A Study In Ephesians: Gospel-Formed Family

Ephesians 5:18 - 6:4

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Thanks, guys. Good morning, church. How are we? Good? Anyone need a diet? I d I feel it. It was good. Ate a lot of turkey, ham, all the good stuff. It's great to have a holiday that makes gluttony okay. I'm just joking. Just joking. Good to see you guys this morning. Glad that we're here together and uh get to worship with you. Um that song we just sang, Living Hope, it uh reminded me today is the first Sunday in the Advent season. I don't know how many of you guys participate in Advent or have participated in Advent, but today is the first Sunday of Advent, and typically in churches, and we've done it before here, we're not doing it this year, but you would light a candle today, and the candle for the first Sunday of Advent is a purple candle, and it's the hope candle. And it's a reminder that we have hope as Christ's followers, as his children, because our God is a God of hope. In fact, in Romans chapter 15, he says, Paul writes there, May the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace as you put your hope in him, right? And so we have a God of hope. And what's great about hope for Christians, for Christ's followers, for God's children, is that hope is not like uh wishful thinking, but it is confidence in God's promises coming to fruition. That we can be confident that when God says he's gonna do something, he will do it, because he said he was gonna send his son, he was gonna send one to crush the head of the serpent. For those of you who may not be real familiar with the Bible, all the way back in Genesis 3, after Adam and Eve blew it, God said, I'm gonna send one who's gonna take care of this problem. And uh, he did in the person of Jesus. And it's great is that they killed Jesus, not that it's great that they killed him, it's great that he's not dead. He's a living hope. He is alive because he didn't just come, but he lived a sinless life and went to the cross, and he uh he died and he rose again. And uh and we we praise God for that today. We sing with that hope in our hearts. And so I hope I hope you feel encouraged, and I hope you have had time this week to just be thankful, to stop and just really thank God for who he is and what he's done in your life. And uh, I know many people are still on the road traveling, being with family, and so we took this opportunity to teach a controversial passage since there's a lot of people out today. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Uh, but we are gonna teach a passage that is pretty controversial in the culture in which we live. And so I want to call your attention to it. If you have your Bible, go ahead and pull it out. Uh, some of you already know where I'm going because you've already read ahead. Uh, but if you haven't, it's okay. Uh we want to invite you into this conversation today as we're teaching through the book of Ephesians. One of the reasons we like to teach through books of the Bible is because it helps us get the broader context rather than just pulling or lifting a few verses out of a Bible passage, a chapter, a book. And that's really helpful. Uh, not that we always misuse or abuse this text when we pull it, uh, but sometimes we forget that it that these verses that we like that we put on our wall or we have them on stickers or bumper stickers or t-shirts. Like sometimes we pull those passages out of their context, and then we forget that there's actually a bigger thing that God was trying to communicate there. And it and it gives us a more full understanding of what those can mean. Like, you know, again, I could go into a lot of different um examples today, but one of them is simply Philippians 4.13, you know, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That sounds like a great scripture, but he's talking about contentment. Okay? And so he's really saying, I can be content in Christ. Uh he can he will give me strength to be content. Um for some of us, that's that's a hard thing, right? To be content. But the bottom line is that we want to look at the passages of scripture uh there in their context. And so today, this is gonna be really key because we're gonna talk about a passage of scripture that has been misused and abused, misapplied, you might say, um, misunderstood. And also, even if you do understand it rightly, it's offensive to many in the world in which we live. How many of you guys know that when you read the Bible, it's gonna disagree with you sometimes? Okay? It's gonna disagree with you. We should expect that. We should expect that when we come to the Bible, that it's gonna challenge us in our beliefs, it's gonna challenge us in our flesh. We call that that man, that that old man, that worldly part of who we are. It's gonna challenge us sometimes, and it's gonna push on areas of our life that make us feel uncomfortable. But that discomfort is actually a good thing, right? Because that means God is saying, listen, you need to grow. You need to grow, you need you need to continue to surrender, you need to continue to submit, you need to continue to be changed, to be transformed into who I've made you to be. And uh I think it's Tim Keller who says, you know, listen, if you if your God never disagrees with you, you're not actually worshiping God, but uh but a self-realized version, you know, of uh of yourself that you're worshiping some some God that you've kind of made up uh in your mind of what he should be like. God is gonna disagree with us sometimes. God is going to push on us again and think today is potentially one of those things. And so without getting further into that and explaining that, uh let me read. And if you happen, when you came in, did not get a worship guide and you would like one to take notes or to see the scripture reading for this week or know how to get more connected here, uh, you can lift your hand. We do have um Ricky back here who would love to get you guys a worship guide so you can follow along as well. So Ephesians chapter 5. I'm gonna start reading in verse 18, and you're gonna have to hang with me because we're gonna read all the way through chapter 6, verse 4. Can we do that? Okay, okay. It's a lot of text, but here we go. Uh it says this, and don't get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless actions, but be filled by the Spirit. And we read this uh last time I taught. Speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music from your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. The mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ in the church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband. Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord, because this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. Fathers, don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Can I pray again? Father, I just thank you uh for your word. And I would pray that right now, as we uh unpack at a high level some of this text that's here, I pray that you would speak to us. Without you, um opening our hearts to it, God, we will be stubborn and we will be resistant and we will be rebellious. But thank you that you you have given us a tenderness and a softness to trust you and to rest in your plan and your purpose and your truth. And I pray today, God, that you would just give uh us grace to receive what you have for us, and that you would grow us together. And we pray it's in your name, Jesus. Amen. All right. So, as I said, uh this can be a little bit of a challenging text for some, and there's a lot of reasons there, okay? Um, but I want us to focus in today on the gospel forms family, and we've been moving through Ephesians really quick, okay? There's many, many, many sermons uh in this text. And I have taught this text a number of times. Uh I've also uh used this text a number of times in weddings. If you've been to a wedding that that was uh a biblically uh sound ordained wedding, then you you've probably heard this text taught. Uh you'll notice that Paul in the text he actually quotes from the Old Testament and a quotes from Genesis talking about marriage. And I'm not gonna do the the the I'm not first off, I'm not gonna be able to cover everything in this passage because there's more there than we can get to today, okay? And secondly, um I'm not going to make this sermon purely about marriage today, um, but I think that we will come back to this. I'm excited actually to tell you that in February and March, so not too far, if God doesn't come back, Jesus doesn't come back, and we're still here. Um, then we're gonna be preaching through uh some of the need that we have to grow in understanding God's intent for family, for manhood, womanhood, marriage, parenting. And so we're gonna come back to that, okay? So uh just know that we do see that as a body, it is it is important that we understand God's intention and his plan for this. There are not many passages of scripture that speak directly to marriage in the Bible. Not in this way. This is the lengthiest one in the Bible, and so we'll probably refer back to it when we get to February and March. But for today's purposes, I want us to see some of the big high-level points that he makes about family and how God and particularly specifically this gospel that we've been studying in the book of Ephesians, how it shapes family. Okay? How it influences, impacts family. Now, family is a big deal, correct? We just came off of Thanksgiving, and for many of you, Thanksgiving was less than uh easy, less than comfortable because you had to interact with family members that made it a little bit of a challenge. Now, I'm speaking from personal experience here that even as I went into my Thanksgiving um celebration, I had a lot of challenges in front of me because being around family, particularly family that are your extended family, maybe your family of origin, it can bring up a lot of pain, it can bring up hurt, it can bring up um reminders of our shortcomings in our past, it can bring up uh just relational strife, it can bring up moments and situations where people knew you when and you were certain ways, and and it's hard to break out of that sometimes. It can it can bring up challenges for you just even interacting in a healthy way if you're like a child and you've got parents and you're no longer uh you know, under them. You've you've left the home and you've cleaved now to your spouse, like the Bible says you're supposed to, but there's still this weird dynamic there. I mean, there's a lot of things at play, right? But we know that that for many people, uh even just talking about family brings up uh anxiety. And 62, I think is what I heard, 62% of people were fearful about going uh home for Thanksgiving for the conversations that they were gonna have to deal with. I had heard that this week. Not only that, but when we look at what most shapes us, uh, you you you probably know this, but your family is what most influences who you are, most shapes who you are. Um and many of you are still uh still dealing with some of the heartache, some of the hurt, some of the difficulty of of your your growing up in your home. And so I can see around the room, even just in some facial expressions and some nodding and some elbowing, it's like, yeah, like family's hard, right? But here's the great thing: like, God can redeem our mess and he can redeem broken families. And even if you grew up in a Christian family, there are probably still sinful issues there. There are still things that have hurt you that have been hard for you. Even in the best families, we're we're still human beings who struggle and we have we have things we gotta work through, okay? And God has a plan and a purpose for that. Now, before I I again I I've already mentioned we're not gonna cover everything here, but I want to jump really back really quickly back up to the very beginning, very beginning of chapter five, because this is really key as we talk about the family today, okay? In chapter five, uh verse one and two, which is how we started this whole section, as he said, therefore, in view of all that God has done, in view of view of all of his this gospel, he says, Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children, and walk in love as the Messiah also loved us and gave himself for us a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. Okay? Now the reason I'm reading that again is because I want I told you while ago, you gotta make sure we put this in its context that as he starts talking about family, wives submitting, husbands sacrificing, you know, children obeying, all these things. Remember that this is in the context of this bigger letter that Paul has said hey, don't forget what God has done for you and who he's made you as new people in Christ, okay? This new humanity. And don't