Ask Kati Anything!

ep #6 - Highly Sensitive People, Intrusive Thoughts, Toxic Family... Ask Kati Anything!

April 15, 2020 Kati Morton Season 1 Episode 6
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #6 - Highly Sensitive People, Intrusive Thoughts, Toxic Family... Ask Kati Anything!
Chapters
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #6 - Highly Sensitive People, Intrusive Thoughts, Toxic Family... Ask Kati Anything!
Apr 15, 2020 Season 1 Episode 6
Kati Morton

Audience questions:

1. Hi Kati! When I talk about my parents/ my childhood, I’m constantly worried I’m making things up / remembering it wrong / not being objective. How do you deal with this? How can you help someone understand their childhood when all you have is some blurred memories from only the patient’s perspective? Thanks and take care x

2. How to cope with being a highly sensitive person, especially when someone's just discovered it, within the last week or so. Also, how to think positively about it, if the discovery is causing grief.

3. How does a therapist find giving online therapy? You’ve talked about how we might find it, but if you are doing this during the lockdown, what’s it like for you?

4. How to deal with self-harm intrusive thoughts during quarantine? Being constantly at home and not working is making my intrusive thoughts more loud and persistent, which often drags me to anxiety attacks. Any tips on how to calm this down?

5. How to deal with your trauma when you feel like it's all out in the open because you were triggered and started talking about it in therapy, but now therapy is on hold because of corona... It feels like this wound is cut open and no one to help me close it because it's not physical, and not Corona related, so not urgent.

6. How to deal with toxic family/people I live with at this time? Not sure if you've answered this before

7. The more isolated I am, the less I want company. Since quarantine started I even stopped talking to people on social media. Why and how to fix it?

8. Mental health-related: Would it be treating you depression to quit things? I used to love gymnastics but lately, I don’t. Should I quit since I don’t enjoy it and it’s kinda stressing me out or should I continue because I used to love it and probably still do besides my depression? I have always wondered how anxiety and depression can be related. I mean I believe it’s true, I have been diagnosed with both, but anxiety makes me worry about everything and depression makes me not care about anything. That kinda contrasts feelings and I’m super confused about it. Not mental health-related: If you were not a therapist what would you like to be? What are some of your hobbies? And what were your hobbies when you were young?

9. How do you find a fitting therapist? Like how do you determine, if you want to see a man or women, older or younger, etc. - and how to distinguish between what you want and what you 'should'.....

Watch this episode on YouTube HERE

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!

JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday I post a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself! https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join

MY BOOK
Are u ok?
http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

My Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

BUSINESS EMAIL
 [email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403<

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

Show Notes Transcript

Audience questions:

1. Hi Kati! When I talk about my parents/ my childhood, I’m constantly worried I’m making things up / remembering it wrong / not being objective. How do you deal with this? How can you help someone understand their childhood when all you have is some blurred memories from only the patient’s perspective? Thanks and take care x

2. How to cope with being a highly sensitive person, especially when someone's just discovered it, within the last week or so. Also, how to think positively about it, if the discovery is causing grief.

3. How does a therapist find giving online therapy? You’ve talked about how we might find it, but if you are doing this during the lockdown, what’s it like for you?

4. How to deal with self-harm intrusive thoughts during quarantine? Being constantly at home and not working is making my intrusive thoughts more loud and persistent, which often drags me to anxiety attacks. Any tips on how to calm this down?

5. How to deal with your trauma when you feel like it's all out in the open because you were triggered and started talking about it in therapy, but now therapy is on hold because of corona... It feels like this wound is cut open and no one to help me close it because it's not physical, and not Corona related, so not urgent.

6. How to deal with toxic family/people I live with at this time? Not sure if you've answered this before

7. The more isolated I am, the less I want company. Since quarantine started I even stopped talking to people on social media. Why and how to fix it?

8. Mental health-related: Would it be treating you depression to quit things? I used to love gymnastics but lately, I don’t. Should I quit since I don’t enjoy it and it’s kinda stressing me out or should I continue because I used to love it and probably still do besides my depression? I have always wondered how anxiety and depression can be related. I mean I believe it’s true, I have been diagnosed with both, but anxiety makes me worry about everything and depression makes me not care about anything. That kinda contrasts feelings and I’m super confused about it. Not mental health-related: If you were not a therapist what would you like to be? What are some of your hobbies? And what were your hobbies when you were young?

9. How do you find a fitting therapist? Like how do you determine, if you want to see a man or women, older or younger, etc. - and how to distinguish between what you want and what you 'should'.....

Watch this episode on YouTube HERE

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!

JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday I post a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself! https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join

