Today's episode is really a good conversation.
We discussed how we can overcome our setbacks.
If we're talking about the setback itself, there's a lot of times that there are things that are outside of our control. Whether it be a health issue, or the economy or a job loss. And so a lot of times we just have to go, "Okay. This is this is my reality right now. This is the circumstance. Now, what do I do about it?"
You can have a few people that you can feel comfortable sharing with that aren't gonna judge you for it. That's the hardest thing. That's probably why we don't usually vent and internalized so much is because we've been told by so many different people that the way we feel is wrong. And you have no right to complain or if it is a concern to you, you have a right to have that concern. Other people aren't going to think that your problem is as big as their problems. But if it is a big problem to you, then it is a big problem you can vent out.
Also, you can just have a notebook that you're just writing out all of your thoughts. Because we've internalized stuff for so long that we kind of need something that's going to draw that out for us. But the important thing is to write out everything you're thinking without any negative judgment towards yourself.
To know the steps in detail, we suggest you listen to the whole podcast episode. You'll definitely get helpful ways on how to overcome your setbacks in all aspects of your life.
Links mentioned in this episode:
2022 Seed Varieties
Pampered Gardener Box by Kitchen Botanicals
The Self Sufficient Life
Not So Modern Living
Episode Sponsor
Kitchen Botanicals
Use code GROUNDED for 20% off your first purchase.
If you enjoyed today's episode and you love this show, can you help us convince others to listen too? All you have to do is leave a quick review and rating (and subscribe if you haven't already). That would mean the world to us. Thank you so much!
Today's episode is really a good conversation.
We discussed how we can overcome our setbacks.
If we're talking about the setback itself, there's a lot of times that there are things that are outside of our control. Whether it be a health issue, or the economy or a job loss. And so a lot of times we just have to go, "Okay. This is this is my reality right now. This is the circumstance. Now, what do I do about it?"
You can have a few people that you can feel comfortable sharing with that aren't gonna judge you for it. That's the hardest thing. That's probably why we don't usually vent and internalized so much is because we've been told by so many different people that the way we feel is wrong. And you have no right to complain or if it is a concern to you, you have a right to have that concern. Other people aren't going to think that your problem is as big as their problems. But if it is a big problem to you, then it is a big problem you can vent out.
Also, you can just have a notebook that you're just writing out all of your thoughts. Because we've internalized stuff for so long that we kind of need something that's going to draw that out for us. But the important thing is to write out everything you're thinking without any negative judgment towards yourself.
To know the steps in detail, we suggest you listen to the whole podcast episode. You'll definitely get helpful ways on how to overcome your setbacks in all aspects of your life.
Links mentioned in this episode:
2022 Seed Varieties
Pampered Gardener Box by Kitchen Botanicals
The Self Sufficient Life
Not So Modern Living
Episode Sponsor
Kitchen Botanicals
Use code GROUNDED for 20% off your first purchase.
If you enjoyed today's episode and you love this show, can you help us convince others to listen too? All you have to do is leave a quick review and rating (and subscribe if you haven't already). That would mean the world to us. Thank you so much!
Welcome back to the Grounded in Simplicity Podcast. This is Bonnie from the knots modern housewife and I am joined by my friend Danielle from the rustic elk. And we are here to help moms find more joy in being less busy. Today we're talking about overcoming setbacks. I had posted recently on social media about some of the health issues that I've been going through for the last year.And just in general, I think the last two years have been a set one giant setback for like, the entire planet. And I know it's,you know, it's really caused a lot of mental health struggles for everyone. And that's, you know, even if you weren't dealing with any other health issues or financial issues. So that's kind of that's what we're going to talk about today is how we can all get through all of that. So, Danielle, how you doing today?
Danielle McCoy:I'm here, my foot hurts. Talking about setbacks,
Bonnie Von Dohre:Right. Do you want to talk about your foot?
Danielle McCoy:No, no, it's painful. It's super painful,like it hurts on I'm just sitting here. So
Bonnie Von Dohre:and it's just it's a bone spur, right? It's not even anything. Oh.
Danielle McCoy:Well, now apparently, I just walked on it.But I have plans for fasciitis and Achilles tendinitis.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Good times.
Danielle McCoy:And I didn't have Achilles tendinitis until she sent me to physical therapy.So
Bonnie Von Dohre:and now it's overused and it's angry.
Danielle McCoy:Yeah, it's really, really angry. So my physical therapist, I had did an evaluation. When I was there the other day, I don't remember what day it is. What day is it? It's Friday to start robbing Wednesday. And he apologized multiple times because they're not supposed to make it worse are supposed to make it better.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, well,and I think the tough thing with the Achilles tendon is that it's always so tight anyway.Especially as we get older and so I don't think it takes a whole lot to set it off.
Danielle McCoy:No, probably not. But I can't even walk without being well, I can't even sit here without being in pain.So that's Thanks. Have you got anything for it ha inflammatories or anything?I can take anti inflammatories.They don't work. It does nothing. Because you don't have very much blood flow down there to the bottom of your foot.Right? Because it's so far away.And yeah, it leaves a lot of blood flow to it directly anyway. So
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, when I had my tendinitis, it was in my hands. So Motrin could at least take the edge off. But I still had to do steroids and I did some cortisone injections. Good times.
Danielle McCoy:I did the cortisone injections. Yeah, I only have three a year by the way.
Bonnie Von Dohre:My limit Luckily I didn't need that many of them but yeah,
Danielle McCoy:Well you can have three a year in the same spot I should say you can't write more than three times here in the same area so but I did those The first one was very effective. The second one not so much. The third one did nothing so I've heard that is that the more often you get it the less that works. So yeah, well I hope first Feeling we're there for like three three weeks. The second one was like a week and then And yet I keep getting notifications on my watch that you're closing your rings every day. So you're not doing a very good job of staying off your feet I don't get notification well,you probably don't close your rings but
Bonnie Von Dohre:I actually I woke I don't have my watch on right now. I close my rings yesterday I drugged Matt to a yoga class. Oh, I actually closed my rings before we got to the yoga class. So I like went twice around. But yeah, that was pretty exciting. So I think I'm actually going to go to the gym after this and just jump on for a bit it's it's charging in the car.
