Leadership After Loss With Krystalle Wheeler

Born and raised in Kansas City Missouri, Krystalle Wheeler is married and with three children. She loves to decorate, read, and be outside. Krystalle is the founder and director for Lullaby of Hope, a nonprofit that sends wonderfully made gift boxes for women journeying loss in the womb.


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Connect with Krystalle

Social Media: @lullabyofhope

Website: lullabyofhope.org

Transcript

Nicole Clark: 0:40

Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of shining light with Nicole. I'm Nicole. And this week we are talking to Krystalle Wheeler, founder and director of Lullaby of Hope. It's still October. So we are sharing stories of just hope. I love love loved talking with Krystal, and she is sharing about leadership after loss. So welcome to season three. Hey, Krystalle , welcome to the podcast. Thanks, Nicole. I'm so happy to be here. I am so excited for this opportunity. So you guys, I have to tell you about crystal. So we connected on Instagram. And so of course, you guys social media, it can be good, it can really just connect you with some amazing people. And so, you know, we just were connected kind of through the infertility and lost community. And I am so grateful because this lady right here you guys is the real deal. She's like so kind, loves her family loves the Lord, and just what she is doing to impact the loss community is beautiful. So I cannot wait for our conversation today. So crystal, thank you so much for being here.

Krystalle Wheeler: 2:04

Thank you, Nicole, I'm so glad that God connected us in the way that he did. And I'm so excited for the work that you're doing as well. And so thank you for your kind words, I feel like teary eyed already. Like, you're so great.

Nicole Clark: 2:18

But it's so true. And so before we just get into our conversation, I it To be honest, I don't know why. But this Bible verse just really just stuck with me. And so I would love to read just Job 11:17 through 18. And then we'll, we'll get into your story. And it says in your darkest night will be brighter than noon, you will rest safe and secure, filled with hope and emptied of worry. And I just thought that that was so appropriate just for our conversation, because just really in anything that that we do, you know, we get stuck in that worry, you know, and we don't rest well. And we sometimes lose hope. You know, and I think that this is just such a beautiful reminder that even in our darkest day, that we can still hold on to Jesus and hold on to God's love. And so I just love that verse so much.

Krystalle Wheeler: 3:22

It's a good one. It's so applicable. I mean, I think so many of us when we go through dark times, we can find so much comfort in the Psalms and in Job as well. And remember, job being really meaningful to me through my journey as well. And so thank you so much for sharing that that perfect, perfect verse for today.

Nicole Clark: 3:42

Yes, so you guys were talking about, you know, leadership after loss. And so crystal, I would love for you just to kind of jump into your story and just maybe tell everybody a little bit about you and your sweet family.

Krystalle Wheeler: 3:55

Yeah, so my name is Krystalle. And my husband's name is Steve and we live in Kansas City. We've been married for 13 years, and we have a 10 year old daughter, a six year old son and a four year old daughter. I also have a little puppy who's one and I've become such a dog mom and I hate it. I'm embarrassed of myself, but I he loves me and I love him. His name is scouts, a little mini golden Doodle, he has my heart. So um, yeah, so I actually went through pregnancy loss and that is what kind of ties us together. When my daughter was three years old, we decided it was time to expand our family and I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy with her. And I we got pregnant, and I actually ended up miscarrying at 15 weeks. And I was really surprised by the news because I didn't know anyone that had journeyed through pregnancy loss and have had a miscarriage before. But in that moment, I felt so broken, my spirit was broken, my body felt broken. Here, I was just embracing maternity pants and you know, the whole rubber band trick on your jeans and just kind of been it's all gone and just having to deal with the punch and just no excuse for why you're so sad. And it left me feeling really frail. I remember so many times that summer that the sun was shining down and I could feel the heat and the breeze. But I felt so sad. I was so sad. And at that time, I was a pretty immature Christian. I was doing a lot at church. But I didn't have really deep roots at that time. So be I would felt very conflicted being so full of grief, and not really knowing what to do with it. And then that fall, we got pregnant again with another girl and her 20 weeks sonogram, we found out that she was sick. And I ended up carrying her for three and a half more weeks before her heart had stopped. Now that time was holy, and it was sacred. And as I carried her in my womb, I just chose to really live differently, not so much as like, I was begging God for a different outcome. My husband and I felt very strongly that how her story was going to end. But I knew that not allowing outside influences was, was going to make sure that I didn't have any regrets, living the way that I lived during those times. And we had a lot of family and friends who supported us and helped love on our oldest daughter so that I could rest so I could go to appointments. So I could pray and journal and read God's word I was even cautious of reading Christian authored books, I just wanted to only hear from God. And he bless that time, I had lots of dreams I, he spoke through my daughter, his word really came alive to me. And Previous to that, I had watched my brother in law, he lost his wife who was pregnant. And he was the first person I knew who was literally carrying grief in one hand and joining the other. And just witnessing that taught me so much. And that was in August. And our stillbirth was in December, I had no idea what was to come. And it was such a teaching of like a teachable time for me. And I just absorbed that. And his example, really meant a lot to me, it really gave me strength and encourage and my roots then really grew deep with the Lord. So that's a little bit about me and a little bit about my loss story.

