Two mismatched friends: A dyslexic girl and a Hard of Hearing girl walk into a bar. Well not exactly... it was acting class but none less become little BFFs. In this episode, the script is getting flipped. Elisa Richards hosts and interviews Marley Freygang, aka the resident wannabe it girl. We dive into; what is a Saturn Retun, New Year’s Resolutions, Human design types, and how to function in this crazy world with more or less f*ck given.
This Episode's Guide:
Who is Elisa and Marley to each other [2:00]
Saturn returns [9:28]
New Year Resolutions / Being Consistent [16:20]
Affected by Media/ Addiction to Influence/ Gullible [22:35]
No yum yuckers / I am tired [26:40]
Human Design / Human Design Types [31:00]
How you make Decisions [41:00]
Learned from the podcast [44:00]
Elisa Richard's IG:
@elisa.richards
Elisa Richard's Tiktok:
@elisa.richards
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
@wannabeitgirlpodcast
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Two mismatched friends: A dyslexic girl and a Hard of Hearing girl walk into a bar. Well not exactly... it was acting class but none less become little BFFs. In this episode, the script is getting flipped. Elisa Richards hosts and interviews Marley Freygang, aka the resident wannabe it girl. We dive into; what is a Saturn Retun, New Year’s Resolutions, Human design types, and how to function in this crazy world with more or less f*ck given.
This Episode's Guide:
Who is Elisa and Marley to each other [2:00]
Saturn returns [9:28]
New Year Resolutions / Being Consistent [16:20]
Affected by Media/ Addiction to Influence/ Gullible [22:35]
No yum yuckers / I am tired [26:40]
Human Design / Human Design Types [31:00]
How you make Decisions [41:00]
Learned from the podcast [44:00]
Elisa Richard's IG:
@elisa.richards
Elisa Richard's Tiktok:
@elisa.richards
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
@wannabeitgirlpodcast
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Welcome back to Confessions of a Want to Be it Girl. Happy New Year, or peaceful New Year, as my psychiatrist says. You know we are starting this season this year off with back with our original OG programming, new episodes and in this episode I'm kind of getting the script flipped on me. I'm joined by one of my BFFs, alyssa, who is kind of interviewing me. In this podcast we talk about if I've already gone through my Saturday return, how shitty my Christmas was, and so many other things. We get into human design. You know what's up with the podcast, what I've learned, maybe what I haven't, just where I'm at. And you know it's a great way to kick off the new season of Confessions of a Want to Be it Girl. We're getting funny with it, we're getting personal development-y and I just think it's a great peek into setting up the new year and the new season.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Confessions of a Want to Be it Girl. I'm your host, marley Fragging, and I'm here to help you filter out all the bullshit and become the next thick girl. This podcast explores the reality of what it really takes to make it out there. As it turns out, it is way less Instagram-able than I thought it was going to be. I'm still very much a work in progress, but there's simply nothing else I'd rather be doing than chasing my dreams. So let's learn from my mistakes and work together to achieve our dreams with more confidence, clarity and direction. Let's get after it.
Speaker 2:What up bitches. Welcome to Confessions of a Want to Be it Girl. I am your host, alyssa, you don't know me and that's because we are flipping the narrative this week and I'm taking over Because, as Marley's proud BFF, I'm here to drag out all of her trauma. Okay. So welcome Marley, thank you. Thank you so much for having me on my own podcast. I know this is going to be fun. I feel like no, it is. I feel like this is a time for us to play and explore, just try out new things for the new year.
Speaker 1:I would like to say, just so everyone's aware, I'm not a narcissist. This was not my idea. Yeah it was fully mine, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Okay. So let's start off with describing each other without using our occupations or physical descriptions.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love this and I'm going to add I'm going to not try to say like as well, do you want to go first or you? No, you go first. Okay, alyssa is a bubbly, bright personality that is very warm and inviting. She has a delightful sense of humor, but right off the bat you might not catch the humor because she's it's masked by her adorable cuteness and she also looks way younger than she is, which is really annoying for me. Who is younger than Alyssa and looks older? What?
Speaker 2:were the other questions. Yeah, no, that's great. Okay, yeah, well, you know, and I really wanted to do this because I feel like people should get to know you, because you're always asking the questions, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think I give a little to the of myself.
Speaker 2:So I would describe Marley we were just talking about this as someone who looks like a black cat underneath, as a golden retriever. I do feel like you are deeply at your core, someone who values research, your little researcher yeah, I feel like you're very independent and concrete and knowing what you want to do. You know what I mean. I feel like you are very decisive, one of my more decisive friends, especially when you're lit up by something. And yeah, I just feel like the very first time I met you, you were very bubbly, obviously the cheerleader kind of group projects, but you're also very I don't know just got great work ethic.
Speaker 1:Thanks, babe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so there's a little bit about us. It's a little bit about us, okay, and so then let's just talk about how we know each other a little bit. Yes, so I met Marley obviously an acting class, because we are in LA.
Speaker 1:Where else do you meet people in an acting class?
