Founder of My Sober Girl Friends, Naomi Veak, shares her beautiful journey of self discover and the joys of sobriety on the other side of a long term addiction with Pot and Alcohol. She speaks to finding the path that works for you and questioning, why do we have the need to alter the beauty of this life. It takes a simple shift of slowing down and being with what is. Approaching life from a new and different pace, to find the natural wonders and joys from this gift of life.
Find more out about Naomi and My Sober Girl Friends Virtual Friendship Gatherings
https://www.mysobergirlfriends.com/
https://www.instagram.com/mysobergirlfriends/
To get started on the process of getting alcohol out of your way, schedule a private call with Mary: CLICK HERE
Thank you for heading to Apple Podcast To Drop a 5 Star Review and What You LOVE about the show! Your presence means so much to me.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Founder of My Sober Girl Friends, Naomi Veak, shares her beautiful journey of self discover and the joys of sobriety on the other side of a long term addiction with Pot and Alcohol. She speaks to finding the path that works for you and questioning, why do we have the need to alter the beauty of this life. It takes a simple shift of slowing down and being with what is. Approaching life from a new and different pace, to find the natural wonders and joys from this gift of life.
Find more out about Naomi and My Sober Girl Friends Virtual Friendship Gatherings
https://www.mysobergirlfriends.com/
https://www.instagram.com/mysobergirlfriends/
To get started on the process of getting alcohol out of your way, schedule a private call with Mary: CLICK HERE
Thank you for heading to Apple Podcast To Drop a 5 Star Review and What You LOVE about the show! Your presence means so much to me.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Transform your relationship with alcohol by focusing on yourself. Discover how to fulfill your needs without alcohol's help. Understand your body's signals, leverage your emotions, and expand your desires for real, lasting pleasure.
Join "The Naturally Sober Woman" self-study course, where you'll learn everything I teach my clients in a compact, affordable, lifetime access package.
Welcome, welcome. My name is Mary Wagstaff. I am a holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help women just like you from around the world do the same with my one on one private coaching program. In this podcast, we will explore my revolutionary approach to getting alcohol out of your way that breaks all the rules, life enhancing tools that make not drinking exciting and joyful, and profound and sacred journey that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. The show is not a substitution for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. So please talk to a medical professional if your alcohol consumption is at risk to your mental or physical health. Now on with the show. Hello, my beautiful listeners. It's Mary Wagstaff, thank you, again, so much for being here. And for your active participation in this process. I couldn't do it without you. And I'm just so thrilled that we're stepping into really a new paradigm together of the way in which we're taking this human experience to see life from a new perspective. And one of the things that I love to do, I probably talked about it on the show is I really love to kind of sit and think about the vastness of space. And all of that which we don't know that outside of our own solar system, there is so many other galaxies and just planetary and, you know, universal phenomenon that the human brain can't even conceptualize, we can't even process it, because it's outside of anything that we've ever known. And what this does for me is it really anchors in the belief for me that anything is possible. And that on the spectrum of, you know, the the life of the earth, human beings have been alive for such a short amount of time. So we are still unraveling our story. So to really just take that and pause and, and reflect. It's like, What don't we know, we have figured out so many things using the human brain and technology and science. But there's so much more beyond that. And you've experienced a miracle in your life, you've thought of something in one way, and you simply had a shift of perspective. And it created a whole new reality for you. And that is what's possible for you with alcohol as well, where where something once seemed like a struggle and a need and a necessity, because it was a habit can become an easeful shift, and a graceful shift and a welcome shift. Until someday, the desire just simply won't be there anymore. And that is possible. And right now, the idea of not desiring alcohol could also be a little bit scary to you. But it doesn't mean you can't work towards having a more joyful life experiencing long term joy and satisfaction over these short term bouts of pleasure. And before we jump into the interview, which I'm super excited about, Naomi has just a beautiful story in such an amazing contribution to life. And we really resonate with the process of changing your relationship to alcohol in a similar way. I wanted to remind you about registering for my new monthly offering, that I'm offering to my community to you to this group, and to my subscribers, and my email is this live q&a coaching, the concepts will come directly from the podcast. So you'll already have an idea about, you know what I'm going to be talking about, but the questions don't need to come specifically from that. So it can be anything, any struggle, anything you're facing around alcohol, bring it to the it'll be a webinar style format that's completely confidential. So you will just be typing in to me directly, no one else will see it, no one will have to see you or anything like that. And so just know that you'll be held in a really safe space to start to explore some of these thoughts that you know, you may have never shared with anyone. And that's what's so really wonderful and magical about coaching is once we start to say the things out loud, that if only we've only been rumbling around in our own brain, they start to lose their power and we start to see them in a new way where they really felt true and anchored and like unchangeable, or we start to see like Oh, actually maybe that's really not a problem, especially when we're Diving into questions deeper for for more curiosity, more exploration becomes a really welcomed process like what else Don't I know. And so this is really an awesome