Ep. #53 Breaking Free With Coach Tiffany Thoen RN

Today I interview, intuitive Eating Coach Tiffany Thoen. Not only does she have an inspiring journey of recovering from alcohol at a young age, but her take on,
"breaking free", of the stigmas and rules around quitting drinking, outside of the 12 step model, and living an alcohol free life, are right in line with the message of my work. We speak to the rising of the divine feminine in our culture through the evolution of emotional intelligence for all beings. It is the invitation to become more fully who we are, that makes the need for alcohol, less. Currently, she takes this same approach in to her Intuitive Eating Coaching practice, helping people find freedom and joy in their relationship to food.
Tiffany's Group Intuitive Eating Program Begins: November 18th 2020 Sign Up: HERE
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Transcript

1:10

Welcome, welcome. My name is Mary Wagstaff. I am a holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship with alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. In this podcast, we will explore my revolutionary approach to getting alcohol out of your way that breaks all the rules, life enhancing tools that make not drinking fun and easy. And the profound and sacred journey that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol, it's time to answer the calling of the woman who is ready to be fully embodied, to stop drinking and start living. The show is not a substitution for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. So please talk to a medical professional if your alcohol consumption is at risk to your mental or physical health. Now on with the show. Hello, my beautiful listeners Happy Monday, I am so excited to be bringing you some extra episodes, as we get into in towards the end of the year, I'm feeling like now more than ever, we really need the support and the encouragement not to help us change the relationship to alcohol, but more of an awareness of what is already present for us in our lives, that maybe we are missing out on because of the relationship of alcohol. So just really re shifting that focus of not what you'll be losing. But what you'll be gaining and how you can really shift the framework to honouring that would you've already created in your life, the abundance and the bounty and the magic of all that is around you. There is so much to be grateful for in this moment. And always, especially when we shift our perspective, outside of the confines of the stories that are created for us inside of little tiny boxes, and we really tune into that symbiotic relationship of who we are in relation to this planet, and to the other species that are here. So there's just a wonderful opportunity when you're looking at examining your relationship with alcohol, to just really start to examine the relationship with your entire life. And what is the confines of the story that you've been living into, without judgement full of compassion, just a questioning? Is this even resonant with who I want to be in the world and how I want to live my life is there another way to find freedom in the experiencing of life. And so much of the time, alcohol allows us only to live in the past, or the future from really a framework of fear rather than in the present moment of unconditional love. And so the present moment really is the only place where you can experience peace, you can't experience peace in the past or in the future because it's not here. But you can experience fear in the present moment based on thinking about those things. So it's a really interesting way to start to shift looking at life. And it's really the way that human beings are evolving. Tiffany Phelan is our guest today, and you'll hear all about her amazing story in the work she's doing in the world. But I wanted to let you know. And as a big thank you to Tiffany, she will be starting her next group intuitive coaching programme, which is very similar to the framework which I use around changing your relationship to alcohol she does with food on November 18. So if that's something that interests you, I'm going to leave all of her information in the show notes. And you'll have plenty of time to find out more, and sign up with her. Welcome back my beautiful listeners, thank you so much for being here for another episode of stop drinking and start living. And I'm really thrilled to be having this guest today because I was just telling her that I think she's one of the first guests that I've had on that not only has a story about recovery and changing her relationship with alcohol, but she's also in the process of really supporting others through their own story of recovery in a in a different way. We'll get into that. But Tiffany Phelan, thank you so much for being here, and welcome to the show. Yeah, thanks so much for having me on. I was just listening this weekend to an episode and I really feel like our vision is so aligned and I love what you the message that you're spreading in the world and how you're supporting people to really Honour themselves and make it about that rather than about this, like, stigma or should or shouldn't around drinking? Yes, thank you for for that. It's nice. It's nice to have the feedback of Tiffany, why don't you just start by telling our listeners a little bit about what is how you spending most of your days and spreading your magic and out into the world. Thank you so much. Well, I spend most of my days alone in my apartment. Given, you know, the pandemic situation, but I prior to that, even I was I've been working with primarily high achieving women who struggle in their relationship with food, and they're just so sick of spending all of their mental and emotional energy, you know, kind