Full of universal insight, Deana Barnes, talks of her parallel life of holistic arts and alcohol since she was 15 years old. How somewhere along the way, the belife that an altered state consciousness, created a hightned state of awareness. When in fact, it was the opposite. It created an eatram of inner elements always out of balance that eventually lead to an ultimatum. Deana talks how the only way out of suffering was through diving in to the shadow. "Understanding that the world is bigger than myself, my inner connectedness to the world around me always kept me at heightened awareness to give me another point of view." Was her tether to the TRUTH of who she is. That alcohol was just a mask and real life is embracing who is is body, mind and soul.
Check out Deana's Wonderful Beauty & Wellness HERE and IG @deanabarnesbeauty
The Black & Sober Podcast on IG @blackandsober
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Full of universal insight, Deana Barnes, talks of her parallel life of holistic arts and alcohol since she was 15 years old. How somewhere along the way, the belife that an altered state consciousness, created a hightned state of awareness. When in fact, it was the opposite. It created an eatram of inner elements always out of balance that eventually lead to an ultimatum. Deana talks how the only way out of suffering was through diving in to the shadow. "Understanding that the world is bigger than myself, my inner connectedness to the world around me always kept me at heightened awareness to give me another point of view." Was her tether to the TRUTH of who she is. That alcohol was just a mask and real life is embracing who is is body, mind and soul.
Check out Deana's Wonderful Beauty & Wellness HERE and IG @deanabarnesbeauty
The Black & Sober Podcast on IG @blackandsober
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Welcome, welcome. My name is Mary Wagstaff. I am a life coach who ended a 20 year relationship with alcohol without labels, counting days, or ever making excuses. In this podcast, we will explore my revolutionary approach to quitting alcohol that breaks all the rules, amazing stories from women who are throwing a better party because of it, and how you can stop drinking and start living. The show is not a substitute for rehabilitation and medical treatment or advice. Please talk to a health professional if your alcohol consumption is a risk to your mental and physical health. Now. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, thank you so much for being here for another episode of stop drinking and start living. And we are here with another beautiful guest today to share her story and all of the service that she's doing in the world. And it's her birthday, which I am thrilled that she's spending her birthday morning with us. So hopefully this is just an empowered way for for you to start the day. Dina Barnes welcome. And thank you so much for being on the show. Oh, yes. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, I like to start with having you tell our listeners about what you are up to that is magical these days, and how you're spreading your light out into the world. Absolutely. So um, as I said, my name is Dana Barnes and I have been working on lately, just tapping more into, into understanding who I am, I guess the basic, the basic, most basic way I could put it, and really embracing and being empowered by who I am. And so to speak, kind of taking the mask off, that I feel like I was wearing when before I started, you know my journey of sobriety. And just embracing that face and embracing that body, just as it is without needing to do anything else. Oh my gosh, I love that so much. And I know I found that too. You know, as you start to unravel the layers of yourself, it's like, alcohol just hid all of the best parts of you, you know. And so now you have this beautiful opportunity to go back and look and see, you know, wow, what Who am I? It's a beautiful, it really is a beautiful journey. challenging, but awesome. Um, yeah. So do you want to just start at the beginning and tell us a little bit about the beginning story of your relationship with alcohol? Sure. So for me, it's been a very long relationship. I actually started drinking when I was quite young, like 14 is 1415 years old. And it's continued forward from there. And it was one of the things that just kind of randomly happened, it wasn't, you know, no one coaxed me with a bottle, like here, go drink. You know, I just basically was a very curious young person. And my dad always kept liquor in the house. And I remember I still remember the day because I, he was a way, you know, we had a big house in Maryland, and I was just exploring the house and looking around, and then I got up in the cabinet. And I was like, Huh, what's this brown stuff. And I poured me a glass and it was like, four movements. absolutely ridiculous. You know. And then when I moved back to the north suburbs of Illinois, you know, it's very quiet in the suburbs, there's literally nothing for people to do. So if you're not constantly keeping your kids and activities in the suburbs, like, they're going to get into stuff. So my friends and I will get together. For some reason, people always thought I was older than what I was. So I would be the one that would go into the liquor store. They would never ask me for my ID, I would grab you know, cheap liquor because I knew nothing about drinking. So I was like, grabbing Mad Dog. 2020. And, you know, just really, when I look back at it, I'm like, dang, at least I could have been a little more classy about you know, what, hey, whatever it was, you know, early 2000s, or whatever. So, now I'm grabbing, elevate and all kinds