Ask Kati Anything!

ep #4 - I find it really hard to talk about my feelings as a result of abuse/trauma... - Ask Kati Anything!

April 02, 2020 Kati Morton Season 1 Episode 4
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #4 - I find it really hard to talk about my feelings as a result of abuse/trauma... - Ask Kati Anything!
Chapters
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #4 - I find it really hard to talk about my feelings as a result of abuse/trauma... - Ask Kati Anything!
Apr 02, 2020 Season 1 Episode 4
Kati Morton

1 I find it really hard to talk about my feelings as a result of abuse/trauma, I'll often just shut down and not be able to make eye contact...

2 For long-term depression that has been deemed medication-resistant, what are the best next steps?

3 My first therapy session was supposed to be this week but it was canceled because of coronavirus. I just feel like I can't handle a whole month in quarantine dealing with ....

4 Any advice for students (who are still learning virtually in the pandemic) on how to stay focused doing day-to-day reading, assignments, etc.? Between the stress of the situation and distractions of...

5 I’m currently in high school and I want to pursue a psychology/therapy kind of profession. What would be the best types of classes that I could take in school or even out of school???  Also what colleges should I ...

6 What are the ways to maintain connection and feeling safe in video therapy/telephone sessions? My therapist has switched to video sessions to...

7 I would love to hear what self-care looks like for you as a therapist. How you keep work life at work/what you do to decompress/how you know it’s time to see your own therapist/what energizes you/etc.

8 Do you think it’s possible to get better on your own without any professional help whatsoever? I don't even know if I have a mental illness because I've never reached out for help because I strongly believe my...

9 I would like to hear more about self-compassion. What are the techniques?

10 I'm wondering about how to prepare and deal with (video) call sessions with my therapist. It makes me so anxious. Like in real life I have the tendency to get scared and not ...

11 Can attachment styles change over time? And if so can it be done in a way to improve mental health? (if we heal and work on ourselves it can, and it can also switch from one unhealthy attachment style to another which if I think...

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed marriage a family therapist answering your questions about mental health!


JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday Kati posts a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself! https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join

Ordering Kati's book
Are u ok?
http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Kati's Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Opinions That Don't Matter! (2nd podcast)
video: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs58xfxPpjVARRuwjH8usfw
audio: https://opionstdm.buzzsprout.com/

Help Caption Our Videos
http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UCzBYOHyEEzlkRdDOSobbpvw&tab=2

BUSINESS EMAIL
[email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

EMERGENCY?
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local em

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

Show Notes Transcript

1 I find it really hard to talk about my feelings as a result of abuse/trauma, I'll often just shut down and not be able to make eye contact...

2 For long-term depression that has been deemed medication-resistant, what are the best next steps?

3 My first therapy session was supposed to be this week but it was canceled because of coronavirus. I just feel like I can't handle a whole month in quarantine dealing with ....

4 Any advice for students (who are still learning virtually in the pandemic) on how to stay focused doing day-to-day reading, assignments, etc.? Between the stress of the situation and distractions of...

5 I’m currently in high school and I want to pursue a psychology/therapy kind of profession. What would be the best types of classes that I could take in school or even out of school???  Also what colleges should I ...

6 What are the ways to maintain connection and feeling safe in video therapy/telephone sessions? My therapist has switched to video sessions to...

7 I would love to hear what self-care looks like for you as a therapist. How you keep work life at work/what you do to decompress/how you know it’s time to see your own therapist/what energizes you/etc.

8 Do you think it’s possible to get better on your own without any professional help whatsoever? I don't even know if I have a mental illness because I've never reached out for help because I strongly believe my...

9 I would like to hear more about self-compassion. What are the techniques?

10 I'm wondering about how to prepare and deal with (video) call sessions with my therapist. It makes me so anxious. Like in real life I have the tendency to get scared and not ...

11 Can attachment styles change over time? And if so can it be done in a way to improve mental health? (if we heal and work on ourselves it can, and it can also switch from one unhealthy attachment style to another which if I think...

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed marriage a family therapist answering your questions about mental health!


JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday Kati posts a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself! https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join

Ordering Kati's book
Are u ok?
http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Kati's Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Opinions That Don't Matter! (2nd podcast)
video: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs58xfxPpjVARRuwjH8usfw
audio: https://opionstdm.buzzsprout.com/

Help Caption Our Videos
http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UCzBYOHyEEzlkRdDOSobbpvw&tab=2