of shaming themselves struggling with food and body image issues, and they're ready to really heal their relationship with food in their body so that they can step into the world and be really achieved the things that they want to achieve, be the leaders that they want to be, and no longer kind of be, you know, on that like cycle of pain and self loathing. So I'm really, I feel really passionate about it. And I feel so blessed to already have that work in place prior to the pandemic. The other ways that I spend my days are really, we were talking a little bit just getting ready for this about, you know, how we found tools for ourselves, right, and resiliency, and resourcefulness. And I think one of the ways that we connected was through hula hooping. So I do things like, I open, I go for walks, and I have, you know, relationships with people that I have connections with. And I spend a lot of time caring for myself on a really deep level, which is so wonderful. During this time, I feel like we all need those things more than ever. So that's a little bit about me. Yeah, beautiful. I know, the coop is just such a great tool, man I had, I had no idea that it was going to really be a tool for healing, essentially. And for that deep cultivating that deep self trust. So that's awesome. I think we should start because I really want to do to open up eventually into the work that you're doing, and really how you're helping women cultivate that self trust, because I know it overlaps so much with changing your relationship with alcohol. They're very similar. But I would love to start by just talking a little bit about your journey with alcohol. Yeah, yeah. So I and it's interesting, you know, food and alcohol, for me have been kind of intertwined in a really interesting way. And a lot of kind of self loathing that came along with both of those things. And then my recovery process has been enhanced by, by kind of focusing on healing my relationship with food and my body. But for me, yeah, I started really young, had some, you know, relatively traumatic, things happen in my childhood growing up, and really started looking to alcohol and other drugs in high school. And so that actually escalated really rapidly. And I found myself drinking in a way that was really out of control when I did drink, using substances, you know, daily, if I could, and ended up going to treatment at a really young age. And so I went to, I was really fortunate that I was able to go to an adolescent treatment centre, not everybody has access to that. And, you know, promptly started in Fall stuff. And from then I had my daughter pretty, like, pretty immediately after getting into recovery. And I think that really helped me to, you know, be motivated to try to stay sober and stay in recovery. And so, for me, I went through the 12 step process, and was really committed to it and really loyal to it, and it did help me stay sober. But what I found after many years of being in recovery was that there were still a lot of unhealed wounds, and you know, food being one of them. And that was actually result of other things right? It wasn't I thought food was a problem, that alcohol was a problem. I thought it was a problem. But really, the trauma was the problem. So I started seeking other resources, really focusing on learning to love myself, learning to allow you know myself to truly feel all the things I needed to feel go through some self forgiveness processes and, and then really focused on healing my relationship with food in my body. And those things have been exponentially more empowering than, you know, the many years I spent in cost of recovery, although it did provide Me the support I needed at the time. And so I don't know, maybe five years ago or so I left 12 step recovery, but I'm still sober and still don't, you know, don't drink or use substances because I don't want. I don't feel like I want or need that in my life today. I don't feel like it would enhance enhance my life in any way. And it's really changed my view of recovery as being something that had to be done from from things that had to be done a certain way to really being a being a process that we go through and, you know, that can be done. That is unique to each person, right? Yeah, that's beautiful. I'm so Well, congratulations on being sober for so long. It's amazing. And finding your own path. And you know, I always say that. That's why I don't ever shame, any other forms of recovery, because however you get to where you need to go, is a good thing. Right? And, you know, one of the things that stood out for me is, what, how did you really what was kind of the cue for you that you needed to seek further into really the root of the problem? and start to find that deeper self, like that deeper emotional intimacy? Yeah, yeah. So I'm a nurse, and I experienced pretty extreme burnout. I don't really love that term, but I think kind of gives everybody a clear picture of what was happening for me. And, you know, being, being a person in long term recovery, being a nurse being, you know, all of these roles that I was in, and feeling like I had worked so hard, and yet, I was miserable, right. And I was really, you know, giving everything I could to my job, and then coming home, and just getting in bed at the end of the night. And I had so much guilt around that in my relationship with my daughter and my spouse, and you know, didn't feel like I was experiencing joy. And it was like, you know, why am I doing? You know, what's the point if I'm just going to be miserable. And so, I started really, actually, at that point, I became trained as a coach under my nursing licence. And so it's called integrative nurse coaching. And we did a lot of self care practices, and, you know, breathing and