WEBVTT 00:00:25.689 --> 00:00:31.995 Hello, hello, my unicorns, welcome back to another special guest episode of the Queer Confidence podcast. 00:00:31.995 --> 00:00:43.385 I am so excited today to introduce you to comedian co-host of the Dom Pop podcast and my hair idol, Quincy ae. 00:00:44.631 --> 00:00:47.757 Hello, wait, I love that you pronounced my last name correctly. 00:00:47.757 --> 00:00:50.022 I'm already feel like I'm at home here. 00:00:50.390 --> 00:00:51.370 I'm so glad you know. 00:00:51.370 --> 00:00:56.298 Usually I check that before we hit record and I forgot to you didn't need to. 00:00:56.399 --> 00:00:58.301 You were so strong and right. 00:00:58.301 --> 00:01:01.064 You were like I love it. 00:01:01.870 --> 00:01:02.813 Excellent, thank you. 00:01:02.813 --> 00:01:05.096 In my head I hesitated there for a moment. 00:01:05.096 --> 00:01:07.141 It was like oh fuck, just go for it. 00:01:07.441 --> 00:01:08.563 We can re-record if we need to. 00:01:08.563 --> 00:01:11.013 No, you had to nail that, nailed it. 00:01:11.013 --> 00:01:12.938 All of my teachers in high school shaking. 00:01:14.329 --> 00:01:14.549 Why? 00:01:14.549 --> 00:01:15.531 How do they usually? 00:01:16.072 --> 00:01:25.310 Your last name seems sort of easy to pronounce to me, I think so it's like there's an E which makes you assume that you should think it's a hard A noise. 00:01:25.310 --> 00:01:27.954 But now people go Bazen all the time Bazen. 00:01:27.954 --> 00:01:29.397 I get mailed still to this day. 00:01:29.397 --> 00:01:30.459 That says brazen. 00:01:30.459 --> 00:01:32.423 I'm like we're just throwing in extra letters. 00:01:32.423 --> 00:01:37.257 Now you should just teach a seminar and then we'll be good to go. 00:01:37.618 --> 00:01:38.519 I mean brazen. 00:01:38.519 --> 00:01:40.003 What an iconic name to have. 00:01:40.751 --> 00:01:44.743 I thought about changing my name before I started pursuing my career. 00:01:44.743 --> 00:01:50.438 I thought about just adding an asterisk over the A, not an asterisk, but like an accent. 00:01:50.438 --> 00:01:51.320 Thank you. 00:01:51.320 --> 00:01:55.936 Oh my God, an accent over the A, just so people knew exactly where to hit it with. 00:01:55.936 --> 00:01:59.001 All my friends told me it looked too pretentious, so I didn't do that. 00:02:00.811 --> 00:02:05.102 I mean pretentious might not even be bad in this industry anyway. 00:02:05.430 --> 00:02:08.495 Let's just say everyone has to be a little bit pretentious to make it right. 00:02:08.495 --> 00:02:13.181 So when I, if I don't make it, I'm going to believe my friends for not letting me put the accents on my A. 00:02:15.370 --> 00:02:19.751 Well, at least you have someone else to blame, so that you don't have to blame yourself Ever. 00:02:19.770 --> 00:02:22.737 Okay, I'm not going to take responsibility for my actions. 00:02:25.409 --> 00:02:28.876 The perfect introduction to a podcast on confidence. 00:02:28.876 --> 00:02:36.038 Oh my God, okay, no, for real, though, give a, give everyone a little. 00:02:36.038 --> 00:02:38.830 Introduce that introduction Intra. 00:02:38.830 --> 00:02:39.914 Ooh, that sounds sturdy. 00:02:39.914 --> 00:02:42.519 Okay, introduction to yourself. 00:02:42.519 --> 00:02:43.181 Who are you? 00:02:43.181 --> 00:02:43.682 What do you do? 00:02:45.211 --> 00:02:46.694 I put me on the spot. 00:02:46.694 --> 00:02:51.876 I'm not used to being the center of attention, that's not true. 00:02:51.876 --> 00:02:54.454 Okay, my name is Quincy Bayeson. 00:02:54.454 --> 00:03:01.856 Like you nailed, I am a comedian living in Los Angeles, california, but I still feel new to LA. 00:03:01.856 --> 00:03:04.753 I just moved here, like we were talking about before we reported. 00:03:04.753 --> 00:03:06.900 I just moved here after the pandemic in 2021. 00:03:06.900 --> 00:03:09.734 Before that, I was in San Diego for a couple of years. 00:03:09.734 --> 00:03:16.064 I think San Diego was like my toe step into moving to California, because I just moved across the country without a job, without anything. 00:03:16.064 --> 00:03:16.890 I just wanted to be. 00:03:16.890 --> 00:03:19.836 You know where the lights and beaches are. 00:03:19.836 --> 00:03:26.673 But my best friend, who I moved with, hates LA, the lack of change, so I couldn't convince her to move with me. 00:03:26.673 --> 00:03:30.201 So we did San Diego and I loved that. 00:03:30.201 --> 00:03:42.141 But before that I was actually a tour manager for the world's largest student home festival, which feels like another lifetime now, but I was the director of that festival for a couple of years and before that I was a Navy brat. 00:03:42.141 --> 00:03:44.312 I moved a. 00:03:44.312 --> 00:03:44.996 Can I curse? 00:03:44.996 --> 00:03:45.878 Do we curse? 00:03:46.831 --> 00:03:48.617 Oh, absolutely, we like to say the fuck word here. 00:03:49.310 --> 00:03:55.723 It was really great because I was going to say I moved what historians have called a fuck ton of times before I graduated high school. 00:03:55.723 --> 00:04:07.216 I think it was like 14 or 15 times before I graduated high school and then through a loophole and did up in Florida because of in state tuition and is that a bio? 00:04:07.216 --> 00:04:07.676 I don't know. 00:04:07.676 --> 00:04:09.581 I need to work on my elevator pit for myself. 00:04:09.581 --> 00:04:11.394 I guess I think that works. 00:04:11.394 --> 00:04:13.955 I'm a child of the world is what I'm trying to say. 00:04:13.955 --> 00:04:22.834 I'm in Europe mostly, and then yeah, oh my God, that was awful. 00:04:22.834 --> 00:04:23.536 I need a button. 00:04:23.536 --> 00:04:24.497 I need like a hook. 00:04:24.497 --> 00:04:25.560 I have no hook or button. 00:04:26.389 --> 00:04:27.872 I love that I told her for universe too. 00:04:27.872 --> 00:04:31.161 Like sorry for those of you trying to keep track, I was just bouncing all around. 