Ep. #72 The Value Of Alcohol: Finding Meaning In The Meaningless

Why does alcohol seem so important to you, even when it doesn’t add any real value or meaning to your life?

The experiences you are having are happening with or without alcohol, so what’s the deal?

From the day we are born, we experience trauma. We are set to become "socialized", told we need to be different than how we would naturally act. Some of this to protect our lives, some of it to preserve the power over model.  Alcohol is a way to numb what already feels so disconnected. Who you ARE and who you think you are "suppose" to be.  Alcohol will never be what you want it to be. It is a temporary illusion. The real solution lives inside of becoming more of you, without apology. 

What you will take away from this episode:
-How to see alcohol as neutral and choose on purpose from the place of nonjudgmental awareness.

-Ways to add more meaning and value to your life.

-how to override the narrative of the habit,  that alcohol is important.

-how to shift from the persecutive that life is happening to you, rather life is HAPPENING AS YOU.

-rise above the noise that alcohol is a problem that needs to be solved.

-how to process grieving the part of you that is attached to creating meaning out of alcohol.

If you are ready to stop waiting for change and ready to make it happen:  Schedule a complimentary alignment session HERE. 

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Transcript

1:09

Welcome, welcome. My name is Mary Wagstaff. I am a holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help women just like you from around the world do the same with my one on one private coaching program. In this podcast, we will explore my revolutionary approach to getting alcohol out of your way that breaks all the rules, life enhancing tools that make not drinking exciting and joyful and profound and sacred journey that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. The show is not a substitution for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. So please talk to a medical professional if your alcohol consumption is at risk to your mental or physical health. Now on with the show. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners. It's Mary Wagstaff, if you're joining me again, for another episode, thank you so much for being here. You guys, we're getting close to a full year. And I'm really excited. So if you're new, welcome, I could not do the work that I do without you. I, when I step into, you know, think about the woman who's listening on the other side of this, I do see us in community and in communion, because it is true, I am sitting here in my office by myself, but I am actually interacting with real people. And it seems like a far stretch these days. If you have time to do things in real time live, even if it's on zoom, I would highly recommend it because it does make a difference. I know I've talked about that a little bit before on the show, I wanted to say a couple of things for new people or for people that have been here for a little while. First, if you haven't listened to the first few episodes, I would highly go recommend going back and listening to those. Those are the those are the episodes, people write to me and say thank you so much. I'm changing my relationship to alcohol, it was like black and white. And I can't even believe that I'm looking at alcohol like this. I've had my longest break from not drinking, I don't feel like I'm in deprivation. So yes, go back and listen to the beginning. I've grown so much. I think I have in my podcasting since then. So it might be a little shaky, but who knows, maybe it all sounds like that. And then also my master class, if you want my website and sign up for kind of like any of the freebies on there, it will take you not only to a the master class, which is my five shifts approach to finding freedom from alcohol forever, which is the same as like the first few episodes, although it's revised, and it's kind of newer, fresher content, but it's the same concepts. You'll also get a guided audio meditation for to overcome a craving. And if you've been here for a while, girl, you know, I don't have any ads on this show. Have you left me a five star review yet? Because I know there's so many people gaining so much value from this. And it is not just about me, I don't get any affiliate marketing from this. So you know, it's really about being in service of the collective. This isn't just about changing your relationship to alcohol. This is about how you want to show up for the rest of your life. We know things are changing and up in the conscious community and the paradigm and are in the way that we're showing up for society, knowing that we're not here to live out someone else's predetermine story for us, that we are the story unfolding. been thinking about this concept a lot of we life isn't happening to us or even for us, life is happening as us. We are literally a microcosm of the universe unfolding as we speak. So all of the judgment, all of the ways you think you're not doing it, right. It's just time to let it go. And at something that I'm going to talk about today on the show, is the value of alcohol and how to find meaning