Are you tired of feeling like you have to conform to society's expectations? Are you ready to learn how to live an authentic life? If so, this Grounded in Simplicity podcast episode is for you!
In this episode, we help moms shake off the feeling that they need to conform to society's standards. We know it can be difficult to hold boundaries when everyone around you seems to think they know what's best for you, but it's important to remember that you are the only one who knows what's truly best for you.
We also talk about how society often judges women who don't conform to its expectations, and how this can be incredibly discouraging. But don't let the haters get you down! You are living your truth, and that is an admirable thing. Keep doing you, and don't let anyone else tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing.
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Grounded Simplicity Podcast. If we were able to help you in any way, please share this episode with a friend.
Are you tired of feeling like you have to conform to society's expectations? Are you ready to learn how to live an authentic life? If so, this Grounded in Simplicity podcast episode is for you!
In this episode, we help moms shake off the feeling that they need to conform to society's standards. We know it can be difficult to hold boundaries when everyone around you seems to think they know what's best for you, but it's important to remember that you are the only one who knows what's truly best for you.
We also talk about how society often judges women who don't conform to its expectations, and how this can be incredibly discouraging. But don't let the haters get you down! You are living your truth, and that is an admirable thing. Keep doing you, and don't let anyone else tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing.
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Grounded Simplicity Podcast. If we were able to help you in any way, please share this episode with a friend.
Hello and welcome back to the grounded and simplicity podcast I am Bonnie from The Not So Modern Housewife. And I am joined by my good friend Danielle from the Rustic Elk. And we are here to help moms find joy in being less busy. We have been off for like a month and a half. So welcome back. Life happens. Let's see. So Danielle had surgery on her foot, and we opted out of doing any episodes while she was on biking. And then let's see my dog needed emergency surgery, my air conditioner went out my refrigerator went out. Oh, and then don't forget, my dog tried to swallow the hamster. And then, oh, we had to replace the dishwasher. I still have no air conditioner.
Danielle McCoy:So I had surgery and life went to hell.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Because I also lost I lost access to kitchen botanicals and my email. So fantastic month. That's what this that's what happening over here.
Danielle McCoy:Well, but it was a new month. It's a new month. Now. This is a new month is almost over though.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I was like it's almost September. Half the crap you
Danielle McCoy:just said happened happened in July?
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, last week of July? Well, it's just it's taken me this long to like try to get my head back above water. But I mean, we're almost we almost have kitchen botanical. I mean, technically, kitchen botanicals is live. But we almost have everything back up and running over on WordPress. And it might actually it might actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise. As long as you know, I survived the stress of it. So Oh, and don't yeah, we also don't want to forget that my doctor, it might be changing up my diagnosis and my meds for my stress related eczema. Anyway.
Danielle McCoy:So it's been eventful. My foot still isn't better. So don't ask.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, I mean, it's it's not as swollen. It's not better. I'm sorry. It still feels like someone stabbing you even when you're sitting in chair. Well,
Danielle McCoy:he got rid of that pain. Lets go. But now I can't walk because it feels like my ankle was broken. Like every time I tried to take step.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Have you talked to your doctor about this? I mean, that might be the first step.
Danielle McCoy:Well, you know, I did mention it to him when I went and he's like, Oh, it'll go away. That's not super helpful. No, it's not. And you know, the back of my heel, I'm pretty sure I've got some Achilles tendinitis going on. And I think that's from being in that booth for so long. Whatever.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Whatever happens? Well, and that's what's interesting with the doctor wanting to change my diagnosis. So we've been treating my skin for eczema for like four years now. Yeah, because it started when Simon was one, he just turned five. So it's literally been we've been treating this for four years, a couple years, even before I had Simon. I started getting really, really bad tendinitis in my hands. And so you know, I went through medication for that physical therapy and everything. And now they're thinking it is psoriasis. Which could have actually been the pain in my hands. It may have never been tendinitis, which will be interesting, because if this medication works, can I go back to milking my goats? Or do I? This is where you
Danielle McCoy:go with this?
Bonnie Von Dohre:Obviously
Danielle McCoy:not I'll feel better and I won't have you know, as long as I use my hands, better thing I
Bonnie Von Dohre:just wonder if I can vote. And I mean, the medicine I've been on has been for the most part controlling it. It's just that I still get flare ups. My foot is a hot mess. And my nails well, they have grown back still, like those four that I almost lost are still like pitted and just they look funky. Like they just don't look like my regular nails. So So do they
Danielle McCoy:use the medicine that you were on for psoriasis or do they only use it for eczema?
Bonnie Von Dohre:It's only for eczema, because it only it only clear up because it's targeting that the inflammation. This is not where we're supposed to be going with this episode.