00:04:32.932 --> 00:04:33.252 I'm ADHD. 00:04:33.293 --> 00:04:39.195 Everyone listening knows that Okay, great, and I didn't take my Adderall this morning. 00:04:40.349 --> 00:04:42.875 Y'all welcome to the most chaotic episode ever. 00:04:42.875 --> 00:04:43.317 Here we go. 00:04:46.310 --> 00:04:50.021 Anyone who listened to my podcast also expects nothing but chaos. 00:04:50.021 --> 00:04:54.290 So, absolutely, you're from Dump Hop, you're right at home. 00:04:54.310 --> 00:04:55.875 Yeah, okay, tell everyone a little bit about your show. 00:04:56.911 --> 00:04:59.394 Oh, dump Hop, Product of the pandemic. 00:04:59.394 --> 00:05:03.497 So many podcasts are my best friend and I are. 00:05:03.497 --> 00:05:17.021 Entire text thread for the past decade has just been us talking about the pop girls and you know what the these rollouts or like what our favorite rollouts are, how the singles are stacking up and it's just all this like stupid gay conversation. 00:05:17.021 --> 00:05:23.221 You know that there that we love to have and I was like I bet there are people who are interested in having these baggie conversations with us. 00:05:23.874 --> 00:05:26.310 And I don't know not many gays are into pop music. 00:05:27.173 --> 00:05:34.000 No, it's pretty niche, I'm learning, but we started it in 2021 and we're so. 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:38.040 We're in our third season now and every week we just tackle an album. 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:40.310 We go track by track, which is really fun. 00:05:40.310 --> 00:05:50.742 We get to talk, not only like the big hits every you know but like the deep cuts, and we get to do like, I mean just everybody, we just did our hundredth episode a few months ago. 00:05:50.742 --> 00:05:54.574 Congratulations, thank you, it's so, it's I don't know. 00:05:54.574 --> 00:05:55.197 It's fun, it's nice. 00:05:55.550 --> 00:06:02.999 So, like a force during the pandemic, it was nice to just like keep in touch with my bestie, but now it's I mean, it's work, as I'm sure you know. 00:06:02.999 --> 00:06:03.860 Like it's, it's work. 00:06:03.860 --> 00:06:06.622 Yeah, I'm top of that, but it's a. 00:06:06.622 --> 00:06:14.283 It's a project that was really, really passionate about, and now we started interviewing other artists, which is super exciting and kind of adding new elements to it. 00:06:14.283 --> 00:06:30.713 The best part about it that was every year we do our own awards show, because we don't care about the Grammys, but the nominees dot, dot, dot is where it's at, okay, that's where the real winners are awarded, okay, but I love it's just, it's just a fantasy. 00:06:30.713 --> 00:06:38.795 We just live in our own little fantasy world and we Kiki and for whatever reason people seem to like to listen to it, so it all works out. 00:06:39.350 --> 00:06:54.149 Yeah, I really like I listened to part of a couple episodes because I wanted to like get like learn a little bit about you before having you on the show and I love the like BDSM Dominic tricks vibe that you all have with this show. 00:06:54.690 --> 00:07:01.002 Well see, because the T is in my, my pre not pre performing because I performed on my life, but pre like pursuing performing full time. 00:07:01.002 --> 00:07:09.478 I was a marketing gay, like so many other days are, and so I'm big on the branding and I love to brand. 00:07:09.478 --> 00:07:13.660 I love to put my Canva pro membership straight to work. 00:07:14.470 --> 00:07:16.333 So I think all of that came from. 00:07:17.014 --> 00:07:20.540 I think the like all of the dominatrix stuff came from. 00:07:20.540 --> 00:07:21.661 We were just like shooting this shit up. 00:07:21.661 --> 00:07:23.932 We were going to call the podcast when we were developing. 00:07:23.932 --> 00:07:27.310 It was called pop goes poof, but then again, like I just didn't, I couldn't see it. 00:07:27.310 --> 00:07:30.199 I couldn't, really couldn't see the structure or whatever. 00:07:30.199 --> 00:07:40.944 And then my friends who I think was single at the time, something someone messaged him about he was they were looking for a Dom Top and I was like that's it. 00:07:40.944 --> 00:07:46.942 Like that's it, it's Dom Pop and it's just this BDSM gay music fantasy. 00:07:46.942 --> 00:07:49.757 Yeah, the rest is her story. 00:07:49.757 --> 00:07:52.153 There you go. 00:07:53.690 --> 00:07:56.257 Quite frankly, the whip sound effects do it for me. 00:07:58.072 --> 00:08:01.399 Yeah, like in the demo of the pilot. 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:02.365 Demo of the pilot. 00:08:02.365 --> 00:08:11.143 See, I can be pretentious, I don't need the accent I was trying to incorporate, like handcuff noises and like shackling, and I'm like, no, it's too much. 00:08:11.143 --> 00:08:13.858 Like you got to buy it, like it's too much. 00:08:13.858 --> 00:08:16.036 But yes, love a good web. 00:08:16.952 --> 00:08:17.574 Absolutely. 00:08:17.574 --> 00:08:28.305 I don't do any sound effects on this podcast yet, but you know if, if and when I do, that's absolutely at the top three sound effects. 00:08:28.305 --> 00:08:29.312 I never. 00:08:29.612 --> 00:08:46.227 I did an interview a couple of weeks ago on one of my friends podcasts and she basically records live with like a sound board and iPad, so anytime either one of us wanted to play a sound effect, we just press the corresponding button and there was like a shade rattle or there was like I might wait, you might have cracked this code, because that's way less work. 00:08:46.227 --> 00:08:50.119 Also then, like the seven hours and editing I'm doing every week. 00:08:50.802 --> 00:08:51.262 Right. 