"Speak It Wrong, Live It Wrong — Period."

Can I be honest with you for a second?

I spent years not even realizing the damage I was doing to myself — not with my actions, but with my words. The things I was saying to myself on the inside were loud, heavy and keeping me stuck in places God never intended for me to stay.

This episode? We're going there. 🤍

Because the way you talk to yourself is shaping your world, your heart and every relationship you're in — whether you notice it or not. And I believe with everything in me that when we get intentional about what we're speaking over our lives, things start to shift.

Not all at once. Not overnight. But one day at a time. One word at a time.

This is your reminder that change is possible — and it starts with what's coming out of your mouth and your mind. 💬

We're not staying stuck. Not today. Not anymore. We are going UP from here. ⬆️

🎧 Go hit play — this one is for you.

#EmotionalConversationsWithEsther #SpeakingArrangements #SpeakLife #SelfTalk #WordsHavePower #FaithAndHealing #IntentionalLiving #RealGrowth #WeAreGoingUp

https://www.instagram.com/emotional_conversationswithe/

HOM, Hour of Meditation- https://www.youtube.com/live/_5KWa_UszFg?si=dKLdh8_quky2t3vH 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello, hello, everyone out there. Welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Big Yes, but nevertheless, of course, I'm going to let the beat ride out for y'all. Hello, everyone. I hope everyone's doing absolutely amazing. Yeah, man. We're it's midweek. Clap for yourself. It's midweek, okay? Clap for yourself. It's Hump Day. And yeah, I'm reporting live to you from my bedroom. You know, but don't worry. We're going to higher places, okay? From glory to glory. I hope everyone's doing absolutely okay. I hope everyone is blessed. Because listen, we literally are too blessed, to be stressed. You guys already know that the world kind of seems like it's on fire. I don't like the way I sound. Hold on. How does that sound? I think that sounds a lot better. There we go. Okay. I had to do some mixing and max mastering really quickly. But we already know that the world is literally on fire. And, you know, please, please, guys, guard your hearts, guard your minds, because that is where all of life's issues flow from. So you want to make sure that you are protecting what you're watching, just really essentially just being around things that make you happy, doing things that make you happy, reading books, watching shows that make you smile, you know what I mean? And also get into what you love, get into it, get to, you know, get into the, you know, our goals, because we don't want to forget that either, right? But I want to actually dive in really quickly. But before I do that, I just want to say thank you guys to everyone that's really been pushing me with my podcast. If you've been here since 2019, literally you have seen the struggle. You have heard the struggle. You l you guys are literally like growing with me in real time. And I really appreciate your patience, your love, your honesty, the feedback over the years. I really do. It's been interesting, but God is good and God still has a plan. This, like I said, this platform doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Jesus Christ. And, you know, I'm in a place where I'm learning more to obey the Lord, even if it's not, you know, kind of what I want to do. I just want to really surrender my life to Him. So thank you guys for rocking with me. For everyone sending me, you know, that loved the episode with me and my sister. Shout out to her. That really is our dynamic for the most part. So thank you guys for just, yeah, rocking with me in real time. Okay. So I want this to be really short because I know I've spoken about this before on my podcast. And you guys can find that I think it's op one and two, if I'm correct. The op effect part one and two. Today we're gonna be talking about words. We're gonna be talking about how they shape our lives, our destiny, the people around us, our environments, and things like that. And I I want to really make it simple because I think a lot of times there's so much information, like when it comes to what your words can truly do. But listen, in me, in my house, we're gonna serve the Lord. And I try to draw a lot of my values and inspiration and truth from the word of God, which is the Bible, okay? And in the Bible it says that there's power, okay? There's life and death. It's in it's in your tongue. And your tongue means your speech, your words, and the way that you speak to yourself. But you know what? Today, like I think a lot of times, if you're not a believer and you're listening, shout out to you too. The Lord loves you always, okay. And everyone is welcome here at Emotional Conversations with Esther. Take a seat, get comfy. We're gonna really, really jump into this. I want you guys, I want it to be as simple as possible because it's very important. Like, I think one thing I'm learning a lot too is that a lot of the important things in life, they seem like the the most like cliche, you know, things that you're like, oh yeah, okay, I guess if I do that, no. Like these things are very important, they are rooted in our communities for a reason. For a reason. And I listen, we all learn at different times. We lot we all, you know, come to different crossroads in our lives and different stages in our lives and seasons, right? So I want you guys to really pick this up as much as you possibly can. Replay