Danielle McCoy:I'm getting ready to segue into what we're talking about. All right,
Bonnie Von Dohre:so, so I was on dupixent. And so it is it's specifically targets to different proteins that cause the inflammation that cause the eczema symptoms. Those same proteins also are what cause nasal polyps and asthma are the symptoms of Nasal Polyp, right?
Danielle McCoy:As I've seen, I've seen commercials for rights for asthma.
Bonnie Von Dohre:So it's controlling the inflammation in the skin. So it's controlling the symptoms of the syrup. ISS buy
Danielle McCoy:don't use that they use something different because why what is the other medicine do that that doesn't so
Bonnie Von Dohre:be the one that's for psoriasis is more of a broad spectrum, biologic, which means that it will have a greater impact on my on reducing my immune system. Okay, so, yes, there are like there are negatives to that. They're like there's a reason why they wanted to try the dupixent first.
Danielle McCoy:They've been doing it for like two or three years now. Well, and you went on it.
Bonnie Von Dohre:It's been it's been like a year and a half. Is that Well, not to mention my arm still, it's really bad. But yeah, so you get
Danielle McCoy:plaques though? Don't people with psoriasis get. I worked with a woman she got these like real gnarly plaques on her arm. Not like I don't.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I've never gotten really bad. But when like when I started losing my fingernails, they were like, that looks like psoriasis. And they did a biopsy, then yeah, I remember that. Right. But the biopsy came back atopic dermatitis, but they're like, it's very possible that they just grabbed the wrong cells. I mean, or you know, and it's one of those things. It could be both at the same time. There's my wife saying, fine, isn't it fun? biologies just awesome. This is why I preferred chemistry,
Danielle McCoy:to school for biology and pre meds. stuff fascinating.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I took a lot of biology because I was going to do pre veterinary science, but I still like I've always been math oriented. So chemistry made more sense to me. Biology, it's like there's just too many variables. And too many too much memorization.
Danielle McCoy:I like biology, and I hate all the formulas and stuff. That's yeah, the same physics I like
Bonnie Von Dohre:I like the formulas which segues
Danielle McCoy:into talking about often we're talking about math.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Oh,
Danielle McCoy:about authenticity. All right,
Bonnie Von Dohre:so I'm going to talk about the inherent problem with talking about anything homesteader related on the internet. You get a lot of people that want to gate keep this lifestyle. And so if you're not doing things 100% The way they think it should be done, then you're not XYZ. You're like, if you're not 100%, self sufficient, and 100% organic and 100% bla bla bla bla bla, then you're not, then you're not a homesteader. Or you're, you're you're doing it wrong, or whatever. And then comes the issue with anything, anything animal related on the internet. And you cannot like even share a picture. Unless the animals living inside and wearing a costume. Because you're abusing your animal, you're neglecting your animal, you're like someone is going to find something wrong with how you're living your life and how you're doing your thing. And requires
Danielle McCoy:thick skin. But yeah,
Bonnie Von Dohre:it does. But at the same time, like, you know, there there are a lot of content creators out there that have really ruined the whole niche or genre or whatever of homesteading, because they've put in people's minds that livestock or pets. And I'm not saying like that we shouldn't be taking good care of our animals. But they take things like one step beyond. And now our livestock our pets, and they need, like air conditioners and rugs and they need to come in the house and wear diapers and like I mean it's romanticized it. Well, right. Yeah. And it's like it's, it's completely unrealistic for most people. It's not even, like, that's not why I got into any of this. And I mean, you know, I know you've gotten attacked for talking about, you know, calling hens that don't produce anymore, or, you know, butchering animals for me or whatever.
Danielle McCoy:I got attacked and told that they were going to put me in their freezer, like I put meat in my soy, right? Like, well, it's organic.
Bonnie Von Dohre:But I just got a comment on YouTube this morning that I've already deleted. So if anyone tries to go out there and find it, you're not gonna find it. Because I delete these on a regular basis. But I have a video about how to tattoo rabbit ears. Okay, a when you have a dozen Californians and they all look the same. If you don't have a number in their ear, you can't tell them apart. b You can't show your rabbits unless they have a number in their ear like they have to have identification. And so, I have a video on how to tattoo rabbit ears, and I use a clamp. Because to me, it's a whole lot faster to do the clamp than tried to sit there and write with the tattoo pen. Right? Not to mention my handwriting isn't that good, and it would look like a hot mess. And that's what I'm familiar with. That's what I've always done, I have figured out a way to do it as quickly and painlessly as possible. Yada, yada, yada. And yet I get all of these comments about how cruel it is, and how horrible of a person I am. And then the the one this morning was even, you know, assaulting my parenting skills, because my son is in the video, and I am teaching him that this is normal. And, you know, it's like, how do you be authentic with that? When, like, you really do have to kind of protect a part of yourself. And yeah, you gotta have thick skin, but at the same time, like you just some of these people are crazy. You don't know what line they will cross?
