cycle breakers.
The ones who were told to “just get over it.”
The ones who carry stories they never got to tell.
After surviving so much, those who are learning how to be soft again.

I talk about the loneliness, the silent grief, and the strength it takes to keep going when no one around you understands. I also share how we forgive those who didn’t know better and build something new with love, not bitterness.

https://www.instagram.com/emotional_conversationswithe/

HOM, Hour of Meditation- https://www.youtube.com/live/_5KWa_UszFg?si=dKLdh8_quky2t3vH 

Transcript

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Hello, hello out there. Welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Big Esther, Big E, nevertheless. And listen, I'm excited to have y'all here today. Of course, I'm gonna let the beat right out for y'all. Hello, hello, hello, everyone. I'm super excited to have everybody back here. Thank you guys so much for being with me today, of course. And listen, shout out to all my first time listeners, my last time listeners, and the people that have been rocking with me. Yerp. Um, yeah. Welcome. Hello. Um, I'm your host. Listen, I'm the hostess with the Moses, and I'm just your gracious host. And my name's Esther, Abby Ula Johnson, and I'm just really happy to have you guys here. It's um, yeah, it's giving I don't like listen, June kind of left us like it had somewhere to go. June had somewhere to go. I don't know what's going on. If you're in Edmonton, shout out to everybody. The weather's been really interesting. It's been raining, then it's hot, then it's not raining. It's really, really interesting. But I'm just really, really, really happy to be back. I have an amazing episode, an amazing, an amazing conversation I want to have with you guys. And, you know, I really pray that when you guys hear this episode and yeah, like I just get to share my heart with you guys. I pray that you guys are not only hearers of the word, but doers of the word. And I really hope that you guys take from this podcast and apply it to your life in any way, shape, or form that you can. But you know, whether that's just really taking a look at your life and reflecting and just believing that you are, you really are him or you really are her and that you matter and that you're cared for and you're loved. And we know that listen, emotional conversations with Esther is a safe place. It's a place where you're seen, you're heard, you're loved. And I can't wait to start having you guys on this podcast so that we can really share your life's experiences and hear your stories so they can bless and uplift other people. Yeah, so guys, we're almost in June. I mean, we're June. Look, look at that. We're almost in July. Okay, it's giving the summer's about to end. Like, if you know anything about Edmonton, then you know that Edmonton summers are pretty sharp. They're pretty short. They come and they're gone. They're coming like you blink and you miss it. So I hope everyone's getting out there, enjoying themselves, having fun, grilling, barbecuing, going to festivals, hanging out with their friends, and working hard. You know what I mean? It's it's it's been an interesting year so far. 2025 has been quite the year. If you know what I mean. Trump is at it again, but don't fear, don't fret. Don't you dare fret. God is with us. The Lord got your back, okay? So yeah, um, give your life to Christ if you if you if listen, if you're new here, be in my house, we will serve the Lord. I always say that. I am a I'm a believer. I love Jesus Christ, I love Jesus, the Holy Spirit, everything, okay? Period. That's my daddy, my daddy. And in this house, we will serve the Lord. So you will hear a lot about the Lord because that's just a part of that's that's the air I breathe. Okay, that's my big, big homie. And yeah, so don't worry, don't fret, but give your life to Christ if you haven't. It's a really, really good time over here. God is good, you know. He's always been good, he's gonna be good, and he's faithful, and he's true. So I hope everyone is doing amazing out there. Hold on, okay. Do not be frightened by everything that's going on in the world because right now it just feels and looks like the world is literally on fire, literally, but the Lord will always prevail. So I wanted to talk about something that I actually seen my girl, my girl Esther. If you don't know who she is, then let me tell you a little bit about Esther. So Esther is an author, she is a therapist, she is called to really help this generation with her voice and all the amazing skills that she has and gifts that she has. But she has a podcast called Hear Me Out, and please, please, please, you can find on Spotify and all streaming platforms called Hear Me Out Esther Morah. And she was on TikTok, she posted some. I'm listening whoa, clap for me. Clap for me. Because I'm finally on TikTok, y'all. Like, I really didn't think that like I would join the TikTok bandwagon or whatever that is, but because I really want to put my um you know my podcast out there, and I really want people to listen so people can be blessed, so people can be uplifted and people can really feel like they're heard, they're seen, and they're cared for. That's really, really important to me. I just went on TikTok so I can start posting like short clips of