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Back in. Um took a group of students to New Orleans, about 80 kids, and we went down there to New Orleans and to help clean up after the hurricane. Uh anybody have the opportunity to do that? Anyone get a head down there? I know some folks that came uh to Texas from there, and many of you uh I've actually talked to some folks who've helped those families relocate to Texas when they're looking for homes. We had the opportunity to go and to help clean up. And so it looked like this. We were in these white vans with a bunch of kids, and we would drive out to these neighborhoods, and we would pull up, and we would uh we would get out, we would we had to wear like long sleeve shirts, long sleeve, you know, long pants, uh, we had to wear masks and goggles, and we would go into these homes that hadn't been opened since the hurricane. And what was fascinating is when you'd pull up to these homes, you'd see this home from the street, and it looked normal. Like it didn't look like anything was wrong with it. Uh it was it was like there hasn't been a hurricane here. Now, if you looked closer, you would see some signs of some things that were a little bit unusual. But when you open the door, it was like, whoa. I mean, first you would just get hit with this crazy stench because it was hot and it was just it was humid, it was nasty. You get hit with this stench to just overwhelm you. Your eyes would start burning, even with your goggles on, and then you start going and you just see the house is in complete disarray because at some point everything in these homes had been floating around. Literally, the reason why these homes it was it was uh it was interesting that you couldn't tell that anything was wrong because the water line was at the roof line. And so, literally, if you kind of backed off, you could see that the water line had been all the way up where stuff was floating in these people's attics. Family heirlooms, all these things that they had in their homes. And they hadn't even been back into these homes. And so it was this nasty process of going in and like shoveling everything away, basically stripping these houses down to the stud so they could rebuild these homes. And one of the worst jobs, uh, but the the middle school boys always loved this job, is to go into the kitchen and to open pantries that had been not been opened in all this time and all this rotten food, and then the the fridges. Uh the refrigeration uh, you know, of course, had been off at all time, all the food in there, and so they would duct tape up these fridges and then figure out a way to haul them out, you know, hoping they didn't come open. Because if they did, it was like you couldn't stop your gag reflex, you know. It's like you're just over and over, it's nasty. Okay? You get the picture? All right, everybody's like, man, this is just terrible. Um and so we would do this, and we did it for like a whole week. But I was thinking about it a little bit later on, I was thinking about how those houses look so normal from the outside. And then when you open that door, it's like, whoa. And it made me think a lot about how we are as individuals, but even as our families, that a lot of times, from the street view of our house, everything looks like it's great. You know, we got we got nice shrubbery around our house, uh, everything looks nice and pretty, uh, our yard's manicured in mode, or whatever, and and you got it look everything looks normal. But when you open the door, you see what's really going on behind that door, and you realize there's some issues. There's conflict, uh, there's some stench, and it's not the fridge, it's attitudes, right? You see that the issues that are going on behind closed doors because we are masters at like putting on a fun, clean, pristine front. But behind the doors of our homes, there's arguments, there's anger, there's bitterness, there's there's disobedience, there's all kinds of issues that are going on behind the scene. Right? Or is it just the shock house? Okay, I'm just making sure I'm not alone today. Because the truth is that in our homes, we are the most real. We are the most honest, and sadly, the people that we love the most, that we're closest to, they get the worst of us a lot of times. And I want to encourage you this morning that it's okay to admit that we've got issues. It's okay to admit that our homes aren't uh what we had hoped they were. They weren't our dream, they weren't fairy tale ending like we were sold as kids, you know, meet uh Mr. Wright or Mrs. Wright and live happily ever after. That's not the way it works. Because doing family, doing life in home is hard. And sadly, when you take two people who are, they both love each other, but they're both sinners, you're gonna have issues. And then you start having little baby sinners, and then it just gets worse and it complicates the issues. And you get more and more and more of that, and pretty soon you've got quite a mess on your hands. And here's the thing: in 2015, I want to encourage us to see steps of growth and progress this year at home in our families. And I think God has got some words of wisdom to speak to us because God is the author of family. He's the one that created marriage, he's the one that set it up where we could have babies, he's the one that made us in such a way that we could have family to accomplish his purposes. And we're gonna come back to that at the end, but I want to look at a really practical, direct, helpful, clear passage from Colossians 3 