Trust me...It's Not About the Nail

In this week's episode, I discuss the story of the nail in the head. And, my own version of that story with my wife.

For the lesson, it boils down to realizing it is not about us and our ability to solve a problem. 

The advice: simple...seek first to understand rather than to be understood. 

Sponsor I Wish I Had:
Canva.com

Just the Tip:
Using a gram scale for measuring food.

Whisper In:
@Olivia.adriance on IG

Check out this related video:   
https://youtu.be/nb-mEnRXpmM?si=P9bKg5Lbe8Wnbv29

Check out the Story. Lesson. Advice. Podcast here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/919333/142... 

Have a topic suggestion for the show? Email me at saturdayisdadurday@gmail.com 

Music by Purple-planet.com Music by Wondershare Filmora 12 

Transcript

Got a question for you? Have you ever seen the nail in the head skit?
Hello, everyone, welcome into another episode of The Story lesson advice podcast part of Saturday is Saturday medium at Saturday is Saturday media is the YouTube and Instagram handle s i d media dotnet is the website. Thank you very much for listening. I am going to get right into this. I asked Have you ever seen the nail in the head skit. And if you have, you know where I'm going with this, and if you haven't, it is a hilarious skit that I will post to my Instagram stories. So you can see. And I'll link the link in the YouTube video I think if the if it's still out there on in the podcast notes here for this. But basically it is a woman that is telling her husband that her head is just a splitting headache. And every time that she tries to put on a sweater, she ruins her sweater. And every time she tries to bend forward or walk close to a wall, she hits her head or all those kinds of things. And basically, the camera pans out and you see guess what, she has a nail in her head. And the husband the whole time is trying to say well, if you just look at you have a nail in your head, she keeps interrupting and says stop, I don't want you to solve my problem. I just need you to listen, stop trying to fix everything. And I think that is just a hilarious juxtaposition of what you deal with in marriage and relationships and everything. But it was more closely related to me, because my wife had a similar story, not with a nail in her head. But it taught me a reiterated a valuable lesson. And the story for my wife is Is she works in an office and we have a daughter who's five, and my wife wants to make sure that she can maximize the amount of time that she has with our daughter. And that's wonderful. So to make sure she can do that she gets up early in the morning to work out and good Anya, and kudos to you, Beth, and to anybody else out there that can work out early in the morning, I cannot do it. My body's just too creaky and cranky and old to work out at five in the morning, I can I need to be up, I need to relax a little bit get loose before I do that. So my wife works out in the morning. And she's talking about how she just kind of sometimes it's frustrating because she feels like she doesn't have a lot of time. And she's always rushing and, and all of that. And every all of that is true. And in the past, when we've talked about that, I have tried to point out that she has a nail on her head. And I've had to point it out to try to say like, Well, hey, what if you worked out this day instead of that day? Or what if you worked out at night instead of in the morning or whatever. And that led to some frustrating conversation on her end, because she wasn't looking for me to solve her problem. And as you kind of zoom out from that, like, yes, obviously, my wife is a smart woman, she's probably considered these different things. And she is working out when she's working out. Because she's arrived at that being kind of the the least worst option in order for her to do everything that she needs to do and maximize the time with her daughter and with me. So that to me is an interesting story. Because when I hear my wife talking about that, my brain is going into help mode and not because I don't think she's capable or not because I want to be a hero, but because, hey, there's someone there that I care about. So I'm trying to do what I can to be helpful. And that story taught me another valuable lesson. Alright, and this week's sponsor I wish I have is a software product that I have been using for probably five years now. I started using it at work, I was given a login. And now I bought my own subscription. And I've been using it on my own as well for about a year. And the website is called Canva. And you've probably seen this come across your feet on social media or whatever. It's a website that a lot of creators and businesses use for content creation and for making Instagram posts and all of that kind of stuff. But I want to share with you why I think it's valuable. Even though you might not be someone who's doing podcasts or YouTube videos or Instagram posts or whatever. And as a company, I work for a small company, and we use Canva because we're able to do things like make flyers and posters with it, which is really cool. And I've used that personally outside of work to do do things like get family photos printed on Canvas, or make a really cool Mother's Day card or a Valentine's Day card or a birthday card, make custom T shirts, you can make custom coffee mugs, business cards, all those kinds of things. So I would consider taking a look at Canva canva.com is the website they have different payment plans annually gives you different access to different features, but they just have just an endless amount of of templates and ideas for you to do anything from making for resumes, for PowerPoints for flyers for I mean, anything you could possibly think of. So if you have a family and or even if you don't, if you're involved in things, you know, if you've got kids in sports, if you're doing bake sales, if you've gone to birthday parties, if you're a small business, and you're looking for, you know good ways to show information and share information, I really, really think it's a cool thing. It's really billed as like a content creators website. But it's so much more than that. So I highly recommend you checking it out canva.com, it has been one of the best investments I've ever made. And I use it all the time for the stuff I'm doing here with Sid media. But then also I've used it a million times for family things and for work things as well. So check it out. canva.com This week's sponsor I wish I had.