what's to come or, you know, a pot in episode that I have. And I was just kind of on TikTok really quickly, and I seen that my friend Esther that I was talking about, she posted something and she was talking about, you know, essentially being the first person in your family or your lineage to do something and why, you know, it can seem like there's so many trials and tribulations. And that actually just started so much for me. Like her words were simple but so powerful, and it really just made me think like that is so true. That's one. And I don't think that we talk about that enough. I I I really don't feel like we really talk about the folks that are uprooting the foundations that were built by generations. Okay, their mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers. Listen, ancestors, they're uprooting that foundation and starting it, you know, making a new one, building a new one, and how challenging and how scary that can be. And that really, really, her words really, really spoke to me because I was like, oh my gosh, like that's what I'm experiencing. That's what my siblings are experiencing, that's what some of my friends are experiencing. And listen, shout out to everybody that, you know, have parents and family where that work was done before you. That's amazing. That's like so beautiful. And I think that itself in itself is not talked about enough. But I wanted to talk to the people that, you know, the Lord has sent on a mission to do that for their generations and their lineage and their family. I I really I'm telling you that I really reflected on this and I it's a there's a lot to unpack here. There's really, really a lot to unpack here because it's a big responsibility. It is a very big responsibility, and a lot of times when we're going through it, or when that responsibility has put been put on you, you you first of all, you don't understand. You have to be very self-aware. When you have to be self-aware, you have to look around and say, okay, what something has to give here. You know what I mean? Being the first person to break any generational cycle, any generational curse, any generational um habit, good or bad, whatever it is, it's not cute, it's not glamorous, like it can really be heavy. Like it can be heavy, it can be lonely. And one thing for sure, one thing for sure, it's is it's exhausting. It's really exhausting. But you know what? One thing that I do know also is that it's really worth it. So if you're the one, you know, that you're, you know, if you're the one that's in your family and you're standing ten toes down, you're like, no more. This ends with me. This ends with us. This episode is for you. Okay, so I want you to understand that no more silence. We're not gonna be silenced about what we're going through. There's no more shame. Because listen, you're gonna go through some shame, and they're definitely gonna try to silence you. And, you know, we're we're not going to we are cycle breakers. Like, I hope that somebody writes that on their mirror, like, or wherever, to just like really motivate them. Go on Canva, make it make an image that says cycle breaker. I am a cycle breaker. Because I think sometimes when we say generational curses and things like that, like people don't take it too seriously. But you know, I I put this in Chat GPT, and I just wanted to like learn more about it. And it told me, like, you are a cycle breaker, Esther. You are uprooting the earth that has been planted spiritually, okay, and in reality of so many things, so many things, and I want to share some of because it can be it can be a really, really interesting time. I want to jump right into why breaking generational trauma and being a cycle breaker can be so hard. I want to use the word hard, I want to use the word exhausting, I want to use the word challenging, I want to use the word lonely because I find that we correlate a lot like that that word with a lot of like negativity and sadness and shame. And you will experience that. You will definitely experience that. We're in a society where we don't want to talk about our shame, we don't want to talk about our trauma really, um, unless it's gonna make us some money or it's gonna get us some type of recognition. And I was listening to a podcast today too, actually, and the gentleman was saying, Tim Ross, he was saying that vulnerability is like this thing now. Like, oh my gosh, I'm vulnerable. I'm hot, open, I'm hot. So that's what is that honest, open, and transparent or something like that. Look at me. I'm so I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm so vulnerable. Like, yeah, that's that's that's really interesting. It's left to you to really be the judge of that. It's left to you to know who really wants to share their story and be vulnerable to help people grow and to push the kingdom forward and to push um just being your entire whole self forward. There's some people that you can tell they're acting. And so when people talk about trauma, when people talk about shame, and and it's not all the time, but I find that I've realize I'm realizing that I I I see that a lot. It's very marketable for you to be transparent. They'll tell you the surface stuff that they think that they've dealt with, but not the real things that people can really be healed from, right? So I'm gonna get into