opportunity, it's completely free to you, once you register, you'll be on the notifications of the monthly live. So they will be the last Sunday of every month at 11am. Pacific time, and you will just sign right in to a link that's to zoom, you don't even have to have a zoom account, you can do it from your phone, or from your laptop. And you it'll be an hour long, you can prepare a question or something that you have questions about from the show or for your own life. And you can also be present for the inquiries that other people have. Because what I know about the human brain and about coaching is that even though our lives look different, the human condition is the same. So we struggle with things in the same way if it's not the the specific instance. So we kind of all search for validation outside of ourselves, we all search for, you know more meaning and understanding of how to, to live this life. But the invitation is to show up as you as you are completely free of judgment. And there's no one else gonna be there to say anything or to see you besides you know me and just the little text box. You can even change your name and it'll be completely confidential. So I wanted to make sure you knew about that the scheduling or the link to register is in the show notes, as well as the scheduling link to have a private call with me where I will guide you through my three shift process to start to interrupt cravings and do some more emotional processing in joy the show and I can't wait to connect. Welcome back my beautiful listeners. Thank you so much for being here for another episode of stop drinking and start living. It's Mary Wagstaff. I am so thrilled to have another beautiful inspired interview today on the show for you. We've actually been trying to kind of work this one out for a little while. So I wanted to welcome to the show today. Naomi veeck. Naomi, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Mary. Granny here. So tell us a little bit about how you're spending your days currently. I know in this time and space, probably a little bit different than how you have in the past. But tell our listeners about Yeah, what you're up to. Yes, that is a great question, Mary. We are living in the time of COVID. And as many people I think I'm in a liminal space right now. So yeah, I'm still really trying to figure out what I'm doing day by day. But I'll tell you why. Like a lot of people I was laid off as a COVID, COVID related layoff over three months ago, shortly after that my mom needed some help out in Wyoming. And so my husband and I went out to Wyoming, which is where I grew up. And we spent about two and a half months there with her. And then we've been back in our house now for just a couple of weeks. And so I'm I've been trying to figure out what do I do on a on a daily basis. So I've been sticking to my routines, you know, getting up early and doing all my morning routines that I do, and I have some different projects that I'm working on. One of them. My biggest project that I'm super excited about is the friendship community that I have started. It's been going for a few months called my sober girlfriends. So I work on that I've got learning how to play the ukulele. I've got lots of books I'm reading. And so, but yeah, I'm in that space where I'm just trying to figure out Yeah, what is my routine right now? Yeah, well, what a beautiful opportunity to kind of I mean, as long as you know, your needs are being met and everything, but it sounds like you're staying inspired. So that's awesome. salutely Absolutely. And we'll definitely circle back around to my sober girlfriends, so everyone can be inspired and hear about that a little bit later on. So I would love for you to just dive in about your your story around alcohol and when you started drinking and why and how that all looked. Sure. So I started drinking like a lot of people in high school. But what was different for me is that the when I very first started drinking, it was right after my family had made a huge, huge change which was that We had been Jehovah's Witnesses, and we had just left the religion. So my whole immediate family, we all left the church. And it was a huge transition. Because before that I was not allowed to have any friends outside of the church. And it was a very small congregation. So I had spent the first you know, 15 years of my life with the same 70 people. They were the only people I was really supposed to be friends with. And so when I was 15, was when my family left the church. That was also when I got my first job. And one of my very first experiences drinking was actually at work, because the owner of the place where I worked, it was he was a his name was he called himself fat Ed, it was at Ed's cafe. He was an alcoholic, and he drank at work while he was cooking on the line. One of the things that he trained me to do, so I'm a 15 year old waitress, you know, this is my first job. And he trained me to mix drinks for him, that I and to bring him while he was cooking on the line. And so he showed me Okay, this is what I do want to ask you for a Pepsi, what I mean is this. And so he brought me to the back and showed me this is how you fill up an iced tea cup to the top with ice cubes. This is how much whiskey you put in it topped off with Pepsi surge around six jhana. You know, give it to me. So of course, not too long. After that, I thought, well, maybe I should try one of these. So that was one of my first time times drinking was at work. And yeah, I did, of course, I got drunk, he figured out what happened, he put me to sleep in his office with a fan on me so that my mom could come pick me up several hours later at the end of my shift, and we'd have no idea what happened. But um, so when I started drinking, at that point, it was me trying to show that, hey, I, I am a different person. Now. You know, like I was, I was witness, I was this person who was completely different from everyone else, not able to celebrate holidays. I also had always felt very different from everyone because I was so I was doing really well academically. I was one of those people that got almost perfect scores on the state tests that you have each each year. And I just felt I had always felt different from everyone else. And so for me to be able to start drinking when people would, you know, would offer offer something to drink. That was the way that I felt like I was showing to them, like proving to them that I was you know, kind of quote unquote, a normal teenager. Did you know about alcohol when you