EP5 - The Class You Didn’t Know You were Taking

In this episode, Jason explores the feeling of being dropped into a class you never signed up for; where something important is happening and you didn’t realize you were expected to know it. He discusses how fear and overwhelm during business transitions often come from delayed awareness, not a lack of effort, and reframes what readiness really means in the context of succession planning and ESOP transitions.

Transcript

[0:12] Welcome back everyone to the journey to an ESOP and Beyond podcast where we seek to make all things related to Employee Stock ownership plans both accessible and understandable, I'm your host Jason Miller and I'm very excited to have you as part of this fifth Friday this Bonus Week for Content as it were and I wanted to share with you uh something that happened to me earlier this week that that just kind of stuck with me, and you can probably relate to a good bit of it if I if I had to guess. So I I had a dream this weekand it's 1 of those types that. Remains with you after waking uh in a way that a lot of dreams don't I'm a very Vivid dreamer dream all the timeum sometimes I daydream uh but in this particular 1 definitely 1 of those in the middle of the night uh you you unique experiences that that just just stays with you after waking.

[1:21] So in the dreamI realized pretty suddenly that I was somehow enrolled in college classes that I didn't know that I was supposed to be taking, kind of classmate casually mentioned that a term paper was coming due or 3 days away and how was I doing on on the work. And I remember the moment very clearly because my third my first thought wasn't panicit was it was confusion.

[1:55] And so I remember thinking I can't I can't be right, I'm not the 1 who supposed to be in college like my oldest is is in college I am not in college but I I really don't remember even signing up for this class I haven't been attending any of the lectures I don't even know what the subject is.

[2:15] And it didn't stop there the realization kept spreading beyond that and there wasn't just 1 class there were others classes I hadn't shown up to. Weeks or maybe even months of time had passed assignments had already been given expectations had already been set and I was sure of 1 Thing, that there was no way to make up all the work in timebecause I didn't even know the material. And that's when the fear hit me. Not a fear of failing a paper not not the fear of getting a bad grade the the fear of realizing that something really important had been happening without me, and that I was already behind in a way that I couldn't fix through my effort.

[3:11] And what made the dream so unsettling wasn't even the deadline but it was the orientationI didn't know what class I was in I didn't know who was teaching it or even how I was going to be evaluated. The clock wasn't just tickingit had been ticking for a while. And the worst part was this the the fear felt real real enough to wake me up in the middle of the night. And that'sthat's kind of strange thing about dreams. We can intellectualize fear when we're awake we can talk to ourselves through any type of hypotheticaland we can say you know that that would be stressful, or if that would be really hardbut dreams don't ask for your analysis they they make you feel the consequence first. So when I woke up there was relief of course that it wasn't real God forbid I go back to college at at my ageum I wasn't actually failing classes and there was no paper due in 3 days, but feeling still lingered because the fear itself had been real while it was happening.

[4:36] That feeling is worth paying attention tothat fear.

[4:44] Didn't come from laziness it didn't come from irresponsibility and it didn't come from not caringit came from delayed awareness, from realizing that responsibility existed before I noticed it. And that's the part that I want to talk about today and you're thinking Jason it's about time you get to talking about esops and Transitions and all the things that you know we're accustomed to hearing about from you, what I want to say is that most of us don't struggle with hard workwe sometimes struggle with orientation. With knowing what we're actually responsible forkind of when it started and how will know whether we're doing it well. My dream didn't feel like failingit felt like discovering the class late. And that distinction matters. When people talk about big transitions whether that's in business leadership, ownership succession or or lifethey often describe those transitions as as being heavy. Overwhelmingstressful complex.

[6:09] I don't think that the weight comes from the mechanics of change as much as it comes from the moment responsibility becomes visible.

[6:24] Responsibility doesn't usually arrive with a loud announcement it doesn't tap you on the shoulder and say hey just just so you know this this matters. More often it accumulates pretty quietlydecisions compound assumptions Harden time passes. And then 1 day someone asks a questionoh or a document shows up. Or a conversation shifts toneor a test result comes in. And suddenly you realize this has been happening for a whileand that's when people feel behind. Not because they didn't carenot because they avoided the workbut because they didn't realize which class they were in.

[7:21] In the dream my Panic wasn't about effortit was about context. I didn't know what I was supposed to know I I didn't know what mattered the most I didn't didn't know how the system workedand without that orientation 3 days might as well have been 3 minutes.

[7:44] That's a familiar feeling for a lot of capable responsible people. We tend to assume stress comes from workload from volume from having too much to do. But a lot of stress actually comes from unclear expectationsfrom not knowing what's being graded. When expectations are clear you've heard me talk about this beforepeople can work incredibly hard without feeling overwhelmed. Whenthose expectations aren't so clear even small tasks feel heavy.

[8:29] In my dream there were a few questions that kept looping in my mind s simple questions obvious questionsbut they arrived too late, what class is thiswho's even teaching itwhat what am I being evaluated on when did it start. What what happens if I don't engage now and under that not just what happens now but think about think about this call college classes all this responsibility that'swhat happens to my future, if I don't engage nowthose are innocent questionsbut necessary questions. They become terrifying when you ask them after time has already passedand that's where a lot of anxiety comes from in real life too, not from the answers but from realizing you should have asked sooner.