in the meaningless. Why does alcohol seem so important to you right now, in some area of your mind, even when it doesn't add any real value or meaning to your life and this is why it's so there's so much conflicting thoughts happening in the brain. The experience you are having is happening with or without alcohol, right. So what's the deal? What's happening is that it's simply a shift in your perspective, your inhibitions are lowered. And because you're simply just feeding the habit at this point, you find that sense of relief, that place where you are feeling heightened and anxious, you think that alcohol is going to fix that, but we know. And if you're here, you know, it's a temporary relief, it's an illusion. And it's only now serving itself, the stress of the craving, or the urge for the alcohol is probably now outweighing the actual stressor of your life. So the stressor of your life is the trigger to cue alcohol. And then you get the urge and the craving, and now you have two emotions that you're trying to deal with the craving and then like the outside stressor. And I've talked about this on another episode, and I will link that into the show notes of how to process emotions. So from the day we're born, we are experiencing trauma, we are set to become socialized, told that we need to be different than how we would naturally act, right? If you're a parent, you know what it's like to raise children. And we've kind of follow the same model of paradigm of socialization. So some of this is to protect our lives, of course, you know, we brush our teeth so that we don't get, you know, major issues for our mouth and gum disease and all this stuff. But some of it is to preserve the power over model that we've never stopped to actually question. It's just been thought it's just the way that it is, right? But then this is what creates all of these conflicting thoughts in your mind about your worth and your value and not doing it right. And thinking that you know how other people are feeling thinking that everyone else is happy, because they're doing, they're doing it, quote, unquote, right? So we experienced the illusion of separateness, as we're brought out into the light, that we're not this way. So we need to figure out how to be this way of the of the social group. And then we begin the process of remembering. And that is where this struggle comes from, for our entire lives. And this is like a pretty big concept. This is this is different than how we have been taught here in the West, especially if you aren't brought up with kind of contemplate of, you know, contemplate of arts, or spirituality. We are a miracle. Like I said, You are the universe unfolding life itself, right? There's this tiny, single cell that holds inside of it. All of the information that ni is needed to create you and everything else on the planet, right. So there's this tiny seed, just think about a seed for an actual plant, that it doesn't know how it's going to grow, but inside of it is coated with the courage to break out of the shell. And no matter where it is, we've all seen plants growing in the cracks of a sidewalk, right? It reaches towards the light. And so we are in this constant battle inside of us, of what has been presented to us of the way that we should live in this world. And if we don't achieve this certain thing, then it's wrong. And who we are innately. Now those two things, there is a third option, which is trusting that the miracle of you is all you were here to do. And then everything else becomes a bonus. And you stop judging it. And you seek satisfaction. And you seek love, but you have to do it from a neutral perspective. You have to do it from the place of non judgmental awareness and the compassionate witness. Now alcohol comes into play in this because you already have this conflict that's inside of you. This I'm not doing it right, I'm wrong. And so you drink to numb the feeling. So you drink to have more fun. So So you think because who you are in that Group isn't enough, right, you're already judging yourself that you can't be vulnerable enough without the alcohol with just a group of friends, to just laugh your butts off or to cry together or to just be silly. And to experience, literally, we can't get better than a miracle. I'm just constantly thinking about this all the time, because I have a human brain to and it goes up and down into the dark into the light and all around. But I constantly have to remember, like, what is actually happening here, that we live in this planet with water. And you know, we have this beautiful symbiosis with the plants and the trees. And for me, that takes so much of the pressure off. And then I can show up from a place of service, and a relaxed state. And trust me, I get stressed about work. But I, but I implement the practices, I meditate I call in my higher self to lead the way through love rather than fear. And so that's really what is that contrast is that now we're terrified that we're doing it wrong. But when you step into the place of choosing love, instead, then you start to find meaning in the places that naturally have value and meaning that you were ignoring, because of some power over structure that we live in, and now you get to