Slaying Your INSECURITY Demons & Dragons

This episode of the UNCOMMODiFiED Podcast doesn't tiptoe around the truth—it shoves it in your face. Most leaders don't want to admit they're battling insecurity, but that silence wreaks havoc. It poisons careers, wrecks teams, and torches organizational trust and productivity—and it all starts with you.

Discover how insecurity paralyzes decision-making, fuels micromanagement, and turns leadership into a blame-shifting circus. Tim Windsor rips apart the toxic lies leaders tell themselves about control and exposes why the fear of others' relationships with "our people" is the ultimate leadership self-sabotage.

Discover why celebrating strong connections, regardless of their origin, fosters resilience and innovation. This episode is packed with actionable strategies to slay insecurity. It's a journey that will compel you to confront your leadership shortcomings and emerge as a stronger, more confident, and unshakeable leader.

If you're ready to stop gatekeeping and start leading with clarity, confidence, and collaboration, this episode is your battle cry. Brandish your sword. Slay the insecurity beast. Your team—and your legacy—depends on it.

Listen now. Face the truth and lead secure and UNCOMMODiFiED.

Tim Windsor
the UNCOMMODiFiED Podcast – Host & Guide
tim@uncommodified.com
https://uncommodified.com/
 
PRODUCERS: Kris MacQueen & Alyne Gagne
MUSIC BY: https://themacqueens.com

Transcript

PLEASE NOTE: UNCOMMODiFiED Podcast episode transcriptions are raw text files and have not been proofed or edited. They are what they are … Happy Reading.

© UNCOMMODiFiED & TIM WINDSOR

[00:00:00] Hey, my friends is Tim Windsor. Welcome back to the uncommodified podcast today. I want to rip the bandaid off a bit of a leadership sore that I see every once in a while. I want to rip the bandaid off a sore that I see that is affecting leaders. It's a struggle that you might have or someone, you know, might have in leadership.

It's a struggle with in security. It's a dirty little secret that poisons careers. It wrecks teams And it sabotages organizations from the inside and out. And I'm not going to sugar coat this. Let me tell you to you this way. If you're leading from a place of insecurity, you're not leading, you're shaking in your boots and you're trying to fake it until you make it.

And your people know it. Insecurity is like poison in a leader's veins. You know what I'm talking about? Think about it. The moments when you hesitate before making a decision, not because you're waiting for the right data, although you tell people that, [00:01:00] but because you're paralyzed by fear and insecurity.

Fear that you'll make the wrong call, or that someone will see through you. Fear that you're just not good enough. Fear that people don't like you or won't like you. Well, here's a newsflash for you. That fear is eating you alive and it's not just you. It's devouring. It's devouring your team, your culture, and your whole organization.

Insecurity isn't just a personal problem, it's a leadership epidemic in my opinion. A 2020 report from Gallup found that 75 percent of workers, 75 percent of workers cite poor leadership as the number one reason for their dissatisfaction in their job. And what do you think's behind that? Do you think it's just bad management?

Well, sure. That's a part of it. But in my experience as a leadership consultant and coach for 30 years, let me tell you, I think it's not just about bad leaders and bad management. It's actually an underlying [00:02:00] problem of insecure leaders who are driving their people away. Either because they're too scared to give them credit where it's due, too cowardly to confront problems, or too damn self absorbed to let their team shine because they're too scared and insecure.

And that's making them a poor, and some days, a pathetic leader and example. And this insecurity doesn't just create employee dissatisfaction. It runs much deeper than that. A 2020. 2002 Harvard Business Review study revealed that insecure leaders are directly linked to a 21 percent drop in organizational productivity.

Now why would that be? Here's my belief. Because insecurity paralyzes you and your people. It forces leaders into a corner, afraid to take risks, terrified of failure, and obsessed with controlling every little thing around them. And that fear driven leadership style is a productivity killer. It [00:03:00] strangles innovation.