Danielle McCoy:Okay. Only 15miles this week
Bonnie Von Dohre:only. Only?
Danielle McCoy:Well I average like five and a half to six miles a day. So that's low when you don't have tendinitis.Well,
Bonnie Von Dohre:or even when you do
Danielle McCoy:stuff I gotta do. I have struggled through the pain.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And right there is where our setback conversations going to start.
Danielle McCoy:Talk about how to cope you just deal with it.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, okay.Yes. So it's really tough when one when you're a mom anyway,but then also when you're a homesteading mom, because anything that's that puts us behind then makes us feel even more guilty because now we feel like we're never gonna get caught up as is evidenced by all of the text messages I get from Danielle every single day No, I am not okay. I am not saying that. You you try to take on too much. And then when you don't get it all done, then you beat yourself up about it. Don't even tell me you don't do that.Exactly.
Danielle McCoy:I did not take on all these animals just well.Okay, that was Microvision.
Bonnie Von Dohre:That's true.So, all right, yes. One thing that we can do is cope.However, if that does, like so
Danielle McCoy:I think I think if we're talking about the setback itself, there's a lot of times, like there are things that are outside of our control.Whether it be a health issue, or the economy or you know, a job loss, something like that. And so a lot of times we just have to go okay. This is this is my reality right now. This is the circumstance. Now, what do I do about it? Because, you know,kind of wallowing in self pity isn't going to be productive for anyone. And so, you know, we just have to, yeah, like, I mean, it can feel very overwhelming. And some things are a lot easier to cope with than others. But I think maybe acceptance is a better word or never. Yeah, anyway. All right.So what do you have any strategies for how you cope with it? If when things happen? Other than just muscle through it?And?Well, yeah, but we're going to talk about some of them so
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, that's true. We're gonna talk about our different methods for coping.And then also, yeah, just kind of how we can reframe or whatever. Alright, so let's just get in. Let's keep going. All right, you go.
Danielle McCoy:Okay. So when you have a setback, you can, you know, try to figure out how to reevaluate your priorities so that you're not trying to take on too much like me. That you know, when your husband brings home..
Bonnie Von Dohre:I'm not saying you're, I am absolutely not saying you're the only one who takes on too much. I am the poster child of taking on too much.
Danielle McCoy:I'm not. I'm not judging.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Anyway,alright, so you're evaluate. One thing I will say that helps me really with the reevaluating piece, is putting it down on paper. Because a lot of times,if it's all in my head, I start spiraling, and it feels a lot bigger than it actually is. So if I can, if I put it down on paper and get it out of my head,and I can actually look at it,it's a lot easier for me to like strategize and kind of see exactly what I'm looking at without all of the the thinking and the overwhelm and the overthinking that tends to come
Danielle McCoy:Don't say when you're dealing with like,along with it.especially like health setbacks.reevaluation could mean you know, like you're taking some of those things off of your plate.Whether you wanted to or not like it can help you when you write it all down and all the things that you would like to do but then you realize what you're capable of doing. And you you know, you can take like say you were gonna grow 500 tomatoes, I don't know who would want to grow five and maybe Bonnie wants to for 500 tomatoes.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Some of these seedlings I'm going to be stuck growing 500 tomatoes.
Danielle McCoy:I have you seen I showed you mine?
Bonnie Von Dohre:I don't know if you have. Oh yeah, because they were growing like taller than the shelf that they're on.Oh, Yeah, they're going past me like Girl Like,
Danielle McCoy:I've moved them twice. They're staked up there and a half gallon pots of soil.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Are they still inside? Because you have to wait until like, middle of the month,isn't it? What after mother's day before you can plant outside?
Danielle McCoy:Yeah, like the tent. And so I was going to pull them out and start hardening them off, but it's pouring down rain and really windy. And I'm afraid that it's just gonna make it. Broken tomatoes. Yeah, it's not worth it. But anyway, so if you wanted to grow 500 Tomatoes,maybe you cut it back to like,100.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, and also like, I know, and I this is something I struggle with,believe me, when it comes to the animals, and sometimes when something comes up, either if it's a health issue, and you're just not able to, like, maintain and care for that many animals,or if it's a financial issue,and right now, like, you know,feed prices are going through the roof, we can't find hay prices are going through the roof. So if taking care of the number of animals that you're taking care of, it's becoming too much of a burden. Then being okay with downsizing one way or another, whether that's sending some to the butcher or selling some, you know, it's, you're gonna be much better off, like selling them now. And then repurchasing new animals down the road when you're in a better place than trying to maintain all of that through a setback.
Danielle McCoy:Great. Hurry going on to the next one.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah. So on to Venting.
Danielle McCoy:Venting This is Danielle's favorite.
Bonnie Von Dohre:That's because Bonnie is so good at internalizing all of her problems.Don't be like Bonnie, find somehow that to
Danielle McCoy:Be you met sometimes to me once.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Sometimes other I will say like something really has to get me riled up for me to start venting because otherwise, stuff will happen.And like I don't have the words for it. So therefore, I cannot vent because I don't know. I don't have the words. I don't. I can't
Danielle McCoy:I think I've experienced one venting episode with you. And I don't think that we'll share that.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I was probably mad at my husband was a die.
Danielle McCoy:You were very mad at your husband.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Okay, yeah,that would make sense. Yeah,we're not gonna share that went on the air. But yeah, have a few people that that you can feel comfortable sharing with that aren't like, that aren't gonna judge you for it. I think that's the hardest thing. And I think that's probably why I don't vent and I internalized so much is because I've been told by so many different people that the way I feel is wrong. And that,you know, like you I have no right to complain or I look, if it is a concern to you, you have a right to have that concern.Yeah, your other people aren't going to think that your problem is as big as their problems. But if it is a big problem for to you, then it is a big problem.Right. So, you know, yeah, like I said, Have
Danielle McCoy:I find venting to like people like you, of course, but I also meant to other people, by the way.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Other people you talk to?
