Sex is Okay with God

Sex commands center stage in our society today, filling the headlines with debate and the websites with erotica. Can we find a healthier sexuality through theology, ethics, and science? I think so, because sex is okay with God. 

In this episode I discuss the basic vocabulary we need but don't really know. I dig into some of the Bible material beyond just the simple proof texts, especially surrounding LBGTIA issues. Finally, the principles of sex as good and fidelity as central are presented.

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Chapters

• 1:57 Have the right vocabulary
• 9:34 Bible ideas on sexuality
• 14:01 LBGT and the Bible
• 18:57 Principles of Goodness and Fidelity

Transcript

I wanted to hide my red-faced embarrassment by crawling under the bleachers. My Dad had taken me and a couple of my 6th grade friends to a college football game. During half-time the flag girls and band marched proudly. A line of the marching ladies, clad in white cowgirl costumes, danced across the field in front of us, led by a pretty and quite buxom lass. My Dad had never talked with me about sex or dating but he turned to me and said, “That girl is really pointing the way.” Of course, I had noticed the same aspect of her figure but was instantly mortified that he had said something about sexuality, blowing my 12 year old mind into speechless embarrassment.

In this episode of TFJ I’m following in my Dad’s steps. Let’s talk about sexuality, but with a little more wisdom and finesse than that long-ago Saturday night at the football game. Sexuality is okay with God and we can be, too.

Sex has been around a long time. About 1.8 billion years ago, little cells called eukaryotes [you-care-re-oates] evolved with something never before seen: male and female. Baby eukaryotes got DNA from two parents, laying the groundwork for every large creature since. (Christian, Origin, 162). Since Christians believe God is the creative force and designer of the universe, it seems God is okay with sex. A little closer to home, humans like us have been doing it for 200,000 years or so. We should have this down pat by now, right? Well, maybe we need a little more work.

We can start by making sure we have the right vocabulary. Modern science has expanded our understanding of sexuality (Hock, Sexuality). Let’s do a brief overview of four ideas: sex, gender, identity, and orientation (Wamsley). In modern terms, “sex” refers to the physical parts we know so well, distinguishing male and female. In 99% of babies the difference is quite clear. The 1% are known as “intersex,” where physical features follow one sex but the genetics are the opposite, sometimes bringing some adjustment difficulties as life goes on. 

Moving beyond the physical, the idea of “gender” involves the attitudes and behaviors of the culture about male and female. For example, 100 years ago the color pink was associated with boys in Western culture, and did not shift to being a color for girls until the 1940’s. Now, many parents encourage less restrictive role models and patterns. Ideas of gender vary widely across the world.

Taking another step, the idea of “gender identity” means how each person relates to these cultural norms. For most people, identity aligns with both sex organs and culture and can be called “cisgendered.” “Cis,” c-i-s, is the Latin word for “on this side.” The opposite is “transgendered,” where a person’s perception of identity is not aligned with sex organs and cultural expectations. A third self-perception, where a person doesn’t follow strict male or female norms, goes by terms such as “non-binary,” or “bigender.” Like all personal attitudes, identity emerges from genetics, family, and self-understanding. Diversity is baked into the human experience.

To these three elements we add a fourth, orientation. “Sexual orientation” is the romantic, emotional connection one has with another person, as well as a pattern of identity (APA). Heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals to the same sex, and bisexuals to both sexes. Here is an important point: Modern science is nearly unanimous that orientation is not really a choice but an innate and basic neurological response that can be expressed by many types of behaviors. Orientation emerges with puberty as an emotional experience, not a rational choice. Listeners who are heterosexual might ask themselves, “When did I decide to be straight?” The answer, of course, is there wasn’t a decision to be made, it was just the way I felt. The same is true for LGBTIA persons. It’s not a choice, really, but an urge that comes without logic and calculation. What we can consider rational is the way orientation is expressed in daily choices.

These four factors make human sexuality complicated and variable. The corollary is the recognition that sexuality has no single, perfect way of expression for all people. It is indisputable that billions of humans, past and present, have successfully lived out sexuality in a myriad of ways. This diversity must inform our discussion and patterns today.