were What did you know about alcohol and the Jehovah Witness community? We didn't really talk about it that much it was mentioned. I mean, it's you know, we studied the Bible a lot. So it was it's definitely it's in the Bible. There's wine is in the Bible. But I I would say I mostly associated it with being, you know, quote unquote, bad, I would say because they talk about drunkenness in there. But really, we we didn't talk about it. We didn't really talk about it that much. And I didn't know people. Or I didn't think I knew people that had an alcohol problem. It turns out that my dad was actually secretly drinking but I had no idea at the time. So that was one of the reasons why the family I'll quit the religion was because he had, he went into a treatment center for a month. And while he was in there, he decided that he was going to quit being a Jehovah's Witness. And he told us that we were all allowed to quit if we wanted to. So but he was very secretive about the whole like we he didn't talk about his drinking. My mom didn't talk about it. So it was really something that Yeah, I didn't really know that much about got it. So as you so you started drinking you kind of because you were like okay, I'm a normal kid. Now I'm out and about and then and then how did that progress into adulthood? Um, so I I continue to drink in college. It was once again it was a point of concern. action that I felt like I had with other people. When I went to college, I felt once again felt like I was different from everyone else, because I went to a private liberal arts college where everyone else had a lot of money. And we were poor. I mean, I spent most of my family time growing up living in a single wide trailer. So it was very different being a college with people who were, you know, driving nice cars, and they had their parents credit card to just go out to eat and do whatever they wanted. So it was for me, it was a point of connection, once again, trying to show like, Hey, I can be just like everyone else, you know, make a fun party girl. And it sort of took a turn for the worse after my father died while I was in college, he died, suddenly, it was probably a suicide. And the year after that was when alcohol and pot because I had been smoking started smoking marijuana was when I was in high school as well. But that's, that's really when it took a turn for the worse, I would say, and it was the first time that I would start drinking alone, occasionally. Um, so, you know, it's something that kind of often on through the years, I mean, I, once I went to graduate school and got a career as a teacher, I, I was very aware of how alcohol affected me mentally and emotionally. It was my job was really, it was really important to me to do a good job with the kids. And so I had a lot of rules for myself, at that time, I would get wasted on the weekend, I would get high as soon as I could, after I got off work on Friday night, it was like straight to the beer straight to the pot. And, you know, I had a rule of when I had to quit, depending on how much work I had to do to get ready for school on Sunday. But it was one of those things where it's kind of started just kind of creeping up on you, you know, as like little by little things were getting worse and worse. Yeah, so at that point, were you did you know why you were drinking? I mean, did it feel like your release at the end of the week? I mean, if you were aware of the effects of it during the week, or did you think it kind of like your party time? It was? Yeah, that's a good question of, I mean, I definitely the glasses of wine, the glasses of wine during the week, you know, because I would have, I would still have one to two glasses of wine every night after dinner. And that I definitely felt like the way the only way that I knew to relax and decompress from the day. On the weekend, it felt like I was trying to be my old self like my old party self. Because I hadn't gone straight into teaching. I had spent some time after college, working up at a ski resort and waiting tables where I was partying a lot. I was snowboarding and I was surfing and I was drinking and I was getting high that was like those are my four main activities. So when I was when I was getting, I don't know if we can swear on this podcast, but it was when I was getting messed up on the weekends. That was when I really I felt like okay, this is who I really am. Right? Yeah. So when do you think when you what really kind of took a turn for you, when you realize this, this road of just yet normal? You know, it's like it does it seems like this is like a normal, this is the normal thing, right? This is who I am and when did that when did it start to become aware to you that there was a crack in the crack and the light was coming through that this just this has got to be a different way. I had a friend who had quit, um, who had quit drinking and, and smoking pot. She also smoked a lot of pot with me. She had quit and she had joined a and she had she tried to have an intervention with me where she met with me and she was trying to explain to me that she thought I had a problem and that I should join a I was completely resistant to that I did not like the idea at all. It felt very threatening to me. Mm hmm. I decided at that point that I was going to try for The first time ever to have like a big break. So I did go on a, I think about a six week break, we actually got rid of all of the alcohol in the house. So I gave all that all the alcohol to our next door neighbors. And I got rid of the pot in the house. And I did not smoke or drink for about six weeks. But I was just waiting for it to be over during that time. You know, I was just waiting because we were going to be going to Turkey after that for my brother's wedding. And so I thought, as soon as we go to Turkey, then I'll be able to drink, which is kind of ironic, because it's a Muslim country, it would have been a very easy country to not drink in. But that was my plan. Which of course looking back now, I wish I had not done that. But that was the first time that I that I thought, well, I'm just going to test it out. And so I tested it out. And I thought okay, well I could do it. I went with I went six weeks, I must be fine. But it was just it. So it was probably about six years later that it really I just started I felt myself getting more and more and more. Just down and just pull down, just pull down and depressed feeling. And I remember there was this moment where I went for a run with my husband because I like to trail