it if you have to often. I know that I do. I I have to, I have to because it's it's so important. Okay, so I think where I what I want to start with is a little bit of like neuroscience because I think sometimes people understand that more or want to understand that more. You know, I think what happens is I really started learning about my subconscious mind. Everything that I went through as a child or just growing up, literally, your subconscious, your subconscious minds, it your subconscious mind, it keeps some of that, right? So it literally, like the brain is so powerful. Literally, it is so powerful. Like it literally is there to protect you. It's there to, it listens to your body, it's connected spiritually, physically, biologically. Like that's what our brain is there to do. And when you, when you tell yourself, like your inner thoughts, like your words, when you tell yourself like, because your brain can't dis can't distinguish, right? Between the truth and repetition. So if you are, let's just say you're repeatedly saying, I'm broke, I'm not good enough, I'm fat, I don't like the way I look, I always fail. Like I said in my video, your brain's gonna say bet. It's literally gonna say bet. And then what it does is essentially tries to filter your reality through that. It will match your reality through that. Like subconsciously, you will see that everything that you're saying to yourself, your life will start to attract that and that will become your reality. And it's a it's vice versa. It's very simple. I know that sometimes people think that it takes a little longer for you to essentially plant those seeds and renew your mind. And that can be true. I I find that it does, but I mean, I was I I had that pesky voice in my head that was literally always telling myself that I was never gonna be anything, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough to be in certain rooms, I'm I'm this, I'm that for a long time. So when you try to transform your mind and renew your mind, it's gonna take some time. We need, hello, hello, people. Is this thing on? Is this mic on? Is it on? And I'm not gonna hold your hand when I say this. Listen, big sis is not gonna hold your hand when I say this. We need to allow ourselves to grow. We need to allow ourselves to take time. I know we are in a very, very fast-paced moving environment and everything is go, go, go, you gotta get it now. You're getting old. That's a fallacy. That's not even real. Like, it's literally smoking mirrors. People are insane. Take your time to grow. Take your time. If you are 30 right now, do you know how much more years of life you have to live? If you're 20, I hear 20-year-olds saying, I'm getting old. And I'm like, man, like, what have we done? What have we done? Take your time. When you let's just say, you know, you hear this information from my podcast and you're like, okay, I'm just gonna do this. And by and by Friday, you're like, oh my gosh, it's not working. Forget it. That's where the devil comes and steals, kills, and destroys. Like, like, you know, we think about the devil as this big, horrible monster and this big, you know, dark entity. And it is. He's a he's a goof, but he is. But he only can draw off what we do. He's a counterfeit. He's not coming up with anything new. When you put yourself in a vicious cycle, he's like, Bet, I'll keep you there. Keep going. It's just a vicious cycle. But the minute that you stand up and you're like, you know what? Kicking my back in and my brain and my thoughts every single day is just not good for me. You will start to see the changes. And you have to be intentional about the change and give yourself time and room. I'm very passionate about this topic because I know what, you know, that negative self-talk and those really bad, intrusive thoughts did to my life and how much I lost, how many opportunities and relationships and things that I lost because of that negative self-talk. And I think another thing that people don't understand is that words, they create like literally the blueprint for your life. And when we're children, of course, sometimes some of us maybe never really had a chance because you grew up in an environment that's just not conducive for your growth, right? Like maybe, maybe you had parents that tried their best, but they just maybe were angry people and they didn't have the love that they needed and they didn't have the nurture that they needed. So they kind of pass it on to you. So calling you names, bullying you, because parents can be bullies. Sometimes parents are the biggest bullies, sometimes. But there's some great amazing parents there out there, also, right? We recognize you guys, we love you guys, we honor you guys, and it's not easy, but not all parents get it right all the time. Friends, cousins, relatives, whatever, teachers. There's teachers out there that are burnt out and they are speaking demonic words into your children. You guys better. We need to protect the children, but that's gonna be another podcast for another day. But yeah, so if you come for an environment that just always told you that you were never gonna be anything, didn't believe in you, you know, spoke down on you and spoke death into your life, then I I understand, I understand why that belief is so strong. Because I know for me, I was like, well, if my parents think this, they they gave birth to me, then it must be true. And that's not, that's not true. It's not true. Like literally, whatever you speak most, okay. I think that's that's