The Art of Self Sabotage

In today’s episode, I discuss the art of sabotaging yourself. Think about how hard you work to make progress in life - whatever it is; relationships, weight loss, work, etc.. Only to put yourself right back where you started. 

For the Sponsor I Widh I Had, I mention Bourbon Barrel Foods - an entire company dishing out amazing sauces, seasonings, rubs and more, all with a hint (or more) of, you guessed it...bourbon.

I also discuss negative self-talk and how poorly that can impact our lives. 

For the Just the Tip segment, it's all about reamoratizing of your mortgage. 

I Whisper In a great content creator, Mastermoneyco on IG and YouTube who makes consistently great videos about all things finance and has a great podcast called The Personal Finance Podcast. .  

@saturdayisdadurday on Insta

Saturday is Dadurday on YouTube

Saturdayisdadurday@gmail.com

Music by Purple-planet.com
Music by Wondershare Filmora 12

Transcript

Holy shit, am I great at the art of Self Sabotage?
So here's the story.
When we moved to Arizona, that was a opportunity for me to kind of revamp and reset for myself as far as my health is concerned. And I promptly got my fat ass in the gym, started working out and really was focused on
all I want to do is take a slow progression to getting back to being healthier. Again, getting back to being a little bit fitter, I am a little older, so I'm not trying to be a hero, I'm not trying to lift 1000 pounds, I'm not working out for a six pack, I just want to get healthy, get moving again, and get back to feeling better. So the apartment that we were in, while we were still looking for our house, had a really awesome gym, like super cool. And I would go in there on my lunchtime during the day, and there was nobody in there like ever. So I was in there working all by myself, I had my podcast going and had the gym to myself, and I loved it. And I found like a pretty good easy workout plan that I could do. And I was moving through it. And I was eating better, nothing crazy just being more consistent and being you know, a little bit better. And I was really enjoying it. And I was really happy and proud of myself that I was not trying to be Mr. Tough guy. And I was using very lightweight. And I was you know, being mindful of my range of motion, all of that nonsense. And a couple of weeks in six weeks in, I was in there by myself doing the same thing, taking my time, using appropriate weights, appropriate range of motion, and feeling good. And all of a sudden, my right lower back felt like it exploded. And immediately I was like God dammit, I knew exactly what had happened, I knew I had hurt myself. And that was right around the time, when we were moving into the house that we're in now. So I was already planning on taking a couple days off because I were moving anybody that's moved, you work, you know, 12 hours a day moving stuff, and you're just your body's just wrecked for like a couple of days after you're done moving. So that lined up. And I was really, really mad when that happened. And I kind of put it off to the side for a little bit because we were moving and we got settled in and that just kind of you know, occupies your entire life for a few days, you finally get settled in the house and, and you're kind of moving in and the dust settles. And I my my reaction to that was I was really, really mad. And I was mad because I felt like for one of the first times in my life, my intentions were pure. And what I was doing was totally appropriate. Given my current age and weight and fitness level and range of motion ability and all of that, I felt like I was very much so coloring within the lines. And I still got a giant middle finger with my right lower back. And I had to go to the chiropractor. I mean, it was to the point where I had a hard time walking up and down the stairs, and could not sleep at night and just miserable. So there's one or two things that you can do when you're in those kinds of situations, you can see it as a setback, and do the best you can, there was still plenty of things that I could have done to continue on being healthier, and eating better, and recovering better and doing all of that. Or there's the other option, which is you can just throw up to middle fingers and say, eff it and get mad and puff your chest out and say well screw it what doesn't matter anyway, I can't stay healthy and blah, blah, blah, guess which one I did.
So I really, really am great. I am I would say elite like Jedi Master level at self sabotage. And I'd like to know if anybody else has ever been in the same position. Oh.
One of the things that I've always struggled with, with the self sabotage is just this loop that you're in and it's so hard to break the cycle for me at least have just this negative loop of whatever it is. And for me it's not working out consistently combined with eating poorly combined with not being as productive as I should be outside of work combined with feeling anger, guilt, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, because of all of that, and then just going right back to it instead of figuring out a way to to
to move past it or get dig out of it. And I know people deal with much bigger problems than what I'm talking about. So I'm not trying to say poor me, I'm just saying in my little in my little corner of the world here that that's something that I've struggled with. And I wonder if anybody else has done that to where whatever it is, whether it's working out, or finances or relationships or whatever, but you just kind of get in this cycle where you just cannot get out, get out of your own way. And I was making progress, I had been losing weight, I had been feeling fitter I had been eating better, having more energy, sleeping better, be more fun to be around.