this sort of thing. And that really started my journey. I Well, actually, even before that, I started, oddly enough, I started selling skincare, you know, like a multi level marketing thing. And entrepreneurialship was really helpful and realising like, Oh, I'm miserable. And there's other options. Right? And so that sparked to be going into the coaching programme, and really digging deeper, I did end up going to therapy, and you know, really started doing all kinds of what I just kind of threw the kitchen sink at, like, whatever I can do. And started doing the Miracle Morning. I don't know if you know about this morning routine, where I'd meditate in journal and you know, all kinds of things, and all of that. But really, it was born out of that misery and all of that pain and recognising that there had to be more. Yeah, beautiful. So would you say it was just kind of this answering a call from your higher self that was like, there's got to be another way or something that was kind of just kept queuing you you couldn't ignore anymore? Absolutely. Yeah. And I love that you mentioned entrepreneurship, because I kind of also threw myself into all the things all at once. Not all at the same time, but there is no better way to really, to really see what's present in your mind. Besides, you know, really challenging yourself with with growing a business and being the deciding factor for for making money and supporting and sustaining yourself. You know, I mean, really ended up coming down to you and your mind, and so many ways. So, yeah, I would love to know a little bit about some of some of the tools. I mean, you mentioned the the Miracle Morning, but what are some of the tools that you You really think have been very transformative for you. I mean, you mentioned the hooping in the Miracle Morning, but what is something that you still do on a daily practice or that you've been do with your clients right now? Mm hmm. Yeah. So personally, I still I still meditate every day still journal. You know, I read a tonne. And, like, like I mentioned, I've cultivated a lot of really deep relationships. And so I feel like those things are really fundamental for me. But the somatic movement, process and practice has been really huge. And then with my clients, what we really look at is, you know, what are the underlying things that are, you know, rather than shaming ourselves for eating the things or you know, feeling like we're numbing with food, or binge eating or something like that. Instead, we look at, like, what's going on underneath the surface, and we get really curious. And I feel like letting go of judgement, and instead getting really, really curious and having this like, well of self compassion, right? Where we're looking at, rather than looking at it as a good, bad or a should, or that we've done anything wrong. Looking at it instead of Okay, what's actually going on here? Like what was happening leading up to this? How am I actually feeling? You know, what do I actually need in this moment, maybe I need to set some boundaries, right? Whatever it is, so that that practice of compassion, curiosity, and letting go of judgement has been the biggest key for me. And I stopped to remind myself, you know, during the fires, things were, you know, so rough here, and I was having a lot of emotional turmoil. And I found myself like, judging myself for having all of these emotions. You know, if I had to get really curious what is going on with me, I'm judging myself, okay, like, oh, that judgement, you know, what's really happening? And I was able to zoom out and give myself some space to feel those feelings and honour my knees. Right. So I think that's the biggest. That's the biggest practice. And the biggest thing that I introduced to my clients, it seems so simple. But I can't tell you how many times so we've come to a session with me and said, Oh, I, you know, quote, fell off the waggon. There's no waggon with intuitive eating. That's not how it works. And, you know, when we really dig into it, it's like, well, you know, they've got some situation that's really painful. And, you know, needs to be they need to be allowed to feel how they feel about it. And they need to be able to honour their needs around it, right. And it has nothing to do with this is food pieces, just to something it's not, it has nothing to do with being good or bad or right or wrong. Mm hmm. Beautiful. Yeah, I love that it's like mean, virtually the same thing that I the same process that I really look at to in my five I called the five essential shifts. But that was how much power you can gain and how much disarming you can do for the emotion itself by simply stating it and, and invalidating it like this, it's okay to feel this way, you know? And then what is the you know, then once you're validating, and that feels Okay, what's the, what is the solution then, and like, I really, I really see this as the evolution of the human species, to be honest with you, is this emotional intimacy piece. Because there's so many things that we're told in our lives that bring us that will make us happy outside of ourselves that do bring us pleasure outside, but it's like that pleasure versus joy. And I think you use that word at the beginning was joy. And, you know, and then to come out fighting to find out that the pleasure is like, so miniscule, and then we're kind of suffering, you know, on the other end of it, and so many more ways. So I wanted to just backtrack a little bit, just about and so you were, how old were you when you went into your inpatient? Gosh, I think I was, I was 16, or 17. And then I did have, you know, a couple episodes right, returned to us. And so, you know, I don't know if you do dates. But you know, if it's helpful for the listeners, I