It kills your ability to adapt and evolve as an organization and as a person. Now, I want to talk about one particularly nasty little insecurity that a lot of leaders, in my opinion, don't want to admit they have, but they do. It's insecurity and fear around the relationships that other people have or gain with, quote, your, air quotes, your people.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's that irrational jealousy. That you see creep in in others or yourself when someone else connects with your people in a way that you don't. Maybe it's another department head. Maybe it's a senior executive. Maybe it's an outside consultant or partner or someone else on your team.

You start feeling like you're being outshined or even more impressively wicked. You feel undermined somehow by those relationships. Instead of celebrating those connections, You resent them, but here's the hard [00:04:00] truth and it's gonna hurt a little bit It might even hurt a little hurt like hell to admit it if you're afraid of those relationships that your people have with others that's not just a leadership problem, that's a you in the inside problem.

Think about it. Why the hell would you be so insecure about someone else having a great relationship with someone on your team? Someone who reports to you. If anything, you should be celebrating it. And here's why. Because strong relationships, whether they come from you or wherever they come from, build strong teams.

But you're too busy. .... Making it all about your ego sometimes. Worrying that someone else might have more influence than you. That your people might like someone more than they like you. And right there, that's the root of the problem. Here's the brutal truth. You're not the center of your team's universe.

And you are not. Shouldn't be. If you're doing your job as a leader, your [00:05:00] people should feel empowered to build strong connections across the board, inside and outside your organization. That's how high performing teams work. The problem isn't that someone else is connecting with your people. The problem is, is that you're so damn insecure, you think it threatens your personage and your position.

And if you're leading from that place, your people can smell it. They see you get weird, a little bit weird, when they talk about how much they admire someone else. They see how you act shady when someone forms a bond with other leaders or influencers. And what does that do at the end of the day? It erodes trust.

You start making it about control, and control is the fastest way to lose respect as a leader. Leadership isn't about control, in my opinion. It's about connection. And when you're afraid of the relationships and connections other people have with your team, you're basically broadcasting to everyone [00:06:00] you're not secure enough, not comfortable enough, in your own skin.

Now, here's what I believe. You should want, as a leader, you should want strong connections for everyone, everywhere on your team. Because here's what happens when you allow and even encourage your team to build strong relationships with others. Your team becomes stronger. Your team becomes more dynamic and more innovative.

They get exposed to new perspective, fresh ideas, and different styles of leadership. And that makes them, and by extension, makes you better. When they can bring back those insights and apply them to your team, everyone wins. Strong relationships across the organization create a safety net. If something goes wrong, if you're unavailable, If they need support you can't give, they can get it from someone else.

They can turn to someone else, [00:07:00] and that's not a threat to your leadership. That is a strategic advantage. You should be encouraging these connections, not fearing them. Now, let me give you some practical ideas or advice on how to slay this particular insecurity. It starts here. It starts with admitting the truth to yourself.

So, let's call it for what it is. This kind of fear, this kind of insecurity, comes from your own insecurity about being replaceable. About not being the favorite child or parent. So, how do you address it? Let me give you some practical ideas. Number one, own that feeling. Own the insecurity. First, you've got to admit you have this issue.

Stop pretending that it's not there. Every time you feel that little twinge of jealousy or fear about someone else connecting with your team, name it. Don't let it fester. Recognize it for what it is, an insecurity about your own leadership [00:08:00] and then work on it. Ask yourself, why do I feel so threatened by this relationship that my team member has with somebody else?

Is it because I feel like I'm not doing enough to build that relationship myself? Is it because that I'm doubting my own value? Whatever the reason, feel it and face it head on. Number two, be a bridge. Instead of trying to limit those relationships, be the one who facilitates them. When you see two people connecting, celebrate it, encourage it.

Hell, even introduce your team to people who can broaden their horizons and provide them with different perspectives or experiences than you can. Stop acting like you're running some kind of personality cult and start realizing that more connections mean more growth for them and for you. Number three, focus on your unique value and your unique contribution.