Nicole Clark: 7:48

Thank you for sharing that. And so can you please talk about your beautiful ministry, you know, and just how you share hope with others.

Krystalle Wheeler: 7:56

Definitely. So when we were planning our funeral for a daughter, I remember sitting down with my pastor, and God had kind of been leaving these hints for me about like women were coming out of the woodwork. So it went from I didn't know, anyone experienced a miscarriage to everybody, you know, it felt like everybody had experienced pregnancy loss. And so this community was beginning to be birthed and to grow and, and I knew that I was grieving differently. I knew my perspective was different. And my hope was strong, it was a fake smile, it was a real smile. And remembrance was different memorial was different. And God just began to show me that I needed to minister to these women that were grieving. And I was still very much grieving and I was crying still, I was sad. Still, I was disappointed in his plan that he, you know, stripped from me, I didn't, you know, I didn't love that. But, um, I shared it with my pastor, and he said to me, then I, you know, if God's calling you to this thing, you need to step in to obedience and do it. And I remember, I probably very physically rolled my eyes and spiritually kind of drugged my feet. Cuz, you know, I was really worried. What does it look like to walk through grief? Not just your own grief, but then now other people's grief? And, you know, people come with such different backgrounds and beliefs. And did I really want my life to be permeated with death? And for me, my answer was no, I didn't want it to. But I love the Lord and I wanted to obey Him and to trust him more than than what I could see the the visual that was right in front of me. So I'm January 2013, is when we founded follow by of hope. And we send these comforting, curated, meaningful, wonderfully made gift boxes to women all over the world that have journey, pregnancy loss. And so the contents that are in there, and have been helpful to myself and my team members. We've all journeyed pregnancy loss, and different items have been more meaningful to us and helpful to us in our journey. And the items are meant to equip them to grieve with hope, for the for the whole year, and even beyond. And so when you have those triggers when there's holidays, or birthdays or anniversaries, or even just a Tuesday that you feel succumbed with grief, and you just need to refresh your soul and remind yourself of the goodness that God has for you, and it's truth that we can be found in His Word. That's where your lullaby of hope gift really shines.

Nicole Clark: 10:45

That is beautiful. I love, I just love that so much. And I love the intentionality behind it. And just, you know, I just think it's so perfect. And I would love to ask, I think this is kind of sort of weird, weird question.

Krystalle Wheeler: 11:01

But I bring it on.

Nicole Clark: 11:03

Because I keep you know, I've talked to some other, you know, ladies and you know, that maybe have experienced a loss, and they're like, Hey, I really think God is calling me to do something with, you know, with this story, you know, so I, you know, I'd love for you to talk about maybe what is it like to lead people after loss?

Krystalle Wheeler: 11:23

Yeah, absolutely. You know, these, you know, God uses us in so many different ways. And we really have to be sensitive to spirit. And when He calls us to something, we have a responsibility to really step into that and to trust Him and to really lean into him for it. So I didn't have all the answers, you know, I just knew that a book that I came across was meaningful to me, I knew that I didn't want to put any what I call fluff items, I didn't want to do donated items, I didn't want to do tissues, I wanted to be a beautiful gift that I would be so grateful, and happy to receive. It's already a sad morning, full time that I didn't want to add, I wanted to bring beauty into that. And so I'm just, you know, really trusting the Lord. And just knowing that you don't have to have it all together eight years down the road, I still don't have it all together. And I think something that we forget is we're like, you know, I want to get these ducks in a row. And I want to achieve this. And oh, if I make it to this, then you know, I'll plateau and like this will be a really good, comfortable spot for me. Well, that's not necessarily what the Lord has. For us. I feel like in business and ministry, work and nonprofit world, that's sanctifying the ministry just like he sanctifies us so we can't become places, we have to be moldable and changeable and be able to be adaptive and to grow in different areas. Because we only know so much the path is only lit so much for us. And so where we're at today with lullaby of Hope is so different than where we began, we began giving gift baskets to women face to face, in the Kansas City area. And now we have a beautiful box, and a shipping program and a website. And we're able to ship these all across the world. And so when we're quarantine when we're stuck at home, you know, these gifts are still able to be received, you can still love on someone that you care for, when they're miles away. If you don't share the same zip code, you can still give them a hug through this gift box. So they really yeah, just really stepping into whatever the Lord has for you. And letting him magnify himself through you. And through your works. The service is such a worship and delight to him.