get the value back, when you focus your attention on the things that are valuable to you, your health, rather invaluable. Your family, happiness, the work you do. When you put your attention with your intention of love, unconditional love, you create more value, when you keep striving and seeking and reaching and yearning, and grasping at finding meaning in something like alcohol, or objects shopping, right food in a way that's attached, if you will, it will not give back to you in a way that is lasting, so you create a deficit. So the value of alcohol is an illusion. On the sacred journey, that is called life, we have been misled in our modern world that there is something more something bigger, more satisfying, or more inspiring than life itself. And when you spend your life competing to outdo creation itself, or the universe or God, Goddess, whatever you want to call it, you will always fall short. And it creates that deficit because we're striving to do more than life already is. So you can take a deep breath. And know that you're enough. When you work with creative source as a bonus, not an alteration, infinite possibilities become yours. The universe isn't working for us. Like I said, it is happening as us and this is the new paradigm shift. It's already happening, that satisfaction that we seek, if only we recognize it is available. And so there is a necessary shift in perspective and a pace that must take place in order to anchor oneself in the truth of presence. And the power of this moment of right now. It is a shift that anything else seen through the lens of anything but unconditional love, and presence and oneness is false that fear really is an illusion. Because it's really based on hypothetical situations. This lack that actually doesn't exist and that we create problems where there are none. And although it's tangibly felt, the thoughts are limiting, and built on a subjective story in hypothetical probability. And that's based on evidence potentially from your past and you will seek the mind will seek to find evidence for what it believes or your resistance to change. Part of the human brain does not want to change and that's why changing your relationship to alcohol is so challenging. And there are great injustices in humanity, but it's our perception of our focused attention is where we reclaim our power where we can change Not the current model, but we can write a new story. We're not fixing what's broken, we're throwing a better party over here. And that's what I love about this reality. The brain will always strive to be efficient to avoid pain and seek pleasure. But what all of the ancient contemplate of traditions have known is the power of aligning your altruistic intentions of the heart, with focused awareness of the mind to create inner peace, and lasting joy is where we gain control over choosing happiness, or choosing misery. pain will never cease to exist. But it doesn't have to be viewed as bad. And what I teach my clients through a deep dive in self inquiry is the power of allowing emotion, the power of deciding on purpose, your results, choosing to commit unconditionally to your success, all of it leading to satisfaction, rather than avoidance, blamed and prolonged unnecessary suffering. There is a satisfaction when you show up for yourself and allow an emotion to have a beginning, middle and end. So you if you've been here for a while, you know, I've talked about this transition, you're at a crossroads right now, right? You know what your life looks like with alcohol. But there is a piece of, of acceptance of knowing, okay, I've been trying to make alcohol, something that it's it's not, right, I have all of these judgments about it good, bad or indifferent, but it is neutral. So it's this rite of passage, your opportunity to reparent yourself and really claim ownership over your life. In a way, you may not have been validated in the past, or that even maybe you weren't ready to receive validation, a lot of times we have people validating us and we can't hear it because they're just not ready. It's not part of our journey. So you have to trust to that there is a pace to the unfolding of your life. And when you are ready, you will know that the opportunity is available to you there is an alternative to suffering, and there is an alternative to desperate deprivation. So this is a way to choose to cross the threshold into adulthood. And it doesn't matter what phase you're in where you are in your life, not through the dissociation of alcohol, like we've been taught, is just the thing you do when you're 21 here in the United States, that takes you further away from the power of the woman that you are truly. But it's an opportunity, this threshold that you're crossing to dive deeper, the radical self love and support every single step of the way. If you choose to step onto a journey, doing one on one coaching, which is what I offer, and there's many other opportunities out there for different things, but you have to know what you're willing to do what you're willing to put in and know that you are responsible for creating the meaning and the value out of your life. When you place it in your attention in the values that you have, where there is value