forget that you have this instruction to live as children who are loved by God and now live as people of love. So we have a new identity and we have a new way of living, right? And and that is really important because as we talk about all the issues of family, all the struggles with family, and we don't have near enough time to do that today, um, we are called as Christ's followers to live out family differently than the world. And when I say the world, I mean the way that the culture views family, how the culture establishes family, how it sets up what we should value and what we should do in family. There should be a difference in how Christians, Christ's followers, act. Now, that doesn't mean that we're uh we've got it all figured out, doesn't mean we've got it all right yet. We're in process. Amen? We're all in process, okay? But we are to live differently. We are to live changed, transformed lives by God's grace. And so I would say to you that today, as you think about your particular role in your family, as you think about your particular place and how you're to interact, remember this instruction for Paul. Therefore, as God's dearly loved child, right? Live a life of love. Just as Christ demonstrated and showed us how to live a life of love. So now, with that said, and I'm gonna come back to it because we're gonna need it, let's go straight into this passage. And specifically, uh, I'm gonna talk about three things that the gospel, God's message to us, God's redemptive plan for us, how that speaks to who we are as these new people inside of our homes. Okay, inside of our family relationships, family dynamics. I'm gonna start with verse 22. We're just gonna dive right in. And it says this. I'm gonna read it to you again. Verse 22 Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of the body. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Now, um, the first thing that I would say is that the gospel calls and compels us to submission in our homes. It calls and it compels us to submission in our homes. I'm just taking the order that Paul's working here, but as he set this framework of us as being these people who are sinners, who were dead in our trespasses and sins, and that we deserved eternal damnation, and now we've been rescued and brought in, he says that it's going to change the way we live in our homes, and there's an order to God's world. There's an order and a place that God has established how the home should function and how there should be authority in their home. And he says in this passage, he says that women, wives in their home, in their marriage, are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Now, that is a very challenging instruction. Would you agree? Yeah, we all agree, right? That's kind of rhetorical. That we all agree that's a very challenging instruction. It's a very difficult instruction. The question is, is what does it mean to submit? Well, I want to just kind of get rid of all the fluff and all the trying to like figure it out because I've studied this, I've looked at this, I've taught it before, but let me just try to be real practical. In a very practical way, to submit means to let that person who's in charge, that authority, that that person that's there, to let them have the last word. To let them have the final say. Now, that makes it really hard, right? Because that's that's what really, if you like, forget the Greek, forget all the he's basically saying to say that person has the final say. That person has the last word. Now, um, I know that this is a difficult thing when you start to put it in that framework, but remember what I said. We have to remember that that God is a loving father, he is a loving God, and that he's given us instruction for a reason. Now, there's a lot of things that I could say to sort of come around this that would remind us that um God is not a God who is is promoting abuse, right? God is not got God who is saying, you know, uh women who are being abused by a man, submit yourselves to the Lord, okay? And we can get into all that stuff. And if that's where you are today, again, if you are in a relationship, women, where you are being abused, um I want you to know, first off, my heart aches for you. And I would say to you, if you're in an abusive relationship, and it can be a lot of different ways, by the way. It can be verbal abuse, it can be emotional abuse, it could be uh physical abuse. And if you're in a relationship where you are being abused, you need to get help, you need to get out. God does not want you to stay in a place where you are being abused in that way, and we want to help with that, okay? I want to make sure that I say that on the front end, because a lot of this submission issue is about there have been really, really bad husbands, and they have used even verses like this to say, woman, submit. If I ever hear a man say that, that is not the heart of God, okay? That is not that is not the kind of leadership we're talking about. We'll get to that in a minute. But, women, we are called, you are called, women, um, to submit to a husband. Submit in the home and bring order. Now, interestingly, just above, in verse 21, um, I kind of skipped over this quickly, but in verse 21, it says, submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. Now, was Paul saying in that, I don't know if you noticed that one or it says submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. Was Paul saying that uh that everybody should submit to one another, so everybody should let everybody else have the final word? Well, nothing would get done, right? It would be silly if everybody's like, well, no, you do it. No, you say, no, you say, you say, like you play this game, like we're everybody, we're just gonna submit to each other. That that's not what he's saying. He is introducing this idea that we should um see submission in uh the godly homes, in godly relationships, and and it's a bigger reality because submission is actually possible in the kingdom of God because submission is not ultimately about value. The problem that we have in our world today is that we see that whoever's in the subordinate role is less valuable. That's not how it is in God's kingdom. Let me say that again. Just because you're in submission to someone does not mean you are less valuable than them. And that's really, really key because we have a messed up view that some people that are in submission