BUSINESS EMAIL
[email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

EMERGENCY?
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local em

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

speaker 0:   0:00
you can ask her about your their star vent about work or anything. Sean always collapse at the beginning of these podcasts to sink the audio, and it always makes me giggle. And I want to do a little dance like a Macarena. Ah, anyways, hello and welcome back to another episode of Ask Katie anything. And I know you guys love that song. I love that song. My friend Jules made it for me. She's wonderful. She plays the ukulele. She's amazing and I miss her. I miss everybody. Doesn't everybody miss everybody? I just want to, like, hug somebody. I I ran into a neighbor when I was taking my garbage out the other night, and I was like person, but I couldn't. I was like, Hi, I was like Interaction. That's not my husband. And she giggled like, It's so good to see you. I was like, How are you? You know, it's just weird. We're like, holed up in our houses, and we don't get to Chitty chat like we normally do or hug or comfort, especially comforting each other when we feel kind of terrible. So making time to talk and connect like Zoom, Skype all that stuff. Make sure you're doing it because, uh, it's important, and it's very necessary. And if you need to hear it today, we're going to get through this. It'll be okay. Okay. Now, I pulled out 11 of your questions because last time I got through 11 and I know somebody had mentioned that there, I think I must have been their question. I'm guessing that they were like, Hey, that last question you didn't get to because I gave Sean the list and I forgot to remove the one I didn't get to and they were like, Is that? We're gonna be in the pocket. And it is. It's my 1st 1 So don't worry. I didn't forget, and I didn't, um you know, I didn't forget about you. I moved it over to this one s o. Ah, without further ado, I'm trying. Think if there's anything I should update you on nothing. Really. Um, we're just at home. It's funny, cause I like don't like what do I even have to share with people? Not really doing anything. I mean, I'm working like it's basic work, but like, you don't need to hear about me answering emails or like podcast. I mean, this is just It's just what I do. Um and so yeah. So this were recording us. This is going out tomorrow, so hey, hey, I hope you're excited. Um, and an exciting news, Sean and I just got the green light on our new channel. It's kind of fun. I'm not gonna lie to create a whole new YouTube channel for the podcast, because you guys, it's been like eight, eight years and three months of four months since we created the Katie Morton channel. So I'm like, Wow, it's so different on the back. And now And like, I forget what it was like and it's kind of fun to do it again. And we just got the A okay to turn on monetization. Yea. So I think this month will you make like, a dollar and I'm stoked because it's just a start, and it's really cool. So anyway, I was just excited, and I hope you are too. And hopefully it's just a nice distraction from all the chaos that is our world right now. Um, okay, let's get into your questions because I want to make sure I get through all 11 and you know me. I like to talk. I get excited. I have a lot of things to say. Blubbery blue, blah, blah. OK, question number. What? I find it really hard to talk about my feelings as a result of abuse and trauma. I'll talk about why that happens. Very common. I'll often just shut down and not be able to make eye contact. I struggle with this in therapy so I don't ever feel like I'm making real progress because I'm not opening up. I want to, but it almost feels involuntary. What do I do if I carry so much shame that I can't even tell my therapist what I'm thinking about or feeling? I really love this question because it is so common you're not alone. The reason that it's hard to talk about feelings as a result of trauma or abuse is kind of two fold number one. It kind of depends on you. Write some. You might feel like the first portion you're like, Yeah, that's why or the second portion or both. Okay, so the first reason is that when we are constantly abused like, let's say, growing up. We were, uh, sexually, physically, emotionally whatever abused by a parent or a family friend or whomever, Um, it can affect our ability to interact with other people because it's kind of there's sorry, it's complicated. I want to make sure I'm saying this clearly. Sometimes when we're sexually abused, it can confuse what we consider to be love and connection with other people and make it really difficult for us to have healthy connections, interactions other people in the future, because we don't really know what that looks like. However, when it's physical or emotional abuse, it can erode our sense of self in our sense of self confidence and even put us in positions where it's not really safe to express how we feel. And I even would go as far as to say that people who grew up in households like tons of generations, I honestly think that, like maybe my generation I was born in 83 would be one of the first generations to be able to raise Children. So, like, if if I had kids, I'm not gonna I'm sorry if you're offended by that, but not kids. But if Sean and I were to have Children, we would be the first generation, I think, to have the wherewithal to be like, Oh, talking to Children about emotions is important. Talking about feelings, letting them feel how they feel. I'm sure other people were doing it before, but I think this is like there's a major shift. And so I think a lot of us grew up even myself, personally, in a family where, you know, you don't really talk about the bad things. Fighting wasn't good. Like I, you know, Ah, we didn't learn how to communicate, how we felt. We were told to be quiet and oh, you'll be fine. Brush it off kind of thing versus letting Children really speak. I say all that. I know I'm getting all over the place. But that is part of the reason why we struggled to communicate our feelings. It can come from a lot of a lot of different avenues in life. But abuse specifically tells us that that we aren't important, that we aren't lovable, and it can make us question our own feelings and thoughts about it. Because if you don't know, emotional abuse can look like gas lighting, where we tell someone that like, Oh, you didn't remember that correctly or like That's not how that happened. And, um and it can really eroded our own like ability to trust ourselves. And so all of that to say that trauma and abuse can erode away at our confidence because you're talking about shame here. And I really think that for this person, that's most likely where it's coming from is that, you know, we have had all these instances in our life that eroded our ability to feel like we can trust ourselves, and it's okay to communicate who we are and what we are. And we feel bad about ourselves. Therefore, how can we identify feelings cause we're like, Oh, I don't I don't deserve to have feelings. I don't deserve to take up space. I shouldn't be here, Um, and so that's kind of why it's happening, okay? And I want to talk a little bit about like, um, the shutting down and not able to make eye contact. That's a definite trauma response. I see that a lot of my patients who, um, when you've gone through a trauma, it can be so overwhelming that we disassociate and association is when our brain kind of pulls the report. It's like, Wow, this is too emotionally overwhelming and taxing for me. I need to fly away. Then it can feel like we're like watching ourselves or like, out of body experience for like, um, out of environment like we're kind of like above, like watching this whole thing play out. So there's a lot of different ways that we can experienced association. But I would assume that that's kind of what you feel shut down a lot. People use that term shut down and unable to make eye contact, and I think that that really is a representation of dissociation. Um, that's just my guests, right? And I'm just basing it off of this question and what I'm kind of extrapolating from it, Um, and so the fact that it feels involuntary is very normal, and it's okay. And so what do we do? That's the question. What do I do if I carry so much shame? I can't even tell my therapist what I'm thinking about. We're feeling two things. I have to kind of chunks of advice for this. The first is notice how you're talking to yourself. Notice the conversation. Are we re playing or re stating those, like, shitty comments? Are we saying I'm unlovable? I've done something wrong. I'm always wrong. I don't deserve to take up space. I shouldn't be here. What are we telling ourselves? Pay attention. Because that conversation is is continuing down this path is causing this to still happen Because my guess would be that you're not in an abusive or traum traumatizing situation right now. Um, and we're trying to heal. And so those, like, falsely held believes or thoughts that we've had for a long time. We need to start fighting back against them. And, yes, it's really hard. And I would encourage you to get onto my Katie Morton YouTube channel and watch my video about bridge statements because we're gonna live in those bridge statements until we can build that bridge from these nasty, not helpful thoughts all the way into positive, wonderful, loving, self compassionate thoughts. And I know those come feel like worlds apart. But you know what? What's the saying? I think I've said this before in this podcast, probably. But like, how do you climb to the top of the mountain one step at a time. So it's going to one thought one conversation with ourselves at a time. So pay attention and try to use bridge statements and make those statements a little bit more positive. Like, for instance, an example would be It is quite possible that I'm not such a terrible person person like I thought I was. It's possible I could believe maybe, maybe, but that one's done on. So just pay attention, keep doing that. And then I think the second thing is we have to. And how do I want to say this? I think it's kind of like noticing the thoughts, making them were positive and then