Purpose Beyond Motherhood
Find Your God-Given Purpose Beyond Infertility and Motherhood
The Purpose Beyond Motherhood Podcast is a space for women walking through infertility, miscarriage, loss, or the ache of unfulfilled motherhood. Through real conversations and interviews, you’ll hear stories of hope and encouragement that remind you you’re not alone. Each episode points you back to God’s Word, your secure identity in Christ, and the unique gifts He’s given you to live with purpose — even in seasons of waiting or grief.
Purpose Beyond Motherhood
Living In The Wait With Melissa Vande Kieft
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Melissa Vande Kieft is an event planner and enjoys all things related to details, logistics and organizing. Outside her official work title, she is a blogger, speaker, infertility advocate and first-time mom after navigating infertility over 3+ years. Melissa is known for her big heart and love for encouraging others. She's a huge fan of generosity, grace, planners and asking questions! Melissa loves living life with her guy, Ry and their almost one-year old daughter, Crosbee.
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Hey, what's up everyone? Welcome to shining light with Nicole, where we are keeping your 24 Golden. I'm Nicole, and on today's episode we're talking about living in the wait with Melissa Vande Kieft. Welcome to season two. Hey Melissa, welcome to the podcast.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Hello Nicole. Thanks for having me.
Nicole Clark :I am just really so excited to have you on the show today. And you guys I have to tell you, I have officially not met Melissa in person. And so we just connected in the infertility loss world. She has this just beautiful organization and ministry, and we just got connected that way and although we have not met in person like you guys, you have to check out living in the wait like her Heart and her mission just for people in this community of infertility and loss is beautiful. And I'm just thankful for, you know, everything that you are doing, and just the encouragement and love, and just all the things. So thank you for that.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Oh, no, thank you for all those beautiful kind words. Yeah, it's amazing how we, how technology can be such a blessing for us and we're going through especially difficult time.
Nicole Clark :Yes. And today, of course, that's just what we're talking about. We are talking about living in the wait And I know that we have all just been in a situation in life where we found ourselves just waiting. You know, being patient is a vital part of trusting in God, as our life circumstances are not always what we would prefer. You know, sometimes we pray long and hard about a situation in our life without receiving any answers. And we just learned to live with it. We go on about our business, wondering if or when God will send the answer, you know, but God, he does hear those prayers and he's working out those prayers, even though we may not know all of the details. So waiting for answers is a fact of life. Nobody gets out of it. No, nobody gets out of it. And so the question is not if we'll wait, but rather how we'll wait. And so Melissa, I'd love to just read a couple Bible verses and then we're just gonna jump right in.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Awesome.
Nicole Clark :Philippians 4:6 says, "Don't worry about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." In Psalms 27:14, "wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord." In Romans 12:12 "rejoice in hope Be patient and affliction. Be persistent in prayer." Okay, Melissa Why don't you start? So tell everybody just a little bit about you, your family and all that you do.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Yeah, well, I am the founder of living in the wait. As you had mentioned, it's an online resource I created to encourage and really guide those who find themselves in a period of uncertainty. Where you are wondering when will your weight then you know when there if, and really I started it after three and a half years of learning firsthand the challenges of await, which my weight was navigating the world of infertility. And praise Jesus. I'm so thankful that I'm a first time mom now after that. I have a daughter Her name is Crosby. She is the coolest man I know. Man, she is just so cool. I just want to hang out with her every day because I just love watching her. And we're actually about to celebrate her first birthday which is like mind blowing Yeah, how fast that time goes. So compared especially compared to the Wait, how long the wait felt to get to that point to be able to even have her. She's kind of weird how that shift is. And on top of that, though, I'm an avid blogger speaker infertility advocate. And I actually, as another gig, I guess I'm an event planner as well. I have over 15 years of event planning, so I'm the one that likes all the details and the logistics and stuff. So I totally think that yes, it is a great job. Oh, it's so fun. You meet so many amazing people and it is just amazing what that job has provided for me. So besides all that stuff, though, my husband and I Ryan, we love being outside and we are big college sports fans as well. So that's kind of what keeps our families busy.