Nicole Clark: 13:43

So good. And and so I think this is like my personal question. I'm sneaking this in here. Because I think you're just a fantastic leader. I and I think it's you know, it can be challenging. I mean, like you said, Just you you walk through something heavy, you're taking on, you know, grief and sadness it you know, for other people as well. But then you lead this amazing organization. And so, you know, that's a lot to carry, you know, and so I would love to know, you know, what's your leadership style? And how do you really care for others?

Krystalle Wheeler: 14:21

Yeah, I'm different. I don't pound with the iron fist, I don't stomp my feet, and I'm getting Hotty Toddy or in their face. I definitely care for my women and I care for their hearts. And I care more about how their relationship with the Lord is they care more about what's going on in their home than I do about the output. The service that I see that I can tangibly see hon on a website or report, and I am if I have an issue, it's I'm calling them to find out, you know, how are you doing? And how, how is your marriage? How are things in your family? You know, and maybe sharing some things I'm going through. I'm certainly friends with each one of my volunteers. It really truly feels like a family. And I do feel like that's different. I feel like it's different to care about somebody's heart than it is about their output. And I think that brings us a lot of unity and a lot of strength. All of them will tell you that we're all friends. We're all sisters, and we're all family. And God has really, really unified us and we feel very blessed with that.

Nicole Clark: 15:33

That's great. So how do you then have this tough time conversations, you know, especially if you're in such a tight knit community, and you guys really do feel like family, you know. So what's that, like?

Krystalle Wheeler: 15:47

relationships are worth it, relationships are hard. But we're adults, and we're strong women, and we're not going to let things just go under the water under the bridge, we're going to make sure to face things head on, you know, or we're not going to allow things to fester and turn into something bigger than what it needs to be. So I pray for my team, I pray for them by name, I pray for them about their families and their circumstances. I pray for them for the weight of the ministry, as you said, they're reading story after story of loss. And sometimes it can feel like a burden, it can feel like too much. But that's where prayer really comes in and helps just soften the work that they're doing. And so some of my girls, you know, I'm able to communicate well with them through text or email, some of them require a phone call, some of them prefer face to face interaction. And so it's my job as a leader, to cater to them, and to what's going to be received Best, there's, you know, kind of like those surface issues where you know, an email is definitely appropriate. But then there's some harder circumstances where you really do need to sit down with someone, and you need to look them in the eye. And it just depends on a situation. And I really trust the Lord and the spirit to prompt me. Just to to move forward and whatever is going to be received Best in that situation. So

Nicole Clark: 17:18

awesome. Okay, so I know I've always heard this. And I don't know, to be honest, I don't even know if this is like, if it's truly biblical. Like it says it in the Bible, you know, but how you people always say, like, you turn your pain into purpose, and like your test is a testimony, you know, but I would really love for you just to talk with that person, you know, who has been through something unimaginable, you know, but has it on their heart to maybe start a ministry or start a nonprofit, but maybe is unsure, you know, just Where to begin? Or even how to lead other people?

Krystalle Wheeler: 17:54

Yeah, you know, God equips the call. And that is, yeah, equips the call. Do you know, I come from a place where high school was hard, because I wanted to socialize more than getting a plus on my test. And I don't have a college degree. And there's so many barriers and obstacles that I could use as a crutch. And I could say, well, I can't do that, because I don't have this experience. But what I've learned is that God will bring alongside women who share this vision with you. And now the way that he's called me to be a leader is different than what like the support looks like from my team members, but still very much so he can place a call in on their lives, since so, I'm trusting that there's women out there who love the Lord, and that God has gifted them and areas that I'm not gifted in, you know, I'm not good with technology. And thank God, He brought me people who can work on my website, and people who can pull reports and people who can even do simple things like a spreadsheet, like, I joke that I need to take a library course, but I'm also very serious, I would really benefit from that. And so there's just some skill sets that I lack, but he has been so faithful to bring people alongside, and he does take your small offering, and he grows that into something more than you can imagine, you know, being in the place that we are now is not anywhere that I thought we would be. And then such a good, good, positive way to and so just being able to trust that process, that process and, and I do think that, you know, our stories, our testimonies, and they're powerful, and a good story never gets old, you know, and to share mine about loss. I mean, it seems unimaginable and unmeasurable, but at the same time, it's such a place where, you know, it happened to me, it happened through me, it happened to my body happened to my family, and so I can easily share about it. And if that's a way that I can share the goodness of the Lord and to share his gospel and to expand his kingdom, then we just need to step into that we need to step into that responsibility of sharing our testimony and sharing our story and owning it too. So I definitely think that God has used my loss to impact others for the kingdom.