Speaker 2:Exactly, and we are both Thetas Kappa Alpha.
Speaker 1:Thetas for those of you who don't know the greatest sorority.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm pretty sure we did that like handshake, that was like you know the secret Theta handshake. We're like yep, they're really a Theta. Do you know something?
Speaker 1:that was super embarrassing about the handshake. I was home in New Mexico for like break and I was wearing a Theta sweater and this woman walking out of the restaurant was like oh my God. My Theta sister and I was like oh my God and I tried to give her the handshake and she was doing it.
Speaker 2:Oh God, yeah, because you were like are we doing it, are we not doing it?
Speaker 1:I was, like I guess we're not doing it. I thought it was like a thing we were all supposed to know and she was like older than us. So I was like, oh, she's the person who's like going to be into this shit. Nope, she didn't remember. Yeah, Nope.
Speaker 2:She's like I left those years behind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we were both in Theta.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I remember one time I went to a bar out here to watch an Alabama football game and there was a girl with a pen that said like Theta loves a tie. So I go up to her and I'm like, oh my God, you're Theta, oh, theta. And she's like, no, you're not. And I was like yes, I am. And she's like no, you're not. I was like I am. I was the president of Theta when I was there and she was like, well, and then she realized that I was much older than her, you know, because she was currently a Theta, and I was like, oh my God, how rude.
Speaker 1:Well, this goes back to what I said about the fact that you look really young.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I mean I'm finally starting to hit, I think, 25, 26.
Speaker 1:King Roger fluctuations.
Speaker 2:That's really great you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm really happy for you.
Speaker 2:Before. I mean I remember I've been literally denied at bars in LA.
Speaker 1:I'm sure, at age 25.
Speaker 2:And I'm like this is insane, but whatever. Um and so another story I like to kind of encapsulate our friendship is we are very mismatched friends, are we? You know, appreciate it? I mean, because here's the thing I'm more of hearing right, I have hearing loss, I wear hearing aids and Marley is dyslexic, so I will be sending text message that she will find confusing and she'll be sending me voice notes and we're like what the fuck is going on here? I have been trying to text you more recently. No, and honestly, I know your voice so well that, like, when you send me a voice note, it's not a big deal. Like I know what you're saying because I know what our personalities are. But I just think that that's so interesting that we found each other through. When did I tell you?
Speaker 1:I was dyslexic.
Speaker 2:I don't recall. You know you're the very first person I told about my hearing loss.
Speaker 1:I like to do that In my adulthood besides people that I went to school with, I remember this day very crystal clear.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Actually, I just moved into this apartment and you called me and you were crying and I was like this is weird. This bitch doesn't cry. Why is she crying? And I was trying to be funny and you were like this is not a funny conversation. I was like okay, let me shove that back down. I was sitting in the bedroom and I like kind of just like not like fell to the floor, like was like I'm going to sit down where I am and listen to this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, and what's so interesting now is looking back and like reflecting on that. That was 2020. So three and a half years ago Right, I mean almost four really, is that? I remember even telling Joe my boyfriend, and he was like, okay, and you know, I mean I really think that that was most people's response to whatever I was saying. I mean, in a way, it wasn't a big deal at all, which was great, but also was kind of like, why have I been letting this eat away at me for fucking 20 plus years? Sure, I mean, and I feel like I think you probably told me, I don't know, probably in the same year. Yeah, you know, I think that helped our relationship budge stronger. Yeah, and also, anytime you're being vulnerable, the root grows deeper, right.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, and then, not that we're mismatched in this way, but because I am a couple years older than you, I have aged out of my partying before you, right, sure, um. And so I just remember vividly when I was, like I don't know, 25 and you which seems so young.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was 25 and I was working at my restaurant job and you rolled up with your party bus for your birthday and picked me up from work and I was literally changing in the bathroom in front of all my Italian coworkers, like tits out, ass out, being like, oh, this is so funny and awkward, but like I'm going partying, and you know, at that point I was like kind of starting to move on, but you've always kept me very young. Oh thanks, you know. So I appreciate that. Retiring party girls forever, oh God, yeah, well, I mean, sometimes I will, like the other day I had to express more teeny, not affected at all. Oh, and then I'll have three sips of wine and I'm like I am buzzed, interesting. So who knows?
Speaker 1:Maybe. I'm curious if it was the coffee, because you drink a lot of coffee. Yeah, that might have actually been the yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just like a dick Counteracted the alcohol in there. And also, do you know, if you are, I have already been through my Saturn return because I am now 30.
Speaker 1:So you're the one who told me about this shit, and now I am actually scared.
Speaker 2:Hmm, yeah Well, I mean, for those of you that don't know, a Saturn return basically kind of just like is a transition astrologically from childhood into adulthood.
Speaker 1:It's supposed to happen around 30.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like late 20, it can happen as early as 26. I think it really just depends on like all this numbers and mathematical stuff, but basically kind of just like governed responsibilities, rules, personal growth, kind of just like puts you back on the path of where you authentically fit. And Joe is in his.
Speaker 1:Yes, for sure.