And all of a sudden, I just decided to throw all of that out of the window, because I was pissed. And the lesson in that to me that I would share with my daughter, and that I would share with myself is you're going to have negative things happen to you. And something my dad always used to say is you can suffer the injustice. But you don't have to suffer from the injustice. And that is a great lesson. Because what I have chosen to do so many times over the course of my life, is I have chosen to suffer from the injustice. Instead of realizing that things happen, suffer the injustice, and just move forward. I'm curious to know if anybody else has been in that situation. And if that advice rings true for anybody else.
Oh
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We were talking earlier about the art of Self Sabotage, and how I am a master Jedi Knight with that, as you can see with my lightsaber back there.
What goes hand in hand with self sabotage? What is the the gas for self sabotage the fuel is negative self talk, and I'm not trying to go all weird podcasts are on you here. But this was something I had discovered for myself. We all have an inner monologue or actually, there was a study done recently that said, not everybody has an inner monologue. So for those of us who have inner monologues, and talk to yourself, or think to yourself, how much of that I would challenge each of us how much of that is negative. And for me, a lot of the time that I spend in my own head is negative. It's negative thoughts about myself. It's negative thoughts about situations, it's negative thoughts about other people. It's petty resentments. And I don't, I don't believe myself to be that. I don't believe myself to be a petty, resentful tit for tat kind of person who keeps receipts on everything forever. But oftentimes in my head, that's what's running through my head. And then also negative self talk about myself. My opinion of myself in my head is very, very low. And I don't know if anybody else can relate to that. But, you know, for me, I have struggled with my weight. My entire life. I've been up and down. I've been much heavier than I am now. I've been much lighter than I am now. And I've let that be too important to me for too long. And I still have this where every time that I walk in front of the mirror, I look at myself and what happens either
externally or internally is, I shake my head in disgust? Basically, I'm just disappointed with myself. And then why can't you get it together? Why can't you eat healthier consistently? Why can't you be more consistent with working out? Why are you still struggling with this as a grown adult who's, you know, somewhat successful in life just by virtue that I'm still here, still functioning? And then it gets to, that it's going to negatively impact me long term and what that could possibly mean for my relationship with my wife and my daughter, and what if I have health issues down the road, and blaming all that on myself which I should like, the only reason that I am not as healthy as I should be, you're not as fit as I should be. It nothing no one has done anything. To me nothing in the outside world has done anything. To me, it's been my choices that have done this. But I have gotten in my own way, and been in my own head for far too long, and made so many poor choices, because I am like, almost doing it to spite myself.
Or as Michael from the office that to spite her face. So I have been in just in my own head way too long. And I don't I'm I'm sure other people are like that. I don't think I'm alone in that.
And I would be curious to know what other people how other people deal with that. And it's easy to give advice to someone else, right? The situation of walking by a mirror and looking at it and being disgusted, it's easy to say, hey, you know who you are, as a person isn't defined by what you look like in a mirror 100% True, could not agree more. And also, I know what that internal struggle is like to be so frustrated, and to not be able to wear all the clothes that you have, and to always feel uncomfortable in the clothes that you have or always feel uncomfortable when someone's taking a picture of you, or whatever the case is. And just to always feel like that. It's so frustrating, and so disappointing. And as I say that my watch went off, Siri. So that's, that's pretty fun. Thanks for listening, by the way.
But the the advice I think I would give to my daughter, the lesson from this is, it's okay. To be critical of yourself. I think it's absolutely okay to be critical of yourself. That is how you develop as a person, when you can step back, objectively look at yourself, give yourself a performance review, and recognize where you're doing well recognize where some of your deficiencies are, and then put together a plan of what you can do to try to get better at those deficiencies and try to leverage more of your strengths in life just the same way you would approach something at work. So I don't think there's anything wrong with having a hard conversation with yourself.