run. So this entire time I'm still like I'm exercising, I'm doing really well at my job, you know, I'm eating healthy. Like from the outside appearances. I looked great looks like everything was fantastic. And it was probably either Saturday or Sunday morning. And we were going for a trail run. And I just got this overwhelming feeling that I couldn't even run like I could barely even move my feet. And I just felt like I physically felt horrible. I didn't know what was I emotionally felt horrible. I was in this horrible mood. And I just thought What is wrong with me it was this beautiful day. No, the sun was shining. And the birds were chirping. It was just like everything. Everything that should have been right in the world felt horrible to me. I couldn't even enjoy it. And I thought what is wrong with me that I cannot enjoy this beautiful trail run? Like there is something seriously wrong. Yeah, I know that. The sun is shining. And it's like your worst enemy at the time or something, you know. And so what happened after that? I I'm not, I think it just started kind of mulling over. I had it in my mind, I had just kind of mulling over in my mind. And it was also a friend of mine had told me it was at this little women's trip to the beach that I'd had with with her and a couple other women. And she was telling me about this idea that she had had years ago about going for one year without alcohol just to see if it had a positive impact on her life. And she was saying, you know, at the end of the year, I would then ask myself, is my life better? Or is my life worse? Or is it the same? And if there was no change, then I go back to drinking and you know, of course with my life and improve that she would have to decide from there what she was going to do? Well, she had never actually done it. But the fact that she said it just planted that seed in my mind. And so it was after one of those three day weekends that I had where, you know, I'm posting on Instagram pictures of myself surfing, you know, it looks great. Like we're at the beach, and it looks all happy and everything but I was not happy. I was I was drinking I was getting high. I was feeling like I was uh, I was it was feeling depressing. It was it was depressing. Even though once again, I was having this amazing, I should have been having this amazing experience. And at the end of that three day weekend, when I woke up that next morning, I mean, I have my journal entry I didn't I had not been journaling before that but for some reason I decided that morning I got up and I wrote a journal entry about how it felt like I had a sack of wet cement inside of my head. And I didn't want to feel like that anymore. So I just decided this is it. This isn't the beginning of my one year without alcohol. Yeah. That's so beautiful and paint such a beautiful picture do what it sounds like is there as just you could really feel that I did that an alignment between you know what you loved so much part of your life that you loved. And then this thing that was now really robbing you of that flow. experience that never needed alteration. Absolutely necking with nature and, and then there's like, I've been kind of toying with this, I just did an episode about nostalgia, the difference between nostalgia and remembrance. It's like nostalgia has this like fear based, like longing. And then there's this deeper remembrance of who you are connected in this more beautiful way to the bigger picture. And it sounds like you kind of had this, this moment of coming home to yourself. It just sounds really beautiful the way you described it. So um, so tell me a little bit about then that year, what was what was that like for you? Because I love the idea of thinking about it as kind of an experiment. Like, you know, I always say one of my thoughts was, I know what my life looks like with alcohol. So what's possible without it, I know, it's always there, you know, what's possible on the other side? And it kind of sounds like that was a little bit of that one year approach. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it was like, that's what and that's what I kept telling myself too, is I know what it's like to drink, I can always go back and do that. Yeah. And, of course, I was not just I didn't stop just alcohol, I also stopped smoking pot, I had to stop both at once, because they served the same purpose, like both of them were, you know, was to numb out. So I had to, I wanted to stop both at once to really do this as a good experiment. So I, I don't even know how I knew how to do this. It feels like a miracle now. But I somehow I knew that I needed to change a whole bunch of things in my life if I was going to make this work. And so I started right away with the morning routines, which I had not had before, which every morning I got up, I started meditating, which I had not had a meditation practice before that. But I start, I would meditate, I would journal. And then I found some, there were a few people at work that I knew didn't drink. And I told them that I was doing this year experiment. And so I kind of got them on my side, they were my little cheerleading team, which was super helpful, super helpful to have them. Yeah. And then the other part, of course, was the evening because that's where the, that's where the drinking usually happens. And so in the evening, I also had a whole wine down bedtime routine, where I found this specific music that I would listen to you every single night, you know, I started, I had started going to the library, going to the Self Help section, and I would just pull books out of there. So I had some really inspiring kind of reading that I was doing. And I had a, you know, a specific hot drink that I would have every evening. And so I had this whole routine that I knew I needed to have in the morning, and then in the evening. And what's surprising what I thought, though, was really surprising was that I still so you know, I still I didn't fully believe it. Right? I still I was I was doing it. It was feeling pretty good. But parts of me I wanted, I was bargaining with myself, you know, like, well, maybe, maybe you only don't drink when you're in the United States. And maybe if you took a trip outside of the United States, then maybe you do drink. You know, it's like at this point, my brother was living in Spain. And I was like, Well, if I go to Spain and visit him, I'd have to drink some wine. Then I was thinking but Naomi, you live in the Pacific Northwest, why wouldn't you have to drink wine here? Of course, that