Alright, so I told you the story, the funny skit, about the nail on the head, and then my real life example of that of my wife getting up early to work out and kind of feeling frustrated about her lack of time. And then me trying to swoop in with my cape, that I that I stepped on by accident and trying to talk to her about, well, what if you worked out this day instead of that day? Or what if you did this instead of that. And really, it wasn't about me trying to solve the problem. And I think as guys, I can't speak for all guys, I can speak for myself, but I think guys have a tendency to, to look to solve a problem. That is, that is one of the ways that I feel to try to be helpful. That is one of the ways I try to show that I care. And maybe it's ego for guys, maybe it's ego for me, but I really do think there is a switch of saying, okay, hey, um, you know, okay, I hear a problem, let me try to help fix it, let me help try to find a solution, let me try to help make it better. And that does come from a place for me of love and of caring and support and of wanting to take away a bad experience or take away pain or whatever that is. But I think we're I've missed the boat multiple times. And I think a lot of other guys done the same thing is, it's not about us with that, when there's a problem that comes up or when our spouses are talking to us about something when my wife is talking to me about something. It's not because she needs me to solve it. So we need to, and I need to adjust what I am presenting as and what mode I am going into. And I think the easiest way to do that, for me, is once I hear something like this playing out, is to ask my wife like, Hey, you're telling me this? Do you just want me to listen here? Or do you want me to be with you and trying to solve a problem? Is this something that you're trying to fix that you need help with? Or are you just kind of venting? Or do you just need kind of a you know, a more an emotional support husband, right now in this situation? And that flat out asking that question I think can go a really long way because it allows me and my allow other people to kind of determine, Okay, where where I need to go? Do I throttle up throttle down? How do I need to handle this situation? And a great example of that is what my wife was talking about months prior about, you know, kind of feeling frustrated about working out. So she obviously could do the math on Well, what if I worked out this day instead of that day, or whatever the case was, which was my solution is, hey, if you feel like you're running out of time, and you're working out Monday through Friday, well, why don't you work out Saturday and Sunday is two of your days. Now you only have three days to work out. And in my head. I'm thinking like, hey, that makes sense, right? I'm helping you free up two days out of the week that you can sleep in or spend more time with our daughter and me or whatever. But what it's coming across as I'm throwing her a fastball, really a knuckleball of let me solve your problem by mansplaining. And being you know, having the solution. Obviously, she's already thought of that. Obviously, she's done the math on that because she's a smart person. So even though I was trying to help, but lesson is, what does my wife need in that moment? And a good way to do that is I think is just to ask and I've watched a lot of videos and I've read a lot of articles and I've seen a lot of posts about all sorts of different information and there's You know, hey, if you ask your wife that then you know you're just adding more to her mental load. Or if you aren't, are not asking your wife that then you're not communicating. So I don't know, I'm not an expert on any of this. But to me, it helps just ask my wife is a direct person. So I'm going to be direct with you. Do you want me just to listen here? Are you just venting? Or do you need me to jump in and help be part of the solution, not solve your problem, but help be part of a solution of finding a solution. I think going in with that attitude of wanting to understand what is needed from me first, can go a lot farther. Oh, all right. Now it's time for this week's just the tip. In this week's just the tip is another food tip. And I'm talking about measuring out food ingredients. And I always recommend whenever possible, using a gram scale to measure up food. Now I'm talking about your wheat gram scale talking about an actual food gram scale, you can get these at Target at Walmart at William Sonoma, Amazon. If you live near a restaurant supply store, you can definitely get them there. If you've never been to a restaurant supply store. It's pretty cool. If you like food if you like cooking, that's where all the commercial foodservice places shop all the restaurant shop as they go in and buy stuff there. It's open to the public. So they're all there all over the country, different different brands, different names. But I highly recommend if you haven't been in one, go check it out. If you'd like food, there's it's really cool stuff. And you can see what what the pros use, as they say, but back to back to the just the tip, I would recommend using a gram scale and measuring out all of your food or ingredients by gram whenever possible. And the reason for that is because let's say your a recipe calls for one cup flour. Alright, great. Well, one cup flour is somebody scoops it and there's a huge heap of the scoop. And that's one cup, another person scoops it, and they run their finger across it. And that's one cup, another person scoops it, and there's big air pockets in there. So it's looks like it's a cup of flour, but it's really not. Now for most home recipes, it's not the end of the world. But if you're trying to dial in a recipe, or you're working with something that's a little more finicky all the sourdough bread recipes out there or anything like that, it's really essential that you measure food and ingredients out in grams, even liquids. And the reason why is the variants that I just talked about, that can drastically throw off a recipe. And when I used to cook in kitchens, I remember some of the restaurants I worked at, we would just use a scale and measure by ounces or whatever kind of eyeball it. And then I went to work at a really good restaurant where we measured everything by grams. And it's like boy, you can see the difference and the precision of the recipes. And you could see the difference in the consistency day in and day out at the recipes. So you see everybody online and they're making stuff. It's like man making that day in day out, you really need to be dialed in on on the ingredients, you really need to be dialed in on the