using, I guess feelings charts will be the best. But more than that. So we talked about this. A lot in the past is like You can look up feelings charts, which just have words for feelings because I don't know about you. But sometimes I don't really know exactly how I feel until I see the word of it. And I'm like, Yes, I am, uh, frustrated or I am overwhelmed. Um, and I might not have recognized that until I saw that and so printing out of feelings chart and having it and then taking those feelings words that at least one a day, but ideally try to get to 3 to 5 as you get better at it. But take that feeling word and then describe it in a sentence about how you are experiencing it. So, for instance, I feel overwhelmed, which is true. The world is like it's just crazy time right now. In a lot of the times I feel super anxious and overwhelmed. So I feel overwhelmed, which for me is experienced in being tired earlier than usual and then not being able to sleep and wanting to stop before I start because I'm like, Oh, this is just too much So that's how I feel it. But that doesn't mean that that's how you're gonna feel it. But you can use those feelings words and try to put some experience to it like how how you experience that feeling and we'll get better and more comfortable with it, and just an added layer onto that. If we are tracking our feelings, it might be super helpful for you to say something to yourself, like, um, once you've written out that sentence. So, like, I feel overwhelmed. And when I feel overwhelmed, if it makes it, I'm tired early, you know, makes it hard for me to go to bed. And I want to stop before I start. And then I want you to end with, and it's completely okay and acceptable for me to feel that. And I know that sounds silly, and you probably won't believe it for a while, but even just the fake it till you make it, I'll take it on this one because I don't kind of help you fight that shame and let you learn to open up more. And as you get better at this, I think you could bring in some of your lists of feelings. And bring that with you to therapy, because it will start to slowly move you in that direction where you can be more honest with yourself and your therapist. And you can, um, yeah, I get all that across. Okay. I hope that that helps. It gets better, I promise. And working with a trauma specialist is ideal, if if possible. Okay. Let's get a little water here. Mmm. I don't want to forget if you're wondering in your new welcome, um, these videos go out every Thursday. My name is Katie Morton. I'm a licensed therapist. I have, ah, channel on YouTube, Katie Morton, where I talk about all things mental health in not this same format. This is more of just a way for me to answer more of your questions because I know a lot of you've had them, and he used to do these F A Q videos five days a week, and that just got to be unmanageable for many reasons. Um and so, yes, we're doing podcasts. But if you're wondering where I get these questions, I ask for them on my YouTube community tab under the Katie Morton community tab. Um, I may try to do it under this channel. The opinions that don't matter channel um, for the podcast. But check the community tabs. Make sure you have notifications turned on for that because I will post in there asking for questions and pull them from it. And every time I ask, you get like, this time I think I had 280 something, and the time before I'd like 340 something. There's a lot of questions in there. Um, so if you have to ask it a few times, I'm sorry, but I asked them, I try to do the ones that have the most thumbs ups. So if you see a question, you're like, Oh, that's pretty similar to mine. And I would just love to get that answer. Give it a thumbs up because the more thumbs ups they get, then those, the more likely they will be answered in the next podcast. Cool, Cool. Okay, question Number two for long term depression that has not been deemed away. Sorry for long term depression that has been deemed medication resistant. What are the best next steps? First of all, I don't I mean, there's a lot of things in this to unpack. First of all, I don't believe that depression can just be treated with medication. I don't believe any mental illness can just be treated with medication. I know that sounds crazy, and you're probably Katie that says your therapist, and you just really want people to come in and see you and all research out there. You can go into Google Scholar and dig to your heart's content. All research shows that with medication plus therapy renders the best result for the patient. So if we're only getting one or the other, we're not. It's not as efficacious, meaning, it's just not gonna work as well. And so I really do not like when people just get treatment through medication because that doesn't fix the real problem. I truly believe that, um, that most mental illnesses and I say most because, like I've talked about in the past, like my schizophrenic and bipolar patients, Um, I do believe they should see a therapist for a while, but they'll come a point like all of us where we just don't really need the therapy anymore. But we still need the medication to manage our symptoms, and so there is a place in time for both, and then maybe we don't need it anymore. But with depression in particular, I believe we really need to work on our thoughts, and I know it's really fucking hard, and I know you hate it. And it's so easy to live in that negative land. I've talked about this recently, especially with the cove, it 19 stuff. But when, like We're as humans were predisposed to seek out threat, not meaning we go towards it. But our brain scans and tries to perceive any potential threat. Makes sense. It's adaptive, keeps us alive. We can fight flight, whatever we gotta do from a bear or a predator on the street. Anything we can run away we can get to safety makes sense. However, that also works to our demise when it comes to negative thoughts and actions and things people said 20 years ago, we can recall that negative information because it's a threat to us, our emotional safety. And so it's so easy to ruminate on it. And that's where depression comes in is once we get caught in the negative, hopeless, helpless place. We don't enjoy things anymore. We feel super tired all day and we can't sleep at night. We're not hungry or we're eating too much or drinking. There's a lot of symptoms that can come along with it, and I really think that in order to beat depression and be treated fully, we need to be in therapy because we need to work on those thoughts and we need to challenge them and turn them into more positive things using those bridge statements. Kind of going back to my last answer. Um, because I think bridge statements are really a great place for a lot of us to start, because I'm not gonna pretend that I can say Okay, you're so lovable and amazing. I don't believe that shit. That that's too far away from where I'm at now. So I need to build a bridge from where I'm at to where I want to be. Um and so Yeah. So I think I want to get that off, because I I think CBT is really beneficial for depression. Basic talk, therapy of any kind. DBT also helps. Um, yeah, see somebody. Okay, But then when they say it's deemed medication resistant next steps see a therapist. Also, I I'm always suspicious, and this is just me. I'm always suspicious when I see something in someone's chart that says, like, uh, you know, they've tried all these medications. I had a patient. Sorry. My nose. Really just I had a patient two years ago. Now, three years ago. I'm not sure a while ago. Time is an illusion, right? Um but a while ago, who came in and she had been on, I don't know, 20 different medications. She tried them all from sleep AIDS to anti psychotics added onto antidepressant, a slew of antidepressants and some anti anxiety meds. Some benzos. I mean, she tried everything and nothing had worked. And I'm always very curious. And as a therapist, my next step is I call whoever their psychiatrist or doctor is that has prescribed this medication. And I try to schedule a time with them because if you guys don't know, they never pick up. Um, if I have to call usually their assistant be like, Hey, can at the end of the day, can they set aside 15 minutes for me? Because I need to go over this. This chart. Obviously I've already had my patient sign a release. We don't need to get into all of that, but that's like legal. Ethically, we have to do that. So do that. Make a call, and then I try to talk to them to ask how long they gave these med it like, How long were the trials of these medications? Because if you guys don't know a lot of SS horizon, sn, arise otherwise known as antidepressants, can take weeks to take effect. And too often my patients will say, Well, you know, I didn't sleep very well the 1st 2 nights, so I just stopped it. I called my doctor and he took me off. I told my didn't like the side effects, but they didn't ask any follow up questions they didn't ask. Like, Hey, what are the side effects? What is this when you say you don't like it, is it just because it's a little inconvenient now? Because, believe it or not, some side effects go away. I'm not saying you should tolerate really shitty side effects. I'm the same. There's a conversation to be had to see if how tolerable it is. And if it really is worth discontinuing. Sometimes it is sometimes it isn't. And so that my patient in particular had been on a slew of medications in one year and I was like, That doesn't make any sense, because if we're gonna give something a real trial, I believe it needs to be at least two months and I'm not a doctor. But I'm just saying that like I would talk with her psychiatrist, I'd try to understand Because I met a lot of depression is medication resistant because we really need to work on our thoughts, but we should be able to find something. There's so much out there. We should be able to find something that brings us up, Puts our head above water, right? I talk about medication like a safety raft. We might not need it all the time, but we need it when we're drowning in the symptoms. And so, um, I would talk to your psychiatrist and talk about it and see how long your on those medications I'd growth. You