00:08:51.804 --> 00:08:52.086 I don't know. 00:08:52.086 --> 00:08:53.289 I might have to look into that. 00:08:54.112 --> 00:08:54.795 That's a great idea. 00:08:54.795 --> 00:08:56.433 Send me that info when you get it. 00:08:57.469 --> 00:09:00.458 I want the like instant sound board. 00:09:02.033 --> 00:09:05.250 I don't like listening back to it later and editing. 00:09:05.250 --> 00:09:07.132 I make notes as I go. 00:09:07.212 --> 00:09:14.203 If there's any parts that I need to like, clip you know, as I'm rambling, you're like, okay, we're cutting, whatever the fuck you say right now, right. 00:09:15.610 --> 00:09:16.894 I've lost interest. 00:09:16.894 --> 00:09:17.978 I'm looking out the window. 00:09:17.978 --> 00:09:19.873 I have no idea what we're talking about anymore. 00:09:19.873 --> 00:09:20.836 Right, yeah. 00:09:22.309 --> 00:09:34.344 I feel like I enjoy it better when, like because, like I mean, like we've done so many episodes now, like sometimes we're not always doing like an album that we're obsessed with, which I think is part of the reason we wanted to like interject interviews now is, like I don't ever want it to become a chore. 00:09:34.344 --> 00:09:38.498 I wanted like it's work, but it's it's work that I'm passionate about. 00:09:38.498 --> 00:09:48.938 I can't we're just like talking about an album because we have to put out an episode, then neither of us are enthusiastic and then those are the episodes that I find that I'm not really having fun editing. 00:09:48.938 --> 00:09:56.239 Because, like, I'm not fun editing I used to be a video editor for a long time Like I think it's good for my ADHD to like it's very detail oriented and like it's a good task. 00:09:56.239 --> 00:10:04.140 But again, like, if the content isn't interesting to me as the producer, then like I don't really feel like it's going to be that interesting to the consumers either. 00:10:04.140 --> 00:10:04.501 You know. 00:10:05.723 --> 00:10:08.992 Yeah, 100%, 100%. 00:10:08.992 --> 00:10:14.682 You're in the right industry, absolutely All right, tell us a little bit more. 00:10:14.682 --> 00:10:21.474 I want to hear more about your journey becoming a comedian Becoming a comedian. 00:10:21.474 --> 00:10:23.321 Yeah, like how the fuck did you get here? 00:10:23.321 --> 00:10:25.430 Have you always known that you wanted to get into comedy? 00:10:25.430 --> 00:10:26.313 Is this like a new or? 00:10:26.313 --> 00:10:26.454 Thing? 00:10:27.356 --> 00:10:28.077 No, it's definitely. 00:10:28.077 --> 00:10:28.939 It's a newer thing. 00:10:28.939 --> 00:10:34.175 I hate to keep talking about the pandemic, but it really was a form of a time In a wakeening Right. 00:10:34.175 --> 00:10:40.767 Well, I mean, I think for so many people, it gave us an opportunity to really sit with the lives that we've made. 00:10:40.767 --> 00:10:44.474 You know, physically, obviously, like I'm in this space, who are the people that I've surrounded myself with? 00:10:44.474 --> 00:10:46.377 Where am I at with my life? 00:10:46.377 --> 00:10:48.600 You know, I was fortunate enough that I didn't lose my job. 00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:53.226 I was already working remotely for that film festival prior to the pandemic. 00:10:53.226 --> 00:10:55.269 So, for the record, I was working remote before. 00:10:55.269 --> 00:10:55.750 It was cool. 00:10:57.476 --> 00:11:01.266 Same thing here for like shining our credentials. 00:11:01.955 --> 00:11:02.497 You know what it is. 00:11:02.497 --> 00:11:09.474 I mean we'll get into this later and like the confidence portion, but I just like I really struggle with authority and I really struggle with anyone telling me what to do ever. 00:11:09.474 --> 00:11:17.985 So the freedom of working remote was a beacon for me from the onset, I think, of my professional life. 00:11:17.985 --> 00:11:20.168 But I mean, I've always been a performer. 00:11:20.168 --> 00:11:24.414 I've been an actor since I was seven, six. 00:11:24.414 --> 00:11:35.474 My mom loves to tell the story about me disappearing in the McDonald's playground and then when she found me 10 minutes later, I was yelling action and I had recreated like a retelling of the Titanic with all of these children I had just met. 00:11:35.474 --> 00:11:42.706 Oh my God, because on top of being a performer my entire life, I've been a control freak since I came out of the loom. 00:11:42.706 --> 00:11:46.840 But you know, I grew up on military bases. 00:11:46.840 --> 00:11:48.583 I moved pretty much every single year. 00:11:48.583 --> 00:11:58.798 So like I would, you know, finish my grade and then we'd move during the summer, do a grade and during the summer, and so all I had as a constant was theater and I would just seek out theater. 00:11:58.798 --> 00:12:10.454 And you know, theater freaks are easy to bond with because you know, we're all, we're all a bit of an outcast and you know, as the perpetual new kid on the block, it was easier for me to kind of like just sink my teeth into that and chart away forward. 00:12:10.454 --> 00:12:16.365 So I majored in theater, but nowhere we're majoring in theater mattered. 00:12:16.365 --> 00:12:26.434 I was in Tampa, florida, and I got involved with this film festival and then it hit me I was like, well, I don't really need a degree in theater, I want to pursue acting, or you can just pursue acting. 00:12:26.434 --> 00:12:31.946 So I just changed my major to mass com and then got involved with the film festival, the other yada, yada, yada. 00:12:31.946 --> 00:12:34.732 And then was actually pursuing writing and directing. 00:12:34.853 --> 00:13:03.995 For a while and right before the pandemic I was working on a web series called rest, in pieces Kind of autobiographical, but only in the sense that like the characters had, like my character had my own name and it was just like this kind of cartoon version of myself and me and my two best friends were the other characters and I wrote and directed it and it was actually meant to be a six part like full length, 30 minute sitcom fantasy, incredible. 