SPEAKER_01 0:00

Alright, how are we? Good. How awesome is it? We have the twins in the house tonight. Woo, yeah. I wasn't here last week. Were they here last week? I didn't think so. This is their first night. Welcome, twins. Did they say anything back? Okay, good. That's what I expected. And then we also have the Altman baby in the house, Greta Joy back in the back. Welcome. Yeah. So very cool in the life of Redemption City Church that we keep having babies and that God has blessed us with healthy babies and healthy mamas. So we're very thankful for that. Yeah. And uh everybody doing okay though? Everybody's uh enjoying this awesome rain? Man, like it's such a blessing, especially after coming back from uh Colorado. I confess I was I was like not excited about coming back after being up there, and it rained every day, and the temps were awesome. And then uh we started heading back and we got to to Lubbock, which is where Jada's family lives. We hung out there a few days, and that was kind of helpful because at least there at night it gets cool, and so it's kind of a midway point, you know. It kind of we got to ease our way back into the Texas heat, and then we got back here and it was 106 or whatever the first day, and I was like, ugh, just felt like I wanted to melt. So uh anyway. But uh this is very fun for me tonight. I'm excited um to have the opportunity to have Jada up here. And um, for those of you that might be new to Redemption City Church, Jada is my wife, and I'm very thankful um to have such an amazing uh partner in life and in ministry and uh in parent raising, and parenting, uh kid raising, parent raising too, because she's raising me as a parent. Um yeah, doing a good job of that, hopefully. Yeah. Um but I'm very thankful because honestly, um I take her for granted far too often for all that that she has helped shape my life and spiritually, because those of you that are married in the room, uh, you understand that uh your spousal relationship is so significant, and I'll talk more about that in a little bit, but it really uh sharpens you uh when you have someone who's with you and who uh uh who loves God and who loves you and who's not afraid to speak truth into your life and and vice versa, and so you're able to really grow together. So I'm very thankful she's here. And also the primary reason I asked her to be a part of tonight is because let's let's be honest, moms in the room, um, you do a lot of the parenting on your own, right? Because a lot of times dad may be out. Um, and so I know that we've got some moms in the room, that's their experience. They get to do a lot of that. Dad's out at work, or and for some of you, um, mom is also out at work, and but but it seems like that moms tend to do a lot of the uh interacting with the kids naturally because that's how it works. Um, and they're more of nurturers. And for those of you that have been coming to our men's and women's Bible studies on Wednesday night, that's part of what uh we're gonna be speaking to is the way God's wired a woman versus the way he's wired a man. Um so anyway, all that said, I'm thankful and uh we'll dive in. Um for those of you that have been a part of our parenthood series so far, uh you know that we spent the first week talking about Proverbs 22, 6, which says, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it. And the desire uh that week was really to say, listen, that the Bible doesn't give us a whole lot of information about parenting. Um I wish it did. I wish it was more explicit. I wish it had a whole book uh dedicated to parenting, but it doesn't. Um yet it does tell us that it's important that we invest in our kids, that we raise them up, that we train them, and that's hard work, and we have to keep our eyes fixed on the long-term goal, which is that when they are old, they will not turn from it. They might be uh unruly and rebellious just like we are against God and when they're young, but we we we train them up and uh hope and pray that along the way that they will learn how to walk with God. And we'll also touch base on that tonight in this time this time. And then last week, while we were gone, uh Harley did a great job. I didn't get to hear it, but I saw his outline. Uh got did a great job talking through Deuteronomy 6, which is anybody remember what the the the uh the name of that particular passage is called? Anybody know what's that? Shema, yes. And so it's the Jewish people they still uh practice. In fact, we talked to a a girl, a lady this week who grew up in a Jewish home, and it was very important to her her upbringing uh because in a Jewish home, the Shema, which is Hero Israel, the Lord our God is one God. Uh love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul, with all your strength. I think I added one in there that's not in Deuteronomy 6, but it's in uh Mark 12, 30 and Matthew. But you get the point, right? Uh and so here's the thing. Um, tonight what we want to do is we want to get really um practical and helpful. Hopefully, I'm gonna talk about some high-level stuff. Jada's here to help me make sure it's really practical and tangible for everybody because we want to talk about the big issue of discipline. So everybody finish this phrase. This is going to hurt me. Everybody know that phrase? Everybody did anybody not hear that phrase at least once growing up? Okay. Uh most of us probably did. It's a common phrase. I didn't believe that until I became a parent. And then I realized that it is hard to discipline our kids. It's hard to want to see our kids hurt and to inflict pain on them. But we're going to talk about why that's necessary. And so, in order to kind of give us a framework, because a lot of the uh principles we're going to talk through tonight, if you've got a listening guide, I encourage you to pull that out because you're going to want to take some notes. And there are some of the big points already there. You can fill them in and write some little instructions around it. If you don't, just raise your hand real fast if you'd like a listening guide. And Eric, I think, is actually headed back to grab some. Does anybody need one that didn't get one? Okay. You guys are great. Or actually, Eric did a great job getting you one when you came in the door, right? Um, so here's the thing. I want to give you three verses out of the book of Proverbs. And Proverbs is a very practical, helpful book with full of wisdom that's going to give us a framework for our conversation on discipline tonight. So the first verse is actually Proverbs 22, 15. If I let you hold that for just a second so I don't spill it everywhere. Proverbs 22 verse 15. You don't have to go there, but um, if you want to, I encourage you to do that. Um and I want you to underline it in your Bible. If you want to, and if it's one of the Bibles, one of ours, that's fine to underline it. Somebody else will read it one day and say, what is that verse? Oh. Here's what it says in Proverbs 22, verse 15. Foolishness is tangled up in the heart of a youth. The rod of discipline will drive it away from him. Let me read that again. Foolishness is tangled up in the heart of a youth. Okay? The rod of discipline will drive it away from him. And the dads in the room said, Amen, right? Um, but here's the thing. I want you to start on the front end to understand that our kids need discipline. Our kids need discipline, and here's why. Because in their hearts, from the time they are born, they are born fools. Okay? So that may not come as a shocker to most of you. Yeah, like my kids, they act foolish, and I didn't, it seems like I didn't teach them that. They just became foolish. It's in their heart to be foolish, is what the Bible tells us. And so they need discipline. They need it. Okay? That's very important to remember because there are a lot of people who think, oh man, let kids do what they need, they want to do. Um, you know, let don't don't squelch their personality. Give them lots of freedom and and you know, don't, don't, don't hurt kids. Don't don't don't uh inflict any pain in their life, don't give them any boundaries, let them let them do, let them be kids. Okay. It's important you understand that our kids need discipline in their life. Okay? Second verse. Jada.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