MY BOOK
Are u ok?
http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

My Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

BUSINESS EMAIL
 [email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403<

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

speaker 0:   0:00
ask her why break ups suck or why you hit a plateau, enquire all questions you boys want. Katie. Hey, everybody, we are back. We have more questions. So many questions, endless amounts of questions. Which is kind of funny, because I remember when I first started the YouTube channel, um, Sean and I were talking. He would really want me to do it. It was really his idea. I can't take credit for it all. And I remember telling him like, But I'm gonna run out of things to say, I don't know what How much can you really talk about? And I laugh thinking back on that at his laugh now because I'm like, Oh, my God, Like even if you've already talked about something, that doesn't mean there's not more to talk about. It's like the thoughts and ideas and questions are endless, endless, endless possibilities. Um, yeah, And if I know a lot of you like the song at the beginning, It's my friend, Jules Burchett. Ah, she has a YouTube channel. She just does her music. I don't know how often she actually post. I should ask her. Um, but unfortunately, I've been able to see her recently because of the core into ng. Um, but anyway, yeah, that's who that is. And she made that little ditty for me. Um, and something that I noticed last time when I was doing the podcast. Honestly, the last, like, four times. I think this is what Episode number five, um, is that I I talked really fast, and I feel I have to get through a lot of things, and I think my goal And you let me know in the comments if you agree. But I think my goal for for, like, hero now, as I learn more about podcasting, um, my goal would be to do to take my time with things and not feel so rushed. Yes, I know we want to get questions answered. Um, but I really would like this to be a place for more thoughtful conversation versus just, like, you know, cranking through the questions. And I did pull too. So you're aware? Sorry. I'm yawning because it's me talking too much. Has nothing do with you? You're doing great. Don't worry. Um, I'd pull. I pulled a 12 questions, so we'll see if we get through the mall. um, but I'm not gonna feel like I have to rush to do it. Um, anyway, and you're quick check in of things have been OK here for Sean and I were just staying home. Were sheltering in place like we should be. Ah. I've heard that we have at least at least one more month of this going. Ah, for you know, I don't know. We'll see. Then they'll reassess. Um, but businesses can't open. I don't think till, like, may 21st on a central businesses, So we have a whole nother month. Um, but one day at a time. Am I right? Okay. Without further ado, let's get in. Oh, and if you're wondering where I get these questions because I know a lot more like, hey, they want to leave questions in the comments below the videos, and I'll do my best to to make sure to try to see those. But the way is the way that I actually asked him is on the Katie Morton YouTube channel under the community tab. I let you know that I'm in a film. Another episode of a K. And I asked for your questions there and then I'll pull from those for a couple of weeks, and then I'll ask again. So make sure you have your notifications turned on over on that channel. Um, if any of you are thinking cause I got in some comments, they're like, Oh, I miss your old videos. This is a podcast is totally different for those You listening? You already know that. You know, this is a pockets, but this is not the Katie more on channel. This is a podcast that I'm doing so different. Um, so those videos do still exist? I released some every Monday. Um, okay, let's get into the first question. A question number one. Hi, Katie. When I talk about my parents slash my childhood, I'm constantly worried. I'm making things up, remembering it wrong or not being objective. How do you deal with this? How can you help someone understand their childhood when all they have is some blurred memories from Onley? The patient's perspective. Thanks and take care. I think the thing about this this question is really interesting to me. I got a ton of sums ups and people really want to talk about it. Um, we all not We all, but it's super super common to feel this way. So many of my patients think that they're making up their abuse. Ah, that they're just remembering things wrong. Or maybe I think, Ah, a lot of us can worry that we're creating false memories. I know that there was a lot of chatter on that, like a long, long time ago about therapy and how therapists can put memories in your head and make you think that they, yes, that can happen. Therapists can be persuasive. That's like a shitty therapist, you know, And like normally, a good therapist wouldn't do that kind of thing. And so finding out, Um, obviously making sure that your scenes when you're connecting with they're not pushing you to remember things. They're not trying to tell you what they think you've remembered or feed you information like, Oh, but you told me last time it was like dark. So do you remember being in that dark place like Don't? That's not how therapy is. That's not how that works. Um and so be very cognizant of that. However, when it comes to this, any of our memories, like I tried to think about my childhood memories and things, and it's not that clear because it happened a long time ago. But the thing that is always clear are the ways that I felt about things people, situations, like, did I enjoy? I'm just making something up. You guys here. But, like, let's say I played T ball, which I did, and I remember just feeling really nervous and not really liking it. I might not remember specifics, but I remember a feeling and so encouraged to tap into the feelings, Um, and to tap into what you do remember, I think any good therapists the way that I manage is with my patients is I let them tell me the story as much as they can. And I ask questions to see if they can answer and I try to focus. And if there isn't a lot of um Ooh, sorry, hit that thing. I don't know. I'm apologizing to you, but that scared me because I hit my mike stand. Um, because I talked with my hands and I can't help it, Um, but something that I tried to have my patients do is if there aren't a lot of visual memories like I don't remember. Ah, where we were going or what car we were driving or what I was wearing or what? My brother, You know any of those things? Then we take what we can and we try to remember the feeling and that really tries to pull us out of that. Like I'm making this up. Maybe this is a valid. Maybe I'm not being fair and I'm not gonna lie. Memories aren't fair, unfair. Our feelings about things aren't fair, Unfair? They just are that that they are what they are. It's like those of the facts. And I know that that could be really hard. And we can try it. Weaken worry that we're, I don't know, but to not be objective. I don't know why that really, like stuck with me when I was reading this. And I'm like, not being objective like it's your memory. You get to tell it how you want to tell you. You get to talk about it the way you want to talk about it, and there's no judgment and therapy. I don't expect you to be able to say like Well, you know, But if I think about it. At that time, my parents were having a tough time in their marriage. So maybe that's why my dad was such an asshole. No, I