this morning. So if you have your Bible, go ahead and open up to Colossians chapter 3. And I'm not gonna come to your house and open your door and try to see what's in there, but I want you to know that God already knows. Okay? Scripture tells us that he already knows what's going on behind closed doors. He already knows what's going on in the conflict in our marriage. He already knows what's going on in the disobedience, disrespectful attitudes amongst kids towards their parents. He already sees all that. And he wants us to know this morning that he has truth, wisdom, insight, direction to help us. Not to live and wallow in that mess, but to actually see progress, to see growth, to see transformation. And I'm excited about that. I'm encouraged about that because I need that. I need hope that I'm not gonna have to just keep you know struggling and just keep running to the same issue again and again and again and failing. God has given us hope, he's given us help, and we're gonna talk about this morning. Okay? So Colossians chapter 3, verse 18. If you don't have a Bible, by the way, there's some under the seat. And if you don't own a Bible, feel free to take one as a gift from us, and uh we're glad to have that you have that. Colossians 3, I'm gonna just take verse by verse and kind of break this apart. And women, you'll be glad to know we're gonna start with you this morning. Verse 18. Wives, be submissive to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. We just dove into the deep end of the pool. I mean, it's like we just jumped off a cliff, right? And every woman in the room who's married is like instant tension, right? Tighten up. And the reality is that culturally, as soon as I say that verse, as soon as I read that, and the words come off the page and out of my mouth, uh, the culture says, that's old school, that's disconnected from reality, that is not, that cannot be what God says. Right? Because we just use the S word, submission. Well, I want to unpack that briefly, and I want to speak to you, women and men, you hang on because there's a word coming to you, and children in the room, there's a word coming to you, so just hang on. But everybody, tune in and listen up because I think this will be helpful for all of us. First, understand that when the word submission shows up in this passage that Paul gives to the people at Colossae, he says, wives, be submissive to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. He does not mean, women, that you are to submit to every man in your life. God, Jesus, the apostle Paul are not chauvinists. This is not about men being better, superior, any of those things, more valuable than women, right? Make sure you hear me say that. This is not a value statement. This is not about God making a declaration to all women in all situations, all circumstances, that you have to obey the men in your life. That's not true. Men have abused this, they've used this wrongly. In the past, even historically in the church, they've used this against women. And I want you to know that's not what the text is talking about. This is the context of a marriage relationship. This is a context between a man and a woman where the man is called to lead. And we're going to talk about his role in just a second, but know this. Um, not only is it not submitting to every man, this is not about women submitting to abuse. This is not about a woman staying in a marriage when she is physically being abused, uh, verbally being abused. This is not about women just submitting and laying down and saying, Do whatever you want to me, right? I want you to know this. If a woman came to us, to the pastor and to our elder board and said to us, My husband is beating me, we would say, Have you called the cops? All right? We wouldn't give that guy permission or an excuse to keep living in sin. So I'm saying that explicitly because maybe that's not your situation, but some women would assume that when we use the word submission, we're just giving men a free card to do whatever they want to their wife. It's not what God says. It's not what his word says, it's not the counsel we would give. So that may be a no-brainer, but let me just speak to that. If you have gone through that, women, if you're if you're dealing with abuse in your life, if you're dealing with hardship in this area, one, first and foremost, I want you to know I am so sorry. Because that is not what God intends for your marriage. That is not the way that God has called men to treat women, okay? And secondly, come and find help. Don't stay in a situation like that where you're it is unsafe, okay? And so we want to help protect you in that. But it does mean this. While it doesn't mean that you have to submit to every man or that you have to submit to men who are abusing you or doing things in that way, it does mean this: to acknowledge the role and the responsibility of the man, the husband, to lead. Okay? First, it's about recognizing his role and responsibility. Now, there's probably a lot of women in this room that are really strong leaders. And this is not a statement about your ability or capacity to lead. I know some really strong leaders. In fact, my wife is a strong leader, okay? And I want you to know that God has given women gifts of leadership, and they can use those gifts. They can use those gifts. These are not to be set aside as if men are the only ones who can lead. But I want you to know that in the role in the home, the responsibility, the headship is given to the man. Now, that might sound like, uh, wow, like, man, I'm