There you go.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Okay. Now can you hear me? All right. Um Proverbs 3, 11 and 12 is the second verse uh that we wanted to highlight for you. And it says this do not despise the Lord's instruction, my son, and do not loathe his discipline. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, just as a father, the son he delights in. And I find this really interesting that in the first two um lines, the first verse of that, we see the word despise and loathe. And that automatically leads us to we know this. We are prone to temptation to despise and loathe instruction and discipline because we are prideful people, and not only us, but our kids are too. And so it's really tempting to go that way. But if you look in the second part, we see that it says the Lord and the Father. And so we have this similarity between the father trying to reflect what the Lord um shows us, but this verse is showing us that God is our model for discipline, that just as the Lord disciplines in love, the father should do the same. And so I couldn't help but comment on the fact that when you see the word discipline, and then you see later on that says the father, the son that he delights in, there seems to be a correlation between one that is disciplined and the delight that can come from that. So I think that's just really interesting to know that God is our model.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

So, yeah, so first we have our kids need discipline. Second, we have um that God is our model for how to discipline, and we're gonna talk more about that. And then thirdly, I want you to look at Proverbs 13, 24, and again, there's a lot more verses we could cover here, but these are just three quick verses that give us a quick framework. And it says this the one who will not use the rod hates his son. That's pretty strong, isn't it? The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently. Here's the point I want to make. The third point. Not only is God our model for discipline, but our motive for discipline should be love. Love is our motive for discipline, okay? Now, before you um get a little weird out or wigged out because it says the word rod in all these verses, okay? Let me let me just remind you of a couple things. Uh we don't really get a clear understanding fully of what he means by the word rod here, but we do understand that there is the idea that discipline is going to bring some sort of pain into your child's life in order to protect them, okay? But we also understand this. The word rod shows up in the book of Psalms in chapter 23, one of the most famous Psalms that we ever uh will look at. And in chapter 23 of Psalms, it says this. It says that the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. And it says, the rod, what does it do? Anybody happen to know? It comforts me. Now let me let me let me let me just say that again. The rod, which is in Proverbs talked about as an instrument of discipline to bring pain into our kids' life, is also an instrument of comfort. And here's why that's so important. Because we're gonna talk about this in a minute. Again, I keep saying that because there's some things that I'm trying to get ahead of myself. Um, listen, sometimes our kids need pain brought into their life so that they will feel security in the boundaries that have been placed on them. Comfort comes when we discipline our kids. You know, I've watched many, many kids through the years, and I've watched kids that were undisciplined. And let me just tell you, when kids are undisciplined, their lives are chaos, and many, many times, instead of finding themselves in a place of comfort, they find themselves in a place of discomfort because you know why? Disobedience, sin leads to destruction. It leads to hardship. And ultimately, the Bible tells us that it leads to death. And so when we engage our kids in discipline, we are protecting them. We're comforting them, we're bringing some stability, we're bringing some security into their life. And so, listen, just to set the framework, our kids need discipline. God is our model for discipline, but love is our motive. You don't have to hate your kids to spank your kids or to discipline however you feel, because spanking is not always the appropriate way to discipline your kids. But you do need to discipline them out of love because you care about them, and God disciplines us as well because He loves us. Alright? So we're gonna give you guys six things, and I'm just gonna go ahead on the front end and say this is gonna be a challenge for us to get through this quickly. But we're gonna give you six key ideas, key principles that Jade and I we are learning. And so I said this the first week, I'm gonna say it again now. We have not figured all this out. Uh, we do not do this stuff perfectly. So even as we prepared, um, it was good for us because it was like, oh man, look, we're really not doing well on this right now. I mean, we really felt that, okay? Uh we felt like, God, we need your help because we are seeing how we are falling back into the sinful patterns and the fleshly habits that we can as parents. And I feel like that so much of the time um I can personally uh really get sidetracked by my kid's behavior and just want it to stop. And so I fall back into the sinful ways of dealing with that behavior. And so these six principles have been really helpful helpful for us, these these ideas. And um, the first one is this if you've got your listening guide, decide what is non-negotiable. Decide what is non-negotiable. Um, now let me explain what I mean by that. We have to discern, and I said this, I think I said this the first week, but if I didn't, let me let me make sure and say it clearly again. We have to discern between what is childish in our kids' life and what is foolish. Remember, folly is bound up in the heart of a child. Foolishness is, I mean, they are born into foolishness. That's the name, that's the nature of who they are. It's the nature of who we are. We are fools by nature, okay? But he says that they're also kids, and so kids do kid-like things. Okay? We've got to discern what is childish and what is foolish. In fact, I heard this week Billy Graham, his wife, had to do a lot of parenting. Um, and some of you guys know Billy Graham is, you know, he's one of the most famous evangelists of all times. He's literally led many, many, many uh hundreds and thousands of people to faith in Christ, to proclaiming God's word. And uh, his wife had to parent a lot, and she said it a little bit differently, but she said, you've got to discern between what's developmental and what's moral. But she was saying that basically the same thing, right? That you have to decide, okay, what is where they are a kid, being a kid, my kids, um this is this has saved them from a lot of my discipline because I've learned that they're kids. Like so when we come to the supper table, um, we try to teach them how to have manners at the supper table, but my six-year-old son likes to stand and he likes to move around and he just has a hard time being still. Is it because he's being disobedient? No. Most of the time is because he's being six. He just struggles to be still. And so I'd tell you guys, sometimes we've got to be careful how harsh we are on the things that are like just developmental. Because our kids, if we take, I'll say this, and Jada knows where we've wrestled with this, is if we punish or discipline the same the things that are developmental, the same way we do things that are foolish, guess what? We lose emphasis and impact on what really matters. Like now we're all all of a sudden telling them, quit being a kid. And we don't want them to be adults, we want them to be kids. But we want them also to have manners. So if I tell my son, sit down and listen, and then he chooses to stand up and do something, now he's been disobedient. Now that's going to get discipline, right? So in our home, we say this three things. These three things always get discipline, or hopefully always get discipline. If we're if we're fully engaged and not like in a you know comatose after a long day, right? It is. So we say this that disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty. Disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty are going to get uh discipline in our house. That equals the discipline. Our kids know that. Now here's what that does. You could say there's a lot of things that fall under those, right? But here's it helps my kids know that if they do one of those three things, we can come back to it and say, hey, listen, right now, you're being disobedient, and because we love you, we're going to discipline you right now. Or you're being disrespectful to your mom, you're