the that's the main thing. That's what I struggled with. It's whatever I speak, whatever I spoke most, it always becomes a structure to my life. It will, it became the structure to my life. It gave, it became my reality. So we have to really be intentional about the positive language that we're using, right? Especially to build doors and windows to the house that we live in, which is our body, which is our mind, which is our thoughts. We can rebuild our foundation. Right now in my church, where it's a year of rebuilders. There are grown adult people. I know 80-year-olds, 60-year-olds, 79, when you know our apostle talks about rebuilding, they're shouting, rebuild, rebuild, rise up. Because it's a real thing. And you're not the only one. There's a community for this, right? You have emotional conversations with Esther. It's okay to rebuild, it's okay to not have it all together. Like, that's not realistic. You know, we need to listen. If you need some time off Instagram or your social media where all the pictures and everything, the videos that we see, people's aesthetic, it's like perfect. That does something to your subconscious. Why do you think that Mark Zuckerberg, his kids, they don't, they don't, they're not on Facebook, they're not on Instagram. They're not. They're living their best life. They're on jet skis in the Mafi Coast reading, tutoring their children. Like the social media apps, I'm telling you, they they are there for a reason. They're excellent when you use them properly. But if you're on Instagram doom scrolling all day, like I have, and I'm guilty of and I'm still working on, it's just not good for us to see that many images. Our brains can't even process it. And it makes no sense. So we need to be really intentional about that, also, right? I think one thing that really helped me when it comes to when I started to really, really want to transform and renew my mind, of course, like I said, I went to the word of God. That that's the best. If I can give you guys any advice, even if you're not a believer, even if you're not a believer, pick up the Bible or go go on Google, chat GPT, Claude, whatever you have, and literally look up scriptures of what the Lord says about you. What does Jesus Christ say about me? What does Jesus Christ say about creation? What does, you know, look up those scriptures. I did that and I meditate on them as much as I possibly can. And then and once you start, when you start to gather good words, because you have to now you have to transform and renew your mind. So you need to be intentional and go on a mission. And when you go on a mission, listen, all shout out to all the soldiers and everybody in Iran, Iraq, where like whatever is how you know, these these strong, brave young men and women and that are out there fighting to protect their country or whatever it is. I'm not really, I'm not into politics, but they're on a mission. They are on a mission and they know that they could potentially get hurt, get killed, but they're still going because they believe in something. And that's how vigilant you have to be when it comes to really when it when it comes to changing your your your train of thought, when it comes to yourself and how you look at yourself and how you perceive yourself, you have to really, really be, it has to be a mission and a goal for you. If that's the only goal that you have for 2026, I promise you, you will see a new life by the end of the year. So now that we are doing away with the negative self-talk, I think it's great to, you know, like I said, collect new words from the Bible. You know, if you are in a bad environment, if you're around people that are not conducive for your growth, you need to cut them off, distance yourself, put yourself first. It needs to become a season where you are putting yourself first. Because if you don't put yourself first, take care of yourself, nurture yourself, you can't help other people. And that's just the truth. I know some of us ex-people pleasers, we know what that that feels like. And I'm still working on that. I'm still working on saying no. I'm still working on, you know what? No, I'm gonna put myself first. Like, we're not like I used you become burnt out. I'm not saying that you're not useful at all, but it's not good, it's at your detriment. And that's not that's not what we're doing in 2026, okay? We're preserving our minds, we're preserving our peace, and we're showing up as our best selves. And the only that only way that we can do that is if we start from the inside, right? So one thing that I used to do, and I still do, and it really, really helped me, is I would catch it before I would say it. So the like you literally, like the moment between feeling something and about speaking, about you know, speaking about it or giving it power, literally, you can teach your mind to just pause. Pause for like two, three, four, five seconds. Count to five. I used to do that, I still do that now. When someone says something too crazy to me or I want to say something negative to myself in my mind, I literally pause for five seconds. Is this world, is like is this word building me up? Is this word going to, you know, are these thoughts going to push me to become closer to the woman that I want to be? Or is it tearing me down? It's asking yourself simple questions, it's giving yourself dialogue. You don't have to suppress the emotion because that's never good. But you can redirect how you express it, right? So if you are, I don't know, if you're at work and