00:13:03.995 --> 00:13:06.921 We kind of, because one of my friends lived in Denver at the time. 00:13:06.921 --> 00:13:13.474 Our shooting schedule was kind of staggered, and so by the time the pandemic hit, we only had one episode shot in full and it was the third episode. 00:13:13.474 --> 00:13:14.877 So I ended up. 00:13:14.877 --> 00:13:17.964 I was just like so itching to like do something. 00:13:17.964 --> 00:13:22.454 I was like, well, okay, well, scrap everything else and I'll just put this episode out as its own web series. 00:13:22.454 --> 00:13:27.159 So I chopped it up into three bits and I promoted it over 2020. 00:13:27.159 --> 00:13:33.486 And then I was just kind of twiddling my sums in 2021 started the podcast and I was okay, that's great. 00:13:33.506 --> 00:13:36.329 But then after four months I was like I need more, like I'm not fulfilled. 00:13:36.329 --> 00:13:45.760 I wasn't doing any theater, wasn't doing any acting, but I didn't have the tools or the community anymore to be doing full like web series episodes. 00:13:45.760 --> 00:13:51.265 I'm like what can I do 100% of the time with my own time? 00:13:51.265 --> 00:13:55.788 Like what can I devote as much effort as I want to and see that progress? 00:13:55.788 --> 00:14:18.296 And I ended up turning to stand up because I was like, well, I can tell these stories and I can do the performing thing and I can do the writing thing, and I don't need to like fly my friend in from Denver, I don't need to fly my cinematographer down from San Francisco, I don't need to get five people together for three days at a time which is way harder than it sounds, also when you have no money, and so it just became. 00:14:18.296 --> 00:14:20.899 It became, I guess. 00:14:20.918 --> 00:14:30.368 I guess it was born out of necessity, but now, you know, I'm in the process of writing like two different one man shows and I think that that's something I'm finding about my. 00:14:30.368 --> 00:14:36.454 My voice as a comedian to is like I think for a while I was, I was stuck in this mind. 00:14:36.454 --> 00:14:41.300 Instead of okay, stand up, is like you go up and you're like, well, here's this and here's this joke, blah, blah, blah. 00:14:41.300 --> 00:14:44.464 But that was never my writing style and it's never been my performing style either. 00:14:44.985 --> 00:14:56.039 So I think, specifically the last year or so, trying to weave in my own identity, into my my material has been really fun, and I think, if you come see one of my shows, I'm very conversational. 00:14:56.039 --> 00:15:04.789 I'm just like he came with my girls and I'm an open book, so I talk about all kinds of stuff from, like mental health to my sex life and things like that. 00:15:04.789 --> 00:15:08.476 So I think that I don't know. 00:15:08.476 --> 00:15:09.157 It's a. 00:15:09.157 --> 00:15:14.244 It's a very much an ongoing journey and it's very much something I'm still learning about. 00:15:14.244 --> 00:15:29.403 I'm putting up my first hour this fall with plans not going to do another one next spring, because I just want to like kind of throw everything I've got at the wall and then see what can happen to know, because I just, I just can't I just want to wait around. 00:15:29.423 --> 00:15:30.044 I'm too impatient. 00:15:30.044 --> 00:15:31.526 Also is another thing to know about me. 00:15:31.526 --> 00:15:33.529 I'm the most impatient person I know. 00:15:33.529 --> 00:15:45.447 I mean even just like the last year that it's taken to kind of like work on the material and get to it like I would be doing it every fucking day if I could and didn't need to like pay bills and, you know, do regular bullshit stuff. 00:15:48.917 --> 00:15:49.197 Yes, totally. 00:15:49.298 --> 00:15:50.399 Super long answer. 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:51.980 I hope it made sense. 00:15:51.980 --> 00:15:54.024 I hope we tracked it from absolutely did. 00:15:54.303 --> 00:15:57.086 Yeah, I think one of the you do. 00:15:57.086 --> 00:16:00.130 You have another job that supports you to while you do all this. 00:16:00.915 --> 00:16:02.098 Yeah, I still do copyrighting. 00:16:02.098 --> 00:16:05.164 So I do like copyrighting like a medical marijuana company. 00:16:05.164 --> 00:16:09.998 Great, Any like fun cutesy little weed strain you're reading about. 00:16:09.998 --> 00:16:11.359 I could have wrote it. 00:16:11.359 --> 00:16:13.802 I could have wrote it probably did. 00:16:14.343 --> 00:16:16.805 There's a lot of accents on all the a's you know. 00:16:17.066 --> 00:16:18.387 You know, that's my calling card. 00:16:21.894 --> 00:16:45.258 I think it's important for for people to hear that too, because I know I, being around the world of like a lot of entrepreneurs for the last oh God how many years seven years really got this image that, oh, you just sort of like quit everything, you go in and then you're just successful and then that is not how the world works. 00:16:45.258 --> 00:16:45.879 That's not how it works. 00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:57.231 And I love hearing other people that are willing to be like oh no, like this is my dream, this is my passion, this is what I my main thing, but like I also have like a fucking full time job that supports all this shit. 00:16:59.116 --> 00:17:26.869 You know, when I first moved to LA and people were asking me like what I did, I would tell them that I was a copywriter, which, like I look back on, like why did I ever tell anybody that like that's like where I get 90% of my income and like that's how, like it's what I have to do to like support myself and support it's like my family, but I, I mean that's not who I am, that's what I have to do to support what I am, which is like a performer and actor, comedian. 