Speaker 2:And I mean it's just like I mean, but he's having so many wins at the same time. It's like four disasters, two wins. Okay, you know. So if you're not there, yeah, I feel like yours is probably coming. I think it Christmas about a minute. What happened at Christmas?
Speaker 1:Where did we start? My future father-in-law got shingles. Oh wow. Wednesday, my adorable kitten that I was supposed to take home this is. I did not play it on, tell like this. My adorable kitten I was supposed to take home got an ear infection Horrible. Unfortunately, my uncle passed away of stomach cancer. Mm-hmm, our like. The irony is like do we think we're done? No, it's only the beginning. We're about halfway through. Hunter, my fiance was supposed to come on Christmas. Christmas even 1130 at night. He takes a COVID test positive.
Speaker 1:Oh my parents are headed on a three month world cruise. He can absolutely not be around my parents. Also, like he has COVID, like can't come for Christmas. It just what you think you've had enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the list is fucking pile of fire. Oh no, this is the real kicker.
Speaker 1:This is really what I mean, I would say. My losing my uncle has been hard to but my mom on Christmas Eve no, christmas day, my apologies I was like I'm doing laundry and I was like, okay, she's like bring me your laundry. And I'm like great, I have a laundry basket in my bathroom which is not connected to my room. I go out to my laundry basket and, ironically, when I came home, no one uses my bathroom when I'm not there, because it's just the rest of the house is not where my room is and whatnot, and I guess no one uses my laundry basket also when I'm not there. So I had noticed that there was a pair of underwear from the last time I was there, which was literally a year before, just sitting there and I was like, oh well, it's been a while since, whatever, so fast forward Christmas day.
Speaker 1:I reach into my laundry basket and I just scoop up all the pairs of underwear that are sitting there and when I pulled my hand out, I had a full blown syringe in my hand, a medical syringe. I don't know who's it was, we don't know where it came from, we don't know what was there. We called everybody who attended Christmas Eve and they were like it's not ours, no questions asked. Fuss up to it. Are you diabetic? Why the fuck is there a syringe in my hand? I'm freaking the fuck out. I am like my parents are having a very underwhelming reaction and I'm calling on to her, like my parents are having an underwhelming reaction, like what do I need to do? Like I need to go to the hospital and then, when nobody fussed up to it being there, so my parents did freak out and we went to the emergency room and now I'm on HIV meds. Wow, for the rest of so, like did it happen.
Speaker 2:A plot twist of 2024. The end of 23. Oh my God, so like am I good Sadder in return. Baby, is that a sadder? Did I do it? I mean, I don't know who did it, but that sounds like I'm like crazy fucking bad.
Speaker 1:My parents house was broke.
Speaker 2:Let me just clarify that this didn't appear OK, so you should tell people what do you do. Does the syringe stick to your hands?
Speaker 1:Yes, it stuck my hand. It was bleeding. It was very deep in my hand, so deep that the next day my arm was so sore because that needle had disrupted my arm. My parents house was broken into over the summer by a very terrible human and I think this is the most logical I can come up with. He shot up in my bathroom, discarded his drugs and my laundry, rasket which fucked up or not, I could see maybe as would be a trash can, and it ended up in my hand on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, oh my god.
Speaker 2:so what do you have to do?
Speaker 1:You take two. Science is amazing, so this is actually somewhat common for people who work in the medical profession, so this is a very common treatment. I'm on two different medications that I take for a month, and I have to get my blood tested three months, six months, nine months and a year just to make sure there's no issues, and I have to use condoms now. So, yeah, really exciting shit. Wow, learn something new. That is crazy. Yeah, I really glanced over that the other day when I told you what happened Christmas break.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god so did I have my Saturday return? No, I think it lasts for two and a half three years. It's just the beginning, yeah, but it's supposed to be full of lessons, and I mean honestly I feel like I say this all the time but if you are talking about some of your own wanting to take more personal responsibility, it's like you can't ask to be more responsible and not be giving tests to prove that you are responsible. I'm sorry, when did I say I wanted to be more responsible? When you were making your vision board?
Speaker 1:Oh, I meant financially, yeah, sure.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know that the universe takes track of what we want to be responsible for. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Did I say that I didn't realize?
Speaker 2:So I actually like to stay horribly irresponsible.
Speaker 1:I just don't think the life I would like to live is going to approve of that.
Speaker 2:Exactly, that's why it's teaching you that thing. Yeah, cool, yeah I mean. Yeah, who knows? But I really think that that is. I mean, joe's had a lot of hills and battles these past few months and I'm like you know what it's fucking working out. And then, of course, yesterday he got his final crown and he booked a job and I was like I told you all this was happening for a reason. You were going to need new teeth and then you were going to get a job, because you can't get a job and then have dental surgery. So I was like it worked out.
Speaker 1:So the lesson here is when shit gets really, really bad, it could either continue to get really bad or something really good is going to happen. I think that's the lesson.
Speaker 2:Well, I think it's if you pass the test right Of saying you know, can I, if I met with this hardship, can I decide who I want to be and then move through that hardship into someone I enjoy being? You know? So, unfortunately, I think the syringe method is probably just a version of that.