thought, and I've been sober for 22 years. And when I say snowbirds, we know from alcohol and all other substances. I don't, I don't feel that those things are helpful for me at this point in my life. And so I don't really I also don't want anyone to feel that, like, it doesn't count or it's not as valuable or, you know, like, the dates thing or people, you know, rely on other subs, you know, whatever it is, like, I don't have any judgments around that. But I do sometimes think it can be helpful for people to like, it is possible to like, you know, live this lifestyle long term and, and for your recovery, to continue to evolve in a way that really supports what you want, right? Your vision for your life, and it feels really it's so beautiful. It really is. Yeah, it's so beautiful. I'm really glad you mentioned that because I don't work with dates specifically, just because the process in which I work in is about self inquiry and observation and I think there's a lot of value to give to be given to observing a process. I'm drinking and from a different perspective than you've ever looked at it before. So many people gained so much strength from that and just information about the habit. But yeah, I think that the unravelling of it, I was just saying, I don't know if I said this to you, but I will say this today that it's kind of like when you stop drinking, and using substances that are covering up your emotions, almost like after something, you know, there's a heavy rain and stuff starts coming up from, from the soil, and you start finding like stuff in the yard. And it's like, Okay, and then there's like, the, you know, and so if you have the right tools, like, it sounds like you're presenting to your clients, the right tools to say, Okay, these were the things, these were the problems that I was solving for, that I didn't even really know that I had, because stuffs does start to come to the surface surface, instead of it being like, having to just like face, face your fears, you're almost you're just I like to look at it as this process of getting to know yourself, again, for the first time without alcohol. And I don't know, you know, being a little bit younger, I'm not sure if the process was was different for you. But do you feel like you were able to even at that age, like have a shift of perspective? Or do you think that didn't really happen until later when you kind of switched into this? This joy? curiosity model? Yeah, I mean, I think it was, in some ways, it was. In some ways, I definitely had some shifts of, you know, at that point, I remember in treatment they give you like, the sheet of paper that's got all the faces with the feelings. And they would be like, how do you feel I'm like, I don't know, hungry. I couldn't identify right with my feelings at all. And so I don't really feel like I gained some insight and, and things shifted from wanting to seek more of that instantaneous pleasure that you're kind of talking about to wanting to build a life. That felt good, but I didn't, I thought I still thought it was very external. Like, I thought that it meant like going to school and getting a good house. And you know, being a good parent, and you know, these things, instead of it being kind of developing this rich inner life and building that trust with myself. And so some of that shift was really delayed for many years. And because I don't feel like it was really encouraged as much in the, in the kind of 12 step realm and more, there's still a lot part of the reason I left that community is because there's still a lot of shaming language issues. So this idea that you're always broken, that you'll always be, you know, once an addict, always an addict, and even that language alcoholic addict, that that language is shaming. Um, there's actually research around it that is predetermine. So it's interesting. And, you know, no judgement, if somebody identifies with that, and that works for them. I thought it did for me many for many years, but I needed more of that. more of an empowering shift into Yeah, I needed some of that. And then I needed the kind of burnout experience that was kind of the second reign for me, like the storm that you're talking about, um, I needed that. And I needed really to do this work around healing my relationship with food and my body to be empowered to really. Now I really trust myself, and I don't feel like in recovery prior to that, that I had learned to trust myself. I learned more just to be afraid of my, my impulses, right? Instead of trusting my instincts. So Oh, my gosh, I love that so much be afraid of my impulses, instead of trusting my instincts that's going on? What's going on? Yeah, I've actually heard people say, I know someone that I'm close to and a and I'm so glad that they're getting the help that they need. And it's getting them through the day, but saying, you know, I could never not feel shame if I was to drink. And I was Yeah, I was kind of taken aback by that a little bit. I you know, because that's like, definitely the opposite of what I try to support my clients with. And so I can totally see why that would be not bringing you that joy of that self trust, you know, cultivating that. But, um, tell me a little bit about how the how foods showed up for you during or after your recovery. What did that look like? Yeah, yeah, food is an interesting one. I definitely, you know, kind of experience out of the going on diets with my mom when I was a young girl and, you know, learn some of that body shame model from her and from that Diet culture in general. So even from a young age, and then of course, in my was using alcohol and substances, that became kind of the focus for me. And so food kind of faded into the background. And so when I, when I got