Coach Alex Ray: Hello, my unicorns, welcome back.
Coach Alex Ray: In today's episode, we're going to talk about resting without guilt, or taking a break.
Coach Alex Ray: And look, I know that resting or taking a break is hard.
Coach Alex Ray: In our Capitalistic Society, we're taught to think of time as money at least, at least those of us that are not on the top and we're also left with money being a main source of security.
Coach Alex Ray: So time off or time resting is less secure and leads to us having more worry and more anxiety Sounds like the opposite of confidence to me.
Coach Alex Ray: How about you?
Coach Alex Ray: So I and many of my clients have had a really hard time taking a break, and I'm going to guess that this is probably your experience too.
Coach Alex Ray: One of the things that I often hear with breaks is the worry about doing it right.
Coach Alex Ray: That rest has to somehow be the right kind of rest.
Coach Alex Ray: Rest, like if you're not reading or doing yoga or journaling, something that's like self-development, self-improvement related, then it's not a good enough rest, and I just want to let you know that that is fucking bullshit that is programmed into us.
Coach Alex Ray: That is the productivity goblin monster.
Coach Alex Ray: Whatever A break or a rest is not about being perfect or doing it right.
Coach Alex Ray: That's not rest, that's more work.
Coach Alex Ray: So we need to drop that, my friend.
Coach Alex Ray: We need to drop the expectations that you have on yourself to do it right.
Coach Alex Ray: A rest is relaxation.
Coach Alex Ray: A rest does not have any goal other than to just be.
Coach Alex Ray: A rest is just being.
Coach Alex Ray: It's existing, it's breathing.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be journaling, it can be meditation or grounding exercises.
Coach Alex Ray: It can also be throwing barbells around in the gym or learning to do back flips, or riding your bike or your unicycle, I don't know.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be going for a drive with no destination in mind.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be watching a sunset.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be walking the dog.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be hanging out with your best friend.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be listening to music and letting it just take you on a journey.
Coach Alex Ray: It can be sitting in a nook and crying because you just can't keep it all together anymore.
Coach Alex Ray: There is no right way, there is no grade, there's no pressure.
Coach Alex Ray: Those things aren't.
Coach Alex Ray: Rest Now.
Coach Alex Ray: Ironically, in preparation for today's episode, I kept trying to think of some kind of profound, perfect message that I could give you, and then I realized that that's just another symptom of the problem.
Coach Alex Ray: We don't live to work.
Coach Alex Ray: We work as a beautiful part of life.
Coach Alex Ray: It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment, but it's not the only thing.
Coach Alex Ray: It's time to ask yourself what do you make your work or productivity mean about you?
Coach Alex Ray: Why are you so addicted to the hustle?
Coach Alex Ray: For me, it was because I believed that I was what I do like what I do for people.
Coach Alex Ray: That gave me value.
Coach Alex Ray: Now I know that that's not true.
Coach Alex Ray: I know now that it's actually who I am that gives me value.
Coach Alex Ray: And, my friend, that is absolutely true of you too.
Coach Alex Ray: It is not what you do, it is not how you do it, it's not how much you do that makes you valuable as a person.
Coach Alex Ray: No one loves you or adores you, looks up to you or wants to be your best friend or your lover because of what you do.
Coach Alex Ray: They want to be in your glorious, amazing, iconic, one of a kind delicious.
Coach Alex Ray: Give me more presence.
Coach Alex Ray: They wanna be around you, they wanna be with you.
Coach Alex Ray: They wanna be in your life because of who you are.
Coach Alex Ray: I know that you already know that's true of other people that you wanna be around them because of who they are, not necessarily what they can do for you.
Coach Alex Ray: It's time to just flip that on yourself and remind yourself that the same is absolutely true of you, too.
Coach Alex Ray: Now I'll tell you from experience that, even though I know this, and even though many of my clients know this and we're working on it you're still human.
Coach Alex Ray: I'm still human, we're still human.
Coach Alex Ray: We still forget.
Coach Alex Ray: We revert to old ways, and it's okay, I know.
Coach Alex Ray: I revert to my old ways of running myself ragged, and then I have to pause and I realize, oh shit, why am I so exhausted?
Coach Alex Ray: Oh yeah, for the last couple of weeks I've been trying to write a book in a month or less.
Coach Alex Ray: Hell, no, let's drag it out.
Coach Alex Ray: Let's have a little more time.
Coach Alex Ray: Doesn't all need to be done?
Coach Alex Ray: What is this deadline anyway?
Coach Alex Ray: Why did I set this in the first place?
Coach Alex Ray: Oh yeah, because that sounded like really productive, and productive equals valuable.
Coach Alex Ray: So, fucked up, let's be done with that shit.
Coach Alex Ray: Huh, let's at least make a commitment to being done with it, and then, when you realize that you're doing it again, just remind yourself oh yeah, it's that thing I do and let it go.
Coach Alex Ray: So, please, permission for all of us to be imperfect at resting.
Coach Alex Ray: Now, zooming out a bit, I also believe that rest is an essential ingredient to the life that I want.
Coach Alex Ray: It's not actually success if I'm miserable by just working, working, working all the time, I would be absolutely drained, and that is not the life that I want.
Coach Alex Ray: This is part of the reason that I moved to San Diego last year was because I wanted to be in a culture that would encourage me to slow down and be present with my life and enjoy things other than productivity.
Coach Alex Ray: Also, if never resting actually was the answer to success, then I should have been a worldwide celebrity years ago.
Coach Alex Ray: I should have been a gazillionaire by now.
Coach Alex Ray: I should have been like done, check my whole, I don't know.
Coach Alex Ray: Life's mission is just done, yeah, perfect, a plus.
Coach Alex Ray: And that's obviously not the gaze.
Coach Alex Ray: That's ridiculous and we know that.
Coach Alex Ray: And yet many of us put the pressure on ourselves to just produce, produce, produce, do, do, do, busy, busy, busy.
Coach Alex Ray: So I'm inviting you to try it out and take an actual break, an actual rest with me.
Coach Alex Ray: And, speaking of my own rest, I'm taking a break from the podcast for the month of December and I'll be back in the new year.
Coach Alex Ray: The plan next year is to release the podcast in short themed seasons.
Coach Alex Ray: That way it will have rest built in there for me between the seasons.
Coach Alex Ray: Each season will have a focus on a particular part of queer life and the queer journey and, if you haven't caught on yet, I am practicing what I preach.
Coach Alex Ray: Just like I tell you, I'm treating this show as a living art project.
Coach Alex Ray: I'm experimenting and having fun with it.
Coach Alex Ray: So thank you for coming along with me on this journey.
Coach Alex Ray: I'm excited to see you in the new year for more impactful solo episodes and meaningful interviews with fabulous guests.
Coach Alex Ray: If you've been getting a lot out of the show, would you consider making a monthly pledge of just $3 to keep the project going?
Coach Alex Ray: My birthday is in a couple days and you can make this my birthday present.
Coach Alex Ray: I put a lot of time and money into this podcast because I love you and I care about this mission of spreading queer confidence.
Coach Alex Ray: If you're benefiting from the show, I would love your support so we can continue the mission.
Coach Alex Ray: The link to support the show is down in the show notes and if it's not in the budget for you, would you make sure to tell one friend about the show today?
Coach Alex Ray: Spreading this message to support queers and becoming more confident is the purpose of this show.
Coach Alex Ray: Big hugs to all of you, my queer unicorn family.
Coach Alex Ray: Have a fabulous rest of 2023 and I'll see you next Tuesday, in a few Tuesdays.
Coach Alex Ray: Bye.