Hello my friends, and welcome to the Discover Your Personal Power Podcast, the show to help you live a life filled with peace, purpose, and power. My goal on this podcast is to give you something fun and meaningful to make your day a little brighter. I want to help you find your light and your personal power within.
My name is Peggy Moore and I am a wife and mother of over 30 years, a Nurse for over 20 years a Certified Professional Coach and wellness advocate.
I want you guys to know that I get it. Sometimes being human can be hard. But the good news is we are in this together. We all get to choose how we want to show up in this world. and we can create the life of your dreams.
Discover Your Personal Power Coaching
Discover Your Personal Power Coaching is a monthly program designed for personal development and self-growth. We all know how important it is to take care of our bodies. Discover Your Personal Power Coaching is like joining the gym for your mental and emotional health. If you love personal development books and podcasts you are going to love this online coaching program. You get online videos, a complete colorful 80-page workbook that was just published on Amazon, It has journaling prompts and fun exercises. You will get one-on-one coaching with me and I will help you clearly define your purpose, discover your personal power, and live a life that you want to live.
http://peggymoorelifecoaching.com and sign up now. I would be honored to work with you.
How is your week going? I love this time of year. It feels like fresh new beginnings. As the kids start school and we go into my favorite holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It just means lots of fun things are coming up and gives me lots to look forward to. What about you, do you love fall? Do love how the leaves change and the air gets a little cooler and you can reach in your closet for that comfy sweater that you haven't worn in almost 6 months, but now you get to be reacquainted with it. Drop me a message and let me know what you love about this time of year. I would love to connect.
So with the new school year starting, I started a new job at our high school. I am excited to work with HS-age students. This new year has been particularly tense for everyone. Students are coming back from remote learning to in-class learning, high expectations, crowded hallways, and having to remember all those social norms and cues that haven’t been practiced or used in almost a year for some students. We are starting up school sports again and this means students who have been hanging out at home on the computer for school or entertainment, are not used to the demanding physical requirements HS sports require.
It is a lot for everyone, and I won’t even discuss how COVID is added to extra stressors. As I have been interacting with students and parents I feel their anxiety in my body. Their vibrations radiate to me and it takes more effort and energy on my part not to reflect those anxious or upset vibrations back.
Do you ever find yourself in the process of reflexively emulating the behavior of someone else? Maybe someone you spend a lot of time with that is very negative and you find yourself being more negative and looking at things from a dark perspective.
Emotional Contagion
This is actually a totally natural phenomenon. Called emotional contagion or mirroring. Emotional contagion refers to the process in which an observed behavioral change in one individual leads to the reflexive production of the same behavior by other individuals in close proximity, with the likely outcome of converging emotionally (Panksepp and Lahvis, 2011).
Mirroring
Mirroring is the process of emulating, or copying exactly the behaviors, speech, and characteristics of another individual.
MIRRORING: "When an individual, through choice or in a study copies the behaviors of another, they're said to be mirroring each
Mirroring is a connection builder because it lets people feel really heard and understood, sometimes for the first time in their lives.
Mirroring can be both a positive and not-so-positive phenomenon.
Some researchers believe that we have these things called mirror neurons in our brain. Mirror neurons are a type of brain cell that actually respond equally when we perform an action and when we witness someone else perform the same action. They were first discovered in the early 1990s when a team of Italian researchers found individual neurons in the brains of macaque monkeys that fired both when the monkeys grabbed an object and also when the monkeys watched another primate grab the same object.
Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti, MD, who with his colleagues at the University of Parma first identified mirror neurons, says that the neurons could help explain how and why we "read" other people's minds and feel empathy for them. If watching action and performing that action can activate the same parts of the brain in monkeys--down to a single neuron--then it makes sense that watching action and performing an action could also elicit the same feelings in people. Pretty fascinating, right?
Mirror Neurons
In a TED talk by Roberto D’Angelo and Francessca Fideli titled "In our baby’s illness a life lesson." They discovered that their 10-day-old son, Mario, had suffered a stroke, they were shocked and sadden, but determined to help their son. Mario was unable to control the left side of his body and, to help their son, they opted to participate in a pilot program for mirror neuron rehabilitation.
Mirror neuron therapy involved showing Mario objects and demonstrating how to pick them up and use them. As D’Angelo explains, “The theory of mirror neuron says that, in your brain, as you watch me do this, you are activating exactly the same neurons as if you do the actions.”
This therapy led to a discovery: Mario was mirroring his parents’ emotions as much as he was mirroring their physical movements. Their solution: to couple a positive attitude with cutting-edge Neurotherapy. Their story culminates with an inspirational message about the importance of positivity and optimism in confronting challenges.
Just think about all the ways mirroring can affect your life.
From an evolutionary perspective, mirroring keeps us in tune with each other and strengthens our membership in the tribe. Being in sync with the members of your tribe was vital for survival. Our emotions come from the limbic part of the brain or the more primitive part of the brain. They are kind of instinctually almost. Scientists describe it as being limbically synchronized.