you have a boss that's just condescending or whatever, and you and you know, he's giving you a hard time, she's giving you a hard time, maybe you miss a deadline, whatever. And instead of telling, and you know, you're naturally your subconscious starts telling you and feeding you what you're used to, like, hey, you you're not good enough for this position. You're, you know, you never, you're not reliable. What you can do is you can sit in that feeling of maybe you can sit in that feeling, whichever, whatever it is, and but catch those thoughts. So before, give yourself five seconds. So before you do, like just be like, okay, in the past I would have said this, but no, actually. Replace it with better words. Like, no, you know, I missed that deadline, but that doesn't mean that I'm not smart. I talk to myself a lot. I have a lot of, I have a lot of conversations with myself. They're just more positive and more healthier because I use the word of God. So you can replace it. You don't have to just, you know, you don't have to like completely remove it, but replace it with better words because we need to be in communication with ourselves. So telling yourself to stop thinking negatively usually doesn't work. It didn't work for me. I don't know, it might, it might work for you, but you know, this is a system that essentially like I've used. So usually when I get a thought that says I can't do this, I'll just replace it with maybe I haven't mastered this yet. Positive self-talk. I know it sounds crazy, but being intentional about who you're speaking to, because you're speaking to yourself. Sometimes you're speaking to that inner child, you're speaking to yourself. You have to love on you. That's very important. But you know what? I haven't mastered this yet. Or when that negative thought comes and says, I'm a mess. I'm in the middle of my growth. There's one thing that my sister said on the last podcast, I'm healing. I'm healing. I'm healing. Okay. Like literally, when this is one I used to say all the time, nothing ever works for me. I've changed up. You know, I'll use something else. I'll usually say, like, I'm learning for what I'm learning what works for me. I do that a lot. Like when I'm like, nothing ever works, and I used to always say that to myself, nothing ever works for me. I have to work so hard. Now I'm just literally, you know, I'll just tell myself like I'm learning what works for me. I haven't found that yet completely, but I'm learning. It it sounds simple, but if you do it, I promise you, there is power. There is power in repetition. There's power in consistency. And there's a big aspect of this that we're not fully talking about too, which is self-love. You need, I know I've touched on it a little bit, but love, genuine self-love for yourself. You don't have to fully know who you are to love yourself and care for yourself. If you don't understand what it looks like to love yourself, just start with sitting with yourself because spending time with yourself, figuring out the things that you like, doing away with things that you, you know, that don't that don't build you up, like taking those small baby steps, you'll find that you'll start to really be like, you know what, nah, I rock with myself. I'm a good person, like I love who I'm becoming. You're allowed to make mistakes. We have flaws, no one's perfect. Only Jesus was. But he's made us in his image. He's made us in his image. So that you there has to be some type of redirection in the right, in the right, yeah, in in the right, I don't know what you want to call it, in the right direction. I'm I'm blanking, but yeah, there has to be some type of movement. There has to be some type of motion. The minute that you even start to think like, you know, I actually want to do better. I hear what Esther's saying. I do want to show up as my best self, that's love. That's love. Because you're like, you know what, I might not have all the tools, and I might not have you know everything that I need right now, but I want to move in that right direction. Even that thought pattern, you you will see that it will it will bear fruit. It will bear positive, good, healthy, emotional fruit. Okay, so like I said, I'm gonna I'm gonna give this to y'all. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. When I was really sitting here and I was just thinking about it, and I really want to express some of the things that I've been through. You know, for a long time I, you know, I thought that I was completely depressed. And I'm sure in some parts of my life I was because I went through a lot. You know, one day, like I'll actually get to, I'll actually sit down and talk to you guys about some of the some of the things that I experienced, you know, growing up. And I know one of the ones that I always talk to you guys about is just rejection. You know, I just never had a good relationship with my parents. They try their best, but we just, especially me and my bio mom, we didn't have a good relationship. And my bio dad was kind of not he just kind of went around, did his own thing, right? And like I said, they did with what they did what they can. So I'm not blaming all my issues on them, but when when you're born, like you need that love, you need that nurture, you need that consistency of someone, you know, showing up for you as an infant, as a child. I raised myself for the most part, and I made a lot of mistakes because I didn't even know what life was supposed to look like. I didn't have guidance. So I was just winging it. I really was just winging it. And for a long time, I was like, you know, I remember I wouldn't make good decisions. I wouldn't make decisions that would help me. I would make decisions that would put me in harm's way and dangerous decisions, I mean, in dangerous situations, even in friendships, you know. I it's so funny because someone that I one of my mentors, someone that I love so dearly, he always tells me, it's like you're not the sacrificial lamb. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for everyone. The Lord has already died for you. If you think your else die, you shall surely die. And it's the truth. You know, that's that's just kind of so I would always just, I just never, I never felt like I was good enough. And I think the reason why, you know, I had such a hard time is because I didn't know how to be a daughter, because I was never a daughter. I didn't really have a father that stepped in to teach me even how to be a daughter. So that poured into my, you know, my relationship with God. And I was like, I know you're the great father to the all the fathers, but I it we're not connecting. We're not connecting, not speaking my language because I don't know how to be a daughter. When I fully surrendered my life to Christ, and the you know, the Lord sent me a great shepherd, a great spiritual father. It was nice to just really, he kind of taught me how to surrender. And even then, like I struggled a lot. Now I can fully say that I've surrendered my life to Christ and I am a daughter. I'm resting in my energy, my daughter, big, big daughter energy. God is the father of all fathers. If you do not have a father on this earth, it says in the Bible, if my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will never forsake me. Ever. They had David out in the field, okay, when he was supposed to be king. Jesse didn't go look for him. He didn't call him amongst the brothers. He did not call that man amongst the brothers. He had a wound too. But if our father and our mother forsake us, or what, you know, whatever it is that you think that you were lacking, that obviously, you know, caused some trauma in your life. I just want you to know that you can rebuild, you can start again. I I know like I I struggled with this a lot, like words from my past, but a lot of the way you think about your past, it shapes your future. So literally, whatever narrative, whatever story that you have. I don't know. Let's just say, you know, that broke me. That will keep you broken. I it's I'm telling you guys, I know it sounds crazy, but I remember I used to talk about my man, that broke me. That broke me. And I was like, whoa, what? No, our words have power. They have power. Why do you like? I'm telling you, our words have power. Think about your favorite song that you like when you listen to it, what it makes you feel like. Think about the person that you love when they say something to you, that emotion that you feel, or your parents. If you know, if you have good relationships, your friends, when they speak life into you, it can completely change your mood. Your words can change your mood, they have an emotional effect on us. So when you're like, that broke me. Like I said, girl, you will stay, boy boy, you will stay broken. I've tested it. Trust me. And like, or like, or you know, like I said, I want to always give you guys something else. Like now, when I think about that, I'm like, you know what, that testing me, y'all try me. I'm like, that situation tried me, but I'm still here. What's up? Like, I have to talk to myself like that. And I do it all the time. I'm always like, I survived. I'm a survivor. I'm not a victim. I am not a victim. I survived everything that I went through. And God is working it out for my good, and he's working it out for your good too. You gotta change your language completely. Shift it. Shift it. It'll start to show in your mind, your subconscious, your physical body. If you guys haven't read a book, a book called, I want you guys to read a book because I want you guys to, I want to give you guys some resources, right? This is just a starting point. Listen to this podcast, it's just a starting point, but I want you guys to go read a book called The Body Keep Score. Please, please, please, if you have not read it, everyone should read that book on the face of this planet at least once in their life. It's cheap. It's like $14, $20 on Amazon. I think it's a book that people should read once a year, also, but it's called The Body Keep Score, and it talks about what how trauma shows up in our body. So many black women have autoimmune diseases. Like you guys should read about this. Like so many of them have autoimmune diseases, like alopecia when their hair's falling out, and just a bunch of different things, like lupus, like just different things. And it's because of trauma. A lot of the trauma in their lineage. It's a study that's being done right now. And and I totally understand it. I remember I got to a certain part of my life and I felt like my, like I had thick, thick, thick hair, and my hair low-key started falling out a little bit. And I was like, what the heck? So I cut it all off because I was like, whatever. I don't, I always cut my hair. Like I cut my hair when I was younger, older. Like I just like to have a short hairstyle. But, you know, I started dealing with another medical condition. I was like, what, what is this? What is happening? But that's I'm gonna talk to you guys about that on another podcast when I'm