Learn how to stop drinking alcohol and honor your wisdom. An illusionist uses smoke and mirrors to make something appear different than it really is. It tricks your mind, alters your perceptions. But when the smoke clears, you can see, nothing has changed, you are left right where you stared. Or maybe in a worse place because now, you have to manage the consequences. Of not showing up the way you really want to in life. Learn how the elements of thought, emotion, action, body and spirit are out of balance, why it's so hard to SEE when you are in it, and how to get them back to where you can BREATH again.
Today the show turns 50! And we couldn't feel better. Good things happen with age. You learn from mistakes and improve your excellence. Start at 80-% good, to get going, this is the only way to learn.
Schedule a time to end the daily mind drama about alcohol NOW: 1:1 coaching HERE
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Learn how to stop drinking alcohol and honor your wisdom. An illusionist uses smoke and mirrors to make something appear different than it really is. It tricks your mind, alters your perceptions. But when the smoke clears, you can see, nothing has changed, you are left right where you stared. Or maybe in a worse place because now, you have to manage the consequences. Of not showing up the way you really want to in life. Learn how the elements of thought, emotion, action, body and spirit are out of balance, why it's so hard to SEE when you are in it, and how to get them back to where you can BREATH again.
Today the show turns 50! And we couldn't feel better. Good things happen with age. You learn from mistakes and improve your excellence. Start at 80-% good, to get going, this is the only way to learn.
Schedule a time to end the daily mind drama about alcohol NOW: 1:1 coaching HERE
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Welcome back my beautiful listeners, if you're back for another episode, thank you so much for being here. And if you're new Welcome to the show, it's going to be a really fun show today, we are getting very close to what is actually gonna be the second full moon of this month. So that's a blue moon, right on Halloween, which in Celtic tradition is known as salan. And that is the witches New Year. So it's the really the closing out of the year, for the darkest of the dark days from now, well, from for Saturday until the the winter solstice, which is when the light starts to return again. So we're really getting into the darkest dark. And I love ritual, if you don't know that. And so I tend to notice my own cycles and rhythms in line with nature, and how right now, we're really being called to take our seeds of knowledge and wisdom, and take them into our little dwellings in our little caves. And really just examine, who does this serve? And if you're listening right now, this could be your question about alcohol, who does this serve? And for me, I'm doing a deep dive into some beliefs around my business growth. And so I'm really taking that to another level of, you know, who do these limiting beliefs serve, and where do they come from. And so in honor of this time of the year, and to support the collective, because I do believe that this work of changing our relationship with alcohol also creates a better and more peaceful world, especially when you do it from this place of passion, and compassion and growing awareness, it really starts to shift how you show up for every other aspect in your life. Because when we take personal responsibility, we allow in the invitation of the other to express themselves, right? We don't look at the outer world as the cause of how we show up. So we can invite in that diversity of experience, have information of opinions, and see it from a neutral perspective, and then choose and decide how we want to think about it. I've never done this before. And you might have heard it on the last show. from Monday, I am going to be holding a live ceremonial practice, where you will learn the five essential elements to reclaim your power, and to eliminate your desire for alcohol. So this is unlearning the habit, but we're going to do it in live action form. So you'll actually be participating in 100% confidentiality, but in your space with the these embodied practices. So you will just be seated, but it will be kind of a ritual practice. I am so excited over the last year, I really kind of put the the five, my five essential shifts to changing your relationship to alcohol, and then the 40 days to freedom if you were if you were privy to that I've kind of put them together to really create this really special understanding of embodiment. And this practical application of utilizing you know how our thoughts create our feelings, and then how that drives our actions out into the world. So we never solve any problem by changing the action. It is always solved with a thought. And now we don't necessarily see that because so much of our thought patterning is subconscious. So today, I wanted to invite you to please go sign up for that it is Friday, November 6 live on zoom webinar at 1pm. So SCO save your seat, I'll put a link in the show notes, invite a friend. It's going to be really really fun. I'm so excited to just offer This to the audience in a in a different way than I really show up on the podcast. So this is through ceremony through ritual and practice. And this is how I really love to come together in a group