don't give two shits about what they're going through. Their parents get it together. You decide to have Children. You should be a good parent. You should be present. You shouldn't bring your shit into relation with your kids. Spoilers. Um however, don't worry about remembering it wrong being objective. Just start talking about it. I just ask a bunch of questions. I'm very curious. Um, I tried to string memories together like, Oh, do you think that happened before? After this? Do you remember? So you said you went on a trip. Do you remember any other vacations? Like I just try to kind of plot them along. Um, and the more we think about it, and the more we trigger those feelings, the more memories will be revealed. Um, but at the very least, I don't actually care if you remember anything, as long as you have, like, a feeling or something that you're going to work on with regard to that. That's where we start. That's really what therapy's about is like healing wounds in our past Selves or current Selves and possibly both Selves, um, and moving forward because I don't think that I think there's a lot of judgment in this question, a judgment about remembering it wrong, making things up, not being objective. I would encourage you to change the way you talked yourself about therapy and your memory. You're doing the best you can. I have spotty memory, and I didn't even have, like, a traumatic upbringing like I I'm sure there's little tease in my life like everybody has little tease in their life. Um oh, and I realized maybe something you don't know what I mean by that. But a big T we call traumas like teas and a big T could be like, Oh, I was in a big car crash, Let's say or it was, you know, physically abused for 10 years or something. Um, but then you could have a lot of little tease like, Oh, we moved around a lot. And, um, so I had trouble adjusting at school. And, um, you know, everyone. So when my dad would get angry, wouldn't do anything, but he would shout and I would feel scared. So there are these, like, little tease that can build up and give us the same. I believe PTSD like response. Um and so anyways, I say all of that to to say that like, it doesn't really matter. We're not judging or ranking anything. It's just important that you keep talking about it. Um, and I think that's really how you deal with it. Just keep talking about talk about your worries about this and then changing the way you talk to yourself, so that when we're talking about therapy and our process, it's more of the I'm doing my best. I'm just trying to learn about myself in my situation. We just have to be a little bit more kind and compassionate as we feel our way through it, because trust me, it's hard for all of us memories, especially if you had any traumas. We can have complete blackout moments. I can tell you how many viewers and patients alike have told me like, Oh, I don't remember anything from the age of 6 to 12 or something, you know, or 4 to 11 or there's all these different chunks of time that we could have lost. And so that doesn't mean that we don't have those memories. They're just, like, repressed and held in a trauma narrative. So we have to clear that out and keep talking about it. And, yeah, so I think that's really it. Hope that that helps. I know it's hard, but just the judgment's not helping in the more we talk about it, the better I'll get okay, And I hope all of you are doing okay with everything that's going on. I know that with the stress of the Corona virus and the like physical isolation, you know, we have to like I think we can still socially engaged. But we have to be physically distant. Um, I know that it could be really hard, and I hope that, you know, you have our community. We have a ton of people who are going through the same thing. The thing that is kind of cool about this and cool. I mean, in like, a terrible way. Like, you know, people describe things being awesome, like it was an awesome disaster, not meaning it was good. Awesome doesn't mean good. It just means like Oh my God, it was a lot. This is like a worldwide pandemic. It's crazy. It's a wild, awesome thing. Um and so I really like the cool thing about all of this is that everybody in the world understands everybody in the world is in it together, and hopefully that just helps us be reminded how connected we are and lean into that connection. But anyway, I just hope you're doing okay, man. The young Oh, it's cause I'm talking too much Question number two. How to cope with being, ah, highly sensitive person, Especially when someone's just discovered it within the last week or so Also, how do you think positively about it? If the discovery is causing grief? I have a video all about the highly sensitive person, and I really think I don't know if you guys remember, um, but Carly and Allie even made hats. The ice half mine. I should I should have worn it. Have been funny, Um, but it's empathic badass, and I feel like empathy. Being empathic or highly sensitive is like a special skill. It's like a superhero skill. Um, and so our superpower, I guess how I should have said it. And so I think in some ways, leaning into the positive. It's okay to feel how you feel. It's okay to grieve. If you find this upsetting, I find myself more like I read that book about the highly sensitive person I know. If you guys remember before I did that video and I definitely it wasn't 100% like Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do all those things, But a lot of that I was like, Oh, my God, yeah, I totally do that. So I'm not saying I am a highly sensitive person, but based on my own brief encounter with the, you know, research on it, I think that I definitely fall into that bucket. Um, but I tried to frame it in a way that's positive. It's all about like how we frame things, how we talk to ourselves about it. And I didn't I? I don't I think that it's a bad thing to be highly sensitive. It just requires another level of emotion regulation, because we the thing that's cool about being highly sensitive as we can read situations really quickly. I have a good read on people like I can tell if someone's upset. I can tell us someone sad or something's different or off with them. Um, I'm good at reading people from the beginning, like, Do I think they're a good person? Should I give my attention to that? Um, I could be really impassable, which could make me a better human, not to mention a better therapist. And so framing your high, you're you're high sensitivity level. In a positive light, I think, is what's really important. It's just changing perspective instead of thinking like Oh my God, I'm so sensitive Like I think the word sensitive has gotten a bad rep, and I think it's being sensitive is important. It's imperative. It's part of how we connect with others and how we I don't know how we feel about our role. It's okay to be sensitive. I don't want anybody to think that they're being sensitive is a bad thing. Um, what? We all just want to be big, you know, numbed out. Nothing hurts his type. People know that doesn't work. Um, and so really coping with it is changing the way you talk to yourself about it because you're so sensitive, you're probably feeling very overwhelmed. And, um, you're probably, you know, and I'm just guessing here, but, like, probably feeling overwhelmed, Probably feeling sad, probably. Um, you know, thinking all sorts of negative things about it and what that could mean about you. And I'm just here to tell you that it's a positive thing. It's a good thing. I think it's like