Nicole Clark :Awesome. So Melissa, I mean, just like let's just for real, just jump right in and so why why do we have such a hard time waiting?
Melissa Vande Kieft :Yeah, that is such a great question. So, you know, it's funny because we live in a world that is built on and prides itself on not waiting. Right? Everything around us is the opposite of that. We've got Instagram, Insta pot, express lanes, fast food. I mean, the list could go on and on, right? Um, you know, the world creates ways for us, so we don't have to wait. And so we're not used to waiting. And we don't like waiting, you know? And so for those of you that are listening right now, I mean, my question to you is, have you ever had to wait in line or maybe you were on hold on the phone? Or for some of us right now, maybe your internet went down, and you had to wait for it to come back up? You know, how did you feel when that happened? You know, how would you feel Nicole?
Nicole Clark :I don't know how to wait well,
Melissa Vande Kieft :right. Yes, yes. You know, it's usually waiting is usually seen as a nuisance or a big inconvenience for us. If we get frustrated When we have to wait, you know, and that's the thing with waiting is so often we just want to rush through it, how can we get past it? How can we maybe buy our way out of waiting or fix it? You know, that's kind of the mentality we're really in when it comes to, to waiting because of those messages that we get from society. And really, it's, it's a, what's the quickest way to get from point A to point B, you know, I don't want to worry about the middle, I just want to get from end then to the other. And that's where I think waiting is, has kind of that maybe a negative connotation, really, with the messages that we receive. And I share that because I think, you know, sharing what waiting, you know, kind of hard about waiting, what it really represents is, as you mentioned, waiting is something we all experience like we don't get to choose what things in life for the most part, what we, you know what we're going to wait for how long it's going to last. You know, that's really something that we we don't have control over. And I think that is really the heart of why we have a hard time leading is because waiting represents a loss of control. And we don't like we don't like that. Right. And I mean, you know, because that's the thing if we had our way, we wouldn't wait. Right? So if we could control what was happening, we would really eliminate the wait if we had that control, but we don't. When we're in the middle, when we're in the middle, you know, waiting is kind of the in between in the middle time. Yeah, we have in life. And, you know, that is where it's uncomfortable. It's full of uncertainty and unknowns. And we don't, most people prefer to not have to, in order to say most people prefer to avoid those things. Right. So I think that is one of the reasons why we have such a hard time waiting is really because of that loss of control. And in addition to what I shared about kind of the messaging we receive from society as you know, they don't match up, right? When we're going through through that kind of wait. And I think another part about waiting too is that while we have a difficult time with that is that waiting is often seen as this passive time in our life, where it's just, I'm just waiting. You know, it doesn't really, I think often it's not viewed as having any value. Waiting is kind of a waste of time. And really, when it's viewed that way, it makes sense like, Well, why would we want to spend our time on something that is, is viewed to have no value, right? And so I think that context is context is important to come to explain, you know, the messages are received about waiting and what it means and why we have a hard time and why it makes sense to why we have difficulty waiting. You know, I think it's a normal thing to have difficulty waiting, if that makes sense.
Nicole Clark :Yes, yeah. And that that really resonated with me Because one I'm a control freak. Oh, yeah, you know, waiting is is really hard. But also when you said, you know, we're looking for the quickest way to get from point A to point B, but we completely just disregard the middle. Yep. And I think that is so good. So how can we learn and just practice waiting? Well?