00:17:26.869 --> 00:17:28.030 That you're absolutely right. 00:17:28.030 --> 00:17:38.821 Like nobody talks about the hustle, as much as I hate that, the grind, quote unquote but it's very real and very prevalent in my life and I think most other performers lives. 00:17:39.262 --> 00:17:42.485 Yeah, also like golden tip number one of the day. 00:17:42.485 --> 00:17:53.902 If you are pursuing a like new career, if you're pursuing a new future, whatever it is, stop identifying yourself with the old version. 00:17:54.802 --> 00:17:55.503 I saw some. 00:17:55.844 --> 00:17:56.124 God. 00:17:56.565 --> 00:17:57.445 Sorry, I'm gonna interrupt you. 00:17:57.605 --> 00:18:00.849 I saw some tweet like I actually think it was before the pandemic. 00:18:00.849 --> 00:18:12.604 I wish I could attribute the quote, but it was basically like if you're, if you're, stop calling yourself like an aspiring filmmaker or a fire, like if you're making anything, like you're doing it, like that's what you are. 00:18:12.604 --> 00:18:26.154 Like adding the aspiring in front of it is already minimizing what you're doing and it just puts out that energy that you don't view yourself as on par with all these other people in the industry. 00:18:26.154 --> 00:18:33.423 Like it's a, it's a mentality of yourself, it's a mentality for others, because Lord knows how the other half of the work is networking and getting other people to believe in you. 00:18:33.423 --> 00:18:45.480 So that's something that I forgot about, I think, for a long time, but from the past year I've been trying to just own it, you know, just fake it to you may get yeah, or it's not even really faking it at that point though. 00:18:46.942 --> 00:18:47.724 Yeah, also true. 00:18:47.724 --> 00:18:48.586 See, there we go again. 00:18:48.586 --> 00:18:50.548 See like I'm still still. 00:18:50.548 --> 00:18:54.315 It still feels like faking, everything feels like faking, even when you're making. 00:18:55.115 --> 00:18:56.938 Yeah, even orgasm sometimes. 00:18:57.620 --> 00:19:00.886 No, don't fake orgasm, not in my experience. 00:19:02.694 --> 00:19:12.746 I have before faked orgasms, but it was just like I was so miserable and this is like a few years ago, like hooking up, and I was like I just want to get out of here. 00:19:12.746 --> 00:19:14.048 I'm like, oh, wow, that was great. 00:19:14.048 --> 00:19:15.210 Okay, thank you, bye. 00:19:16.774 --> 00:19:22.360 Well, but you see the problem with men faking orgasms or those of us with penises faking orgasms. 00:19:22.360 --> 00:19:33.750 Is there really has to be evidence of such an orgasm and I'm like well, I'm not here to like give you, exhibit a like, I'm just going to have to figure out a way to come and then get the fuck out of here. 00:19:34.554 --> 00:19:39.201 I would pretend when I was topping and I'd be like oh god, it's in there, okay, bye. 00:19:39.201 --> 00:19:43.808 And then like yeah, I get to leave before they find out that they had no deposit. 00:19:44.796 --> 00:19:45.336 Oh yeah. 00:19:50.635 --> 00:19:51.779 Anyway, we don't fake anymore. 00:19:52.816 --> 00:19:53.859 No, no, no, no. 00:19:53.859 --> 00:19:58.233 I don't think I've ever faked an orgasm. 00:19:58.233 --> 00:20:01.100 Actually, I just would genuinely like okay, I'm good, I don't think it's going to happen to me. 00:20:04.955 --> 00:20:06.277 Honestly, I love that. 00:20:06.277 --> 00:20:17.329 See, we were talking also y'all before starting, about how we've learned that honesty is, oh my god, so important in relationships, but we'll get that to that later. 00:20:17.329 --> 00:20:30.107 I want to hear more about your coming out journey, because you told me that you, you know you grew up in the military, moving around everywhere and then came to the states and college. 00:20:30.107 --> 00:20:32.951 Like, when did you come out and what was that like for you? 00:20:32.951 --> 00:20:35.118 I've never interviewed anyone on the podcast. 00:20:35.118 --> 00:20:39.006 It's had to come out in like a military family setting. 00:20:39.915 --> 00:20:42.361 Well, this is actually what my show is about. 00:20:42.361 --> 00:20:46.617 My show is called don't ask, don't tell, and it's all about. 00:20:47.378 --> 00:20:48.339 I mean just just that. 00:20:48.339 --> 00:20:55.049 It's about my journey growing up, you know, in a conservative Christian military home abroad. 00:20:55.049 --> 00:20:56.355 You know I was in high school. 00:20:56.355 --> 00:20:59.299 I went to high school in Bahrain, which is a country off the coast of Saudi Arabia. 00:20:59.299 --> 00:21:06.505 So very pick my words carefully it's. 00:21:06.505 --> 00:21:13.154 I wouldn't say that it's the most liberal place you could go, certainly not the most forward thinking. 00:21:13.154 --> 00:21:20.789 So I think for me it was like whatever the opposite of exposure therapy is like. 00:21:20.829 --> 00:21:27.292 I didn't meet a gay person until I was in college back in the States and it was very much like I was just thrown into the deep end. 00:21:27.292 --> 00:21:36.317 I mean maybe not the deep end, because I still went to college in Florida in 2011, but it was like a very crazy awakening to me. 00:21:36.317 --> 00:21:42.770 I remember I came out to my best friends summer after I graduated high school. 00:21:42.770 --> 00:21:44.230 I told her that I was bisexual. 00:21:44.230 --> 00:22:02.634 Because I believed that I was bisexual, I thought that I would maybe hook up with some dude like fiddle at each other a little, and then it'd be out of my system and I was going to marry a woman and maybe we just wouldn't have a super exciting sex life. 00:22:02.634 --> 00:22:25.774 But that was the life ahead of me and then, over the course of my freshman year for no reason in particular, I guess, just like getting older and developing more critical thinking I came to the conclusion that I was not bisexual and I was just gay, and that in itself was very much okay, obviously. 