automatically are less valuable. Women, as you are called to submit, that does not make you less valuable. It might make you more vulnerable, but you are not less valuable. And God wants you to hear that today. And men, you need to hear that today. That just because you've been given a different role, responsibility, does not mean that there's a value difference there. All men and women are created in the image of God. And in fact, we as the church ought to be celebrating the differences, celebrating the specific roles and ways that God created men and women different. There's a lot of confusion around this. Man, women, we need you. The church needs you. The church needs women to rise up and to be who God's called them to be. The culture needs to see women living out their God-given uh intended purpose. So this is this is really, really disheartening when I see uh women feeling like they are called to just be retract to retract and not to engage and and and then they feel less valued and they're less important. That's not the case. We need women to be who we are in the body of Christ fully. Again, there's so much more that we could say there today, but our culture is really, really confused around this issue because they try to say value and role are tied together synonymously. And they're not. They're not. Okay, I gotta move on for the sake of the time here. There has to be a leader, right? For order's sake, there has to be a leader. And Paul, Paul is writing what God has already said that this man has that role of leadership. And again, this is a lofty view of marriage, it's a lofty view of what was supposed to happen in the home. But Paul is saying that there has to be someone who is in the charge and who is leading and who is responsible and accountable. And some of you might be thinking, well, why is this so necessary? And how can this be fair? And how is this okay? Again, don't mess up the idea here of value and role. But there's a lot of reasons that come to mind why this is actually a good thing. Okay? And I don't know God's mind fully. I don't know his heart fully. I know his word, and I'm learning his word, and I'm trusting in his word, even when I don't fully understand or comprehend all of it. But I would say this: anytime we obey God, it leads to blessing. Right? Obedience to God brings blessing. This is an instruction from his word. Maybe that doesn't resonate with you, but every time we obey God, we can guarantee there's going to be blessings that follow because our God is a loving Father who is for us, who's for our freedom, who's for our joy, who's for our blessing. He wants to bless us. And so when we hear the instruction from God, we know that to obey it, women, to obey this hard command, to obey this hard instruction, will bring blessing in your life. I can promise you that it will bring blessing. Okay? Not only that, but there is protection in submission. There's protection in submission. Now, my wife and I, we laugh about this, but uh just on a practical note, and we'll talk more about this in in the spring, um, even having a conversation over dinner last night, I was just briefly bringing up that I was gonna have to teach on this today. I was gonna get to teach on this, sorry, not have to. Um, get to teach on this today. And we were talking about this idea, and and I already I've already seen it in my girls. I have three daughters, and they're they're watching their mom, and they're listening to their mom, and they're learning from her about this issue of how submission works in the home. And uh it was great because before my wife could even get the words out, my oldest daughter was already chiming in saying, I love it because the man, he's the one who gets who has to be accountable, right? He has to be responsible. So I get to just like be up underneath his protection, and like if lightning strikes, it strikes him, not me, right? It's like like that's kind of the concept, right? So it's the idea that there's a there's a protection that comes in that, right? So, women, as you submit to your husband, remember, like what you're saying is, God, I'm trusting you. And if this joker does something bad, you're gonna take care of him, right? And so there's a beauty and there's a freedom in that. There's actually a real blessing in the protection that comes under submitting to that authority in God's way and God's plan, okay? And so, women, just a benefit to you. Yeah, appreciate the benefit that you get to be the one who says, I'm gonna come under your authority, and you know what? You're ultimately responsible and accountable before God to lead us. Okay? And I think that's a really good thing. Here's the deal: you will also, women, in this, a benefit to you is you will get you will gain greater understanding of what God intended for your gender. You will actually begin to understand what it means to be feminine. You will understand what it means to be a woman. As I've already said, there's a weird dynamic out there that says uh women should be men. No, women should not be men. Women should be women. God made them uniquely with all these beautiful gifts and abilities and ways that they operate that's different from a man. Again, I know I'm treading on thin ice in a culture that we live in today, right? But God uniquely wired them. I want men and women to experience the fullness of who God made them to be. God wants that for them. And so, women, you will begin to woo, coming at me. I don't know why that satanic wasp is always in here. It's because they're talking about submission. I'm gonna hit him with the word. So what Jesus did, right? Come up and protect me, Parker, if he comes in. Okay. We're family around here, so. Um, so you will gain a greater understanding of what it means to be a woman as you follow God's plan. And then last of all, I want you to hear this. This is awesome. Women, when you submit, you are actually demonstrating Christlieness. You are living like Jesus. And in fact, you are actually helping lead the church in understanding what it looks like to live in submission to God. You're actually leading, you are you are leading the way in a very uh, what I would say, a gender-specific way that God's given you to teach us as a church, help us as a church submit to the Father, submit to God. You're helping us do that. You are leading in that by example. Is it hard? Yeah. Being a Christian is hard. Being a Christ follower is hard. Anybody