Happy Birthday to Me: Best Advice of Season 2 (so far)

In this special episode (I day after my birthday), I briefly discuss some of the best advice from Season Two. 

From standing up for yourself to not getting caught in the loop of self-sabotage to realizing how overrated 'loyalty' is to living at the intersection of cost and value, I provide some (hopefully thoughtful) life advice that anyone can use. 

See you next week with a traditional episode. 

Check out this related video: https://youtu.be/QtyASmEZ2F4?si=w_yRSENYi3L5-Ljw 

Check out the Story. Lesson. Advice. Podcast here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/919333/14216914 

Have a topic suggestion for the show? Email me at saturdayisdadurday@gmail.com 

Music by Purple-planet.com Music by Wondershare Filmora 12 

Connect on IG: @saturdayisdadurdaymedia

Transcript

Hello everyone, and welcome into a special episode of The Story lesson advice podcast part of Saturday is Saturday medium.
Yesterday, march 11, it was my birthday turn 43. So
what I see a lot of people do with podcasts is they say 40 pieces of advice for 40, turning 40 Or whenever no one wants to listen to me give 43 pieces of advice. So what I thought I would do is walk through some of my previous episodes this season. And just touch very briefly on kind of the main advice points that I thought resonated with me and might be uber helpful, especially in a short bite, where you might not have to go back and listen to the full episode if you don't want. So we will get right into it. Like I said, we are not going to go through 43 pieces of advice. These are just a couple of things that I thought were valuable and worth resharing. The very first episode of this season, I talked about the flight fiasco that we had with our family a couple of years ago, leaving Florida to go back to Texas. And long story short, we ended up getting stuck in Florida for a full extra week after our vacation was over with Southwest Airlines. And I had to spend the next four months continuing to follow up and not take no for an answer and advocate for our family and for myself, until we finally got fair compensation. So the whole kind of theme of that episode was about standing up for yourself about being your own advocate. And that also kind of echoed with me, with my father years ago, he passed away from cancer, but when he was sick, my mom and dad, but my mom especially told me that they had to kind of fight in the hospital at different times and kind of advocate for my dad as far as like, no, he's, you know, he's not responding to this medication, or he's not getting this help or whatever the case is. And in all the instances that they had to do that they were ended up being right. So I can't stress the importance, enough importance that as parents that we instill that in our kids and as adults that we live that out on a daily basis doesn't mean we got a pound our fist and yell and scream, but we need to stand up for ourselves. And we need to be the advocates for ourselves and our family. Another episode was titled The art of Self Sabotage. And I am still after this was released in October, I am still kind of stuck in this loop, I cannot seem to break free, I feel like I'm so close to just getting over this loop of self sabotage and negative self talk and negative behavior. And that reinforces the negative self talk. And then you run to more negative behavior. And it's just this loop.
But one of the things that I did talk about one of the pieces of advice was about you give meaning to things in your life by what you do with them. And what I continue to struggle with is I give meaning to meaningless things. And when that happens, you end up living at a lower level of frequency because that's where all your energy is put into. So the advice that I would give is spend time and give meaning to things that actually matter. Your family, your friends, your hobbies, whatever it is for you. And don't get sucked down and pulled down into the quicksand of vices or temporary feel good. And again, I am not I am not judging here. I am not. I am dealing with this on daily basis myself. But I thought I think that that resonates with me today. Perspective is another good piece of advice. One of the episodes I talked about how we built a pool at a house in Texas and what you know how lucky and blessed and fortunate we were to have that experience. Absolutely, totally get it and have a pool in our backyard and everything amazing, so many people don't get the opportunity. So, but we literally went to hell. And back in order to get that done and everything that could have gone wrong did the people that we had working on the pool were just terrible, the people managing the project were terrible. And it was such a big deal. And it was so frustrating. And I got so worked up so frequently about that, that it was pretty, pretty obvious that I was just completely, you know, beside myself and just not in a good in a good place where I could have the proper perspective. And at the end of the day, it's just a pool at the end of the day. It's just the thing, whatever it is, and it's important to you and doesn't mean it's not important but at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. And after that I've kind of really shifted my perspective on a lot of things. We moved into a house when we had to move our family from Texas to Arizona and it's a beautiful home and things happen stuff breaks stuff the floor gets scratched this happens and I'm just like yeah, whatever you know, we'll fix it doesn't mean I don't care but like not gonna lose sleep over it. It's just It's just a scratch it's just a whatever like well, we'll deal with it. One that I one episode I really thought was interesting. I really had fun recording the episode was talking about should you follow your passion. And I used to work in transportation logistics and I stopped doing that and