Melissa Vande Kieft :Well, the first example I would share is really to look to Jesus. He is the ultimate example of how you're supposed to live in the wait. And I didn't really realize that Jesus waited. Like I remember when I first learned about this whole concept of Jesus had to wait as well. My mind was blown. Because when you think about it, if the Son of God had to experience waiting, it makes sense that we would have to wait as well. Yes. And I think when you put it into that, you understand that he will relate to your wait and stead of you know, he's alongside you versus it's easy. And I was there where you get mad and frustrated that God for not intervening with your waits. He understands that because he was waiting, you know he came to this earth he was waiting to die for us is what he came to do. And, you know, I mean, oh my gosh, can we give me goosebumps when you think about what he came here to wait? No, he came here to do what he was waiting to do for us. And you know, the the part about that too, I shared that passiveness that we typically think of waiting is he was not passive. When he was on earth. He was living life to the fullest. When he was here, he was sharing the gospel. He was performing miracles traveling, he gave people life. You know, when he was here on Earth, he made the most of that time that he was here while he was waiting, you know, until that time came for him to die. And so I share that too. to just give us a different perspective about Jesus actually coming alongside us with our wait and understanding and knowing, like, Hey, I I know better than anybody else, what it feels like to wait. And so I'm here for you. I'm here to wrap my arms around you and support you during that time. So I think it's really important that we know that we can go to him with that, because he understands it. You know, I think that's really important to share and, and you know, kind of just being in that world of waiting. Like I said, we all wait I mean, I've I can think of many waits that I've had in my life but there's there's five things that I kind of had this acronym that I think are helpful to share with people to really focus on, you know, how can I live in the wait? How can I make the most of it? You know, how can I wait? Well, there's kind of multiple ways to say that. But the acronym I'm going to give us p p a p p, is the best way I can say it. It stands for prayer, encouragement, acceptance, purpose, and passion. are the five things, and really all of them? Yeah, all of them help us in the wait by providing healing and kind of coping and management, which ultimately can help us, you know, live in the wait and make the most of it, that kind of thing. So really quickly, you know, prayer, I think the important part about prayer when you're waiting, is just to have that unfiltered, vulnerable prayers with God, yell, scream, get mad, whatever it is, you need to do. You know, when you're praying to Him, be unfiltered. You know, he wants us to come to him with everything. And do that. Do that with him. Just even if it's one sentence, right? Sometimes when you're in the middle of something that's so heavy, you don't even know what to say. So just cry. You know, that even is a prayer to him at times when you don't even know where to start. I felt like that, so many You know, maybe maybe your listeners can can relate to that as well. So that's the first one prayer. encouragement is a huge thing. Proverbs 1125 says, a generous person will prosper, whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. And so when we're in a difficult situation like that, you know, encouragement gets us outside our own situation. And it breaks up that continuous thought of hopelessness and overwhelm that you have when you're in your wait. Because that's all you think about. You know, if you're like me, when we went through infertility, all I could think about was, how do I get pregnant? That's all I could think about. But when I noticed the encouragement I received from other people, I in turn, wanted to encourage other people and lifted me up. And, you know, encouragement, that byproduct of encouraging others. It encourages you and It's not to, to forget about your situation or diminish it. But it really is just to help it's kind of that feeling and supporting you along that way that encouraging others is going to encourage you as well in that situation. Another one is acceptance. That's a huge one. But kind of briefly sharing about that part, you know, acceptance is that it's not a one and done type of thing, like accepting your situation or accepting your wait or difficulty. It is a daily decision to accept the hard things that we're going through in life, you know, or even when you think about healing, you know, a cancer diagnosis maybe or you lost your job. It's a daily decision to accept that situation that you have no control over. And I think it's important to share too, that people understand that this acceptance does not mean I'm going to repeat that. Acceptance does not mean that you like or agree with what you're going Through or that it's okay with you. I think it's really important to know that because careful, yes, I think I often so maybe I'm not alone in this, you know, I often thought acceptance meant, okay, I'm okay with the fact that I'm going through infertility. But inside I didn't believe that, you know, so it's like I'm not okay with it. So how do I can accept it then. And I mentioned, acceptance is huge to provide that healing when you're going through a difficulty. So it's important then to say What does accept this mean? And what it means is you're making a conscious decision, that daily decision to know what you do have control over and despite not being okay with that, you believe you can move through it. And, you know, a sentence that I would often say to myself is, you know, so write this down for anyone that's listening. You can say, I don't like what I'm going through. I hate it. I'm not okay with it. But I accept it as part of my story. You know, or this is part of my story. I don't like it. But this is where I am. Yeah, you know, right now so, so good. Yeah, it's hard. Like I said, it's a daily thing, but it really is that part of that process of healing and learning how to live, how to live in the wait down