a little bit of that today because I I really want people to understand that they're not alone. Because this thing can very it can feel very, very lonely. Because you're not just learning, you know, unlearning habits, you're digging up roots, roots of anger, roots of abandonment, roots of guilt, shame, fear, scarcity mindset, survival. And it's it's not it's not easy because you you know, we don't start off with the tools, we don't have a blueprint. We don't have like you don't have the Holy Spirit right out of your mother's womb. You don't know that you're called yet. You don't and when you do find out that you're called, that's a whole nother conversation. No one taught no one taught me how to deal with my emotions. No one, no one helped me, you know, no one modeled a healthy what healthy love looks like in a relationship like in a romantic relationship and in a platonic relationship. And this was not to no fault of my parents. They came from a generation where they weren't taught, and it was just passed on to me. One plus one equals two. That's how it, that's how it goes. And I thank Jesus Christ. I thank the Lord that He chose me and my siblings to say, no, it stops here. Enough is enough. Like, we're not gonna take this lying down. Like me and my sister always say to us, we're gonna fight till the end. We are going to fight till the end. Because thank Jesus, he had a plan for me. He had a plan for me and my siblings. He knew us in our mother's womb. He knew that these ones, these ones, and I'm sure they tried. I'm sure the generations before us tried. It's not easy. It is not easy. They probably tried and maybe they failed. It's definitely not easy. So I don't look down on my parents. They tried the my bioparents, they tried the best, I'm sure, that they could with what they had. I'm so blessed. God has so much mercy. Thank God for my church. Thank God for my spiritual father, Apostle Emmanuel Ladeusi, who has held my hand through my Christian walk. Thank God for the leaders at my church. Thank God for the people, the community that I've found. A lot of people don't have that. And just because I have those things doesn't make that, it doesn't mean that, you know. It does make it more, I don't want to say easier, but I thank the Lord because it gives me more guidance and it's helped me form tools to fight back. Right? Listen, it's a it's a real spiritual thing. It's a real like and it's not no weird stuff, it's a spiritual thing. These are years and years and hundreds of years of same habits, same routines. I know I have some friends that their mother had their first child at 14, they had their child around 14, 15, their sisters had like it's it's it's a generational curse. Like I have friends also that no one in their family has ever been married, or if they've been married, all of them have ended in divorce, and now they have they are getting divorced. It's a cycle. That's why, you know, that's why we're cycle breakers. No one taught me how to be how to deal with my emotions, feel my emotions, what my emotions are, what what you know what I mean? I didn't know that. No one modeled that for me. So I'm the first we're the first ones. Me and my siblings are the first ones that are trying to heal this house. We're trying to heal this generation, we're trying to heal the foundation because we want better for my nieces and nephews, we want better for their kids and their kids and their kids. And I just want to tell you that we like I see you, I hear you, I understand you, I love you. You're not alone. We are in this together, cycle breakers. In the beginning, literally, it's it's dark. First of all, you have to get to the place where you're like, okay, what's going on? It has to stop with me. I want to be married, I want to be wealthy, I want to have financial freedom. I I I don't want I don't want my family to be plagued with mental health issues. I don't want divorce. I I want to be able to have genuine connections with my friends and family. I I don't want to be an avoidant. I don't want to, you know, just continue with these these habits. I don't I don't want that. So when you decide to do that, of course it's gonna be dark. Anything that is worth doing, anything that is worth anything takes a long time. It takes effort, it takes strategy, it takes love. You will only get through this with love, you will only be able to uproot the deep, deep roots of discouragement, the deep, deep roots of anger, sadness, bitterness, shame with love. And I prom and and the part that I really want to talk about is when you are called to do that, or when you put it above when you put it on yourself, if you call yourself, that's okay too. You just gotta be ready. It's it can be dark, it can be a dark time, and I'm here to tell you the truth. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. You'll feel like the enemy in the family for setting boundaries. You're gonna be called too sensitive, you're gonna be disrespected, you're gonna be called rebellious just for choosing your peace, for choosing peace for your life, for choosing I'm going to walk with God, for choosing this stops with me. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm not gonna cuss all the time when I'm around my friends and family. I'm not going to be an alcoholic. I'm not gonna use vices and sex and drugs and food to heal me. I don't want to be a narcissist like my father was, like my mother was. I'm just saying in general, guys, because my parents weren't that, but we are all going through different things. You're going to have to stand strong. And and one of the hurtful, one of the most hurtful things I talked about this, one of my girlfriends, grieving the people who are still alive, that's a different type of grieving. I honestly, when you gotta grieve friends and family, because let me tell you something. When you decide to change, when you decide in your heart of hearts that you know what, I want change, and listen, you're gonna fall, you're gonna have to get back up. You're gonna fall and you're gonna get back up. But when you decide to change, people will leave you, and that's okay because they can't face the pain. They cannot face the pain, and you can't blame them and you can't be upset at them. You can't take everyone with you. So you have to grieve those relationships while those people are still alive, and that is very, very painful. My pat my pastor preached something called um traumatized by the cross. And it was just about, you know, even though you're in the, you know, even if even though you're born again and things like that, you can be traumatized by church folks, you can be traumatized by some of the things that the Lord might ask you to do. Like, that's real, right? This journey is probably gonna traumatize you. It's probably, but but God is so good. It says in the Bible that there will be trials and tribulations in this life, whether you believe in God, whether you don't believe in God, whatever, if you believe in Buddha, if you believe in whoever, you are going to face trials and tribulations. How you react or how you act during those seasons of your life is so important. It's so important, especially when you are trying, when you are a s a cycle breaker. And you're gonna feel like the outsider, you're gonna feel like a black sheep. That's that's that's okay. Just call yourself the sacrificial lamb. Listen, the Lord had to come and die on the cross for us. He was a sacrificial lamb. And and and because we are made in his image, we have to go through some of the things that the Lord went through. And that's not period. Listen, I'm saying this because I'm saying this now because I'm I'm um the Lord is opening me up to more things. Now, I'm not saying that I don't cry, I cry probably every other day. I cry out unto the Lord, like Jesus, help me. There's there's this um TikTok of this little black girl. She's like in her room, and her mom like shows up, and for some reason she's like, help me, Lord, help, help me, Lord, help me, help me, Lord. And me and my sister always sing that song. Just a little girl, okay? I don't know what she was asking the Lord for, but she might have been like four. But listen, I cry out to the Lord. I'm always like, help me, Lord, help me, help me, help me, Jesus, help me, Lord. I be crying out to the Lord. I be crying out to the Lord because it's not easy. When I want to break down, I ooh, ooh. Listen, if you know, you know. People don't talk about this. Healing can be isolating. You can look around and make a decision like I ain't gonna drink no more. No, actually, I ain't I ain't gonna do none of that no more. You know what? I ain't gonna sleep around no more. I don't want to do that no more, Keisha. I don't I don't wanna do that no more. And you you might lose your friends. You when you choose to stand on business about you, when you choose to actually thoroughly heal from the inside out, you're gonna lose some people because you guys are no longer like-minded, you guys are no longer aligned, and that's okay. And that might be family, blood, that might be your spouse. Let's talk about it. That might be your spouse, that might be your best friend from sandbox. But one thing that I'm realizing that you really, really have to you have to stand on business. You can't fall for everything, you gotta stand for everything, or you might fall for everything. I want to talk about the loneliness part of going first, of being the first person to break, you know, generational curses in your family, being a cycle breaker, all that good stuff. And you know, when you're when you're going through something and you feel really lonely, really isolated, you're not in solitude, but you're actually lonely, you're isolated, you don't have anybody to look to. Um, for me, I I look from I look to the Lord from where my health comes from, okay? That's where I look to to the Lord, where my help comes from, okay? But you're it's gonna feel like, oh, you're on the wrong path. Maybe I'm doing too much. Maybe I'm doing too much, maybe I'm doing too much. No, you're not you're on a new path. Okay, not you're not on the wrong or right, you're on the new path. And you just have to be okay with that. Like literally being the first in your family to go to therapy. Let me talk to my African brothers and sisters out there. Hello, hi. Is this thing on? All my brothers and sisters in the back. My African brothers and sisters. Our parents don't know what therapy, therapy. Do you know what they had to go through with no therapy? Raising us burnt out. Do you know what they had to go through? You think they care about therapy? You better get up and be strong. You