sober, I think, you know, I started leaning on food more too soon, and really saw that as a shameful thing as like I'm, you know, broken and just an emotional eater, there's something wrong with me. And so I had this kind of binge restrict cycle where I would like, you know, I'd go on a diet, I feel all this self loading around my relationship with food or my body, and then I would go on a diet of one form or another, and then, you know, some sort of restriction, right, and then eventually, I'd break restriction, because turns out that diets don't work. restriction doesn't work. And so then, you know, I would have this pendulum swing, where I would eat in a way that felt that this role, or I would be using food to soothe a lot, and then I would have all of this shame about it. Because at that, you know, by the time it got kind of that extreme, I was a nurse already, um, you know, and then, and then again, became a coach, and I'm a nursing licence and felt like, Man, you know, if people knew, and Terrance was good, it's like health and wellness coach and the nurse, and I'm, you know, eating a whatever, well, I watched Netflix, and so it became really painful to have all of that self loading. And, and I think, leaving 12 step, actually, and recognising the kind of shaming language around that was helpful. Um, this was all kind of happening for me at the same time, and I just had this sense that there had to be another way. And that, like, if I had tried to diet my whole life, like since I was, you know, 12, or 10, or whatever, probably 10. And it never worked. Maybe there wasn't something wrong with me after all right? Like, maybe that just doesn't work. Um, and so finally, I got some outside support, I found a therapist, and who happened to know about intuitive eating, and a, it just blew my mind that, you know, the idea that maybe it was all of these, like, external messages that I've been receiving, and not really me. And so I, at that point, I just, you know, immersed myself in it as much as I could, decided pretty immediately to get trained in it as well, because I knew the scope of it, right. Like, I knew how many women I mean, men too, but how many women were, you know, how much space it was taking up for them mentally and emotionally, how much shame they were having around it, how much you're beating ourselves up about it. And, and I think people in recovery in particular, I actually, you know, I'm running a group programme right now. And it just happens that all the people in the programme are also in recovery, I didn't even know it's the first day, we start introducing ourselves, and they know I'm in recovery. And so that you know that some of them were saying that, and then some of whom were like, I got to go back. Because when I introduced myself, I didn't say that I also recover. And so I know that, you know, while I work with people who aren't in recovery, as well, but I know that, particularly for people in recovery, we're sold this message that we can't trust ourselves, we're broken, we come in feeling this kind of worry, or mistrust of ourselves. And and then, you know, we apply that same mindset to food thinking that there's something wrong with us, and we can't, we can't trust ourselves. So rather than recognising, like, Oh, it's the self loathing, that's the problem. It's the trauma, that's the problem. It's the shame, that's the problem. It's, you know, the feeling that we can't trust ourselves, it's the problem and then building that trust and forgiving ourselves, and, you know, all of that. We, we tend to kind of perpetuate, you know, right, expand that cycle. And so, I wanted to empower people to really trust themselves, because I, you know, you said it before, maybe for recording about that this being like a shift in the world, like a healing of the world or shifting consciousness. And, man, if every, if every woman really felt empowered to trust themselves, well, how would things be different? Yeah. I mean, it would just be such a, it would be such a beautiful, amazing world. I mean, I really think that there's like two models to perspective, perspectives in which we live, which is a fear based model or a model based on unconditional love. And we can move through discomfort with the framework of compassion from a place of love or we can move through discomfort from the place of fear, and that I can't trust what I'm feeling right and so it's it's the only way I can't you know, we, as human beings, I don't believe we have this depth of emotion. For no reason, right? Like I give my clients a sheet of emotion. So we can like, not just, Hey, I'm doing good, I'm doing bad, but like, what's the emotion? What's the sensation in the body, and I have a feeling you probably do some of this work as well. But you know, really recognising that because they're so different and different thoughts create different emotions and different responses. But there's so much wisdom in that. And to be honest, I don't think it's, it was an accident, that this disempowerment through disembodiment is the way of the world because if women were empowered through embodiment, and their intuition, well, pretty much that they would be unstoppable. And you know, just saying, and then there's been all these things introduced to us that there's no red flags around alcohol being okay, you know, diet culture, like, you know, to me, I'm not a conspiracy theorist per se, but like, none of it really seems not. I mean, that's a it was all on purpose. But there is a bigger picture here, if we look at the power strength power model in our current society, right. So that's a little bit of a side note, but, um, talk to me a little bit about embodiment and somatic practices. Because for me, I mean, I, I know you're talking about self