setting and offer value to you. And it's just the perfect time of year. So today we are talking about smoke and mirrors of alcohol. an illusionist uses smoke and mirrors to make something appear different than it really is. So it tricks your mind and alters your perception. But when the smoke clears, you can see nothing has changed, you are left, right where you started. And that magic in that mystery slowly fades away. Or maybe you end up kind of in a worse place. Because now you're disappointed, right, and you have to manage the consequences of those illusions that alcohol has created for you. So of not showing up in the way that you really want to in this life, not to mention the physical and mental implications of it. The illusions of alcohol are trying to change the reality of the situation, by lowering your inhibitions and altering your senses. So you're just not in the present moment, you are trying to solve for the problem of an emotion by using the thing which is alcohol, that is now the cause of the pain, you know, is the consequence the next day. So when we use alcohol, we're always really trying to solve for an emotion, something that we're not really willing to feel, or because we think something's going to be better than it naturally is. The solution never lives in the action. It always starts with a thought the subconscious and society create an illusion of what we think something will make that will make us happy outside of ourselves. So you know marketing in the media, they don't just put out up old, any old words, any old phrases, right? It's even from the colors to the inflection to the quirky insurance lady. It's all on purpose to invoke in you. And emotion, when you don't believe right now is available to you until you change the circumstances of your life until you click that Amazon button. And by that novel thing that you never ever will need in your life until you get a new car until you remodel your bathroom. So one Fun fact. And this is just kind of leading into our topic is my partner Matthew is a general contractor. So I'm actually part owner of the remodeling company, although I don't mud drywall anymore, thank goodness. But it is a very satisfying job, I have to say because you can really look back and see what you've done. But people pay him 10s of thousands of dollars for new bathtubs and tile when the old ones were just totally fine. And you know, of course, there's nothing wrong with upgrading and wanting a clean, shiny and all of these things, the bathroom, the tile, it all just sits there, right? It doesn't do anything to the people. It's what his clients think about when they see the thing, right. So they see this old bathroom, they're like, Oh, this is disgusting. I hate it. They think that they're, they can't have a good shower because of it. And I mean, a luxury bathroom is amazing, right? It is nice to have those things. But you can of course, be happy without it. And just because you get that high end $20,000 plus bathroom with all the thrills doesn't mean that your husband is going to remember your birthday doesn't mean you will stop yelling at your kids. No, you will take your mind with you into that new bathroom. Now, you might decide that this is going to be your downtime. So you've changed some thoughts of now how you're going to use this bathroom, and use that as some as some therapeutic time for yourself. I have a bathroom personally right now that I don't really liked that much. But I don't care about it someday it'll get changed. But it's completely irrelevant to me. And I could even flip the script and say, you know, this jetted bathtub is amazing. I'm going to take a bath in every day. So I can be like a queen. This bathtub is the symbol to me of how powerful I am. I could fall in love with it if I simply just changed my thoughts about it. But right now it's pretty neutral to me. So I just don't really spend much time thinking about it. Now you go and ask someone to spend$30,000 on their mind, and the thing that is actually going to give them the feeling that they want from that bathroom, and it's going to be a much harder sell. Why is that? Why are we willing to invest in the bathroom that just sits there, that might make a little bit of profit, you know, from the sale of a house, but investing in the money. Making Machine of our mind is not even an option for so many people. But you're here you're spending your time because you know that personal growth and development and growing awareness really is how we create our realities. And that's becoming more apparent in the collective also. So many people of course, invest in education, right, higher education, but that's again, just another system that's sold to us of something we need in order to have a more fulfilling, more satisfied and rewarding life. Well, my friends, the cat is out of the bag, and you don't need any of this stuff. People are telling you need to be happier, right? You just need that beautiful human mind of yours, a desire and a commitment. And I'm not saying that this any of this is invaluable. I'm saying that the value equaling does it equal your happiness? And is it really getting you the life that you want? If it is, then why is everyone drinking all the time, right, and laughing and joking about the life that they're actually terrified of feeling? You know, they have all of the things but then they're drinking because those things actually didn't make them feel