so uh I so wish that I could be the head. And in fact, even going back to the garden, we know that part of the curse is that women and men will fight, they will struggle and wrestle for who's in control. And that's the hard part about marriage, right? Like one of my friends always said, says, you know, the scripture says two become one, and now we're just fighting it out to figure out which one we're becoming. Okay. And the truth of the matter is, is that being married is hard work, and it's hard to figure out, okay, like who's in charge, and am I in control and are you in control? And there's this battle that goes on. And men can be really passive in that. But we do need, as men or women, to you've got to understand that God is gonna ultimately hold the man accountable for your marriage and for your home. So leadership is not just about who gets to tell people what to do, it's about who's responsible at the end of the day for is this family living out the plans and the purposes that God has for your family. Are you hearing me? Leadership's not just about the good stuff that you're like, hey, I get to just boss people around. My kids think that sometimes. They're like, I want to be the leader, I get to tell everybody what to do. Actually, leadership is about owning responsibility for those that you lead. And God says to the man, your job is to lead to own responsibility. A phrase that we use sometimes is that the buck stops here. Men, the buck stops with you in your home. And women, it's your job to see that masculine role that he has. Again, this is not a value statement, it's a role statement, it's an order statement that God has put this from the very beginning in place. In fact, he even says in this passage, be submissive to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Well, what's as is fitting mean? It means that this is God's plan from the very beginning. God put this. He created man, he gave him a job to do, he put him in the garden. He asked him to name the animals, he told him that his job was to take care of the earth, and then what happens? Then he makes woman. Okay? And so he brings woman along to help the man accomplish the work that he had already given him. And by the way, just a side note here, he had also given man the one instruction about not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, before the woman's even on the scene. So who's ultimately responsible when Eve reach for eats from that tree of good and evil? The man, right? He was he was the one who was sitting passively by while his wife did what he'd already told him, God had told him not to do. Okay? That's a whole other discussion, a whole nother sermon. So just know that, women, it's you acknowledging his role and his responsibility in accordance with God's plan and God's way. And and I want you to know that as you feel that tension rise up within you, to take his role of leadership, to step into those places and to make decisions because he's not, because he's passively sitting by, or to get him to get off of his tail and actually do something. I want you to know that nagging is not God's way to get there. Okay? Um, some of you have heard me say this before, but there's a proverb that says that you know, a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet. Okay? I think it's a good proverb, right? That's that's the proverbs, uh, the the guy who wrote the proverbs, Solomon, uh, saying, Look, nagging wife, it's like it's just a dripping, it's annoying. It's not really helping, it's not getting anywhere. And the way my wife says this a lot is that if you have to nag and manipulate to get something, you don't get to keep it anyway. Right? And so in your life, women, let me just remind you that nagging is not going to help your husband fulfill his leadership role in your home. But I tell you what will. Praying for him. Praying consistently and faithfully for your husband, that he will step up and be the man that God's called him to be. Most men in the room, let's be honest, they feel like that they are insufficient, incapable, and they feel like that they're failing. And so they just kind of passively sit by and just kind of give up a lot of times. Women, encourage your husband to step into that role. Encourage your man and tell him that you're praying for him and ask him how you can pray for him. And if you this year in 2015 will make a commitment to pray for him every time you want to nag at him, God will transform your husband's heart. I don't know what it'll look like. I don't know, you know, I can't guarantee that he's gonna turn into Prince Charming, you know? But I can tell you this that your husband can see change and you can have a part of that as you pray. And also, when you're tempted to substitute yourself in his place and try to take charge, just know this. A man will not fight you for control in that way. Because it's it's it's really uh offensive to a man to have to like fight for the the the to be in charge. And so what happens with a lot of men is they just kind of step back and passively sit back, and rather than getting better, they get worse. And so I encourage you women to pray and to speak encouragement over your husbands, even when you don't feel like it, even when you don't feel like, man, that that's really gonna get somewhere. I don't think he's listening to me. I think Naggin's gonna help. Listen, it won't. Just promise, it won't help, okay? Um, pray for him, encourage him. All right? So your primary job in 2015, women, according to this passage, is to what? Acknowledge