How often do you compare yourself with others? Most of us do it way too often, thanks in part to social media. Comparison can be harmful to your mental and emotional health, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It can also cause jealousy, envy, and a lack of appreciation for yourself and others. You may have heard the quote “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It can also be the thief of dreams. Our guest, author Angela Scott said it almost stole hers. Through faith, friends and fierce honesty with herself, Angela was able to face down comparison. In this episode we learned so much about what we’re calling “Comparison Detox.”
Angela Scott is the author of Yearning: Daily Encouragement for Remaining Hopeful as you Wait . It’s a truly inspiring devotional for the seasons of waiting that we all go through, but it almost didn’t happen. Angela had to push aside her fear of not being up to the task, especially when she saw the progress of those who were more experienced and already successful. Once she realized that she needed to “run her own race” and trust God’s timing, she found both peace and the courage to move forward. Then by opening up to others, she also got help from those she called "purpose sisters."
Angela told us, “There is enough room for us all. I felt like God just kept saying, run YOUR race. Stop looking at what this person is doing. Let them run their race." We all have unique gifts and talents and there is room for everyone to be successful. It doesn’t matter what your dream is or what stage you are in life. It doesn’t matter if you’re going after your dream for the first time or the hundredth time. Every time you begin again, you begin with new knowledge.
We think Angela’s story will both bless you and give you some practical tips for escaping the comparison trap. It may also open your eyes to how to reach your goals AND enjoy the journey that you are on. Remember, nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). Say a prayer and ask God what He wants to show you. We hope you’ll click play for some inspiration.
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Buy on Amazon: Yearning: Daily Encouragement for Remaining Hopeful as you Wait
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Sandy Kovach [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Imagine Yourself podcast, where we help you imagine the next chapter of life with grace, gratitude, courage, and faith.
Lanee Blaise [00:00:10]:
Good day, everyone. So happy to have you listening into Imagine Yourself podcast. I'm Lanee here with Sandy, and I want you to think for just a second about the concept of comparison. Essentially, comparison is when we measure or notice the similarities or dissimilarities between things or people. Why then do we seem to get so caught up in a comparison trap? And how do we begin to disentangle ourselves? Today we have a guest who has been on Imagine Yourself before. The last time she talked to us about how God will get us through this time, she's talking about comparison and she's talking about the art of giving and receiving support. Her name is Angela Scott. Angela Scott is the author of a brand new book called Yearning. She's a speaker, a singer, a mother, a writer, an encourager, and the creator of Agape Love Endeavors. Angela, come on down and help us out today as we try to stomp out the comparison trap.
Angela Scott [00:01:21]:
Oh, what a great introduction. When the price is right.
Lanee Blaise [00:01:25]:
Sandy Kovach [00:01:27]:
You don't look a thing like Bob Barker, though. No, it's Drew Carey now. Right?
Angela Scott [00:01:35]:
It's Drew Carey now. Yeah.
Sandy Kovach [00:01:36]:
Okay. Him either.
Angela Scott [00:01:38]:
Sandy Kovach [00:01:40]:
So Angela, I know you have this new book, Yearning, which is awesome, and comparison is one of the things you deal with. But it seems like these days social media has got everybody talking about comparison, and for good reason. People's lives and highlight reels are out there each and every day on Instagram or whatever platform that we're on. But it's been around for a long time. How does your book deal with the comparison issue?