that great. And the life that needs alcohol, to have a good time, right? You have to need alcohol to be silly and Goofy, to play a game and to laugh and to joke to have a dance party to have that intimate conversation or a kinky evening with your lover to ask hard questions. This is the illusion my friends, you think that you're having a good time. But what changes when the alcohol goes away? Nothing, that time is still the same. You're literally nothing is different, except that you are left with the stark reality of what is right in front of you. And which I will argue is a wonderful, amazing life, things that you are missing out on the subtleties of the romance of this life, because you're drinking. It was for me and for my clients. I just had a client that celebrated her birthday for the first time this year alcohol free. She went on an adventure out all over the city on her bikes with a girl gang of friends. And she said she had the time of her life, she was blown away by her beliefs of what she thought was possible. She said she could never have imagined in a million years that she could have had more fun than she did at a festival dancing and intoxicated. And she wasn't even with a crew of sober checks. They were just her friends that she had hung out with before, and that she would just have had a good time with normally. And she wasn't even paying attention to who was drinking or not. She was just living in her own bliss and proud of herself and feeling her emotions in this natural high and elation. She was high off of the moment of a really, really fun time. And that is salt. frickin awesome. And she had no consequences The day after. Now you go to a wedding, right? And no one wants to be at a dry wedding. Right. But whoever said weddings are supposed to be fun, maybe it's about a different vibe. Maybe it's about being in the presence of this bond and a communion of hearts and minds of people that are committing their lives so themselves, people that you know and love, you know, maybe if we changed what the whole setup looked like, rather than this, this wild party, that it was a sacred ceremony that everyone was involved in. Maybe that would you know, invoke a different sentiment, but everyone wants to get smashed. And then you'll never even know what happened the next day. And so this isn't ever about shame. It's just calling it like it is you just see it. This is how it is it's neutral, right? The when you drink alcohol, you are changing the reality of what is happening in your body, in your emotions and in your thoughts. And then the elements of the body become unbalanced because of this. There's the illusion that alcohol makes things more bearable. Right? Then there is the illusion that your life will never be the same without it to an alcohol free life terrifies you. So it's like the illusion in the moment, but then the illusions about what's possible for the future. But how do you even know because you don't live in the future yet. And you're totally different than maybe that last time you took a break from drinking, and you were in deprivation that entire time, because you just didn't have the tools you need. You didn't have this podcast, you didn't have me. You sat there with your table. In your hands like the Cowardly Lion say, I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks. I do, I do I do. And then guess what happens? you prove yourself right you believe your thoughts. And because of that loop of thinking and feeling, it goes around and around and around until there's a ghost in the closet, and you are convinced that it's there, you have convinced yourself that there is no other way. But there is part of you that can't stand what's going on with this alcohol anymore, it's like enough, the inner elements inside of you right now are a hot mess. And so this just creates the ability to be present very, very challenging. And so it's really invited to take a break, slow down those elements, get them balanced out and then do this work right. Now part of you can't stand what's going on. And you have to slow down long enough to check into the reality of what's happening. So you're not alone in this happens with way more situations than alcohol, it's just the alcohol has that really concentrated pleasure that it gets that reward that is not natural. The human brain loves to create the worst case scenario and look, for the most from the most negative perspective for everything. And you're just not alone in this. This is just how the human brain works. It takes practice and commitment and diligence to catch yourself a me like, why am I looking at this from the most negative perspective? What if the situation was totally fine, and nothing had gone wrong? Most of the time we create what's gone wrong in our heads before it actually happens. I just did that this weekend. I had a little hormonal shift. And I created all of this drama around my business. And literally nothing had gone wrong and happen and I wanted to change. I wanted to change all the actions make all of the things different, feel better, by changing all the actions, when all I really needed to do was manage my mind, feel my emotions, asked myself, What is this emotion trying to tell me understand the recognize the thought and then say, Is this true? No, it took a little while until I got to the bottom of it. But I finally did. And then I didn't shame myself for feeling, you know, for being in a spiral. I