Short story for me, keeping with this weight theme, when I was in college, early part of college, I was in better shape. I tried out for the basketball team and I was on the practice squad for a while. And then I kind of got out of that and hurt my back again, and got out of that and decided to switch to beer and pizza and sub sandwiches and watching reruns of home improvement on TBS at four o'clock to six o'clock or something like that in the dorm room. And over a couple of years, I've put on a considerable amount of weight, almost 100 pounds. And
I remember 2004 I was with my dad, and we were on vacation somewhere. I remember I was standing in front of the mirror putting a shirt on and like for the kind of registered for the first time in a while like, I did not even recognize who that person was. And I we got back from vacation. And that next day that we got back or whatever, I started eating healthier. And I started working out and that was sort of an aha moment for me. And that was the beginning of me losing
like 80 pounds, and it took a year. So I mean, I was you know, doing it playing the long game there. But that was sort of an aha moment. And then also at the same time, the other end of the spectrum, like a year later, I remember being at a hosting a birthday party at my apartment, my first apartment for one of our friends that I worked with.
And I was like the lightest that I had been in forever, like I had lost a lot of weight. And I remember drinking and doing whatever we all went out came home. And I remember just puking my guts out. And looking back on that like the next day I realized like oh, I had hardly eaten anything and I was had run six miles and and I had whatever. And that was also a wake up call like Yo dude, you're taking this way too extreme. Like you don't need to be this. You don't need to deprive yourself
have this much, because you want to look good, or you want to fit into clothes or whatever. So I kind of relaxed a little bit and found a happy medium for a long time. But it's okay to have those tough conversations, what's not okay is to just beat the hell out of yourself and just rail against yourself forever and ever and ever, internally, and just abuse yourself. And I think about the thoughts that I have and have had about myself over the long term. I would never say that to my wife, to my daughter, to my mother to my friends, I would never say that kind of stuff. But I'm fine with saying it to myself. That doesn't seem right. And this is not, you know, I'm harder on myself than anybody else's. I'm not talking about that. Like, it's not okay for us to be abusive to ourselves. And that's something that I am still struggling with every day is finding that balance of I can have hard conversations with myself. But I don't need to abuse myself, I can be honest, I don't need to be brutal when I'm honest. Right? I don't need to be brutally honest, I can just be honest. And that translates to me inwardly, that is, for me, at least, is projected outward. When I'm having one of those days or weeks, where I am really negative on myself internally, that projects itself outward on to my wife to my daughter, my mother, my friends, like I am snippy. I'm short with people and quick to get frustrated. And it's nothing that they're doing. Right. It is all me it is all me being pissed at myself, because I stepped on the goddamn scale again, or I can't fit into that goddamn shirt that I was hoping to fit into or whatever. And instead of me looking at it and looking at the choices that I made over that last week, what do I do, I get pissed at myself, I start negative self talking, I say, eff it, I'm gonna go do whatever I want, I'm going to have a drink, I'm going to order, whatever, I don't care, whatever. And the cycle just repeats itself. And then a week goes by again. And I step on the scale again, or I feel gross, because I'm not sleeping well. And I feel sluggish. And it just repeats itself until somewhere I break the cycle, and try to figure it out. And right now, I'm in one of those places where I broke the cycle. And I am trying to do a better job. And I am really trying every day to not negative self talk myself to death. And be
proud be aware of the positive steps that I'm making, checking off those small wins, that can add up over time, because it is not something that has a finish line. For me when I'm talking about this, this, this health journey, whatever the shit you want to call it, there is not a finish line, right? It's not like, Hey, I'm gonna eat healthy for a month, and then I have the results I want and then I'm good. It is a change in your life, it is a change in your belief system, it is a change in the way that you operate as a person, not just I'm going to eat healthy, or I'm going to cut out carbs, but it is a fundamental change in how you live as a person. And that extends beyond just eating and extends beyond just working out. And what I would the advice that I would give to my daughter would be it is okay to be critical of yourself. But it is not okay to treat yourself that poorly. It is not okay to beat yourself up for an extended period of time. And to you know, to loosely tie in a faith element here not to go too crazy on that. But, you know if if God has the ability to forgive all the time? And why why why would we not be able to forgive ourselves? And that's something that I struggle with and try to reconcile with on a consistent basis. Oh.