00:22:25.774 --> 00:22:30.549 But I think it's interesting to talk about these things now, because this was over a decade ago. 00:22:30.549 --> 00:22:39.476 Like the thought of being in the closet or the thought of not embracing my queer identity. 00:22:39.476 --> 00:22:40.950 It makes me laugh. 00:22:40.950 --> 00:22:45.294 Like I feel like I'm chuckling now because it just seems so far removed from who I am. 00:22:45.294 --> 00:22:48.413 Like I'm just a queer little bitch. 00:22:48.413 --> 00:22:51.969 Like I love being gay, I love being queer. 00:22:52.810 --> 00:22:57.972 Because I think what's so exciting about being queer is like coming out is just the first barrier. 00:22:57.972 --> 00:23:01.975 Like it's this first fuck you to society. 00:23:01.975 --> 00:23:12.315 That like I don't play by these rules that you've set up for me, I don't have to live within these four walls that you've built around me and you and the world. 00:23:12.315 --> 00:23:19.095 And once you've broken through that barrier, like every other barrier just seems really weak and feeble. 00:23:19.095 --> 00:23:24.115 And then you realize that you can have so much more freedom in your life. 00:23:24.115 --> 00:23:36.091 You can dress however you want, you can express yourself in any way that you want, you can hang out with people that are really really fun and interesting and queerer than you are, and that's exciting and these people are gonna bring out more of your identity. 00:23:36.091 --> 00:23:40.513 And you know, obviously I live in LA so it's not that hard to like find these communities here. 00:23:40.513 --> 00:23:45.830 But the little bits that I was getting in Florida at the time was really really exciting. 00:23:45.870 --> 00:23:50.807 In it it almost like in the same way that like when you're like kissing a boy for the first time, like it feels. 00:23:50.807 --> 00:23:58.951 It feels I don't wanna say wrong because obviously I don't know but there's like this itch in the back of your mind like oh, like what is this? 00:23:58.951 --> 00:24:03.971 This is strange and it's new to me, but I think I like it and I think I wanna explore this more. 00:24:03.971 --> 00:24:09.884 I think that that's what a lot of my college years were and even beyond that, I think that that's what my twenties were. 00:24:09.884 --> 00:24:18.951 My twenties were coming to not terms, but coming to the light and the joy of just like living as a free, queer person. 00:24:18.951 --> 00:24:20.586 Love that. 00:24:21.128 --> 00:24:21.429 Yeah. 00:24:22.024 --> 00:24:25.169 There was another long answer for you, sorry have it alert. 00:24:25.190 --> 00:24:26.233 I know why you're apologizing. 00:24:26.233 --> 00:24:27.936 This is your guest interview. 00:24:27.936 --> 00:24:28.884 You get to talk a lot. 00:24:29.246 --> 00:24:30.491 No, I just ran, I just talked. 00:24:30.491 --> 00:24:36.692 I literally just went to visit my mom like two weeks ago and she just kept talking, and talking, and talking. 00:24:36.692 --> 00:24:39.192 And I'm like girl, why are you still talking? 00:24:39.192 --> 00:24:41.633 And I'm like oh God, oh God. 00:24:42.804 --> 00:24:47.174 It's really and that's where you get it from, Literally, and I was like my. 00:24:47.296 --> 00:25:01.911 My boyfriend and I we went to Italy to cause he's from England, so his mom and my mom was in Italy, and so his mom flew down to Italy to meet us for the weekend and his mom my mom was just talking her ear off and his mom was a very good listener and I was like oh, look, it's us. 00:25:01.911 --> 00:25:03.969 There's the talker and there's the listener. 00:25:03.969 --> 00:25:06.313 What? 00:25:07.435 --> 00:25:12.750 I love it, and, and now people are going to pay to just let you talk at them for an hour, right? 00:25:12.991 --> 00:25:14.254 Exactly, exactly. 00:25:14.254 --> 00:25:15.498 That's really where I'm happy. 00:25:15.498 --> 00:25:17.677 It's just with a microphone on stage. 00:25:17.677 --> 00:25:21.870 I always say that I could have done drag if I wasn't as lazy as I am. 00:25:21.870 --> 00:25:28.011 Yeah, I just don't have the energy and the stamina that they do to put all that extra work into it. 00:25:28.011 --> 00:25:34.529 But I'm happy to throw a couple knock knocks at ya, you know, keep you entertained while I just keep rambling. 00:25:35.011 --> 00:25:36.825 Yeah, oh yeah there. 00:25:36.825 --> 00:25:43.792 I've done drag a couple of times and I was like this is so uncomfortable, it's so much effort ahead of time. 00:25:43.792 --> 00:25:46.168 I was like I bet. 00:25:46.168 --> 00:25:47.908 No, I can't. 00:25:47.908 --> 00:25:50.971 No, I've got so much respect for drag. 00:25:50.971 --> 00:25:54.625 Let's see. 00:25:54.625 --> 00:25:56.308 Was there anything else I wanted to ask you about that? 00:25:56.308 --> 00:25:58.331 I mean, I was thinking like what was it like? 00:25:58.331 --> 00:26:02.191 How'd your family react to you coming out and is there? 00:26:02.191 --> 00:26:04.890 Any that you wanna share think would be useful for people to learn from. 00:26:06.025 --> 00:26:07.591 A useful I don't know, let's see. 00:26:07.591 --> 00:26:09.049 So I came out to. 00:26:09.049 --> 00:26:12.972 I came out to my sister first. 00:26:12.972 --> 00:26:15.091 My sister's one of my best friends in the world. 00:26:15.091 --> 00:26:15.432 Still. 00:26:15.432 --> 00:26:16.749 I came out to her first. 00:26:16.749 --> 00:26:19.032 She was great and lovely. 00:26:19.032 --> 00:26:20.931 And then I came out to my mom. 00:26:20.931 --> 00:26:24.453 So I came out like over the course of 2013,. 