Angela Scott [00:02:04]:
Well, I think in the sense of the book, the book specifically is about yearning and waiting. And I guess you could look at it in the way of many times something is happening for someone and you are still in the situation that you were in, or you're still in the season you're in and you don't necessarily see how you're going to get out of that or how this thing that you're waiting for is going to come to fruition. And then you can kind of compare yourself, of course, with a season somebody else is in or what's going on in their life, or, I really wish I could have had that job like them, or I wish I could have been married like her or have a baby and maybe I'm not able to. So now I'm comparing with that. But I think for me, when I think about the book, it's about what do we do in between what we want and what's actually occurring in our life, right. Or what God's best for us is and what's actually occurring in our life. A lot of the comparison part was really for myself when I say that it wasn't necessarily so much as it relates to the book, but it was me comparing myself to people who were doing similar things or who had a book. Maybe they had a book and I was self published. They had like a publishing company or I didn't necessarily have funds to do all of the things that I dreamed of and I saw other people like, oh, they have this and they're doing that. I almost let it win, but I'm so glad that I didn't. It started to make me think that because I didn't have ABC or D, I started thinking, oh no, my little book. You know what I mean? I started just like, it's not this and it's not that. Then that's what comparison started to actually do to me and it almost made me miss out on all of the things that are happening because to me it's kind of unbelievable with everything that is occurring. And the comparison really was real. When I actually finished it, I told Linnaevis for like two days I was afraid to upload it into Amazon. Yeah, I was all done, right. I didn't even tell anybody. But I was afraid because I was comparing myself to other people and what I was seeing out there, that's to me like the most important message that I wanted to get across. Today I know we're going to talk about so many things. There is enough room for us all. And I felt like God just kept telling me, run your race, run your race. Stop looking at what this person is doing. That person run your race. I have a heart for you to speak to. It could be one or ten or 100, maybe not 1000, maybe not a million, but I focus on the one heart. And when I did that, I would feel better. I would say, okay, I'll upload it tomorrow.
Sandy Kovach [00:05:54]:
We're glad you did. Right.
Lanee Blaise [00:05:55]:
That's the beauty of this whole thing as far as even you bridging that gap into talking and listening directly to God. What he has for you, he is your audience member. He is not going to compare the different children based on how popular, how famous, how this or that they are. He wants that true developed intimacy, seeking directly for him, yearning, like your book says, yearning for him instead of yearning for the applause of everybody else. And you said that it almost won because it almost stole your confidence, is what I'm getting from you.
Angela Scott [00:06:43]:
Absolutely. And brought up the insecurities, all of the things. Maybe there's a mistake in it. Maybe I felt like God was just like, you know what, would you just upload this book? Would you just do it? And I had to really just put all of those insecurities and fears down because you all know when you create something, it's like a baby to you. You want to protect it. You just want it to be its best. And for you it's never its best, right? But there comes a time where you just have to just let it go. I feel like when I did that, then the Lord just he breathed on it. He really did. But I had to trust Him and give it to Him. I worried a lot about who am I going to get to help me with certain things. Illustrations or graphics covers, book formats. Like all of this stuff can be expensive. And if your budget is low to nonexistent, you know well, but every single obstacle, you know the process of the book, you think you write in something for someone for that heart, all the stuff we talked about. But he was working a work in me where I was able to see every single thing that I needed. He provided every obstacle I felt I had. Someone offered up a service to me. And then God is so because he knows the end from the beginning. So that's what he wanted, so that I could come on here and other places and wherever else I'm going to talk or write or make a video or blog that he can do the same thing for you. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be a book.
Lanee Blaise [00:08:50]:
You've got me thinking too. He will send some of his other children to run over and help some of his other children.
Angela Scott [00:08:58]:
Lanee Blaise [00:08:59]:
And it seems like that's what you're alluding to as far as you needed help and support from God and he breathed on it. But you also, instead of comparing yourself to graphic artists and illustrators, seem like he needed to send you some of those people, those other children who have those gifts and talents.