going to be disciplined right now. Or you're being dishonest. And by the way, let me just note this dishonesty is one of the most important things that you have got to address as a parent because you can deal with a lot of problems, you can deal with a lot of things if your kids are honest. But when they live in dishonesty, um uh there was a little kid that came to our house this week, and uh he just showed up one day at our house. We don't really even know this kid. He just showed up, he's he's six years old, same age as Leaf, and he came in, he's like, Hey. And I was like, Who's this little kid at my at my house? He's like, I didn't it happens at my house pretty often that people show up, and I don't really know who they are. But one of our took ten minutes to learn his name. Yeah, yeah, it took ten minutes to learn his name. But anyway, what we noticed is pretty fast, everything that came out of his mouth, or most things that came out of his mouth, were lies. Like, he just lied about things. And it was so natural for him. I mean, he we there were the kids were walking in the door, and and uh one of one of the kids, or he dropped a chicken egg. Uh, we have chickens at our house, some of y'all know that. We're rednecked, and um, and so he's walking in and dropped a chicken egg, and he just, without even missing a beat, says, Hey, Kira, dropped a chicken egg, chicken egg. Just blames it on my daughter. I mean, and he'd been the one who dropped it. And it was just, it just flowed right out of his mouth. You see, it's normal for kids to learn to lie, to protect themselves, right? And so in our home, we say, listen, to our kids, and this is becoming more and more true for us as we sit down and look at it. That is one of the most serious offenses in our home is to be dishonest. Because we can deal with a lot of things if you're honest. And so we've got to learn to teach our kids disobedience, disrespect, and dishonest. This is for us, it may not be for you, but you've got to fight figure out what's negotiable. You've got to you've got to work on what's non-non, I'm sorry, what's non-negotiable in your household. And um, and so I think that's really, really important. Um, we need to simplify for our kids what we're holding them accountable to because sometimes we overwhelm them. We feel like they feel nitpicked by every little thing because you're gonna have to say no a lot. And uh, and Jade and I feel like we know it's like no, stop. And we just got back from 10 days of vacation. We have lots of live examples of this, right? Um being in the car for a long ways. It's like, no, stop, quit, don't. You know, it's like everything is these negative commands to quit doing these things, and we try to really help them on the front end, but these things we know we have got to discipline.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Okay, the second thing we really wanted to impart to you is that you need to be on the same page with your spouse. And one of the first things as we were thinking through this um that we decided was not decided, but just felt like that this is a truth from God's word that um we need to see our children not as something to be worshipped, but as children that we are given to steward. And that right there is a fundamental belief that you and your spouse have to be on the same page about. And it's just the the thing is is that if you don't draw the line in the sand, our culture will do that for you because culture says that um children tend they tend to elevate them as the top and highest priority in the home, but that's not what scripture teaches. And in fact, God says that the priority should be Himself first, right? And our spouses second. But so oftentimes we fall into the habit of uh of elevating our children above our spouse. So, women, I get the privilege of speaking to you again, particularly on this point, because I think that this is hardest for us as women. And just as Nick already spoke, because of how we are created and our nature is to nurture, we tend to be more engaged and just more present with our kids. And so don't hear me say, because all of us know that our children, especially look at these tiny babies. I mean, they are completely helpless and completely dependent on us as parents, right? And we understand and recognize that our husband is a fully grown adult who should be able to fend for themselves. So I'm not talking about literally that our time and our attention has to be fully devoted, or that our husband should be at the top in our time and top in our um particularly during the season of young kids and and all that. Absolutely. That we we understand that as women, that that our children are gonna demand a lot of our time and they're gonna demand a lot of our attention. But it's really about where our hearts and our minds what we're dwelling on, and are we are we living in the order that God has given us through his word, or are we letting our culture supersede that and bring our children to the top of that ladder? And so just some practical things that um that we do and sometimes struggle through is we have a regular date night, and I know that for some of you that that is very difficult to try to give your five kids away. I get it, we know. But make that a priority, and even if it's not necessarily leaving your home to do that, um just set aside time to get alone with your spouse and to really talk about where are we in parenting? Are we imparting the same things to our kids or are our kids hearing two different things from the from each parent? Are we setting aside time to evaluate how are we doing as parents and how are we doing in this area of discipline in particular? Are we on the same page? Sometimes I will have been really honing in on, let's say, dishonesty, um, but really focusing in on that. And Nick, maybe if he doesn't know, if I'm not imparting what's going on in the home to him, he can easily come in and kind of not that he would intentionally negate the fact that I'm I'm targeting dishonesty, but if he's not aware that that's going on, just by the way that he interacts with our children, it could actually negate some of the work that I've been doing at home. So we have to be on the same page. And women, I think in particular, we have to take the responsibility of making sure that we are telling and communicating to our husbands. But on that note, husbands, I really encourage you to ask your wives. Ask your wives how are the kids doing it? How are you doing? Because what you're doing is you're validating your wife's role and you're letting her know that you care and that you're on the same page with her, that you're willing and wanting and ready to support and lead in that even if you're not physically present all the time in the home. One last thing I wanted to say that makes this this real down to air is plain and simple to be on the same page. This is this is kind of practical practical application of this. Ladies, we need to get our kids out of our beds. It's just practical application. Because really, your husband is never gonna vote for that. So just letting that be said, the practical application that's usually us in that nurture mode. And and I'm not saying there's never a time for that, but just think about that. Yeah. It's hard to put your spouse first.