just said, Okay, now what? Now I know what happened moving forward, right? So we just have to like, chill out a little bit. But what happens is the elements are so out of balance, that it's really hard to see that. So what if I could really just love this bathroom? Right? What if that was possible? What if it would make what I could make it like sexy and add some plants and candles? And I can even see it now. Right? How would I need to feel to love this bathroom, I would need to feel grateful that I have it I would need to feel like it's fancy and luxurious. Because this bathroom is someone else's dream. I'm telling you that. So I just I feel into someone else's dream, I get relaxed about it. And then I can actually enjoy it. And I've done that on a few occasions. And I'm like, Oh my God, this bathroom is actually awesome. There's just like the aesthetics that I don't love. So what I turn the lights down and dive into it. When my clients come to me, they are exhausted. They're exhausted of all of that mind drama, day after day, that cognitive dissonance. I'm waking up. I'm never drinking again. It's five o'clock. Screw it, right. And it's just like, everything's out of balance. But you can't slow down enough and just have that awareness of like, wait, nothing's gone wrong here. I've heard this statement before, how am I feeling? Let's check into it. And it is actually much easier than it sounds. Because instead of being in the tornado of the the trigger urge and cravings, you're stopping, you're just pausing you're checking in. So the element of the mind is overactive, right, and that's the air element. Every thought is like a cloud in the sky that you're attaching to when you're in this process of avoiding an urge or having that mind struggle. And this creates an inner storm. It's like you've just gotten spun out of control. Alcohol itself is the element of fire but not in a natural way. It gives the illusion of more energy that you don't even really have right, it's like it helps you stay up later. But you really just want to go to bed. The body needs to go to sleep. It creates that illusion of a better life when you're really just hiding from your emotions and a party that was never fun to begin with. So we talked about that. And so that inner storm that's happening Add the fire element to it. And what happens is it actually dissipates all of those emotions that you have been creating, right. So it's like you have all of these thoughts At first, and there's like a storm in there. But then those feed into these emotions that you can't bear to handle anymore. So when you add that fire element to it, then the emotions dissipate. And they scatter, but they're not balanced, right? They're not in this like cohesive way where they're easy to manage. So the fire is that illusion, now you're having a party and everything's okay. And then what happens at the end is to put this fire out, the water element of emotion comes back in. But remember, it was scattered, and it has to douse it. And now you're a hot mess, emotionally speaking, while alcohol is present. And what started out as this wild, funny evening, while it really started out, as your mind spinning, this wild, fun evening is now you on the floor crying, because no one loves you. And I say this 100% from my heart, because I've been there, or you're just done with this relationship, and you walk out of here, right, so the element of emotion gets so dramatic, and you see the the water comes in to douse this fire. Then the next day, the body, your earth element is in pain, the mind is in this low pressure of shame, and to try to fix it all. Because you still can't bear to look at it for what it is what happens, the fire will lift you up again and make it all better. And so the elements of you are just, they're out of control right now they don't know where to go. They don't know what to do. They don't know what to be. It's like, Ah, so no wonder this seems so challenging to stop. Of course it does. So where do you start, you start with the five essential elemental shifts of eliminating your desire to drink and reclaiming your power, which you will have access to in live party, it's going to be so much fun, I can't wait. And I will tell you what these five shifts are right now, because I have some podcasts at the beginning that are about these. But this is a little bit of an updated version. So number one is answering the call to the body, your earth element that is ready for this party to take a new road, the high road. And that's in your the earth element is the present moment. It's this 3d embodied experience of your breath, and your senses. Those are the only tools that you need the commitment to making a firm decision so that you won't go back on tomorrow, you make that decision here. And now and you guys have heard me say that it's not about never drinking again, because that may happen. And you should actually expect that that might happen. It's about not giving up on yourself. Because you know, hard hat hard won habits are hard to change. You've worked really hard for those habits, you got to stick it out. And you do that with some accountability, right. So based on the only truth that you know, which is right now this is the only place that power is you don't swear off alcohol, you simply say it's time to figure this out and pay attention to the sacred part of you that is so ready to be done that to that part of you that's