know, do your own research into your own. Ask for your your files. Um, I don't think everybody should have all their file information because you don't really need all that, but I would just ask them for a medication run down like what you've been on for when you started when you stopped. So you can kind of see it, um, and do your own research that way so you can kind of get an idea. But then I think another great tool out there right now is to do what? Um, it's like a cheek swab and it's a DNA test to find out what medications are more likely to work for you and why. And so I would I would do that. Most insurances cover it now. Um, I think back in the day before insurance came on board, it was like $100 or 120 bucks. If you have the money, even if your insurance doesn't cover it, I think it could be super beneficial. Um, it's not 100% but it's a way to kind of tell what could work in what could not work. And then we could kind of go from there. Um, because the when Once they've deemed depression, like, you know, medication resistant or I forget what they call it. There's a certain word it's not. Oh, treatment resistant depression. TRD had to think for a second. Let my brain like bubble it up. But when treating TRD, it's often to medications that anti depressant and an atypical on top of it, Um, but not always. Anyway. I'm getting off. I'm getting into the weeds. What I really think you should do is see a therapist. Pretty please. With sugar on top. I think you're seeing someone will really, really helped change those thoughts. Also, look into the cheek swab, look into your medication history and consider, you know, maybe a different trial, because what they'll try to do once become TRD or medication resistant is, um, they'll try to get us to sign up for, like, E, C, T. And other more intensive treatments. And E. C. T. Is kind of like the same way. Look. At 51 fifties, it's a last resort it for many people. It messes with their memory, their short term memory. It's very barbaric and nature, um, it does have its benefits. I've had I have one patient, one patient in my years who did e. C. T. And it like, changed her life like she was super suicidal, and there was nothing we could do to help her like she was in treatment. I saw her when I worked in the meeting to start treatment center, super suicidal over and over and over all the time, constantly on suicide watch, um, and then e c t like they fixed it. I don't recommend it for everybody because that's one person out of I can't even tell you how many people have seen over the years, so those are kind of my ideas, and I hope that helps you move forward. Um, but you're looking into how long on medications and why and why they switched. And blah blah blah is really, really helpful. And I would also encourage you to see another psychiatrist to get another opinion. Um, get all that list of your medications. And when you started and stopped and then see somebody else so they can look it and be like, Oh, I wouldn't have done it that way or whatever. It was just nice to get a fresh set of eyes on it. Okay. Question number three. My first therapy session was supposed to be this week, but it was canceled because of the Corona virus. I know. I've been hearing that from a lot of you. I'm so sorry. I feel like I can't handle whole month and quarantine dealing with everything alone. Any tips for staying motivated so I don't waste all the time in bed feeling shitty? Totally fair. Um, first thing I would try to ask for and try to call that therapist and see if he'll do a Skype session or phone session or anything. I know it's not ideal. I know we'd prefer for it to be in person. Ask if you can fill out any of the paperwork ahead of time, you'll email it back. Um, there we have technology. Let's use it. There's no reason for you to not be able to see someone for an entire month. That just doesn't make any sense to me. I know it's ideal, but we're in this you guys for quite a few months, I believe. And so I really want you to get the support because it might be more than just one month. We're already two weeks in and schools are canceled for the year and things were pushed out towards May. And so I really just Yeah, see if they'll do that. And then I think the tips to answer the question itself, because that's really my answer is please call and make, like, be pushy. It's okay. It's okay to be pushy. It's okay to advocate for yourself. Who else is gonna do it? No one. Just you. So advocate herself asked for a session. Um and yes, we'll be uncomfortable, but we need that support right now and then Any tips for same motivated So I don't waste all the time in bed feeling shitty. I think the best thing we can do is keep a very small list of things to do each day. And I say small. Maybe it's 123 things, and these are things that we need to do every day. One of those things every day should be eat three meals. I know that sounds crazy, but I know a lot of you were either restricting during the day binge in at night or you're overeating all day or you're not eating it all and that when we feel shitty, that happens. And it's hard for us to regulate like our hunger fullness. Sorry, my year is eight units in my head heads. Um, it's hard, right? We're stressed out hunger. Full miscues will be off. Set a schedule for the food and make sure that you're eating food and taking kid because that's like part of that. I always talk on my channel about halt in in dialectical behavior therapy and D B T. We talk about how hungry, angry, lonely, tired, the first is hungry. Make sure that we're eating properly, feeding yourself so that we can, like, do the things we need to do. Okay, so that be one of my things. Another thing I put on the list, like at least twice a week, is shower. I say this all the time, but goddamn a shower can change your life. Honest, Honest to God, we can feel so more and then you shower and it's like your birthday New, even my grandma. Just the other day I was talking to my grandma cause I'm checking in on her a lot, cause she's home alone and I don't like that. And I worry about her. Um, she's healthy. She's happy. Don't worry. Um, she said, You know, it's a lot because she's 80. How old is my grandma? 83 I think 84. Thanks for 84 this year, anyway, she said yesterday, I had a really full day. Um, and she wasn't. It's kind of ridiculous. And I was like What do you mean? Graham, like, really full day? And she's like I was exhausted because I took a shower, which she said improved her mood so much. She's like, I swear I felt like a whole new woman. She wasn't it took a lot of energy. You know what? I really I want to really wash my hair. Good. And I wanted to shoot. I use this face scrub. She was doing her thing, gotten a good shower, cleaned herself up, and then she stripped her bed, washed her sheets and put fresh sheets on. And she said in a king bed, that's a lot for me. And she goes, I was tired after she did, Like she said, she took it in like chunks, like she put on the fitted sheet. Was she stripped it, put it in the wash. That was one thing, and she, like, had some lunch. Then she put so it took her a while. And she said that even though she was exhausted, she felt so good and getting into bed in a clean bed with a clean body, she said, I just felt so much better, and I just tell you that story because we feel so much better. Make some time to shower a couple times a week. I know every day isn't something that you know, maybe is attainable or something. We all strive for, but I'd shoot for at least twice a week. That's a good goal. So put that on the list and then also, I think we should have one thing that we do for ourselves not just based, because I think of like eating and showering those air, like taking care of basic needs one extra. So do I want to try to read two pages out of a new book that I have started or drawing a color for 20 minutes? Or don't want to start that new TV show. Have something little that you can do, Um, just to keep you going. And if you're wanting more specific cause, I'm not really sure if this person's wanting more like therapy specific things, you could just start Ah, waking up and telling yourself one thing you're grateful for. And then before you go to bed, do it again. That will help so much. And if you feel like journaling, you could do something like that if one attract your feelings. Those are all things you can do now to keep yourself feeling better. But I really think the motivation comes from just having a few things each day that we have to do and you can set weekly goals to, like, I want to shower twice this week. I would like to ah, do a load of laundry this week. I'd like to call to friends this week like we can set some relatively reasonable goals for ourselves. You all know your own limits and what you can do and not do. So I think that having those things will really just keep us in line, okay? And I also please push again. I said Say it. Please push that therapist to give you Skype phone some kind of session. You shouldn't have to wait. Okay, OK, more water and more questions. Okay. Question number four. Any advice for students who are still learning virtually in the pandemic and how to stay focused day today? Reading assignments, etcetera. Between the stress of the situation and distractions of living off campus, I'm finding it hard to find the motivation or energy to make it all the way through an assignment. I'm sure many other students are to 100%. There was a a mean that I shared on Instagram today, and it was so on point. I mean, it was about work. But school is work. It's the work when you're not in a career path yet, and Ah, it said something. Let me pull it up, you guys. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna do this because I really want you to I really want to read it as it is. So I'm gonna go in here. Here it is. Says you are not working from home. You are at home during a crisis tryingto work. I've heard this twice a day. I think it's an important distinction worth emphasizing. And I cannot agree enough because I think that, um, that we often feel like because we're home. We should just be up to normal. Like I've had that thought myself. To where I just like shit on myself immediately. Like I normally you could produce, you know, a whole video in a week. You could do all your research. You could write it and you could be done with it. Why aren't you doing that? Why can't you do that? You're being so lazy. Why do you want to sleep in? Why do you wanna watch TV by four o'clock? Why are you so tight? And I could just shit talk myself right into an oblivion. The truth about it is this isn't the same. We're not in the same emotional space. It feels very crazy. Our systems are overwhelmed all day long. So what I would encourage you to do to stay focused is to be more compassionate and lessen the amount of work that you expect yourself to do every day. I know you probably have deadlines and stuff. I'm pretty sure things they're flexible. But I would just encourage you to look at the deadline and then spread it thinly across your days because we need to have flexibility in their schedules and not to mention like normally, our brain can focus for 35 to 40 or 30 to 45 minutes at a time. I don't think that's the same. I think right now we're probably looking at, like 15 to 20 just because of the sheer amount of stress that were under. And so keep that in mind and break things up until, like, 15 20 minute increments throughout your day And give yourself breaks. Make sure you're sleeping enough. Make sure you're doing the halt like you're taking care your hunk you're feeding yourself. You're getting enough rest. You're connecting with others and then have also hard stop. Like if you know you work better in the evening instead of the morning. Then in the morning, do all your connections. Call that friend. You know, talk to your parent. If that's healthy for you, call your roommate that maybe you miss. Do those things connect with people. Um, get on a live stream chat in a Facebook group. Whatever helps you do that and then in the evening to your work or vice versa. Whatever works for you. Um, but then you have to have a hard out like if we work better in the evening, maybe we start work. Let's say like six o'clock. We need to be done by, like, nine. OK, that's that's fine. 34 hours a day. Right now, I feel like is a full day's work. If you think about it, if we can usually focus for 30 to 45 minutes and now we can do like 15 to 20 it's almost just half, just like half of what we could normally do. We can do now. So think of it that way um and I really love another thing for, like, staying focused and continued to work. I love to have lists and I love schedules. And so I would encourage you to either to use your Google calendar, which is what I do. And I just block out time like today. Right now, I was like, film and a k A. Cause hey, has to go out tomorrow, so I got to get that done. Put that in there, block that time out. So set up a little schedule. If you like to do by hand, you could make just like a grid and do like Monday through Friday and like what you need to do each day and then set your weekly goals at the bottom and just put little boxes. You can check in those boxes. Um, but I really think it's just making time for the brakes, and I know that sounds crazy, but we are not robots were we're worried about. People were worried about ourselves. Things are stressful. Ah, the news is overwhelming and were not able to do what we used to do. That's okay. In a way, I feel like not to be dramatic But in a way I feel like as a world, we've been traumatized and we're in this, like, Free State for a while. We're like, Oh, my God And then denial like that didn't happen. That's not really what's happening. Oh, my God. And then it was going to sink in that this is like, super stressful to our system. And we might have some hyper vigilance and some trauma responses. Give yourself some compassion. You're doing the best you can. But those air some ways to kind of structure your days, and I hope that that helps, Like, I really do think having some loose schedule of what you need to get accomplished, but just making sure that instead of thinking that you can do six hours a day, we're only going to three, and that's plenty. Okay, It's really hard, you guys, and I'm sorry. And if there's a day where you're like, Hey, I can't do it today then we move that stuff from that day into, like, one of our free days because we should have two free days a week. We shouldn't be doing stuff. Seven days. Okay. All right. Okay. Question number five. I'm currently in high school and want to pursue a psychology or therapy kind of profession. Amazing what would be the best types of classes that I could take in school or even out of school? Also, what colleges should I look at? Your videos are a big way that I am currently educating myself. Thank you so much for thank you for being such a positive source, of course, and that's you're so cool. I'm excited for you. So being in high school, I really think that the best thing you can do is just take whatever psychology course your high school offers until we get into college. I don't really think that we need to be taking a bunch of courses online or taking a lot of psychology classes. The buildup is important, and it's also really important for us to be open toe other careers. I'm not saying you're not gonna make a wonderful therapist and be the best. I'm just saying that I can't tell you how many of my friends thought there gonna be a therapist like me and are not like, like half. So be open to the idea that maybe there's other things I want you to get a full rounded, like, well rounded education. And so I think, in high school, like I just took a basic psychology class. If their arse classes in the psychology field with in high school that you find very fascinating. Take those courses. Be interested. Bi curious. That's when I'm excited to learn. Like one of my favorite classes in college was called social deviants. And it was a psych credit. Was technically a ah, sociology course, I believe. But it worked towards my, uh, you know, towards my units for my major. Um, and I I don't even know if it was a really hard class. I think I got, like, a b in it and worked my ass off for that. But you know what I mean? Um, but I loved the teacher. I loved the course itself in the information, and I was super engaged. So fine things that engage you that gets you excited, take a wide array of classes. Um, because you know, yes, that's what you think you want to be. But I want you to be open to other things because sometimes when we get caught into, I want to be this. I have to be this. And there's never another thing that we can possibly think weaken Dio We can miss out on something that could be super fulfilling. I mean, who would have thought that I'd be doing a YOUTUBE channel now a podcast? And that would be like what I spend so much of my time doing it would never I would never have believed you. I'd be like, what, me first ball didn't exist? Because I'm older than you. But you're in high school. How much older? The, um Anyways, I say all that just to stay open minded and then just be curious, cause man school I school is such a fun time. Okay, so then back to the other part of the question. Um, when you're in, uh, college, they'll have their certain courses. You have to get out of the way ahead of time. Like I had to take a psych one. A one course, and I think statistics. And then that opened the door to other courses that I had to take for my major. Once you you know, I don't know if you have to declare your major or not. Your school. We did, um, And then you work towards that. And then also what colleges should I look at? Colleges who have a great psychology program? I personally went to a liberal arts school. I went to Pepperdine University. Um, mainly because I wanted to get a well rounded education. I wanted to make sure that if I, um if I decided to change majors, I could do that, too. Like I wanted to learn about our history. I wanted to To learn. Um, I don't know, Uh, I want to do music. I was also, like a music minor at first. Like I was in choir all four years at Pepperdine. There's a lot. I had a lot of different interests, and I wanted to make sure that my education, um, supported that. But Pepperdine had a great psychology program, and it also had a graduate program. So if you want to stay within the same school, sometimes schools will give more money to their returning their alum from their undergrad to grad. So see if the school has a graduate program that has a psychology major and you know it. See if your undergrad has a grad school that has a masters or a PhD or whatever doctorate in psychology. And then you could just stay in that school if you want. Um, that's something to look into, and so, overall, my advice would be to find a college that feels good for you. I don't think there's any as long as they have a strong psychology program. There's a lot of universities that are available, and I really think the most important thing when we go to school is to feel good there to feel like we fit there. I know that sounds so woo or whatever, but I'll be honest, you guys. I applied to five colleges and I only got into four of them, maybe five. I don't remember to be honest things that you think you're gonna remember matter to. You don't really, um, But I went to. I went and visited all of them. I came down to California with my mom, went to every college, and there were three colleges that I liked. Out of those five, there were two that, like I got into him, was like, I don't want to go there after seeing them, um, and the three that I loved were scripts, which is, Ah, Claremont College School, pepper dine and little a merriment. And then it was all about just like budgeting and which ones were which one was the cheapest in Pepperdine who was actually the cheapest, and I got a scholarship. So I really think when you have to go to the college is first of all, find ones that have a psychology program. All those had great psychology programs. Um, then go and feel them out and see what you think, because you're gonna have to spend for four, maybe six years if you want to go if they have a graduate program and you can go right through, Um, but I really think it's more about you enjoying your college experience being at a school that has the classes you need, obviously, but that you just feel like it's filled with people just like