a superpower. We just have to use it in the right way when so I use it to keep myself out of trouble, keep myself out of arguments and fights. I don't want to be in. Um I use it to help me better. Ah, pick friends, people that I want in my life. And so I would encourage you to tell me even leaving the comments or maybe just journal about it later. What are your parts of your being a highly sensitive person that are, like, positive? One of the things you find to be your super power within that? Um, yeah, because it isn't a bad thing. Being sensitive is in bed, and being a highly sensitive person isn't bad at all, but not to mention like also the discoveries causing grief. It's okay to grieve if you feel that that like is important for you. And that's part of your process. I'm not sure if you're grieving like what it is, but if you figure out like why you're grieving and what you're grieving, it's okay to feel that you feel like it's a loss of a life that you were gonna have or something. I'm completely fine with you, um, grieving and feeling it. But that doesn't mean we should wallow. That just means that we acknowledge the feeling we allow ourselves to express. That may be right about when we talk about it and then we move forward. Okay. Okay. Question number three. How does a therapist find giving online therapy? You've talked about how we might find it, but you But if you are doing this during the lock down, what is it like for you? Yes, we're all doing this during the lock down. Every therapist, I'm sure, is doing phone sessions, text checkin skyping, and we've had I've actually quite a few. Not I want to call a crisis, but people who go having a tough time right now, especially my anxious patients are like, um, I don't like it. It's a great tool, Especially during this time it's a super important tool, and I'm grateful that we have it because I don't like to do phone. By the way, I don't have I don't know if I've done phone check ins. I'd have a nun phones, sessions, Um, mainly because I don't like them. And I don't think that the phone is as good. I mean, it technically works like I have done them in the past, but I haven't done any during the quarantine I've done on Li like Skype's and ah, Google hangouts it on some face times. Um, I prefer video so I can see how you're doing. Have you washed your hair recently? Have you washed your face? Does it look like you're sleeping? Well, um, that way, when I ask you questions, I can see your response like facially or if you're, like, gesturing a lot of you seem, you know, very anxious and hopped up on it. Um, all that stress that you're experiencing, I want to be able to see that because voice can be so deceiving. I've had many patients where I've done like phone check ins, were like, Yeah, I am fine. And the later they're like, Oh, my God. You caught me at the perfect time. I was about to, like, hurt myself. Ended on them like you were so calm and so immediately like that. I mean, when that happened is like years and years ago, probably six years ago. And I was like, I don't want to do those anymore. I don't like it. That phone doesn't work. Um, and so I don't like online therapy, huh? But I will say this. I will say that doing online therapy is better than no therapy at all. And that's why I'm doing it. And that's why my patients are doing you know, we still need the connection. We still need, um, the benefits of therapy. We still need to be able to talk things out. Um, I've debated if I wanted to do a phone session or a Skype session with my therapist, I'm not even sure if she's offering them, but I assume she is, um so I think that it's very important for our own mental health, but it's not my ideal. I don't like it. And I wouldn't that would never be something that I would do on the regular. Um You know, obviously this is a global pandemic. It's kind of a different situation. We're in a crisis. Um, maybe I don't think I like it because because of that, and it doesn't feel is connected, even for me, As a patient who isn't my own therapy. I haven't done like us. I haven't done the only therapy with Janet, but I I wouldn't I mean, I was trying to think about him. Like, where would I go to have that kind of call it? Have to go to my car Just because knowing me, I'd need to have some privacy, sort of sit in our car, which is fine. Um, but it's just not ideal. I'm not in that safe holding environment. Although I have to be honest, The car. I don't know if you guys with me, I'd love to hear in the comments, but like, I think a car is a perfect place to do a therapy session. It feels very contained. It feels very private. Um, you could even drive, like, a few blocks away from your home so that you don't feel like anybody could see you hear, you know, pull into empty parking lot I don't know, as long as your doors were locked and your windows are up and you feel safe. Um, but, yeah, I think that that's it's just tricky. I just don't like it as much. So that's the truth. Okay. Question number four. How to deal with self harm, Intrusive thoughts during quarantine. Being constantly at home and not working is making my intrusive thoughts more loud and persistent, which often drags me into anxiety. It attacks any tips on how to calm this down. The thing about intrusive thoughts is the Ahrens anxiety driven. It could be part of your O C D. Which, if you didn't realize this is part of an anxiety disorder. Um, it's in that, like, umbrella of diagnoses. Um and so I mean a constant home networking making interest that's more loud and persistent. I think we have to be able to manage those thoughts. And the best way to do that is to do impulse logs. And you can look those up online. You can just google impulse logs. Um, you can use, uh, What is it called? Is it calm? Harm? I think calm harm is another app. Um, I used to recommend the safe alternatives app if you guys have watched for a long time. You know, I've mentioned that, um, thank you to that particular community member. You know who you are. You told me how much it is. They've increased. The price is like $12 a month, and I think that is some horseshit. I know that some people could afford that. And if you can, if it feels reasonable to totally. But I just don't think that that's a very reasonable I mean, the most I've ever paid for a nap was the recovery record that I used with my eating disorder patients. And I think that I was, like, $8 or $7 a month, and that's totally reasonable, but $12 a month. You don't need to do it. I think that there are easier ways to, um, even in my, uh, you can just probably YouTube Kati Marton impulse logs. I talk about how to create them, what they are. It might be in one of my safety plans or myself harm videos. Um, but essentially, what I encourage you to do is to note the feeling So like, we have this self harm urge. Okay, so the urges to injure myself, whatever the date and time cause that's important. I know that sounds weird, but we'll start to see patterns like Oh, my God, my urges air are the worst, like, 10 o'clock at night. Usually, night times are worse for people, but some people do it like in the morning because no one's around. I'm not sure. So pay attention right down like the time that it happened. Um And then I want you to identify at least three feelings what's going on, and then if you can come up with it, what do we think the triggering event was or events could have been? Um, you know, I watched the news and they talked about how we have to be in quarantine for X number of more weeks. I don't know what they're saying in