Fallout

Loneliness, personal tragedy, and the enduring power of friendship combine in this moving, modern short story. Two women from different cultures, Kath and Suzu, together deal with the consequences of random circumstance and life-changing loss. 

Transcript

Fallout by Patrick O’Connor

Characters & Cast

Kath Scamp, a widow – S-J Vant

Suzu Yamashita, a Japanese woman living in the UK – Heledd Hart

Okosan Yamashita, Suzu’s former mother-in-law in Japan – Jane Pulford

FX intro music, then fading down

Announcer

We present Fallout, by Patrick O’Connor.

FX intro music out

Kath

I realised, when my husband Christy passed away, I had no friends of my own. I couldn’t seem to make any.  

What saved my life was the garden. Gardening had always been Christy’s thing, but I kept it going as a memorial. It was like he was still at my side when I was planting the carrots and broccoli or doing the weeding or watering the flowers out the front. Then I started to enjoy it for its own sake.    

Me and Christy were the first on the Avenue. They were still building the other houses when we moved in. We got to know everyone. We were in and out of each other’s houses, helping out with the kids and fixing what didn’t work after the builders were gone. It’s all changed now, of course, all my old friends and neighbours either dead or moved away. When Christy died, the incomers actually avoided me whenever I set out with my shopping bag, busy with their mowing or washing their cars or hurrying by with just a nod.  

So, the garden was a great comfort.  

But there were still days when the loneliness was like a knife in my heart.

One day in Spring, the postman knocked at the door and asked could I take a parcel for the woman opposite at number 54? It was too big for the letter box, and she wasn’t answering. I said I’d be happy to, and I signed for it. The name on the parcel was Mrs S. Yamashita. I’d been curious about her for a long time - but I kept it to myself. Christy’s grandad had been a prisoner of war in the Far East and was very bitter about it. Christy grew up with all those stories about the Japanese in the War. He wasn’t inclined to talk to them.  

She was younger than me, her children still at home. But, like me, she was on her own, had been for over a year. I’d no idea then what happened to the husband…Anyway, when the parcel came, I was excited to have the chance to introduce myself and perhaps invite her over for tea, like we did in the early days of the Avenue.

When she was back from picking up the children from school I went across with the parcel.  I rang the doorbell and waited. I could hear her and the daughter talking quite loudly. It was odd. She was speaking in Japanese and the daughter answering in English - and in quite a strop, I have to say. And just when I was thinking, Oh dear, I’m not ready for this, the door opened and all of a sudden there she was. So close I could smell her perfume.  

Her face had a slight frown, but it was young-looking and pretty.  

Sorry to bother you. Mrs Yamashita? This parcel came for you when you was out.  

Thank you, she said, that’s very kind, I hope it was not a problem.  

Her English sounded very good. But, before I could get my invitation in, she was closing the door.  

Oh, I said.  

Yes?, she said.  

So I got in quick: would she like to come over, have a cup of tea, anytime to suit? She looked sort of puzzled and just then her son shouted from inside. 

That’s mine, give it back. Tell her, Mum.  Mum!  

Oh, not a good time, is it? I said. Sorry. And she said, No, no, thank you, but please, you must come to me. You are the lady with a most attractive garden, yes?   

Mrs Scamp, I said.  Kath.

Tomorrow? she said, and she gave me such a nice smile that I forgot to be offended.  

That’s how it started. And when it stopped, I was so sorry.  

Suzu

In the difficult time after my husband Taro left the family, Kath Scamp was for a short time my gardener. In my old way of thinking, I mistook her offer of assistance as a mark of her class. It appeared to suit us both; I needed the help, and she had time on her hands. She refused to consider payment. She was evidently very capable, so I accepted, despite my reluctance to engage a near-neighbour.  

My trust in her was broken, however, when I suspected she had taken some ornaments from my living room. Mrs Scamp said nothing in her own defence and cut herself off from me. 

She is a very proud person. I know this now and admire her for it, but then I did not understand. When I discovered later that my son Rikki had taken the ornaments to school for a project, I had it in mind to apologise. But, well, I was experiencing troubles of my own and time passed.   

FX music

Kath

I was woken in the early hours that Sunday. A blackbird was singing its heart out. It wasn’t even dawn yet. I lay there for a while, stupid thoughts buzzing: like, no one cares whether I live or die. When it was light enough, I got up and made some tea. I took it into the front room and pulled the curtains back. I glanced across the road to number 54. There was something odd about their front lawn, like a shadow that shouldn’t be there.  

It was her husband’s body, hanging under the apple blossom.  

FX music

Suzu

Back from the school run, I was alone in the house when the doorbell rang. It was Kath, come to express her condolences, the only neighbour to do so. I invited her in. Despite my anxiety about what our renewed acquaintance might bring, we were soon in earnest conversation. We spoke of family, of memories, of things better forgotten or let be.  

But there was still a great wall between us.    

When we began to speak of loved ones outside of family, she said she had only one friend.   She said it without self-pity; in fact, there was a hint of anger in her voice.  

Finally, I understood. I saw all the ways I had misjudged her, the hurt I had caused. She started to cry and soon we were both crying like abandoned children, each in the other’s embrace, crying for all the wrongs in the world we could do nothing about, crying for the pain life had brought us both.  

FX Music

Suzu

Today Kath and I watched together as Mr Obama made his speech in Hiroshima. He said the souls of the dead are asking us to think about who we are and what we might become.   Kath was very quiet.  

Later it was sunny, and we sat in the garden.  

FX birds singing, continuing in the background

Kath

I can’t imagine it. All that horror.

Suzu

Well, those grainy photographs and films are so…distancing, so impersonal. But, of course, it has real meaning for me. One of my great uncles and his second wife lived in Nagasaki.  They died - not from the blast, but slowly and painfully from the fallout. The rosemary over there is in their memory.  