doesn't make sense. So I'm having all these little arguments with with myself, you know, trying to, you know, kind of slipping back into that same mental pattern of, you know, trying to figure out some kinds of rules and stuff. And I realized that's what I was doing, but I was still doing it. And then I had signed up for this online finance, personal finance class. And it was when I was taking this finance class. There was a section in there that was talking about how the reason why we should care so much about what we're doing with our money is because our money represented the hours of our life that we had spent earning that money. And that of course, we should value we value the hours of our life, therefore you should value the money. And I read that and I was thinking, I'm supposed to value the hours of my life. And it was this. It was this epiphany. I realized I had not been valuing the hours of my life, and I thought how, how can that be? How can I have gone through my life not valuing this, this precious thing, you know, and it was saying like, this is the most precious thing that we have, and in our life is time. Mm hmm. And I was just, I was blown away by that. So there was that. And then the second thing was when I did a values exercise, and I went through this whole exercise, and I wrote down my values. And I sat there looking at my values. Because I'd never done that before, I had never taken a moment to even think about what my values were. And I was looking at this list of values, and I remember distinctly, the feeling of just chills going down my spine. Because I thought, if this, if these are truly my values, I can never drink or smoke pot again. I don't want to, um, yes, oh, my gosh, hmm. I'm so glad that you brought that up, because that is actually something I did as well. And I have my clients do and I call it a life intention is to see the stark contrast between you know, because we do have this cognitive dissonance, right? There's that old habit and that patterning in your brain. And that's all that is trying to do those objections. It's like, no, let's go back to the way things were when it was eat, when we knew it was easier, right? When the brain was getting from A to drinking, like it wants to, but when you see those values, and you're like, I don't actually alcohol, you know, and mind altering things, like, negate everything, they negate all of it. So yeah, that's amazing. And it's, it's interesting, because we were talking about, you know, ritual right before, and I kind of wanted to ask you this, um, you were saying, you know, you were establishing these new routines did these new routines take on? Because it sounds to me like they were your new rituals, you know, and they're, I feel like, there is that little bit of like, the difference of like, what they mean to you. So when you're kind of setting yourself up and putting yourself in this, like, the intention behind it? Was for your growth was for your highest good. So do you think that these like routines that you established, do you think that they had a different intention than like, then routines did before? Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, routines that I had before would be things like, exercising so that my body, you know, looked good? Yeah, you know, like, that kind of thing. But these routines, these were absolutely the most meaningful rituals I had ever had in my life. And I knew it, I could, you know, I felt it when I was when I would get up every morning, and I would go and I would sit down and, you know, start my journaling, or, you know, sometimes I would read a couple pages out of a, one of my books that I was reading, and then do some journaling, and then some drying and I, I mean, I could just feel I could feel what was happening to me, to my mind to my spirit. And, you know, use the other one of the things that you talk about in your, in your podcast, as well, as you talk about it being a path to a spiritual awakening. And I was absolutely, absolutely that was happening at the same time. That was part of it. Yeah, that's so beautiful. And, you know, it's like this, it's really, what I like to say is like, it's not something anymore, that's a checkbox on your to do list, right? It's this self inquiry, this exploration, this, this awakening of all of those beautiful parts of who you are, the alcohol was covering up. You know, and one thing I wanted to, I wanted to ask you, because I felt like this was resonant with me and I think it's resonant with a lot of people is like, you're talking about, you know, kind of numbing out and how hot and alcohol we're doing the same thing. Now, you know, in my experience, it was like, I didn't intentionally know that I was covering up my emotions. And I was I didn't know that that's what I was doing, unless there was like, a lot of stress. And I was like, Oh, I want to need a glass of wine for the stress. But like, most of it kind of felt like a party. You know, fun for the most part, you know, until it wasn't but like, I just there's like this distinction too, because you're regardless, you are still numbing out like whether it's showing up more confidently, you know, having fun with just being being where you are like there is always some emotion even if it looks positive and that you are numbing to find greater comfort. But sometimes you don't realize it in the moment, you know what I mean? Would you say that, that that was something that was happening for you, like you weren't into necessarily intentionally numbing out negative emotion? Or do you think it was a little bit of both? Yes, you know, I think that one reason why we don't realize that's happening is because you, it almost feels like, like, I feel like I wasn't able to fully feel my emotions because of having those chemicals residually in your system for so long, right? You don't even really feel the emotions anymore. Like you don't, you don't fully feel them. And so, you know, even so say if I, if I went for this was one of the things that was driving me crazy, too, that I had started realizing when I was when I was drinking and smoking is that say, if I went on a hike, once again, I would go on a hike, it would be this beautiful, beautiful experience, or it should have been, once again, should have been a beautiful experience, I was in a beautiful area, you know, maybe with, you know, with people I cared about or maybe by myself, but towards the end of the hike, I would start thinking about, like having a drink at the end. Like if you had if I had like a beer