where you are. And, uh, and then my mom shouted at me or my my husband was mean, you know, I don't know. Pay attention to kind of notice what triggered that. And then I want you to give on, have some options, like I have my 25 coping skills video, then use some of those coping skills and some of those ideas to cope. So once we've done all that, I want you to at least three other things. Wait 30 minutes, then you could do whatever the fuck you want. And so I think slowing that down will not only prevent the self injury from happening, but it will also slow that anxiety down. Help You better identify what you're feeling because the thing about anxiety that I find interesting is I believe it's born. If you haven't like I have, ah, workbook I put out about the ink. It's Anxiety Workbook and its video and written, um, tools. And after doing all this research about anxiety, I really believe it's born out of a lack of self confidence. And I think that self confidence makes it difficult for us to identify and validate our own feelings, which then means we're stuffing them down and we explode, having panic attacks or feeling like really angry, rage filled. It can come out in a lot of forms. Intrusive self injury thoughts, intrusive eating to sort of thoughts. So I would encourage you to to try doing other things. Try paying attention, identifying and validating how you feel. It's okay to feel shitty. We're all feeling. Should you right now. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel frustrated, but just try to identify, do some coping skills I would encourage of those three coping skills. Make sure one is a process based. The other two can be like distraction techniques. Um, but doing that, you know, that, uh, impulse log, I think will really, really help. Um, yeah, just call me down. We gotta slow down that process from, like, feeling anxious to wanting to self injuring that Quick jump. Poof. Poof. Um, because there is time in there till, like, assess. Invalidate. Okay, let's have a little sip of water, and we'll get into number five. Oh, as I spill water on the kitchen table had, like, adrenaline dump to my fingertips because, like, not my laptop? No, but it didn't. So don't Don't worry, laptop. I've had this laptop forever. You guys, it's like one of my biggest fear is that it's just gonna, like die on me one day. Um, I mean, I back it up, Don't worry. Go home and back it up, but, um, I just I just worry about it because it's It's just been with me. I bought it. Ah, when I had my sales job, I saved up some money. I don't know when this was you guys just think so old. And it was like I think I might have. It's right around. Maybe I started the channel, but I knew I needed my own computer. I didn't have my own computer cause my desktop. Yes, I did. Just stop. Had died the year before, and I had a work laptop. And when I was like, I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm gonna quit my job. Um, because I was working at the hospital part time and, uh, also private practice. I was going to more hospital work and do more YouTube. I was like, I'm gonna quit this job. I need to get a real laptop. And so I bought her, and she's been with me through this whole adventure. Okay, that's enough. That's enough of a detour. Sorry, guys. I'll get back on track. Okay. Question number five. How to deal with your trauma when you feel like it's all out in the open because you were triggered and started talking about it in therapy, but now therapies on hold. Because of Corona, I feel like this wound is cut open and no one to help me to close it because it's not physical and not Corona related, so not urgent. It's totally urgent. And I would encourage you to tell your therapist is and set up an appointment. I know therapist might be like I just can't imagine no therapist offering online therapy or phone sessions are something that does. I just can't imagine, because I'm gonna be frank with you. If it's on leeway, we make money. A lot of people have full private practices, and that's all that you do. I was never that person, mainly because I didn't I didn't like that dynamic that like my I know that's weird, You guys, I'm weird in some ways, but I didn't like the idea that I people would come to my office. I would take that money, and that's how I funded my whole life. Like I always had other jobs. Like at the hospital treatment centers. Um, even like my sales job, and I was a waitress while I was still gaining ours and stuff like I had a lot of different jobs, mainly because I wanted to make sure I had, like, healthcare coming from another thing, it made it just feel more balanced for me. So, um, so that if somebody was like, Hey, can you see me for a sliding scale? Cause I lost my job. I could, without worrying about my own bills and livelihood, say yes. I just always wanted that. So I know I'm weird, but a lot of therapists, that's their main source of income. And so they're gonna do those types of sessions. I just know they are. So please, please, please reach out to your therapist. Asked them to do that because the thing about it is that you started talking about in therapy, which is wonderful that now we just need some resource is to help calm this down, to sue their system, and we need someone to help us. It's like take a look at that wound, figure out how it needs to be cleaned out and start that process. It's not gonna all of a sudden get better, and we're not gonna feel amazingly well right away. But I'm proud of you for taking that step and moving forward. And now we have to figure out how to continue that treatment for you. So I think, um, you know, calling the therapist, setting up an appointment, telling them you do phone, sky, facetime, zoom, whatever. And then find a safe space. Either in your car, in your closet, somewhere in your house, You gotta have a little privacy. Um, yeah. Let's make the space for that. I feel like I'm gonna sneeze. You guys. Hold on. Excuse me. Huh? Don't worry. I'm not sick. I could feel it tickling me. I think it was my own hair. It happens sometimes. Okay. Um so yeah, so I think it is urgent. I don't like the idea that it's not current related, so it's not urgent. This is urgent. Trauma therapy is very difficult. It could be super triggering. It could be super detrimental to our ability to function or life. Um, yeah, talk about it. Speak up, reach out. But let's get you some help. Um, because the only other thing I can think of let's say your therapist, for some reason, is like, I'm not going to do these sessions. I don't do that, um, the best way would be to find ways to self soothe. So we're gonna have to try different coping skills. Try different. Um, different resource is like connection is usually pretty good with safe people. Um, talking to them about maybe not the trauma, but just like how you're feeling. You know, Mr Therapist, and you're you're feeling kind of vulnerable and, you know, things have been overwhelming or whatever. Having that connection can help a little bit, too. Or maybe there's memories you can tap into that air soothing like one of my favorite ones. I'm floating in Costa Rica in the ocean and you know your ears. I think I should is for your ears. Go below the water and it gets quiet on the sun is on my face. It's wonderful. It's super soothing, so using those tools can help in the moment to, but your therapist should see you that it's ridiculous. It is urgent, and I would I would make that like we don't need to be dramatic, but I think it's important for you to speak up and be your own advocate