his role, pray for him, and support him in his role, right? Because at the end of the day, when you stand before God, your husband is the one who's gonna have to give account for your family and how he's led you and how he's led his family. That's a big task. That's a big job, it's a big responsibility. Encourage him. Okay, let's move on. We don't have enough time. This is we're moving fast here. Husbands, love your wives and don't be bitter towards them. A word here. Men. If you have to tell your wife to submit, there's a problem. Right? If you have to demand that your wife submit to your authority to submit to your leadership, you've already got an issue. You know why? Because we ought to be the kind of husbands who lovingly lead our wives in such a way that they want to submit to our leadership. They want to follow our direction. And so he gives, I always say that the men have a uh a higher calling or even a more difficult task. I know submission sounds hard, but when we get behind what love is, let's think about this for a second. What love really is, and he says that we should love our wives. And in Ephesians 5, he even says we should love our wives as Christ loves the church. I mean, this is a high calling men in the room. Okay? So, men, I don't know what you believe about yourself, I don't know what you think about how you're doing at home, but let me tell you, it is incredibly, incredibly important that you step up and embrace this calling, this specific instruction, to love your wives, to love them well. And so um, let's talk about what that means to love your wife. Because at a baseline, it really means to selflessly serve her and to sacrifice yourself for her. To selflessly serve her and to sacrifice yourself for her. You're like, well, where do you get that definition? Well, that's what Jesus did. That's what Jesus has done for the church. He has selflessly served the church and he has sacrificed, and Paul says in Ephesians that that's what we're supposed to do is to model our lives after his example, to selflessly sacrifice and serve. I mean, let's make this a little bit more tangible. Two things, just two. I could give a whole bunch, but let's just do two. How many of you men in the room, husbands, study your wife and try to find the ways that you can minister to her needs? Now that you've been married more than a year. Right? How many of us men in the room do we study our wives and get to know them and to and to see their needs and then and sacrificially meet those needs to put their agenda first? Listen, imagine what would happen if men in the room, imagine what would happen if we invested as much time in our wives as we do our hobbies and our work. Or for that matter, just a small percentage of it. Okay? We wonder why we struggle with our wives, or we wonder why marriages are struggling, because much of our time is invested in other things. And so I just would say to us this morning as men, love our wives, love them well, sacrifice, serve them, care for them, minister to their needs, study them, take them on dates, sit down and talk to them and turn the TV off, turn your phone off, turn your laptop off, and spend time getting to know them, listening to their hearts, getting below the surface. One of the best practices that's really um helped Jada and I in our marriage, just to kind of pull the curtain back a little bit, is that almost every Friday night, not every Friday night, but almost every Friday night, we go out on a date, and those those dates are so important. One, they're important for my wife's sanity because she's you know mother of six children, and so you can imagine it just kind of gets crazy sometimes. She just needs to step out of that, you know, and just out of the noise and out of the chaos, out of the fray. But when we sit down and we just get to talk and we just get to look at each other in the eyes and discuss what's going on with with our lives. And and one of the questions I consistently try to ask her, I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, men, but one of the questions I consistently try to ask her is, hey, how can I help you? How can I do better? What what what are some things that I can help you with and serve you in right now? And you know what I've learned is that, man, it just gives her an opportunity to speak into the things that I'm struggling with that I need to help her with, and I can I can get ahead of it rather than having to wait for her to nag at me about it. So, men, take initiative. Can you do that? Take initiative, let's take initiative, let's love our wives, let's study them, let's serve them, let's minister to them. And then another practical note, just besides studying them, is let's just get up and do something at home. I mean, this is this may sound like I've just put this on like a really low bottom shelf, okay? This is basic, but can I tell you how many men I talk to that when they get home from work, they're like, they go and sit and they veg and they do nothing. That that is an epidemic of our culture. I know you men are like, okay, dude, now you're starting to really mess with me. I don't like this. Why are you saying this, okay? Listen, men in the room, if we're gonna be the kind of men that God has called us to be, we've got to step up and do something. Can't go and give ourselves a free pass to sit there while our wife does everything. Okay? Step up, lead, serve, invest in our kids, uh, clean the house. What? Did you say that? Um, listen, I grew up in a house where I don't know if you guys know what Promise