of crap. And so, you know, we would find a park or find wherever and just drink and rap and be silly, you know, and as I got older, you know, boys were introduced to the situation's different things started happening, you know, and although i was i will say, I don't know, smart enough, I guess to at least get my career going. Like I started my I got certified in massage therapy right after high school. So I started my career very early. And you know, but even with that I still was drinking throughout the whole time, but it really can To ahead, the last Lake, I've been sober six years. So about 10 years ago, after I got married, things like that, I just started drinking so much more like my husband worked a lot. And he was always out of the house. And, you know, I just, I don't know, liquor became my friend. And so I will go to the store, I'll get a bottle of mine, I will go back and get another bottle. Next thing, you know, I got three, you know, it was just, it was just built up. And, you know, if we would have arguments, we would have all kinds of just really silly things that shouldn't that wouldn't have happened if there weren't, there wasn't alcohol involved. So he basically gave me an ultimatum or a ultimatum at one point where he was like, you know, it's fun to kind of be the liquor me because I can't keep coming home to a stranger, basically, and not knowing what I'm walking in the door to. And, you know, we lost a child, we had all kinds of things that kind of happened, I lost the baby, I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. And, you know, just certain things started happening where I was just like, I'm better than this, like, I know better than this, you know, I, I was like, Yogi, you know, I was vegan, I knew stuff. You know, like, I didn't know, it was just that alcohol, I had a hold on me. So I did a detox, I, you know, did some things just kind of cleanse my body, we took a trip to LA and Venice Beach. And, you know, I just like walked on the beach and kind of did a ritual where like, you know, just through my dress off and just went in the ocean, you know, and just kind of started at some cleansing work. And then it was just for moving from there. And I we eventually got pregnant again. And now I have my daughter, and it's kind of one as a mom, I don't ever want to put her through knowing that person that I was. So at this point, there's really no turning back. Now we'll go congratulations is amazing. I mean, I know that firsthand, the journey. And so I'm just proud of you. Because it's Yeah, it's like one of those things you turn around one day and you're like, Wait, what? What's going on? Like? Yeah, you know, it's Yeah, don't you think you have it under control? You think it's fine, but it's even now on the other side of it. I'm like, man, there were so many things that weren't right like that. I just because I was young, and you know, didn't know anything. I didn't know that it wasn't right. You know? Absolutely. Yeah. See it when you're in it, you know? Yeah. And like, you look back and you're like, Oh, wow. I love that you mentioned the part about doing a ritual. Because I know that the work you do, and I would love to talk about that is involved in like you talked about being a yoga massage therapist is like really holistic health care and beauty. And that was something for me personally, when I really dove into looking at my life as a sacred journey, and just like, just looked around me and literally stopped and like, what do these things that I've been doing for so long really mean to me? And it was like, you know, you'd like you don't if you don't stop to ask the question, do I even want this? It just you just keep responding to the triggers, without slowing down? So what would you would you say it was like, for you, it was part of that of slowing down? Just to kind of look around and say, you know, what, the hack? Yeah, for sure. I think, because I started, like, my journey with yoga and things like that quite young, like I was, like, 15, or some, somewhere around the same time that I started drinking, I also started doing yoga, like, you know, like, the light and dark, right, always happening at the same time. Um, so you know, have these periods where I would fast, I would have these periods where, you know, I did a lot of like, theological research. So, you know, I would be at the mosque, I would be at the church, I would be at the Buddhist temple, you know, so, there were all these things that, you know, I was introducing to myself, or that were being introduced to me by the universe, to kind of give me another point of view on things. So, understanding that the world is bigger than just myself, understanding that interconnectedness of myself with the world around me, always kept me at a more heightened awareness. So even as you know, I would be one of those people that I was the philosopher, when I drank, you know, like, I would get drunk, and then I would just break down all of those things that was in my head, you know, and I will just go on these long rants about the spirit and consciousness and this man, you know, but I'm also a follower of like, the road, right? And, you know, and all of these old writers, and so I want it to be a writer and a point in my life. So, you know, I thought at one moment that you need it to drink in order to write you know, like, you need it to be in this you know, altered state of consciousness in order to create and things like that, um, you know, because I was a rapper and I felt like my right came out more, you know, when I drink, it was just, you know, just very interesting that how those dual things were happening, but definitely, because of that, I understood that