Danielle McCoy:No, I know. I thought a lot about that, before I even started a blog, like, I almost wanted to be like some anonymous, nobody because, you know, I don't want to put myself it's not that I don't want to be in the quote unquote, public eye. But at the same time, the internet is a vast place. And literally, anyone around the entire world can see me know what I look like, I know what I sound like know, my mannerisms and how I speak in all these different creepy ass things if you ask me. And I didn't know if I even wanted to put all that out there. Because I'm like, I don't know, if I want people to know anything about me. Like, you know, they know where I live, they don't know how my address like God, but you know, they know where I live. And you know that I have animals and like, you know, they know what my kids looked like at this point in my life. And I didn't know if I was comfortable with all of that. And so yes, I think you do kind of have to protect a part of yourself. But at the same time, I feel like so many people, especially in this niche are so inauthentic. Well, yeah. And there is like tidbits of you know, the best parts, or the parts that they don't feel like are going to ruffle feathers. And I feel like at this point, you have to ruffle some feathers. Because if you don't, and you don't show people how to tattoo the rabbit's ears or, you know, butcher the chicken or whatever it is that makes you know people uncomfortable because we're so detached from our food, then you're doing yourself, your children and your audience a disservice because he was gonna show him how to do that stuff. Right?
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, and I and yeah, that's it. It's, it's tough, because with big tech, you know, censoring so much like, we do walk a fine line. Because, like, I, I have yet to put any butchering videos out. Right? Because I'm worried that it's gonna get flagged, and then my whole YouTube channel is gonna go down. You know, I mean, and even even something as simple as like castrating piglets, like, and I mean, I learned how to do it by watching YouTube videos. But that's no guarantee that, you know, I couldn't lose my channel over it. So yeah, there's little things like that
Danielle McCoy:are like, flooding goats, because that's a big controversy. And, yeah,
Bonnie Von Dohre:yeah. And there is like, I want to keep a part of myself in my life. Right. And I think that, you know, we talked, we talked about, like, how, you know, we want to help moms and other women kind of shake off that feeling of needing to conform to society. And a lot of a lot of our society right now just thinks that they're entitled to like, every aspect of your life, right? And to know, every little thing. And it's like, no, you don't, you don't have a right to that. That's, that's mine. And I'm going to keep that in mind. And so I think that it kind of becomes about holding boundaries. And, you know, yeah, we're going to make some people angry while while we do that, but that's more of a reflection on them than it is about us.
Danielle McCoy:But it's so I think it's hard in our world to figure out and I'm not just talking about us, as you know, bloggers or influencers or, you know, what have you I'm just in general, I think it's very, very difficult for you to feel comfortable being whoever you are. Because, like you said, everything, you know, you feel like you have to conform and be whoever somebody else says that you're supposed to be right. Like you have to you know, like, we shouldn't butcher animals we should all be vegan or you know, it's all become this you know, like taboo topic for you to actually be comfortable in your own skin because you're always I mean, everyone's online, and everyone's posting something. And, you know, that may or may not be public. And it may only be visible to people in their inner circle, but at the same time, I know, like, even for like my private personal pages, I think before I post, even though the people that are on there are just my inner circle of family and friends, I still have to think about what other people are gonna think about it instead of just posting it, or you know, and then you think about people who feel uncomfortable even doing X, Y, or Z, because somebody is going to find out through the internet that they did X, Y, or Z not that thing was illegal or bad. It just, it's not what's expected of them. And so how do you be who you feel like you're meant to be, without, you know, because life's too short to be somebody else. But at the same time, it's like everybody wants you to be who they want you to be, and their version of you. And not whoever you feel, it makes you feel uncomfortable in your own skin to be who you want
Bonnie Von Dohre:to be. Right. And that's like, I've seen this quote, and I'll probably butcher it, but it's something along the lines of, there's a, there's a different version of you living inside of everyone, everyone else's head who meets you, right, and so it's, you know, you can't you you, no matter what you do, you can't change that version of you that's inside their head. And so, you know, we were kind of talking like before we started recording, talking about family and how, like, they will probably always see me as the 16 year old who, you know, make stupid choices. And, like, even to this day, there are there's stuff that I will share in my other groups, because I know that, like the other moms in those groups will get it that my family won't get it. And so I won't share it to my personal profile, because they're not going to understand and I don't really want to hear their opinions. But I think to like, when we think about the people that they want to, like project, this curated image of their life, I think a lot of that does kind of come back to like perfectionism and a fixed mindset. Like, they're, they probably have this image in their head of this person they're supposed to be, they don't feel like they're living up to it. So they need to put out these photos that show. It almost gives them like a sense of confidence to be able to show that hey, for this three seconds that I took this photo, I had my ship together, right? The whole three seconds,
Danielle McCoy:but I'm gonna portray it as you know, I have my shit together for hours, at least if Right? Or, you know, I always have it together because,
Bonnie Von Dohre:right? Well, that's when I was running around trying to find the tripod for my camera. And I'm like, Donnie can never be on time.