Keepers is, but promise keepers used to be calling men to do that. I think my mom invented Promise Keepers, okay? And men in our house, like we didn't have a choice to sit there. Like we were always taught, you know, get after it, do something, you know. But it served me well, even as I've gotten to be married, that I don't I don't give myself the the ability, not all the time, Janie could say, because there's moments I do. I go sit and I veg and I'm like, kind of have to be woken up from my stupor, right? But to get up and to serve and to do something, to help, to invest, and not to expect my wife to do everything. I know that culturally, sometimes that's not the norm. I realize that different groups of people, they see it different ways. And listen, men, we are called to serve. We are to be the lead servants in our homes. So that means we have to actually get up and do something. Now I'm gonna tee this up for you guys, okay, before we move on. I'm gonna tee this up for you. February 20th and 21st, coming up, not too long. There's a marriage weekend. So I'm gonna just throw you a softball and let you just smack this out of the park, okay? February's love month, right? It's Valentine's for my family. It's Valentine's and it's my wife's birthday. So I have to be like really doubly good here, okay? I gotta do a really good job during the month of February to love my wife well. But here's the thing on marriage, on February 20th, 21st, on a Friday night, Saturday, we're gonna host just a marriage training, teaching, weekend experience here, okay? And the the deal is that if you are married and you want to work on your marriage, and that should be all of us, then here's a great way you can do that. Friday night, come here. Uh, first off, we encourage you to go on a date, and you can scale this to whatever. If you need to go eat at uh at McDonald's, you eat at McDonald's. But men, I know you can you can do better than that. And so, uh, but go eat a dinner, come here, work on marriage stuff. We're gonna have some teaching, give you some assignments. You can go out, you can go back home and sleep at your own house, or you could actually go and like, you know, get a hotel, something like that, get away from the kids. Break away from the norm and then come back the next morning, do another session, have some discussion over lunch, and then come back for a last session on Saturday afternoon and then have one more time to go out and to work on it, do some homework. So does that make sense? Can y'all do this? We're talking about $10 to do this, plus whatever you decide you're gonna do. So you can scale this to whatever you feel like you need to do it on that. And if you if $10 is all you can afford, then just do the $10 version. Or if you want to do more, do more. But just want to give that ahead in front of you that that's coming on February 20th and 21st. I saw some elbowing going on like this. I'm assuming that's why I'm saying, like, yeah, come on. Um, so anyway. But that's what's happening, and we want to tee that up for you, men, so so don't miss that opportunity. Next verse. Kids, are you listening? Anyone under 18 in the room? Or over 18, but still living on your parents' dime? Okay? If you're over 18, you're still living in your parents' house, and you're uh and they're paying the foot in the bill, like you need to listen to this too, okay? Because you're still responsible to your parents. You're still a kid. Alright? So here we go. Verse 20. Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Parents love that verse, don't they? I know the submission piece was hard. I know the loving your wife was hard. But this one, like, how awesome is this? Children obey your parents in everything. Mm-hmm. Amen. Right? So, kids, whether you believe this or not, God has called you to obey your parents. He's called you to obey them. And he even makes the statement, the addition there of in everything, right? So, I want to give us a definition of obedience, children, kids in the room, and this will help you parents as well as you're talking to your kids about what obedience is all about. The definition that will help us. Obedience is doing what we are asked to do, right? Without delay, excuse, or challenge. Obedience is doing what we're asked to do without delay, excuse, or challenge. Can I get an amen, parents? Alright? Because how many times do we tell our kids to do something, and then we tell them again, and then we tell them again, and then we tell them again, like the fourth time, right? We finally get a response. Obedience is not waiting to the fourth time because delayed obedience is disobedience. So, kids in the room, learn to obey the first time. Hear that. Parents, let's not set our kids up to only move when we have to get out of our chair physically or whatever it is to raise our voices to get them to obey on the fourth time. We've got to teach our kids to obey the first time. We've got to practice that habit of teaching first time obedience. Parents, if you teach this when they are young, it will serve you well when they are older. Right? If you wait till they're 16 to teach first-time obedience, whoo! It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be rough, okay? Not saying it's impossible, but I'm telling you it's gonna be very hard. So teach your kids while they're young how to obey. How to obey without delay, how to obey without excuse. Man, our kids can come up with some doozies. Uh, when you say obey and do this, they're like, man, well, this is this is going on, this is going on, this