Here's the thing. You don't have to be the best at everything. You don't have [00:09:00] to be everyone's favorite or even everyone's best friend. What you need to do is focus on what you uniquely bring to the table and that you can contribute as a leader to them. Maybe you're the one who sees the big picture better than everyone else.

Maybe you're the one who helps your team push past their comfort zone. Whatever it is, Lean into it. Own your strengths, and you won't feel as threatened by the strengths of others. And fourthly, create a culture of collaboration, not competition. Create a culture of collaboration, not competition. Insecure leaders create environments where people feel like they have to compete for attention and approval and time.

Secure leaders create cultures of collaboration where people feel free to form relationships and share knowledge without worrying about stepping on anyone else's toes. without stepping on your toes or on your ego. If you want to build an unstoppable team, you need to foster an environment where relationships are all about [00:10:00] lifting everyone up, not about who has more influence or about who gets more time and attention from the people.

So if you're afraid of your people building relationships with others, you're acting More like a gatekeeper than a leader, and no one wants to follow a gatekeeper. Your job is to empower your team to connect, grow and thrive in every relationship they build. The more connections they make, the more resilient and dynamic they become, and the more you win at the end of the day.

as a leader. So stop acting like someone else's relationship with your people, your team is a threat. It's not a threat. In fact, it is an asset. And the sooner you recognize that, the sooner you'll stop sabotaging yourself and sabotaging your people. So here's where I want to take the conversation right now with you.

Here's a question for you to consider. What does your insecurity really create and cost you and others? Here's my thoughts. [00:11:00] When you lead from a place of fear, of doubt, and insecurity, it's not just your confidence that suffers. It's everything and everyone that suffers. Your insecurity drives decision paralysis.

Have you ever worked for a boss who could never make up their mind? That's insecurity. Taking hold. Insecure leaders are more afraid of making the wrong decision than they are excited about making the right one. So they wait, and they wait, and they wait. And guess what? Every minute of indecision costs you something.

Studies show that indecision at the top trickles down to lost productivity and missed opportunities, your team's morale craters, projects stall, and profits eventually dive bomb. Your insecurity creates micromanagement mayhem around you. Insecure leaders cannot trust their teams because deep down, they don't trust themselves.

So they hover, they nitpick, they micromanage [00:12:00] every single move. According to a study by LinkedIn, employees under micromanagers are 63 percent more likely to quit. Let that sink in for a second. 63%! more likely to bail because you can't give up control because of your insecurity. And the ones that stick around, frankly, I think they're disengaged, unmotivated, and they're just waiting for their next opportunity to jump ship as well.

Your insecurity also enables and empowers blame shifting. When things go wrong, insecure leaders, people are the first to point fingers. They can't afford to take responsibility because their fragile Ego cannot handle the heat. A study by Deloitte found that organizations with low trust cultures have a 280 percent higher turnover rate.

And that's not just a bad day at the office. That's a catastrophic problem and a catastrophic failure in leadership. Blame shifting wrecks [00:13:00] trust and without trust. You have nothing. And your insecurity also energizes team dysfunction. Insecurity isn't just your personal problem, it spreads like wildfire.

If your team senses you're insecure, guess what? They start to feel insecure, too. They start second guessing themselves, and suddenly, no one's taking risks, no one's pushing boundaries, and innovation dries up. A lack of confidence at the top creates a culture of fear, and fear is a creativity killer. 

According to a recent study, organizations with secure, confident leadership are 60 percent more likely to foster innovation. Just think about that for a second. The difference between a stagnant dying company and one that's pushing the envelope comes down to whether or not you're too scared as a leader to let your people do their jobs.

So here's some practical ideas for you. Here's how you can slay Your insecurity, demons and dragons. If you [00:14:00] want to lead, if you want to really lead, then it's time to slay these beasts. You've got to slay the insecurity beast. Stop pretending that you've got it all together and start doing the work to become secure in who you are as a person and leader.