there was a way of doing things and organized, structured way that things can be approached a scientific way, if you will. So that's kind of what has been my approach is once I realized the problem, it was like, Okay, now I have to create a program to solve the problem. Yeah, it's just so interesting to me, just how that can happen that same time. Yeah, I mean, you're I am this is like, so parallel to my own personal experience. And it was like that, that that awareness was really such a saving grace and like a tether to not letting it go to the deep end. Yeah. Because I was studying yoga for 20 years as well. And so but I what so what did you what eventually kind of ended up being your program? Because I guess I want to ask you this. So you, you know, you went you had your ritual and your cleanse in LA? How did you move through like the first phase of, of sober living? Yeah, I feel like the first phase of it, like the first year to two years, um, I went back to being vegan, I did, like, you know, I kind of got rid of, you know, I started doing like these raw food cleanses, and things like that. So I kind of went more extreme on the opposite end, to try to find that balance, right. Um, and for me, I really dove into meditation work. That was something that was lacking, that kept coming up, like when I would get readings and things like that, whoever whoever did my reading, no matter what part of the world they were in, they will always tell me, you need to meditate. There's something inside of you that's trying to connect to you that you keep running from my godfather will always told me to stop being afraid. My eyes when she would give me reading, she would say, Why do you keep stopping yourself from doing what you really want to do? Why won't you just do what you really want to do? Why, you know, like, she was like, You need to stop and meditate, you need to slow down. Um, so meditation work really became I feel like the primary way of me finding that sustained balance and that sustained healing. So in my blackened journey, black and silver journey workbook, is basically a book of meditations. That's really what it is the book of rich of meditation rituals that I used to help me get sober. So a lot of it is working with the inner child. And a lot of visualization work really, of just like going inside, and basically going into the inner world in working there first, because you can't do anything if you don't work with yourself. Or if you don't get through all of those layers of anger, of resentment of fear of, you know, dreams that you thought that you wanted to achieve, that you did, and all of those things that are constantly going through our mind and causing us to take actions that could be harmful. You have to work through those layers and bring yourself to a point of peace with it. Yeah, beautifully said, Oh, my gosh, the inner child work keeps coming up as a theme over and over again. And I I didn't realize how expedited the process can be when you go in Yeah, take ownership of the layers of the self and really bring that little version of yourself into the present and just be like, Hey, I got you girl, you know exactly. No, literally, like I was saying in my last live like I Someone was asking me. We were talking about like sex and sobriety. And someone asked me if I felt like the things that were coming up were due to the trauma that I went through as a child. And I had to say, like, you know, actually, probably not because I already did that work. And my child self is chilling like she's good. Like she has on her little her little heart sunglasses and her Mickey Mouse bowl, and she is happy. Okay. I let her know that we're good. Like I that was the primary thing I did was be like, Look, girl, I'm grown now. And I will never, ever let anything happen to you again. And I gave her a list of all of the tools that I've developed over the years and she just kind of sat back and was like, oh, okay, can I have ice cream? And she just, she was like, Okay, cool. And she was so happy. Like we cried together and then we were good, you know? And yeah, so that work really makes a big difference. That's beautiful. I'm so glad this is coming up because I just talked to someone else about inner child work, and I didn't know about it. And I mean, I knew about it, but I hadn't experienced it myself until recently. And yeah, and it really gives you this affirmation for yourself now as a grown woman to say, Wow, look at all I have done. And now instead of, you know, blaming our parents blaming the world, we can take ownership and like, for all of it, and now 100% responsibility for the good, the not so great. And be like, yeah, I've got this. And so you're in complete control. And I just think that that's so amazing. One thing you said, that I just kind of, I've always find this so interesting with the parallel of kind of holistic living and alcohol is that you talked about this, you thought that you had to have this heightened sense of awareness to be a writer. And I find that so fascinating, because there is this like, little bit of a facade with alcohol, where at some point, we do think that we're like, in this higher consciousness state. But now obviously, we know that, that it was bs the whole time. So can you talk a little bit about, you know, how you feel like you are approaching getting into that? I mean, you talked about meditation. But yeah, just kind of how you see the difference now between the realities of being a channel or a vessel for the work you need to do rather than how alcohol was kind of the opposite of that all along? Absolutely. And, you know, that's what you said about being a channel being a vessel, you know, that in order to do that, you