Speaker 1:I mean I'm here, yeah, exactly, I'm dealing. I'm happy, honestly, at this point it's kind of a cool story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah. Do you have any New Year's resolutions, which is like the most basic question I've ever got. No, it's not.
Speaker 1:You know, I kind of have. I feel like it's a very trendy thing to say on TikTok to say I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I'm not going to say that. I think I have things that I'm going for that are in a tone or like same goals that I've continually had for a while, but a lot more of it. Like I said, it's about the tone, but I would say this is I think I brought this up on the podcast before my tone. That I am very obsessed with right now is consistency over talent. If you are an F1 fan, this is like my favorite story to tell. My favorite F1 driver is Lewis Hamilton.
Speaker 2:Don't know the thing about F1.
Speaker 1:That's great. I'm about to tell you all you need to know. Not really, but you'll get an address. So in F1, he has been in F1 for quite some time he was very talented, very good, very early on. He's won the world champion, which is like the Super Bowl of NFL 6. I would say seven times. We won't get into the controversy of that. And the reason Lewis Hamilton is, in my opinion, the best driver in F1 is because he is consistently the best driver. He is not the most fast, he's not the most risky, he's not the most cocky maybe anymore. He's consistent, and I would like to be in a place in my life where I am consistently at solid levels. I don't need to be the craziest, I don't need to be the funnest, I don't need to be the drunkest, I don't need to be the most successful, I just want to be consistent.
Speaker 2:So what does consistent feel like for you?
Speaker 1:I think consistent feels like that's a great question. I don't know if I can put the words to it. Let me think here. Consistent is knowing what the task is at hand, learning the steps to get there, further education these are all the steps that lead up to your consistency, but then doing the thing without haste or delay or negative self-talk. So I feel like being consistent feels confident.
Speaker 2:OK, so what I'm hearing is that when you feel consistent, you feel at ease, more patient and trusting the process.
Speaker 1:Yes, because I know I'm actually doing all my shit. Oh my god, I hope this gets clipped out. We both have this acting coach. We've worked with John from Hot Shots and he said something to me that really stuck with me and it was in the metaphor is auditions.
Speaker 1:If you get an audition and you put in 40% and you don't get it, you're like, well, that's OK, I only put in 40%. If you get an audition and you put in 100% and you still don't get it, you're kind of heartbroken because you did give it your all. But what's worth less, I think, hurting the consistency level and giving a 40, consistently, you're never going to reach a 90 or an 80 consistency level, and that really stuck with me. So I think that's kind of like that I've been having fear or I've had fear in the past. I've known what I've needed to do and didn't do it, or I didn't stay consistent maybe with growing my net worth Network is your net worth and I dropped the ball on something. So if I don't drop the ball on things and even if nothing happens, no sweat off my back and I still feel good.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I feel like I've heard the phrase you don't rise to your best, you always fall to your patterns. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm definitely a product of that. Yeah, and I'm not proud of that, but it's just true.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and what do they say? Habits build your life, and so just being consistent with what your habits are, but how do you want to feel? I am so, like if what I'm trying to ask is when you feel consistent. Essentially, what you're saying is that you feel at peace with your body and your mind and your soul. You feel at peace with knowing the steps that you're taking.
Speaker 1:I did everything I can. It's time to surrender. Maybe I've become more spiritual, maybe that's just something that happens to you later in life. You love God and then you don't believe in it, and then you maybe come back to it and like, yeah, I've done everything I can, I've put in the work. It's time to surrender and just see what happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, speaking of that, I have a question that I really want to ask is, speaking of spirituality and all that, what parts of you do you think were dictated by external forces that you still have?
Speaker 1:How much time do we have? Unfortunately and I do believe this, you know, when we were children, these don't exist anymore. There would be like the Foam Wonderland ads on TV, the commercials, and be like whoa, foam Wonderland. You can make these things da, da, da, da, call the phone number and you'll get Foam. I'm the kid who bought that.
Speaker 1:I buy into media so easily. I'm innately affected. Some people would say that's because I'm empathic, but honestly I'm gullible and I'm super absorbent of what's around me, so marketing works really well on me. I just believe people honestly, at face value a little bit. I think I've been really affected. I think I've been grossly affected by media. I mean, that's a huge reason for starting this podcast. I was, I'm horribly and happily, affected greatly by TV and television in the best way, because that's what I want to be doing, is acting. But then I also can be very affected by people and the things people say about me or about themselves and me, then thinking I'm not like them. So yeah, I don't think no, very few people have not affected me. I just take it personally, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what do you? How do you feel? How do you find when you get lost in the mix of absorbing media, tv, friends and absorbing other people's opinions like what practice do you do to separate that from yourself? Like, do you have those practices in?