ready. But listen, to all my sisters, to all my people out there, my brothers, like, please, please, please read that book. It'll give you more information. It'll give you more resources on how you can essentially change that. And I think that you have to speak to yourself like someone that you love. Because listen, we be out here trying to romance our, you know, our partners and be good partners and show up for them and good hot wives and good husbands and boyfriends and girlfriends. But how about you? You need to date yourself. That's a real thing. I feel like people, if you're single, all my single babies out there, shout out to all the single saints. Okay, woo-woo. Run. Yeah, you need to, you need to definitely date yourself, take yourself out, do everything that you want your partner to do for you. Whatever you think is lacking, you need to give it to yourself so that when you find an incredible partner, it's it's not, you're not like, oh my gosh, like you're not desperate because it's like I can do this for myself too. You know what I mean? I know a lot of times it sounds a little cliche because it's like, well, I want someone else to do it for me. Of course, we're humans. We were made for connection, but you need to give all of that that you're looking for to yourself before you meet someone. Because I think one of the things that's super selfish that we do is we want, especially when you're wounded or you have some trauma, you you think that getting in a relationship or marrying or you know, that will take away all your problems. No, it will not, it will amplify your problems. Marriage and relationship, it's like a mirror. It's a mirror. And trust me, people don't last because relationship is not going to, it's not going to take care of all your problems. You need to be the first person on ground. And the fact that you want someone else to come and like take all your problems on, that's that in itself is even selfish. That's how I know that you're not even ready to date. I used to be like that too, like, oh mama. No. Talk to yourself like you're someone you love. Literally, no one, like most times, people wouldn't. I, you know, I've had some friends, I've lost some people recently. And you, what do you think? Like the way the way I speak to them, I take it's with more intention, with more love, because I know that they're going through something. Most people would never say, you know, what they say to themselves to a grieving friend, or, you know, look in the mirror, you know, look at their friends and talk to them like that. Like you have to apply the same tenderness that you apply to other people and the people that you really love to yourself. I'm sorry, there's gonna be a season where the pendulum has to swing. So if you're in a place where you always have negative self-talk and you just don't take care of yourself, you're not showing up for yourself, you're abandoning yourself, you need a pendulum to swing to the other side where it's there's gonna be a season when it's gonna feel like it's all about you and it's gonna look like maybe you're selfish, and that's okay. If the people around you really, really truly love you and they want to see your growth, then they will allow you to have that season. They'll give you space and ample grace to go through that season. And trust me, you'll see it'll be easy for you to wean it out because when you start to change, when you start to want positive for yourself, when you don't want to be people's doormat anymore and they start to get mad at you about that, it's very easy. You see the door, you see the bin. You just put yourself in a bin, throw yourself out, take the trash out. Take the trash out. It's actually simple. It's killing two birds with one stone. When you start to do it's work, it's definitely work, it's gonna hurt, it's painful. I'm on that journey currently. A lot of people are, and then there's a lot of people that not because it takes a lot out of you, but it's it's are it's your worth it. I know a lot I want to talk about affirmations really quickly because I know affirmations have become like a big buzzword for a really long time on the internet, and you know, affirmations they do work, they definitely only they work, but they have like they only work to me. Um, this is my experience. They only work when it's they're believable. Like I feel like generic like generic applications affirmations. Like, hello, hi, get it together, is there? Like generic affirmations, like I'm perfect, I'm abundant, which is great because we are perfect in God's eyes. We're made in his image and he's perfect. You know, I'm abundant. Like sometimes they can feel a little hollow, you know what I mean? And sometimes they can backfire, to be honest. I've I've had that situation before. I think I think maybe I don't know, like something that I've done is like I've bridged my affirmations, like you know what I mean. So let's just say, let's just say instead of saying I'm wealthy, I'll say I'm building a healthier relationship with money every single day. I'm intentional about it, right? Instead of saying maybe I'm fearless, I'm learning despite fear. Write it out, like you know what I mean. Try to and don't go to I don't know, Chat GPT can definitely help you, but I think that this is something that you should do. Like, write them out yourself and really take time to think about it and meditate on them because these are words that are coming from your spirit. So when you speak them, they're going to connect with your