Angela Scott [00:09:20]:
Yeah, he absolutely did. Like I said, every single obstacle, everything I thought about, how am I going to do this? And as I was thinking about all the other things that was going on with everyone else who's doing all types of stuff, and you compare. And I felt like he physically was dragging me back. The words that run your race, do what I have told you to do. They're running their race, but you have a race too. So they have an audience. You have an audience. And that's what I want you to stick to. And so I have a friend, her name is Kimyetta, and she has a prayer YouTube channel called Prayer Closet with Kimyetta. But we have been friends for many years and we met at church. It's funny, I'm just thinking about how God places people in your life because he already knows. So we met. We had a lot of similar interests. She helped me a lot in my walk and to my spiritual maturity. But the thing is that when I got ready to do the book, she was the person that just came and poured out everything to me to help me. What I loved the most about what she did was she didn't just come and tell me about the great things, but she told me about the pitfalls, and she helped me, don't do this, make sure to do that. Just little things to where I could have tripped up or I could have gave up, because I didn't really know what I was getting into. I had a dream, and I had a due date.
Sandy Kovach [00:11:10]:
Just really it seemed to come together for you.
Angela Scott [00:11:13]:
It did, I think, because the motive I had actually had a due date of my birthday. This book was going to be a birthday gift to myself because I had always wanted to write one, probably 15,16 years. All the things you can't, you don't know, you're not good enough, all of this stuff. So when I finally felt like and there's a whole thing of how all of that came about, it brings me to another person that I really got to mention, though. Gabbie McGee, a singer, a songwriter. I think she did a podcast with you all. And again, it just shows how, God, he puts people in your place. I call in your life, I call certain people, like purpose sisters. And I have to say, I've got to say, not because she's hosting or because I'm trying to kiss up, but Lanee really is a purpose sister, because it's not a person that maybe you've known forever, but it's a person that when they come into your life, they give you knowledge, they mentor, they teach, they coach. It's still a friend, but they unlock certain possibilities in you and they bring you to your purpose. And so I feel like that about Lanee, and I definitely felt like that about Gabbie. When we met, we went to dinner, and that was our first date to get to know each other, really, because I know her from another friend. I told her, I want to do more speaking and writing and more engagements. And she was like, do you have a book? And I said, no. She just talked to me about all the things that having a book that I wasn't thinking about can do, the opportunities and just the ways that it can unlock certain doors. And she actually became like an accountability partner for me. So she was integral in that, because had I not gone to dinner with her, and had she not broadened my perspective of what a book could do, I probably would not have written it. And she is the one who did the cover for me.
Lanee Blaise [00:13:43]:
She's the graphic designer.
Angela Scott [00:13:47]:
She loves to do that. So, again, that was an obstacle, right? Because I was getting so frustrated then. I was talking to myself like, you should know how to do this, all of those things, and then you're not going to have the funds to have someone to do it the way you would like it. And he just took care of that, every step of it. I just really have to give him the glory because he set everything in motion. I had to be obedient. I had to write it. That was the work I had to do. So faith without works is dead. That was my work. Obedience, writing it and researching. But then he breathed on it. And we are here today, Angela.
Lanee Blaise [00:14:37]:
This is all making me think of something that I read before we came on today. And it is directly from the Bible. It's a whole segment of the Bible that's on spiritual gifts. It's in one corinthians. Twelve. And I just want to share part of it because I feel like it's going to hit and resonate exactly with anyone who is listening, who's thinking about their life, what they want to have, what they wish they had, what they don't have currently, who they are, who they're not. And I'm just going to read little snippets from it real quick and just see how it lands for everyone.
Angela Scott [00:15:15]:
Lanee Blaise [00:15:15]:
Dear brothers and sisters, regarding your question about the special abilities that the Spirit gives us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so that we can help each other. One person, the Spirit, gives the ability to give wise advice to another, gives a message of special knowledge. The same Spirit gives great faith to another and to someone else. The gift of healing. It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have. Another part of the same scripture. The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. If the ear says I'm not part of the body because I am not an eye, would that make it any less part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? How would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. Here's one last chunk that I just feel like is really strong too. In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. All of you together are Christ's body, and each of you is part of it. And it's that whole part about you want to honor and be glad for others. You hope that they will reciprocate. We are not all meant to be an eye. And that doesn't even mean that the eye is the most important one. I can't function without the brain. And this all shows me. Gabbie came in. I did not even know we've had her on the show. Sandy, we knew she was a singer and she does all these amazing things, but she's a graphic designer also, and that she's a helper. And Angela, you talk about a purpose sister. You are also a purpose sister. You are an encourager. You are a cheerleader. You are a helper. And there's certain gifts that you have that we rejoice in you having. And you spread that to bless others. It's just Sandy is another Sandy who's like she's the one who initially even brought me into the podcast world. We met at church also. It's just all connected.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:42]:
Yeah, god knew all of this before, how all of this was going to lay out. Absolutely. I love the quote. Sometimes when it seems like things are falling apart, they're actually falling into place. That's not a biblical quote, but it's like when God is behind it, he can do all kinds of things and make you think all kinds of things are wrong, when actually this is how it's supposed to happen.