Speaker 1:place yet? Probably not. If we're being like really honest, like I would love to say, after going into four years of doing this podcast, talking to people about how they handle media and self-talk or whatnot, like I probably don't. There's not a religious conscious thing like, oh, I'm not going to let this in, I just I kind of roll with it and I think the older you get, maybe like you just don't care quite as much. I think maybe this is now that we're speaking this out in real time I've learned to balance, that you can have an opinion about me and I can hear it, I can let it affect me whatever, and at the same time, I can just compartmentalize that and do something else. So I think compartmentalizing actually has become the strategy.
Speaker 2:But like, do you feel like you absorb, like, if you see other people doing X, y and Z, do you innately want to do X, y and Z? Or are you able to be like, oh, they're doing X, y and Z. I'm going to stick with A, b and C.
Speaker 1:I think it depends how tired I am. If I'm really tired, I'm really busy, I'm feeling great about myself or like I've just had a great time with my life. You know, acting's going great, podcast is going great. Maybe I'm just like, oh, that's great, good for them. I wish I could do it. But I'm busy over here doing my shit. But if things aren't going so well, yeah, like I'll be like what the fuck am I doing with my life? You know, it does affect me.
Speaker 2:So then, how do you get back on track?
Speaker 1:Time I'm such a stupid answer, but I've been saying that a lot to people recently, which is horrible because, on the one hand, the only thing we have in life is time and it's the only thing so dark. It's the only thing we're going to run out of. I'm dealing with grief a little bit right now too, is like we're going to run out of time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But the age time experience. I think that's the only thing I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, speaking of that, I feel like I have obviously realized that in the past few years as well, and I feel like what I've learned is that the way my brain perceives the world is through colors, and so if I think of my experience on this earth for a very small amount of time, I think of it as a canvas and I'm like how many colors can I play with? You know, I've done a million fucking jobs. I've worked at Children's Hospital. I've worked at Disney World she was Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I've worked in London. I mean I've done so many different jobs. If you name a job, I've probably done it, except taught, like, how to scuba dive Something I haven't done.
Speaker 1:Well, you haven't been a stripper.
Speaker 2:You know I mean, yeah, you've acted as one, I've acted one, just kidding, you know. But anyway. And so I think of, like, what colors do I want to play with on my little canvas? And sometimes I pick up a color, like I used to have a corporate job, and then I was like, oh, I don't like this color orange, I'm just not going to use it. But at least I have orange on my canvas. You know what I mean and I can be like, at least I played with it a little bit. But I feel like for me, my thing for New Year's resolutions is I don't know if I have one, but I am getting rid of fucking yum, yuckers, what it's like people that yuck here, yum, like you say yum and they say yuck. You know what I mean, who people actually say that to you. No, it's just like an analogy, no, I know.
Speaker 1:But like what's like role play it for me.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I think, growing up in Alabama, the limited I mean your options are a nurse, a lawyer or a police officer, Like that's fucking it. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Like all my female friends, it's like the game of life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and all my friends in Alabama are nurses. Every woman in my family besides my mother is a nurse. So, like you don't have the bandwidth to hold space for curiosity when you're kind of in a bubble that you don't realize is a bubble, you know. And so I think now I've realized, oh, they want me to be X. Well, if they want me to be X, they should go BX and I'll go BD. You know what I mean. And so I think, realizing that people are yucking me constantly, even if it's not just outright, but I just noticed that I'm attracted to people that are naturally curious and that are naturally playful and insightful and wanting to stroke different colors of paint on their canvas, and that is who I need to surround myself with more, and people that have the space to say you know what. I don't agree with you at all, but I'd love to hear about how your brain got to that point.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's really what I want. I just want people that have the space to be able to at least go there, because I feel like if you are secure in your yums, you don't criticize your yucks to other people because you're like oh, I know what I like, so I'm going to keep doing my thing until my mind changes.
Speaker 1:It's giving me a lot of reflection if I am somebody who yums people's yums or yucks their yums.
Speaker 2:I think it depends on the relationship. Yeah, you know like it's easier for me to yuck my sister's yum, probably.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:Than it is for me to say it to a stranger who I'm like oh my God, you don't even realize how great you're doing. You're just budding in your own space over there, even though I have no idea what that's about. Like I can see your end, your power, you know.
Speaker 1:I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I think I can yuck someone's yum, but I won't say anything. Like I'm very good about having an opinion, but I will just let you do you. I'm like, yeah, you do you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I, and honestly I think that's a great quality. I think it would be even better to maybe I don't know even have that conversation of like I don't really know what you're doing. You know it's not my job. I'm tired.
Speaker 1:I'm tired as fuck. I used to have this mentality of like everything was my job to like help other people and fix it. Go do whatever the fuck you want, I do not care. It is like I a mentor I had. I she was dance teacher I had when I was at summer camp. I went on to be an intern for her and then I worked for her out after college and I you know I still stay in touch with her.
