WEBVTT 00:00:25.489 --> 00:00:28.215 Hello, my unicorns, welcome back. 00:00:28.215 --> 00:00:35.555 In today's episode, we're going to talk about resting without guilt, or taking a break. 00:00:35.555 --> 00:00:41.644 And look, I know that resting or taking a break is hard. 00:00:41.644 --> 00:00:59.504 In our Capitalistic Society, we're taught to think of time as money at least, at least those of us that are not on the top and we're also left with money being a main source of security. 00:00:59.504 --> 00:01:13.525 So time off or time resting is less secure and leads to us having more worry and more anxiety Sounds like the opposite of confidence to me. 00:01:13.525 --> 00:01:14.209 How about you? 00:01:14.209 --> 00:01:26.993 So I and many of my clients have had a really hard time taking a break, and I'm going to guess that this is probably your experience too. 00:01:28.337 --> 00:01:36.097 One of the things that I often hear with breaks is the worry about doing it right. 00:01:36.097 --> 00:01:42.010 That rest has to somehow be the right kind of rest. 00:01:42.010 --> 00:02:09.043 Rest, like if you're not reading or doing yoga or journaling, something that's like self-development, self-improvement related, then it's not a good enough rest, and I just want to let you know that that is fucking bullshit that is programmed into us. 00:02:09.043 --> 00:02:13.278 That is the productivity goblin monster. 00:02:13.278 --> 00:02:19.450 Whatever A break or a rest is not about being perfect or doing it right. 00:02:19.450 --> 00:02:22.075 That's not rest, that's more work. 00:02:22.075 --> 00:02:26.504 So we need to drop that, my friend. 00:02:26.504 --> 00:02:32.750 We need to drop the expectations that you have on yourself to do it right. 00:02:34.413 --> 00:02:36.717 A rest is relaxation. 00:02:36.717 --> 00:02:41.305 A rest does not have any goal other than to just be. 00:02:41.305 --> 00:02:44.409 A rest is just being. 00:02:44.409 --> 00:02:46.974 It's existing, it's breathing. 00:02:46.974 --> 00:02:52.405 It can be journaling, it can be meditation or grounding exercises. 00:02:52.405 --> 00:03:01.152 It can also be throwing barbells around in the gym or learning to do back flips, or riding your bike or your unicycle, I don't know. 00:03:01.152 --> 00:03:07.664 It can be going for a drive with no destination in mind. 00:03:07.664 --> 00:03:10.092 It can be watching a sunset. 00:03:10.092 --> 00:03:12.358 It can be walking the dog. 00:03:12.358 --> 00:03:15.063 It can be hanging out with your best friend. 00:03:15.063 --> 00:03:20.158 It can be listening to music and letting it just take you on a journey. 00:03:20.158 --> 00:03:27.236 It can be sitting in a nook and crying because you just can't keep it all together anymore. 00:03:27.236 --> 00:03:36.936 There is no right way, there is no grade, there's no pressure. 00:03:36.936 --> 00:03:40.643 Those things aren't. 00:03:40.643 --> 00:03:43.631 Rest Now. 00:03:44.051 --> 00:03:59.771 Ironically, in preparation for today's episode, I kept trying to think of some kind of profound, perfect message that I could give you, and then I realized that that's just another symptom of the problem. 00:03:59.771 --> 00:04:02.717 We don't live to work. 00:04:02.717 --> 00:04:07.504 We work as a beautiful part of life. 00:04:07.504 --> 00:04:15.320 It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment, but it's not the only thing. 00:04:15.320 --> 00:04:22.320 It's time to ask yourself what do you make your work or productivity mean about you? 00:04:22.320 --> 00:04:25.250 Why are you so addicted to the hustle? 00:04:26.793 --> 00:04:33.086 For me, it was because I believed that I was what I do like what I do for people. 00:04:33.086 --> 00:04:35.070 That gave me value. 00:04:35.070 --> 00:04:39.358 Now I know that that's not true. 00:04:39.358 --> 00:04:45.293 I know now that it's actually who I am that gives me value. 00:04:45.293 --> 00:04:49.829 And, my friend, that is absolutely true of you too. 00:04:49.829 --> 00:05:00.072 It is not what you do, it is not how you do it, it's not how much you do that makes you valuable as a person. 00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:11.884 No one loves you or adores you, looks up to you or wants to be your best friend or your lover because of what you do. 00:05:11.884 --> 00:05:20.125 They want to be in your glorious, amazing, iconic, one of a kind delicious. 00:05:20.125 --> 00:05:23.052 Give me more presence. 00:05:23.052 --> 00:05:25.567 They wanna be around you, they wanna be with you. 00:05:25.567 --> 00:05:28.288 They wanna be in your life because of who you are. 00:05:28.288 --> 00:05:37.947 I know that you already know that's true of other people that you wanna be around them because of who they are, not necessarily what they can do for you. 00:05:39.660 --> 00:05:44.709 It's time to just flip that on yourself and remind yourself that the same is absolutely true of you, too. 00:05:44.709 --> 00:05:54.867 Now I'll tell you from experience that, even though I know this, and even though many of my clients know this and we're working on it you're still human. 