you, that you you feel like you belong. And I know that sounds really silly, but it's very important. I can't emphasize that enough. I'm really glad that that I that I did that because if I would have gone to one of the other schools that, like for instance, one of the ones I didn't like and didn't fit for me. I had, like, a crazy scholarship. You guys, it would've cost me, like nothing to go. And my mom was so nice. I remember her, uh, turning to me and just saying if we if we'd been able to visit earlier, you would never have applied and she was right. I would never have applied. So why should I? I feel bad about the fact that I didn't take that scholarship. It was I just didn't like it. Didn't feel good to me that people were kind of weird. And it wasn't my type of thing, and I don't know, it just didn't feel right. So trust your gut final place. That feels right. But make sure it has a great psychology program, and you're gonna be great. Um, and I'm glad my videos are educating you. If you have anything that you're wanting me to do more about, just let me know. Um, but yeah. And really also Sorry. I'll wrap this up because, really, the final piece that I have is that ah, when we're in school, undergrad is important because our grades should be good so we can get into graduate school. But graduate school is really when we get to dive into psychology, like a lot like I definitely had, like, two or three psychology courses and undergrad per semester, So that's a lot of school. But you're doing all sorts of other things because you have to get your pre Rex. You have to. I was in choir. I was also in a sorority. There's a lot of things going on. And so I think that, you know, um, graduate schools, Really? When you get to kind of hone your craft of being a therapist, learning about it, learn about medication, how to talk to psychiatrist you're learning about actually actual therapy and how to practice that type of therapy. Um, that's really where you get to dig in. Um, I feel like grads are underground is just kind of like laying the foundation. So but you're gonna be great. Okay. Question Number six. What are ways to maintain connection and feeling safe in video therapy or telephone sessions? My therapist has switched to video sessions to practice social distancing, and I'm finding it really hard to feel connected and safe. I have a lot of ideas for this. There's a lot of things I've used with my own patients and things that I just, I really think could help honestly, any of us who were doing things from afar and the first is, and this might not be possible, but something that I, um I've done with a few of my patients, especially my patients who struggle with attachment, um, is transitional objects. So, like when they graduate from therapy or when they go into treatment and it will come out and see me later, I give them something to take with them and something small. Sometimes we'll even have them bring something in, and then I can, like, personalize it, and then they can take it with, um Ah, for example, it could be a little trinket from my office, like I have a lot of random stuff in my office. You guys like everything from paintings to sculptures, too. I also share it with another psych psychologist, so she has a bunch of things, too, and like there's all sorts of goodies, all sorts of things, that air mind some of that or hers. I've sent one of my patients to treatment with one of my paperweights. It's like gotta Ah, it's got, like flowers and colors swirled into. It's really kind of cool looking. Anyway, I've done that. So transitional objects or things like that. If your therapist is open to it, maybe they'll send you something to your house. They can, like, ship it to you, and that could be your transitional object that can help. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes it just helps to have a little piece of that with us. Then the next is we can set up a place where we always do the sessions, just like we go to their office. We should have a place in our house where we always do the sessions. So maybe that's we sit in this certain seat on part of the couch or we maybe we need privacy. So we, like, shut ourselves into, um, our closet or a room, and we sit in this certain spot and we do the session there, make sure that you have a certain space, create that space, make that space feel safe, secure and like a holding environment for you so that you feel safe to talk about what you need to talk about. Okay? And then another thing that we can do is you can have, like, routine or rituals around it. So if normally, um like, for instance, when I go to see my therapist because she's down closer to the water, there's this coffee shop and, um, donut shop like nearby. And so most of the time we'll go grab a coffee, and then I'll bring that with me or, if I need a snack, will get, you know, a doughnut or some kind of sandwich or something. And then I eat that kind of waiting in the waiting room. I have my coffee and I bring it in, and I also bring a water bottle. I know I bring a lot of shit. It's just me. That's how I do it. So find some things. So maybe that means if you're home, maybe you you have a granola bar cause you always had a granola bar for and you make a coffee or you bring your water or you have certain things you do. Maybe because it's a different space and we're home and maybe the timing's off. Maybe coffee is not appropriate. Maybe instead, we like we wash our face, We change our clothes and we get ready for therapy. Whatever it is, do some things that start to help you get in the zone for it, Like in the same way we would normally go into session. We have these certain rituals or routines leading up to our phone sessions or Skype sessions or whatever, so that they feel just as safe and beneficial. And I know it's really hard, but, um, I think the train, if she could send you something, that'd be great, especially because you said maintaining connection, that's really helped a lot of my patients is just having those little things. And trust me, every therapist has a lot of those little trinkets, even one of my professors in school. She's actually the one that I share an office with. Now, um, she gave us all when we finished the course. She talked about transitional objects, and then when we we finished her course, I wanna know it was when we graduated or was this semester before. But she gave us all transitional objects and I still have mine. It's a little black plastic horse and he sits on my desk at home. Um, and every time I see it, I think of her. And I remember that class and so even, um, as therapists of a therapist is listening, you could just buy a bunch of little things like that, Like little plastic toys that normally for kids. Kind of like G I. Joe size. That's how big my little horses, um, and those are things you can send out to patients as transitional objects. I think it's nice for us to have something to take with us. Um, but yeah, even my patients always put blankets over their legs when they sit. And so if you make sure you do that at home like, try to create recreate a safest, like the safest space that you can Okay, question number seven. How we're flying through these, I feel like what time is it? Okay. Ah. Says I would love to hear what self care looks like for you as a therapist. How you keep work, um, work life at work. And what do you do to decompress, or how do you know it's time to see your own therapist? What energizes you et cetera, it varies a lot. Um, the thing that is interesting about being a therapist is I truly feel like some of us are, for lack of sounding like woo kind like called to do it like I think I'm made to be a therapist or something like this because I rarely like on the rarest of occasion will bring work home from my office. I do not have a tough time with the boundaries between it. And I know a lot of people are like, How do you know? Because this is my most common question I get. Whenever I'm out at a party and someone learns I'm a therapist, how do you not get so bogged down and depressed with everyone's issues? And I'm like, I just don't I mean, even my view, even the way they said that I would never say it that way. The way that I think about it is isn't it awesome that they they had the wherewithal and the chutzpah, or whatever you wanna call it to reach out for help and two fit into their budget and to make time to come see me and then do the work like how fucking awesome is that? Oh, that's amazing. And so I always think of it in that way. Like I don't feel bad for my patients. Yeah, shitty stuff has happened, and I've heard some really horrific stories and always think a man, I wish I hadn't happened to you. That's terrible. But they're they're getting help. And that's amazing. And I get to help empower people. And so I've always thought about it that way. Like I don't get bogged down with their their people's quote unquote depressive stories. I think it's great that they're coming to see me and that they're getting helping assistance. That's all, period. And so then, when it comes to, like school and liar school, sorry, because I just talked about college a minute ago between work and life. I don't bring like any of my work home. I do read certain things in like research for patients, which, I guess you could say, is like maybe reaching that boundary a little. But that's just that I enjoy it and I want I want to do my best for them, Um and so I really I think healthy boundaries are important. That's my number one is like I don't, uh I have my journal club we call Journal Club. It's really just like Pierre's getting together to talk about cases. I have that every month, and that really helps me like compartmentalize. I also have, like, other friends in the space that I can call for consultation when I'm struggling, Um, and so I do all of that have a lot of support. A lot of people around me that I can talk to about what I do, Um, in a very ethical and legal manner, Um, and so that's really important to myself. Care and then also. I mean, right now we're kind of in isolation, which sucks. But my social life is very important to me. I I don't have a lot of friends. I have a few very close friends, and that's really important to me. Um and so I make time