In today's just the tip segment, we're going to talk about something that I am not an expert in at all. I can't even say the word half the time but I'm going to try it. We're going to talk about very briefly. A re amortization Yes, of your mortgage. Now the reason that I'm bringing this up is my wife and I just went through this a few months ago, and a re amor amortization. See, I can't even say to re amortize your loan. There you go fu nine syllable word or to recast your loan or your mortgage is basically you take a lump sum, a large lump sum, and you apply it towards your principal that you have on your mortgage and you basically reset it the term stay the same. So if it's a 30 year it's still a 30 year, your interest rates stay the same. So if it's 6% or 7%, it stays at six or 7%.
Which sucks.
But you're able to lower the total amount, which in essence lowers the monthly payment that you will be making. And then also over the life of the loan, assuming that we're staying with it for the life of the loan will reduce your overall costs because you're paying less than interest over time. Now, it's not applicable for everyone. It's different than refinancing, refinancing your loan, or your mortgage is when you actually change the terms. So either the the length, or the rate. This is called this is re amortizing or recasting your mortgage which is you're just trying to lower your monthly payment, in essence by applying a large lump sum to the principal. So you're lowering that principal, but the terms the time and the interest rates stay the same. So it's not for everyone. But if you're in a situation where that is something you might be able to do, especially if, depending on what your interest rate is, that's something I would say you might want to consider. Again, that's different than refinancing. This is a recast or re amortization of your mortgage. Yes, I said it. Today's just the tip. Oh.
Okay. Today's whispering is a really great Instagram account, YouTube channel, website, and podcast. The guy's name is Andrew.
And his podcast is called the personal finance podcast, his YouTube channel, and website and Instagram account is master money co master money co.com. And he talks a lot in very digestible bite sized pieces about basic personal finance 101 about what types of investments you should be making 401 K 529 what we were just talking about re amortizing or recasting a mortgage refinancing types of stocks and ETFs to invest in really, really good. He's a young guy, very digestible, very bite sized pieces. His podcast is great. I've been listening to him for a little over a year now. Really good stuff. He always updating his Instagram and his YouTube channel. So his name is Andrew. The personal finance podcast is the name of the podcast, his instagram handle and YouTube channel and website is master money. Master money co master money co with Andrew today's whisper. Oh.
Okay, as we wrap up on another episode of the Saturday as Saturday podcast, first of all, thank you for listening and paying attention. It's great to have people listening to this, and hopefully it's resonating. And these are good conversations that we that we're having and listening to. And hopefully I'm I'm one of the voices that you can argue with in your head. Today's episode, we talked about the art of self sabotage and how I am a Jedi Master. In doing that, whether it's working out or finances or career or relationships, whatever it is, perhaps somebody else besides me is struggling with the art of Self Sabotage where you think you're making progress, you're starting to make progress, and then you fall backwards into a cycle that that just pulls back all that progress, and you get into this loop that you just can't get out of. We also talked about the coach console is today's sponsor, I wish I had totally awesome, I'm asking for one for Christmas. It is a modular design of a console that fits on your couch designed to hold your drinks to hold your remote, hold your snacks, hold your video game controllers, all of that really, really cool stuff. We also talked about negative self talk, and I am also a Jedi Master in that. And I wonder how many else people listening and seeing this have gone through the same thing or are going through the same thing where the way that you talk to yourself and the way that you abuse yourself is far worse than anything you would ever say to anybody else. And that's something we need to be mindful of, and help teach each other and our children so that they don't have the same habit to the degree that we have. For those of us that are going through with some of that are just the tip segment was about re amortizing or recasting your mortgage or loan and how that's different from refinancing. But it's something you might want to look into it may or may not be advantageous to you and your family. And our whispering segment was tied sort of to that to the personal finance podcast and the master money co Instagram and YouTube channel guy's name is Andrew. He does a lot of really great stuff bite sized pieces of financial information, personal stuff 401k Where to put investments 529
different things you can do for yourself, for your family for your children really good stuff. He's always updating it with new content in his podcast is really good. I think it climbed up pretty pretty aggressively over the last year, so definitely check them out. Thank you very much for listening, as I said before, to this week's episode into the podcast in general. We'll be back next week and remember, Saturday is Dadurday.