Starting a Fraternity: If You Don't Like Your Current Situation, Create a New One.

In this week's episode I discuss how I was nearly set to join a fraternity that I wasn't really loving..until I stopped and realized that I had the choice to do my own thing. Oh, and I was dressed like Mr. Potato Head.

In this clip, the 'lesson' I learned from starting a frat was to NOT compromise principles in order to fit in or belong. I was 'this close' to joining a frat that I was not really a fan of, and in doing so, would have compromised things I held to be true, all because I wanted to fit in.

With the advice clip, I talk about how instead of going along with the options I was given, I helped create a new option. This advice can relate to many aspects of our lives.

 Sponsor I Wish I Had: The Perfect Jean NYC  @theperfectjean7216  
Just the Tip: Why Your Sheet Pan Meals Suck 
Whisper In: Rob Dance  @robdance_ 

Check out this related video: https://youtu.be/QtyASmEZ2F4?si=w_yRSENYi3L5-Ljw 

Check out the Story. Lesson. Advice. Podcast here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/919333/14216914 

Have a topic suggestion for the show? Email me at saturdayisdadurday@gmail.com 

Music by Purple-planet.com Music by Wondershare Filmora 12 

Connect on IG: @saturdayisdadurdaymedia

Transcript

Yes, it's true. In college, I had to walk out on stage in front of 1000 people dressed as Mr. Potatohead and dance to big papa
Welcome, everyone to another episode of The Story lesson advice podcast part of Saturday is Saturday media. Thank you very much for listening. This week, we are gonna get right into it. You just heard me say that I had to be onstage in front of 1000 people. And I had to dance to big papa dressed as Mr. Potatohead. If you think back to what that could be for someone like yourself, what does that bring up, and for me, it brings up college. So the story goes like this, when I was a freshman in college 1999 Yes, that's a long time ago. Now. I was interested in the idea of joining a fraternity. And I wasn't like hardcore about it. My parents were not in fraternities or sororities or anything. But it was a something that was potentially appealing to me, it was a smaller school that I went to about at the time 2500 students, and I thought it might be a neat way to kind of get involved get to know people, because it was a new experience for me, and I am an only child. So it was like, Hey, I'm gonna have a roommate, meet some friends, maybe join a fraternity, meet some friends and kind of get the college experience going. So like a lot of people do, whatever the fall is, I think it's called rush or something like that, and you kind of you know, hang out with different fraternities and get a feel for, hey, is this group kind of the one I like, or this group. So over the course of like a week or two, I had spent time at, you know, kind of open houses of these different fraternities, five or six of them on campus. And I kind of narrowed it down to one that I thought would be probably the best fit. But the entire time that I was going through this, I was like, you know, these, everybody seems nice or whatever, but it just really wasn't for me. So the one I decided on was kind of like the least worst choice, which is never a good way to make a decision. But I was like, Okay, I'll give these guys a try. So there was kind of like an extended period where you could spend time with them and kind of do some things. And I remember one of the first things that we had to do to kind of begin this formalized rush process, and it wasn't pledging yet it was somewhere in the middle, we were in a room, or like in a lobby, outside of a classroom and in one of our campus buildings. And one of the existing members of the fraternity, there was a couple of us and He gave each of us an article and said that we have to memorize it in the next five or seven minutes. And then we have to come in and recite it. And I was like, Okay, this is weird, you know, like, alright, it's just some hazing thing, or whatever. But okay, and it was just like a regular article in the newspaper about something. So I remember like, you know, sitting there at 18 years old, and I'm like reading this, and I'm like, Oh, my God, I gotta memorize this, you know, just being oblivious to the reality of the world. And then I went in the room, and the guys that were in there that were members of the fraternity, were just asking me questions about myself and growing up and why I wanted to be in the fraternity, and never once was the article even brought up or whatever, it was just like a thing to keep keep us occupied. And I remember leaving there thinking like, number one, I was dumb to think that it would be anything other than that. And number two, like, what, like, what is that? What a waste of time? Like, if you're having me Wait, wouldn't it be better to maybe have like information about your fraternity, so I could read on like your history, or the existing members or something like that. But no, instead, I was sitting there memorizing some stupid article. So fast forward to a