When I visited Florence, Italy, I spent several minutes admiring Michelangelo’s huge statue of David. The muscled, nude body of the young man, 17 feet tall, tensed to battle Goliath, is universally proclaimed as a masterpiece. The artist captured every detail including the male parts, quite prominently displayed. Visitors from all over the world look, ponder, and sometimes giggle in embarrassment. Jan and I had a big laugh when I had her take a picture of me standing several feet away from the figure, holding my hat to hide the explicit manliness! Interestingly, a replica in London’s Victoria and Albert Museum has a plastic fig leaf near the statue, able to be attached with two small hooks, to minimize the sexuality that is rumored to have shocked Queen Victoria in the 19th century. How times have changed!

One source of guidance about sexuality is the Bible. Some argue that there is only one biblical way to live as a man, or woman, or family, which some describe as “one man, one woman, for life.” When we read the Bible in its context, however, that is not the case. In the Hebrew Testament, polygamy was common and accepted, especially among the wealthy. Solomon was said to have 1000 wives and concubines, and King David is listed with several wives. In the post-exilic years it was still practiced, though some rabbis taught a man shouldn’t have more than four wives (Jewish Encyclopedia). We can also note that the culture of Bible times was patriarchal, considering women as the property of the husband. Yet, Jesus accepted women as equal among his disciples, laying the foundation for women’s rights to be law long centuries later. Numerous laws sought to regulate sexual activity for men differently than for women, a classic double-standard. Divorce was easy for a man and impossible for a woman in the time of Jesus. Violators were to be stoned. Yet, one time Jesus intervened to prevent that from happening and directed attention to the sins of the men. Considering these diverse voices in the Scripture, and the infinite complexity of sexuality across the planet, we should consider that varieties of sexual expression are part of God’s plan, not a descent into the curse of a fallen race.

With these variations in mind, it is good to remember a basic principle of Bible interpretation, that the Bible is a book of wisdom, not codified regulations of absolute laws (Enns, Bible). The same biblical passages that seem to condemn some sexual practices also condemn eating shellfish, wearing underwear of mixed fabrics, gluttony, and men having long hair! Rather than strict laws inappropriate to apply in modern times, we must look for the principles and examples to be applied to each successive age and different situation. The patriarchal, misogynistic, and racist culture of the ancient, near Eastern world should also bring us caution as we apply Bible passages today. That society was not sacred and is not worthy of being replicated today, period! The ethical principles of Jesus, joined with science and the creative of the Spirit in the community, are what we need for today.

Homosexuality is a case in point about biblical models of sexuality and modern culture. While traditional interpretations have found a few passages that seem to condemn same sex relations, modern scholars have questioned these simple viewpoints. Professor Perry Kea summarizes this well, as he presents one example found in the New Testament (Kea, “Malakos”). The Greek word in 1 Corinthians 6 translated in the NIV as “men who have sex with men,” has roots in Greco-Roman sexual practices. Considering the usage in other writings of the same era, it should be understood as condemning pederasty, which is a man having sex with an underage boy. This abusive and coercive crime of power is much different that the consensual, committed gay relationships so common today. This biblical passage is about child abuse, not LGBT relationships. It seems to me that, for our modern era, we should focus on the emotional quality of a consensual relationship, not its sexual expression. 

America has many examples which demonstrate LBGT persons can embody the qualities of biblical love as well as straight couples, such as Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg. He and his partner Chasten have been together for years. A dedicated Christian, Pete has been vocal about his devotion. He is a decorated veteran, graduate of Harvard and Oxford, speaks seven languages, and has performed with the symphony orchestras. He and Chasten recently adopted twins to join their family.  

In a spirit of transparency, I gladly acknowledge that my opinions have changed over time. I got over my tweenagers shock of my Dad’s comment to some more mature viewpoints. In 1992, I preached on the topic to my congregation in Amarillo, Texas. I offered traditional interpretations of a biblical passage that said homosexual behavior was not acceptable to God. It was a choice that should not be made. As I’ve shared today, my opinions have changed in 30 years. I’ve grown to see sexual orientation with more scientific and biblical understanding as not a choice but a biological determination not to be condemned as immoral. In that message long ago I did say, however, that the church should love and accept those who lived this way and that the government should grant full legal status and protection to gays. Those ideas were not mainstream and earned me some harsh feedback. Today, the legal landscape has changed for the rights of LGBTIA persons. So has public opinion, with 79% of all Americans favoring laws that protect this group from discrimination. 