where it can multiply, and you can get a return on your investment. So when you show up for this opportunity to step through this threshold, you set your intention as you embark as a sacred vow of service to yourself, the planet and humanity. And I know this sounds kind of dramatic, but this is how I see it. This is my perception of rewriting your relationship with alcohol. It is so ingrained into our society and culture and interwoven into your identity in every facet of your life for the last 20 3040 years. It does have a huge impact for the way that you've shown up for the world. Not without not with judgment. It served its purpose in ways or you wouldn't have continued to use it right. It has served a purpose. Now you are seeing that there is no merit anymore for you. It has worn itself out, it's played out. Now you just have the habit that you need to dismantle, you need to recognize that the more you try to seek value and meaning out of alcohol, the more of a deficit is, it is creating. And when you start to be honest, and know that it's actually not even doing what you want it to do anymore, because you're in that place of observation, it becomes more and more disappointing, and the deficit becomes, becomes more and more. So you just notice it, and you show up to do a new way you commit to taking ownership of the results in your life, because you have a human brain, and your human brain is capable of doing anything. We create more impact in the world, not by changing the beliefs of others, and changing the circumstances of the outer world that's exhausting. Yet, when we change our own beliefs, when we are willing to show up to say, alcohol is no longer in service to me. And I'm going to do it in this other way. I'm going to try a new approach, I'm going to become more intimate with myself, and work towards self inquiry and know that of course, it's going to take some time to dismantle. Of course it is a habit isn't created overnight, and it doesn't go away overnight, the shift in consciousness is taking place in a big way. And you we are at the front lines and moving forward without apology. The sobriety movement is not happening on accident, the reason that it's happening, and regardless of you know, the there is a very, there's a huge scale of levels of addiction. But the habit still works the same way. So wherever you are on the spectrum, an opportunity to live a deprivation, free life is available to you. Now that may not be through my program specifically. But there is a wide variety of programs showing up all over the place that are available to you to help you step into a life of possibility. Like, we know alcohol is not going anywhere, like it's never going to change, it's always been the same thing. It just keeps getting stronger. Frankly, that's like the only thing that's happening and try to become like more fancier and more artsy. And you know, again, neutral, no judgement, but that's just the that's the reality of it. So when you move forward without apology, there's nothing else in your life that you need to that you need to apologize for when you decide you want to be more healthy. That's why I don't really talk a lot about here, like people want to always know, what do I say about this? Who do I tell? And I actually am thinking about doing an episode about other people's problems. And because why, like, I just think it's a moot point, when you step into becoming more empowered, and getting excited and proud of yourself for saying no and choosing health, like you would never have to make an excuse for drinking more water, or going for a walk in the morning. And the the opportunity of coaching, which is so amazing, is taking personal ownership for all of it. Right, you get to own all of it. And then you get to let other people own their stuff to and from a place of, of loving kindness. You just say I'm doing me and you kind of bow out gracefully. And I understand that this is a shift. But this is this is what I'm doing. And when you show up this way, and you're not even really thinking about how it's going to affect other people, it's only going to affect other people in a good way, even if they have resistance to it. So I guess I'm talking about it now. But I know it rarely comes up for me and my clients as an issue. And when it does, we plan it out. We pre plan what is that going to look like? Someone that you used to drink with a lot that you haven't seen in a while. And it's always positive. It's always positive in some way for my client or for the other person usually is like, yeah, I've actually been struggling with that I've actually been it's like, opens this beautiful dialogue of intimacy. I know that was my experience. I very unapologetically without excuse or you know, anything said, I'm just examining my relationship right now with alcohol like real casual. And most people because I hung out with a lot of drinkers, said me too. So, so that's that. So we're responding to alcohol in a new way and it will be The obvious choice for the future to say no, and it might not happen in my lifetime. But I really do see as the human consciousness evolves, that there's going to either be like suffering in one way where you're not taking ownership of your