150: What To Do When Feeling Imposter Syndrome as an Online Coach

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, despite being a talented and capable online coach? You've probably been told to just push through it, but let's face it, that advice doesn't make the imposter syndrome disappear. In fact, it leaves you feeling even more frustrated and overwhelmed! If you're tired of battling imposter syndrome and not getting the results you want, you're not alone. Today I'm breaking down what I've found to be a better way to overcome imposter syndrome and thrive in your business with confidence!

You'll hear about:
- Embracing your expertise and overcoming imposter syndrome as an entrepreneur
- Finding confidence in marketing yourself with authenticity
- Conquering the fear of failure and success to unlock your full potential in business.
- Cultivating confidence as a heart-centered entrepreneur
...and more!

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Transcript

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Welcome to let's get visible entrepreneurs. This is the podcast where we bring you the secrets behind what it actually takes to get seen, get known, and get more clients. I'm your host, Christine Ammerman, and I'm sharing my best strategies from over two decades of experience as a media marketing and messaging expert to help you expand your exposure, grow your personal brand, attract dream clients, and more, all while staying true to your authentic, self unique vision. If you're a passionate, heart centered entrepreneur, thought leader, or expert looking to stand out from the crowd with confidence, you're in the right place. Are you ready? Let's get visible. Today we're going to talk about something that I have found to be nearly universal in my own life and my friends and colleagues lives and in the lives and the minds of the people that I coach. And that's imposter syndrome. There are studies out there that say way more of us deal with this than don't. And I know that those of us who are particularly purpose driven, passionate, impact driven, heart centered deal with this a lot more than people who might, I don't know, be, be narcissists or be people who just don't struggle with that self doubt. Not saying that those people are narcissists, but I think that it's often correlated with just how capable we are. The more capable and the more talented and the more gifted that we are as coaches, the more we might struggle with imposter syndrome. Kind of like an upper limit as they talk about in the big leap, or kind of like a form of fear of failure and fear of success that shows up to keep us what I call catch 22 ing ourselves, where on either side we doubt ourselves and we stop ourselves. And so I see this especially coming up when it comes to marketing ourselves, as you probably heard me say, if you've been listening for a minute, that it's not the best coach who wins in business, it's the best marketer. And so we know that we need to market ourselves to make more income and make more impact. But it's especially scary to put ourselves out there, and it creates a whole lot of fear. Fear, a whole lot of anxiety, a whole lot of angst, a whole lot of stopping ourselves. And from what I have researched and learned, the reason is this. It's a primal fear. It is a primal fear that once kept us alive. Like we hear a lot of the time about our nervous system and regulation and fight or flight and all of these things, imposter syndrome can put us into freeze, often where we just can't make a move where you can't show up. We can't show up to be visible because back in the day, if we did something different than the small group of humans that we were reliant on for survival, if we did something different, that could literally get us kicked out of that group. And to be alone back then was essentially a recipe for certain death. And so today, we still carry that in our nervous system. And to do something different, for example, if all of your friends have regular jobs and you're working on your visibility in your business and growing your business, that's quite different than what the people around you are doing. That's quite different. And it can really, really be dysregulating and terrifying. And if you're listening, you're probably one of those people who's really, really good at sharing the things that you're excited about, at sharing what your friends are up to, at sharing what your family's up to, that's really exciting and cool, at sharing the latest book that you read or listened to, at sharing maybe your favorite podcast and sending these episodes around. But then when it comes to putting ourselves out there, it's like we forget everything that we know about naturally promoting other people, and we stop ourselves, get in our heads and get overwhelmed. We overwhelm ourselves with all of the options, and therefore we do nothing. And listen, I want to let you know that if you resonate with this, you are not alone. I deal with this. And the people that I know well enough to have these conversations, who are also in this same space, they deal with it, too. And so I really, really want to normalize this because often we think, I just need to get rid of this imposter syndrome, and then I will be able to do it but do the things that I want. But what if you can have some kind of this imposter syndrome and move forward anyway? Right? There's that book, feel the fear and do it anyway. What if you can have imposter syndrome and do it anyway? Because imposter syndrome, again, affects more people than it doesn't, especially in this space, in this industry. And I want you to know that you can move forward anyway. You can move forward anyway. For example, we might be afraid of putting ourselves out there because we're afraid of having our first or next hater. These are rites of passage. Or having someone criticize the way that we show up or the fact that we show up or what we say. And again, knowing that these feelings are normal, knowing that they once kept us alive and going, I can still show up little by little, incrementally in a way that feels safe for me. It's okay. And they're probably going to show up again, these feelings whenever we have a new experience. Like I said, a new rite of passage when we go to a new level of visibility. I'm going to give you some examples of that in a little bit. Here are some of the ways that imposter syndrome shows up. When you put something out and you're thinking, is this going to come across right? Are people going to understand what I'm trying to say or are they going to misunderstand me? What are people going to think when I put it out there? By the way, this usually means somebody whose opinion that you don't actually care about, if you get down to it, and or