week or two or whatever, then me and like two other guys end up in this field in Green Bay, Wisconsin, like in October, November, it was cold there. And we had to figure out a way to get back. Now this was 1999. So no Uber, and I was in Green Bay. So taxis were few and far between. Cell phones were minimal. And we ended up spending like half the night trying to get back and we finally was able to get somewhere to get a cab or whatever. And there was no purpose to that it was supposed to be a team building activity or whatever. But we were without jackets and just cold. And then there was a third event. And I was already kind of skeptical on this one. You know, it was closer to the standard upside down and chug 100 beers and five minutes to prove your loyalty or whatever. And I was like, Okay, I'm out. So a couple of weeks later, somehow me and a few other guys that got to know each other ended up stumbling upon a room and kind of we're all hanging out together. And one of the guys had an idea about starting our own fraternity. And he was sort of the mastermind behind this and really, really smart about all of it. And long story short, me and five or six other guys started our own fraternity because we had all felt the same way. We went through this rush and kind of this dating peer With all these different fraternities, and all of us kind of walked away with the same experience and the idea of like, hey, we like the concept of a group of guys, you know, being together, doing volunteer stuff, doing things on campus, being involved in the community. But we weren't a big fan of the hazing. We weren't a big fan of the excessive drinking and all that. So we ended up starting our own fraternity. And we got laughed out of the room by every single fraternity and sorority that was on campus. And we got just berated, made fun of put down, we put up posters to like, ask people, if they wanted to come to one of our meetings, and other people would take them down. And just like that, really, to me, showed me that we made the right decision, because we were all going to potentially join one of those other fraternities. And the way that they dealt with competition, or somebody saying no thank you to them, was to try to damage those people if they tried to build the wrong thing. So that was a good eye opening experience. But we ended up starting our own fraternity. And we were within one year, the fastest growing fraternity. I believe in the entire Midwest, certainly on our campus. We went from like zero to 30 members, we tried to keep it somewhat small. And we went from $0 to being the most well funded group in the entire campus because we landed the concession stand gig at Lambeau Field for the Green Bay Packers. So we had eight home games plus playoffs, where we were working concession stands, and then we were getting several $1,000 A game as a group. And then we would use that money to build out our fraternity and build events on campus. And again, our focus was really more on community involvement and volunteering and doing stuff on campus and not just having that money so we could throw razors or whatever. So it ended up working out pretty well. We ended up being like the number one fraternity on campus by the time I graduated for like every year that we were there, and the most members and the most money and the nicest house and the most community involvement and just everything. And that was a really fun experience to go through in college. And looking back at taught me a very valuable lesson. Alright, and now it's time for this week's sponsor I wish I had and this week is a really fun company. They have a great social media great website. And it's a product that I got as a gift at Christmas 2023. And I have worn probably 10 times already as of this recording, which is the beginning of February. And the company is called the perfect gene. And they're caught they're one of their catchphrases is f your khakis, which is great. And I'll read here their mission from the from their website and a little segment within a segment I like to call reading that says their mission. They're a conglomerate of mostly imperfect men and a couple of extra perfect ladies who set out on a mission to find reasonably priced stretch jeans that we could comfortably wear all day, every day. So that is to me the big thing they have a number of different styles and fits and colors in the stretch jeans and I was so happy to find this my wife Beth helped me and she kind of found these initially. And the problem that I've had is I basically shaped like a bowling ball with no ass. So that is my that is my body fit and I'm so glad that our daughter got my wife's body and not my body. But um basically a bowling ball with no ass so it's really hard for me to find a pair of jeans because I have short legs and I don't have a butt and I every pair of jeans I wear just looks like a pair gencos on me from the mid 90s So you know I refuse just to go out and spend $500 In some, you know, niche brand or whatever. So I found these perfect jeans, they're stretchy jeans and they have short