life, or there's going to be heightened, expansive consciousness, right. And so the desire itself will be less because we know if we're doing this thing that's contracting, and constricting our our ability to choose a more expanded version of light and love that it just it's not going to serve us. And it's actually not going to feel good the invitation is to embody, the invitation is to become a vessel for love. For expanded consciousness, that is what we need. Right now we've had the power over model, we are stepping into an era of openness and love, and diversity, and community and acceptance. And if you're not on that train, there will be a lot of suffering for you through like arguing or fighting or righteousness, or whatever it is. And like, that's a choice. That's always a choice. Because when we honor ourselves as an individual, we actually make space to hold sacred space for the other. So we can be of real service. So this isn't about ignoring the injustices of the world. This is about feeling grounded, and amazing and how you're showing up. So you can be there to give freely, and that there's no, there's no skin off your back, there's no sweat, like you're just there, you're, you're there unconditionally, to hold space for the other, we will know that the truth will be revealed more and more that it's not out there, where the magic and the happiness is, yet it's in here, it's inside of you. What we have had access to all along. And so there is nothing about you that needs to be altered, you cannot alter a miracle, you simply need to claim it. And that is the scariest part of all. And I couldn't be more honored and thrilled to be here doing this work. in this lifetime. It is always a surprise to me how I was led down this path. And I know it will unfold in ways that I couldn't even have imagined. I am just constantly trying to open myself to kind of get out of my own way of how I think things should look and trust that I will know when I'm supposed to take another different step. So when you step into that place this week of seeing alcohol as neutral. What that is, is really stepping back to say how is this serving me? And is this serving me anymore without judgment. And if you have some negative consequences, a hangover or whatever, from alcohol, just stating it, seeing it, knowing that shame has never gotten you anywhere. It doesn't create lasting change. Say I see this now. What is the next step in the direction away from that? How can I choose another direction on purpose? So you expand your awareness of possibility rather than limiting it by just seeing hangover. I feel crappy, I'm stuck. There's no way out. Right? You have innate wisdom inside of you. A lot of alcohol is blocking right now, especially if you're feeling the consequences of it the day after. But you do know, you know that there's one right next step. And that step is first going to be acknowledging it. Becoming aware that it's not serving you confronting the story, and then offering yourself compassion that nothing has gone wrong. And it's totally okay that you're here right now. But there is another side to this. And so when we focus on what our values are, which we don't really focus on a lot when alcohol is taking up so much of our time, but go and do that for yourself. And I'll link into the show notes to doing a values assessment. You can just go and decide, you know, what is invaluable to me and how is alcohol getting in the way of that and when you start to create input more attention in there, then you make and create more value in your life. And the other piece of the non judgmental awareness is just start to notice when the habit and the narrative of the habit is telling you, life will be boring without alcohol. But how will I do this without alcohol, when it starts to kind of have all that negative chatter, and then it's impossible to live a life without alcohol, just simply start to notice it? And notice the emotions that that creates, right? When the habit has this whole Dictionary of, of excuses, right? It knows like, it's going to go through each one. Just notice it and and ask yourself, Is this true? And how do I know? So instead of finding evidence to support that story that has any value, or try to create evidence for the contrary, say yes to something new. When you say no to a drink, you're saying yes, to feeling awesome about yourself for the possibility of the next day for not losing more time, right. And when you think that the circumstances of the world are kind of out to get you, again, stepping into that place of awareness from that witness consciousness, and saying, How am I choosing to interpret the situation. And it's like one of those things where when you're in a bad mode, you know, everything seems to be going wrong. This happened to me a couple of weeks ago, where it was like, like, the zipper on my purse broke and like, stuff was falling everywhere, like spilling or doing weird stuff. And I'm like, okay, like, either, like, I'm just not grounded, right. So I'm, I'm kind of like attracting this in, or it's just bothering me more. And it seems like everything's out to get me it was like all these little things that were adding up. And you know, of course, I'm taking