who says it's easy doesn't understand the Christian life. But is it good? Yes, it is good. And we will be blessed as we walk this thing out. Listen to the words of Philippians 2, 5, and 8. Philippians 2, 5 and 8, Paul writes, make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus, who existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for his own advantage. Instead, he emptied himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And then when he had come as a man in his external form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even to death on a cross. Jesus knows about submission. He knows about emptying himself. Women, when you submit to authority in your life, then you are actually following the example of Jesus. You are demonstrating Jesus, displaying Jesus' attitude and heart for us as a church and for the culture at large. Women, you have a hugely important role in this. Now, one thing. He landed. I missed him. So one note. Kids in the room, and I'm not just talking about young kids. If you have a mom and dad, okay, some instruction that Paul gives us about submission in this passage that ought to be a part of a family that's shaped by the gospel, formed by the gospel. In verse, in chapter 6, verses 1 through 4, we know he's listed out these things, but verses 1, 2, and really 3 here, he says, Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord, because this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you, and that you may have a long life in the land. Um, Paul reminds us that in a gospel-formed family, in a family that is shaped by God, following his ways in the kingdom, that children are obedient and they're expected to obey their mom and dad. They're learning, they're practicing obedience to God by obeying their parents. Uh, we say to our kids, in fact, this last two nights in our home, not because our kids are terrible kids, but because they're sinners and uh they need to be reminded just like I do. And we've talked about obedience again, and we talked about how the in our home that when you disobey mom and dad, you're actually disobeying God. And so we try to teach our kids obedience, and that obedience brings blessing, and disobedience brings conflict. And we talked about how that obedience is doing what I'm told to do when I'm told to do it, with the right heart attitude. And our kids can can tell you all those things because we we talk about it regularly in our home, because this is what God tells us to do. This is how God's word lays it out. And so children are to obey their parents. Now, again, when we get to the spring, maybe we can talk a little bit more about where's obedience and honor? And where do those two things kind of shift? Because as you get older, uh, does it does an adult child still obey their parents in the same way as a young child? No. But do you still honor your parents? Absolutely. You still honor your parents, you still respect them, you still acknowledge their role. This this week I had to have a hard conversation with my family. And as I approached that conversation, I approached it and I said, God, give me a heart to honor my parents. Even as I have to say something that could come across disrespectful, or it could come across condescending, or it could come across as if I'm trying to take their role, I pray that I would honor them and honor that role and respect them, but at the same time speak truth and love. And God gave me that ability by his grace. I was encouraged and instructed by another man in our congregation. That exact thing. I'd been praying about it, and he uh he called me and said, Literally, I want you to make sure you honor your parents. And it was such a good reminder. We want to honor them because we honor our parents, we are honoring the Lord. When we don't honor our parents, we're not honoring the Lord. Okay? And we want the world to see there's a difference. And specifically, just on a real practical, because I know we're talking lofty up here. If you're if you are condemning, if you're slamming, you're slandering, you're talking bad about your parents in a way that is just dishonoring to them, like, guys, we gotta stop. It ought to be that way for anybody we talk about, but as we talk about our parents. And did you notice that he quotes from Deuteronomy here? And he gives us this promise. It's the only commandment in the Old Testament that has a promise attached to it. Did you see that? What's the promise? So that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. My parents used to say that's because we won't kill you, right? I know it's not not really good anymore to talk about it that way. But uh my I grew up where they still used a belt to spank us, and we still got in trouble, and we still, anyway, so that's another conversation for another day. But the truth is that God says, You will be, you will have a long life if you if you honor your parents. So to submit to them. Now, the second thing, we've got to move on. The gospel also calls and compels us to sacrificial servant leadership. Sacrificial servant leadership in our homes. Okay. Men. We talked about the women and how difficult it is to say, women, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. Men. Here's what he says to us. You ready? Buckle your seatbelt. I think this is this is uh this is a tall order. Verse 25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. In the same way husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it. Men, we are called to lay down our lives for our wives. We are called to give up our personal agendas. We are called to be selfless in the relationship. We are called to lead sacrificially in our homes. We are called to think about what would bless them, what would make their life better, what would help them flourish and do that. What would we're we're called to live in such a way that we'd say, what would we want if we were them, and to treat them in that way? We are called to say no to our flesh, we are called to say no to our personal egos, and we are called to lead to lead and to love in such a way that they see Jesus. In fact, that's the comparison he says, is just like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it. Wow. Man, I feel like I need Jesus a lot when I read that. A whole lot, because that is an overwhelming task. To live that way, to live in such a way that people would go, wow, that's just like Jesus loves the church.