back in the car, I'd start thinking about the beer back in the car. And I couldn't, I couldn't just be where I was, and just experience the things that I really purportedly wanted to experience because like, Why else was I going out there? Why was I going out into nature, if not to have this transcend, you know, transcendental, transcendental, trans. And you know what I'm trying to say it transcendental sort of experience. Yeah, um, or what was would be even worse to is when I'd feel like I had to smoke before I even started the hike. Like, I have to, I have to smoke pot, I have to be high in order to enjoy nature. What that's there's something seriously wrong with that. Because nature is inherently one of the most, you know, amazing, enlightening places any of us can be so yeah, yeah. And so I think what happens, you know, for so many people is like, you start when it's younger, and it seems very innocent, and it's kind of to fit in it is to cover up emotion in a way. And then the habit is strong and present, before you even realize it. So you know, what I say is, you know, when you, when you change your relationship to alcohol, you know, there's like, all of these problems that you were kind of covering up that you didn't really know were there, because you were just so used to using alcohol, to solve for everything, like it was just always present. And so when you and I would love for you to talk about this a little bit, when you during that first year, and since then, yeah, how have things been and how I mean, I know emotions start to come alive, and you start to feel so much more. And it sounds like you really had established a beautiful, you know, practice for yourself to connect in. But how have you what are some tools that you also I mean, have been using? And have you faced any challenges through this process of really unraveling? You know, your relationship with alcohol? Yeah, sure. You know, I just want to mention, too, I was just already I'm kind of like reflecting on throughout our conversation. I feel like at the beginning, when you were asking me about beginning to drink, I could feel my whole spirit just felt so flat and low. And it's like, as we've gotten to the point where we started talking about what it feels like to be free of that, like now I'm like, I'm smiling, and I'm laughing and, you know, like, I just feel like, it's been interesting, I almost can feel my voice has like gone through the transition that I went through. Um, but yeah, so. I mean, yeah, absolutely. There have been some challenges in there. And I have had, I've, I've been, okay. So then different tools that I've used. So I had, I feel very fortunate that I did come across somehow. I mean, I think maybe I was guided to come across these things. But I came across a variety of tools that have helped me and I'm one of those. I'm one of those people that I will if I see something I will work Got it myself and I will I hold myself accountable. And I will go through it. And I know that a lot of people are not that way, they do much better if they have somebody with them, you know, that's like holding them accountable, or that's kind of guiding them through. And I have also needed that. But for me, there have been some books that have helped me a lot. Like there's this book that that's called the Sedona Method that has to do with, with exploring your emotions and moving, you're trying to move your emotions through from this. And it has them numbered in these different categories. And you're kind of moving through from these lower emotions into these higher emotions. And so I took three months to go through all of the exercises in that book. I, you know, read the book, Byron Katie's book that she has about the four questions. That's some amazing work, you know, like, I really dove into that, and explored that. Because Yeah, there there has been some challenges. And I, I was so so happy at the beginning, about how I felt especially it was once once I had just once I had gotten past that point of thinking, this is just a urine experiment. And when I realized this is that, like, I'm free, like, I want to be free. This is awesome. And I was so happy, I found out after a few months, heard about the phenomena, the pink cloud phenomenon. And I was worried that I was in the pink cloud, I was like, Oh, no, am I going to end up getting I'm gonna just come crashing, it's all gonna come crashing down, and I'm gonna get depressed. You know, like, this is this is not good. And so then I started getting worried about how happy I was. And I do think that, you know, maybe it potentially, maybe I was a little bit in the pink cloud. I don't know, you know, who knows? But I was also thinking, who cares if I am this is Bill's freakin awesome. Right now, like, I love how this feels. So, um, yeah, I mean, there have been things that you have to face, you know, in yourself things that you have to face, maybe in your relationship, you know, but and so learning these new tools of how to how to really communicate with somebody, you know, say, like your partner, because maybe before if something was going wrong, you would just drink together, or I would just sneak off and smoke pot, and he wouldn't know that I was high, you know? And then I'd be like, no, everything's fine. But instead, you start realizing, okay, we have to actually talk about this stuff. But I mean, as a result of that, he and I have the best relationship that we have ever had. He also went through a process where he saw what was happening with me, and he started reducing his drinking. And now he has a, he has a drink, like once every month or so you might have like one drink. So he has been extremely, extremely supportive of me, which I feel very lucky about. But yeah, and then with meditation, I ended up finally, from it was a, it was a sober person at work, who encouraged me to just find a type of meditation that I enjoyed. And to stick with that I had been doing a lot of experimenting and trying all different types of meditation. And so I was trained in Transcendental Meditation. And so that's now what I do every day. And my husband was as well. And so we meditate together 20 minutes every morning, and sometimes 20 minutes in the evening. We're supposed to be doing that every evening, but not we don't do it every night. And so, I mean, yeah, it's tough. It is tough. Sometimes. There's things that happen. And I think, what am I going to do? Normally I would drink or smoke pot right now and what has ended up being one of my go twos is as a hot bath. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's okay to want a little bit of, you know, to find a way to relieve our stress, but you know, knowing like, when you just solve for the problem, when you solve for life's problems that are going to happen, no matter what, there's so much out of our control, like you develop the tools to face these from inside of your own inner resources. And I think I think that that's where that pink cloud comes in. And if people don't know about that, that's kind of the honeymoon phase of sobriety, right? I mean, would you say that? Yeah, you aren't drinking and you you just feel so good because your detox I mean, like the outside of the detox because that can be a little like, your, I don't know, my brain felt like a little Technicolor. That was weird, but, um, so you just feel amazing and it's like this honeymoon phase and then from that, then like, life kind of sets in again. But the Difference between, like what you're doing and what you did so beautifully was like really dive into these tools. And you had that aha switch. I'm like, I know, life is awesome. And I'm resilient, and I can learn and you know, all these things is that you know, and what I teach as well with my clients is, we're not just solving for the problem of like, just not drinking, because you can just not drink and resist that the rest of your life. And that's gonna feel awful. Oh, that would be so sad. Right? Or like, because there's a lot of people that do live in that or like, where you're at, and where I'm at, and where my clients are at is that you eliminate your desire for alcohol, were you really, and I was going to ask you this? I mean, your I know that you don't drink. But um, what is your current relationship with alcohol? Like, what would you How would you define it? Ah, yeah, I am, I, I just I don't even like being around it, I have such, it's like this, it's like a, if you had this boyfriend that you ended up, you know, you finally broke free of them. And then you realize that you've been in an abusive relationship this whole time. And you hate seeing this person, you know, with, like, your girlfriend's, like, it's hard. It's, that's the one thing that it's a little bit hard for me sometimes, because I, I see it as such a negative influence on so many people's lives, you know, I just have to, I just have to shine, shine my light, but try to not be too obnoxious. Because, you know, to each their own, and I was in that place to where a lot of other people are. But I have, I really don't have any desire for it at all. Yeah, and I think that, that there's a big distinction between, they don't not be able to be around it and not wanting to be around it. And I've had other guests on and myself included, where it's like, if it's a big gathering, and I think there's a lot going on, and a lot of different people, but if it's like really intimate and there's just a couple of people drinking, like, it's kind of like, it has this low vibration, and your relationship with alcohol, and you're vibing high, and you're meeting all of life, because like, the sad days don't have to be bad days, they are really an invitation to get to know yourself deeper face new challenges, create more intimacy with your loved ones, like what a beautiful experience like that, you know, we're missing out on before. So it's just that like, that's just like low, you're vibrating your thought quality, your emotional processing your spiritual, you know, engagement with life is just vibrating at such a higher level that around it is like, you know, it doesn't feel good. It really doesn't. And so there's no judgement, it's just kind of like, no, not my thing, you know? Yeah, um, yeah, it's been absolutely empowering to go through these different experiences, and to be able to get through them with different kinds of, you know, I guess, coping mechanisms, you know, like, the day that I got laid off, you know, is like, I got laid off, it was a total shock, it was a shock to all these people, all these other people from work, were saying, like, Oh, you know, like, time to start drinking, you know, 830 in the morning. And for me, you know, I was like, Okay, what do I do when I get laid off? I don't know, this hasn't happened before. But I don't drink and you know, I did something else. Instead, I it was a sunny day, and I went outside, and I laid down on the ground in the sun, and just lay there and felt the support of the earth and the sun coming down on me and just let myself feel it. You know, and I could tell that I was that what I was doing was helping me to be a more resilient person. Yes, yep. And that's what it is all about. me. I feel like I could talk to you forever, because you just have so much wisdom. And it's just, it's so inspiring to hear how you went through your process. I definitely want to get to my sober girlfriends. But I would love to know, what is a belief. I think that this is so hard. And you kind of talked about, like, I talked about this a lot about like winning and owning a new belief because our thought patterns are what create our beliefs in the world. So to own a new belief, you have to create new thought patterns, but it doesn't change overnight. So what do you think is one belief that you have now that you never would have believed when you were drinking and smoking? The belief is that I am enough. is enough so amazing. Um, I think I do want to hear about my sober girlfriends, and this might be the answer to part of that is how would you What would you tell someone that's kind of in these beginning phases of You know, like what, that it's that scene that you painted for us of like your runny and you're like, why do I like this is not there is something about this, this isn't right, you know, you just feel that disconnect that disharmony between like, who you are your soul self. And then like this habit? If you What would you say to a woman who's kind of hearing that calling of her higher self? I would say that, I would say what's the harm and just trying an experiment? Like you were saying, Mary, it's just get curious. get curious about what your life might be like. And to treat it seriously. I mean, for me with my, when I was at the very, very beginning, I treated my sobriety like it was a newborn baby. Hmm. I was going to take such great, gentle, tender care of my sobriety, because it was so important because it is a very, it's so get curious about it. Think of it as an experiment, but take it seriously, because it is possible that this is the experiment that