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Yeah, it's hard to have a relationship with your spouse uh when there's kiddos in the bed all the time. And uh we understand like there's there's times, there's places where that happens when kids are sick and they're scared or whatever, but uh we've known a lot of couples that have gotten into habits of letting their kids sleep with them, and you wonder why uh their intimacy level is not good. Well, there's a kid in the bed, so it's kind of a problem. Um, and so you we need to work on that. And in husbands, you have to lead the way in that um and encourage you to do that. Um, and one note too, she said date nights were really critical. I would also say that twice a year, uh Jada and I pull away with time where we go on a trip without our kids. Uh it may be a two-day trip, it may be a three-day trip, but we get away without our kids to somewhere, it's usually close. Sometimes it might just be I I set aside some budget money to go to a hotel that's right here in the city. But it's just to simply say, without our kids, we need to sit down and talk, and we think through uh financial things, we think through um our calendars, and we we will we talk through all that, but we also talk about parenting, and we walk through each kid and we think about what's going on in their life. And like she said, there's so many times where she's so much more in tune with our kids and where they are. Now, I try to stay in tune with our kids by taking each one of them on dates separate times, and I don't do that well. Um at times I feel like I I fail to get out as much as I would like to. Um, but even this past Saturday I had the opportunity to sit down with Aubryn and Starbucks and and just our our oldest daughter. And as I sit there, I get to hear from them and get to see from them, but I also get to hear from Jada when we get away. And so I would say now build a rhythm into your life where you're having personal time. Because as Jada said, the primary relationship in the home is not the parent-child relationship. The primary relationship at the home is the parent-to-parent relationship, it's the husband-wife relationship. And if you are a single parent in the room, one of the big things I need you to know, and you need to remember, because this might might not feel like it's very applicable to you, but but here's the thing. If you are a single parent in the room, that the issue here too is consistency. Uh, that we are saying the same thing. And so if you're the only one speaking, just be consistent in what you say because your kids are getting a feel and a read and a sense of um what is right and what's wrong, and what am I gonna get disciplined for, and and what and so even if you're a single parent, um, which I talked tonight before we even started with one of the single parents that's here, and and we were talking to have some conversation about some parenting things that she's working through right now. And I just said, listen, you've got to sit down periodically and you've got to think through a game plan. And if you need to bring some other people in for wisdom, some outside voices for wisdom, do that. Uh if you need to, if as a single mom, if you need some other men to speak into your son's life, then invite them in to do that. Go have dinner with some people and let them uh bring some wisdom into their life, okay? And so if that's your story, uh like God can still do amazing things through single parent homes because not every home has a mom and a dad, and particularly in this culture, only about 50% of them do, right? Um and so we need we want to remember that that it's about consistency and it's about having a game plan and sticking with that game plan and uh letting God work and use that in your life and in your kids' life. Okay? Uh the third thing I want us to focus on, and this is helpful as a dad from for for me to even personally uh internalize, is this recognize that your kids are not the enemy. Recognize that your kids are not the enemy. Now that might seem pretty obvious to some of you, but let me just tell you, when you're in the heat of parenting, you feel like your kid is like Satan, okay? Um, that's too strong. But there's moments where you feel like your kid is like, what is going on here? Like, who just possessed you? You know, like what is good, why are you so rebellious? Why are you so why are you being so obstinate and stubborn, you know? And so you are really struggling in that moment to not see them as the object of your wrath. Okay? Now, the reason I say this is because um I want you to stop and remember that we said God is our model for discipline. And think about how God disciplines us and how God sees us as his children. Because when God sees sin in our life, when he sees rebellion and disobedience in our life, you know what God says? God says, I hate that sin in your life. I don't hate you. I hate that sin. I hate that action that you are participating in that is causing you to go down this path to destruction. Now, here's why that's important. Because what we want to teach our kids is that we are on their side. We are on their side to help them overcome the dangers of sin. So when you think about Jesus himself, where it says in the scripture, before we were even a sinner, before we were even saved, but when we were just in our sin, and again, if you're not a believer in Jesus Christ, maybe this is the state that the Bible tells us we're in. It says that we're his enemy. But it says this also in Romans 5.8 that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He is for people. Okay? His posture is to be for people. And so when we think about, as a parent, we need to be for our kids. Now, this has been really helpful for me. Um, when I think about our kids and I'm disciplining them, a lot of times if I'm not careful, it's reactive. It's just in the moment, they do something wrong, I get angry and I react on that. Okay? Um, what I want to do is to teach myself to help myself to think, not I want to stop your behavior or I'm angry at you, but to think, oh no. Man, what you just did, that's not good. That sin, that rebellion, that disobedience, and that that is going to hurt you, and now I have to discipline you. And I'm not talking about a fake, like, you know, a fake sense of compassion or empathy, but asking God to really give me a heart for my kids that says to them, when I see them do something wrong, I say to them, man, I'm really sorry. I'm really sad that you just did that because I'm gonna have to discipline you now. Now I've got to implement, I've got to intervene in your life. And by the way, um, I ask my kids almost every time when I discipline them, I ask my kids, why is daddy disciplining you? And I want them to understand why, and I want them to be able to recite that back to me, okay? They may not get it right now, but I want them to understand. And they will tell you, because you love God and you want to obey God, and He tells you to discipline me. That's that's the first thing I want them to hear. And then I also that I love them. Because love is the motivation for discipline, right? It's the motive for discipline. So I want to build into them that dad is trying to obey God in disciplining them, and that because I love them, I want to lead them and to instruct them and to protect them. And so my heart is for them. I'm not against them, I'm actually for them, and so I can't stand for the sin in their life because I've got to help them find life, and that's going to lead them down to a path of destruction, okay? And so remember also that discipline is a rescue process. It's a rescue process. We're rescuing them from something that's going to hurt them, okay? So that they will not pursue satisfaction in something that is less than God. Because at the core of all sin, at all rebellious behavior, is a desire to pursue something we think is going to satisfy us, it's going to meet our needs, it's going to serve us well. But we know that sin is dangerous. It sucks us in, it makes us think this is going to be a really good thing. It's going to be something really fun. And by the way, we wouldn't do sin if it wasn't fun. And we wouldn't, we wouldn't participate in rebellion and disobedience. It wasn't something that made us feel good for a moment. But we do. We get sucked in and we do it. And then the question I have to ask myself, and the question you have to ask yourself, is you know, if we continue down that path and we experience that, what is the ultimate result of that? Again, it's it's death, it's destruction, it's it's hurt. And so we step into their life and we say, I want to help you, I want to help rescue you. And by the way, I've got to make a note here. Um, because some of you men in the room, uh, and maybe moms too, but I know for me, uh, when my kids disobey, I get angry. Um and it was only about four years ago that God started really dealing with me in my anger about this, because frustration is really rooted when I don't get in what I in when I don't get what I want. Okay? That's where frustration and anger comes from. It comes from me not getting what I want. Which is what many times I'm disciplining into my kids. So I'm getting angry because I'm not getting what I want, because my kids aren't getting what they want, and so they're acting uh disobedient, right? And so the reason I say that to you is because um I have to think about it this way: that in the Bible, is it okay to get angry? Does God's word teach us that it's okay to get angry? Absolutely it does. In fact, in Ephesians 4, it says, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up according to their needs, that it benefit those who listen, but it goes on to say, in