I find it tragic and un-Christian that many churches still condemn and shun LBGTIA persons. The same can be said for the culture war effort to block gender-affirming care, a medical treatment in use for more than 50 years for transgendered persons. Texas is leading the way in this horrific effort to stigmatize children and youth already victimized by peers for their gender dysphoria. This is the ultimate government interference in personal freedom to control one’s body, as well as robbing parents of the right to guide their child and enforcing cultural stereotypes by legal fiat. 

 Maybe this podcast will open new ways of understanding as we re-examine what science, psychology, and theology mean for today’s ethical practices.

God thinks sex is good for a million species and especially for human beings. What are some of the abiding principles of Christian theology and modern psychology we can lean on today for our practice of sexuality?

Beyond simple procreation, which is pretty important for our species, is the foundational goodness of sex. God pronounced male and female as “good.” This foundation extends to all aspects of sexuality. Our biological sex, our gender identity, and our orientation are included in this rich treasure of human experience. The bodily pleasures of sex are celebrated in Scripture. Though the imagery of the Song of Solomon is weird, saying the woman’s hair is like a flock of goats, we know exactly what is meant in the words, “Love burns like a mighty fire, and many waters cannot quench love” (SOS 8:6-7). Sex is a vital part of two people becoming like one, enriching the lives of both with love.

Just as clear is the importance of fidelity. The negative seventh commandment of not committing adultery is designed to promote the ideal of exclusive commitment. Sex is too important to our identity to be shared outside of a committed relationship. Promiscuous sex, pornography, and polyamorous arrangements demean the unique personhood of all involved and impoverish the depth of connection that promotes our wellbeing.  

Fidelity is set in a larger biblical theme of a covenant between two partners. As ethicist David Gushee writes, “It is important that sex, with its deep personal longings, takes place in a context of faithfulness, forgiveness, mutually respectful justice, and enduring loyalty… and not in a context of rivalry, fear of not being accepted, manipulation for self-satisfaction, and eventual abandonment” (Gushee, Kingdom, 254). In this era of confused and often hurtful sexuality, these are words of wisdom about being trustworthy in love.

In my professional experience, an affair often shatters the trust and love of a relationship. I remember a woman I’ll call Ingrid, who was not the perfect wife, by her own admission. But the discovery on her husband’s phone of texts and nude pictures of a younger woman blew apart her world. She had trusted him for 20 years and now his lies cracked the foundation of it all. It started years of emotional suffering, loneliness, and radical adjustments for her and the children. It was a vivid reminder that faithfulness to a partner is central in healthy sexuality and life.

In conclusion, I think we can do much better in building a sexually healthy society than we are now. The way forward is neither a sexual free-for-all, nor a neo-puritanism of repressed urges. I propose we embrace the goodness of sex, informed by science, managed with fidelity, and directed by love. Together, we can improve our wellbeing and our society for everyone.    

CITED 

Christian, David, Origin Story: A big history of everything. Little, Brown, and Company: 2018.

Hock, Roger R. Human Sexuality, 4th ed. Pearson Education, Inc: 2016

Maglaty, Jeanne, “When did girls start wearing pink?” www.smithsonianmag.com. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/when-did-girls-start-wearing-pink-1370097

“Cisgender.” www.wikipedia.com. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender

Wamsley, Laurel, “A Guide to Gender Identity Terms.” www.npr.org. https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq

American Psychological Association “Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality.” www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/orientation

“Polygamy,” www.jewishencyclopedia.com. https://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/12260-polygamy

Enns, Peter, How the Bible Actually Works. HarperOne: 2019.

“David (Michaelangelo),” www.wikipedia.org. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_(Michelangelo)

Kea, Perry, “Malakos and Arsenokoitês 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10.” Westarinstitute.org. https://www.westarinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Malakoi-Arsenokoitai-3.1.pdf

Gushee, David and Stassen, Glen. Kingdom Ethics: Following Jesus in Contemporary context, 2nd ed. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2016.

Miller, Emily M. “Americans’ support for LGBTQ rights higher than ever, even as white evangelicals lag.” www.religionnews.com. https://religionnews.com/2022/03/17/americans-support-for-lgbtq-rights-higher-than-ever-even-as-white-evangelicals-lag/