This summer we were able to spend time with family and one of the things we LOVE Is playing games. And often in games, you have to play with a partner. Games like charades, or pictionary, or cranium. One person has to describe something to the other partner. We were playing Code names. This game is where you give a clue to your partner to guess a couple of words that may or may not have a connection. My daughter and I were teammates. My daughter and I are pretty close, but we also think alike. We actually did very well in the game because we were able to mirror each other's expressions and kind of thoughts. We were able to do this because we have spent a lot of time together and we have spent years mirroring each other. You could kind of say we are “limbically in sync” or our minds think alike.
We often mirror the ones we are closest to us. That is why couples who have lived together for years, begin to smile alike or make similar facial expressions or hand gestures. We mirror each other.
Mirroring can show interest
Mirroring can be something we do when we like or are interested in someone. We copy their body language speech, facial expressions, style of clothing, hairstyles, etc. Think about the latest fashion trends or urban slang.
Mirroring can show empathy
Mirroring body language is a nonverbal way to show empathy. If someone is talking to you and they are sad, your face would show expressions of sadness also. It would be inappropriate to be laughing or silly when engaged in somber communication with someone.
What about if you were walking in the park and out of nowhere the man in front of you gets smacked right in the head with a twirling frisbee. Automatically, you recoil out of sympathy.
Mirroring can bring excitement and joy
Or what about when you are watching your favorite sports on TV. The rush of excitement and adrenaline you feel right after Lionel Messi scores, or the feeling in the pit of your stomach when LeBron’s shot bounces off the rim might be your mirror neurons firing.
Think about when a person laughs. Scientists have found that the brain responds to the sound of laughter and prepares the muscles in the face to also laugh. Think About when you see someone yawn. Mirroring is a powerful tool that we do and use automatically even without being aware of it.
Mirroring can be a sign of trust
Mirroring can be a sign of trust. When you are out with your friends or family members at a restaurant. Do you ask others what they are ordering? Have you ever found yourself saying mmm, that sounds good? Oftentimes people ask what others are ordering because you want to mirror your meals.
Another thing pretty common is when out and about and walking with your significant other or bestie, walking in step. It is a sign of comfort and trust and helps you and the person you are with to feel comfortable and in sync. The whole point of mirroring is to better understand each other and help us make stronger connections. When we mirror someone, we listen better, we hold space better.
In the book Mirroring People Maro Lacoboni, share that this neurological wiring has a significant impact on our social interactions and our capacity to understand each other’s emotions. He argues that mirror neurons are central to our basic functionality, and to the shape of our morality, politics, and relationships.
Mirroring tends to take place automatically between the individuals who know one another very well. Real friends will frequently choose the same expressions and use the same body gestures, especially when they spend time together. Spouses do it, too – this sort of involuntary mirroring commonly occurs in families, and anyone who has a kid knows that babies are very good at mirroring the behaviors of adults around them.
Aspects of mirroring
There are many sides to mirroring. They can be used together or separately.
First is Body language
Next time you're having a conversation with someone, watch your own body language and see where your hands are placed, how is your head titled. Are you both standing and sitting?
Next Voice
One of the simplest ways we tend to mirror is by speech. We tend to imitate the volume or speed and of course the slang or typical nuances of those we spend the most time around. I grew up in the south and moved away when I was 18, I remember people commenting on my southern accent. As I spent more time away my southern accent grew less and less. But let me tell you I can go back home, spend one afternoon with my family and it's back.
The funniest time was when we lived in Michigan and I worked at a hospital where several of my coworkers were actually from Canada and crossed the border from Windsor into Ontario to work. Canadians have a habit of saying “eh” at the end of their sentences, kind of a way to acknowledge that you are hearing them. Well, I picked this up, and then we moved to North Carolina, the heart of the south. So back comes my southern accent, but the “eh” habit has stuck. One day one of my kids, was like mom - you can’t have a southern accent and a Canadian one, it just doesn't work. We often unconsciously mirror the speech of those around us.
Gestures
Think about high fives, and fist bumps. I remember the first time we were playing family games with the inlaws and my sister-in-law clapped in her hands in joy because she won. I loved the sheer delight on her face and that ancient gesture of clapping your hands for joy. I have since found myself doing the same. I love that I picked that up from her.
Now that you know about mirroring and what it is.
Think of the way this can have a negative impact on your life. So many of us live our lives mirroring the emotions of others. We do it unconsciously and then we wonder why we feel like we live on an emotional roller coaster. We wonder why we are not showing as our best selves. Particularly in confrontational situations.
Highly emotional and confrontational situations are difficult to navigate anyway. But how many times has someone come to you in anger or frustration and you found yourself rising to the occasion, matching their emotions firing back? Only to later realize that is not the way you wanted to handle the situation.