[9:36] They don't wake up 1 day and decide to ignore responsibilitymore often they assume things are fine because nothing's gone wrong yet. The trust momentum. The trust past successes they even trust people that they're comfortable withthey trust that if something were truly urgentsomeone would say so someone would point it out right, until they realize the class doesn't wait for awareness. Readinessin general in our context on again an ESOP podcast uh in relation to a transition. Of your your business to your employees or to anyone else really Readiness is not knowing everythingit's not having perfect information. It's not having attended every lecture from day 1. It's not feeling calm or confident all the timeand it's definitely not having already written the term paper or passed the test.

[11:00] Readiness isn't masterybut Readiness is awareness. Readiness is realizing the class exists while there's still time to learn.

[11:22] And I'm thankful that you as a listener are utilizing the content that we are putting outas a class of sorts, while there's still time for you to learn what's right for you and for your company and for your family and for your employees. So this is a great step that you're taking directionallyto increase your awareness without requiring mastery. And that difference between awareness and Mastery that's the difference between panic and preparation, Panic is realizing responsibility to latepreparation is realizing it early enough to orient yourself.

[12:11] So in my dreamthere was no preparation available the the timeline had collapsed the the context was missing and, my effort alone couldn't solve that and that that's why it felt so hopeless.

[12:30] But in real life we usually have a little bit more time than we think if we're willing to look um you can spend a lot of time uh looking for ways to uh, to take time audits uh or, other practical ways of time blocking we talk about time all the time I've said it like 12 times in the same sentence and different contexts and different uses uh but. We do have more time than we thinkif we're willing to lookthe hard part here isn't the work, the hard part is naming what matters before consequences force the issue whatever that issue is whatever that consequence could be, can I use that phrase naming what matters deliberatelyI didn't sayfiguring out your value, I I didn't say figure out how you're going to spend the the the rest of your life uh you know walking around pickleball tournaments or what whatever it is that you're into unless that's the thing that matters for you.

[13:46] The more time that you can devotetonaming those. That's going to go a long waywhensomething arrives.

[14:03] That document that test result that list that I had mentioned earlier. Most transitions don't fail because people can't do the work, the the struggle because people don't realize which work actually counts until the stakes already feel high, and that's when the questions show up all at once and by then by then they they feel heavy.

[14:34] What am I responsible for reallywho who depends on me understanding this, what decisions have I been making by default, what assumptions have I been allowing to carry more weight than I realizedwhat happens if I keep not engaging. Those questions aren't a sign of failure they're a sign of awareness arriving. The danger isn't even an asking them the danger is just waiting until the clock feels really loud tick tock tick tock3 days left until the term paper is due. 1 of The Quiet lies that we tell ourselves is that stress means that something's wrong. Something feels heavy then we've already failed but, in reality often stress is just the body's way of saying this this matters more than you thought.

[15:41] It's not always an alarm but it is a signal.

[15:48] In the dream I didn't wake up because I failed I woke up because the fear got my attention and when I opened my eyes the relief wasn't just in that it wasn't real uh it was realizing that I I still had agencyyou seeas you're well aware dreams compress consequence.

[16:14] Happens in an instant in your mind and it is so real in that moment, and you don't always know what the context is for what's occurring to you in the dream you just get to experience it and feel it all in seconds.

[16:35] But life usually gives us spaceif we're willing to use it. And that's the good news in all of this. You don't have to wait for panic to orient yourself and you don't have to wait for a deadline you didn't know existed you don't you don't have to wait until the questions feel scary.

[17:01] Preparation isn't about certaintyit's about curiosityit's about asking these simple questions earlywhile they still feel light and not heavy.

[17:17] Like what class am I in right nowwhat what actually matters here. How will I even know if I'm doing this well. And thenwho else is affected by my understandingor my lack of it.

[17:41] Those questions shouldn't create pressurethey should relieve it. Because once you know the syllabus of the class that you're putting together the work becomes manageablenot easybut clear. And Clarity changes everything, the worst outcome isn't failing a test it's again discovering too late that you were being evaluated at allall the best outcome is realizing while you're still awake that the class exists. And you choose to prepare with intention instead of fear and outcome.

[18:34] And me and my dream was unsettling uh for all the reasons that I stated No 1 likes being woken up from a dead sleep terrified that their entire future is riding on something that they didn't even know needed to happen in a couple of days but I'm grateful for it and not just because I get to share it on this podcast, but because it reminded me that feeling behind doesn't mean that you are. It just often means that you're finally orientedorientation is the beginning of agency. Not the end of itso thank you for hanging with me during this Bonus Week of content where I get to share uh uh 1 of my dreams but not not a dream of my future uh just something that as I thought about it, that you could relate to.

[19:38] I'm looking forward to next week when we will be releasing the second of our foundations of transition in our 12-part series throughout this year already into February hard hard to believeuh but we're glad that you're here for the ride. I would ask that you share this little snippet with a friend uh that you invite someone to listen along with you in our season 7 of Journey to an ESOP and Beyondand if you want to interact with us reach out to us at journey to an esop.com, and I will see you here next week to go over the second of our foundations of transition thank you.