Danielle McCoy:Let's see. We were supposed to start this two hours ago, by the way.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I lost track time. Um, anyway, it'll be worth it. In the end. I promise. I'm working. I decided to build another website. Okay, so anyway, aside from that, I'm like tripping over stuff. And like trying not to kill myself just walking from one end of my house to the other. And I'm like, wait a second. We spent the entire weekend cleaning and decluttering and organizing. Like, it's only Wednesday.
Danielle McCoy:I know. And I keep thinking it's Friday, and I don't know why.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I can't think it's Tuesday. Like or like, it's like it can't be this far into the week. It's only like Monday or Tuesday.
Danielle McCoy:I thought yesterday was Friday. So today should be my Saturday. I don't know why I spent all day yesterday thinking it was Friday. Probably because weekend.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Probably because you went to town yesterday. Probably because you went grocery shopping. But I don't ever go grocery shopping on Fridays. But don't like because you just went to Costco like on Saturday, right? Yeah. So is it like grocery shopping usually your weekend thing? Yeah. No, I don't know. I'm just okay. I don't know. Like, can
Danielle McCoy:we only go a couple times? Like, we don't go to the grocery that often? Like yes, every couple months. So
Bonnie Von Dohre:what do you do for milk? That's always the thing I read.
Danielle McCoy:And fresh bread. But you know, like to actually go grocery shopping. We only go every couple months because our freezers are full of me and I buy like frozen vegetables and canned goods and stuff like that. Besides. Plus, right now we actually have some vegetables so no, you barely but I mean early.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I apparently have not in Florida. I apparently have like five pounds of carrots that because I accidentally bought too many so I have to I have to do something with all that. Other than just feed them all of the guinea pigs. I peel them and freeze them. blanch them first. Yeah. Okay,
Danielle McCoy:I do carrots. I don't like this nappies and stuff like that. I just put them in there peppers. I'll cut them up and just put them in there.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, as long as you use them. Yeah, because that carrot but yeah, like I've done it with beans, but they stayed in the freezer too long and then they ended up being really tough. I hate when I yeah, I mean, it's I like frozen. I like frozen beans. Were the canned beans. So yeah, I prefer canteens. I like I like to still have a little bit of firmness. I mean, really, I prefer fresh and just like steam. So they still have like, Yeah,
Danielle McCoy:I like those. But otherwise I'd rather they just be canned.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah. Anyway, really, I struggle with talking about anything negative. Like, when I'm having a tough time, or because I always I think it goes back to how I was raised. Because it was always like, you, you don't talk about the negative stuff in public, like that stays within your four walls, you know? Right. And, and I always want to, like have a game plan and know how I'm going to fix it before I like, tell anybody about it. And sometimes, which is so like, it's so backwards, because it's like, hey, guess what, if you tell people about it, maybe they can help you figure out how to fix it. Right. All right. But that's just not how I was raised. So, you know, it's it's something I'm trying to I'm trying to get past.
Danielle McCoy:Well, I think we fear judgment, because people, especially on the internet, feel incredibly comfortable. Just you know, saying whatever comes through and being as judgmental as they possibly can. Because apparently that's acceptable now when it used to be so yeah,
Bonnie Von Dohre:well, oh, yeah, people are more than willing to say stuff over keyboard, they would never say to a person's face. Yeah. So there is a part of me that doesn't like like putting myself in vulnerable positions or being vulnerable. And it's, it's interesting, because I want I think some of that goes back to the military, but also just in general, throughout my life. There's just there's always someone that's like, they see you vulnerable, and they see it as an opportunity to take advantage, or kick you when you're down. Right. You know, it's always it's also like, I have this idea in my head that I'm supposed to be tough, and I'm supposed to be strong. And I have these ideas of what a tough and strong person should be like how they should act. And they don't have vulnerabilities and they don't have weaknesses, and they don't screw up and do things wrong.
Danielle McCoy:And Rob, none of us are perfect. No,
Bonnie Von Dohre:I mean, I know realistically, I mean, it right. You know, you you hear story after story of these people who they only found success after failing so many times. But you know, it doesn't make failure, staying any less.
Danielle McCoy:True? I don't know. I think you know, I try not to think of it as a failure, just a learning experience and a missed opportunity.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah. Well, I think it's only a missed opportunity if you didn't take it.