I went to culinary school and then I cooked professionally for years, because that's what I wanted to do. That's what I was, quote unquote passionate about. And looking back, and now I work in an adjacent industry, I work selling food service equipment. So I sell the ovens and the, in the refrigerators and the knives and the cutting boards, to the restaurants and the schools and the hotels and all that. So it's still cool. I'm still involved and connected and all that. But my takeaway, my big piece of advice from that, as far as should you follow your passion is, before you follow your passion, pump the brakes on that and think about what are the characteristics of your passion? What are those things that you really like about it, and for me, with the culinary side, it was I really liked the creativity, I really liked the collaboration, I really liked being able to kind of provide good food for people because so many of my wonderful memories as a, as a kid and with family and stuff was you know, celebrating birthdays, or whatever with, with pizza around the holidays, you know, big dinners, with families, all that kind of stuff. So what I ended up thinking was okay, instead of me just jumping into culinary, and cooking professionally, was there somewhere else that I could have gone that could have better utilize more of my skills, but still leaned into the things that I really liked about cooking, which I was passionate about. So that's what I would encourage everybody else to do is, if you're passionate, not saying don't go for it, but I'm saying it is it is typically a much more difficult, laborious, long,
nonfinancial rewarding process. So, as you go through that, I would consider your options and consider Can I do something that that incorporates some of those things that I like, but doesn't necessarily force me into a lifestyle or a compensation structure that isn't sustainable, long term for me, your family or whatever. So good, good things to think about. Oh, boy, more back to the mistake of living for the approval of others. This one was a doozy. It was difficult to record because it was talking about an ex girlfriend, that part isn't difficult. But
the the fast one she pulled on me lying to me about being pregnant, and then killing my car and doing a bunch of other stuff and how I was so wrapped up in in her in that scenario and all of that because it really came down to I was just seeking approval from others, I wanted the pretty girl to pay attention to me. And that's where I got my validation. And boy, I learned a valuable lesson with that. I'm still the kind of person I think that looks looks outwardly for praise looks outwardly for, you know, compliments or, or applause or hey, you're doing a good job, or hey, we really value you or Hey, you look really nice today or whatever. I think that stuff still means a little too much to me. But I've gotten a lot better. And I would encourage myself, my daughter and anybody listening, that do everything in your power to stop living for the approval of others, the only thing that matters, at the end of the day, it has to start with Are you happy with yourself? Do you approve of yourself, and if not, then give yourself the grace to work through what you need to work through. But if you're constantly seeking external validation, you're never going to get what you want. And you're never going to win. Lightening it up a little bit. One of the episodes that I talked about was the intersection of cost and value. And it's pretty self explanatory. But the the advice that I give is really where you want to be is sort of that that intersection right there when it comes to whatever and take a car for example is one of the things that I use in the episode was if you're looking for a car and there's a $40,000 SUV and a $90,000 SUV, are you getting $50,000 more value out of that more expensive SUV? Probably not. If you if you're getting good safety ratings and good gas mileage and good features and everything out of the less expensive SUV, then spending an extra 50 grand for a status symbol, or because the seats are made out of you know Canary leather or whatever the hell are you really investing that money the way that you should be? So that was basically the gist of the episode and another example I gave was about bourbon. I love bourbon. And there's a lot of expensive bourbon out there but there's so much bourbon that is just really really good. That is under $40 A bottle under $30 A bottle. So can you spend most of your time if you're going to consume bourbon Can you live in that intersection of cost and value of let me find a really good bottle of bourbon for $32 for $27. And let me enjoy that because I don't think I'm getting $90 more value by getting a bottle that's over $100
Something else I talked about was living with your expectations and the harm that it can do in a funny story. That was our engagement.
And we I proposed on top to my wife on top of the Ferris wheel in Chicago. And then we promptly went and celebrated at the closest restaurant that was open, bubblegum shrink. And we were greeted by a pregnant smoking bartender, who could have given to shifts whether or not we were engaged or not, or if we were on fire or not so, but the idea of expectations of having things built up in your head that are you think are so important, or you want to go a certain way. And you put so much emphasis on that you play it out so much in your head, that you that it just doesn't live up to it, and you get frustrated, and you build resentments. And this can play out even in day to day with, with your spouse, with your friends.