Danielle McCoy:You know what?Yes, yes, I do. Um, anyway,venting, okay, people that are outside of your local circle can sometimes be helpful because then you're you don't have to,you know, how do I say this? I don't have to look you like look at you face to face, except maybe once a week.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Okay, valid point.
Danielle McCoy:No, but you know, you don't have to have that. I don't know, uh,sometimes you'd be awkward if you vent to somebody that's, you know, that you see on a routine basis, like in real life versus venting to somebody who is, you know, far detached from your reality, right. I know what I'm trying to say.
Bonnie Von Dohre:But there's always that fear that you're going to share something personal with someone and that it like it's going to make the relationship awkward. Because maybe they took it the wrong way or they like you overshare or I I'm really another reason why tend to internalize things because I have a long history of oversharing. And I actually did that, like I had another mom that Now granted, I mean, we weren't super close, we were really only in the same circles because we go to the same church and our kids are roughly the same age. But I just, I was having a really rough time I needed someone to talk to. And so I vented to her. And like,she's hardly said two words to me since and that has been years ago. So it definitely can happen. But also at the same time, like, it was probably better to, like, learn that then, and learn that, you know,she really wasn't that good of a friend. And I really couldn't share a lot of intimate details with her. Not that I was getting that intimate, but you know what I mean? And, you know, some sometimes it is, it is better to let the chaff fall away. You know, because you have to ask yourself that, like, if that is how they're going to behave, if that's how they're gonna treat you. Were they really that good of a friend to begin with? Was that really someone that you needed to be spending your time with?
Danielle McCoy:Right. And then let's move on to this one since Bonnie apparently internalizes everything, okay.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I have I have to share, because I'm actually really excited about this one. I have been doing a lot of journaling and meditating and hypnotherapy lately, because my brain is broken, and I'm trying to fix it. But so I got this book. And for people that are listening to the podcast, it's the act daily journal. And its act is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Have you heard about this? Let me see if I can for people watching on YouTube. I really liked this. So it's, it really goes in line with what we're talking about. And so it's talking about, like, your inner critic and the negative self.Thoughts that you'll you know,say to yourself that you internalize, and it's just working through all of it. And it's reframing all those negative thoughts. And so there's like, there's a page that you read every day, and then the next day is like asking you questions, or, you know,you, you journal about it. So I really, I like this, I really like this, I'm only three days into it. But it's, it has made me feel so much better just in the three days. So I'm, I'm really, really excited about that one. But you don't, you don't necessarily need like a workbook. I mean, you can just have a notebook that you're just writing out all of your thoughts. I like having the workbook because I do better with prompts. Again, because I've internalized stuff for so long that I kind of need something that's going to draw that out of me. But the important thing, I think, is that, write out everything you're thinking without any negative judgment towards yourself. No one else is going to read this. And none of none of your thoughts, all of your thoughts are neutral. All right,so if you know, anger is neutral. If you are angry about something, then really you should ask yourself, like what is what is causing that reaction? Is it a thought, Is it a circumstance? And so you just write everything out. And then you go back and you look and you see if there's trends or patterns, or maybe there's some things you know, some thoughts that are not serving you that you need to reframe it and think about, you know, a different way to think it. But like I said,the important thing is not to not to judge any of the thoughts that you're having.
Danielle McCoy:There's there's another journal, and it has a prompts. And I thought that's what it's called, but I just looked it up. It's called the burn after writing.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Oh, I haven't heard of that one.
Danielle McCoy:And so it it has prompts to help you self reflect and all of those things, kind of like the journal that you're talking about. But I liked the title of it, because like you said, nobody else is gonna read it. So burn, right? Yeah, so that's another one that I've heard. I haven't personally used it. I don't use props,typically. But I've heard that it's like it makes you kind of laugh.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, that makes sense. So, yeah, yeah, I will sit there and like look at a blank page and not know what to write. So having the prompts really helps me.
Danielle McCoy:Yeah, I'm a writer by Well, I'm, well no,but I know but I mean, I'm, I'm one of those like, I used to write poems and, like, I've spent my entire life like self reflecting on paper, and then right or later.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And that's I did too. And it's funny. In high school, I had a notebook that I had all my poems, and I actually entered some state poem competitions and things like that. And when I lost, like, I lost the notebook, although I suspect that a boyfriend stole it. I couldn't write it. Like I couldn't write poetry again. I don't know why it was like all of the inspiration just gone.
Danielle McCoy:Was your muse.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Something?Yeah. I don't know. It was It was strange. And I mean, in granted, like, the same boyfriend that I suspect stole it. It was a very manipulative,abusive relationship. And so I there was a lot of things I was going through at the time that the notebook went missing. So I mean, sure, that kind of played into it a little bit. But then yeah, and then I just started writing more stories and things like that, I've still got a story that plays over and over in my head that one of these days I'm going to write, I'm going to actually put into a book, but I don't know. But there's still some times where I just, there's like too many other things going on in my head. And so when I am trying to write about one specific thing,that's the one thing I can't think of, right. So, anyway, all right. Next, this is one of my favorites. Give yourself grace.This is actually I'm also listening to an audio book right now that it is called How to keep house while drowning. I think that's what it's called.And it's funny because I'm listening to it. And I'm like,gosh, this girl sounds familiar.And then I realized I follow her on Tik Tok.But it's yeah, how to keep household drowning. Like she talks a big part of her message is to give yourself grace. And I think it's hard in this day and age because one, we don't extend. We're not extending grace to anybody else, either. I mean, we're living in called cancel culture where you make one mistake, and we're never going to let you live it down.And so we end up, we end up doing that to ourselves, too.And one thing that drives me nuts, like, I will get very,very angry at someone who expects me to be perfect.Because I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm human. And if you're just standing around waiting for me to make a mistake, I'm going to make a mistake.