to talk with them and make time to connect. I text with them, I call them, I go see them. We mean, when we weren't on isolation, go get lunch. I make time for lunch is in the week in the week days, you know, got to get out of my house. I'm gonna go have coffee with so and so we're gonna go walking or I'm gonna go grab, you know, And so I make sure that I make time for that because that's really important. I call my mom almost every day. She's a huge sense, like a huge source of support for me. Um, I also do yoga. I make sure to take care of my physical body, um, so that I can so that I feel good. Ah, this sounds silly because I do not believe and not that I'm weighing in on anyone else's life because of this is not with us is. But Casey Neistat goes running every morning, right? And I think it's a little It's a little extremist, little and healthy in my mind. I don't know him that well, so that's not even fair. But I remember well, he and I were e mailing back and forth. This is like years ago, talking about a potential project, and he he had said like Oh, I can't talk during those hours. That's when I go running, and that's non negotiable. And I was like, Huh? And after he said, because I I would struggle to say that like, Oh, that's when I would normally go to yoga and that's not negotiable. But then he said in the email, He's like, I don't negotiate on things that helped me be me And if I don't run, I'm not my best self And I was like, I don't think he realized what impact that had on me But I was like, Wow, like I don't need to feel bad side this guilt about self care I don't know if anybody feels this way, But for me, self care isn't like spending a lot of money. It's usually just like time to myself. And I would feel guilty like I should be working. I should be researching more. People are creating so much more stuff than me. I'm such I'm just not keeping up. Remember around negative negative negative self talk. Um, And when I got that evil from him, I was like, Amen. Hell to the Yeah, I'm not gonna feel bad about Take the brakes when I need to. It's non negotiable. It was awesome. So I do a whole bunch of different things. I also well, sometimes like when I have to work on a weekend, which doesn't happen all the time, But with this cove in 19 my schedules all over the place, you guys. And so sometimes I'll just tell Shawn, unlike don't wake me up if you get up early, I'm just gonna sleep till my body wakes me. I don't I'm not gonna do anything today. I'm gonna do whatever I want. Some of it is work, like sometimes I do get energized by working on a video. Like, right now, I'm working a video about dealing with isolation, because hello. Um, and I'm finding it very interesting. Hopeful for me. Um, but I take days off when I just I'm not on. I don't need to do anything. Why? You know. And so I think a lot of us just balance. It's a lot of balance. It's It's always an influx. I'm always finding new ways to take care of myself. I used to, um, when we weren't isolated, I used to try to get massages every so often, get my nails done. Those are things that do cost money. But that was kind of part of myself care. It's like it's this holistic approach, right? I eat Well, um, I don't I'm not on a diet. Don't ever think that eat well, means anything that that means Eat when I'm hungry. Stop When I'm full. I'm very intuitive. Um, so I eat Well, I make sure I get at least eight hours of sleep every night. Usually nine is what I strive for cause I operate best that way. Um, I have a lot of social support because that's just how I am. Um, And I also, uh, you know, I'm very strict on boundaries around work in life, and I make sure I get at least two days off a week, and I am working on letting go of the guilt with taking breaks. I know that sounds silly, but that's just me. That's maybe an honest um, so, yeah, it just changes. And what energizes me? That's kind of the last part of it. Oh, and how do I know it's time to see my own therapist? Um, when I want to cry all the time, like even right now is like, maybe I should try to do a phone session or something, because it's been so stressful, and I was doing fine before this But then this Just who who? Um, But for me, it's when I'm tearful or irritable a lot. And technically, right now, I'm not, like, quite there. But I know myself that like it's probably best if I just nip it in the bud now. Um, so that's how I know. And then also, what energizes me? There's quite a few things I love mindlessly walking. I'd like to go on walks. I'm not doing it now because our I live in a pretty like It's a pretty tightly packed place. You know, we have a lot. It's like a I know people aren't out, but I don't want to put anyone else in danger or, you know, put myself in danger. I don't have to walk right now, but I usually like toe aimlessly. Wander, wander into stores. It's not a walk for exercise. It's a walk for mental health. Like just to relax my brain. Um, I love that I love true connection with my friends. When there's no I'm not watching the clock. I don't feel like oh, I got to get back into something when I have time. So I make time for people and then also, um, reading and watching other creative's. I know this sounds weird, but it doesn't have to be someone in the therapy room like I love Bernie Brown and I love her books. Um, and I'm reading one right now. Um, however, I enjoy watching. Like, my friend Caleb does the fitness marshall. And I love watching his his videos of him working out and also his logs of him and his life. And he has a new podcast. Um, with a Hayley who's one of his backup booties is called coffee with my ex. I just love engaging with other people's content because, as a creator, it I find it super like a breath in. I love going to, um, you know, toe live music shows I love going to. I used to love I haven't done this in a while, but I used to go toe love to goto. Um, what would you even call them? It's like, uh, gallery openings, but it be like it's not really the gallery's opening. It's more just like they had an artist in there and you'd go in like see the works and get tau talk to the artist I used to love that stuff. And I think part of it is like because I'm creating things I like to be connected with, other people creating things. It doesn't have to be just a therapist or just a Not just I don't mean that till I put that down. I mean, uh, it doesn't have to be just what I d'oh. It could be any way of creating, and I find that to be super energizing. Um, yeah, so I'm rambling. But that's just some of the ways that I take care of myself in some of the things that really energize and fill me up. Okay, Question number eight. Do you think it's possible to get better on your own without any professional help whatsoever? Sorry. Get I'm getting a drink. I don't even know if I have a mental illness because I've never reached out for help because I strongly believe my problems are my problems, and I should be able to sort them out of my own without having to bother anyone else is trying to get better a waste of time. If you're just doing it alone, I mean, we can work on ourselves. I don't wantto like, just push that off and be like, No, you can't do it on your own because we can better ourselves. Like I'm I've been in therapy often on forever, and so I'm acutely aware of my own shit, and I call myself on my own shit sometimes. But a therapist is great because they'll call me on the ship that I am not even aware of because of. I'm just, like, so focused on something else. And so not to mention that a therapist and getting actual professional help because there was a question last week about somebody saying, like, How come you can't tear pies yourself? And I was like, Cause I can't because that's not how it works. Um, And so with regard to this, I think the reason that we need that professional help is because even if I know something's bad, let's say I know I was traumatized. How am I gonna push myself to talk about it in process and how am I gonna know when it's all better? I might not even have the knowledge to understand that, but even if I do as as a therapist, I know that I'm not going to challenge myself or be ableto ask myself the right questions. I'm too, innit? I'm involved. I can't see out. It's so nice to get that outside perspective. And it's so important to our recovery, um, and our own, you know, support. And I don't even think that you have to be sick and have a a diagnosable mental illness to see someone. We should all see someone. We go in and get physicals every year to check up on her body. And we go see a doctor if you don't quite feel right. If we've been sick for a while yet mentally weaken, be struggling for years and not see someone go sees, I want, I promise we're not scary. And so I really think that we will make the most progress if we actually see a professional. It's not a waste of time to work on ourselves because the thing that I think a lot of people forget is when you see a professional, that doesn't mean you don't do work on your own. It actually just means that you're doing both because we can work on her own. But you'll be surprised when you hit those roadblocks like, cannot pass. You'll have, like a limit to what you can do on your own. And then the therapist or other mental professional takes you past that blocker all the way to where you want Toby to that goal. And so there are things you can do on your own. I don't think it's a waste of time. However, I do believe that you should see someone because, um, it's really helpful to get outside perspective and to get some insight and tools and techniques that you probably don't know anything about or don't know how to apply them directly to you. Um, and you're not gonna bother anyone else. I I enjoyed how how this person said, like, you know, without having to bother any whales. You don't bother a therapist that we get into our career path and our job to do this because we love it. We love helping people. We love being supportive and and guiding you into a better version of you. Um, so there's there's no bother. Okay, Question Number nine. I would like to hear more about self compassion. What are the techniques? Self compassion is something that we all need more of. And that's why I talk at