There 's nothing like a good biblical story...and this is NOTHING like a good biblical story!
Mary Poppins jokes aside, this is a short story relating how Pharoah Contraraoh fared whilst trying to Make Egypt Great Again (MEGA). It contains one or two ripe parallels for our 21st century world - delivered with humour.
The Plagues of Egypt
And it came to pass that the people were sore afflicted by oppression, fire and pestilence that fell upon the land. And Pharaoh Contraraoh’s heart was hardened against the people.
His mind was filled with plans to build a mighty dam upon the Nile. His great desire was to see it writ in stone that only he could Make Egypt Great Again (MEGA).
And so the nobles came to the Pharaoh and said unto him: Knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed? And the Pharaoh said unto them, Knowest thou not yet how miserable the dribble is that emanateth from my shower? Let mathematicians make the dam, build up a decent head of water so that I may have a proper hair wash!
The nobles retreated, muttering to themselves, So this is what he means by MEGA… And their legs did begin to shake in fear of further madness.
So the Vizier came unto the Pharaoh another day and said unto him: Surely, Your Excellency, a dam will drown the valleys all around. Thousands upon thousands will die in the flooding of the villages.
‘Losers’, saith the Pharaoh.
And so it came to pass that Mo Biding went unto the Pharaoh and said to him, You have told my people in the valleys that none can make a boat to escape the Flood. LET MY PEOPLE ROW. Nor can my people in the cities protest in the streets against being smited by the cops. LET MY PEOPLE SHOW AND FLOW.
Nor, he continued, can my people that liveth by the sea have a coastal vote. LET MY PEOPLE VOTE.
And it came to pass that the people could not work. They could neither sow, hoe nor mow. Mo Biding said unto the Pharaoh, LET MY PEOPLE -
ENOUGH, said the Pharaoh.
And the afflictions upon the people did increase. Fire joined fire until the land was all aflame and both the righteous and the damned were in fright of immolation. And the children did choke, for the smoke thereof did darken the sky and enter every hovel bereft of air conditioning.
And so did the mathematicians get busy inventing tubes that rose ten cubits above the smoke, for that the sickest might breathe pure air. Yet did the Pharaoh provide too little silver for their making. The priests entreated him, saying, Surely, for want of these new tubes the children and the sickest will die.
Suckers, said the Pharaoh. Besides, we already have more tubes than needed. The Phoenicians love our tubes. Can they get a sufficiency thereof? They can not. Be gone.
And so from Vizier to nobles, priests to soldiers, and slaves to broadcasters of seed, the people knew there was no way forward with Pharaoh Contraraoh.
And so it finally came to pass that God smote the lying shammer round his silly hairdo, razed his palace to the ground and kicked him down the street.
And now, Mo Biding said, LET MY PEOPLE GROW.