lengths. The ones that I got were 28 engines, you know 510 I just have stubby legs. And got the waist is really nice. It's got a little elastic to it so as you're standing up or sitting down or moving, even if with a belt on you feel like it has a little bit of give and I have like a charcoal kind of black gray color which is really really cool. I've worn them several times I even wore them driving from Phoenix to Palm Springs California which is about a five hour drive. And they were as comfortable as having you know kind of athleisure wear on or whatever so I'm looking to get a second pair. They were sold out of the other ones that I wanted but I would highly recommend you check out the perfect Jeem dot NYC they are really really high quality stuff they were incredibly comfortably well. And that is this week's sponsor I wish I had
Alright, so we talked about the story of us, me and five or six Other guys starting a fraternity. And because we really didn't like any of the fraternities that we had on campus, not trying to talk badly about any of them, but they're more focused on partying and just kind of that whole scene and we wanted to do more than that we're fine with having some parties and everything. But we wanted to be more than just that. So we started our own fraternity, and got laughed out of the room every step of the way. Got all of our posters torn down, got bad rumors spread about us, tried to have roadblocks, roadblocks were put in front of us at every step of the way. And in one year, we went from non existent to the top fraternity in our college, and the most money and 30 members. And by the time I graduated, a couple years later, we have the most members in campus history, I think we were one of the top houses in the Midwest, really just all sorts of good stuff. So the reason that I told that story was because I initially started out like the idea of a fraternity. But as I went along, none of them really fit what I was looking for. And I was making the decision to join one that was sort of like the least worst one. And that's not a way to make a decision. And my takeaway, looking back on that, my lesson is that I was so close to sacrificing my principles, just to fit in with a group of people that I didn't even know. So like, I wasn't even sure that I liked these people. But I was enamored with the wanting to be accepted. And you know, I'm an only child coming from a small town in the Midwest, going to college, big scary college, even though it was a small college, I didn't really know anybody, I didn't have any friends. And to have that experience, and to be so close to making a decision that, you know, not necessarily would have been life changing, but I don't think it would have helped propel my life forward. But it was because I was so ready just to say yes to be accepted that I was willing to sacrifice my principles, things I knew, I didn't agree with behavior. I didn't like expectations, I wasn't okay meeting just to fit in. So the advice that I would, or the lesson that I that I learned was, was not to not to sacrifice your principles not to sacrifice my principles, just in order to be accepted, or just to get some version of a result that you want. And what we ended up doing was something way, way better instead. And I've had that experience in my life, so many times where I was so eager just to be accepted just to be like just to be part of the group just to go along with something that I was willing to compromise my principles, I was willing to sacrifice, things that I didn't agree with. But just because I wanted the positive feedback, the positive affirmation, the positivity loop of being accepted, being light. And I think that's something we probably can all relate to whether it's at work, or maybe with a pastor current relationship, or pastor current friends. And if you look around, and as you get older, you start to kind of prune the tree of your life, and you start to try to get rid of excess things and friends that don't, you know, don't really have any commonality with anymore, or people that don't, that don't move you forward or bring your life oper challenge you in a good way, or at work. You know, at some point, if you're able to kind of make a differentiation between, hey, I'm going to go do something else, or I'm going to you know, take this role or take that role, and you're trying to move yourself forward. And you finally kind of stand up for your own principles. So the valuable lesson I learned was, Do not be willing to sacrifice your principles, just to go along with something. And now it's time for this week's just the tip. And this week's just the tip is another cooking tip. And I'm going to tell you why your sheet pan meals suck. And it's pretty simple when you think about it. One of the things that drives me nuts, and not in a snobby Sheffy way, but just in a practical way. I've seen over the last several years, all these IG and social videos have people cooking and making sheet pan meals. And the whole concept behind it is you throw everything on one pan, you toss it in the oven, and