unknown 34:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

What an incredible thought. Men, we are called to love and to lead and bless our wives, to really help them to see God's goodness through our leadership, to actually help women grow in their trust of God because they can grow, they're growing in their trust of us in our heart for them. I don't know about you guys, but I don't see a lot of this in our culture. In fact, I I find in my own heart there's moments and there's days where, man, I I am not loving in this way. I am not leading my wife through sacrifice, I'm leading my wife from a place of selfishness. And my prayer has been even this week, because when you preach these passages, it all gets brought to the surface. So it's not fun. It's like when these kind of passages are coming, uh, I can almost anticipate that these things are going to be brought to the surface and God's gonna put them in front of me and say, Look, here's where you need to grow. And I I thank God for it, but it's hard. And even this week I was reminded of some shortcomings in my own heart, in my own mind, and my actions towards my wife. And I'm thankful for grace, and I'm thankful for God's patience, and I'm thankful for his example. But this is what we're called to, men, is to love our wives like we love our own bodies. To literally say, I'm gonna love you like I love myself. And let's be honest, we love ourselves a lot. And we we say, God, help me do that. Help me follow Christ's example, help me literally lay down my life for my wife. Now, just one practical thing here, uh, because we've talked about submission, we've talked about this sacrificial love, but um, let's just take a practical example of you go to the car lot, it's time to buy a new car, and you say, All right, let's go down to the car lot, let's get a new car, and there's a black car and there's a white car. So how does this functionally work, right? Is it, well, the the wife says, I want the white car, and the husband says, I want the black car, right? So who wins? Who decides? I mean, this is a silly illustration, right? But who decides? What does God want in this situation? Is it, well, the woman says, Listen, you're supposed to love me and lay down your life for me. And the man's supposed to say, Woman, you're supposed to submit to me, right? And then you just go back and forth and figure out who's gonna do that, right? Well, there should at some level be attention that's there because we literally want to bless the other person. That we want to bless them. Now, again, I'm giving you a silly illustration because there's a lot of other ones that may be true to life, too true to life, and it might get you a little distracted and lost in the moment. But here's the truth. In that situation, that scenario, we want to be other-centered. We want to be thinking about the other person, right? And thinking about how do we bless them. Because in life, you're gonna have lots of decisions where you have a selfish agenda, a selfish desire, and you're gonna have to be able to lay that down. All right? And somewhere in there, you figure it all out by God's grace. But know this: that the goal is to ultimately together to submit to God. To ultimately together in one. He talks about as one flesh, as he quotes from the Old Testament, as one flesh, to one flesh submit to God. To submit to God how we spend money, to submit to God, how we use our time, to submit to God, how we parent our children, to submit to God, how we decide which job we're gonna take, to submit to God and to operate under God's authority together. Are you with me? And as you both submit to God, God will bring clarity and he will bring unity and he will draw you into his plan, his agenda, his will, his desire. More, because God's more is more concerned about your heart than just your actions. Does that make sense? You still with me? He cares about this, he cares about what's going on in here. And so it's not just about arriving at the right decision, it's about where is our heart before him together as we draw in closer to God. And you know what's great? I've learned this as you're making decisions. Making decisions as married couples is a great opportunity to grow in intimacy. It's a great opportunity to grow in intimacy because you begin to pray together and you begin to submit your will to the Lord together, and it draws you together. Now, again, um there's a goal, men. And when we when we are when we are um when we are lovingly sacrificing ourselves for our wives, there's a goal. Did you see it in the text? Did you notice what he says in the text about the goal? He says, um, husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to do what? To make her holy, cleansing her with the washing by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. You know what the goal of lovingly leading our wives should be? To present her to Jesus and say, she is growing, she is thriving, she is flourishing in her walk with you, God. That's the goal. Like husbands, it's not just so that we get a better wife and that she submits more. It's so that more, she looks more like Jesus. Husband, is your goal to help your wife look more like Jesus? And in fact, in both of these scenarios, it's interesting. Um, I how many people I hear that they say, I just want to marry somebody who will just accept me for who I am. Just take me like I am. Now, if you know anything about marriage, that's not how it works. That is a romanticized view of marriage because the truth of the matter is that two people are gonna come together and they're gonna be different and they're gonna have to work out those differences. But you know what the thing about the gospel marriage, a formed marriage that's God's kingdom kind of marriage? You come and you say, I know I'm not fine, I know I'm flawed, and you're gonna help me discover that, and we're gonna work on it. And you both come to the table knowing that you're flawed, and God's gonna use your marriage to sharpen and refine you and grow you into who