00:26:24.453 --> 00:26:34.013 I came out and I came out to my sister at the top of the year it was like January 1st or 2nd or something, because I was home for the holidays and then I came out to my mom that summer and she was great. 00:26:34.013 --> 00:26:45.769 She cried, said she knew, and I was like okay, but my favorite part of that story is the whole week I've been trying to buy this like $300 blazer, but I couldn't bring myself to spend $300, which I mean when you're 19,. 00:26:45.904 --> 00:26:52.986 It's like rent it's like a thousand dollars, but anyway. 00:26:53.027 --> 00:27:06.791 So I had come out to her, we had this really like intense crime moment, and she was flying back to Germany later that night, and so she came up to me again, again and I like hugged me and she's like I want you to go get that place, and then she handed me $300. 00:27:06.791 --> 00:27:14.842 And I was like I didn't end up getting the blazer, but I was suddenly $300 richer and I was like, okay, coming out pays okay. 00:27:14.842 --> 00:27:17.292 Coming out pays is what I learned. 00:27:19.036 --> 00:27:21.172 And then I've never heard that lesson before and I like it. 00:27:21.944 --> 00:27:25.230 Yeah well, you're learning more and more every time you hear a new story. 00:27:25.330 --> 00:27:44.990 right, it's all about the new perspective, Mine is all about financial gain, which is actually why I didn't come out to my dad for so long well, like another six months because I was worried that because they were like supporting me while I was in college and like paying my tuition, my rent, and I was worried that they would not do that any longer, should he learn the truth about what I'm up to on that campus. 00:27:44.990 --> 00:27:51.954 But this is a very, actually dramatic story I'll spare you the details of, but we had a family meeting. 00:27:51.954 --> 00:27:57.051 I don't know if you were a family meeting kind of home, but we were- we did sometimes have some family meetings. 00:27:57.125 --> 00:28:01.049 It was always bad, Always bad of course, yeah, always bad. 00:28:01.524 --> 00:28:04.272 And my dad is, my dad's a military man. 00:28:04.272 --> 00:28:13.793 He's very, very type A and you know, I don't even I don't think the details were even about me, like it was about my brother. 00:28:13.813 --> 00:28:31.432 My brother was doing something and it just put my dad in a pissy mood, and then he wanted us to have this family meeting and I don't know about your experience, but whenever I felt like I was gonna come out, it was literally like Katie and me girls like the word vomit, but I could just feel it coming. 00:28:31.432 --> 00:28:32.909 My whole body would tense. 00:28:32.909 --> 00:28:39.013 And when I came out to my sister, I just started sobbing because it felt like it was out of my hands, like I wasn't in the driver's seat anymore. 00:28:39.013 --> 00:28:43.089 I just knew this was the moment I was gonna come out and that whole meeting I just had this knot in my stomach. 00:28:43.089 --> 00:28:45.349 I'm like this is it, like this is what's gonna happen. 00:28:45.349 --> 00:28:54.011 And there was just this massive, dramatic, screaming match like between me and my brother and my dad so dramatic, just so extra. 00:28:54.011 --> 00:29:04.073 And the fall there was no like fallout per se in the way that I was worried about their being, but it became. 00:29:04.073 --> 00:29:05.404 I mean, that was 2013. 00:29:05.404 --> 00:29:13.594 And I think that it wasn't until 2018 that my dad finally was able to say that he was like. 00:29:13.594 --> 00:29:17.691 He was able to say that I had convinced him that being gay wasn't a choice. 00:29:17.691 --> 00:29:26.393 So it was like this very prolonged six year journey for him, more so than anybody else. 00:29:27.384 --> 00:29:39.028 And I think for a while I struggled with the idea of like having to take on this role of a teacher because and I feel this way about a lot of things too like queer people go through so much Like I don't. 00:29:39.028 --> 00:29:48.127 Sometimes I struggle with the idea to think that it's fair that we also have to, on top of all of what society has put onto us and put us through. 00:29:48.127 --> 00:29:56.238 We've got to sit there and we've got to be the bigger person and we've got to be patient and we've got to teach bigots how to be better people. 00:29:56.238 --> 00:29:58.111 And I struggled with that for a long time. 00:29:58.111 --> 00:30:01.134 I was very ready to just like wipe my hands. 00:30:01.134 --> 00:30:03.330 I mean like well, if you don't get it, you don't get it, fuck off. 00:30:03.330 --> 00:30:10.129 But that's not, obviously, a super successful communication tactic. 00:30:10.129 --> 00:30:12.552 So I didn't do that. 00:30:12.552 --> 00:30:24.412 And you know, my dad's not perfect by any means, but he loves me, he loves my boyfriend, he loves to see me happy and that's what I try to focus on. 00:30:24.491 --> 00:30:36.053 So Wow, Do you have anything that you could share that for anyone going through something similar like what helped you have the patience during that time? 00:30:41.484 --> 00:31:03.225 You know, I think I don't know how applicable this is across the board, but for me, I always thought of my father as a very, very intelligent person and I think I got a lot of my intelligence from him and so a lot of my drive and a lot of my type A organizational quirks All the quirks. 