Danielle McCoy:Like, alright,just.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, just give me a minute. It's common,don't worry. And so it's like,yeah, I mean, that makes me angry. Because I'm like, I'm not trying to be perfect. I don't want to be perfect. And I don't want anyone to assume that I am perfect. And no, but I mean,granted, yes, I am also the first one to criticize myself and beat myself up over stupid stuff. But you know, a lot of times like these, these voices that play in our heads that tell us all of these things that are wrong and negative. It's all it is, it's someone else that has told us this in the past. And so we have to remind ourselves that like, you're, you're worthy,you're allowed to be human,you're allowed to make mistakes.The fact is, you don't grow if you don't make mistakes,
Danielle McCoy:Right. We're not our learning experiences.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Exactly. So,you know, I mean, like, we like we said at the beginning of this is some setbacks are bigger than others. And there's gonna be a lot of times stuff is gonna happen, and it doesn't make sense. And you're like, what is the lesson that I'm supposed to be learning from this? And it I mean, the reality is, it sucks because sometimes the lesson isn't even for ourselves. It's for someone else who's watching,right? Or it is to, you know,mold us and for Justin into who we're supposed to become, which also sucks, because it's like,you know what, I was happier back there. Ignorance is bliss.Can I go back to that?
Danielle McCoy:But at the same time, you know, once you once you get to the other side of it,it's usually you know, like,when you realize why you had to go through whatever transformation it was that you had to go through, like, you know, there was there was a method to the madness, and you usually wind up on, I don't know, I don't want to say better, but at the same time,that's the only word I can think of right now. Cuz it's Friday,my brain is not working.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, yeah,there's, I mean, there. Yeah,there's a lot of things that I could go back and look at and say, I wish that had turned out differently. I wish I had done this differently. And yet, at the same time, I wouldn't, if any single thing had been different, I wouldn't be where I am now. Right, exactly. And I'm thankful for where I am now. So as painful as some of that stuff was, I have to be thankful for those things that happened because it's what brought me to this point. Right. And hopefully, 40 50 years from now,I'm saying that about the crap I'm going through now. So all right, onward, how to overcome.I'm gonna let you lead this one because I've been talking entirely too much.
Danielle McCoy:You always talk entirely too much.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I'm trying to be a better person.
Danielle McCoy:Like nothing that pick on me, so
Bonnie Von Dohre:Please pick on me.
Danielle McCoy:I'm not going to pick on you.
Bonnie Von Dohre:This episode was brought to you by Kitchen Botanicals, your sustainable gardening headquarters, stopped by kitchen botanicals.com and get a look at our 2022 seed varieties as well as supplies and pest control products to help you with your organic garden 2022 is a great time to take care of yourself with our pampered gardener subscription box. Every month you'll receive all natural self care products,untreated heirloom seeds, high quality garden tools, organic garden amendments, cute and practical supplies and fun products that we know you'll love. This is your opportunity to take care of yourself in the garden, I started the pampered gardener subscription box.Because I had gone through a time of not taking care of myself and dealing with the stress that it put onto my body I was ill I was tapped out and I felt like I couldn't possibly pour any more out of my empty cup. So I created the pamper gardeners subscription box for women like me who wanted to get back to what they enjoy, but also wanted to love themselves.So we've put together this collection of gardening and self care products that are geared towards women who love to garden, you'll get things such as gloves, lotion, bags, hats,sunscreen, mosquito repellent,things that you can actually use but also things that you'll enjoy. And don't worry, there will still be plenty of gardening tools, seeds, we've created a subscription box like no other by gardeners for gardeners order your own box today.Okay.
Danielle McCoy:How to overcome,overcome. Okay, are we just gonna go through the points?
Bonnie Von Dohre:Alright, so we're gonna talk about how to actually overcome getting getting past a setback.
Danielle McCoy:Okay, so, um, my favorite one was avoid comparison, which kind of goes back to that whole, you know,give yourself some grace thing,I think because you were talking about how we tend not to give ourselves or anyone else grace.But I think that we fall into that comparison trap because everybody's online and to look at these, you know, snapshots of people's lives that are just,you know, little itty bitty snapshots like a moment in time,and their life slick, infinitely more perfect than your life does. And so I think that it tends to make us compare I know that I look at some other people I'm like, how the heck could they possibly do this? This this, this and this, when in reality, they probably don't. It just looks like they do online.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Right? They have more help behind the scenes or they scrambled around for two hours to make everything picture perfect. Just they could take that one photo. Yeah, right. I don't
Danielle McCoy:like those like,like, home decor feeds. I like farmhouse kitchen feeds and stuff and like, No, I mean,their house kitchen has a stock tank. Well baby goats in it.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I mean, is it really a farm bathroom? If you don't have baby chicks? I mean,really? Yeah, I know. And it's in the tough thing is, is, you know, those, those folks,especially in the homesteading space who try to be real and try to show the reality of their life, then get slammed because they're lazy or they're abusing their animals or their you know,whatever, right? And it's like,okay, look, first of all, you probably haven't actually done the thing yourself, if you are so quick to judge why it looks on someone else's Instagram feed, right? But also like, just don't be that person. Because all you're doing is you're, you know, it's, this is probably the same person who is feeling bad about themselves, because their life, their home doesn't look as picture perfect as everyone else. But then when they see one person who's showing the reality, then they're going to dog them because it should be living up to the standard of everyone else. Well, do you realize what you're doing to your own mental health when you do that? And like, let's, let's stop setting that bar so high. I mean, I'm not against high standards, I am against impossible standards.