better get up and you better be strong. Therapy, where? Talk to the Holy Ghost. Speak to Jesus. Listen. When you start telling them, like, maybe we should do family therapy, mom. Maybe you should go to therapy. You've been burnt out for 30 years. Dad, maybe you should go to therapy so you can stop drinking. Maybe you should go to AA. When you start to open your mouth, how dare you talk to elders? How dare you speak back? You gotta fight. You gotta do everything with love and honor. You got still gotta respect your parents. You can't be cussing out your parents thinking just because you made a decision. You can't be cussing out your parents. If you feel like you have to love your family members or whoever from afar, do it with love and honor because that's very, very important. You can't just be doing whatever because all of a sudden you want to go to therapy and you don't want to, you don't want to you want to break bad habits and now you want to put that on your family and be disrespectful, disrespectful, excuse me, and feel like you're better than them. That's not, you're not even, you're not even close to doing the work. That's not what I'm talking about. You can do all this with love. When if you start to do this and you find that you're in a situation that is that can potentially harm you, then you have to do these things from afar. You do. Listen, it takes a lot. It takes a lot. And sometimes it feels like a silent, like holy rebellion. It like I my enemy dealt with a lot of rebellion in the past. Like I've dealt with a lot of rebellion in the past where I kind of just did what I wanted when I wanted, because I kind of raised myself a little bit. And coming into meeting my spiritual parents and just like, you know, being intentional about authority and love and honor, it's something that I struggled with a really, really long time. And then inside of me, I still always have that thing, like, oh, you're rebellion. But no, sometimes you gotta stand. You most of the time you you gotta stand on business. And it can feel like a rebellion, but it's a holy one. It's all it's really like a righteous one. Like I said, do it with love and honor. Do not dis do not violate your parents, do not violate the people that you love just because you made a decision to break some cycles. That that no, that's not what I'm talking about. And it really gets lonely because everyone can't come with you. Hopefully, you know, you're guided by the Holy Spirit and He can tell you which relationships to preserve and to let go of. And, you know, some of them will just like dissolve on their own. Listen, I'll I I one thing that I realize about myself is that I love to do, if you know anything about me, I love to do social experiments. I usually don't tell the people that I'm doing a social experiment, but I do like to do them and I I I take a lot of information and data and I kind of just um move forward according to that. Okay. And one thing that I learned is that when I when I decided to follow Jesus, when I decided to, when I decided to start learning and just stand, like start learning who I am and finding out who I am, what I like, what I don't like, and I started saying, you know, looking for more like like-minded people, and you know, I just didn't want to be a part of drama, negativity. Like I'm a lover. Oh my gosh. If I I don't know how much times I have to tell people this. I am a lover, a sincere lover. I'm genuine, I'm a softy, like I think a lot of people, because of the environment that I was raised in, I've had to fight all of my life. I had to fight and defend myself. So I'm really good at that, but that's not not that's not what I want, like my true, but that's not really, that's not what I want to do. Now, if you nuck, if you nuck now, I ain't gonna buck because I'm gonna win a guy and I didn't change my life. Okay, I didn't change my life, but I'm also not gonna let people violate me. I'll let people know, like, hey, this is this is not okay. This is not what we're doing. I don't like drama, bro. Oh my God. Like, don't bring me drama. I don't want that extraness. I don't like weird people. Things don't have to be complicated with me. Like, I'm super laid back, chilled. I'm a lover. And I feel like people try to come for that all the time. And I have to stand on business about myself. And you know, some of my friends would be like, yo, girl, you need to say something because a lot of like I'm very sharp with my tongue. So I try when people try to violate me, I try to take the the high road or I try to be the bigger person, like, okay, that's still God's child, da da da da. But listen, I'ma stand on, I'm gonna stand on what I believe in. I'm gonna stand on what the Lord has called me to do. And I have to realize, even if I'm lonely, even if I have no friends, no matter, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm I'm determined to fight for the next generation. I'm determined to fight for my nephews, I'm determined to fight for my nieces, and I'm determined to fight for me and my inner child and show up for me. I matter too. And so do you. And so do you. And every time that you feel pain, every time that you feel isolated, I'm telling you, the roots are being pulled up. They're being pulled up. You're doing a good job. They're being pulled up. Just keep just hang in