have to be empty, and you have to be clear. And when you're drinking, you're actually full, and the thing that you're full of is your ego, the thing that you think that is, that is so you know, so smart. And so this map like no, that's just your ego, like, it's literally not the thing that you're that you're supposed to be connecting to. So what I found is that, that same experience, and really, it's a a dopamine experience, right, that same experience you get, you can actually get that from decreasing inflammation in your body, you know, the more that the inflammation decreases from your body, the clearer you are, the more you feel your circulation going through your body. And that I think, is actually the key is that circulation, when we drink, it speeds up a lot of circulation as we're drinking, right, we want the body it's a lot warmer, things start to move through. But things start to move through kind of at a Mercury speed. Where as when you're going on the opposite end, and you're decreasing the inflammation, you're filling up with that same kind of dopamine response, but it's a natural response. And it's coming, kind of up and out and filling the body versus when you drink is speeding through and burning everything up. So as you're thinking like, Oh, I'm growing, I'm growing, I'm growing, you're actually burning, burning work, and didn't even know it. And that's why you wake up on the other side kind of shriveled up really, you know, gosh, I love that image. Like, yeah, I just, I'm glad you brought up like the elements because I just talked to this other woman who is like an alchemist. And she works with plant allies, and mostly essential oils. And she was just saying that the element of alcohol is this fire, but it's so extreme that the then the water and the emotions come in to kind of dampen it down. So then we have this like fluidity that we that's like this false sense of living like this false sense of being alive and in flow with life. And it just gives us this really warped feeling of perception. But as we know, kind of like everything that goes up must come down. So on the other side of it, the heightened pleasure is just met with that heightened pain. So yeah, lots of depression, lots of very Yin type of feelings, like a very, you know, you know, you start crying more, you know, you start weeping about, you know, the most random things, you know, all of that. Whereas when you're sober when that balance of kind of water and fire and all of that happens, it happens at a more a more livable speed. Really, you know, when it comes up, you're able to work through it, whereas it doesn't come out like a flood. It's like it starts to trickle you're like, oh, that kind of hurts and you're able to work through and mend as it goes versus feeling as if you've torn open it up. Every time that you experience it, you know, so yeah, yeah, it's really what and working from the perspective of actually having some tools like you do, and I would love for you to talk about some of the other stuff that you're doing out in the world, but is that you just notice that the natural cycles and rhythms of life are natural, and when we move with them, there's a subtlety to living you know, that becomes really beautiful and it can hurt and it can be sad to go back and look at some of the things But there's like you said, it's just not this extreme. And you have, there's more of a grace that flows with it. So, yeah, I would love to know, some of the other tools that you that you've used or that you've collected over the years that have really been supportive of your process of sobriety. And that you're, that you're offering out into the world. Yeah, most recently, I actually added in Reiki as a form of therapy. And that's been within the last like two years or so. And that's made a big difference, tap into that intuition aspect, which was something that was being blocked, that's that everyone would always say, Oh, you got something that's trying to come through, but you need slow down so you can see it. That was a that really was my intuition that was calling forth and wanting to have more expression. And I really learned more about how to do that by doing Reiki, so Reiki is a form of energetic work that works through the chakras that allows for you to clear and balance those chakras. And it also helps you connect to the inner world at a better rate to so it's quite interesting. It was developed in Japan, and it's just spread out, you know, amazing. What do you think was the biggest belief that shifted for you around alcohol, from like, when you were drinking to what you see now because I, because for me, and for my audience, that's really what I, what I work with is like, you know, our thoughts are creating these stories over and over again, that we just look back and we end up they end up just not even being true. Is there something that stands out for you? Yes. So understanding that, you know, I have my own personal power is not based on cultural background, it's not based on you know, just me needing to operate, you know, from the point of a male dominated, you know, society that as a woman, there are powers that I can tap in. And believe it or not, you know, being a healer or being in the center of wellness and things like that, is a very feminine centered way of thinking. So in a lot of ways, you know, in order to embrace your wellness, you do need to tap into that part of yourself. Yes, oh my gosh, I'm so glad you said that, that cuz I find that with every every one I work with, it really is this disconnect between some of the Divine Feminine essence, that's really been kind of shunned and not held to high standard in our society that really ends up being