your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Okay? So what I'm telling you is that the Bible actually says that it's okay to be angry. The problem is, is that it's hard to be angry about the right things. In fact, the Bible tells us this that blow-up anger, the kind of anger that we tend to have, that most of us as human beings exert, it's a blow-up anger. That anger is not of God. In general, it's reactive, it's it's to something, again, I'm not getting my way, I'm not getting you to do what I want, and so I'm gonna blow up an anger. And for even people who are slow in that, like they they kind of stuff it, um, eventually uh it blows up, and that's obviously ungodly. So we're not advocating that. We're also not advocating no anger. Okay? The Bible doesn't say that no anger is right. In fact, if you don't get mad about sin, something's wrong. God's given you an emotion, He's given you the capacity to be angry about the things that are wrong. And so we should be, what the Bible says and what the Bible teaches is about we should be slow to be angry. Because God is, it says this in Scripture, that God is slow to anger and abounding in love. So we should be slow to be angry. And that is not just in parenting, that's in life as a whole. And when I begin to understand that being slow to anger was what God wanted of me, when God wanted to lead me that, and about four years ago, when that really started hitting me, I began to become so much more free because I felt like that the only way I could actually function as a parent was to be fake. And to like put on this fake voice. And I'm not really angry right now, but I want you to, and the whole time I'm gritting my teeth because I'm really angry. So there is an appropriateness in how we handle our anger. We've got to be self-control. But if there is sin there, we should be angry. But here's what helps me again is that we're angry at the sin. We're angry at the behavior, we're angry at the things that are not honoring to God. We have to aim our anger that way because that's what God does in our own lives. Is he angry about the things that will destroy us. He's angry about the things that will ruin our lives. Okay? So I think that's really important. I could I could go on and on. I won't. I'll leave it there. Anything you'd add to that?

SPEAKER_02 33:49

No, but the next point really tags really well with that because the next thing that we want to impart is you have to fight for your kids' hearts. You have to fight for your kids' hearts. And so if we see discipline as a rescue mission, that we are trying to curve out this harmful, sinful behavior in our kids, we also need to realize that consequences or discipline, and however you choose to do that, in an age-appropriate and circumstance appropriate way, that that discipline is not only just about trying to rescue them from the sinful behavior, but it is truly about rescuing their hearts. Because in that moment they have bought into a lie that the sin is more attractive and should be elevated above God and above their parents. And so our job as parents is to see that. Um, Nick and I talked a lot about this. Sometimes it honestly is even a process of me having to get through that anger to a place of even forgiving my child for the sin that they have taken part in and how that has affected possibly me, but most of the time it's how it's affected someone else in our home or someone even outside of our home. And so we need to recognize that process in our own hearts that we have to be about not only our own hearts in that, but about specifically as parents, our children's hearts, that it is about rescuing their hearts. So we are um we use discipline in this manner to re-establish relationship with our kids. What does sin do? It breaks it breaks relationship, it breaks relationship with God, and it breaks relationship with people. And so as we shepherd our kids through what um what this looks like. Well, I'm just gonna give you a practical example. Um, we told you the story of the little boy that just in the last like seriously, like three days has just appeared in our house a lot. And um, we've kind of noticed some just common thread about what's coming out of his life. And so we're aware of that, and we certainly want to um in some ways and we want to be proactive to be speaking truth into our kids, but we also um want to use that as an opportunity to teach our kids the value of truth. So one of our children in particular will not speak names, um I'll probably mess up and say uh say something. But uh we saw this little tiny little thread of a white lie coming out. Um and so in this moment was sit down and said, okay. Now the fact that you didn't brush your teeth when you said that you did is really in the whole scope of things not that big of a deal. You were on your way to brushing your teeth. So I recognize that like this is not like a life or death issue, but what is going to receive a consequence and a discipline in this moment is that you chose to tell an untruth versus the truth. And the truth in our family has to be protected because what you've done in that moment is you've allowed the enemy to lie to you and say that it would be better, it'd be beneficial, it'd make it easier on you if you just told a lie instead of preserving the truth. And so who has this offended? This has offended God. Yes, it has. Who else has it offended? It's offended my family, the people I've interacted with. Yes, that's right. And so we talked through the whole thing, that it's not just about you told a lie, we don't tell lies, so you're gonna be disciplined. No, it's about I care about your heart. And we went on to explain that for us, if we just ignore the fact that, oh, it's just a little one, it's not a big deal, it's just a little bitty lie. If we ignore that fact, what we're actually doing is setting you up for failure, that that oh, the next time it just gets a little bit easier, and the next time it gets just a little bit easier until all of a sudden you're not even really sure what is truth and what's a lie because you've actually just kind of been doing it for so long that it you're hardly aware that you're even doing it. So what happened in that moment is that this child was disciplined for telling a lie about brushing his teeth. But the greater truth that happened is that we talked and communicated and set forth a pattern that's not only about discipline in our home, but it is setting forth a pattern of communication for the rest of his life. This is about conflict resolution for when we are teenagers and young adults, and when we are married, and when we are then, when our children are then parenting their own children, that we are establishing lines of communication, healthy conflict, and we're talking about the heart and not just the behavior. So that is incredibly important to us. And um, no, we don't always do that right. This takes a long time. Is it not easier just to like spank them and go? It really is. It really is. And I would say to that too, as a mom who is just constantly in the throes, I mean, five kids, like I'm talking all the time about some issue or another. But one of the things too that I thought would just on a practical note, once we've had that sit-down conversation and talked about um the importance of the truth, maybe we've had to do that again the next day. We've sat down and we've talked about that. If I'm dealing with that for, you know, maybe three hours in a row or you know, three days in a row, at some point, you know, we just look eye to eye and I say, you know the truth. I'm concerned about your heart, I'm concerned that this is becoming a pattern, you're gonna be disciplined. Like at some point, sometimes the the talking breaks down because I'm just simply worn out, and the discipline is is then um given. But we have to understand that the bigger issue in these moments of talking our kids through versus just blowing up and giving them a consequence is uh the bigger issue is are we building in a trust deposit with our kids? See, we we often worry, and I even told my child in that conversation, I want to be able to trust you. If I can't trust you now, what if you are telling the truth in the future? But I don't know that because I I don't know if I can trust you. But see, we often mistake that trusting our kids is the bigger issue. And we miss the fact that our kids being able to trust us is possibly the bigger issue. And what I mean by that is our kids need to be able to trust that we are not against them, that we are not about