Danielle McCoy:Well, I mean, a missed opportunity as in. Why? Because they don't want it done better failed. Well, true, because failure is negative. Right? And like attracts like, I truly do believe that. So if we're constantly focusing on the negative parts of whatever happened, or whatever's going on in our lives, and we don't try to spin it so that it's a more positive view, then you're just going to continue to have negativity.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, I guess See, in my mind, like saying that I miss something like it, it feels like it's filled with regret. So it still feels negative to me like in right. I know. So I think that just focusing on the one the things that went right. And then, like right now, what I've been doing is just focusing on the actions I can take to move forward. Right. But I have to get like really singular in that focus, because there's so many different things that can distract me like starting the websites. I sent you
Danielle McCoy:that thing yesterday about me. And it said if I wasn't in that phase, and I'm going how to how to get out of it. Because I've 30 years, it's not gone anywhere.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, I actually like I wasn't entirely sure how to read that because it's just like single word things.
Danielle McCoy:Well, because it's here, let me see if I can find it because I don't remember exactly what I sent you.
Bonnie Von Dohre:It was something about Gemini. It's just
Danielle McCoy:telling me, these are my traits. So I'm these guys, one
Bonnie Von Dohre:for Capricorn
Danielle McCoy:and high strung and inconsistent. And I'm reading all these different things and I'm like, okay, and then it says, if it doesn't seem to fit you check it out to find the phase you're in right now. And I'm like, I've been here
Bonnie Von Dohre:The short attention span well and didn't we hang on now you got me wanting to go where's my stupid astrology things go away there it is because there was something about our our moons are in like the same thing right? know our moons both in Gemini
Danielle McCoy:know my moons in
Unknown:Pisces. Oh, here let's see. My moon is Pisces my Mercury is Gemini My Venus is cancer Mars is Scorpio Jupiter is Capricorn Saturn is Scorpio. Uranus is Sagittarius. Neptune is Capricorn Pluto is Libra Lilith is Pisces and note and son are both Gemini.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, I don't know, because I thought we had something that was the same and that's why we had so many similarities. I thought something that I thought I had something in
Danielle McCoy:Capricorn but all I have is
Unknown:I don't have Neptune.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Okay, see I have Aquarius ascendant Gemini, Moon. Virgo is Jupiter, Mars and Saturn. Libra is Pluto. Scorpio is your anus. Sagittarius is Neptune and mercury. Which I guess I should actually name these in the houses. Not that. But the signs. Anyway, my son is in Capricorn. And Venus is in Aquarius. Does that make sense? I think I actually read half of those backwards, but
Danielle McCoy:you did. Yeah.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I don't know. But apparently there there's something about my moon being in Gemini that makes a lot of those traits similar to me.
Danielle McCoy:Oh, your moon is in Gemini. Yeah. Well, that's why.
Bonnie Von Dohre:So yeah, if I look at just the the main things, Sun is in Capricorn, Moon is in Gemini and ascendant and Aquarius, because you're
Danielle McCoy:what is it? Your Moon is your inner you,
Bonnie Von Dohre:my inner you. Yeah, like so what's my son, your daughter, you the
Danielle McCoy:basic part of you, and then your moon is who you are inside. So I'm basically in Gemini and you're entirely
Bonnie Von Dohre:I'm just thinking because my son is in Capricorn, I'm just a basic bitch.
Danielle McCoy:For more astrology Tips
Bonnie Von Dohre:Don't call us. Unless you want someone to drink. We will have the
Danielle McCoy:wine. I drink Cosmos the other night. And
Bonnie Von Dohre:I remember when you were hungover the next day, I was. And then like, earlier, when, you know, I felt like the world was crashing down. And so I'm meditating. And I'm in like the last two minutes of the meditation. And my my air pods were dead. So I have it playing like on the speaker on my phone. So any child that you know, intentionally unlocks my door and then comes into my room to interrupt me can hear the meditation happening on the phone and sees their mother sitting cross legged with their eyes closed. And yet still insists on asking me for something.
Danielle McCoy:I tried to do meditation in the mornings, before I got on a bed and asleep. Well, I discovered that my husband insists on bothering me waking me up and telling me he has to go to work. So it doesn't really work out. And yeah, I just gave up apparently, I'm just supposed to be high strung up according to that I am.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I usually need to do like one in the afternoon to kind of like bring the stress back under control. And then I'll do one at bedtime to help me fall asleep.
Danielle McCoy:That's what I call wine
Unknown:or cosmos.