is going on, right? Or I've got this reason or I've got this thing going on. My my brother did this to me, it stopped me. I couldn't obey. So without excuse, without saying, I've got these reasons why I can't obey. And then thirdly, without challenge. Without challenge, having a submissive attitude and saying, I'm not going to challenge, because your heart attitude is a part of obedience. Um, have you ever seen a kid obey and all the while they're stomping and moaning and yelling and talking, you know, like doing all these things that obviously the heart is not there even though they're doing the right thing. According to Scripture, that's not obedience. Obedience is doing it without delay, without excuse, and without challenge. Now, we could talk about this a long time, but you might be asking the question, kids, why is it so important that you obey your parents? Here's why. Because parents, our job is to teach our kids to obey us so that they will learn to obey God. And kids in the room, if you don't learn to obey your parents, you won't learn to obey God. Whoa. How did this go from just be my parents to God thing? Because here's the way it works: because parents are under authority. God is the big boss. He is our Father in heaven, he's in charge. And so, as people, uh parents included, we are under God's authority. And as parents at home, our job is to teach our kids to obey authority so that when they start to understand that God is the ultimate authority, they obey Him. It's this way: if we don't learn to obey God, we will be foolish people, and foolish people hurt themselves and they hurt others. And God wants to protect us from that. The way I described it to students in student ministry for a long time is this illustration of an umbrella. I don't have an umbrella up here with me today, but when you're under the umbrella of protection, there is safety, there is security, right? If you're walking out and it's hailing outside or it's raining and you're under the umbrella, you're protected. But when you step out from under that umbrella, you're gonna get wet, you're gonna get pelted by hailstones, right? But here's the thing it works the same way in authority. And kids in the room, if you obey your parents' authority, there is protection. In fact, the scripture says here, it not only pleases God, but this is the one instruction that we're reading today, which is actually in the Ten Commandments. It's in the Ten Commandments. In Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, it says this honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord God is giving you. What's the promise? If you obey your parents, what's the promise? You have a long life. Okay? What do you think that means? It means you have a long life. It means your life will be longer because one, you will be wiser, so you're not operating in foolishness that's going to bring destruction in your life, and God will honor you. He will bless that if you will honor your parents, if you will obey your parents. And so, kids in the room, God is pleased when you obey your parents, he also promises you your life will be longer because your parents won't kill you when you disobey. Right? That's not what it says, but you know. We want you kids to know that there is freedom that comes in coming under the authority of your parents. And I realize that that's again is not popular in our culture. Some of you've heard me say before that there was an observer that came from England to the United States not not too long ago. And when he walked around, he saw parents and he saw kids, and this is what he said. He said, Man, it's amazing in America how well parents obey their kids. And we laugh at that, but you see how parents have built it all around the kid rather than being the authority in their life to teach their kids how to obey authority, obey God. So I encourage you with that. Don't drop that ball. Kids in the room, obey your parents. Okay? Obey your parents, obey your parents. It will bless you, it will be good for you. Disobedience always brings conflict and hardship and difficulty. It's not worth it. Final verse here. Coming back to you men. It's actually men and women. It's implied, but we'll see it here, verse 21. Fathers do not exasperate your children, so they won't become discouraged. Fathers do not exasperate your children. We don't use that word very much, exasperate. Um, it's not one that's in my vocabulary. Um, but here's the thing. When I read it this week, it reminded me that in Ephesians 6, chapter, uh, chapter 6, verse 4, we get a similar verse where it says this. Fathers don't stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Now, does anybody else find it a little bit curious that he just says this specifically to fathers? Because they're not the only parent, right? I think part of it is because women by nature naturally nurture and naturally lean in at home. And so it's not as challenging in essence on some in some ways for them to think about parenting, where men can be passive and kind of say, hey, that's the wife's job. That's the, you know, that's my wife's role and responsibility, which is not true. Men, we are responsible, we are accountable, we are the ones who are supposed to step up and lead. But also, it's implied here that if the man is doing this, he will lead his wife to also do this. Okay? He will lead his wife to parent in this way. And he says, do not exasperate your children. Now, what does it mean to exasperate? Well, to give your children commands without love. To give your kids constant