was probably the hardest for me, kind of when we're going through our final wait. The last, the last to go through purpose is kind of that whole concept of keep living. You know, as I mentioned, Jesus was living life to the fullest whilst he was waiting. So that too is an helps you while you're going through some sort of Wait where, you know, you can God can use your story to bring him glory during that time. You know, so what does that look like for you to keep living your life, you know, what energizes you what, what brings you joy, you know, kind of focusing on those things. have, you know, what did I do before this happened? Or what is it that brings me excitement in my life, you know, still remembering that purpose of living. And then the last thing I would say is passion, you know, during difficulty or wait it's a, it's a transition time where you are going from where you are to where you want to be. And that middle really can provide new direction for you, or new passion can be formed from the frustrations that you're experiencing. And so what what does that look like for you? You know, what can that mean for you? And my story is a prime example of how my wait turned brown a new pass into my life that I never wanted. never envisioned seeing myself even talking about it. But it that's how, that's how God worked. His wonder, sir, it's still amazing To this day, I feel like about where I am because of our wait So and the last thing I do want to mention so those are the five things that I think it is imminent. I mentioned to you that, that that how to wait, well, it's not linear. And that waiting well isn't void of negative emotion. You know, it's, it isn't this, oh, I'm just going to put on a happy face and make lemonade out of lemons kind of mentality like, that isn't real, you know, those those disappointments and frustrations they're going to coexist with the patient's purpose and acceptance that you're working through, basically, and, and Jesus, you know, at the end, before he died, Jesus cried out, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? You know, like, I go back to him being our prime example of how to wait and even at that moment, he was kind of like, what you know, I mean, he knew what was happening but he still cried out. And, you know, he was he waited Well, the whole time and that and we can do with those kind of emotions coexisting.
Nicole Clark :Melissa, that is so encouraging So so
Melissa Vande Kieft :I hope people hear that and they I hope it resonates with them too even one piece of it because reading, whatever it is, you're waiting you're going through I mean, from what I've experienced, and even for yourself like that is one of the most difficult things to go through in life is waiting.
Nicole Clark :Yes, it's tough.
Melissa Vande Kieft :And so I know that.
Nicole Clark :Yeah, but tell us really quick because I know, you know, just in that season of waiting, it could be such a negative thing. And, you know, but what are some good things that can come out of a season of waiting?
Melissa Vande Kieft :Definitely. So I think, you know, the, one of the first things that maybe we equate with the good is, is getting that desire fulfilled, right, maybe thinking that our wait is only going to be good if I get blank, or if this is answered. And it's hard because that isn't always the case. Right? Not everybody has that wait and the way that We're hoping to write and, and that's a reality for a lot of people. And so the the part that I would share about that is ultimately, you know, the good is using our story to bring God glory is ultimately the good that can come out of a waiting a season of waiting, you know is, is somehow God using that story and encouraging someone else or saving someone else through our experience. I mean, that's huge, you know, being able to be a testimony to other people. And so that's that's one of the things I think overall, but you know, for kind of sharing, kind of me personally that maybe Can people can kind of relate to that I experienced of that is because of our experience with infertility. I started a blog. I never had a vision to do that before but because of our wait, that was something I felt led to do. Well because of my blog. That's the only reason I'm talking to you today. Nicole. Yeah, and all of your listeners like that is the only reason I'm connecting with you today is because of what I what I experienced. And I mean, right there that is that is good. You know, that is good. And yeah, yeah, and being able to talk about God, and in those difficult times, I mean, that is good, but it's good. And, you know, through even that our experience, I mean, my relationship with God drastically changed. I learned what it meant to trust God period. My life was has priorities have changed, motherhood changed how I wanted the things I want to teach my daughter about all of them changed because of what we experienced. And there's good in there and there's bad all wrapped up inside of it. And like I said, they call it this. But I think one of the things that was powerful for me when you think about the good is that Jesus wants something from us just as much as we want something from him. And I learned I heard that from mo Isom before Basically, you know, what that means is we want something good to come out of our waiting. But God wants something good to come out of it as well. Ya know, it's that mutual relationship. That is, it's formed with him that we have the same objective, it might be different, right? Like what that means, you know, what it ends up being might be different, but he he is on our side to have those things he wants that are good for us. And, and I would say go back to those five things I mentioned earlier that that's where you can find the good out of your wait. When you see how it's my prayer life changed. Oh, man, I've been encouraging people. That changed for me, my you know, maybe all of a sudden you're more of a positive person or, you know, acceptance, purpose, passion, all of that those things can can somehow be good in that situation that you know, you don't have to be thankful for your wait, because I don't think I'll ever probably same thing. Hold for it. But I can say be positive that there have been positive things that resulted out of my difficult situation.