Danielle McCoy:Right? Well, I think you know, because, like I said, we see all these, you know, little itty bitty snapshots of moments in time,and they all look perfect, and they're all curated all these things. And we compare, you know, our reality to the fictitious reality that we see online of other people's lives.And also that, you know, we talked about before, you know,society successes, busyness,right, the more the more busy you are, the more successful you are. So we feel like, you know,if we're not going 100 miles an hour that, you know, we were not successful, or we didn't do this right, or we're lazy, or whatever it is. And then, you know, we also compare ourselves to that, you know, like somebody else, like, I walked five miles yesterday, well, you didn't walk five miles yesterday, that doesn't make one or the other better. I'm just using that as an example. I didn't walk five miles yesterday.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, you know, yes, I would, I would love to be able to get all of my steps in and eat healthy and educate my children and get all of my work done. And this, this,this and this, but I ready to tap out at two o'clock in the afternoon. Like,
Danielle McCoy:it's not even about 10 today. Right?
Bonnie Von Dohre:I mean, it's like,and it's there, there are some days where, yes, I, I check all the boxes over here. I still got all these boxes that didn't get checked. But you know, I have to, I have to be okay with that.Because as long as I'm checking off the boxes on the things that are a priority to me, that other stuff can wait. Right? And I realize people are gonna get upset about it. But at the end of the day, I'm the one living my life. And I have to make sure that my life is taken care of first.
Danielle McCoy:Right? Well, and you know, the whole thing of don't compare your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 12.Because, you know, like,especially when you're talking about people in the online space, they may have been doing this a lot longer than you, they may have had experience, you know, and been brought up in the homesteading lifestyle or whatever. And so or they might have a degree in horticulture.Who knows. But it doesn't mean that you know, just because your garden is full of weeds and food that it's any worse off than their garden.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Right? Yeah,it's whatever it may be. And there's always going to be something that someone else is better at than you. But that also means that there's going to be something that you're better at than other people. Right? So I mean, that's not to say that we can't improve ourselves and we can't learn to do things better. But again, it comes back to you know, that person is good at that, because they made that a priority for them to learn.And they've been practicing it for a long time.
Danielle McCoy:I think that's why I think community is so important and learning, you know, finding, finding your community and finding people that can help you with things that you're not capable of doing or don't want to do or don't know how to do, or any of those things. And it also falls back to setbacks. When you have a setback. If you have that community with you, then you can, you know, you can kind of lean on them.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And you can have someone else to kind of pick up the load a little bit for you
Danielle McCoy:Right. So you can, you know, pick up the slack and not have to, you know,solely try to rely on yourself just like my foot, I have to figure out how to force my kids to help me because I can't.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, well,yeah, and I mean, I, you know, I really went through the same thing with my eye last year, I literally spent a month in bed,like I couldn't, light was too painful, I had to have my blackout curtains drawn all the lights off bedroom door closed,I couldn't look at a screen because screens were too bright.So I literally just laid there and listen to podcasts and audiobooks for a month. And so my kids had to step up, my husband had to step up, and whatever else, you know, it, but they still had their own stuff they had to do too. So everything else had to fall by the wayside. stuff, you know,stuff couldn't get done as quickly as I wanted to get done or stuff, you know, not on the frequency that I wanted to get done. But that was just a season. You know, and even after that, I mean, it's still It took months to get used to light again, and be able to drive again, and, and, you know, plus there was all of the, the doctor's appointments and having to travel to those. And so I can, you know, I can look and see it, all of the other progress that other people have made throughout the last year.But I have to remind myself, all of this stuff that I had to deal with, that prevented me from making that same progress. But I've got this year, you know,
Danielle McCoy:Which leads us into this one,
Bonnie Von Dohre:Be positive.So I have a love hate relationship with us.Because
Danielle McCoy:How can you have a love hate relationship with positive?
Bonnie Von Dohre:Let's think about who you're talking to for a minute. No? No, because you've got a lot of people, they're like, Oh, well, all you have to do is just wake up and think happy thoughts.
Danielle McCoy:Yeah, well,that's not really what I meant by being positive.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Because look,sometimes you need extra help.You know, when, especially if you've had a setback that's really put you behind, and the idea of trying to catch up? And honestly, like, did we have? Do we have a thing for talking about catching up? Don't worry about getting caught up. But if in case we don't get to that?
Danielle McCoy:No such thing is behind? How about that?
Bonnie Von Dohre:There we go?Exactly.You start, you start where you are, and you go from there, you know, and every little bit helps. But sometimes just it even getting started feels completely overwhelming. Because you look at it all. And you just, you just don't know where to start. And so, you know, it's okay to ask for external help.It is okay to get on medication,if it helps with your mental health, the mental health part of it. But yes, to some extent,you know, there's a lot of like we talked about with the journaling, writing out your thoughts, writing out all of those things that are not serving you. And then look at how you can put a positive spin on it and reframe it, so that it becomes a thought that does serve you that is going to create the feelings that is going to help you to take action. Because if you keep with that negative spiral, then you're never going to get unstuck.
Danielle McCoy:Right? Well,just like you said, you know, it was just a season, I think that looking at things from that perspective is kind of looking at them from a positive perspective, simply because, you know, if you think of it as this is never going to end, I'm going to be like this forever, I'm always going to be behind or you know, whatever it may be, like,my foots always going to hurt or your eye or
Bonnie Von Dohre:this is just how I am, right? I'm just not the kind of person that does X,Y and Z. Right? Well, that's not true. You could be if you wanted to, right? But maybe you don't want to, and that's okay, too.Like you don't have to be the extrovert that does all of the things and is always on time and oh, you know, like, you don't have to be
Danielle McCoy:Because Bonnie is never on time.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Exactly. I'm okay with that. Most of the time
Danielle McCoy:You were on time today.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I was I mean I still had to go chase my dog and but anyway, that's another story. I got so I got to the studio late. But now that thanks to my new computer, I did not have to wait a half hour for it to boot up once I got here.