Pause

Kath

Suzu, can I ask you something? About your husband?  

Suzu 

Of course. Kath, please: you can ask me anything. 

Kath

About his suicide. Was it because he felt some sort of shame?  

Suzu

Ahh. About what the papers called his “business failure”? No, they were wrong about that. But I will tell you everything. First: more tea.

FX tea being poured

Because of many errors my husband had made, it had cost the company a lot of money and it led to his dismissal. But this was not why he killed himself.  

For a reason I did not understand, he had begun to drink. The more he drank, the more things went wrong for him.  He also became increasingly aggressive towards me. It’s difficult to believe now how much he changed over, perhaps, a year.  

One day, he suddenly accused me of being unfaithful. He began to threaten me, pinning me against a wall, shouting obscenities, his hands at my throat. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. His face was red and ugly. I no longer recognised him as my husband.  

Kath     

Unbelievable.

Suzu

Well, it’s true.

Kath

No, I mean, I can’t imagine…Didn’t he talk to you about his problems? My Christie never lost his temper with me, not once in thirty-five years.  

Suzu

Well, yes, I tried to get him to talk. Of course. But it resolved nothing. It felt as if he were always keeping something back, something he couldn’t admit to himself. Meanwhile, his violence continued, and I began to fear for the children since they were protective of me.  Finally, when I could take no more, I confessed my unhappiness to my parents. My father, whom my husband revered, told him to leave.  

Kath

That must have brought him to his senses, surely. I should hope he apologised.

Suzu     

No. He did as my father asked and went home to Japan. But then, something extraordinary happened.  I had a long-distance phone call from his mother. 

FX phone ringing and then picked up

FX both characters speaking by phone

Okasan

Suzu? It is Okosan - I…

Suzu

(Interrupting) Okasan, I wish you no disrespect, but you must know that my marriage to your son has ended. 

Pause

Okasan

He is not our son.  

Suzu

What?

Okasan

Listen, Suzu. This is not easy for me but let me explain. We love Taro and we always will.  But he is not the child I gave birth to.

Suzu

Okasan, don’t be silly. What are you saying?

Okasan

There was a mix-up at the hospital. Taro and our son were swapped by mistake by the nurse who had taken the two of them for a bath. When we finally found out, Taro took the news very badly.

FX phone speaking off

Pause

Suzu

Okasan and I spoke for an hour, at the end of which I angrily put the phone down on her.  Such nonsense. What did she take me for? Yet, over the following days and weeks, I began to come to terms with the facts about Taro as she had relayed them to me.  

Taro was really the child of a family living in a poor area of Nagasaki. Had he been brought up by them, he would not have had the same chances he enjoyed with my parents-in-law.   He had an excellent education. Otosan Yamashita secured him a place as an apprentice engineer with Mitsubishi. He rose steadily through the ranks until he was made a divisional chief executive in France, the youngest CEO in the company. 

Suzu

The other boy - the Yamashita’s real son - could find only the most menial work. Later he was obliged to give up even that to care for his parents, both of whom suffered ill health and disabilities. But when he found out about the swap he sued the hospital for depriving him of a more fulfilling life. It was national news. He was awarded millions in compensation.  

Kath

It’s like a fairy story.

Suzu

Yes. Stranger than fiction. It was two years ago that my husband learned the truth about his natural and adoptive parents. He was deeply affected. Taro had always felt totally deserving of his comfortable life, as a reward for loyalty and hard work. He found it difficult to accept that he might equally have suffered a life of great hardship.  

Kath

But, even so, it still went wrong for him?

Suzu

Yes. It was then that he began to drink and to make stupid errors at work. After his dismissal, he became reliant again on his adoptive parents. His sense of entitlement was completely shattered. And he could not own up to the truth – to himself, let alone to me.

Pause

Kath

Weren’t you shocked when his body was found? You seemed so calm in the following days.  

Suzu

Well, it was not a complete surprise. You see, some weeks before, he wrote to me. He was wretchedly sorry for the way he had treated us. He hoped I would forgive him, but said my forgiveness would not be enough. He had to pay for his faults through an act of repentance. 

I knew what he meant. I thought only that he would carry out his intention in Japan. My more immediate concern was how his suicide - and all the publicity surrounding it - would affect the children. I was desperate for Rikki and Kim to finish their education here.   

Kath

How are they coping?  

Suzu 

It could be worse. Taro’s death has brought us closer together, particularly Kim and me.  Rikki has been suffering from, well, you could say the fallout….cruel comments in the school corridor, online bullying, and so on.  He tells me he's fine, but I worry for him…  

Kath

Suzu, I’m afraid I have to go.

Suzu

Oh. I am so pleased we talked, Kath. I’ve never spoken about Hiroshima or the affairs of my family to an English person before. 

Kath

Oh, come here!  

FX hugging

Suzu

Will you forgive me?  

Kath

(Pulling away) What for?

Suzu

Everything. My mistrust. My stupid accusation. Being so blind to your wish for friendship.  

Kath

Suzu, it doesn’t matter now, does it.   

FX front door opening

Suzu

It was a clear night as Kath finally left. I stood on my doorstep and watched as she crossed the road. She opened her front door, turned and waved. I waved back. 

She laughed. I realised – I had never heard her laugh before. 

FX closing music, fading down 

Announcer

In “Fallout” by Patrick O’Connor, Kath was played by S-J Vant, Suzu by Heledd Hart, and Okosan by Jane Pulford. It was produced and directed by Jim Newberry, with all sound effects magic created by the masterful Robbie Burgess. It has been a joint venture between Uptick Productions and the Chatting Tracks podcast.