listening to the show. Now. The second element, the Compassionate witness the water element of your emotion. So this is how you start to balance these out. Water can't even hurt you unless you drowned, right? So that's usually what happens up by the end of the night. If you're like really partying, right, you're just drowning in your emotions. That is what's happening when you drink. Get out of there and go to higher ground where you can feel from a place of grace and compassion. And when you're up high, think about that. You have this wider perspective, this wider view of the landscape below you of your entire life. So take your emotions, look at them from a higher place. We're just looking at them. Be with the most human part of you, your emotions, they are your our unique gift as humans, you watch them and the thoughts that are attached to them. Just like you watch a movie, no judgment, just noticing what situations create the desire to drink, right? So you just start to see it from outside of yourself not being in this, this unconscious thing that's happening. It's like you can't even see what your triggers are when you're in it because it's it's happening so quick. There's the thought, the emotion, the desire the trigger, and it's all happening all at once. And so you pull yourself back, no judgment. just noticing. Number three The third element, the curious observer, the air of the mind, the thoughts that create our daily reality, suffering, and peace. What we choose to think is how it will make us feel positive thoughts create positive emotions, how much weight and attachment Do we have to one little sentence in the mind that can make you or break you? One thought can change your entire reality your entire life? Wow, I never thought about it from that way you've had that moment before. your beliefs are one reason why it's so hard to stop drinking. So really look at what are your thoughts about living an alcohol free life? And with curiosity, write them down? Are they true? How do you know? are they serving you and your goals? Why are you deciding to believe them? thoughts or beliefs are just thoughts that we think over and over and over again. So when you identify the beliefs that are limiting you, you have the choice to think new thoughts and create new beliefs. It's as simple as that, you just have to continue to show up to practice it. Number four, the intentional create Trek's the fire element controls, a forward moving action. So this is the action of the element of action, from a neutral place of passion for life, your desires, your dreams, your inspiration, the ones that are created all on your own because you are human. And you can do that. what's possible, who is she classy, sexy, empowered, embodied, compassionate, kind to herself and others, you turn into like Snow White to the animals, right? What's your version of the woman you need to be to live an alcohol free life of regret deprivation or shame? This isn't about perfection. This is about honoring who you are not making an emotion mean anything, looking at an emotion as a indicator of who you are someone that respects her emotions, someone that takes time to understand herself, someone that validates the emotions of herself and of others. The one who knows it's just the natural progression of her life and how she wants to create value and love in the world. That this, this desire rate now that you're wanting to change, alcohol is the natural progression of your life that you're resisting. And that's all it is. Right? So if you can look at it from that perspective, you're simply resisting change. But change is the only constant. And we know that once you loosen your grip, things are going to get much easier when you start to create the vision of what an alcohol free looks like from a place of positivity. But right now you're creating it from the worst case scenario, rather than saying, What if, wow, what if it was amazing? And it was actually the answer to all of the things I've been desiring to do that I've never allowed myself to do. Because when you do it from this perspective, you don't substitute it with another thing that's going to get you out of your emotions. You do it from a place where it's going to allow you to feel your emotion so you're not buffering with another new habit, right food or spending or TV. To blow your own mind. You have to be willing to remove the current attachment you have now to your identity. For so many people that you know kind of this party lifestyle, this Footloose, fancy free, but you're not doing anyone any favors. As you get older and you continue to hang on to your lifestyle of 20 year old, right, you're actually going to be feeling more youthful, more vibrant. When you get rid of alcohol, it's going to create the longevity of those emotions and feelings that you were that you had when you were younger. So just let that seep sink in. Because I know for so many of my clients and for me that's it was a really hard attachment. Now I just party in different ways. I love getting my little cup of tea and like cozying up and reading before bed, it's the best thing ever. And those were all the things I didn't ever do when I was drinking, I was just passing out at night, right and maybe not to that extreme all of the time. But I wasn't moving forward. Nothing new was happening. I was stuck and it sucked. But not to look at it from a negative perspective, but it just didn't feel good. But