Angela Scott [00:18:05]:
Exactly. Because his ways are not our ways. We cannot understand. But he knows. I say that phrase a lot because it encourages me so much. He knows the end from the beginning. Like, every time that I feel like this isn't working out or this isn't the way I would have liked it to be, I just remind myself of that. And it really gives me peace. It gives me comfort. Because he does just like you say. I mean, he holds everything in his hand and he allows certain things, but we can never figure Him out. We just arrest. In Romans 828, all things work together, and that's because He's God. We are not. So it's hard sometimes. It's not like it's just this easy thing to trust. But what else do we do? Then? We start to panic and have anxiety and worry. So we have to place our trust in something that's the ultimate thing that will give us rest and peace. I want to make sure I mentioned, too, because our segment is about women encouraging and helping and supporting. My friend, Leticia Lee, well, I didn't even know she had a publishing company, so I was telling her, I need to get it edited. And she was like, I could help you with that. I'm like, you never told me this. We've been friends for a long time, so even that and then lastly, my friend Ebony McCord. We were talking one day. I was like, man, this editing process. Like I said, I just said I wanted to do a book and I had a due date. All the things I was learning as I went. And so I was talking about getting approved, and I didn't know the layers and all of the things that needed to happen. And she was like, oh, I did this and that before, and I could definitely do that for you. And like I said, everything just came together. That's how I know that no matter what, I know that God was in it because of the way that things worked and everything that he showed me through the process, I would be remiss if I did not mention choosing Him ministries too. So I write for them, blog for them. You all know that already. I was a contributing writer to a devotional that choosing Him did. Okay? So to me, it was so crazy because I had a roadmap, because I had five devotionals in their devotional plant and seeds. But God was giving me like an actual roadmap of what to do, write the thing, put the verse. So I'm just like, what else could I ask for? How could I think that he wasn't blessing it? Or that really I guess it was a way to think about how could I compare to other people and what they were doing after everything that he showed me? Just because maybe I felt like it wasn't a level that would have been like, oh my gosh, but God doesn't work like that. How he did that and how he used other people, they were really his hands and feet in the process. Right?
Sandy Kovach [00:21:48]:
He had a lot of lessons to show you. You went from being scared to do it because you didn't have enough and then you trusted Him. You took the first step and all these other things came together. People rallying around you and sometimes things work out super smooth, sometimes they don't. But you're right, there is generally a flow to things, and it sounds like it was specifically for you too, and specifically something that you can share with our audience. So what would your advice be if somebody has maybe it's not a book, but maybe it's another dream and they're scared because maybe it's later in life or maybe they don't have the finances or there's all these obstacles, but how do they know that it's something they should do? And then what advice would you give them?