rules without pursuing their hearts. And I want to be honest, as a man, it is much easier for me to just say, stop that, don't do that, stop that, you know, be quiet, sit down, don't touch your brother, you know, all those things. It's easy to just kind of sling those things out there without pursuing their hearts. And when we do that, when we just beat them down with command after command, instruction after instruction, men, and by the way, men, we have a way of showing up on the scene and like physically intimidating kids into obedience because we can use that physical, like, hey, everybody, sit down, be quiet, shut. And they're like, whoa, dad's mad, you know. But here's the thing: if we don't pursue our kids' hearts, we will exasperate them and we will lead them to the point that they lose heart. And I see so many people in the world who wish they had their dad's love, who wish they had their dad's affection, who wish that they had a dad who spoke life into them, not just criticism into them. And I want you to know, men, just the same way that your power of your tongue has the capacity to tear down, you also have the capacity to build up your kids. You have the capacity to speak life and love into them. I see this over and over and over at my house. I see how when I speak to my kids and I tell them they are beautiful and that they are loved and that I choose them, that it just they bloom. They they they they come to life because they are listening to what I am saying to them as their dad. And it means something, it's powerful. And so I remind you, men in the room, engage in parenting, but don't just engage in correcting your kids and disciplining them or in uh just giving them instruction and commands, but actually engage in pursuing your kids. Let's get practical here. One of the things that I love to do is just take my kids on daddy-daughter dates or daddy-son hangouts. We don't do dates, okay? Just spending time with my kids, getting to know them. And I want you to know that, again, I'm I am far from perfect as a dad. And the question that I ask Jada when we go on date nights, I typically ask my kids, I'm like, hey, how's dad doing? What can I get better at? Their answers are pretty funny. You know, you could buy more ice cream. That's a good thing. You could let me stay up later, you know. I don't always take all their hints, you know, and but I here's the thing it I'm building a relationship, building rapport with them so that when I speak into their life, they know that I care about them, that I love them. And at night when they go to bed to speak over them, that of all the little kids in the world, that I could choose to be my children, I choose them, and that the greatest thing they could do with their life is love God and love people and to pray blessings on them. Again, I'm not a perfect dad, far from it. But I know that in those moments they're hearing me, they speak to me. They're hearing me speak to them, and it's it's it's speaking life into them. So, as we think about those four things, if you're like me, those seem pretty direct. Okay, women, be submissive to your husband, right? Uh men, love your wife. Don't be bitter towards her and angry and harsh, okay? Uh, kids, obey your parents without delay, without challenge, without excuse. All right. Dads, moms, don't exasperate your children and don't cause them to lose heart. Instruction, instruction, instruction, instruction. Here's the thing. I didn't put those verses in their context when we started. But let me back up and put these into context because if you've ever as a parent, you're tempted fairly often to do this. Your kid, they're doing something wrong, and you say stop that, and they say what? Why? Or you say don't do this, and they say, why? And it's very tempting as a parent to just simply say something like this, because I said so. Because I'm the parent, I'm in charge, and you just need to obey, right? Now, that may be appropriate in a few circumstances, but the majority of the circumstances, that's lazy parenting. Because what we're saying in that moment is I don't really owe you any kind of explanation. I don't really want to help your heart. I just want you to behave. I just want you to do what I want you to do. Okay? And there are appropriate times for that. But if we're coaching our kids, we get to the heart level. And God, as our heavenly Father, He wants to get to the heart level with us. He doesn't want to just say, do this because I said so. Even though if anybody has the right to do that, it would be God, right? Because He's perfect, He knows exactly how this thing works, He doesn't owe us anything. But He gives us instruction and He tells us the why. And what He has said to us is that you and I were not created for ourselves. We were created for Him. From the very beginning, when God created human beings, He did not create us to put ourselves at the center of life. He created us to put Him at the center of life. And that when we get Him, we get everything we want, everything that we need, everything that we that this world requires is found in God. And so He wants us to bring Him maximum glory by finding ultimate satisfaction in Him, putting our trust in Him. Are you tracking? That's what the family is all about. Family is not about just having more kids, uh having a cute little place to live, uh, getting cars, going on vacations, uh going into retirement, and then living to grow old together. Okay, so you sit on the back porch and a rocking chair and say, man, life's been good. That's not the goal of