Danielle McCoy:So that's why you were on on time,
Bonnie Von Dohre:I still had to screw with my webcam, but it's at least functional. So there's that. But yeah, as I'm driving out the gate, the Great Pyrenees decide to make a run for it. So I had to chase her down the road and yep, so that technically 18minutes late.
Danielle McCoy:Earlier, she says the ghosts are out. And I'm like, Oh, crap, the goats are out. And she's like, they're just running around. And I think that she means that they are out. She just meant that they were out of the shed. Oh, man. I thought she meant they were out and I'm gonna help out get out.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, I need to, I need to figure out what's going on with our electric fence because the goats keep going like we have high tensile wire.And we have run extra lines. So because of the goats, because when we first installed it was just for horses. They're like big gaps between the wires. But I don't think all the wires are electrified, but it's still remained. I don't know. That's not even the point. They're going through the fence and they are touching the electric, the electrified wires to get through this fence to go to another paddock so they can eat grass.Because they have eaten everything in their paddock and we're in the middle of a hay shortage. So I go out. And the problem is, is that it's not just that they're they've gotten out of their paddock through this back paddock. They've also gone through the gate. So they're in the yard and all of my girl goats are right outside the boy goat pen. Right. So they see me they all go running back through the gate back through the fence so that they are all in their paddock like nothing ever happened. Except for one goat, who apparently decided that she was going to go another way. So I go to go and feed them and she is sitting on the outside of the gate to get into their pen while everyone else is inside the gate. Like looking at her like how the heck did you get out? I'm like, You were all out two minutes ago so I don't know why you're jealous. My animals are a whole other layer of setback like we could talk about the fact that I spent hundreds of dollars on fruit trees only for my goats to eat them all.
Danielle McCoy:They ate your apple trees.
Bonnie Von Dohre:No, they have not eaten the apple trees yet the apple trees are still alive.The apple trees are the only thing still I took it back I have some katok and some ginger that is hanging on. Everything else is done.
Danielle McCoy:upstream. I have a lavender and I just cut it back a little bit. And it's not really it's starting to kind of green up underneath like it's gotten in growth. They ate it.Oh, made it. I don't know if it's gonna live. I've got new new lavender growing that I started from seed, which I'm proud of myself because I've never successfully started it from seed.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I'm going to I will try lavender again this fall I haven't done lavender in a while. It's just It doesn't do well in the summer here because it's so prone to fungal issues and we get too much rain. So that's why now I'm hoping if I started in the fall and then it has all winter to get established. Maybe it'll be able to survive a summer. If I do like there's so I learned the trick certain ones that are better for Florida than others.
Danielle McCoy:If I cold stratify it am I actually germinate so I think we talked about that once before, because then I was wondering if Rosemary would do the same thing.My Rosemary sitting out there doing nothing so I don't know. I cut it back to but it's not my limit balls back. My lavender was back. I've got I'm gonna go meal all over the place that's all over
Bonnie Von Dohre:between your lavender and your camel as a nice relaxing tea to help with your setbacks.
Danielle McCoy:Yeah, there you go for your setback if you don't eat at all
Bonnie Von Dohre:All right, so let's get on we're gonna run out of time. We don't keep going.All right, I allenge and not problem. Oh, yeah. So I have so I can honestly say I have done this most of my life not necessarily with challenges, or I mean with setbacks. But as a horse person, I like mares. And a lot of people do not like marriage because of their attitudes. And personally I can I have a deep connection with marriage because I can relate to them on a foundational level but anyway. So I've always like I've always seen challenging animals as like, like I want to tackle that. Which this could also kind of, like define most of my dating life. But when it comes,yeah, when it comes to like,prot like personal problems, I guess it depends on the problem.Because sometimes things can feel like, the challenge is too big. And I can't do this all by myself. And I know I like, I realize a central theme of this podcast is we're not supposed to do it all by ourselves. But me being me, who loves to internalize everything, I don't see any of the other people that could possibly help I only see me.I'm all set I mentioned,delegating.
Danielle McCoy:You should stop internalizing everything. That should probably be your number one goal.
Bonnie Von Dohre:That's what I'm working on. That's why I have the book.
Danielle McCoy:Okay, that's so kind of like internalizing it,though, because nobody's
Bonnie Von Dohre:gonna read the book. No, but putting it on paper gets it out of my head.Because then I can look at it,that I can look at it, and then it makes it more concrete.Because when it's in my head,then I can overthink it. But if it's just there on the paper,like I can't, I can't grow it into something. It's not. Does that make sense?Yeah. All right.So do you have any examples of framing a setback as a challenge, as your foot a challenge to be overcome? Or your children a challenge to be overcome?
Danielle McCoy:I think, you know, like, my foot, for instance, is definitely a problem. But instead of looking at it as a problem, I have to look at it as you know, a way to overcome the adversity and find ways to work around it. So if I can frame it as a challenge,then I'm just, you know, looking at ways that I can, you know,force my other challengers, also known as my children, to help me out or, you know, like, learning to delegate, of course, I have that same problem, I look at myself as the only one that can do X, Y, or Z, instead of the fact that I have three able bodied children that could, you know, do 90 For some of the stuff that I do. But I think that you can frame just about anything is a challenge instead of looking at as a problem. So if you're looking at it from that, you know, kind of more of a positive mindset, instead of it being I'm stuck this way, I'm always gonna be this way,whatever it may be, that your issue is, if you look at it from a challenge standpoint, that you can find ways to overcome it.Whereas if you look at it from a problem perspective, then you can't really overcome a problem.You can solve it, but it's not really the same thing as finding it's
Bonnie Von Dohre:like it doesn't go away challenge,right. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So that kind of goes into our next one,which is focused on action. The way I like to look at it, this is kind of I don't know, I guess it's kind of along the same lines as streaming as a challenge. But I just I look at what we can do to fix it. Like,it's kind of one of those things where, alright, I don't like the way that this is going. I don't want to be stuck here forever.What can I do to change this?And really just it, it doesn't even necessarily need to be like huge action, but just incremental things you can do each day to keep moving towards that.