Speaker 1:We got coffee and I was talking about this new job I have and you know I was like, nope, I'm there to keep my head down, I'm there to get a paycheck and I'm going to leave and I'm going to go home and I'm going to do what I want to do, which is this stuff and acting. And she was like, oh my God, I can't do that. That's like so self aware that it's not your job to fix anything. And I'm like, yep, I'm tired, I can take on everybody's. I could produce your project, I could market your da-da-da, Like I would willingly take on that kind of stuff if I should or shouldn't is a whole another conversation. And you know what I'm tired. So go do your little project. I'm not going to yuck your yum, but it's your yum, yum, yuck, yuck to go deal with, Not mine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, cool. Well, this is perfect because this moves into your human design. Yes, so I did some research. Basically, if you don't know what human design is, I don't really know how to describe it. I just know that it's a mix of like. We've talked about it a little bit on the pot before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, check out the episodes with Amy Park.
Speaker 2:Okay, cool, like I mean, I feel very confident in human design. I feel like, again, living in a small town, you're not really exposed to all these different modalities of like learning how to understand yourself. It's really just like here are a few books of the Bible and if you relate to them, great, if not, well, get lost, I would say it's a way to categorize your personality, workflow, type of thinking structures.
Speaker 1:They're like confines.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they're just Is that the reword Confines.
Speaker 1:I don't know. They're guides.
Speaker 2:They're guides. They're guides, yeah, they're guides. So, anyway, I looked at yours and you don't have your exact birth time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my mom's on a three month world cruise.
Speaker 2:So she's a little busy. So, um, we're just going with what I put up on yours. So, anyway, marley is a 5-1 generator and what's interesting is, I am a 5-1 manifestor, so we are both the challenge solver as 5-1s. I'm sorry, what that is? What, like our type is 5-1.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know what the numbers are.
Speaker 2:Well, so I'm going to tell you Great. So the first number describes the way you see yourself, which is a 5, which we both are, and the second number, one no no no, I see myself as a 10.
Speaker 2:Let's just clarify. Well, I think the last number is 6, so we're really close to the top, and the second number describes how other people see you. So what I think is fascinating? That me and you are the same type the challenge solver. So 5 is technically the liberator. It is a save the day energy about you and you got all this stuff I'm just typing in my birthday, yeah.
Speaker 2:So basically, what I did is I am obsessed with this app called my Human Design app. It's phenomenal Not sponsored, but if we're open to it, open to it, we love it. And you know, you can put all of your friends, like I have Joe's in here, I have my brothers, my sisters, because I do feel like it helps learning how other people navigate the world, because I'm like, oh shit, we obviously don't see through the same lens, so like, no, duh. But so anyway, 5 being the way you see yourself is a challenge solver. You mean that sometimes you might not know who you are without trying to help other people, which I feel like is very you, because you always take on other people's problems Not maybe so much anymore, but you know, no, it's the tendencies are there.
Speaker 1:I've had to do a lot of work to maybe not.
Speaker 2:In quotations. Yeah, being like willing to produce all these things that you may not even be passionate about, whatever, and then also, I think that me and you both have that we talked about this before privately that innate instinct to be highly aware of other people's actions around us, and that being like a survival technique of like maybe just because we are both empathetic towards other people but also making sure that we're not causing any craziness.
Speaker 1:Recovering people pleasers.
Speaker 2:Yep, and then number one being the knowledge seeker. The investigator seeks out facts and information about knowing things, and that solving problems is one of your human skills, which I think is an example of this podcast, thanks. You know kind of diving deep into different information to help solve a problem in general, right so, and then, basically, as a generator, you're lit up by things. If you are lit up by things, they just innately spill out of you, and so what I got from your chart was mostly is the power in saying no, because if you take on things that you're not fulfilled by then, there's not enough space for you to get opportunities that are better matched. But I feel like you've known that for probably the last year or so.
Speaker 1:Last years, maybe year and a half two, because being a generator is something I do know a little bit about. So the other options in human design are generator, manifestor, projector, reflector. Oh, the reflector couldn't be me.
Speaker 2:And the manifesting generator, manifesting generator.
Speaker 1:So the reflector is like they take a shit ton of time to like ponder shit over my hairdresser is one.
Speaker 2:She says it takes her 28 days to make a decision. Yeah, it always Like no, but that's who she is, you know. But she's so cool though, because you're just like holy shit, you just operate so much more different.
Speaker 1:I wonder how we would function in a room together and then manifestor is you. So explain what a manifestor is.
Speaker 2:So a manifestor is somebody that is here to initiate ideas to the world. There are essentially trailblazers and being the first to do things, and their aura is closed. I think we're the only energy type that has a closed aura, and the reason it's closed is because we are initiating new ideas into the world. We don't want people yet don't easily understand where our heads are going and why we're going that way, so we don't want people to poke holes in our theory that take away from trusting this knowledge.
Speaker 1:I think that was a very manifestory response about what a manifestor is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so. But the thing is like I have realized that people often do find me sometimes to be rude, especially if I'm like kind of working on my own project, because but my whole life as a childhood I mean that describes my childhood being constantly like wanting to do new things and try new things and break the mold, and then people just a not understanding it. And then now I realize, oh, that is why people feel like they can't get to me easily.
Speaker 1:And then what's a perceiver?
Speaker 2:Perceiver. Did they just make that a projector?