care of Emma, and it was just one of those days, but I recognize that a, if I ground myself and take a few deep breaths, and in one of my favorite thoughts as I can turn this around right now at least just have a neutral perspective that like, maybe today is not going to be like the my day. But it doesn't, but I don't have to get, you know, really upset or anything about this. And so I get to choose the interpretation of it is a life happening to me? Or is his life happening as me right? If I have that perspective of I really believe that, then I'm unfolding that vibration out into the world, right. And so it might look a little clumsy. And I can just laugh at it, which is what I did. And I don't always laugh at it. But I did in that particular setting, because I could really see it unfolding in front of me. So the fact that there's this, this collective story that alcohol is, is useful and is like this thing that we do as adults and it solves problems, there's also a collective story to the alcohol is a problem that needs to be solved. Right. And, you know, there's there is a lot of negative consequences about alcohol being societally accepted. But my invitation is not to jump off the bandwagon of alcohol and to jump on the bandwagon of sobriety and start to, you know, protest the alcohol industry, because you're taking one label and transferring it to another. When we step into our power fully, and we we stop giving merit and credit to alcohol or to like diet, culture, like things that are just create these stories that just aren't true, that create like this fear of missing out or the stereotypes of way that ways that we think we should be, if we simply turn that energy into ourselves and claim that personal responsibility and kind of rise above the noise of that hype, that we have to fix a broken system. We end up giving it more power because we're focused more on it. There's always going to be circumstances in the outer world that that need to be fixed. But my invitation and this is this is kind of the evolution of conscious snus is that we just go do it a better way. Like, we don't even mess with that. And then it like when you stop adding fuel to the fire, the fire burns out. And then they lose money and no one's buying the booze anymore, right? Like, you don't need to, you don't need to protest that. Now, I will say I did see something on Instagram, where there was a company that was like promoting drinking mimosas like hiding in the bathroom to solve for emotional problems. And, you know, when we were looking at motions like that, that that's like the way to solve emotional problems. We know how many people have mental there's so much mental health and alcohol issues in our world, it is pretty irresponsible. But we can throw the better party by just having an amazing deprivation, free life over here. There will be a process of grieving when it comes to changing your relationship with alcohol because it has kept you stuck in the past. And it has a little tiny part of you, from when you started drinking all the way until now that part of your brain, your egoic mind, which isn't a bad thing identifies with. So that's one of the reasons the attachment is so so strong. So instead of shaming it, you honor it and you recognize it through a process of validation that in some way this relationship is served me I am who I am here and now. And I am ready to honor the past. And welcome it all in all the emotions and see it for what it is. And then I'm ready to let it go. And knowing that you are going to reclaim part of you that has been stuck in the past, because when you continue drinking, there is a part of you that can't reach the modern woman that you are right now because it's still in this loop, this alcohol loop. It literally happening in your brain day in and day out. So know that there will be a process of grieving part of your identity and a lifestyle. But just know that you're it's just a natural process of maturing like, right, just like when you stepped into motherhood or a partnership or a new job that required more of you, right? You were excited about it. But alcohol because of the habit tends to be more of a grieving rather than the pot place of possibility. So just know that that is a choice. You're not losing, you're opening a new door, right? So when we stay stuck in the same place, we can't open a new door and walk through it. I hope you have an amazing week. It's feels amazing to be here. If you have any questions about anything you would like me to to talk about on the show. I would love to hear from you. I'll leave all the info in the show notes. You are a miracle and I think you're awesome. Have a great day. Hey, if you are loving this podcast, you are definitely ready for the next step. I would love to invite you to learn my three shifts process to interrupt any craving and get you started on your journey to finding freedom from alcohol. All you need to do is click the link in the show notes or on my website Mary Wagstaff coach comm to schedule a private call with me. You will leave the call with the tools for success and feeling competent and excited about entering into your new phase of life and it's completely free to you. I look forward to connecting