I was taught this early on in my nursing career. As an ICU Nurse, I was a witness to much pain, anxiety, frustration, and suffering. My patients and their families' emotions were sad for their sick loved ones, frustrated with not knowing what was going to happen next, and maybe angry at the universe for allowing this to happen to their loved ones. As a nurse, I had to learn to keep calm, breathe and hold space but not to mirror all these emotions. As a nurse, my job was to promote peace, assurance, and information for families to know that we were doing the best we possibly could to help their loved ones. As a nurse, I had to keep calm when my patient was in pain, or frustrated with their progress. I really had to watch myself to not mirror those emotions of anxiety, frustration, and pain, but to project my own empathy, compassion, understanding, and peace so that I could maybe help my patient and their family feel peaceful
Parenting
Think about if you have ever been a parent of a toddler or mouthy teenager. Toddlers experienced powerful emotions that their little bodies haven’t learned to control. They want what they want and when they don’t get it, a meltdown more than likely occurs. As a parent, if you melt down, it doesn't help the situation, right. As a parent of a screaming toddler, we have to remember to keep our emotions in check. In fact, leading experts in parenting recommend slowing your breathing and helping the child to mirror your breathing and your heartbeat in order to help them feel safe and calm.
So, this is much easier said than done, so what is the best way to avoid mirroring emotions that we don’t want to mirror.
First is self-awareness
Recognizing what is happening. If you’re picking up on someone else’s mood, you may not realize it right away. You may just feel bad without really understanding why. Focus on your heart rate, your breathing. Know where you tend to feel anxiety and tension in your body. For me, I tend to tense my shoulders and before I know it my shoulders are up by my ears and my heart is pounding and I am struggling to catch a solid breath.
This can take a lot of energy and self-awareness to realize someone else’s behavior is creating vibrations in your body. Realizing how your feelings in relation to another person’s experience can make it easier for you to show up how you want to show up and create a space to really listen and empathize without creating emotions you don’t want for your life.
When you learn how to acknowledge when someone’s negative mood is affecting you, you can practice separating those emotions.
Next, Other people's emotions are theirs not yours
Recognize that other people's emotions are just that. Don't take other people's emotions personally. It's all about them. Be all about you.
Emotional contagion relates to empathy. If someone you care about is having a hard time emotionally, you may respond by unconsciously absorbing their experience and connecting with them that way. This is just part of being human.
Try to keep in mind that:
- you aren’t responsible for their feelings
- you may not be able to help
- they’re sharing their experience in the only way they know
This can be particularly tough if a loved one is dealing with a chronic mental health condition, such as depression. However, You can’t be of much help to them if you’re not feeling well, either.
Next, learn to Name your feelings
When emotions are particularly high, it can be a good exercise to take a step back and identify what you’re feeling. For example, if you’re feeling particularly anxious, taking a moment to say to yourself, “I’m feeling really anxious right now. I know I won’t feel that way forever and eventually, this will pass,” can go a long way to calm your feelings of anxiety. I love the power of verbalization. Verbalizing how you are feeling, acknowledge them in a powerful way.
This skill can be helpful because it enables you to be aware of the emotion you’re feeling and, it also helps put into perspective that the feeling, as uncomfortable as it might be, is one that is temporary. The easiest way to prevent emotional contagion is to be aware of what you’re feeling and take steps to avoid allowing that feeling to impact those around you.
Third: Always remember you have the power to choose; Choose your thoughts
You get to choose what you marinate in. Surround yourself with things and people that create happiness in your life. You get to choose who is in your life and who is not.
Create the thoughts and feelings you want most. If you’re in a position of power, consider how you can model coping for those who look to you for support. For example, parents can model what they are feeling and share how they are coping with the feelings. For example, saying “Mommy is a little stressed right now because we’re out of our normal daily routine. But I’m coping with that stress by making a list of everything we need to do today.” Expressing emotions — and sharing problem-solving strategies to deal with them — can be a great way to model effective coping skills.
And last Stop the Spread
If you’re experiencing particularly intense emotions, take steps to avoid spreading those emotions to other people. If you’re feeling especially emotional, try writing in a journal or drawing a picture. Finding a non-human outlet into which you can channel your stress can be a good way to avoid spreading intense emotions to another person. If you’re finding yourself experiencing strong ongoing emotional reactions and you feel like it might be helpful to talk to someone, consider enlisting the help of a trained mental health professional.
These steps can help you guard against impacting others with your own strong emotional reactions. If, however, you find yourself around someone who seems to increase your emotional reactions, try to take steps to limit your exposure to that person.
Although it can be challenging to maintain an emotional connection to family and friends while also taking steps to guard against an emotional contagion effect, it is possible to set boundaries and avoid being in situations that can impact your emotional well-being. Keep an eye on how you’re feeling and take a step back when you need some space to decompress and regroup.
I want you guys to know that compassion and empathy are characteristics I treasure most. I use them every day as a mother, as a wife, and as a nurse and a friend. But to be the most effective mother, wife, nurse, and friend, to be able to show compassion and empathy, I need to keep my emotions separate. I can use the tricks to acknowledge mirroring when it occurs and I don’t want it to, I can name my feelings and I can learn to demonstrate calmness and peace in times of turmoil.
I also love the fact that we can demonstrate optimism, positivity, and strength to others and help them mirror the greatness within themselves.
Send me a note and let me know what you think about mirroring and how you recognize it in your life at Peggy.moore.life.coach@gmail.com
Until we meet again my friends.
Peggy
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