and say, yeah, this is urgent. I'm feeling really uncomfortable I don't know how long we're gonna be in quarantine, and I really, really need to set up anyway to find a new way to have appointments. And they'll understand. Okay, Question number six and a great question. Something I was debating, just like riffing on in a video Because a lot of people are talking about this how to deal with toxic family or people I live with at this time. Not sure if you've answered this before. I don't think I have. I probably have addressed it in, like maybe last week's a k or maybe on a live stream or something. Um, but I know it's a front of mind because I know some of us are also stuck in, like, abusive households, which fucking socks and where people so terrible. Um, but the best way to deal with toxic family and people during this time is and you're I know you're gonna be like, Ah, this is so hard. And it is hard limit contact. I know, Sean. We live in 1000 square feet. Trust me, it's not a big place. Um, so that might mean that maybe we stay up a little bit later. than them so that we get up a little bit later so that our time, you know, the time left to deal with them is more limited. Maybe we set up some hangouts with friends during the day. Um, you know them best. So you know how they operate. So I picked the times that you think they're usually the most triggered her acting up or being an asshole tried to connect during those times, you know, with other people who are positive and make that a regular thing. We're gonna need some connection and communication with healthy, happy people that aren't such pieces of garbage. Um and then, if possible, here comes the hard part. Hard part, I guess, is start communicating boundaries. I know this could be hard, especially if it's a parent or someone and if there's abuse than this might not be safe. But for most of us, toxic just means they're, like, passive aggressive. They're kind of manipulative. It try to put you down. They could be doing things that, like are terrible. But it's not physically going to damage us if we speak up because I think we all have. I'm telling you, we all have the right to say to someone who's a shit talker whose passive aggressive who's rude who named calls? Um, we have a right to say I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this, and it's not okay for you to talk to me this way. I wouldn't talk to you like that. And I would never call you that name. We can just shut it down and then we can go in our room. We can say I'll talk to you when you're feeling a little bit better, cause right now I don't wanna fight with you. You, Scott, shut it down. And if they're like you trying to be all high and mighty, I'm not gonna talk to you when you're like this. I'll talk to you later and you just keep it's like broken record. I'm not gonna talk to when you're like this. I'll talk to you when you're when you're a little bit calmer. I know people could get real fired up and be terrible, but you just keep saying the thing. You go into your room if they don't. If they like, come into your room, you could be like this is not appropriate. I'm not gonna talk to you. I don't want to fight. And then you could just be silent. So I know that it's hard. I know that people are like, Oh, that's so uncomfortable. But isn't it uncomfortable to have people manipulate you, belittle you and talk trash and just be a total asshole? It would be nice if we could just be like, I don't have to see that person anymore. Fuck you. Get out. But right now we're in quarantine. And if we're not able to leave, which I would encourage all of you to start putting together your escape plan like ASAP, save up money, start looking into other options. Um, I'm sure people are still looking for roommates now, during this because, you know, whoever got caught without having a roommate of someone just moved out and they were looking for someone might really need a roommate, so you might be able to switch things up. Um, but you gotta work on that escape plan, but just boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. We don't have to talk to them like when they're like that. We don't have to accept that kind of conversation. That's not like something that I have found like in my life. Something that I will say that I find works is you know, this isn't this isn't a healthy conversation. I don't like to get yelled at. I'm not gonna yell at you. I'm just gonna walk away now, so I just walk away. I know it's a little tricky because we're in a like a, you know, a home or apartment or whatever, but that's my advice. Distance, distance, distance. And then if they come at you, you just don't talk to them when they're like that. I mean, if they're fine because some sometimes talks of people, they're not toxic all the time. They might be friendly for a little bit, and it's okay to be friendly back where it's gonna be cordial. We're not gonna fight back. We're not gonna laundry list. We're not gonna yell. Um, we're just gonna send I could talk to you, You know, when you're like that, But I'll talk to you if you want to be friendly. If you wanna have a nice, passive easy conversation. Talked about that, Um, yeah, and then journal and talk to other people. Man and I'm sorry. Okay. Question number seven. The more isolated I am, the less I want company. Have heard this from a lot of you since quarantine started. I even stopped talking to people on social media. Why and how to fix it. First of all, the why is interesting. And I would like to do some more research on it because I don't actually know the reason. It's just like I even feel this way. Um, when I haven't left my house in a week to do any social thing I like Don't really want to do it. It seems like a lot more work. And I think it's out of its out of routine and ritual, and it's a little unknown. And the longer that goes on, the easier it is to not want to engage because what were in is like use. It's like we're used to. It's a ritual to routine. It's something very comfortable. Oh, and earlier today I did a a workshop for patriotic. Um, not for my patrons. Don't worry, if your patron like what it was for patri on itself and for other creators on the platform, That's why you didn't hear about it, Um, anyway, so I did this and that One of the women there asked the difference between ritual on routine, and I think because I mentioned I'm here, I think it's kind of important that we talk about it. So a ritual is something that we do to get our brain and body ready for something that could be like right before I go to bed, I wash my face, I brush my teeth. That's a ritual. I do these things leading up to it and the night and preparing for a certain activity. A routine is something. It's like a schedule. It's more like planning things out. I, um it's just a little bit like we're not really preparing our brain and body for a specific thing. We're just going through things in a certain order. Does that make sense? It's like we have our list for the day and we're gonna work through this. This is part of our routine. I get up around this time and I start doing work. Um, the ritual be like before I start work. I always do the same thing washing my face and, you know, call me my hair. Whatever um, small distinction. But just in case any of you wondered, that's my those are my thoughts about it. And I haven't looked up like the exact definition. Those are just my thoughts about, um So anyway, we get into this routine and this, uh, pattern of being isolated of not talking to people and not wanting