00:31:03.225 --> 00:31:30.993 I've been asked and I just, I mean, I don't know, I just really struggle, not even past tense, because even beyond 2018 and into the pandemic, like these ideas that he had or these ideas that people like him had, because they're just so quick to believe the propaganda machine about anything that threatens, you know, the white nuclear family's way of life. 00:31:30.993 --> 00:31:33.090 They're just not interested in it. 00:31:33.090 --> 00:31:49.109 But I think I realized that if I wasn't gonna have the patience and if I wasn't going to maintain communication with him, he's never gonna speak to another gay person in his life, like he's not gonna have anybody who's willing to have these conversations with him. 00:31:49.109 --> 00:31:55.409 And my parents actually just got divorced this summer and I think that it's because they couldn't have those conversations anymore. 00:31:55.524 --> 00:31:59.711 And yes, you know he's come a long way, but like some things, he just can't shake. 00:31:59.711 --> 00:32:15.550 If you think the election's stolen, I don't know what to tell you, because I can only send you so many links and poke so many holes in these silly, silly things you're saying before. 00:32:15.550 --> 00:32:20.095 For your own sanity, you have to draw a line, you have to draw a boundary. 00:32:20.095 --> 00:32:34.127 So, while I have a good relationship with him regarding, like my personal life, like we, we still struggle to see eye to eye on the world in many, many ways. 00:32:34.127 --> 00:32:50.560 But again, I think it's all because of the same reason, like it's all because the people in power don't want people to be breaking down those berries, breaking down those walls, because then their way of life, where they're sitting pretty on top without question, is threatened and they don't want that at all. 00:32:53.404 --> 00:32:54.571 Yeah, makes sense. 00:32:54.571 --> 00:33:00.725 Also like we could go so far down that rabbit hole, but for today we'll set that one aside. 00:33:00.725 --> 00:33:02.087 Thank you for sharing that. 00:33:02.087 --> 00:33:06.225 I think that is absolutely helpful and useful for everyone today. 00:33:06.225 --> 00:33:09.845 So let's see switching gears here a little bit. 00:33:09.845 --> 00:33:15.525 I would love to hear what is it like for you being on stage in front of people. 00:33:15.525 --> 00:33:20.685 I mean, you're on a literal stage often and you're also on a virtual stage. 00:33:20.734 --> 00:33:21.797 I mean, you don't have. 00:33:21.797 --> 00:33:25.605 You have a sizable online following with like what? 00:33:25.605 --> 00:33:31.806 Nearly 40,000 followers on Instagram now and almost 50,000 on TikTok. 00:33:31.806 --> 00:33:34.402 Like eyeballs are on you. 00:33:35.396 --> 00:33:39.884 Yes, eyeballs are on me and I think the two very different experiences for me. 00:33:39.884 --> 00:33:44.481 I love being on a real stage, like I've performed my entire life. 00:33:44.481 --> 00:33:48.563 I feel very, very comfortable talking to large groups of people. 00:33:48.563 --> 00:34:04.263 I do not love the digital stage and I think, if, if, if and if I truly believe there was any way for me to be successful in this industry without social media, I would do it in a heartbeat. 00:34:04.994 --> 00:34:11.327 But, like so many things in 20 to 23, it's a necessary evil. 00:34:11.327 --> 00:34:21.849 I I don't really know how I would promote myself or promote my actual art without it. 00:34:21.849 --> 00:34:38.587 Like and I talked about this a couple months ago with my boyfriend because I felt like social media was becoming this, this weird, I guess, job that I had to do, or like this weird, I mean and I don't mean to discredit anyone who like content, creation is there, is their life. 00:34:38.587 --> 00:34:59.884 I used to have a lot of fun doing that before the pandemic and I don't know, I just really lost the spark for it and now it's become this thing that I have to focus on and get people to care about, so that they will think about caring about this other thing that I really want them to care about you know which is you being like on stage, coming to my show, like coming to my? 00:35:01.134 --> 00:35:05.706 show or like watching my web series, or like following my acting journey or whatever. 00:35:05.706 --> 00:35:14.822 But in order to that, I've got to be successful on social media in like all of these ways and all of these different platforms. 00:35:14.822 --> 00:35:20.210 And I don't know, I mean it's just, I don't know. 00:35:20.210 --> 00:35:24.985 I think I also struggle too with just like this idea of like an enclosed perception of myself. 00:35:24.985 --> 00:35:37.802 Like I don't like the idea some video of me popping up or a picture of me popping up on somebody who, somebody's page who's never seen or heard of me before, and then that's their entire perception of who I am. 00:35:37.802 --> 00:35:42.076 And obviously this is just like the internet and I need to get over it, but I do. 00:35:42.076 --> 00:35:52.081 I really do struggle with this concept of people not understanding facets to individuals and how we're all multifaceted. 00:35:52.996 --> 00:36:02.025 And I don't know, when I started really trying to focus on social media, like a little over a year ago, I think I was like, okay, I just got to, I just got to rip the bandaid off. 00:36:02.025 --> 00:36:28.445 You know, of course, having any kind of presence comes with comments that are nice and comments that aren't nice, and I had to take the Beyonce approach and just stop reading comments, because everyone has an opinion right and you're never going to please anybody and, nope, not everybody's going to think you're funny and everybody's going to think that your content is you know slang, the house down the booties, and I would just take it really personally. 00:36:28.445 --> 00:36:39.362 People would like make fun of me for something I said and I was like, oh, but that's not even true, because look at this other thing I did, where I was doing exactly what you just said I couldn't have been doing and I was like, you know, I just got to stop. 00:36:39.362 --> 00:36:40.677