Holding newborn twins in your arms brings one overwhelming emotion: gratitude! That was my experience recently as my daughter and her husband welcomed a baby boy and girl into the world. Each of us had waves of joy, relief, excitement, and anxiety as these healthy kiddos snuggled into our arms. The pregnancy had been challenging at times, crawling along to 37 weeks. The plan had been for a C-section delivery. Then it seemed like the babies were in place for a natural delivery, then suddenly they weren’t, then the baby girl came, then long, anxious moments and the sudden chaos of an emergency C-section for the little guy—all of us were whipsawed by the fears and joys. But in the final result the babies and momma were safe and strong, a miracle of God and 21st century medicine. Gratefulness filled my heart as the family tree added two beautiful branches.
Welcome to TFJ, a podcast dedicated to your wellbeing. I’m your host, Larry Payne. Let’s plot some paths that will make gratitude a real practice for us during this holiday season.
Gratitude. All of know the feeling of happiness when a good thing happens. We recognize we have received a gift and respond with an emotional release. Diane Butler Bass, in her engaging exploration of this subject, writes, “The right place to begin understanding gratitude is as an emotion issuing from the heart, that pulsing, mysterious place at the center of our being (Gratitude, p. 13). Science has found that the brain responds to a gift or favor by releasing serotonin and dopamine, the “feel good” chemicals, which make our body relax, our emotions regulate, and our social awareness grow. Gratitude makes us feel connected to the giver and desirous of more interactions. Psychologist Madhuleena Chowdhury writes, “Gratitude is an emotion that directly targets at building and sustaining social bondings and reinforces prosocial responses in the future.” (Neuroscience)
Religious faith is filled with demonstrations of gratitude. Abraham built a great altar of stones to express thanks to the God who had brought him out of danger to a new land. (Genesis 13:19). In the Old Testament more than 100 verses hold the idea. Psalm 95 says, “Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.” Jesus complimented the one leper out of 10 healed who returned to thank him for the miracle, saying this heretic Samaritan had the only real faith. (Luke 17). Paul urges Christians to “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything” (Ephesians 5:20).
All that is nice and good, especially as a moral lesson. But scientists have uncovered far more benefits to gratitude than we had ever dreamed. Research shows cultivating gratefulness will reduce the perception of pain, improve our sleep, manage our stress levels, reduce anxious and depressive moods, connect us closer to others, and build our resilience to handle the difficult events of life. Wait, did that register? Let me say it again: you will sleep better, handle stress better, be less anxious or depressed, know love, and thrive in the hard times if we have practiced expressing gratitude.
How can we develop this magic elixir of a happy and healthy life? We must practice the art of gratitude. Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology and founder of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, anchors this to the practice of a daily journal called the “Three Blessings.” The instructions are simple. Each day take 10 minutes before bed to write three things that went well today, and why this happened. The answers can be small, like “I enjoyed my favorite ice cream,” or large, “the twins are healthy.” The why behind the event is important. “The ice cream reminded me of my Dad,” or, “God and the doctor brought a safe birth.” Dr. Seligman says, after hearing from thousands of students and clients, “The odds are you will be less depressed, happier, and addicted to the exercise six months from now.” (Flourish, 34),
As I prepared this podcast, I was pleased to learn that my wife and daughters were sharing a daily gratitude list via text messages each day. The practice has helped each one keep a positive focus during times of special challenge. The extra benefit of sharing has added to the already close relationships.
The social component of gratitude alerts us to a larger meaning than simply individual happiness. Ancient societies connected gratitude with the way society was organized in hierarchal fashion, according to Diana Butler Bass. The king, emperor, or baron provided material benefit to the masses and the proper response was gratitude to live within the system. A quid pro quo system was in operation, a “this for that” system. The elite granted benefits in return for loyalty that held a grudging gratitude. Western society still operates on this, with government as the benefactor.
You give me this and I’ll give something back to you. But what if gratitude opened our hearts to a different style of society? Bass urges us to see in the ethics of Jesus a better way, a wider and deeper gratitude. Just as God gives freely to all without regard to the response, so we can benefit others without expecting repayment. We can live pro bono, for the good, rejecting the requirement of something in return. Full gratitude is the fuel that propels generosity, hospitality, mutuality, humility, and equality. In the words of Diana Bass, “Gratitude is an ethic of reciprocity that responds to gifts by moving them forward to others and not back “up” to benefactors… In the biblical view, God gives all gifts, and we human beings accept them and pass them on to one another” (Grateful, 167-168). Full gratitude makes possible an infinite circle of gratitude that embraces the entire community. We can refuse to hoard the gifts of God and instead pass them on as Jesus taught. A life full of gratitude is a life that loves the neighbor as oneself, a life that invites all the table as equals under the abundance of God.
The life of full gratitude in the public sphere can be practiced by looking for ways to give and benefit without returns. We can give to church and charity. We might volunteer to help others in need. We could require our institutions to be equitable towards all without favor towards any. We might demand corporations to contribute to the good of the planet and the community, not just the shareholders. In these actions and more we express the essence of gratitude, a thankful heart that creates benefit for others.
Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Prize winner, multi-disciplinary scholar, and missionary, is quoted, “The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. [The one] who has learned this knows what it means to live. He has penetrated the mystery of life.” (quoted in Gratitude 192).
Holding the healthy twins and celebrating a larger family is only the beginning for my life. The circle must grow larger in generosity as I give to others. Gratitude teaches I should receive the gift, thank the giver, and then go the step Jesus taught as I pass the blessings on freely to another. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to enter the circle of gratitude.
I know this is a busy season so I’ve kept this episode short to maximize your time. I do want to share one announcement to inform you that every episode of TFJ now has a full transcript available for you to read or download. Some of us learn more by reading than listening so you might gain by having the words of each essay and segment in front of you. The transcripts can be found at the same website as the podcast, buzzsprout.com/97723.
Thank you for listening. TFJ is recorded at the Bright Star Studio. All rights reserved. Music by Ivy Music on Pixabay.com. I welcome your comments via my email, trackspodcast@mail.com. Or join the Facebook community on the TFJ page.
Have a great holiday on your journey to wellbeing.
Diana Butler Bass. Gratitude: The Subversive Practice of Giving Thanks. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2015.
Madhuleena Roy Chowdhury, The neuroscience of gratitude and how it affects anxiety and grief. www.positivepsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/
Martin E. P. Seligman. Flourish: A Visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2011.