spirit, right? So I don't know. I think affirmations definitely work, but I they have to be believable and I think that they have to come within. They have to come from within. So try that. Tell them you guys, let me know how that works, right? Because like, and then sometimes when I'm heading out the house or rushing out the house, sometimes I'll just be like, I'm I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like, I'm beautiful, I'm called, I'm sent from God in the image of the Lord. Like those are words that I've I'm chewing on daily. So I put them together and I and I use them. And literally, literally, if you believe that, then it will become your reality and it will shape your norm and it'll shape your thoughts. And one thing about it, and two things for sure, that people know, like when you walk into a room, people usually usually know how you feel about yourself because it comes out in your actions, your speech, the way that you live your life. So I was a, you know, I'm a recovering people pleaser, and people knew that. Did they stop taking from me? No, because you're the you're the you're the weirdo that wants to just please every single person. So they're human beings. Naturally, they want to take what you're giving. I'm a nurturer, I really care about people deeply. I love people. So I was doing it to no end. And I was literally, it was loving people to my detriment. And I want you guys, like, I want to go back to kind of like what we was talking about. Like your words, they literally affect your nervous system, guys. I want to say that for all my science, babes on here and people on here that like, yeah, I need, I need scientific, you know, scientific um backing. Yeah, there is absolutely it's called neuroscience. Go, go look it up. Like harsh, harsh self-criticism, it activates your body's stress response. Okay, it literally does. I learned this from my doctor. Like your cord, I think your cortisol, is that that's yeah, I think that's what it is. It literally rises in your body. So your muscles become very tense, you're always like warm, but that's not a good thing. So check, check, okay? All your friends are always warm, which is me. I'm always warm except for my nose and my hands because I'm anemic, but like literally, you have to ground yourself, guys. I know that you guys have heard grounding too, but literally ground yourself, take some time. It could be small five minutes meditation when before you go to work, before you get into a conversation that you think might be a little bit challenging. Like they doing those little things, they will change your life. They will like literally, if you pour water on a rock, eventually the rock will crack. I know that's an old African parable, I think, or proverb, but it's true. They're not just like words are not just emotional, they're literally physical physiological. Like they really are. And I've learned that because I read the book, The Body Keep Score. And there's this girl named Emily, she's a neuroscientist, and she always talks about this. Like your brain, whatever you tell your brain, it will filter your life through that lens. So if you're telling yourself like that's why I call myself Big Esther, never the little, I could never be little in any room. I'm a child of the most high God. I'm the daughter of the most high God. So when I walk into a room, people are gonna know I'm there. They're gonna know I'm there physically. If you know, you know. They're gonna know I'm there spiritually, they're gonna hear my voice everywhere that I go. I used to always like, you know, shrink myself because, you know, I a lot of times I heard you're extra, you're this, you're that. You're not doing enough, baby. You're not doing enough. Okay, you're not doing enough. I'm gonna come up in there with my charismatic self. If you know, you know. And that's just what it's gonna be. And you don't have to go into any room and make yourself smaller because other people feel uncomfortable. They need to start doing the work. They need to start doing the work. It's not you. You know what I mean? Obviously, we all have our flaws, like I'm saying. But if you are, listen, your environment really, really matters. The people that are around you, if you are, listen, if you have just uh three people, okay, that are around you that love you and care for you and allow you to just be yourself and allow you to grow and help you with that growth, you are very, very rich. You are wealthy. It's giving Fortune 500 company, okay? It's giving, I don't know, stocks and bonds. Because genuine people, like they're gold. Like the ones that believe in you, and you know they believe in you, and they're pushing, they're praying for you. I think the richest place that you can be is in someone's prayers. I said what I said. I said what I said, and listen, I saw that somewhere too, and I and I and it touched me because it's so true, especially in the world that we're in right now. Like if you have people that genuinely care about you, and I find that sometimes when people are traumatized, like they'll have people around them that genuinely care for them and they'll be pushing them away and like trying and hurting that person and belittling and just being rude and not caring. Don't wait until those people completely walk away from you. It's like the scariest thing because I've had that happen to me. Like, you know, I was wounded, so I was bleeding all over everyone. And when people are like my family, some friends, what like you know what? Enough