Speaker 1:projector.
Speaker 2:Yes, so a projector is, but no, I love projectors. My boyfriend is a projector. He's a six to projector, which is so annoying Because he's basically the example, or marry, the example human, which describes Joe, I feel like. But as a projector they're really good at seeing things, seeing great.
Speaker 1:That's my dad too.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, seeing how things could work more efficiently, and they really like to be invited to use their insight on the world, and so Joe always helps me with that. He's so good at being able to see like from a bird's eye view and just building confidence.
Speaker 1:And then we have the manifestor, generator, combo platter of what I am and Alyssa.
Speaker 2:So if we have a child, maybe my roommate said it was a manifesting generator, and so it's kind of the manifestors that are given ideas to birth, but they have the energy source of a generator like you, who can go, go, go, go go, and I really do think the world right now is currently the best serve for the manifesting generator, these entrepreneurs types that can also carry a huge amounts of energy to actually do the work. Me, I'm like a firework, I'm like bright and fast. Okay, now I need help. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know. So I think your question was you know something about? For generators it's in the vein of for me, like it's either like a hell yes or it's a hell no. They have a lot of power in saying no, which for the longest time I fought super, super against being a people pleaser. I would take on so much stuff, say yes and then nothing would work out for me because I left no space for myself. So I'd say, in the past two years I literally have generator on my computer.
Speaker 1:It's like inspo folder. I click it open and it literally says the line of if it isn't a hell yes, it's a hell no for a generator I do. I really have to live by that because I and I've gotten a lot better about saying, like it's not right now, like I'll do it, that project can start when this project is done. Because, like I used to just be so hell yes all the time, and now I am definitely I'll tell you when I have time and or it's just a no Cause, if I'm not really going to give it my all, then I'm not going to do it, or I shouldn't do it. And if I do do it, I the regret. Oh my God, the regret.
Speaker 2:So how do you feel when you tell people no and they don't take that well, Like what do you? You know, I this.
Speaker 1:maybe because I'm so new in the realm of this. It hasn't gone that bad, because I just maybe haven't had enough experience of somebody saying no poorly. Yet I don't. I don't think I've had a bad one. There's still definitely moments where I didn't say something that I should have. That I regret and I'm working on that, but I don't think I've actually had a bad reaction to a no.
Speaker 1:It's been very positive and the terminology I'd like to instill on the audience I think I read this in a book about MPASS is you're supposed you should say like, thank you so much for thinking of me. I really respect what you're doing with this XYZ project, xyz job, insert thing here, and I can't take this on because I don't have the time to give it the respect it needs. And so it really like you validate the worth of what they're doing and you say I don't have the time because I can't, not, because I think this idea is shit. Like, don't say that, just be like I can't give you what you want of me and if I can't do it at the level of consistency that Marley would like to be at, I'm not gonna do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then that person can go find someone that is more aligned and turn. Your village is helping them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if not, you're honestly being selfish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, brutal, I love it. Okay. And then your authority, which is how you make decisions and how you know you're knowing, is sacral, which is your gut yes, for me it's emotions, oh.
Speaker 1:I would have thought, gut, and emotions are similar. Yeah, what's the difference?
Speaker 2:Well, let's read it. This is the app. I don't know if you can see that I think with my deck. I don't think that's right. It's a nice thought. It says how you should make decisions. Yeah, I mean basically what you have already said. Your gut is black and white. It doesn't know. Maybe You'll either feel, yes, I want it, or no, you're not meant to do it. You can feel anything from strongly repelled to just eh.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know and so trust your wants, make decisions and. But it says if you're ever feeling hesitant or mixed, it's either because your gut has spoken but you're not in tune with that response or it's a problem.
Speaker 1:I've had to do a lot of work to uncover that because all the bullshit of growing up and honestly having a narcissist best friend and the trauma I went through as a child made it really hard for me to read my own gut. So I like it's there and, yes, I'll get upset, but I've also had to learn the cues.
Speaker 2:So like what is your cue? Have you built up evidence to trust your gut? I do have tangible proof. No.
Speaker 1:No, not yet. It's therapy, Like I just I either know or I don't, there's not, like I don't sit there and like jot it out, Like I know where I don't and when I know, and I've fucked up and I've said yes and I should have said no. It's this turmoil and I, you know, work to get out of it. The thing I've realized is saying no in the moment is not as bad as saying yes and dealing with the turmoil of it. That's worse. So yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I see.
Speaker 2:For me. My gut is so shows up on my body, like I get physical ailments, like I remember I was dating this guy, probably when I was 24. And wow, I thought he was so cool and so hot and he was so bad for me. And the amount of yeast I mean, sounds like somebody you should date at 24. No but, and he was a lot of fucking fine, but the amount of yeast infections I got was unbelievable. You know, like I had cystic acne.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I never had cystic acne before. It was like my body was physically repelling.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah, if that's you physically repelling.