somebody who doesn't understand somebody you wouldn't trade places with somebody who maybe is pretty judgmental and you're scared that they're going to judge you. So running what will people think through the filter of do the, who are the people that I actually care about what they think? And would I trade places with them? That can sometimes be helpful to ground you into what you're actually, what you're actually fearing you might doing? Have a thought like, people will see me and they might not like me. I can so relate to this as a pathological people pleaser and perfectionist. Oh my goodness. So many p's there that I am working to stand in my power, working to be more direct, more honest, and even know myself better and better so that I can speak those truths and that's part of my healing journey. You might have a thought like, how will other people perceive this? Why would people listen to me? This is one that I hear a lot. Why would people listen to me when there are people out there with x number of times the followers that I have or people who've been doing it for longer? Sometimes we even compare ourselves to our own coaches or mentors. That's something that I've done a lot and thought, well, if that person's out there and I've hired them, then why would anyone else want to listen to me and hire me? And this is just being really, really real with you all, okay? Because I want again, to normalize this. You might have a thought like, there are so many trolls out there, people are terrible online. I need to protect my energy from all of this. Now, on the flip side, like I mentioned, we often catch 22 ourselves and have a fear of success that is related to imposter syndrome, that we think, wow, if this really works, or, wow, if I show up, we're kind of scared of our own power. And that can sound like, well, I'm not going to have enough time to do the things that are important to me. If I get the number of clients that I say that I want or that I could get by putting myself out there, that I might not have enough time to be with my family, I might not have enough time to do the things I love. These types of things that we fear. If our business really takes off and has the kind of success that we want, then we won't be able to live a life, right? And for me, obviously, living a life with passion is super important. I get to ride horses twice this weekend, and it was so life giving for me because that is something that I would spend or invest more time doing if I felt like I had it right, which is another way that this shows up, the fear of not having enough time. And some of this is simply making a decision to do it and building other things around it. And also, look, I have two young kids. I am single. I know that it is not just as easy as going, oh, I have so much time on my calendar. But look, that fear of not having enough time can totally creep up. And it does for me from time to time. The fear of not being able to handle the delivery, the delivery, like, oh, my gosh, I can't handle that many calls. I can't handle that many clients. Or what if I can't get results for them? What if I can't create results with them? Right? So that can hold us back from even showing up in the first place. While we also know that we're here to make an impact and we're here to bring light and we have a vision and a passion for growing our business bigger, to serve the world and serve our own lives and the people that we love. So sometimes when I have particularly felt imposter syndrome was when I put out my first offer in my coaching business. Now, maybe like you, I had had success in a previous business venture. I had run an online marketing agency. I built it on the side of my nine to five, and then I had run it full time for five years by the time that I decided to become a coach and help other people grow their own businesses, right? And I can remember being on the phone with my coach at the time before I put out my first post. Okay? So I decided what I was doing. I had created it. I had done that work and before I put out my first post announcing what I was doing, I had so much nervous energy in my body before pushing post that I told my coach, okay, I'm either going to throw up or work out because. Cause it just the energy needed to come out there was so much there. And that's the truth. I chose to work out, thankfully missed the throwing up, grateful for that. And also that's just part of the process is my body was scared. My body was scared and I was able to channel it into something helpful. Like my chest is getting tight just talking about that because my body remembers, right, but it is normal. It is normal. Like I said, when you're doing something new, you're going to a new level, you're having a new experience. The same thing was true the first time I was on entrepreneurs on fire, which is a really big podcast. I was so nervous. I was so nervous about things going well, perfectly, let's be honest, I was so worried about messing up. I was so worried because he has such a strong and dialed in process that I would not meet it and something bad would happen as a result. And I sweated. I sweated a lot. I sweated a lot more than I normally do through that interview. And also I showed up and I made it right. As I mentioned earlier, I've also struggled with, and I know a lot of my clients struggle with comparing myself, comparing themselves to their own coaches, feeling like they need some of the same things in order to be successful. And look, the best coaches help you develop what's right for you, not the one thing that's worked for them. And you probably have heard me talk about that. That's a big pet peeve of mine is going well. This is the one thing that I did to make myself, oh, whatever success. And so it's the one thing I'm going to teach you. Well, you know what? That strategy doesn't work for everybody. Maybe it worked for you at that time in that place. What is the right thing for your clients? What is the right thing for my clients? That's our job, in my opinion, as coaches who empower, and this is how you hear things like, this is the best money I've ever spent on myself. I'm getting or invested in myself. I'm getting lessons that are going to serve me for the rest of my life. And so their ROI continues. What is the lifetime RoI of working with you? This is something to think about instead of comparing yourself to your coach and making yourself wrong. Because when we compare ourselves, we make ourselves wrong. And I've done that too, because that comes from fear. Imposter syndrome, scarcity, that why would anyone hire me, like I said, if they could hire my coach? What if there are enough clients for everyone? And the more you that you are, the more you attract the right people into your life, clients that