trust, and in this, like, self loading model, but really, the act of food for comfort and alcohol for comfort, essentially, or not feeling is dissociation, dissociation or, you know, disembodiment to so how do you? Yeah, how do you look at that with your clients? Yeah, you know, it's interesting, because, absolutely, you know, we we choose to sue the nun with all kinds of, you know, substances, behaviours, you know, all of that. And food. And I do tread lightly here, because food is, a lot of times people think of food as, you know, addictive in the same way. And it really isn't, it doesn't hijack our neurobiology the same way, right. And so the cool thing is that we can really stay with ourselves even through like a binge episode in a way that we can't necessarily when we're using alcohol and other substances. Yeah, but it does, um, you know, it is there's a reason that we tend to go for that, right. And it is meant to be comforting, and it's meant to be joyful and pleasurable, right. But if you're needing to lean on food to food all the time, there's, there's something else going on. So we got to address that underlying theme. And for me, looking at you, we're talking about like the sensations, right, and so there's a method called the Rhian body method that I become trained in, and what we do is we really look at the sensations happening in their body in the body, and we don't try to change them, we instead really honour them and give space to them, carry them with us. Um, and it's interesting, because it just kicked me. Um, and so it's interesting, he's, he's was just startled, he's alright. Because we actually, you were talking about, like, the way that we were reading evolve, right? And how we were meant to be and that we're meant to feel all of these things. And absolutely these, you know, we buy, we think that it's important to shut down these sensations or it's better somehow to shut them down. It's, that's absolutely like a, you know, top down cultural thing, but even things like hunger and fullness signals, you know, enjoying the sensations of enjoying food, you know, like all the pleasurable pieces of it smells, and taste and texture and all of that. But really, what I'm looking for is a connection to visceral sensations, because those the visceral sensations actually happen first, and then they tell our brain what to think, right? Or what to do, how to respond. So if you think about, there was a time where I was at a Halloween coming up, I was at a haunted house, we went through the whole haunted house, and it was particularly good one for a lot of reasons. And we get to the end, and they start up a chainsaw. And I just ran. I just, I didn't have a thought I just ran away. Such a beautiful thing to experience because I felt a very strong visceral sensation, and then I just ran, right. And so there was no like, thought process or any of that. Now, that's a great system, right? Like we, we need all of those instincts. And so if we're having visceral sensation, a lot of times you know, that's sending those along. Are imbalanced to our brain. And if we're just trying to push it down or suppress it, or numb, you know, or, or whatever it is, like calm our nervous system, but these alarm bells are going off, right? Then there's gonna be this like this disconnect and we're gonna have to disassociate right to do that to not listen to those alarm bells. Unfortunately, a lot of times the alarm bells are around things like for me, was like, I had to leave my job ultimately, right. And I was really fortunate, I was able to do it in a transition type way. And I was, I found what I really wanted to be doing, but I was going to be pretty miserable in that role, no matter what I did, because there they were asking me to do more work than was really possible, right. And so my body is sending me these alarm bells like this is literally killing us, right, I developed an autoimmune condition like all of these things. So yeah, so the good news is that you know, where we can embrace it. And there's a lot of tools out there and we can honour the we can kind of hone in and honour those stations, the bad news is that a lot of times we, in order to continue to honour what our body's telling us, we have to do things, we have to do hard things, right. So yeah, so that's really the somatic process. There's also actual movement involved, and I do food thing, and I walk and you know, I think movement is really important in in it as well to kind of work through some of the trauma. But first starts with really looking at those visceral, yeah, stations and embracing them. Yeah, recognising the cues. Well, I'm really glad that you were honouring your body. And that's something you know, that I really emphasise, in paying attention to, I mean, even in the coaching world, and you know, I haven't worked with every alcohol coach, but, you know, I encourage my clients and my listeners to to just get familiar with their own personal cycles, their monthly cycles, because that is happening. It's, you know, can be consistent, and to notice when there's fluctuations just to notice, what does it look like for a month? What is my, you know, the typical emotion, the general emotion that I have for that day, and the sensations associated with that. And I think that that can start to really be empowered, because that is your own body. And it's not even like delivery from the outside world. And then what happened that day that maybe made that normal, what would be normal, or typical, a little bit different? I'm really glad that you brought up the difference between utilising food and utilising alcohol as different because I do think it's so important to look at that not that they both can't be that they're both coping mechanisms, but that