Bonnie Von Dohre:But if you drink too many of them, it keeps you awake. So anyway, um, do we have any tips for actually, you know, being more authentic? I think for me,
Danielle McCoy:I try to focus on the fact that life is entirely too short. To be somebody or not. Yeah. And that it's a lot harder to portray yourself as someone you aren't there to just be whoever the hell it is you are. And I think we're scared of judgment. Especially when everything that we do seems to need to be put we have this like urge to post it online to you know, because we want to prove that we did something or said something or whatever it is. Because it's supposed to be memorable because we posted it on the internet when I'm thankful that some things were not memorable because we didn't have the internet. There's that. But I think that you know, we have to stop worrying about what everybody thinks and who we're going to offend because you're never going to please everybody and the only person that really matters The end, is you. Yeah, doesn't matter how somebody else happy, it just matters if you made yourself happy. And if you're not happy pretending to be somebody, you're not which I don't know how you possibly could be, then, you know, what's the point?
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, and that's the thing, like, people are going to find ways to criticize you judge you dislike something that you did. So walking around on eggshells to try to please those people is just going to be wasted energy on people that are like, it's impossible to make everyone like you. And you're gonna end up spending all of this energy, and it's just going to be taking away from you. And it's not going to benefit them, it's not going to change their minds. The other way I look at it is, you know, I mean, it takes guts to put yourself out there, and to, you know, to say the things that we feel need to be said, on the internet or in any space, right. And so, I see that as me being the voice for the people that don't have the courage or the know how to put it out there. So I'm speaking for the people who are staying silent. If I'm staying silent, then no one is speaking for those people. And same thing with you know, everyone talks about it being taboo, to censor people in your comments, and censor people in your communities, basically, because they think everyone else is entitled to their opinions. And they should be able to say whatever they want without consequence. But even if they're just attacking me, someone else is going to see that. And then feel bad about having the same thought, not not the attack, but like, if they're attacking something I said, then someone else is going to take it as an attack because they felt the same way I did. So you know, if I either addressed those people, or if it's just negative for the sake of being negative, I usually delete and block. So I guess, I guess thinking in that way, in terms of, you know, speaking up for the people that don't have the voice and the platform, I guess makes me feel a little bit better about like, the jerks that come and feel the need to say crap,
Danielle McCoy:I think it just boils down to we have stopped giving a shit when other people think,
Bonnie Von Dohre:yeah, well, and that's like, I eat I don't care if, I mean, I've pissed off a lot of people because I blocked them or deleted their comments. And it's just like, I'm, I see it as protecting my community and protecting the, like, the vibe that I'm trying to create. But I mean, even all
Danielle McCoy:that negative.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Right? My own, even though my own profile, like I had, I posted a military joke. And a couple of people that had never have never served in the military do not get military humor, took offense to it. So I deleted their comments, and all of a sudden I start getting
Danielle McCoy:may take offense to that.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Because like, I'm a bigot. And I mean, they had like all kinds of stuff. And I'm like, hold on a second. I have always stood by you, I have always defended you, I've always been kind to you like, and all of a sudden, I'm all of these things because you like because I deleted your comment, because what you said was completely false. Like I
Danielle McCoy:write, I miss my page. And if I don't want your crap on my page, then I'll remove it. And if I don't care, then I'll leave it there. But you know, like, everybody's always gonna have an opinion and something to say, and somebody's always going to be offended by something you say? Or do or, and you just kind of have to just let it roll off your shoulders and move on. And yeah, just kind of, you know, come on, you're gonna be yourself.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, I'll be honest, like, some of the stuff has been almost comical. But I don't know, at the same time, I don't know. It's just, maybe it's this whole entitlement thing.
Danielle McCoy:Started on entitlement. We'll be here for another hour.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I don't know where people are coming from.
Danielle McCoy:I think it's because we live in a world where people have been, I think we feel safe. Because you know, we can speak quote unquote, speak our mind. Everybody's always talking about being authentic. And so we just speak our mind right and so people feel safe. Because they can hide behind a keyboard and say whatever they want to and there's no repercussions for that. The only repercussions is maybe your comment gets removed. But you know, I and then you get all these keyboard warriors and they all get together and I'm like, Yeah, and so we feel I don't know like it's okay and like It's I don't know, I think a lot of it's just because we live in an era where our connection to other people is all online. Yeah. And so it makes us feel like we're in our safe little space. And we can say whatever you want. And there's, you know, without fear of repercussions, especially if you're attacking somebody else, because then everybody else jumps on that same keyboard warrior bandwagon, and then you feel justified, because you're all set up that too.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And social media has created so much of this too, because it's this whole, the algorithm only shows you other stuff that you've interacted with. Right? So it creates this bubble, where like, you think that everybody in the world thinks the same way that you do. And now anybody that thinks differently from you is the minority.