My wife, and I talk about this all the time where, you know, we might not say something to each other. But we're walking around thinking, well, this person should be doing this, or this person should have done that, or should have said that. And it's like, well, if we're not communicating to each other, how are we supposed to know so removing the expectations, and just going into a situation, just enjoying it for the enjoyment of it. The last example I'll give on this is a movie related example or movies. related example is, a lot of times people, especially with these big blockbuster movies, like the Marvel movies, or the Star Wars movies, those kinds of things, people go into them with so high expectations, and they've got this version of the movie that's played out already in their head. And then the movie doesn't play out like that. And then they get upset, and they give the movie a bad review. And they say it was a bad movie. What was it a bad movie? Or did you just have the expectations, wrong expectations, huge expectations that no matter what the movie was not going to live up to. But I'll give you a give you the truth that a couple of the most recent Marvel movies have actually been pretty, pretty crappy. So good food for thought there. I also talked about the power of saying no. And I connected to Marvel, I've heard this, I heard this first from Elizabeth Olsen, who plays the Scarlet Witch in the Marvel movies. And I'm sure other people have said at first but she was in an interview talking about being a woman and being in Hollywood and kind of being asked to do you know more than you're comfortable with. And she said something really profound that no, the word no, is a complete sentence. And I think that is really profound and really, really good. And it's 100% True, is we have to be able to say no to situations to whatever. And my advice is, man, I say no to almost everything I can. And I don't mean hanging out with friends. But what ends up happening is somebody asked you at work for five minutes here, somebody says, Hey, can you just put this together? Can you just send this email? Can you just do that? Can you just do that? And before you know it, and then at work, and before you know it, your day is consumed, or your week is consumed because you're doing things for other people, because they're asking you to do it. And then you look, you translate that into a personal situation. And I understand the reality, you can't say no to going to you know, some kid's birthday party that your daughter's friends with. You can't say no to having a family over that, you know, for dinner that you need to those kinds of things. But where do you have the ability if it's not something that you enjoy? If it's not something that you truly feel a true sense of obligation to that you really need to do this? And the answer should be no and free up your time. So you can spend the time doing the things you want to do in business. Same thing saying no, delegate, your time is the most valuable thing in the world. And if you keep saying yes, you keep handing out time, think of time as dollar bills, you're standing on a corner handing out money to everybody, as opposed to holding that or investing that for yourself kind of related to
the ability to say no, is the concept of being good at one thing doesn't mean you're going to be good at another. And that was something I talked about in one of my previous episodes. For myself, I used to work in inside sales. And that meant at the company that I was at years ago, well, well, then you should just be promoted to the sales manager. I was like, well, well, those are completely different skill sets. Being an inside sales seller or an outside seller, versus being the sales manager, those are completely different jobs, completely different skill sets, completely different training all of that. So just because you're good at one thing doesn't mean you're automatically going to be good at the next thing. Now you should strive if you want to continue to grow and evolve into those other things get experienced with that. But just understanding that just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you're going to be good at something that is related or adjacent to it. Kind of keeping in line with that loyalty. I talked about this. I think loyalty is incredibly overrated. On the flip side, if you're a large company or even a small company, and you need to let someone go or you need to make a change that's going to negatively impact someone. The standard line that you hear of your head is not personal. It's just business. We have to do this for the health of the company, right? So I say that same logic needs to apply to us as individuals. Hey,