Angela Scott [00:22:37]:
Well, I think knowing if it's something you should do is probably pray and ask God to give you guidance to show you if that's what he would want you to do. But I think in general, I would say just start, just start with what you have and where you are. There's a lot of things on the Internet. I mean, YouTube will tell you everything. I have learned so much. Google, start, do your research, talk to people if you want to do a certain thing. I don't know, maybe you want to open up a business. Well, maybe you'd want to kind of talk to somebody who already has a business and be eager to learn and try to understand the process. And I would also say too, whatever you're passionate about, because really, to me, whatever you're passionate about, you're going to be doing that already. You could be passionate about baking. You love to bake or you love to cook and feed people at the Fellowship of Food. So then that's the thing. It won't be hard for you to learn everything about that because you love it. And so you could take what you love about it now and maybe you can make it into a business. It's never too late. That's another thing. And it's never too late even to start again. As long as we are alive, there is a purpose for us. If God has put something in your heart, he wants you to take the step and then he will help you with everything that you need. But you have to trust Him with it. He will astonish you. Because his dreams for us, they're unimaginable. We can't even imagine them. And if I could say one more thing, run your race. Focus on your niche. Stay in your lane. That's a way that everybody can stay in your lane. It's very hard. And you will we're human. You're going to be like, oh my gosh, I wish I could do, or I wish this, or whatever. The other thing I want to make sure I say about that too, though. The person, and there was more than one person that I was kind of comparing my book to and things of that nature. But we have to be really careful with that too, because we don't know what someone had to go through to get what they had. We see them at the dream or the thing is fulfilled, but they may have had a lot of tears, a lot of rejection, and I'm sure they compared their self with someone else. The progress, things of that nature. Sometimes we want what people have, but we haven't necessarily put in the work. And we are not ready many times, right, because you want what somebody has, but are you ready? Because it's easy to get it, but you have to maintain it. That's the part I get all of that.
Lanee Blaise [00:26:06]:
You seem to me everything you're saying is the definition of seek first the kingdom of God and all these other things shall be added unto you. You had the faith. You started where you were. You prayed about it. You saw God's preparation in your life. These are the things that I want people to take away as they walk away from this episode. I wonder too, if people sometimes if we don't give ourselves credit enough for what we do have. I know that there are some very conceited people in this world who think that the sun shines only on them and that they're God's greatest gift to the world. And I'm not necessarily speaking to those people right now, but for the rest of us, I wonder if we should sometimes sit down and write down our strengths and our gifts and our talents and our passions and have it just laid out in a way that we can see so that we give ourselves some credit. We actually thank God for those things. I wonder if we also especially if some of our more shy people don't tell anybody what they're up to, what they're thinking about. I know that we have to be careful who we tell, because some people will discourage you more, some people will chastise you or scare you more, but there are other people. If you tell the right people and you prey on it, they will be those same people like you encountered who said, oh, well, I have expertise in XYZ, which you didn't have that expertise, and God's not asking you to magically know how to do graphic design and copy and edit and things like that. So he paired you with beautiful women who could help you with that. So there's the power of telling what you're trying to do to the right people, and there's the power of asking for help when you need to ask for help, and knowing that you will help others who come behind you. People are usually very helpful. I work in the TV and film industry, and it's not an easy industry, and it's always a long shot to get your work developed. But there are so many people who have helped me. They were busy, they didn't know me, they didn't have to help me, but they were just good people that God blessed me with. And then I, in turn, try to help other people. There's just so much to unpack from what we're learning today on supporting others and on getting rid of that comparison stuff. And like you said, running your race, or like God said, running your race.
Angela Scott [00:28:36]:
Absolutely. I really like that, writing it all down, all your dreams, all your desires. I have a board downstairs where I put my goals and my short term goals because I had to see it, I had to have a date, and it was okay if I didn't meet that date. But another thing that I would tell people, too, is every day if you have that goal, do something towards it. It doesn't have to be anything major. Maybe today you're going to do some research on A, B, or C. Maybe you want to be a baker. You're going to go visit a certain bakery because you want to kind of broaden your perspective on maybe other recipes or there's always something you could do to move you towards the goal. And I feel like when you do that, then it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Even when I was writing the Devotional in the beginning, I was so overwhelmed, like, you want to get a book finished? And so I actually went to a conference. This was through choosing him. Ministries I went to a conference in Alabama, and I took a class on writing devotionals, you know what I'm saying? I didn't know I didn't plan the conference, you know what I mean? But that was one of the classes, so I took it, and it was so good because the information that she gave was breaking stuff up so that you don't get overwhelmed. So one day maybe you write three days of the table of contents. The next day you might write one prayer that will go with your devotional day. Every day or every couple of days, it was something towards the goal. So again, in his Providence, all of these things come in together. And that was last year, June. And so in less than a year, I did the book.