Danielle McCoy:And well, because social media is just a big echo chamber, because who are you friends with? Who do you follow, it's going to be the same group of people that feel the same way you do. And if they don't, then you're either a muted, so that's why you never interact with your posts or be are not friends with them or follow them to begin with. Because, right. We want to feel justified in our opinions. So we, you know, like follows, like on the internet, and interact with those people.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And so then when you see something that is different from what you're used to seeing, then, like, Oh, my goodness, they're so wrong. Like, how do they not see it this way? When everyone else sees it this way? Well, you're forgetting there's a billion other people out there that don't think the same way as you,
Danielle McCoy:at least. But you go, you have like, there's an entire group on Facebook, I did not know this, that. For people who hate mothers who have tattoos, like this is an actual thing. I think he told me about this. And I didn't know about this till the other day, there is an entire Facebook group and with 1000s of people in it.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And is that why all of a sudden you were like, That's it? I want to tattoo.
Danielle McCoy:I have a tattoo. Oh, I don't know. But yeah, sorry, Danielle.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I haven't seen you naked.
Danielle McCoy:You wouldn't have to see me naked. But that's fine. I told you who I was when I was 16 is not who I am saying.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Well, I have always had a fear of commitment. So that really hasn't changed. And so I have never been willing to commit to something long enough to have it's permanently stenciled on.
Danielle McCoy:Marijuana. No, I want to get a tattoo for my mom. Yeah, that makes sense. And I would like to get something for the girls. Not like necessarily their names. Just I got my tattoo when I was in college, and probably an eighth grade because I don't really remember it. And the guy that gave it to me his name was cringe if that tells you anything. So awesome. See, my authentic self. I was far less afraid to be whoever I was. When I was 18 than I am now. 20 years later.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah.
Danielle McCoy:I didn't have Facebook and Instagram and you know, 1000s of people that are watching me so I don't ever post anything because I don't do business.
Bonnie Von Dohre:I mean, when when I was in high school, I thought I was so cool because I was wearing my dad's shirts, and cowboy boots. And the guys that I idolized all work our hearts and they were literally known as the Carhartt boys. Oh, and all all of my all my pictures from senior day. I was wearing cowboy hat.
Danielle McCoy:My freshman year. My if I could find the picture, I looked like I was about 25 Oh, so yeah, I'm not not that person. And when I went to college, I got a tattoo. I got my tongue pierced. I got my bellybutton pierced I was
Bonnie Von Dohre:rebel without a cause.
Danielle McCoy:I was I still am in some ways, but
Bonnie Von Dohre:I mean, I I rebelled as far as you know, I joined the Marines.
Danielle McCoy:But see, I didn't want people bossing me around and telling me what to do and how to live my life. So that was not on my list. That's why
Bonnie Von Dohre:I joined the Reserves. So they can only bossed me around a part time basis. Fair enough. Yeah, it's easy to look back and think of all the things that I wish I would have done differently. But at the same time, I wouldn't be where I am now. Right. And
Danielle McCoy:Trevor asked me that the other day, he was like, Do you regret and I'm like, Nope, not at all. Because if if X Y or Z did not happen, or I didn't do it or whatever, then I wouldn't be doing it. Today So, right, you know, like, everything happens for a reason we make we make choices and decisions that mold us into who we become. And I think we need to, you know, pay better attention and be more of that person that we were meant to become instead of worrying about who we're going to offend in order to be that person. Because, right. I mean, I look online and to me, there are very, very few truly honest and authentic people online. Like it's all just curated and you know it, you know, if you have any brain cells, it's not, you know, that's that's not their life. That's probably not who they are. It's probably, you know, like, I'm, I'm really not that quiet. I'm quite outspoken. And I'm incredibly caustic.
Bonnie Von Dohre:What was it that you like, you thought I was all prim and proper or something like that?
Danielle McCoy:I did. I don't know why you just like this, like, goody two shoes that. And I don't know why, because I knew you were in the military. So like, that doesn't even those two things don't really go together. Yes, but are female and jet
Bonnie Von Dohre:Terry public is completely clueless about the type of person that's in the military, so we won't even go there. But no, yeah, it's just I don't know. It's funny, because I guess I've always kind of given off that vibe. I mean, like, I was telling you earlier, I kind of was that way in high school, so it's not. But again, it was I was trying so so hard to be what everyone else expected me to be. Right. And, I mean, honestly, like, it's probably just been within the last few years that I've just been, like, you know, what, this is not worth the effort that I'm expending. Like, like you said, life's too short. Like, it's, it's too short. For her and fake friends. You know? Yeah. So it's, you know, I I live my life the way that I feel God has called me to live it, you know? And if I'm like, I mean, honestly, what, who else's opinion even matters? Like if I'm living the life that I feel God has led me to live, then? Yeah, I'm no one else. Opinion. That I'm just repeating myself at this point.