company. And so I really think the best way to fix it is to change the way we think about it and allow ourselves to believe it. Because I would assume in your head at this point, you're like, um but I don't really feel like talking. There's so much energy. I just don't want we talk ourselves out of it or like nobody really wants, cares what I have to say. I just know it's like all this negative talk potentially, but we just wound right out of it. Don't do that. Notice it's happening. Be like ham doing that shit talking. Spiraling into isolation. Depression again. I'm Katie told me to notice. Let's notice this and let's thought stop. Take your brain into another space, Another memory, Another hope. Maybe we distract by organizing, cleaning, new journaling, listening to music. I don't care. Do something else. Get your mind off of it. Some people say even just shouting. Stop to themselves like Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. We'll stop those thoughts from going, um so pay attention to that and stop that and then we have to make little baby steps back. Like you said, you don't really want to talk to people on social media. I think that's where we start. I think we start with, like, leaving to comments today, and maybe we move up to five tomorrow. You know, we slowly increase until I would really like you to be reaching out to people in your life to do face time, zoom Ah, phone calls, text, other ways to connect. And again, you could move up into that. So maybe starting with tax messages and then we would try for a phone call and then maybe we set up a zoom and that this might take you a few weeks to get back on track. But we really just need to start moving in that direction because the thing that I worry about for a lot of us, is that the more isolated we become even when they remove the stay home orders where we can go out, we won't go out. We might slip into depression, have more dark thoughts. And I really just don't want that for any of us. And so pay attention to that. Track those thoughts and try to make them more positive because things will get better. We will be okay. You are important. People like to see you. You like to see and talk to people to. We just have to make more, put more effort into that and make it more of a priority. And I know it's hard, but it starts starts with the thoughts. Okay on to question number eight. And there's two kind of in this. One is mental health related. One is not mental health related. Okay, mental health related, one says. Would it be treating, um, your Depression to quit things I used to love gymnastics, but lately I don't. Since I quit, I don't enjoy it, and it's kind of stressing me out. Or should I continue? Because I used to love it and probably still do besides my depression, I've always wondered how anxiety and depression could be related. I mean, I believe It's true. I've been diagnosed with both, but anxiety makes me worry about everything and depression makes me not care about anything that kind of like contrasting feelings. And I'm super confused about it. I love this question first thing and hey, Adonia. The lack of enjoyment and things is part of depression. It's like one of the pillars of the diagnostic criteria. If we don't enjoy what we used to enjoy, it's not you. That's your depression. It's trying to rob you of all the joy and good in your life. And it's an asshole, so don't believe it. You still love gymnastics. Depression just can't let you see it and can't let you feel it cause it's such a son of a bitch. So we need to get some treatment for that. Whether that's therapy, whether that's medication, see a psychiatrist. Everybody's doing Skype zoom face time meetings. My mom saw her cardiologists the other day via Zoom. I had to help her set it up crazy, but so everybody's doing that. So I'd reach out, get an appointment, talk to somebody because it does get better, and then talking about how anxiety, depression or related the interesting thing about it, the more we learn. And I haven't I don't know. There's probably even more information now exactly where in the brain it's over on this side of her brain where they find it sounds weird to say, like where they find depression and anxiety. But a lot of the, um the place is in our brain. That depression, anxiety effect are close to one another, and I don't know if that's why I'm just giving the information. I found that just fascinating that they, you know, they run in the same areas, and I like to think of them is like a teeter totter where the depression will be really bad and the anxiety will be like I don't even know if I have anxiety and then anxiety get really bad. We're having, like panic attacks or just feeling on edge all day, every day, depression, yelling and then the most uncomfortable when they happen at the same fucking time and we feel like shit and not motivated all yet won a terror skin off because we have so much energy running through our veins. I know that sounds crazy, but let me know when those comments if you can relate to any of that. And so even though it seems like they contrast and feelings, I think one is like I think I honestly was just because of where they are in the brain. But I do believe that they feed into one another because they both kind of come out of this worry. The anxiety worry is like worrying about everything in anything and everyone. No matter how much you try to control it, depression is like hopeless, helpless. Oh, my God, is this gonna be ever is gonna be it? I just can't even do anything. It's like I can't I don't think they're like the same But they do. They, like, run right into one another and they can feed into one another. And I think that's why we talk about how connected there does that make sense. I feel like I talked in a circle, anxiety, depression or different, but they're very said they like, but into one another and feed into one another and can teeter totter. I hope that makes sense because like we don't I think I'm talking a circle. Sometimes I happen. Sorry, I got the quarantine brains but I'm working on it, trying to sleep, trying to cure myself. Um, although as anybody else just had the shittiest time sleeping. It's been so hard to sleep lately. I normally go to bed at, like, 10. 30 and I've been I'm like, Okay, I might try to go to bed like I wouldn't to bed at 10 30 I was like, I'll probably try to fall asleep on 11. I did a little bit of reading like I normally do, And then I was still a wide awake at, like, midnight. And I'm like, What gives? It's just weird. And then I wake up a bunch anyway, Not your problem. It's my problem. But if you're feeling it, I'm feeling it too. Okay, now the question not mental health related. If you were not a therapist, what would you like to be? What are some of your hobbies and what were your hobbies when you were young? But this is really funny. I'm like, do people even care? I guess people do care about other things. Um, about me specifically, Um, if I was not a therapist, what would I like to be? It's really tricky because back in the day when I was looking into graduate schools I for for a while thought I want to be a pastry chef because I love to bake. I really d'oh! I know it's super soothing. I enjoy the challenge of it. I like trying different things. If I had a better kitchen, I would actually enjoy our kitchen so small, associating you guys and they're like no counter space. So it's hard for me to get everything out and do things. Um, but I love that. So maybe that, um but also, I mean, I enjoy research. It's funny, because