life. That's not the goal of family. God has a bigger purpose, a transcendent cause, man. And he wants us to live for his glory, to make him known in all the earth. That started in Genesis, it continues today, and we men are called to lead in that and to live for that purpose of a bigger picture than just our own fleeting glory, but for the glory of the one who made us, who created us, who loves us. Are you with me? That's what God did. He that's the why. But then maybe the next question we have to ask is how? How do we actually live for his glory? How do, women, how do you actually submit to your husband? Because that feels completely opposite of what you want to do. Men, how do you actually love your wife, like selflessly sacrifice and serve her? That feels like the opposite of what you want to do. You want her to do that for you, right? Well, it all goes back to what the passage says in just a few verses ahead of the text we started to read today. Because the truth of the matter is that doing these things is not a DIY project. Anybody DIY people? Even know what I'm saying when I say DIY? Okay? Yesterday, my kids and I we did a DIY project at our house because we have six kids, shoes are out of control at the front door, so I built this little thing for our family to try to put our kids to organize our shoes. And um, what should have taken you know most professionals two hours took me nine, and we're still not done. But that's a whole nother discussion. Um but here's the thing this is not a do-it-yourself project. Being the family God has called you to be is not you working harder just to be the family God's called you to be on your own. It's not a do-it-yourself thing. It's a HSE thing. You know what I'm talking about? H-S-E? A Holy Spirit-empowered thing. That we need this power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We need that, we need God. We have to have God. Or we can't love our wives, we can't submit to our husbands, we can't obey our parents, we can't lead our kids without making them lose heart. We need God. Verse 5 in Colossians chapter 3 says it this way. Therefore, put to death what belongs to your worldly nature sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desire, greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, God's wrath comes on the disobedient. Those are all sinful things that are in our hearts. And if left on our own, we would just pursue those things and they would destroy us because God's wrath would ultimately say, You aren't following me, you aren't following my ways, you haven't put your trust in me. I'm going to have to discipline that. I'm going to have to actually, his says his wrath comes on the disobedient. And you once walked in these things when you were living in them, but now you must also put away all the following anger, wrath, malice, slander, filthy language, all those things that tear down our homes. So much that comes out of our mouths that we we can't take back. And he goes on in verse 9, and he says, Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old self with its practices, and have put on the new self. This is the key. Taking off the old self, all the stuff that says, I don't want to do any things we just talked about this morning, and putting on the new self. What's the new self? The new self is the new person that God is making you into because of what Jesus did in your place, what Jesus did in my place. In fact, he says it this way: you're being renewed in the knowledge according to the image of your creator. I'm not standing up here this morning giving you a list of rules and saying, All right, go do it, everybody. Because I know if you're like me, you're gonna walk out the door, you're gonna try to submit to your husband, and you're gonna make it about 10 minutes. Uh husbands, you're gonna try to love your wives and you're gonna make it 30 seconds. And then, you know, kids are gonna try to obey their parents, and the first command's gonna come out of their mouth, you're gonna go, uh-uh, nope, can't do it. Not gonna do that. But here's the hope. Jesus is our hope. He is our strength, he is our ability. The Holy Spirit is God inside of us working, and he will change our desires, he will change our strength and capacity to actually obey what God has said. There's hope this morning. And so here's the invitation. If you're a believer, if you're if you're a Christ follower, you've put your trust in Christ, then the invitation is to ask God to help you actually live what He has told us to live. If you have if you are a Christ's follower, if you're a believer, he's inviting you to experience the marriage that he has for you to experience. He's inviting you to experience parenting the way that he's designed it to be. He's inviting you, kids, to experience what it's like to be a kid who obeys and who's honoring to his parents rather than disrespectful and rude and rebellious. He's inviting you to experience that with his power, his strength. Because his ways are best. But if you're not a believer this morning, if you're not a Christ follower, if you're not, if you don't know Jesus, if you're just exploring faith, the invitation is not to behave. The invitation is not to just fix your marriage. You can you can do that, you can work on it. The invitation is to put your trust in Jesus, and then he will tra begin to change your marriage. The invitation is to is to put your hope in him because you can never perform to get his forgiveness. He's already given that to you as a gift. You have to receive it. He's offered that to you.