Sandy Kovach [00:30:41]:
The book is yearning. Give us details on how people can pick that up.
Angela Scott [00:30:45]:
Yeah, it's on Amazon. And it's called Yearning. Daily encouragement to help you remain hopeful. Can you see? Yeah.
Sandy Kovach [00:30:53]:
Pretty. Yeah. For people who can't see because they're just hearing the podcast, it's a beautiful cover. So maybe since a lot of people are not watching the video, you can tell us a little bit about what they'll find when they open the pages.
Angela Scott [00:31:07]:
Absolutely. Thank you for that beautiful segue. It's a 25 day, which is a little different, but I said, Look, I really can do whatever I want, right? 30 days, 28 days, 21 days, whatever. So that's what I landed on. I really like this one, Counterfeit Soothers because when we're waiting many times we want to get other things to make us feel better or to help us while we wait. But that's not the purpose. The purpose is to wait well and to grow certain characteristics that God wants us to grow. Trust in God for his judgment. Sometimes we have to wait when we maybe have been hurt or disappointed, rejected, abandoned. The weight isn't wasted. A lot of it was cathartic to me because I lived for a long time in regret, because certain things didn't work out. And I felt like so much at that time was wasted, like a marriage of 20 years. It just didn't work. I felt like so much time was wasted, but that wasn't true. Actually. Nothing was wasted because I know I wouldn't be doing I wouldn't have wrote the book, I wouldn't be on Imagine Yourself podcast. Some of these things didn't occur. Wait and well, because we know that one of the fruits of the spirit is patience. But it's not just the ability to wait, it's how we wait. So wait and well, what are we doing while we're waiting? Because there's something to do. And usually it's something to do within ourself or a way that we could serve another person. And then my favorite, which is the last day, is holding the promise. And that's like the day that whatever that desire is or whatever that thing is, has come to fruition. And I have to say, too, that what we want may never come to fruition. Right. But God's best will. So it's a win win. So if I don't get that thing that I've been dreaming of or praying on, I will get something else and it's going to be better. I just know. I just know and I'm looking forward to what he has for me.
Lanee Blaise [00:33:45]:
That is beautiful. Tell everybody how they can. Reach out to you, or not so much reach out to you, but take a look at your social media presence, your YouTube videos, your website. What are the names for those?
Angela Scott [00:33:59]:
Okay. Well on Instagram, I'm at Angela's Agape love. And really on there, my link tree takes you to everything that I do. And then on YouTube, the same thing. Angela's Agape love on Facebook. Angela Scott.
Sandy Kovach [00:34:16]:
We will put all the links in the show notes
Lanee Blaise [00:34:18]:
Real quick, I just want to read one little passage from your book, yearning. It's from day 16, like sweet 16. It's at the very end. It says, lord, help me to see that you are the only one who can fill me when I put my trust in you. I am filled with joy and peace. Help me remember that when I'm faced with the trials of this world. So overall. We just want to thank our dear gift, Angela Scott, for sharing with us.
Angela Scott [00:34:49]:
Today you so much for having me so grateful for the opportunity.
Lanee Blaise [00:34:54]:
I just say to everyone, imagine yourself as you imagine yourself embracing the gifts and talents and personality achievements that solely belong to you. Imagine yourself living your life with God's, hand over your entire existence, god's eyes watching you with love and that you can trust that God made you wonderfully.
Sandy Kovach [00:35:19]:
Hope this episode was a blessing to you. We would love to hear your thoughts. You can find all our contact information at social media in the show notes as well as the ways to get in touch with Angela and purchase her book. Until next time, when we have something news you imagine be blessed.