It's not personal, I have to move on, I have to do this for the health of me and my family. And when you phrase it that way, man, dude, sometimes companies get upset or, or coworkers or organizations or whatever, but the bottom line is, outside of your immediate family, you don't owe anybody anything. And the only person that you need to be responsible to is yourself, and then ultimately, your immediate family, but you need to do what's best for you. And having a sense of loyalty out of guilt or obligation is something that potentially can hold you back from making really, really good decisions that can greatly positively impact your life. Talked about as a parent, you are the toy. And I think that is very well said, I did not come up with that. But I did hear that and it makes total sense that when your kids want to spend time with you, and play with you, you're the toy you are who they want to play with all of the other stuff is just sort of, you know, lipstick on a pig, it's just window dressing. And a lot of that boils down to and goes back to a feeling of safety that you have created for your kids. And that is so, so important. And so critical to be aware of his parents, and even if you don't have kids with with your spouse, or your friends, or even your co workers, being able to have the emotional maturity, and the emotional bandwidth, to create an environment around yourself in orbit around yourself, that allows people to feel comfortable enough to be able to express themselves to you. However, however they need to, and where you kind of see the walls come up a lot of times is you know, without kids is going to be at work right? The boss at the top is typically unavailable and unapproachable and all of that. So if you think about, if you're walking around, as that type of a person, if you're giving off that type of energy,
to you know, your spouse, your friends, your kids, whatever, you're you're making it very difficult for people to come into your orbit to come into your space, and be able to talk with you feel safe with you. And that was really kind of the ultimate just to the episode. So just we need to be aware that we have a lot of power for that. And we need to use that power responsibly. Most recent episode last week I talked about don't let anybody take away your happiness. And this came back to high school basketball for me, just like Uncle Rico could throw a football over those mountains if the coach would let me play, right. So I had a shitty high school basketball experience. And it really kind of boiled down to, I didn't play football, I was a big kid at the time. And the football coach of the high school was also one of the basketball coaches. And it was a very small town and very varsity blues, where the coach kind of ran the town around the school and everything. So he told me flat out if you don't play football, then you're not playing basketball. So I sat on the bench basically, for four years, I was never a great player, but I was good enough to play a little bit. And I was so frustrated and so resentful of the whole experience by the end of it, that I didn't even care anymore. Like I wouldn't try it out and made my college team for a year and a half and played. But I didn't even really want to be there, I was just doing it to prove to everybody that I could, and just to just to stick it back to someone. And that's that's just such an unhealthy way to live your life, you know, if you're doing things out of spite to other people, if that's the way that you live, and that's the way that I did live and have intermittently and other times and it's just, it's just unhealthy. It's not good. But at the end of the day, I felt that that the the joy, the innocence, the happiness of me playing basketball was was stolen from me. And in part it was because I was a kid. And in part that's that kind of stuff is going to happen. And you cannot let bullies and people like that take away your joy and your happiness for for what that what that is and what it often boils down to is when you have a pure and an innocent and an honest attachment to something like basketball or, or you know, exercise or cooking or something like that, if there's people that that you bump into that are bullies, they they they can't be around that sort of positive vibe, if you will, that's probably not the right word, but it bothers them to be around that type of energy, that type of light, that type of natural goodness. And those people that kind of have that dark streak in them they just the way that they deal with that is to try to be a bully and knock it down. So as we grow older as we have kids to be able to recognize that and to help our kids get through that and us as adults be able to stand up calmly and patiently and and just not let people do that. And that is that is a great test of our our wills and our maturity. So that's basically it. I will tell you one quick embarrassing story when I was 14 years old, my pet
Aaron and I were in Disney World and it was around my birthday. And we ate in a big buffet at one of the hotels. And I had to go to the bathroom was so incredibly bad, badly after dinner, and I ran into the bathroom on the way in wasn't even paying attention flew into the bathroom brand into the stall. All the business happened in the world. And as I'm sitting there, I hear women talking and women walking in and out of the bathroom and realized I'm in the women's bathroom. At 14 years old and I cleaned up ran wash my hands ran out of there as fast as I could. And as I did, I knocked over some poor woman who was walking and some like 60 year old woman just knocked her clean out. Like like at the NFL Combine. So I had to help her up. She looked at me like what are you doing coming out of the woman's bathroom? And I was mortified as I walked back to the table and just completely read faces. I had to tell my parents what happened and they got a good laugh out of it. So there's my embarrassing birthday story. Thank you very much for listening to this shortened kind of unique episode of The Story lesson advice podcast. be back next week with a regular episode. Coming soon. I hate reading video podcasts Unboxing Review product review videos and cooking videos coming as well all before the summertime. Thanks for listening and supporting Have a great day.