there. Don't stop. And even if you do stop, even if you do take a break, because you can do that. Get back to work. Don't forget what you're why you're doing it. I know sometimes you're gonna be like, well, why do I got it? Me, my sister was like, why do we gotta fight for the next generation? Can I just do it for the land of the living? Even if you're doing it for your family right now to change things, and you're you're going to still face a lot of opposition. But listen to me, hear me, please. People in the back, is this thing on? Just because you feel lonely doesn't mean that you're alone. You're not alone. You're never alone. You're doing it alongside of brothers and sisters that are trying to genuinely change their life, genuinely change their family, and change the trajectory of their lineage. That's what Jesus did. That's what Jesus did, and I want to be more like Jesus. It's literally the work that we're doing, is literally ground shaking. So you don't think that's gonna come with some pain? It's gonna come with some pain. There's literally a community of cycle breakers out there that I'm speaking to. Don't be silent, move forward, pray, ask for strength. Don't be overwhelmed. Don't be overwhelmed. There's a verse in the Bible, I I don't remember exactly. I think it's in the Psalms, but it says that we will mount up. We will mount, what is it? We will mount up like wings. No, we will mount up like eagles. One of those guys. I'm not the best when it comes to my Bible verses, but it says that we will sh we will walk and we will not faint. We will not be weary. We'll mount up like eagles, okay? If we just wait on the Lord, you're not crazy. Please, oh my gosh, I had to tell myself this so many times. You're not crazy. You're just called. And you might be saying, I didn't ask for the vision. But it's yours. And you have a choice. You don't have to do it. You can just be selfish and be like, oh, you know, I don't really care about this, like whatever, whatever. And even if you choose to do that, it doesn't mean you're, it's a bad thing. But for me, nah. It no, it has to, it has to stop with me. And I want to just talk about this quickly. Please forgive the people who won't join you on this journey. If your mama don't join you, your father don't join you, your best friend don't join you, your spouse don't join you, whoever, forgive them. You can't go forward and try to uproot generational curses while you're offended, where you have hate and in your heart and you're bitter. Like literally, one of the hardest parts of, you know, of healing is realizing that you may never get an apology for any of the stuff that happened to you while you're doing this work. Um, you might never get closure that you think you deserve. Um, you might not ever hear the words, I'm sorry, from the person that hurts you the most, or family members and friends and family that hurt them hurt you the most, especially when you feel like you're doing the work for for to really protect and preserve your family. Listen, but your healing does not wait for an apology. It can't wait for an apology. It begins when you decide to just let it go and pray for people. Agree to disagree. You're gonna really have to learn how to do that. And forgiveness is not pretending it didn't hurt. Can we please talk about that? Forgiveness is not saying, oh no, that didn't hurt. I used to do that a lot. No, you hurt me. What you did hurt me, but it's okay. I forgive you. I forgive myself. You're gonna feel the pain. When you say you forgive someone, it doesn't mean that the pain just goes away. You're gonna feel the pain. You don't have to hate them to protect yourself. You don't have to cut everyone off to create space for the work that you're doing. You just have to really choose your healing over your comfort every single day. Every single day. It's an every single day thing. And I always say this till the casker drops. And if people just don't understand what you're doing and you're doing it in love and they don't they don't understand, just forgive them and move on. Keep moving. They'll come around most of the time. And if they don't, they just weren't supposed to be in your life, in your journey, in your story, or this part of your life and your journey, in your story. As long as you have to move on with no bitterness in your heart, no bitterness in your in your in your in your thoughts, in your spirit, in your soul. Sometimes you don't understand why, man. Sometimes we just don't understand why. And that's okay. So I want to talk, please. Forgive people, forgive yourself for starting if you feel like you're starting late and it's never too late. Forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself, people. I have to repeat it again. Forgive yourself. You didn't know better, you didn't have the tools, you didn't know. And that's okay. Forgive yourself and move forward. One thing that this journey will do for you is it's gonna help you become stronger. You're gonna come out of this thing stronger, guys. You're gonna come out of this thing very, very strong. You can still break generational curses and still be soft. And I think that people think that when they make a just a decision like I'm gonna, they turn him, they can turn into monsters. They can turn you have this stuff, this work has to be intentional. And