Danielle McCoy:I think you've had too many beers.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Um, no, yeah. I don't know. It's just,
Danielle McCoy:like I said earlier. No, really. I mean, you can say God's opinion matters. But, you know, I feel like God's opinion is our opinion. You know what I mean? Like,
Bonnie Von Dohre:yeah, well, like he gives, like, he gives that weight on to you or that, like, you know, I don't how do you even explain it, like, you feel like a pressure on you to let go of certain things that don't matter. And focus on certain things. And, you know, it's like, I've always felt like, we were called to be stewards of God's creation. And so it is on us to take care of the earth and take care of ourselves, our bodies, take care of other people,
Danielle McCoy:and we're doing our job.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And, you know, in earn really like to have, like, I feel called to have a lot of compassion, empathy. Of course, the irony to that is I have a lot more compassion and empathy for people I've never met. Because the people I know, are generally not trying to be better people. But, so it's hard. You know, it's kind of hard to have compassion for anyway. Um, but no, it's just, that's just, I don't know, I guess deep down. That's just, that's who I am. Right now. There's going to be a lot of people out there that are going to be like, How can you say that you are caring for animals when you're eating them? Well, guess what? I'm giving them the best life possible before because hey, guess what God called us to eat them too. So haha. I'm sure that's gonna sound super great on audio. That's it well, and he's gone full crazy. Um,
Danielle McCoy:I feel like we have to write we and we have to just answer that call and be whoever it is that we were meant to be. And like I said, it's just, you know, we have to stop worrying about what other people think. Because even if you are the perfect version of you in their mind, they're still you're still gonna do something. You know, and walking around on eggshells isn't fun and like short and, you know, we weren't meant to be whoever Mojo said that we were supposed to be we're meant to be whoever we were meant to be, right? And so stop worrying about somebody else in
Bonnie Von Dohre:your life, right? Make decisions for your life. Or if you're married, you know, you and your spouse, you make the decisions for your life. And no one else is like, no one else gets to make those decisions. Because at the end of the day, no one else is living that life. They may have opinions about your decisions, and they may think you're making the wrong decisions, but let them let them have like, let them think that right, not yours,
Danielle McCoy:the only person that's going to affect is them, it's not going to affect you, because you really shouldn't care what they think.
Bonnie Von Dohre:Yeah, well, it's, you know, again, it comes back to holding that boundary, you say, No, I've made this decision, you stand by that decision. There's a lot of people that have made decisions that I haven't necessarily agreed with. But I respect that they stood by their decisions, right? They didn't waffle. I mean, granted, you may make a decision, take action on it, and then realize it was the wrong decision and then make a different decision.
Danielle McCoy:My daughter is very much her authentic self. Is mine. So I guess, you know, maybe, and that's another thing, I think we can all take lessons from our kids, because instead of trying to, I don't want to say mold them into who they are. Because, you know, obviously, that's a part of what we're supposed to do as parents, but at the same time, we kind of have to, you know, let them leave away because they're meant to be whoever they're meant to be. And that's not necessarily our version of that,
Bonnie Von Dohre:right? Well, they don't have the baggage we have. They don't have the years of just being smashed into the test.
Danielle McCoy:I'm ready to just lock that all up and hope it just goes away.
Bonnie Von Dohre:So but yeah, like, I mean, I, I see that a lot with my kids. And I mean, I think that we can kind of see it more, because they've been homeschooled because they haven't been exposed to that negative mindset as much as public school kids have, right? And so they can like kind of be more in touch with themselves. I mean, I'm not saying Now granted, my 12 year old thinks he's got all the answers.
Danielle McCoy:But just wait till he's 20. But there's
Bonnie Von Dohre:still, I will still listen to what he has to say about a lot of things. Because he does often make good points about things. And he is more than willing to point out the ways that me and my husband need to improve
Danielle McCoy:my husband, he doesn't matter because you're the parents. So
Bonnie Von Dohre:it's also a point that I make to him on a regular basis. But sometimes he makes some valid points. I just don't always let him know that. They're valid points, because then I'll never hear the end of it. Fair enough. Fair enough. All right. Well, I think that is it for today. We are out of time. But basically, yeah, we're gonna be back on schedule.
Danielle McCoy:And casual, my authentic self has no schedule. And obviously yours doesn't.
Bonnie Von Dohre:And that is one area where we're going to fake it till we make it. Even if we have to schedule out a couple of weeks ahead of time, so. No, but yeah, so basically, don't be afraid to speak your opinion, speak your mind, but also just be you and just be you. But also don't feel like you have to put your whole self out there. Right. Keep some back for yourself. No one is entitled to your life. And you know, no one needs to have an open invitation to your front door. All right, have a good one. We will catch you next time. Thank you for listening to this episode of the ground and simplicity podcast. If we were able to help you in any way, please share this episode with a friend. And also leave us a review on Apple podcasts. You can also join us over on Patreon at grounded simplicity, and help to support this podcast as well as become a patron and get a behind the scenes look at the creation of our podcast and even have some input on future episodes.