is enough, sis. Like, we've tried. And if you don't want to, like, we can't make you see what we see. You have to try, you have to show up just a little bit. So, yeah, like your community language, it definitely matters. Please, like, if you are in a situation, because if you are, if you're, if you take my advice and you're like, okay, you know what, Esther, I'm gonna start little. I'm gonna start trying to build myself back up. I'm gonna start reading the word of God. I'm gonna be intentional about the things I say to myself and my thoughts. It takes a lot of work. Holding captive, pulling down every thought that comes to your mind. It gets exhausting sometimes. So you're doing the work, you're doing you know, you're listening to sermons, you're reading books, you're going to therapy. That's huge. Hello, hello, saints. I'm saying this for the people in the back. You can you can go to church and you can have therapy. Both things, both things can exist. You can even get a Christian therapist if you want. I know a lot of like I feel like it's still like therapy is still taboo in the church. I don't know why. The Lord made therapists, counselors, psychiatric people, you know, psychologists for a reason. Like that's that's yeah, that's a real thing. So I wanted to, like I said, I wasn't gonna make this too long. I wanted to just sum it up with if you take love and you take action consistency, put them all together, that will be your key to literally developing a stronger sense of self, a good foundation, even if you didn't have one. And like I said, Jesus loves you. So you can start from there just reading the word, looking up scripture on what the Lord has said about you. So I want to send you guys with an actionable item, okay? Because I this we can talk all day, okay? But I want to send you guys off with an an actionable item. So every morning you can just choose a word. It doesn't have to be a full sentence. You know, at my church, my apostle taught us for us to choose a scripture that we chew on all day. We meditate on it, we meditate, we are meditating. So I try my best to do that a lot. And usually the scriptures are simple. Sometimes I, you know, and Jesus wept. And I'm like, you know what? Yeah, the Lord wept. He had He had feelings, He wasn't stone cold because I'm an emotional babe. If you know anything about me, I will cry if I see a homeless person. I'm just an emotional person. And I'm just and I another thing too, like just because you cry doesn't mean you're fully emo, like, oh my gosh, you're so emotional. No, I'm just saying like it's one of it's it's an emotion. And I I experience that one a lot. But yeah, like I'm I'm very, I'm a softy man. I'm a lover at heart. And so when I when I read things like Jesus wept, it just really touches me because it makes me feel like he he's such a father, he's so good, he's all knowing. So pick a word. It doesn't have to be a scripture. If it, if you, if you want to try scripture, please do, because that's super powerful. But you can pick a word literally every morning and essentially just think about that word every time that your negative thoughts come up. Literally, like I said, just one word, it's strong enough. So you can pick things, you can pick a word like strong, open, worthy. Let that word become like literally a quiet anchor for you when those negative voices and those negative thoughts get really, really loud. So for me, I'll sometimes I'll choose like powerful. So when I feel like I'm not doing well at work or there's a lot of pressure, I'm like, I'm powerful. I am powerful. I'm powerful because the Lord said I'm powerful. I'm called. Like I say that to myself a lot. Listen, I'd be loving on me. I be loving on me and romanticizing my life because I have to. I have to build that foundation. Because listen, this life, you're here for a short time, not a long time. Okay. You're here for a very short time, a long time, and you don't want to be miserable. You want to be able to impact other people. You want to be able to touch people's lives. You don't have to be on the biggest platform doing the big, like literally, the person at the corner store. Um, oh, just a conversation that you might have with somebody at the water cooler at work. Do they still have water coolers at work? Yeah, they do. Whoever, right? You want to impact people's lives with love, with care, with tenderness, with understanding. And we can only do that when we decide to look internally and love ourselves. Okay. Daily practice, guys. Even if you miss it, you might miss it. Listen, I miss it sometimes. You know what I mean? You we're not perfect, but daily practice. Try to be repetitive, try to talk to yourself, read materials that align with who you're trying to become. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be like this huge blueprint. You can start slowly. And I find that when we get into motion, listen, we discover so many different things, right? I really love y'all. I really, really love y'all. And thank you for just like always going on this journey with me. Listen, it's tough out there. And if you haven't heard today that you're loved, you are loved, you are cared for by the most high God. Keep pushing, keep showing up for yourself. Say no when you have to. Like I said, you guys read that, read that book, About to Keep Score. You guys, it's on YouTube, literally. Um, but support the author. I love you guys so much. Thank you so much. You guys like, share, and subscribe. Um, until next time, y'all. Stay true.