length ad nauseum. If you want to say about positive self talk now, I know if we just wake up today and all of a sudden you're like, I'm beautiful mommies and everybody loves me. This is so cool. We're not gonna believe it. That's bullshit. Our brains like Lance. Not true. I haven't heard this thought before, ever, and it ignores it. So we have to track those negative ones. Pay attention. What do you say to yourself? What do you allowing your brain to say and absorbing it as fact? What are those things? Right down, you know, five. Because I know we have, like, hundreds. So let's like 5 10 at the most. And then I want you to start using watch my video on bridge statements because I want you to bridge that nasty, shitty, unhealthy, unhelpful thought bridge over into a more positive one. And remember, bridge statements are things like possibly maybe it could be. I could maybe be wrong. This is possible. You know, we have to live in that In between that gray area, it's not good or bad. All or nothing. We're kind of in the, Maybe I'd be open to it. It is possible that I could be like 2% wrong about that. I'm not really sure, But maybe we have to live in that. That's where the healing begins. That's where we start bridging from these negative, worthless. I'm a loser. Nobody loves me. All those nasty, shitty thoughts we start moving our way over into. I am lovable. I am worthy and I am strong or whatever, whatever the positive against the negative would be, um, and so I really think that that's where self compassion is born. And also a great check in while we're doing that work, cause that's like a new muscle, right? We're building a new muscle. We're trying that out. It's really hard. Um, I think the way to check in regularly is when you have those thoughts and you write them down. Just think. Would I say that to someone else? What if somebody walked up to me a stranger and said that to my face? How would I feel about that? Why am I allowing myself to talk to me that way? And so just checking in with that can give you kind of like that slap in the face that we sometimes need to notice when we're talking really unhelpfully to ourselves. Okay. Yeah. And it it takes time. Um, but the positive self talk is a great technique tracking those thoughts in general and checking in. Would you say that to someone? Someone walked up to you and said it Would you tolerate that? And then the last little tip or technique that offer is like checking the facts. You know, I said, Like, we believe all these thoughts to be true without any, uh, evidence to support it. We need to look for evidence that doesn't support it or just like, even just with checking the facts I get the thought is I'm unlovable. I would look out and be like, Well, my mom says she loves me. And I talked to her every day, and she's She's very kind. And I believe her. Sean says he loves me. He loves you so much. He married me. We've been together 11 years or something. Um, I would be 12 years. You guys this June. Anyway, so we've been married for six. It'll be seven. The still you know, those air Those are things that I have. I have a really my close friend Joe. She's super sweet and I know she loves me and she's told me I believe her. I'm looking for facts. I'm looking for evidence and you know what? It supports the fact that I am lovable, not unlovable. Um, so do those things. Give yourself time. It's a process, not perfection. I feel like I haven't said that in a while, but it's the truth. It's a process, not perfection. We have to move one little step at a time. If we slip back into those old unhealthy thoughts, not all is lost. Don't for think you're back at square one because you're not used the tools that got you to where you were, and you'll be right back on your feet. Um, but I would just just takes its a new muscle. We gotta work it. Okay. Question number 10. I'm wondering about how to prepare and deal with video call sessions with my therapist. I got a lot of questions like these, you guys, it makes me so anxious. Like in real life, I have the tendency to get scared and not say what's on my mind. What if the calling makes me even more afraid because I get so overwhelmed kind of back to what my previous answer was. I really think it's important for those of us who are out of our routine to create routines at home and rituals around these sessions. Um, like I said, we need to. It's like we wash our face and change our clothes and go to therapy. I'm using air quotes. If you're just listening, go to therapy and we go to that spot in the house where we have privacy and we feel good about it and we sit and we have our session. If that means you make coffee and we take it with us, we need to do that. And then with this. So all the things that I said before apply to this. However, I want to add this one in because they're talking about anxiety and being so overwhelmed. We need to find ways to soothe our system. And I've talked about that kind of like in the videos on my Katie Morton channel about dealing with the anxieties of Cove it, and then also even a live stream and then the next video was one about, like managing panic like seven tips for Managing Panic. And I really think we need to find ways to soothe our system. That could be, you know, uh, tightening and releasing the muscles in our neck and shoulders and in our draw in letting because those muscles air tightened when we're in this stress response. No, they're involved in the stress response, I should say, And so we need to take time to relax them. We need to do those things. Help calm us down leading up to that session. If the sessions causes a lot of anxiety, maybe we have to do our four by four breathing. We do some of our yoga stretches and then we go to therapy. So that ritual should include things that help calm your anxiety down. And my guess would be that the biggest and most helpful tip would be thought stopping. I think everybody needs to do some thoughts on it right now because we're spiraling into a pit of despair and we don't need thio, so I would encourage you to remember, like, whenever you feel this happening, walk yourself through your favorite vacation your favorite memory or make one up. Tell me a story about you and your best friend and what you're going to do in the trips you're gonna take in as much detail as possible using all five senses. I want you to do one of those things that we can stop those thoughts from spiraling and we can stay focused on the present. And we can get out of that, like, worry cycle. Um, but it does get better, stick with it. And I'm glad that you're able to do the video call sessions. Um, and you can even talk about it in your session. I think it's a 100% okay to bring up the fact that this is awkward and it feels weird and you don't know if you like it and then talk about that. And I felt more anxious than normal. I'm not sure why a therapist job is to kind of ask questions, help us better understand our process. So ask those questions. Okay. Final question. Question number 11. Can attachment styles change over time, and if so, can it be done in a way to improve our mental health? I really like this because first of all, of course, our attachment styles can change. Let's say we were raised in not a very healthy environment. Therefore, we have, like a disorganized style of attachment. If we work in therapy to heal ourselves, we can go back to having a secure attachment. I think a lot of people and I It was a great question cause I never thought about the fact that we assume attachment has to happen. When were a kid and yes, our earliest the first year of her life. We have were, like, open for attachment, and our parent has to commonly cry and and do all the things that apparent should do. A good parent should do so that we can foster and cultivate that healthy and secure attachment. However, if we didn't get that, that doesn't mean that we can't create that later. We can't heal and craft secure attachment. Um, I've had a lot of patients come out of icky situations from their childhood to have whole like healthy, happy relationships with regular secure attachment. So if we work on ourselves, we can. It can definitely change, and it can also switch from one unhealthy attachment style to another. You know which, like, it can go from being, Ah, because the four types of attachment you don't know our secure, insecure, avoidant, insecure, ambivalent and disorganized Just f y i and then some reading my notes because I made some notes on this one because I wanted to make sure I didn't leave anything out. But it could also switch from one unhealthy attachment. Sell to another, um, which, if you think about it, is actually more of, like the disorganized type of attachment. But we can definitely toggle between the unhealthy ones. Um, I think it's kind of like Howard coping in that moment or with that certain person or a certain relationship or situation. Um, but yeah, I think that's really it. And if so, could it be done in a way to Yeah, I think if we do work on ourselves, the attachment falcon change to improve our mental health overall because we'll stop feeling that, like, push, pull. Oh, that. All that anxiety, um, will slowly go away because we'll have better ways to manage and healthier ways to manage it. Okay, um, thank you so much for watching and listening. Um I hope that this is helpful. I know that these podcasts, they're kind of different cause they're all over the place with a bunch of different questions. But I really enjoy being able to take the time to answer more questions and also to get to hear from you, like what you want to hear more of and what you are wondering about our worrying about. Um and I'm just happy I could be a resource. Stay safe. You guys stay home. Take care of yourselves. Okay. Uh, you know what is it? What do they call it? Shelter in place. I don't want to put anybody else in danger. The sooner we all shelter in place, the sooner we can get this under control. Um, I love you all. And I will see you next time by E. Asked her about your therapist or vent about your work. You can ask her about your self esteem or why your feelings hurt. You can ask her why break ups suck or why you hit a plateau, enquire all questions you boys wanted Thio, Katie. Anything