he wants you to be. So, single people in the room, as you're thinking about marriage, if that's something you're thinking about, and by the way, singleness is a gift. It is not a disease, it is not a lesser status, it is a gift. The apostle Paul was writing this as a single man. Jesus was a single man. Okay? There is singleness is not a problem. If that's what God has called you to, praise God for that. Use that, leverage that, be single for the glory of God. Okay? Don't settle for something less just because you think you have to be married. But I will say this. If you are seeking, if you're praying about being married one day, okay, just know that if you get married, it's going to rock your world. And you have heard that, but it's going to help you grow into who you're called to be as iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another, or one husband and wife sharpen one another, right? It will happen. That's what should happen as we come into our marriage. To grow each other, to help each other. We are partnering with God in that person's life to help them grow in understanding who they truly are and how they're to live. That's very different than the way the culture is. The way they view marriage. Because we view the marriage in the culture happily ever after, romantic. Do you guys realize that most people they marry someone based on the wrong criteria? They base it on the criteria of things that are only going to get weaker over time. Right? I mean, let's be honest. You you're basic, I'm gonna pick that person because there's these external things that I like about them, and those things are just gonna get weaker over time. What we should be praying about and looking for in a potential marriage partner is someone who we would marry that over time they're they're gonna get stronger in. And they're gonna help us grow stronger in. Does that make sense? And that we're gonna grow together to be more and more like Christ. We are partnering together. Because ultimately, all the thrills and the tingles and all the things that come when you're early excited about a person that you want to marry, like those things are all rooted in self. Marriage is about a sacrifice, it's about a covenant, it's about a commitment to the future, not just the present feeling. And the emotion I have right now. This is why, again, I'm kind of getting off here because there's so much I want to say on this, but we can't. We don't have time. It's a covenant, right? And marriage is so much bigger than our culture has made it out to be. And some of us have bought that. So in our lives, we want to be in a marriage where we are growing and helping each other step up. And men, it's our job to lead the way in that. It's our job to lovingly sacrifice and lean so that our wives look more like Jesus. Now, um, I love that marriage makes us face reality, to face the fact that we've got areas of growth. But I also want you to notice here in this situation, uh, in this passage, one other thing that Paul says about how men should love and sacrifice, sacrificially lead. Okay? He says in verse 4 of chapter 6, did you guys notice that? What's interesting in that passage is he doesn't say moms. I'm not saying moms are off the hook here. I'm just saying he specifically calls out dads. And what does he say to dads? Fathers, don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord. Dads in the room, don't be passive in your parenting. Don't leave it up to mom. Yes, we know mom will have a lot of impact and influence. Yes, every time you turn on a football game or any kind of sports, what do the guys say? Hi, mom. They don't say hi, dad. A lot of dads are not there. They're not present, they're not even actively engaged. But he says in this passage, men, lovingly lead your kids. Don't stir up anger in them. How do we do that? One is we see our kids as an annoyance. And so we just respond very like, you know, maybe we don't physically backhand them, but we basically give them verbal backhands because we just are like, you're annoying, get away, stop doing what you're doing. So rather than actively coaching and encouraging and helping them grow up, we just get annoyed with them. That's one way you can stir up anger in your kids. Another way is to completely disengage. Just not even care for them, not engage with them, be absent, not be present. And over time, guess what? Resentment and anger is building up. Right? And so you're making your kid angry because they're like, dad doesn't care. Men, we've got to be actively engaged in discipling our children. It's a privilege, it's a blessing, it's an honor to get to be a dad and to get to disciple our kids, to steer them towards the Lord. He says, look, he even says it, he says, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Men, this is a tall task for us, but we need to engage in this. Our culture needs us to engage in this. The world, the gospel mission needs men in the church to rise up and to disciple their sons and daughters. Let's not be absent. Please, please, please, let's not be absent from this task. Let's sacrifice. Let's lay down our agendas. Let's lay down our comfort. And there's a lot of practical ways we could apply this. Well, let's engage. Men, we should be imitating Christ and leading the charge and being people who know what sacrificial servant leadership looks like. Okay? Now, I gotta close this out. The third piece of this. The gospel calls and compels us to spirit-filled living in our families. The gospel calls and compels us to spirit-filled living in our families. I took a risk today by waiting to come back to this at the end. Because what can happen is as you're hearing this, submit, sacrifice, is you can say, man, I'm gonna try really hard to do this. I feel motivated, I'm gonna engage in this, I'm gonna work really hard at it. But I want to put it in its context. Again, bringing up the same point I made earlier. Let's put it back in its context. And what does Paul say in its context? Let's go back and look at verse 18. Don't