in 2030 minutes it's done and you have minimal cleanup and minimal effort. I'm totally all about that. When you cook in the kitchen, professionally, that is one of the places you need to get to mentally is being optimized and being efficient with everything and even down to literally were picking your knife up once and putting it down once instead of picking it up four or five times because you're not prepared with how the layout of your little your little station is. So those are things that really run through your mind when you're working is am I working absolutely as efficiently as possible to maximize Every second because you typically need every second. But with the sheet pan meals, what you see is everybody does a couple of things, I'm going to talk to you about a better way to do a sheephead meal. And I'm going to make a video on this in a couple of months of sheet pan meals and show you how to do it maybe a little bit better. So the first thing you see is you see everybody dump all their food onto the sheet pan. And then they take oil and drizzle oil everywhere. And then they take their salt or pepper or seasonings or whatever, and sprinkle it around. And then they take their hands and they mix everything together. Okay, so that is the wrong way to season your food to begin with, because there's no way that you're getting that you're getting even coating, and even coverage on everything. So the better way to do that is to put everything in a bowl, hit it with oil, toss everything around and make sure all the food is coated in oil, then add your salts and seasonings and repeat toss everything around. So you get even coating, then dump it on the sheet pan. But the biggest problem with my sheephead meals that I have is you're talking about, here's chicken thighs, here's sweet potatoes, here's red onions, here's bell peppers. Well guess what all of those things take different amounts of time to cook and are best cooked at different temperatures. So when you have chicken thighs, for example, those are going to take 20 to 30 minutes in a 350 or 400 degree oven if you're roasting them to cook them all the way through bell peppers. If you have sliced bell peppers, for example, and you put those in an oven for 30 minutes, they're going to turn to mush. So sweet potatoes might even take a little bit longer depending on how you cook them. So my recommendation would be, hey, use your sheet pan meal philosophy requires one extra section of steps, which is cook in sections. So if you have chicken, and then sweet potatoes, and then bell peppers, and then whatever else, onion them, throw your chicken in first, or your chicken and your sweet potatoes in at the same time. And then halfway through cooking tip pull the pan out, put your next vegetable down, put it back in, pull your pan out, put your last one in. Good. So you're still only using the same amount of dishes and bowls. But your cooking is in stages and sections and you're ensuring that each food is cooked to the appropriate level of doneness. So that is this week's just the tip.
So we talked about the story of me and a couple other guys starting a fraternity because we ultimately didn't like what we were, what we were seeing and what our options were. And I was about to make a decision based on the least worst choice, which is never a good thing to do. The lesson that I learned from that was, don't be so quick to compromise on your principles, don't compromise them on at all. But don't be in such a rush just to be accepted and be willing to compromise what you believe is right just to go along with something, the advice that I would go back and give myself and the advice that I have given myself since in a variety of situations, and that I would hopefully pass on to my daughter is if you don't like the situation that you're in, create a new one. Now, that's easier said than done. And I'm not talking about people that are maybe dealing with health issues or are dealing with some trauma or some serious hardships, I'm not talking about anything that I'm talking about, you're in a situation at work or you're in a situation like I was with the fraternity or whatever. If you don't like the situation that you're in, you typically have the ability to make small or big changes, but even small changes, to start creating a new situation. And what we did with our fraternity was we looked around and said, Okay, we like the idea of a fraternity, but none of this is what we want. So you don't we're gonna do, we're gonna create our own. And that's exactly what we did. And if you believe in yourself, and you're willing to put in the time and the effort, you will be surprised at the results. I've done this at work as well, where I work now I sell commercial food equipment, and some of the different customer segment types kind of overlap and interact with each other. And some of them can have a lot of influence on the other customer segment types. And it can make my job very difficult. So if you just kind of play through the normal traditional channels, you're kind of you know, it's kind of up to