you're actually going to love instead of clients that your coach would love. So those are a few ways that I see imposter syndrome showing up, that it's shown up in my life, and that I also see it showing up in clients lives. So what do I do when, and what do I recommend that you do when imposter syndrome is showing up and stopping you potentially or sabotaging your goals? One thing that has been really helpful for me, and this is so simple, is getting into my body moving, because that energy needs to go somewhere. And that energy is the energy so often of fight, flight, or freeze or fawn or flock. These things can create analysis, paralysis, or another type of paralysis. They can create distraction, they can create mindless scrolling. They can create avoidance. Right. And it's all these forms of resistance that stop us from taking the action that we want to take. And I find. So we're so up in our heads when this happens, right? We're so up in our heads, but our bodies are also freaking out and trying to stop us. Our nervous systems are. So what I find is that getting movement in for 20 minutes, research shows that that is enough to complete the stress cycle in your body. I think the book burnout is the one that taught me this, and it is, which I read when I was going through a really, really tough bout of adrenal fatigue. Moderate exercises, I believe what they say for 20 minutes. For me, that often looks like a brisk walk. A dance class is always really good for me, even going to the gym and doing weights. Nicole, my amazing integrator, helped me with this, helped me with exercises to get into my body, because among many, many other talents and skills that she has, she is also a personal trainer. So learning to do weights, learning to move my body in really powerful ways, getting out of my head and into my body has always been one of the biggest ways that I have started to make change. And instead of sitting there trying to force myself to do something on my phone or my computer, recognizing, oh, I need to, I need to go walk about this. I need to go, I need to get out of my head and move. Huge, huge, huge. Next is what I call my five minute rule. Now, this is not the five second rule. I love, Mel Robbins. This is different. When you feel like you're a little bit calmer and you want to do some work, can you sit down, set a timer for five minutes, and break that ice? Seriously, when I get overwhelmed, when I am going to a new level or I have a task that I just have resistance to a lot of times out of fear or imposter syndrome, I will say, just do the thing for five minutes. Just do the thing for five minutes. And I've tested this with enough clients that I know it can help you move out of what feels like the mountain or the boulder that you're trying to push up that mountain and take a breath and go, okay, I can do this. I can do this. And it didn't harm me, right? I can do this. And it didn't threaten my life, which is what fight or flight or freeze is all about. Trying to stop you from doing something that will put your life in danger. And it might sound silly, but, hey, there's a reason it throws up so much resistance to you for you, because it, again, is afraid that you're going to get kicked out of that group that keeps you safe. So next, and this is something that I'm really actively working on as well, is practicing that thing you probably have heard about, self compassion. Practicing self compassion. The mother of self compassion, the woman who is most known for it, is a woman named Kristin Neff. She's got multiple books out there. She's got free meditations on her website, as well as on insight Timer, which I love. Insight timer. Self compassion is something that you can practice very, very quickly. In five minutes, it can bring you more mindfulness. It can help you soften, because a lot of times when we get fear, when we get imposter syndrome, we get really, really rigid. We get so afraid to make a move. And one of the things that I've been learning as I continue to realize over and over and over that I am not the exception to every rule as a human, that I am a human is how much of our common humanity is. Things like this is imposter syndrome, is fear. And so when we recognize that we're not the only ones dealing with this, it can take some of the feeling that there's something wrong with us, which is a part of imposter syndrome. Right. The feeling that there's something wrong with us out of it. And recognizing that we can shift this very, very quickly when we realize I can be kind to myself and we begin to rewrite that story that says, if I'm kind to myself. Whatever it is, I'll be lazy. If I'm kind to myself, I won't work. What if being kind to yourself, getting into your body, stop comparing yourself to others who are ahead of you, these types of things. What if really, really getting present to what is true now and to your dreams and to the fact that you can choose to be kind to yourself and try it. Right? Try it. What if those things give you access to your best ideas? That is what I want to encourage you to experiment with. Because this is when you get in a flow state. You do not get in a flow state from fight or flight. You get in a flow state from relaxing, from being open, from giving yourself enough of a challenge that you can really be in the moment with it. And you're learning and you're trying something that isn't just rote for you and that you can check out of. And I would guess that a lot of times the thing that you're feeling imposter syndrome about for five minutes, if you can do it, is enough to move you into that place of possibility. Because also then you're going to be so proud of yourself that you did it. So trying for five minutes to stop comparing yourself to others, to be kind to yourself and to let yourself practice this new thing that you're doing and be enough to move the needle and begin to build confidence in you, that you can do it again, that you can show up. Because we know that confidence does not come from waiting to feel confident, which a lot of times with imposter syndrome, we're waiting to feel better. We're waiting to feel more equipped. We're waiting to feel more confident. The way we build that confidence is from doing the thing. And that's why I say for five minutes, so that you don't overwhelm yourself, you don't put yourself back into this state of panic and create more resistance. But you ease yourself in, realize you can do it, and then take the next step. I hope this conversation about imposter syndrome and overcoming it has been helpful for you. Thank you so much for listening. And I'd love, love, love to hear your feedback on this episode. Did it resonate with you? Do you deal with imposter syndrome? What does it hold you back from and what do you find