Speaker 2:You know and like, but yeah, I wasn't old enough to understand. Like, oh shit, like everything that I physically see in my body, I think spiritually means that I am not in a good place. You know what I mean? Yeah, and so I mean I even feel that way sometimes with work. I'm like, okay, it's time to move on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I live so much in my brain Like it's all in my head, it's all internal monologue and dialogue. Yeah, mine's my body, like I can just tell None For emotions.
Speaker 2:You know I have to do. It's similar to the gut, but mine is. I have to ride the wave and I can feel really high and say yes in a moment, or feel really low and say no, but it's a thing that is consistent over time. Yeah, how I feel emotionally.
Speaker 1:And you know what I'll say time, it helps me a lot too. Going back to my good friend time yeah, I take time, I'll take. I used to be like give an answer right away and if there is the instant no, and I don't say no and I say yes, again turmoil, but like give it time and then I think about it and then I'll respond or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It becomes clear, time helps a shit ton Mm-hmm, which luckily we have some of. Well, at the same time, you never know, because a vending machine could fall on you.
Speaker 2:So I don't know, okay, and I guess, what I would like to talk about last. Yes, I have so many things I want to talk about, but I guess if I'm gonna pick, okay. So what I really want to know is, now that you've done, how many episodes Too?
Speaker 1:many.
Speaker 2:Too many. 100 plus right. 100 plus, yeah. Now that you've done 100 plus episodes, you've talked to a lot of people about a lot of subjects Like trusting your gut, starting a pot, business, micro dosing, all these things. Have you actually learned anything Like? Have you applied anything that you've heard in real life?
Speaker 1:This is so bad. But you know, I've had this thought somewhat recently and I think at one point yes, like I've learned so much, and the more you learn, there's these moments of like oh my God, I know so much more than if I didn't do the podcast and I should implement these things. And some of these things I do. Maybe some of these things I don't, but you know what, the more I learn, the less you know. It just feels like an ever ending cycle of like you think you can hit the top and learn everything there is about something and then it changes and I don't know. I guess it feels I feel like my father when I say this, but like it does very much feel that knowledge is forever turning and you're just never gonna be able to implement it all. I mean, there's shit people say on the podcast that I full blown don't agree with.
Speaker 2:Okay, and that's what I wanna know. What is the bullshit that you're like? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:I just know it won't work for me. The bullshit like everyone's always just like be yourself, that I have had so many guests and I'm not adding them for it. But like they're always like be yourself and I'm like, what does that mean? Like it doesn't like be yourself, like if I wanna roll around in the dirt, I, that's me being myself. Or if, like you know what, if myself is mean, like I can be, really no one would know it. But I'm super judgmental, I don't say it. I'm so gent, like I should be that.
Speaker 2:But is that? Because it's a reflection of your internal life?
Speaker 1:Maybe I don't know, but like I, just I don't love the advice of just like be yourself, don't care, don't give a fuck. People always say don't give a fuck. You know what? Here's the truth. I have the whole podcast because I give a lot of fucks. I give a lot, a lot of fucks. I care what people think about me, I'm not above the follower count. You know. Whatever, like I can compartmentalize and put away, but you know what, at the end of the day, it's just it's there and I'm not gonna ignore it. Maybe I still live under the gun and maybe it's just in this moment I'm really venting it out to you, but at the same time, like it's there, yeah, it's not going away. I think it's naive to literally look at yourself and be like the shit doesn't matter. Maybe it doesn't matter, as extreme as my brain can make it seem sometimes, but yeah.
Speaker 2:So do you think you've changed from the beginning of this podcast to where you are now? Yes, I do. Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1:But in what ways? I'm a lot more confident that I was when I started the podcast. I didn't know how to compartmentalize it all. Like an emotion about this is a completely hypothetical situation. If someone trashed me online and then I had to go do an audition, do a podcast, and then I went to a Pilates class, I'd be upset all day. Now I'd be like all right, this time I felt shitty about it. Now I'm moving on, like now I can do that. I couldn't do that before. I couldn't tuck it away.
Speaker 1:So I think that's changed me a lot. I'm not really scared about meeting people. I'm not as scared I'm not gonna say I'm completely over it about people pleasing, you know. And I will say also that like I have learned a lot how to put myself out there successfully unsuccessfully by promoting podcasts on social media. Like I just got to the fullest extent maybe where I wanna be, but yeah, I put myself out there a lot more. And like I've also like honestly, tinked with my personality a little bit. Like I do think you can design yourself a little bit and I'm cool with that, but there's always gonna be you in there too.
Speaker 2:I guess my last question is your purpose behind wanna be a girl. Do you think that's more for healing yourself or do you think that's because you genuinely like helping the collective?
Speaker 1:You know what I mean Like oh, it's gonna sound so bad if I say that, but yeah, I think it. I think I thought I was helping other people and maybe I am. I would love to believe that and I hope that's happening. But yeah, I'm healing myself, Like you know, cause I'm the only person who lives in my own head. I can't go live in other people's head. So I'm healing my own internal it girl and, like I hope I don't inspire you to heal Marley's it girl, I hope you can heal your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what ways are you now your own it girl?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't know. It's such an untangible thing Like I.