00:05:54.867 --> 00:05:56.502 I'm still human, we're still human. 00:05:56.502 --> 00:05:58.202 We still forget. 00:05:58.202 --> 00:06:03.100 We revert to old ways, and it's okay, I know. 00:06:03.100 --> 00:06:08.786 I revert to my old ways of running myself ragged, and then I have to pause and I realize, oh shit, why am I so exhausted? 00:06:08.786 --> 00:06:15.591 Oh yeah, for the last couple of weeks I've been trying to write a book in a month or less. 00:06:15.591 --> 00:06:19.369 Hell, no, let's drag it out. 00:06:19.369 --> 00:06:20.423 Let's have a little more time. 00:06:20.423 --> 00:06:21.964 Doesn't all need to be done? 00:06:21.964 --> 00:06:23.365 What is this deadline anyway? 00:06:23.365 --> 00:06:25.504 Why did I set this in the first place? 00:06:25.504 --> 00:06:30.747 Oh yeah, because that sounded like really productive, and productive equals valuable. 00:06:30.747 --> 00:06:36.653 So, fucked up, let's be done with that shit. 00:06:36.653 --> 00:06:47.639 Huh, let's at least make a commitment to being done with it, and then, when you realize that you're doing it again, just remind yourself oh yeah, it's that thing I do and let it go. 00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:55.240 So, please, permission for all of us to be imperfect at resting. 00:06:55.620 --> 00:07:02.086 Now, zooming out a bit, I also believe that rest is an essential ingredient to the life that I want. 00:07:02.086 --> 00:07:17.536 It's not actually success if I'm miserable by just working, working, working all the time, I would be absolutely drained, and that is not the life that I want. 00:07:17.536 --> 00:07:31.315 This is part of the reason that I moved to San Diego last year was because I wanted to be in a culture that would encourage me to slow down and be present with my life and enjoy things other than productivity. 00:07:31.315 --> 00:07:41.173 Also, if never resting actually was the answer to success, then I should have been a worldwide celebrity years ago. 00:07:41.173 --> 00:07:45.105 I should have been a gazillionaire by now. 00:07:45.105 --> 00:07:50.752 I should have been like done, check my whole, I don't know. 00:07:50.752 --> 00:07:55.480 Life's mission is just done, yeah, perfect, a plus. 00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:59.483 And that's obviously not the gaze. 00:07:59.483 --> 00:08:02.146 That's ridiculous and we know that. 00:08:03.427 --> 00:08:11.216 And yet many of us put the pressure on ourselves to just produce, produce, produce, do, do, do, busy, busy, busy. 00:08:11.216 --> 00:08:19.970 So I'm inviting you to try it out and take an actual break, an actual rest with me. 00:08:19.970 --> 00:08:28.459 And, speaking of my own rest, I'm taking a break from the podcast for the month of December and I'll be back in the new year. 00:08:28.459 --> 00:08:35.448 The plan next year is to release the podcast in short themed seasons. 00:08:35.448 --> 00:08:39.413 That way it will have rest built in there for me between the seasons. 00:08:39.413 --> 00:08:51.847 Each season will have a focus on a particular part of queer life and the queer journey and, if you haven't caught on yet, I am practicing what I preach. 00:08:51.847 --> 00:08:56.273 Just like I tell you, I'm treating this show as a living art project. 00:08:56.273 --> 00:08:59.135 I'm experimenting and having fun with it. 00:08:59.135 --> 00:09:02.479 So thank you for coming along with me on this journey. 00:09:02.479 --> 00:09:11.488 I'm excited to see you in the new year for more impactful solo episodes and meaningful interviews with fabulous guests. 00:09:12.449 --> 00:09:19.696 If you've been getting a lot out of the show, would you consider making a monthly pledge of just $3 to keep the project going? 00:09:19.696 --> 00:09:23.479 My birthday is in a couple days and you can make this my birthday present. 00:09:23.479 --> 00:09:32.889 I put a lot of time and money into this podcast because I love you and I care about this mission of spreading queer confidence. 00:09:32.889 --> 00:09:38.516 If you're benefiting from the show, I would love your support so we can continue the mission. 00:09:38.516 --> 00:09:47.353 The link to support the show is down in the show notes and if it's not in the budget for you, would you make sure to tell one friend about the show today? 00:09:47.353 --> 00:09:53.439 Spreading this message to support queers and becoming more confident is the purpose of this show. 00:09:53.439 --> 00:09:59.222 Big hugs to all of you, my queer unicorn family. 00:09:59.222 --> 00:10:07.106 Have a fabulous rest of 2023 and I'll see you next Tuesday, in a few Tuesdays. 00:10:07.106 --> 00:10:08.286 Bye.