technique and all of that. So having a scale that measures and grams that allows you to measure pretty, pretty precise is a great way to start. So that is my tip. Again, you can buy it anywhere, but I highly recommend getting a gram scale. And that is this week's just the tip. Alright, so I talked to you about the story of the nail in the head and me trying to solve my wife's workout schedule problem. The lesson that I would go back and give myself and that I'm hopefully can share with other people is that just because we think that we are able to solve a problem that might not be what the other person is looking for. And asking them hey, do you want to be just to listen to right now? Do you want some help? Is this a problem that you want help with? What do you need from me? And I understand that there's a potential debate of adding the mental load to that by ants asking the question, but I think that is a concession that the other person needs to be willing to make, Hey, I just need to vent for a minute or hey, I've got a problem. I need your help solving it. Okay, that's great. Now I know where what space to play in. And now I know what mode to be in. Now the advice I would give is kind of in line with that. And my good friend Hoyt always says, Seek first to understand rather than to be understood, How's that for an Instagram quote? Well, I can just see the light racking up, put some powerful music behind it. Right and then have somebody famous say it, man guaranteed. So seek first to understand rather than to be understood. And again, it goes back to the lesson of understanding what is needed of you. And as guys, we kind of want to rush in and save the day. I know that if if there's anything that I can do for my wife, or my mom or my daughter to help make their day easier or better or one little thing can be removed, then I'm going to try to do it. And that comes from a place of love and wanting to help and wanting to support. But it also might be overkill. It might be overconfident. sation and when there's conversations that are happening back and forth, the focus needs to be on what is needed from that person. In order to make the conversation be what would it should be for the person that's having the conversation. It's a really confusing way to say it. But I really need to focus on paying attention to what my wife needs, in that moment in that conversation in that situation, instead of trying to build those with what I think is going to be the answer to everything or the solution to everything is just pausing and taking a minute to listen to what is needed of me, and then respond in kind.
All right, and now it's time for this week's whisper in and this week's whispering is a phone account that I've been following on Instagram for several months. And I apologize in advance because I'm gonna butcher this woman's last name, or first name is Olivia. And her last name is at reacts ad RIA MC apologies if I butchered that. But the reason that Olivia is this week's whispering in her Instagram account is this week's was Brent is because she has an amazing account full of healthy protein focused recipes. And from her Instagram handle. It says effortless recipes for a full life. gluten free, dairy free, refined sugar free. She has a high protein cookbook ebook that is available. But that is full of awesome recipes. It's called protein empowered. And she has just excellent fun recipes. She does a really good job using ingredients that are beyond just the basic stuff. So I've enjoyed following her recipes. And it's been fun to see cool, cool ideas and cool videos and all that so I'll say your first name again. Olivia. And her Instagram account is at Olivia Oh l i V i A dot day as an APO D as in dog, R I A N C as in cat. That is an Instagram account. That is this week's whisperer.
All right, as we wrap up another episode of The Story lesson advice podcast, the story, the nail on the head skin, I'm telling you, if you haven't seen it, you gotta go watch it. I know I gave the spoilers there. But it's totally worth watching it. And my real live version of that is me trying to solve my wife's lack of time when it comes to working out thinking that, hey, if she just did this, instead of that her problems would be solved. Obviously, she's smart enough to figure it out. The lesson in this is to realize that it's not about me, trying to solve a problem. It's not about me coming to the rescue. It's about me being there for my wife or for my friends in whatever way that they need me to be there. And the advice that I would give is what my good friend Hoyt says, Seek first to understand rather than to be understood, and I think that goes hand in hand with the lesson. Don't try to rush in and solve the problem and lay it all out. Just listen and understand what you need to be able to do to provide back by listening. The sponsor I wish I had this week is Canva. It is an awesome website canva.com that is used by a lot of content creators, but it's also used by a ton of small businesses, the company I work for, we use it. And then I also use it personally for a lot of things like birthday cards and Valentine's Day cards. And we've done photos on canvas. I've done T shirts, I've done personal business cards, coffee mugs, all sorts of really cool stuff, notebooks, everything. So I highly recommend checking them out. It's worth the subscription for the year, there's a million templates, it's really user friendly and very easy to use. The just the tip segment was talking about anytime that you're measuring food or ingredients whenever possible, I recommend using a gram scale. If you don't have one, you can buy them basically anywhere. But the purpose of that is you're getting a much more accurate measurement. As opposed to just scooping one cup of flour, you're getting an actual measurement of how many grams of flour and if you're trying to dial in a recipe, or really focus on something like bread or whatever really is in your best interest to get a gram scale. And the whispering segment is a woman Her name is Olivia Adarand so I apologize again, if I butchered the last name. She has an Instagram account I've been following for several months, months and she focuses on healthy protein focused recipes. Really cool recipes almost daily. Really neat little videos and highly recommend checking out she has her own cookbook called protein empowered, and just an awesome account to follow. So that is this week's episode of The Story lesson advice podcast. We'll be back next time thank you for listening part of Saturday is data day media have a great day