blowing up and blowing out, but that we are there for the long haul to walk alongside them, that they trust that our hearts are for them, they trust that our hearts are there to rescue them from their sin and to shepherd them into a right relationship with God and with others. So are we in our way of disciplining our kids building in a trust where our kids trust us? Because in the future, if you're raising young children, you will value that when your child is a teenager is able to come to you and talk to you because they trust you. Yes, we want to trust them, but we need our kids to trust us. So the last thing I'm gonna leave you with is that sometimes, and our culture does this a lot. Um, it speaks to a lot of parents are living that um, I want my kids to like me, you know, want us to be best friends, and I see the so-and-so over there, and they just look like they're in this little betty betty relationship, and so you know, I don't want to go around just disciplining my kid all the time because then they're not gonna like me. And that is such a dangerous place to be. Because the truth is that um if we are about wanting our kids to like us now when they're younger, the problem is they're usually not gonna like us later when they become young adults or even teenagers, and they realize that as a parent, mom and dad didn't really even care about me enough to set those boundaries. You know what? Um I was really kind of wounded and hurt a lot because mom and dad didn't seem to care enough to help me. See, later, when you want your kids to like you, that later from 18 until adulthood, that's a lot longer time, right? That we have to be in relationship with our children. If our kids feel like that we're a little tough on them, and man, I got disciplined a lot as a kid, and they're talking about like, you know, zero to eighteen. Zero to eighteen, or even sixteen or fourteen, because that relationship starts changing in those teenage years and into the adult years. Later is longer. Parent now for the long haul. Later is longer.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

Yeah, I I um I know one of our goals as parents is that our kids want to come home when they get to be older and that they want to still um stay connected in community with us. And so I think that this relational piece of fighting for their heart, um, that we that discipline is a relational process. It's not just something that we uh exert on our kids, but it's something that we work them through, we coach them through. And so there is a sense in which when they're young, you can't talk as much. Um, you've got to be very careful how much you talk because they kind of get lost in some of the verbiage, and um it's easy sometimes as parents just to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and they're like glazed over, they don't get it, and you're telling them, be still and listen to me, you know. And uh, but but we do need to relate with them, and I always know that discipline has been successful. Okay, I this is how I know that discipline has been successful. Uh one, I see their their heart soften and them change like they really want. I need that this was wrong, yes, I know that, but this is what's more of an indicator. Almost without fail, they crawl up in my lap, they put their head their arms around my neck, and they say, I love you, daddy. And I know that I've just implemented pain in their life, but in that they know it communicates love to them. And so I love those moments because there's nothing sweeter to me as a dad than when my child comes up and puts their arms around me and knows that I just had to discipline them, something that I did not want to do. And they say, I Love you. And it's not like they could say thank you right now. In fact, I don't think they thank you for spanking me, Dad. But they're saying, I like I needed that. I know I need that. And so I just would say to you, as you parent your kids, you're going to have to do some hard things, but they are going to thank you for it later. And they're going to appreciate it because it does, again, that rod brings comfort. It brings security, okay? The next thing I want us to talk about, and this is, I really can't say all that needs to be said on this, okay? But if you've got your listening guide, just write this down. We can come back to it later. Um, and I'll be happy to answer more questions. I'm still learning this because we only have a 10-year-old. That's the top where we are. But I also worked in teenagers with teenagers for about 10 years, um, uh working with students day in and day out, particularly working with students' parents, and I can't tell you how many parents I had sit across from me at my desk in my office, and they would say things like, Well, what in the world am I going to do now? And I'm like, Well, you should have been asking that question a long time ago. You know, you've got a 13 or 14-year-old who's really trying to exert their independence now. There's some things you should have done way back, okay? But here's the thing I want you to understand. We need to prayerfully, as parents, with our spouse, and if you've got one, if you don't, but you need to prayerfully ask God for wisdom to know how to move in three areas from protection to freedom, from control to influence, and then from dependence on you to dependence on God. Okay, I know you got a lot to write down there. Okay, that's the three things. First, protection to freedom. When you're in your baby, you bring those babies home, Greta Joy came home this week. I mean, you just protect her, right? These twins back in the back of the room. You protect them. It's your job, it's your role. You don't just put them out on the porch and say, okay, go make it, go do it, right? Not gonna work. That would be cruel. You protect them, right? You also control, you create a controlled environment that they're in. You control their behavior. And when they're very, very young, even like Cray, who's uh 16 months, you know, it's like we move him to the right behavior. We do the right, we help him, we understand, we instruct him through a lot of control, if you will. Okay? But try controlling a 13-year-old. Right? Is that gonna happen? Is that gonna work? No. You gotta know how to navigate this transition, okay? How to take them from protection to freedom as you give them more freedom, and how do you take them from control to a place where they really are not just being controlled by you, but they are influenced by you. They actually are asking you for wisdom. And this kind of goes back to the last point we made because when there's a relationship there and they trust you, they're gonna come and ask you for wisdom. But let me make this side note. In every kid's life, it's almost inevitable that in every kid's life they're gonna come to a stage where you're dumb, where you don't know anything, where you know it doesn't matter how great of a parent you are, don't be offended when your kid thinks that you don't know anything. Okay? I saw this over and over and over with our teenagers. And this is why it's so important, this is why we are huge proponents of student ministry, of kids' ministry, because we know that you need, your kids need other adults in their life saying the same things that you say. You need, you need you, you need to know who they're gonna go to for wisdom when the time comes. Because if it's just their friends, guess what? Are their friends smart? Every now and then they get a good friend who's halfway bright. But many times they think exactly like they do, right? And foolishness is bound up in the heart of a youth. That's what the Bible tells us. So they're just gonna feed each other and they're gonna say, yeah, this is why, and yeah, your parents aren't being fair. And so you want to put other adults in their life that they can build a relationship with that will speak truth to them. And can I tell you how many times that protected me? When I knew my dad was the student pastor that I grew up with in my church, and so I got to a point where I was like, man, I have to listen to my dad all the time. You know? But thankfully there were other adults in my world who would speak truth into my life besides just my parents. And thankfully I went and sought their counsel, not all the time, but when I did, I got good, wise counsel from them. And so let me just say, Redemption City Church does not believe that it is our job to be the primary disciple of your kids. But we do believe that every single one of us in this