Nicole Clark :Melissa, can you please just talk to that person right now? Who is just crying out? They are in a long season of waiting, you know, they are having a difficult time just trusting in their heart is broken.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Yeah, my first of all, what I would say to you is, is I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. There are no words that I can say to fix or instantly change your situation. That is that is something that only our God can do. And my heart right now hurts for you because I know, I know, some of the feelings that you're experiencing and you're going through. And what I would say to you is I just First of all, I want to encourage you to just embrace what you are feeling. All of it. There is no right or wrong. Way to feel about your situation. They are your feelings and they are valid. And I wanted to embrace those. And also understanding through this situation that you're going through. What makes it even more hard is that you most likely are experiencing some form of grief. Grief is anytime you lose something, it isn't just a physical object or person that you lose. It can be your dreams, hopes, opportunities, and experiences. Those are all things that we can grieve. And you most likely who's listening right now in that situation that Nicole described, you are most likely grieving. And it's because you know what you wanted for your life, despite all your prayers, and preparation, trying for it, you know, you're looking at an entirely different, unexpected circumstance right now. So you are grieving and I think it's important to know that because that helps you understand a little bit more about what you need. feeling right now. And on top of that, I would encourage you, as I talked about before about, I just would tell you to just pray and just talk to God. Just go to him, no matter how mad, you are frustrated, whatever it is. Just tell him, shout it out. As Mark 1051 says, God asks us, what do you want me to do for you? And I want you to respond to God by saying, God, I want you to blink, and repeat it daily. Tell him over and over again, specifically, no matter if you think it's impossible or not, nothing is impossible with God, tell him what you want him to do. Say it out loud every day. Do that. And those are just a couple of things I would say. To kind of, you know, like I said, there's no way to fix instantly what you're going through. Only God can do that. But I would just, I just want you to turn to him during that time. And, you know, I kind of mentioned earlier in this podcast, About five things you can do. And you know there's a time for there's a time to be still. And there's a time for action and those things I shared earlier really about action. But if right now you need to just be still. And you just, you're just, you're just sitting on the floor crying and overwhelmed about that, to sit there if you need to. And then when you are ready, maybe take any actions that you have with that. And I would just share this quote with you as well from CS Lewis, our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we're waiting for. So the reason you're feeling the way you're feeling, it is my favorite. And the reason you're feeling the way you're feeling right now is because you have so much value, you know the value of the thing that you are praying for that you are crying for that you are losing sleep over, you know that value of that, and it's not easy during that time to that wait, but continue to wait because you know, How important it is the thing that you want that you are right now waiting for
Nicole Clark :Melissa? Oh, my goodness, I just love your heart. Thank you for sharing that.