Danielle McCoy:Great. I think I've put it I'm I put it up there as more of a don't focus on what you can't do. But focus on what you can do. Right? Yeah,like, I can't walk 10 miles a day, but I can probably, you know, struggle through
Bonnie Von Dohre:for, right. Or maybe I can do five minutes, and then I need to take a break.Right, then I can get up and do five more minutes,
Danielle McCoy:right? Yes,maybe? Until the end of the day.By the end of the day. I can't walk. Yeah, like but yeah. crawl to the bathroom. It's that bad.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And that's why you should set limits and tell yourself I probably push myself too hard today. Well, worth the fight of that. All right, next.Okay.
Danielle McCoy:So we'll do this
Bonnie Von Dohre:celebrate your successes. Yeah, but the problem with tendinitis is you push yourself too hard and you don't let it rest. It's never gonna get better. All right. Not walk.Well.
Danielle McCoy:I still have to go to the bathroom.Okay, this is I mean, I guess you could could could get up bedpan. But anyway,cook dinner, I have three kids they need to eat, I want to eat,I like food. That's why homestead. I've decided this because I like food.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Honestly,that's probably a big part of my motivation too. When you go to culinary school, and you'll learn that all of these big chefs were like, the reason they were able to create these groundbreaking recipes was because they had a, like, close relationship with local farmers.So they were able to get the specific produce that they wanted for the recipe. It's like, I could grow that produce,like, I don't even need the farmer.
Danielle McCoy:I'll be my own farmer, be my own
Bonnie Von Dohre:farmer. All right. Celebrate success. A lot of us too is like this. This is really rooted in psychology. Or even I mean, you really want to break it down really simple.It's like dog training. If you want to change behavior or ingrained behavior, you need to give a treat. So we're
Danielle McCoy:not going to talk about how fluffs dogs.
Bonnie Von Dohre:It's right there, anyway. But you need what you need to treat yourself like you need it. And even if it is just to make it suck a little bit less, you know, you've,you've had a setback, it feels overwhelming, it feels too big.But if you can make even an incremental bit of progress,then reward yourself for that don't focus on all of the stuff you still have to do. And again,this goes back to there is no such thing as being behind. You know, if you set small goals for yourself and reward yourself for those small goals,
Danielle McCoy:and those goals can be as simple as you know,your kids ate dinner. I mean,you know, or you took a shower,it doesn't even have to, like pertain to anything. That's actually what society would deem productive. If, if it's something you know, like, you know, you fed your kids or you took shower, then, you know,let's still, at least in my mind productive and could definitely there are definitely days where if I fed the kids, then, you know, that was my success for them.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And you deserve a glass of wine or a bath with the bathroom locked,like, right, right? Yeah,because honestly, if we wait until only rewarding the big wins, we are going to get so demotivated that we're never going to see the big wins,because we're going to give up because it's going to feel too far away.
Danielle McCoy:Right. And you know, your celebration can be something you know, like just patting yourself on the back. Or it can be a glass of wine or some chocolate or ice cream or you know, some kind of indulgence, whatever you want it to be. But make sure that you you know you reward yourself in some way, shape or form for no matter how big or small. That success.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Because honestly, my reward most days is just alone time.
Danielle McCoy:I don't even know anymore. This is my alone time. Well,
Bonnie Von Dohre:I managed to get out of the house without any children. So I'm gonna run errands after this. And that's gonna be my reward for surviving this week.
Danielle McCoy:I did. I did that after physical therapy. I went and bought Mother's Day gifts. So that was my lunch, I guess. I guess. I wouldn't smell candles. Why not? I bought some for myself. So
Bonnie Von Dohre:Oh, there you go. I'm gonna go get some more stuff to pamper my feet because my feet need it.
Danielle McCoy:I don't want to talk about your feet. And my feet really needs some something.
Bonnie Von Dohre:There my we're not gonna talk about Wi Fi right now. Okay. Can setbacks be prevented? Sometimes? Sometimes.I mean, yeah, I think that there's certainly some things that we can avoid. If we avoid procrastination, if we try to stay kind of ahead of the curve with certain things, then yes,we can avoid setbacks. But I mean, aside from not living in Florida, there's not much I could have done to prevent a fungal infection. Like my doctor was just like, this is just something that happens in Florida. He's like, I never saw this in Ohio. I've only seen it in Florida. Like it's just
Danielle McCoy:it's like my foot, you know, aside from not walking I probably really couldn't have prevented what happened to it? I mean, when you talk about like, health setbacks, I don't really think that any of them can really be prevented. I mean, living a healthy lifestyle could prevent X, Y or Z but not necessarily because some people are and dispose to X, Y or Z.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Right? I mean,it could Yeah, it could lessen your chances, but there's some people that it's gonna, they're gonna get it regardless. And honestly, this is why I really can't stand all those people that spread the message of, you know, do XY and Z and you won't get cancer, because especially having lost people very close to me to cancer. That's, like very disrespectful to them. Saying that somehow, somehow, either they brought this cancer on themselves, or they deserved it.No. Right. Because some of them in particular, were some of the healthiest people I know. One guy, he owned a GNC, he took all kinds of health supplements. He was a runner, he very, very active person. And we still lost him for setbacks in general, I think it comes down to hope for the best prepare for the worst.Right, you know,
Danielle McCoy:I think you should look at everything that way. But, and like I said, I don't think and I have to agree with you on that, you know, if you did this, and you could prevent that type of thing. I can't stand when people do that.I hate when I read that about heart disease specifically.Because, like, I have heart disease, but it's not anything I did or didn't do. I was born that way. So, right. It's, it's very, very frustrating to me.And they're like, Oh, well, you know, you could have just because you're genetically predisposed, you know? No, no,that's not it at all. You know,some people are just predisposed to it. Yes. But at the same time, some things just can't be prevented. It's just, you know,it's in your genes. And that's just the way right. God made you so. Yeah.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I mean, even with my eczema like, okay, yes,I could say that. It's probably from chronic stress. And if I had had less stress in my life,then maybe I could have prevented getting eczema. But there's no way for me to know that. And honestly, I had doctors for years telling me I needed to reduce my stress, but not actually giving me any idea of how to do that. It's really easy.