the whim of those people that you're interacting with whether or not they respond well to you or whether or not they're in the mood to let you play in the sandbox. Versus just go build another sandbox and start inviting the people that you want over there. As far as your fitness goes, I've spent the majority of my life overweight and frustrated and unhappy about that. And guess what, I have the ability to change it. No one is shoving pizza down my piehole and I have the ability to change it. So there comes a time when I think people you've seen quotes on social that talk about you finally make a change when when the pain is greater than what you're willing to accept or something to that effect or whatever. So once you are faced with that choice and that obstacle and you need to make a decision Number one, don't be willing to compromise eyes on your principles. And that's probably going to lead you to look around and say, You know what, I think I'm just going to create my own situation, or I'm going to do something different and go my own way. And we'll see where that takes me. And I think if we are willing to put ourselves out there in that way, again, it can somewhat of a controlled situation where you're not, you know, blowing through your financial savings or putting your family at risk. But if you're able to make a change like that, or be willing to make the change, then I think as soon as you get on the other side of that discomfort, you will see a whole new world open up.
Okay, and now it's time for this week's whisper bet. At this week, whisper M, is an Instagram account that I follow. And the guy's name is Rob dance. And he is an entrepreneur. And he has started a major tech company. And it's grown that from nothing into a giant, and he has pet all over the news. And he posts daily business, advice and motivation. And he says fighting in your corner, and making business simple. Follow me for daily business advice. And he seems to have a really good perspective on understanding how to grow your business, how to build a good culture and a good team. He has really good positive advice. He's very willing to talk to you in a real sense about what you need to do to be successful, and things that might be holding you back. And also talks a lot about building stalking good to yourself talking to yourself in a positive way. Instead of saying, I can't do this, I'm gonna fail, saying what what can I do? And what can I learn from my failures? So it is a very fun account to follow. He seems like a really good dude. It's awesome that he's built a huge business so his name is Rob, dance ROP. Dance like you're dancing on Instagram. Give him a follow that is this week's whisper
Okey dokey karaoke. As we wrap up here. This week on the story lesson advice podcast. Thank you for listening. We will have I will have new episodes coming out every week for this as well as twice a month for the I hate reading podcast. In March, I will be releasing unbox and product review videos. And in April I will be releasing cooking videos. So all of that on YouTube, podcast and audio and video both of them. So as I said, to wrap up the story of starting the fraternity, the lesson of not being willing to just forego your principles and just go go with it because you want to be accepted. The advice that I would give is, if you don't like the situation that you're in, create a new one. I understand that that's easier said than done. And again, not talking about people that are dealing with major issues or major trauma, we're talking about day to day stuff. If you don't like the situation you're in, there's probably a way out, there's probably something you can do, realistically a tangible step that you can make even a small one that can help move forward in the right direction. The sponsor I wish I had this week was the perfect gene fer khakis is one of their tag lines. They are stretched jeans that are super comfortable. I have had a pair for a couple of months now really liked them. I've worn them a whole bunch and I'm going to be getting a second pair as soon as the ones I want come back in stock. So check them out the perfect gene dot NYC. The just the tip segment was all about how to make your sheet pan meals not suck so much. And it basically involves cooking that food in different stages to make sure that nothing is undercooked or overcooked. And this week's whisper in is Rob dance. An entrepreneur in the UK that I follow on Instagram. He has built a massive tech business and seems like a really great follow lots of cool culture and daily business advice and tips. And he's got really cool formats on how he interacts with people on social media. He has people sending voice memos or videos and he responds to them and does some really creative stuff. So if you're in business, if you like the idea of kind of business tips and tricks and motivation and that kind of stuff. That's a really cool follow up. So thank you very much for listening. I will see you next week on another episode of The Story lesson advice podcast part of Saturday is Saturday media. Thanks