the key for healing to finding that part of the fullest expression of who you are. And this really beautiful, because it's really the emotional waters, right, that we're that we're tapping into, so that we can trust, we can have self trust of knowing who we are, what we need, what we don't want, saying yes, say no. And when you're just kind of dampening that down all the time. You're really limiting your power. So absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, that's beautiful. Um, is there anything that you would say to someone that's kind of just starting on their, their journey of sobriety that you a little tip that you would give them or a message that you would like to send to them? Absolutely, definitely take it slow. And don't try to make any extreme changes in the beginning. So the extreme changes are kind of going to happen along the way as Joel, but nothing set you There's nothing you need to do right now. Other than just well, and have been to wellness and wellness for many people are more different people. It's not any different. So for for you, you know, wellness, maybe increasing your water intake, you know, for you wellness, maybe, you know, stopping consuming dairy for a while, it really listen to your own body to find out exactly what it is that you need to do, instead of following someone else's formula. So it's good to listen to someone else. It's good to grab as many resources, as many stories as many journeys, you know, learning about everyone's journey, but don't feel like you have to put on the cloth of that journey in order to heal and be well. Oh, that's such a great message because it really is this route. It's really such an individual journey of the self and yeah, listening to your own personal intuition of what's coming through is what's so needed in the world. In so many ways, right? And I'm so glad that you said that it's beautifully said, there's so much information that and like, it's so hard to hear your own thoughts anymore. And I just think, you know, that practice of meditation and going inward of like, Okay, this is this is good, I'm just gonna keep this over here as like an option but what you know, but what it what what does my body really need in this moment? Dina tell us a little bit about the work that you're doing in the world and how you know, people can find you if they're local where you are, but I know you have offerings with the podcast. And I would just love for everyone to hear about what that is. And and, yeah, how we can get more of what you're doing. Yeah. So the way that you found me, I believe was through the black and silver podcast. So that is a really excellent way to just kind of find out more about my journey and things like that. And also to find out different resources and tools that are currently available, or, you know, your silver journey, things like that. Also, in real life, so to speak. I've been in the wellness industry for the last 18 years. So I do a variety of things from bodywork, reiki, skin care, so many different things. And all of that can be found on Dina Barnes calm. So the black and silver podcast, you can also follow me on Instagram at Black and sober or at Dina Barnes beauty. So there's quite a few ways you can reach out for sure. Yeah, and you have the black and silver workbook as well. Yes. So um, as I mentioned, it is a really a meditation workbook, a visualization workbook, just with all of the things that I use for the last six years to assist with my wellness journey. Yeah, beautiful. And that's available on your website as well is and also just on amazon.com as well. Awesome. Do you do any work remotely with people for Reiki or any energy work? Yes. So I do offer distance Reiki sessions. So that's definitely an option. All right. Well, Dina, I just wanted to say thank you, again, so much for being on here. And I know we had a little coordination problem at the beginning. But I'm really glad to meet you. And I'm just so excited for you and your journey and your beautiful family. And you're in your next year, your next solar return around the sun. And so I just hope you have a beautiful day. And thank you so much for being here for sharing your journey and your medicine with our audience. This is part of healing the world and you know, we heal ourselves first, and then we can help heal the world. So I hope you have an amazing day. Oh, thank you so much. Very, thank you for your patience as I'm running around the city here. I know, it was great. And I hope that we can connect in the future. And once you know, things are back and we can all be together. I want to have a big like sober, get gathering some time. I mean, you know, across the country, but I have this vision of like all of these people that I've interviewed and connected with that we can, I don't know somehow meet up and throw a better party. You know, I love that idea. For sure. Absolutely. Let's do that. All right, Dina, have an amazing birthday and I'll talk to you soon. Thanks, everyone for listening. Bye, Mary. I the process of unraveling your story outside of the confines of alcohol is truly a sacred and beautiful journey of the South. rediscover who you are in a whole new world again. Stop by my website Mary Wagstaff coach.com, to get instant access to the on demand workshop of my revolutionary five shifts approach. And while you're there, you can sign up for a one on one consultation, where we will create together your life intention. This is the framework for which all of your decisions around alcohol are made from your truest and highest self. In addition to working remotely worldwide. I host private one healing retreats at my sanctuary in Mount Hood for again, I can't wait to connect