that's why. Listen, if you're listening and you don't have Jesus Christ, you don't have the Holy Spirit, give your life to Jesus. He is the ultimate guide, he is the father to the fatherless, he is the ultimate father, he is the ultimate guide. You don't have to do life alone. He will build you community, get into a Bible-believing church. That helps a lot. Build trust. Like you can really do this work and still be soft and still be loving and still be nurturing and still be caring. You can still heal and be kind. You can literally still build relationships and let people in and heal and and protect yourself without building walls around your heart and your life. And that's where that's somewhere that I'm I'm the Lord is currently helping me with. Because I struggle with that still. I still struggle with that. Sometimes I'm like, ah, I know I have walls up, and the Lord is, you know, helping me with that. You don't have to be perfect. You can come as you are and still do this work. Coming out stronger doesn't mean that you're you gotta be hard, you gotta be macho, you gotta be rude, disrespectful, dishonorable. No. One thing that I learned is that, yo, being kind, being caring, and caring for people and and and serving people, that is where the the that's where the work is. I always say that. That's where you know, like, nah, I'm a strong person. Like, I I I'm it's not for the weak. Being selfish is the easiest thing that you can do because all you do is care about yourself, and and that's just what it is. But really caring for people, serving people, showing up for people, putting people before yourself sometimes, and you know, and really really wanting to see people win. Being a platform for people. Yeah, that's that's where the work that's where the real work is. When you do this work, you become wiser, you become softer, you become freer, you become healthier, happier, full of joy. Um people know when you when you step into the room, you're the blessing, you're the you're the solution. That's an amazing feeling. My apostle told me, my spiritual father told me, I was just feeling really down and out, and he all he always tells me this, but he always says, do something for someone. When you feel down, do I mean if you're feeling down, but you should be doing helping people anyways. But you know, he's like, if you really, really feel down, do three things for someone. Do three things. Go do three things for three different people or one person, whatever. Just help other people, serve people. When God came to this earth, he served people, he served us, he he gave his life up to be a sacrificial lime so we lamb so we can have a better life. We have to speak differently, we have to be differently, we have to love differently. You gotta raise your children differently. You have to choose to speak love into your child. You gotta choose. I don't want to pass this trauma on to my children, to my friends, to my family. That's real love. That's where the real flex is. You're becoming a legacy. You're becoming a legacy. Like I know some of the the cur the generational curses and some of the things that I'm fighting against that I want for my family is healthy emotional people breaking the generational curse of poverty. Um, fine, you know, bringing in financial freedom into my lineage, emotionally healthy people, healthy, physically healthy people, people that love, you know, marriages that work. Can we talk about it? Marriages and relationships that work, love and honor. That those are the things that me and my siblings are fighting against to bring into the lineage of our family. Let me give you guys, you know, some of the things that I've been doing that I that you can do. Like, you know, I want to really get practical here. And like I said, it's an everyday thing, it's an everyday, it's an everyday thing, it's an everyday fight, it's an everyday, every minute, every second. You just gotta choose. And sometimes you're gonna sometimes you're gonna fall, and that's okay. You get right back up. You need to build a healing community. You need to find other people that are on this path, like-minded people. Please find like-minded people, find a mentor. Mentors really, really matter. It could be a mentor, a life coach, people that are like-minded, that want the same things as you. Please, like therapy is absolutely amazing. It will help you, it will change you. Like I said, find a church, a Bible-believing church, someone you can trust. Don't do this alone. You don't have to do this journey alone. You need a healing community. We need villages. We're put on this earth to help each other. Um, another thing that I do, I always tell you guys about this. Please journal. Please journal. Please document your growth, document the challenges. I do a lot of voice notes. I also journal. Um, yeah, that really, really helps me. So document your process. Write letters to yourself. Write letters to yourself or write letters to people that you'll never send. Getting it out on paper, just getting it out of your system, it will definitely help you. It'll take the pressure off, also. This is stuff that you learn in therapy. Anything that I tell you guys, I've learned it in therapy, I've learned it through mentors, I've learned it through the word of God. These are things that have been tested