there is a net, you know, food is supportive of our living where alcohol is not, yeah, there is an acquired, you have to, there is an acquired experience for alcohol, like you're not born does needing alcohol, but like when a baby drinks, its mother's milk. That's a natural thing. And the milk is very sweet. And there's sugar involved, right? So I do think that that's a really important distinction to look at is that like, we need food to survive, but we don't need alcohol to survive. So how can you, you know, make sure you have a healthy relationship with what we are supposed to have as human beings rather than this other thing that's a concentrated rewarded, not really suitable for human consumption, essentially. So thank you for bringing that up. What would you say right now is your big Why in the world for just for for yourself, really, for continuing to show up to do to do this work for yourself? And yeah. Yeah, I would say my big Why is kind of that going back to women being empowered, and what kind of changes we could see in the world and also, you know, men, you know, really empowering anyone to honour, you know, the sensations happening in their body, what they know to be true. Their intuition, you know, their truth, I think Glennon Doyle says, how she says something about sitting in your truth or something, you know, beautiful like that. But this idea that I, for example, I belong to a business coaching community, and there's been a lot of change around social justice in that community. And so I spoke up about, you know, feeling like that culture was still pretty rampant in the community and I was able to have a conversation with the leader of this community about you know, how how harmful that can be. And, you know, she talked about people will come up after she addresses like a couple hundred people and gives this like, incredible talk about business and about leadership and all of these things, and then people will come up to her and like, comment on her body size. Like, how, how ridiculous is that, that we are so focused on appearance that we would discount, you know, someone's leadership in that way. And so, I I want to, I want to help change that culture that, you know, women, that it's not about our appearance, and really, that our value and our worth has nothing to do with that. And, and really empower us all to to stand in our truth to believe our you know, our intuition, right. So, rather than having like an external roadmap, instead having that internal compass, and what kind of change we could really make, and how, if we stop, yeah, I just see the scope of how much it has impacted, because we stopped trying to restrict ourselves all the time. Like, if we just got if we just ate enough food. You know, we were all just like well nourished and not thinking about food in our body all the time, like, what could we do? Right? How powerful would that be? And so, I so my, as I aspire to be a leader in that way to show up in a way that is honouring of my intuition. And that, you know, acknowledges my value and my worth as being constant and inherent and non negotiable. And in from that place of self love and self acceptance and standing in my truth, I can, you know, have that much more of an impact in the world. Yeah, wow, that's so beautiful. And you're doing it and it's just like, it's one. It's one mind at a time, one body at a time, one heart at a time, you know, and then that, I believe that that message that impact is cyclical and generational, right? Like we make the most impact when we can then support be the, you know, we can kind of break the cycle of math through awareness. And that's so much of what it is it's just growing awareness to know that this stuff lives in our subconscious generationally probably lives in our DNA, really, that, you know, we don't even some some of these thoughts, we don't even we just think that they're true, we just value them as fat. And so yes, so important to bring that awareness of, you know, how do we know this to be true about the way that we're supposed to look or be and so I'm just thank you, for all the work you're doing. It's amazing, I'm just so glad that we got to talk because I, I'm right there with you, I believe in it, the intuitive piece of it has been a power taken from us. And it really is the power and privilege privilege and pleasure that it is to be a woman that is our deep like gift in offering to this world. And that we don't have to we can be powerful in our own way and we don't have to do it in the same way that men do it necessarily or be powerful in a masculine way we can do it with a balanced way and or lead with feminine qualities. Um, you know, and and bring, invite both in. What is something that you? What is something that you believe now, that was that you never would have believed before your journey? Yeah, I guess I can trust myself. Beautiful, I am trustworthy. That's such a beautiful thought. And a beautiful belief. What would you say to someone who's starting out on their journey of self discovery, I guess whether it's through alcohol or their relationship with with food, and intuitive eating, I would say almost makes me feel emotional. I would say give yourself 1000 times more grace than you think that you deserve. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that. It's so true to. And I finally wanted to ask you, how can our listeners find out more about your work and come and work with you and find out about intuitive eating I'm definitely interested. And every time I have a guest that I'm like, the next I'm like in the next programme. Um, yeah, thank you so much. So my website is coached at mi rn.com I am currently running a group I'm planning to run another group coming up. But I do also work with clients privately one on one. And what else? Yeah, I would be happy to offer the listeners a free find peace with food session. And, you know, my goal is really to support like, like we talked about really support that empowerment. And so whether that be working with me or you know, just at least getting on the kind of discovery path. Yeah, I, I feel like anyone who starts to embody this. Like, the more it's just like, I just start seeing it as like this ripple effect. Right. And so I'm definitely up for supporting in whatever way I can. Um, beautiful. Thank you for that. Yeah. And we'll make sure everyone has all of your info. I did want to ask you just before we get off, what is the group look like? Like, what is the framework of that? And what is it called and everything? Yeah, so it's a piece with food group coaching. And we have a 12 week programme, where I have an online course. So they kind of watched the modules. And then each of the modules intuitive eating has 10 principles. And so each of the modules is kind of based on one of the principles. And then we just have group discussion weekly, all together live on zoom. And that's, that's been so wonderful. I just so enjoyed a women that are in there so incredible. And yeah, it's a really beautiful way to learn. Because it's, you know, there's they've got the coursework, and then all coming together and really hearing each other's experiences makes a huge difference. And then each of the participants, either they work with me privately, or they have on an ongoing basis, or they have like a set number of sessions privately with me, that comes with the, the involvement in the group. So that way, you know, a lot of times we need to dig into, like childhood experiences, or kind of deeper shame, or self forgiveness work, blind spots, that kind of thing. So, Mm hmm. Beautiful. That sounds lovely. Well, Tiffany, thank you so much for being here. I know that there is going to be so much value that our listeners are going to get from this today. And I'm just excited for your journey and for all your work in the world. And I'm excited to be with you again. Yes. Oh my gosh, that was so great. Yes, I definitely would love that. And I'm so happy for our friends, Laura asman. Having introduced us. And, you know, there's just something so joyful about hoo hoo thing, right? It's so much. It's a and it's just for me. There's for no other reason, then for me and my feeding my soul. I love that. I know, I taught the listeners have heard me talk about hula hooping a lot on the show. And it really is I'm doing and this is okay, if this is like our little Extended Side note. I'm doing what her class is meditation and movement with the hoop. I think it's what she's calling it. So it's kind of because I also started doing conscious dance and like ecstatic dance at the same time, I like started hula hooping, and that when I stepped onto that dance floor at 1030, in the morning, sober and I was just like, broke open, because I've always loved dance. I've always loved music and rhythm, and that pulse of life moving through me, but it was always like, stolen essentially, you know, in some way. And I stepped down to that conscious dance floor and I was just like, I just felt like I welcome to myself home like I will never forget that moment. I went by myself and and so the this class in particular, is a little bit of that. But then like, with the hoop as you know, we're not really doing tricks or anything like that. It's just like the hoop is this supportive other kind of, though, it's really beautiful. And I had this we just had our first class and I stepped in I we were like, blindfolded, and they had this experience of like, kind of like how quote unquote, like, if my dad saw me right now he would think this was really weird. You know, what's really weird, is that we have we don't know our bodies we are being intimate with ourselves in any level is we're embarrassed of it or to touch yourself to give yourself a hug is a thing and I'm just like, that's what's weird. Like, how can we walk around in these beautiful vessels and just like, weak in skins be so shameful of them and not know even what they're telling us? And it's like, no more. You know, I mean, that's really and it's just so much empowerment and and then it doesn't It's like then life can be a little bit lighter to I feel like where it's like, Why so serious all the time like this is we're supposed to be having joy, right? And oh, yes, yes, go get it. Maybe I'll see you on the dance floor or you know, we'll do another. We'll do another practice. Once we can all gather again, I'm out in Rhododendron or again. So I'm gonna plan on having people out here once it's probably next year sometime now at this point in the season, but I know Laura and I will work together get and maybe we can do something in the future be awesome. Yeah, that sounds incredible. Wow. Thank you so much for chatting today. Yes, me too. Thank you so much for being here for being here. And thank you to our listeners for being here. Have a wonderful day. If you are loving this podcast and thinking about what it would take to start the process of getting alcohol out of your way. I want to invite you to check out my one on one coaching mentorship. It's your opportunity to apply these tools and a new framework to how you live your life. To get the results you want most to stop drinking without pain, to trust yourself again and honour your future from a place of possibility. It takes the guesswork out of the how it meets you where you are at in this moment. Together, we will walk through the threshold of the next phase of your life. Follow the link in the show notes to schedule a time to talk or on my website. Mary Wagstaff coach calm I can't wait to connect