So here's some practical suggestions, as I said, and I believe if you use them to help you slay those insecurity, demons and dragons, number one, the number one weapon you have is get real about vulnerability. You want to be a leader? You want to be a secure leader? Then stop acting like you've got all the answers.

You don't. And that's okay. That's okay. Brene Brown's research on vulnerability shows us that leaders who embrace their imperfections create environments of trust and collaboration. Being vulnerable isn't about airing your dirty laundry. That's not what this is about. It's about being honest with yourself and others.

The next time you're in a meeting and you don't have the answer, say, Hey, Own it. Just own it. I don't know. I'll, um, I'll have to find out and watch how your team's respect for you [00:15:00] skyrockets when you see you're not pretending to be the perfect one. Number two, the second weapon is train your emotional intelligence.

You think your leadership skills are all that matters? Think again. Emotional intelligence, EQ as it's called, is a game changer. Leaders with high EQ are 33 percent more effective at managing teams and 34 percent better at making decisions. Now, why would that be? Here's my thought, because they're not ruled by their insecurity and negative emotions.

They know how to process criticism without spiraling into self doubt. They know how to confront issues without lashing out. Do you want to be more secure? Start working on your emotional intelligence. Take a hard look at how you react to stress, failure, and feedback. Don't just feel your emotions.

Understand them and make them work for you. And for others, not against you. The third weapon you have to slay this insecurity demon and dragon in your life is encouraged [00:16:00] for yourself, relentless feedback. Insecure leaders avoid feedback like the plague, but if you're serious about killing insecurity, you've got to seek it out.

You've got to seek feedback. You need people to tell you when you're screwing up. You need people to tell you when you're making a bad call. You need people to tell you when you're missing the mark. Create a culture where feedback flows in all directions, not just from the top down. And when you get feedback, take it.

Don't get defensive. Don't make excuses. Just take it. That's where the growth can begin to happen. The fourth weapon you have in this warfare is to surround yourself with people who challenge you, not just people who cheerlead you. You need challengers, not cheerleaders. You don't need people blowing smoke up your ass.

You need people who aren't afraid to call you out. Insecure leaders want to surround themselves with people who want to make them feel better and feel safer. But safety is the enemy [00:17:00] of growth and change. Surround yourself with strong, opinionated people who challenge your ideas and push you to be better.

There's an old proverb that says, As iron sharpens iron, so one man or woman sharpens another. And if you're not being challenged, You're not getting stronger and sharper and the last weapon that you want to pick up in this warfare against insecurity is you want to pick up a weapon that allows you to shift your focus from perfection to excellence and evolution.

Insecure leaders chase perfection because they think their value is tied to flawless performance and that my friends at the end of the day is a losing game and a losing bet. There is no. Such thing is perfect. Instead, focus on being the kind of leader who's always learning, always improving, always pushing to be better than yesterday.

When you shift your focus to excellence and evolution, you stop worrying about proving yourself, and start focusing on [00:18:00] what really matters. Growing, learning, leading your people, and driving results. Insecurity will cost you everything at the end of the day if you don't kill it. It'll cost you your credibility, it'll cost you your team's respect, your organization's productivity, and eventually your place at the table.

Insecure leaders are more focused on protecting themselves and promoting and provoking their people towards excellence. And that's a one way ticket. You want to lead? Then you better start dealing with your insecurities, because trust me, your team already sees them. Insecurity is like blood in the water, and your people can smell it.

They see you dodging decisions, micromanaging their work, shifting blame, and they're losing faith in you every single day. But here's the great news. Here's the hope. You can turn it around. You can do something about it. You can become the kind of leader who isn't ruled [00:19:00] by your insecurity, fear, or doubt, but rather a leader led by healthy self confidence, clarity, and strength.

And when you do, your team will follow you through anything to anywhere. That's the power of leading from a place of personal and professional security, balanced with healthy vulnerability. My friends, until next time, live and lead uncommodified, brandish your sword, and slay your insecurity demons and dragons.

Cheers. Have an excellent day.