and and and work. You need a place of safety, you know, if it's if and don't, don't always, you know, maybe don't use your friends, you know, when it comes to, you know, healing. And if they really love you, they'll be a part of that journey. But don't dump on your friends, guys. Let's let's let like, you know, you can ask them, like, hey, I have something I want to talk to, da-da-da. But there's some people that just want to dump on you, they don't want help, they just want to dump on you. And yeah, you you probably want to avoid those type of people because it can get really techy. Set boundaries without guilt. So, yeah, set boundaries without guilt. Um, you're not responsible for managing other people's emotions. That's the hard one for me because I always want to make sure that everybody's good, but I'm not responsible for managing other people's emotions. I'm not, I'm just responsible for my peace, for protecting my peace. But I'm not responsible for how people feel about the things that I do or the things that I'm fighting for in my life, or the things that I, you know, I care deeply for. My sister always says this, and I always tell her, like, oh, that's so cringe. That's a you problem. And and I don't know which other way to say that. Take breaks when needed, guys. Take breaks when needed. If you need a weekend off, you're like, you know what? I don't want to fight this weekend. I just want to take care of myself. That's also uprooting generational curses. That's also really doing the work still. Take breaks when needed. Healing is not a straight thing. It's not just linear, it's not straight. It's okay to rest. It's okay to, you know, take some time off work. It's all right. It's okay to maybe miss a therapy session. You're like, you know what? I think I'm gonna sit this one out today. I just want to really process, and that's okay. And you gotta be kind to yourself. Be very, very kind for your kind to yourself. You're gonna need, you're gonna need another voice that's gonna like I literally talk to myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I talk to myself. So please take breaks when needed and celebrate your small wins. If today you didn't cuss out a family member and before you used to, celebrate that win. Listen, when I don't cuss folks out, when I don't choose violence, violence, I celebrate those wins. I'm always like, God, you you help me deal from the spirit and not from the flesh. Can I get a hallelujah? Can I get a that's not the one I wanted to press, actually. This is the one I want. Oh, Jesus. Can I get an Amen? Hallelujah. Okay, because let me tell you something. It's really, really helped me to just live from my spirit, man, and not my flesh. Because my flesh be doing, saying all sorts of things and acting out, and no. And I don't always get it right, like I'm saying, but really just like celebrate your small wins, man. You're literally rewriting history. You're rewriting history. Every time you respond with love instead of trauma, that's a victory. Every time you pause and say, nah, nah, nah. I'm gonna think about this. I'm gonna process this. You lead with love. Don't leave people hanging, don't leave people on red, don't be disrespectful, don't be dishonorable. Lead with love. Take time. Tell people what you need. Let people, we're not mind readers. Let us know what you need on this journey. I'm letting people know what I need on this journey. I need love. Deal with me with passion, deal with me with love. Deal with me with kindness. Period. Don't bring your weird energy. I don't have time for all that stuff. I'm not here to coddle people. I'm not here to coddle you, coddle you. No, I want, I need room to be myself. I need room to express myself. Okay. And you know what? I think I'm just gonna, I think I'm gonna stop there. So to all my cycle breakers out there, I see you, I hear you, I love you. Keep going. Don't give up. Take breaks, journal, take care of your physical health, take care of your mental health. This is gonna be hard. There's gonna be some dark times, but I promise you, one day when you look at your child's, when you look into your child's eyes, your cousins, your mom, your spouse, whoever, you are leading with love and not trauma. You will be so grateful that you did this work. You'll be so happy for those dark days. You'll be so happy for the times where you were alone. When you can live, and then you and then once you do that, once you come up higher, you can help other people come up higher. And your children can help other people come up higher. And that's what it's about. That's why, that's how human God wanted us to sustain humanity and preserve each other. Listen, yes, it's hard, yes, it's lonely, but it's worth it. You are and you're not just ending a cycle, you're beginning something new, something sacred. You are becoming a legacy. So why? I just want to end with this. It ends with me. It ends with you, it ends with us. Thank you so much for coming to my TikTok. Woo! It's listen, we fighting, we're gonna keep fighting. God is good. I love you guys so much. Please follow me on speaking underscore arrangements. I'm on TikTok too, actually. I think it's emotional conversations with Esther. Please, please take care of yourselves, guys. Be good. Stay like I always say, guys, stay true. I love you guys so much.