room are helping to raise these kids in community. And so you need other people, other voices speaking into the lives of your children, all right? And so I just say that because to be able to navigate from protection to freedom, you've got to know, okay, like I've got some other folks that are there, they're helping, they're with me. We're linking arms here. Yeah, we're having conversations. And by the way, that's some of the best things you can do is when you know there's another family you're really connected with, you can talk with them and say, here's some of the things we're working on. If you see this in my child's life, would you help like instruct them? Or we've got these leaders that they volunteer and they rotate through the back. You say, we've got this problem we've been working on. If you see this, would you just speak into that? You know, so they're saying the same thing that you're saying. But we've got to move from protection to freedom, from control to influence, from dependence on you. This is really critical, guys. From dependence on you to dependence on God. Those babies right now, they're depending on everything from mom and dad. Okay? But as they get older, you want them to depend more and more on God. You want them to rely on God as they get older, to rely on God for wisdom, to rely on God for strength, to rely on God that they that you find them praying and crying out to God as they grow up. Okay? And so many kids, I see a spectrum of where uh parents have controlled and they try to continue to control, and man, it just creates all kinds of sideways rebellion. All kinds of sideways rebellion because they're trying to control, they're trying to overprotect. And you're you're you're hurting your kids. I shared a story the first week of the series about um some family members in my world where I saw that happen, and I saw um I saw this family member just really struggling because there was overprotection and over-control. And so they they just uh kept them from ever growing up, is what happened. Okay. Notice that this is a big piece of this, that um there's some stages. I think this is helpful for me. Um I don't think I have these listed up here, but maybe you can write this down. There's some stages that you kind of view this in and they overlap a little bit. But one to five years old, we call that kind of the discipline stage. Uh, that six to twelve years old is kind of a training stage, uh, that twelve to eighteen years old is a coaching stage, and that eighteen years and on is a friendship stage. That just really was helpful for me to kind of think about where my kids are. So you're pretty heavy disciplined from one to five. I mean, and it kind of, again, it crosses over. It's not like it's a real clean cut. Oh, they're they're they're six now. We don't have to do that anymore. Okay? That doesn't it doesn't work that way, but I'm just kind of gives you an idea that when they're zero to five, if you're investing a lot in zero, that's probably wrong because you're not disciplining these kids back in the back of the room, right? But as they begin to struggle, you you're really hands-on, you're real focused. Listen, if you do the work at zero to five, one to five, it will save you a lot of heartache when they get from twelve to eighteen. And I can't tell you how many parents have got to 12 to 18 and said, you know, would you help me? And I'm like, oh man, I wish somebody would have been speaking into your life when they were one to five. Because you're setting patterns and habits and expectations when they're one to five. Okay? I'm not saying that God can't redeem that. If you're there, if you're already past that stage, you can still speak into that. You can still use God can still use you there. But I am saying that it's hard. So, discipline years, training years, coaching years, and then those friendship years, which hopefully are the sweet years when your kids actually want to come back and hear from you and interact with you as a friend, as a peer. And by the way, just a side note here, isn't it really weird when you begin to be a peer with your parents? Uh, it's a very interesting thing. We'll have to talk about that some other time. But it's a very interesting thing when all of a sudden you're not only your parents instructing you, but you're instructing your parents and you're having conversations as peers. Um, I don't know what that's gonna look like with my kids, but I I think even with my own family, I see that, and it's uh it's an interesting season of life. Okay? Um, discipline influences their behavior. Instruction influences their belief. And so if we're gonna move from a place where they're dependent on you to dependent on God, discipline is gonna instruct their behavior, but the instruction that we give them influences their belief, and belief is what ultimately drives our actions long term. So we're speaking into their lives. Um, and one note on this, just because it's a good opportunity to do it. Jada and I um have the opportunity to um, well, we've had the opportunity to learn from a lot of people, and we've tried to be teachable to other parents. We're like, when we see kids that are really good, we're like, okay, what did you guys do? You know, what did y'all do with your kids? How did you invest in your kids? How did you relate to your kids? It's been very helpful. But one of the things that we started doing early on with our kids was family worship. And some of you might go, well, what is family worship? And do you participate in family worship? And by the way, I've seen some families that had family worship every day of their life with their kids, and their kids don't love Jesus. So this is not saying that if you do family worship, it's formula that they're automatically going to love Jesus. Okay? It was very ritualistic, it's very moralistic for them, and so it didn't connect to their heart, and so they just kind of walk out with a lot of information about God, but they don't know God. You hear what I'm saying? But I am saying this the dinner table for us is a really important time. Dinner table is huge for us. That we try to be intentional at our dinner table. And some of you, some nights it's like chaos. Total chaos. We look at each other like, what is going on here? Okay. Um put them to bed. Yeah, put them to bed. Let's just get them to bed. That's the best thing right now, okay? Um, and it's because we've got five that are that are kids, they're being kids, and they've had a long day the entire day. But we try to use that time intentionally, and there's two primary resources that we use that have been really helpful for us. Um we've tried to change it along the way. We sometimes use the breakfast table, sometimes we use a dinner table, sometimes we use right before bed, but that's usually like a hard time to really get all of our kids together and to get them to be quiet and still for a long. Um but we use the Jesus Storybook Bible. If you don't know about the Jesus Storybook Bible, get a copy. It's not just good for kids, it's good for adults. In fact, I believe everybody every adult should read it because it shows us that the Bible is not about just rules and regulations that point us to Jesus and his redemptive work. Um, the other one is a devotional book that Sally Lloyd Jones, who wrote the Jesus Storybook Bible, uh, put out. And we use that in the mornings because it's really quick. The thoughts it takes about 45 seconds at max to read it, and we pray. And it's just a really, really good resource to point them to Jesus as we get our day started and ask for God's help. And so I just say to you, like, what's most important is not so much that you have this rich, rigid, structured family worship time every single day. What's more important is that we engage our kids on spiritual conversations in all of life. So we just got back from the mountains. Guess what? Great opportunity to talk to my kids about the wonder of who God is. The awesomeness of God, the greatness of God, the grandeur of like looking looking at the mountains and saying to them, can you believe that God made these mountains? That he just pushed them and he just formed these mountains. Great moments of worship with my kids while we were gone. And it's not just that you've got to drive to the mountains to do that, okay? It's wherever you are in life seeing practical things that you can connect God and the gospel to. Um so again, I could say a whole, whole lot more here, but I don't want to uh because I don't have time.