could truly, truly change your life. Mm hmm. Oh, my gosh, I love that I resonate with that so deeply. You know, I really say that same like this is it is a sacred journey. It's a journey. It doesn't change all overnight, but it is this unraveling. And it is profound. And like, I have no regrets. Because the stark contrast is so beautiful that I yeah, that I just, it really is, it is like it's like this precious gift that I was able to give myself and, you know, you aren't the first person to say that either. Like you treated it like that I know, someone that was on was talking about, like she took off like work like she just like needed to really uphold herself, and really create space for the beginning phase of this, like, okay, we're doing this and this is like this is it. So that's so beautiful. And so tell us about my sober girlfriends and having fun, being sober. Because I think that that is like the one of the pieces that people think like, you know, there's like that feeling that nervousness or fear of like boredom, which is just another emotion. It's like, this magical world, how could we ever be bored? And maybe boredom is not so bad, after all. About my sober girlfriends and all of that. Yes, so excuse me. So my sober girlfriends, it's a, it's a, as I'd mentioned, at the beginning, it's a friendship community for sober women, and specifically here in the Pacific Northwest, because once COVID is over, then we'll be able to see each other in person having in person events. But this was born out of one, of course, my own is something that I recognized as need in myself, and I saw it within, you know, the sober Instagram community specifically was another place. As we were talking about, there's when you become sober, it's more challenging to be around people who are drinking, and especially if the activities completely revolve around drinking. And people that just aren't, aren't operating out of that, like you're saying that sort of that elevated consciousness or that higher energy, it just, it feels very different. And you want to be around like minded people, you want to be around people that are experiencing life at that higher level. So I knew, probably, so I knew that I had that one friend who had tried to talk me into going to a, you know, years and years ago, so I knew her. And I knew a couple of guys at work that were sober and I really didn't even know any other sober people. And I realized that I was not the only person like that. So I started this community and we did a couple of events in person and then have of course gone online like everyone else, but it has been amazing people just find in us through the meetup group or through the Facebook group or through word of mouth. These other women who have made this the same choice to eliminate alcohol and other drugs, potentially from their life, and just meeting them and growing together we have people that come in sober women who are different types of coaches so life coaches or you know, nutrition coach or relationships. Coach. And of course, you're going to be coming in and in a couple of months to, to lead a workshop, but just seen a women learning together and we're growing together and we're laughing together, and we're just having an amazing time. So it's all about, it's all about making friends with other sober women. And we're not friends with people, you know, despite the fact that we're not drinking, but because we're not drinking. Right. Yeah. It's so beautiful. And you know, and I think finding community just in general is so important because of what what I've found and I and I have been to a couple of Naomi's meetups and one in person, one online, and it was really fun. And you kind of get to see like, there's no, you know, picture of what this looks like, right? Like, it's so vast, and I really always try to impress upon people like this isn't this is something that millions of women face, like, it doesn't have to look like a rock bottom, like you said, from the outside, you looked amazing, but it was like, the rock bottom part, what's happening on the inside, like your, you know, I was like, for me, I was just my soul was being drowned. And so it's so important just to see, like, there's so many amazing women out there that have gone through this that have just, you know, diversity and the depth. And the the alcohol was never really the part that was like the fun. It was always a you know, it's always about connection and experiencing. And so yeah, if you're in the Pacific Northwest, I would highly recommend checking it out. And we'll make sure we have a link in the show notes. But I think that, you know, doing different activities and put saying yes to things that are different that don't involve alcohol, especially, is so it's so important to kind of show yourself like, Yes, I can have fun. Yes, there are amazing things to do. So amazing work. Thank you so much for putting that out in the world, because it's really definitely needed. So they owe me Is there anything else that you want to share with our audience? And no, I Well, I would just say, you know, just like at the beginning, I said that I was in a liminal space right now. And that that is okay. It is totally fine to be in a liminal space. Like, we're not always going to be at one place or another place. You're, you think like, okay, here I am. I'm in this one place, it's okay to be in the process of change or to be in between two places. And that's, I mean, that's how change happens. That's how we evolve. That's how we grow. And that's where the possibilities lie. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad that you said that. I know. I'm it's like, if you get how will you know, when you've arrived? Right. Like, we're always just in it. And so the only way to be in it is to be present. And so yeah, amazing. Naomi, thank you so much for being here. And thank you to our beautiful listeners for being here. We really appreciate it and we will talk to you soon. Have an amazing day. Hey, if you're loving this podcast, you are definitely ready for the next step. I would love to invite you to learn my three shifts process to interrupt any craving and get you started on your journey to finding freedom from alcohol. All you need to do is click the link in the shownotes or on my website Mary Wagstaff coach comm to schedule a private call with me. You will leave the call with the tools for success and feeling confident and excited about entering into your new phase of life and it's completely free to you. I look forward to connecting