Nicole Clark: 20:26

Amen. I'm so encouraged by that, like just said like some really powerful things and so I hope everybody listening is encouraged to so Krystal, thank you so much. Thank you for just being on the show. And just sharing your kindness and sharing your heart. And your wisdom today. just appreciate you.

Krystalle Wheeler: 20:45

Thank you so much. Thanks so much for having me. It's been fun to be able to share a little bit more about my organization and the leadership and just what my team looks like. Because I know it is different. I know that, you know, some people might look at it and just kind of, whoa, how is this function? Well, it's been fun to share a little bit more of that, and not just so much in my last my losses important. It's important part of my story, and it's really helped give life to what I do. But it's been fun to share a different aspect, a different point of view. So thank you so much for, for curating these questions for me, I appreciate that.

Nicole Clark: 21:23

So can you tell everybody? How can we find you online or on your socials?

Krystalle Wheeler: 21:28

Yeah, I'd love to see people on Instagram, that is probably my favorite platform. And we're at lullaby of hope, same handle for Facebook. And if you've received one of our wonderfully made gift boxes, then you can actually join our private Facebook community group, lullaby of hope community, we'd love to minister to you through that as well. And then if you want to purchase a gift and send one to someone that you love, you can order your gift through lullaby of hope.org.

Nicole Clark: 22:00

Thank you for sharing. And so Krystalle, I have your final two, because this podcast is all about Matthew 516, and letting your light shine for the Lord. And so I truly believe that God just uses our story to change the world. And so how did your puzzle pieces lead you to where you are today?

Krystalle Wheeler: 22:20

You know, I had this opportunity to share at like a remembrance walk. And my sister in law shared with me a dream that she had. And she's like, Krystalle, it was like you were up there sharing your story. And it was you were wearing a quilt. And it was like all these patches coming together. And it was pieces of all these different women's stories that you've ministered to, and just how much that I treasure that and it just like becomes a piece of me in this garment. And just, it just was so precious that she shared that with me. And I think that that's the cases, we don't have all the answers we can't see as much as the Lord. And it's so much for our good, you know, if we knew everything, how is going to unfold? How much we would hesitate to step into different circumstances knowing that there could be heartache ahead, or what if we didn't, you know, allow that heartache and how God wouldn't be able to refine us through that. And so, I think that it's so important to heed his spirit and to pick up on and just, I like to journal and sometimes it's just jot journaling of, you know, the song that made me cry just I felt it in my bones or, you know, a dream that was more like a vision or just something that someone said to me that was really encouraging that they saw something in me that they spoke life over me. All those pieces are puzzle pieces that just completes the picture. And I really believe that that is so glorifying to the Lord that when we accept and believe that those things are from him that that's just another way that we worship Him and come alongside him and be really connected with him. I

Nicole Clark: 24:07

love that. And I just think you do such an amazing job at the shining bright and not hiding your light for the kingdom. Have you always been that way? And what can you share with us just to encourage us and help us?

Krystalle Wheeler: 24:19

I mean, I think I've always been fun, but

Nicole Clark: 24:23

I don't have

Krystalle Wheeler: 24:24

I mean, I don't think I've always had like a real cheerful positive attitude. You know, I think that sometimes I can tend to be a little bit more pessimistic. But I think that's just the shaping of the Lord on my heart really. Definitely. When I became a Christian, there's just so much joy to be had and just thirsting for the knowledge of Him is just is something that you can't help but shine for him about and so I definitely think it's been a process for me, it's not, you know, something fake that I put on. But I definitely feel like it's something that we need to lean into and a responsibility really just to share that with others and just knowing that, you know, there's happy Christians out there we're not always grumpy and you know, saying harmful hurtful things that there's goodness to behold.

Nicole Clark: 25:17

Love it. Krystalle, thank you so, so much appreciate you.

Krystalle Wheeler: 25:22

You're welcome to call. Thank you so much for this opportunity. It's been a blast.