SPEAKER_02 55:18

So I'm gonna follow your example and stand up. Yeah, feels good. Not comfy. Okay, um the last one that we really want to point out is um the importance of just giving your kids grace. Give your kids grace. And um as we are interacting with them, as we are speaking into their lives, as we are trying to capture their hearts and and rescue them from sin, um we recognize that the truth of the gospel, I mean just think about what has God done for us in the gospel. It is a complete sacrificial love that the Father gave up the Son and that the Son was willing to go, a complete sacrificial love that Jesus went to the cross on my behalf. It was a putting others first that Jesus chose to not stand in his own right as King of Kings, but to give up of himself on the cross for me. It was in the grace of the gospel that I am set free from sin. And I can live in that freedom, and I don't have to be perfect because God sees me as he sees his son because of the blood shed on the cross. And that is the grace of the gospel that we need to be imparting to our kids. Sometimes that grace looks like I love you too much to not discipline you in this moment. And that is the grace of the gospel to say I would rather not deal with your sin right now. But because I love you and because I recognize that your heart is entangled in sin right now and you need rescued, it is because grace and the gospel that I am that I am here as your parent to walk alongside you. Sometimes the grace of the gospel means that I look my children in the eye and say, What do you deserve right now? What does your sin deserve right now? Consequence, death, you know, whatever answer, a spanking. And there are moments when I'm just compelled by the Spirit to look at them and say, In this moment, I know what you deserve. And I'm gonna give you grace. And it is to impart on their hearts the gift of the grace that we have been given through Christ into our kids' lives, for them to see a vivid picture of what that looks like and feels like in their everyday circumstances. And so we understand as we look at how what Jesus has given himself for us on the cross, that it is God's kindness. It is his kindness on our behalf that leads us to repentance. And it is the same way with our kids that as we speak into their lives, that our our tone and our voices and our demeanor towards them needs to be, just as Nick said, this this communication of I am so sad, I am so sorry that you chose a path, that you let Satan lie to you in that moment, and you chose a path that is going to lead you to sin and destruction because that is not God's heart for you, and that is not my heart for you. And so we need to just recognize that how powerful the kindness and the grace of God is in our kids' lives. Um another thing um that we felt like was just really important, and we deal with this a lot, just even with our own kids, just sometimes we get this little response or reaction, like, Well, what do you what do you think? I'm supposed to be perfect. You know, what do you think I'm I tell them I asked you to clean your room, but you know, I see the majority of it picked up, but I just see these kind of like sore spots in the room where when I say pick up your room, like I mean pick up your room. What? I mean, do I have to be perfect? Have you heard that before? And you know, it just makes me stop because I recognize that you know what, I I don't have to be perfect. I mean, that's what the blood of Jesus is for me. That God sees Jesus as he looks at me, but that in the grace of the gospel I also recognize that we are we are told that we are imparted by God that we're to we're to put others first. That we are to view that instruction to clean up a room as, oh, okay, mom's instruction is important to me. And so because of the gospel and the truth of the gospel, I need to, I need to do it completely and not just partially. And so there are valuable life lessons that we can come in and impart to our kids, recognizing that it is it is in the grace of the gospel that we can set a standard for our kids that says, no, you don't have to be perfect, but it is because God has loved you so much, He's given you so much, can we not be compelled to then give to others, to then do a task completely because we are compelled and motivated by the standard and the example that Christ has set for us. So that is um when we when we get that kind of like pushback on perfection, we're able to look at them and share with them that this is what Christ has done for us, and if we're following the example of Christ, we want to give it our all. Um the last thing I was wanting to say here is um the most compelling reason to obey is not the law or its consequences, but it is the attractiveness of the gospel.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:39

So yeah, and that's huge because um I think so much of the time we want to keep our kids from doing the wrong thing. And it's hard because many times my heart is that I don't want them to do the wrong thing because it reflects bad on me as a dad. I mean, most of our parenting, if we're honest, has more to do about how people perceive us as parents, whether we're a good parent or a bad parent, than it does that they are missing out on God's best. And so just asking God to shape my heart, to shape your heart around that so that we can compel them, that it's not so much about me keeping them from doing the wrong things as it is to me showing how attractive that God is and his ways are. Are you with me? That God's ways and his thoughts and his plan and his purposes are so much better than ours. That when we worship God, which is what we were made for, which is why they were born, it's why we were born, it's why we were created, was to worship God. When we worship him, that life is so much better. But when we choose not to worship God, we choose to worship self because that's what in essence all sin is, is worshiping self over God, that it's gonna be a disaster. It's gonna be a mess. So we want to make Christ attractive. Um, when we when we try to build it all around the law, we're not doing what God did. God didn't build the Bible around the law, he built it around his grace and his message. In fact, I want to give you this quote. I read this this week as I was even thinking about uh tonight. It says this the primary reason our kids fail in their doing is that they fail to grasp at a deep heart level what Jesus has already done. You hearing that? That the reason that they fail is they fail to grasp at a deep heart level what Jesus has already done. They often give up in their efforts to obey because we have unconsciously trained them to obsess, catch this, to obsess more about their feats for Jesus than Jesus' feats for them. They're so much more focused on what they can do to be a good person, to be, to, to, to follow and obey Jesus than what Christ has already done for them to give them life. And so tonight, listen, as I started prepping for this and working through this, I felt an overwhelming sense of I have failed my kids. There was just a guilt and a shame and a conviction and some good and some bad just overwhelming, like, man, I've really screwed my kids up. I've really messed up, I've really blown it in some ways. There's some things that I've done that I just really have missed it, missed the mark. And it was in that moment that I just felt like God came in and just reminded me look, Nick, you're going to blow it. You're going to mess up. You're not going to be a perfect dad. You're not going to get all this right. And in fact, that's not even the goal. But to rest in his grace. To rest in his grace. One of the greatest prayers that we can pray is, God, we're going to do everything we can to obey you, but give us strength to do that. But ultimately, would your grace be sufficient? Would we just rest in your grace? And we can. We can. And so I want to pray that over us tonight as we wrap up. Because if you don't understand what the gospel is, you're going to have a hard time parenting your kids. The gospel is the good news that though we were broken, though we were messed up, just like our kids, though we are sinners, Christ died for us. He set us free by his work on the cross, his finished work on the cross. And that if we put our trust in him, in his death, and his burial, and his resurrection, we can have life. Not just here and now, but forever.