I allow those emotions to be there without the drinking. And then they changed. The fifth and final element is the supportive other. So this is where you receive and give as part of the integral whole the element of ether The place that can permeate all space and time, you move here to the beyond the illusion of the 3d, that is so fixated on this reality here. And now that you're trying to figure out all the time, but that is like just kind of in chaos. So you offer the fruits of your labor of changing your relationship to alcohol, for something greater. The symbiosis of life on earth. And beyond, is something that you're contributing to. Right, we are every little ripple effects that the whole, what is your big why, for making this change that you can anchor into the truth of your identity, not of the ego identity, but of the spark of the creative consciousness that is part of you. Each thought feeling and action affects the whole? How does divinity want to speak? And move through you in this lifetime? What are your passions? What do you know you're meant to do here? And maybe you don't know right now. But I'm telling you, alcohol isn't the quick way to figure that out. What are you willing to express the alcohol is in the way of seeking support and trust from the other to know you are never truly alone is part of this integrated process. We learn to mother ourselves best. And take all of the aspects of who we are into the future, when we can admit we still do need help. When we don't know it all, or I can figure it all out on my own. Making decisions from righteousness, or principle will never get you the result you want. Which is always just to simply be happy, right? Why do we do anything? Why do we fight? Why do we buy stuff? Why are you listening to this podcast? Why did you have a child you know, all of the things, we just want to be happy. But we're thinking it's happening outside of us when right now happiness is available to you drinking or not drinking happiness is available to you. But it will be longer lasting, when you get alcohol out of your way because those inner elements are going to be balanced. And that time in between chaos, and saying now what becomes shorter and shorter, right? So it's not 100% happyland over here and rainbows, it's that I don't make up negative emotion mean anything, I make it an opportunity to look at now some days, I do make it mean something for longer than it's serving me. But I don't dwell on that I just pick up where I left off. And I'm telling you, the time in between gets shorter and shorter. And then I can create new beliefs for myself that are in alignment with the results that I want to achieve in alignment with serving more beautiful women like yourself, to find the life of their dreams to become their own heroine of this life, to be their own hero to feel really proud of the example of who they are to be open in their hearts and to extend their arm. Because they're not standing in righteousness ever. When you change your relationship with alcohol. You're doing it for yourself for an act of self love, and for knowing that when we create more peace in our in ourselves inside, you are truly creating more peace in the world. And you We all know that we need that right now. Right? But not the other not to focus on what someone else didn't do. But by focusing on what it is that we do want in our lives, that peace, that love that joy, that happiness, that playful, those tender moments that don't feel good and the compassionate around them the validation, that is what we want. And so I am that supportive other for so many people. And if this is a message that resonates with you, I would love to help guide you on your journey. So just simply have the question, which is also a thought right now. What if, what if my dreams were waiting for me on the other side of alcohol? If I do it in a deprivation, pain free way where I might, my desire is not even there. It is possible. I'm telling you that I blew my own mind. I didn't think it was possible. I'm doing it with my clients all the time. It is the most cathartic freedom I have ever felt in my entire life. To not ever be worried about whether or not I will be drinking. I hope you have an amazing salwen. Make a little ritual for yourself out under that full moon exclaim to the moon. What your deep intentions are ask yourself who does this serve? Who does this serve right now? Is it me? Is it the collective? Is it the patriarchy? Is it my children? Is it my lover, the chances are, that it's not serving your future. So without shame but with full of compassion, go under that moon, let it absorb into your hearts and let it ground in the sacredness of the vow that you're ready to make to yourself and then take these darker months to really unravel that. Get the rest that you've been needing, do the thought work, feel your emotions, all the outer obligations are going to cease to exist right now. Right? We're not going to be having patios and parties outside social distancing. So what a beautiful opportunity to do this for yourself. I couldn't think of a better time there is no magic time. But if there was a great opportunity, or everything was set up in your favor, I believe it would be right now. There is no more excuse you have a beautiful, wonderful life. All you need is to start now and answer the call of your highest self. I love you. I'm here for you. If you need anything, have a wonderful week.