Danielle McCoy:22 That's just life. All right. I mean,especially like the past two years. Well, I know but you know, the whole you know,prevent stress thing. I think there are coping mechanisms for stress. Right, but I don't think
Bonnie Von Dohre:that's like everyone, everyone has stress.Exactly. Some people can handle it better than others. And like,I can handle weird stress. Like put me in a war room. And there's like bombs going off and sirens and like I'm that is like my that's my zone. Right well me in a room with kids that are like Mom, mommy, Mom, mom, mom,mom, mom, mom, mom mommy either like my my
Danielle McCoy:yep, I definitely should have been a first responder because all of that stuff like my husband. He like freaks out at the like littlest thing and I'm just like, sway do I'm like in my zone. I can do all the stuff.And
Bonnie Von Dohre:right. Oh,yeah. Well, if he freaks out,like we had, we had a rescue horse that ran herself into the fence. And like literally ripped her chest open. And my husband wanted me to go take care of the kids and make dinner and he was gonna hold the horse while the vets ditched her up. And I take like, he turned green. And I'm like, You go inside you go make dinner. I will. I will hold the horse. I have I have been in a live agent, chemical defense facility with vx and sarin, like live agents, and detecting them and decoding them. And like I thought that was the most fun thing I'd ever done in my entire life. I mean, you know, I I wasn't laying on the floor twitching, so everything was fine. But But yeah, like just I don't know, just the day to day stuff. And the and the not getting that opportunity to recharge and not getting that alone time and not getting that knee time that so many moms are so starved for, like that is what really piques my stress level. And that's that's like everyone talks about they don't know what kind of what to do for self care or self care feels so unattainable. It doesn't have to be anything super complicated.Right? For me that's that's self care literally is like locking myself in the bathroom, locking myself in my bedroom, going getting out of the house by myself and going to a coffee shop like it's that's all I need. Just writing down with a good book. But I
Danielle McCoy:I like to do the books or I'll just like sit and zone out and watch Law and Order. There's that.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I know, my only problem with because yeah,you know, I'll sit there, scroll tick tock for hours, but it doesn't really like it doesn't recharge me like, like reading does. Right? So anyway, all right. Um, so I guess we're gonna close with be open minded because obviously your kids are ready to explode. I think it goes back to giving ourselves grace. And like, even though you and I had a reason for it, you had a reason why we do think yes,
Danielle McCoy:yes. Oh, I know,because I read on the thing. And it said that being open minded.So narrow minded people have usually experienced more setbacks and open minded people,because you're looking at it from this narrow minded perspective of everything's a problem, versus being open minded and seeing everything as a challenge. And you're less likely to even view it as a setback, even if it is technically a setback. That was my entire point with open.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Okay. And I think, kind of a little bit different spin on that is it's a lot like fixed mindset versus growth mindset. If you have that fixed neural mindset, you see things as this is the way things are, this is the way things are always going to be. Right. And if you see it with an open growth mindset, then you see that anything can be overcome.And everything is just temporary. And you know, if it's, if we are stuck here,because we don't have the skills that we need to get to that next point, all we need to do is we need to learn those skills,right? Are we to find that person, that mentor that's going to help get us past that. We're never stuck. I know it can feel that way. But honestly, if we just sit and we wait for things to get better, or wait for things to happen, it's nothing's ever going to change. But that same
Danielle McCoy:time, you know,like, I feel like when you feel like you're stuck, and you're like spiraling, you know, like going back up to, you know,where you're venting, or you're writing it all out in your journal or, you know, you're externalizing that in some way,whether it just be writing it down, or venting to a friend or whatever it may be, I think helps you kind of get out of that. I feel stuck. And you know, that fixed mindset, or at least it does mean because like,if I text you and complain about it, like 20 minutes later,whether you said anything to me or not usually I'm like, you know, it's but you put it out
Bonnie Von Dohre:there. Yeah.Right. And I think it can go either way. Because I think that if we stay stuck in those negative thoughts, then they can breed more negative thoughts as well. Right? So, yes, put it out there. But you've got to do that extra work to reframe it. And think like, really, really think about, okay, yes, I know, that's what I'm feeling right now. But is that the reality? And is, you know, like, is there a different way to look at this? Do I need to see it from somebody else's point of view? Or, you know,maybe I just need to kind of step away from it a bit and come back to it and look at it from,you know, fresh eyes kind of thing.
Danielle McCoy:And never view anything as permanent? Because it's not, you know, yeah. Like,everything's gonna change. It's all a season, you know, and it might be months from now, but it's not, you know, your current reality is not always going to be your current reality, it's always going to change at least on some level.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And yes, some seasons can be a lot harder to get past than others. Some seasons take a lot longer to get through. But really, anything can be overcome, anything can be changed. Sometimes it's just a matter of just doing those tiny little things every single day until you start to see results.All right, I think that is going to do it for today. I think this is I enjoyed this talk. I think this was really good today. So I have not given a shout out to our Patreon recently. So if you would like to buy us a cup of coffee, show us some support,you can go and check us out on Patreon. Otherwise, you know we've got our Facebook groups,you can find them linked to our Facebook pages, the Rustic Elk and The Not So Modern Housewife.And I think that is going to do it for today. Just remember don't let the setbacks keep you stuck. Have a good one.Thank you for listening to this episode of the grounded simplicity podcast. If we were able to help you in any way,please share this episode with a friend. And also leave us a review on Apple podcasts. You can also join us over on Patreon at grounded simplicity and help to support this podcast as well as become a patron and get a behind the scenes. Let's look at the creation of our podcast and even have some input on future episodes.