get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless actions, but be filled with the what? The spirit. You want to know how we actually will live lives where women are submitting and men are sacrificially leading in their homes? It's not gonna happen by us trying harder. It's gonna happen by the work of the Holy Spirit. Making us into spiritual people who say no to our flesh and yes to Jesus. Who actually begin to live out the fruit of the Spirit in our homes. To be filled with the Spirit is to be emptied of self. To be less self-reliant and less self-absorbed. And to let the Holy Spirit move and work in us, in our homes. Our homes ought to be a place where the Holy Spirit is moving and working. And I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful that God gives us his Spirit to do what we, as John 16, Jesus says, John 16 says, the Holy Spirit's gonna come and he's gonna lead you, he's gonna guide you, he's gonna bring comfort, yes, but he's gonna instruct you, he's gonna teach you, he's gonna empower you to be the people he's called you to be. To be less self-absorbed and less self-reliant and more Christ-centered. That's what we want to be. That's what our homes ought to be in Christ. Now, again, just know, like today, if you feel challenged by this text, that is an opportunity for you to say, God, I need you. If you feel challenged in the area of submission, you feel challenged in the area of sacrificial leadership where you've been passive and disengaged, men, if you if you feel that, then today is an opportunity for us to say, Holy Spirit, please come and fill me and give me a fresh heart of desire and motivation and empowerment to actually live this out. God wants to use our families to put him on display to the world. God wants to use your family, he wants to use my family to help the world know and see his goodness and experience that. Yes, his ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. Yes, his ways are contrary to the culture, but his ways are good and they will lead to blessing. He will enable us to point people to life in Christ. And if today you're struggling, again, if you're struggling to be these kind of people, not only would I say welcome to the club, but I would say, praise God that Jesus Christ demonstrated what this looks like. And as he was doing that, he was actually rescuing us from it and forgiving us for our shortfalls and the ways that we lack. Compliance with him and alignment with his heart. Praise God for that today. Our marriages and families, I don't know if you know this or not, marriages and families, they're not the ultimate. In fact, if you make your marriage and your family the ultimate, you will not only crush your spouse and your kids with your demands and your expectations, you'll be sorely disappointed. And you will find that your family will not fulfill all the longings that are in your heart. But when God is ultimate, your family will become a place of blessing. It'll become a place of peace and joy and life. And it will demonstrate to the world God's goodness. Are you with me? Hey, singles, one more thing on this. Did you I say it again? Marriage is not ultimate. It's not the ultimate thing. And if God never brings you into a marriage relationship, if that's not what he has for you, it's okay. Now, if you have that desire in your heart, submit that to the Lord. It's good. It's okay to ask for that. It's okay to give that to the Lord and say, I want a partner in this life. I want to have a family. It's okay to ask for that. But just know it's not ultimate. In fact, in this passage, did you see that the end goal here is to point people to the mystery of the gospel. And the mystery that God's grace can actually bring, selfish, you know, uh non-Jesus loving people together in unity. People that don't know Jesus can actually have pretty good marriages, but they can never experience the fullness of what God intends because it requires the Holy Spirit at work in us to come together in a way that is the way he originally designed. And so, church, we ought to be demonstrating that for the world. It ought to be attractive to the world. I'm going to pray that over us today as we close out our time. God, thank you so much that we don't have to be people who uh have it all together. Uh God, thank you that we can admit our flaws and our faults today. Um, God, I would say that probably one of the biggest issues that plagues us in our marriages and in our families is our need to be right. To not be, to present or to feel like we can't admit weakness and failure and need for you to help. I pray today that there is a freedom in this place by your spirit to just acknowledge we need your help. God, thank you for Paul uh being under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to write these words to us. Thank you that those words that were written to the church at Ephesus are just as applicable today. And that, God, it's not just a cultural thing, but it is your way, your plan for us to embrace the way that the home is supposed to work. I pray that men would lead in such a way, that God, you would raise us up in this room, that we would lead in such a way that women would actually want to submit. And I pray that women would have such a posture of humility and submission that it would just convict, it would bring conviction on men's hearts. It would bring conviction in such a way that would call us to love and to lead well. I pray, Holy Spirit, right now in this room, that you would restore uh some health, some unhealthy marriages. There's some married people that want to be single because they are they feel a trap, they feel, they feel like they're in a dark place. I pray today you would bring healing, you bring hope. I pray that there can be some confession and repentance among couples today. Because we can do that in Christ. I thank you, Jesus, that you show us what true love, sacrificial love, and submission look like. Now we pray, Holy Spirit, you'd enable us to do it. I pray it's all in your name. Amen.