Melissa Vande Kieft :No, I think thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about I think this is an interesting topic. But like I said, we probably don't talk about a lot because nobody wants to wait, you know, so we just try to figure out how to bypass it. But there there is a lot of value in that time and it's, it's transformational. If we allow, if we allow that time to be transformational, it can be
Nicole Clark :Yes. Can you can you just share with us just a little bit about living in the wait and just what you have coming up and how we can connect with you.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Yeah, so you can continue to find me at living in the way calm I'm gonna still be writing messages, sharing hope and encouragement with you guys that that is something that I just have a passion for. But I Also, I'm working on a collective course that's focused on infertility to share some of the common and uncommon things you'll want to know. So if you or someone listening right now, who is at the start of your infertility journey, or even if you maybe been in it for a while, and you're just, you don't know where to go with that. I'm starting this course to really kind of answer some of those, like I said, on common or maybe common things that you'll experience during that from my own experience, I know firsthand from going through that so it's still in the work. So feel free to check out my website if you want more information about that as well. You can find me also on social media, Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest that living in the wait. I would love to connect with you guys and find you socially or you know, online like Nicole and I did.
Nicole Clark :That is so exciting. I'm excited for you. This is great. I can't wait. Yeah, I cannot wait. And so Melissa, I have your final two. And so this podcast is all about Matthew 5:16 and letting your light shine for for the Lord. And I truly believe that just God uses our story to change the world. So how did your puzzle pieces lead you to where you are today?
Melissa Vande Kieft :Yeah, so I believe that life is really comprised of like small events that we go through. And I can look back on where I mean a lot of the things that I experienced in my life, and I can see how each of them provided value, and prepared me really for where I am today. And it's really, you know, obviously at the time, you can't see how those puzzle pieces are fitting. But it's fun when you when you know that there are puzzle pieces that God is putting together for you and you can stop and look back and see how he just transformed that time. It's it's just like you have to stop and be in amazement about how he just worked. His wander through the various things that we experienced and how he he changed your mind. Or gave you a new skill or allows you to meet new people. And so I 100% believe that the things I've experienced all through my life, especially now with infertility, that that was a big piece that shifted for me to passion and purpose. And really, I guess the biggest thing too is is I want to say it, the push, I needed to be more brave about my faith. And like I said before, like I didn't want it, I would have never asked for it or prayed for it. But it's amazing if we are willing how God can just say, All right, here's something that I think you can use and share with the world that's going to bring me glory. And that's ultimately what he wants as we are to go out and be his disciples and to share him with the rest of the world.
Nicole Clark :Yes, and you do such just an amazing job of just shining bright and not hiding your light for the kingdom. Have you always been that way and what can you share with us just to encourage us
Melissa Vande Kieft :so I I would say I've always been kind of a natural encourager. It's kind of been my Mo. throughout life. I think I get that from my mom. But I think what's important is to kind of find those things, you know, those, you know, use the word skills or gifts that you do feel God has given you. And because not everybody has the same gift I have, I don't have the same gift you have. And that's why I think it's really important to try to avoid some that comparison because what you're doing Nicole, I couldn't do it. And what maybe I'm doing, the next person couldn't do. But it's important to know that we all have value, and that we all bring something to this world to help people and it you know, it's important to note too, that it doesn't have to be on a big scale. You know, you don't have to create a podcast or even start a blog. It can simply be sending someone a note of encouragement. And that can be the one way that you are able to share guys, you know, share what God's doing in your life or encourage someone else So that would be my encouragement to to your listeners is that we all can do that. And just think about what it is for you that you can do. And maybe think about how you can stretch yourself a little bit too, and how God maybe wants you to be a little more brave in what it is that he is maybe asking you to do to find your life.
Nicole Clark :Beautiful, Melissa, thank you again. I appreciate you so much.
Melissa Vande Kieft :Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, no, thank you. And congratulations on getting your podcast up and running. It is so awesome. And I just can't wait to see how it's going to continue to grow. And God it's interesting to you Do you. Thanks for tuning in. To learn more about shining light with Nicole or to get involved with Twelve 12 Ministries, visit twelve12ministries.org. Now go out and let your light shine for the kingdom. And remember you Shine so that others can see you, being you and they can be them. Keep your 24 golden and I'll see you next week.