when I was in school is like, I'd never want to be research like I didn't get my PhD. They continue on because I was like, I don't even want to be involved in research. And, like, I don't need a society, which is like a doctorate for clinical psychology, because I was like, Why pay more do the same fucking thing I can do with this degree cause paid for my school myself. You gotta think about those things. You don't even make much more. And I did all the ran my numbers. My guys enters as my mama says, um and so I you know, I enjoy the research kind of stuff, which I know really isn't a therapist. It's, like still kind of a therapy thing. But I think I'd like to like, like, engage in that a little more. Um, I also think it be really, really cool to be a yoga instructor. Those are just things that I love. And I would love to dio in another life, I'd be a yoga instructor and maybe a pastry chef in the evening. I don't know. Get crazy. Um, so? Well, some of my hobbies are I love to snowboard. I love to mountain bike. I love to do yoga. Um, I love I know this sounds really weird, but I live. I'm like a foodie. I love going to new restaurants, trying out new types of foods, hearing about how people created things I love. Like the whole, um you know, uh, what is it called? Why am I blanking on the name? It's like when you get a cocktail made and they, like, do it all particular for you like signature cocktails. And, you know, people like, really get into it. I love all that shit. It's, like, so fun for me. And I love experiencing food and places and things with people. I love being outdoors. I love live music. My and I love live music. I think that's kind of part of my grieving process with all this Corona virus. Shit is like the things that I love, some of it's gonna change. And I'm sad about it because I love, like, I bought tickets to see George Strait in August and fuck, man, I don't think that's gonna happen. And I'm really bummed about it. Miss sucks. So a lot of my hobbies, those are just some of them. Um, yeah. I love adventures. I love I also love like spontaneity. Um, like a Let's go on a road trip. Okay. Of Ah, I love that stuff. It's fun. Um, and then what were my hobbies? When I was young, when I was young, I'd love to mountain bike also, um, it's just totally different. It's funny, cause the landscape so different back. I grew up in Washington state, so and in the country. And we had all these like woods and the toughest part about mountain biking there was just not hitting trees. That was like the whole goal was like, Don't wrack yourself on a tree. And you, you I mean, you get good at it, but there you get your own trails Where you just kind of following a trail. But you hit a tree, it's just happens. Um, but I love that I love building forts. Oh, my God. I love coloring as a kids. So much like so much. I loved roller skating. Not blading like roller skates like the old school kind. Um, love, love, love that loved hula hooping. Um, yeah, yeah, those are just some of the things that I liked. Man. Hobbies are great. It's funny, cause people, that's like, what were your hobbies? And it's like I can never think of them right off top my head. But we really have a lot. So I encourage you. What are your hobbies? Let us know in the comments, share some of the things you like to do and why. It's kind of fun. It made me feel good there for a minute. It's like a little a little breath in Okay, question number nine. How do you find a fitting therapist like, how do you determine if you want to see a man or woman older, younger and how to distinguish between what you want and what you should. I know you can try them, but that could be both expensive and overwhelming. Thank you for all you're doing. I hope it makes sense. English is not my first language. Of course it makes sense. Your English is impeccable. I can't tell you how many of you say that. You're like, I'm sorry. English is my first language. And I'm like, Honey, you are better than a lot of us Americans who cannot properly write or speak beautiful. Okay, just a lower water. Um, I think the truth about this and this sounds really strange to say, but it's figuring out who have you confided in in the past? Has there been anyone that, like a teacher apparent, another family member, a friend, um, who have been the people in your life that you have always been drawn to and had connection with might have almost always been older females. That's just me. Um, but for many people, like a lot of my friends actually were closer with their fathers like they would talk to their dad more about stuff. I didn't have that kind of relation by Dad, mainly because he worked away from home a lot. Um, which is kind of funny looking back. My dad was like, he was so much more emotional than my mom, so I probably would have really enjoyed those conversations, but anyway, I'm getting off topic, um, figuring out who it is that you enjoy talking to and who you've confided in the past or who you've had connections with That can help because that you might be male, female, older, younger things like that. Like I don't want to old of a therapist, mainly because it's my own judgment. Like like I said in my book. Um, are you okay? I think it's chapter. There's a chapter 45 about finding the right therapist. Maybe it's farther, and I don't remember, um, but I talk about how, like this is not the time to be politically correct. There's no I don't take offense. If someone's like I'd rather see a guy and you're too old, I'd be like, Yep, that's fair. Cool. I am 36. Maybe you want a 26 year old. That's totally fair. Um, and so I think part of it is just, like, not being PC figuring out like who you normally confide in. And just you could even role play in your head if if it's, you know, this helps to like, who would you when you imagine yourself seen a therapist? What do they look like? What age are they? You know, how does it work? What do you think? And that kind of gives an idea of, like what you're kind of hoping for at the end of the day. Um, the best way to find, like, to find a good therapist is referrals from friends and family. People were similar to you. Um, but you have to try them out. And I know that that sucks. Um, but a way to do that is like so if we kind of have an idea like, I never thought I wanted to see a guy therapist ever. But then in school, when I was in graduate school, my therapist, Rebecca, retired. She's kind of forced out kind of a shitty situation. And the only person they had an opening was this dude and I saw this dude for, like, three or four sessions. And I was like going back on the wait list. Oh, I want to see somebody else. Um, I just couldn't talk to a guy that bothered me, and I didn't even know I'd have that response. I just But I already knew that. I didn't think that was gonna be for me. Like I didn't have to see him to know that I didn't want that. And so take some time and, like, be quiet with yourself and know that there's no judgments. Think about seeing maybe imagine in your mind seeing a guy seeing a girl, seeing older person, a younger person, and you can slowly figure it out. Um, and then you're gonna have to go. And then I was going to say Also another great thing is to get online and check out their Web sites because most most therapists have their photo there, and some, you know, something they've written about themselves, their bios and what they've done. It didn't get a feel for them a little bit by looking at that, and you can decide like, hey, does that seem like, you know, someone that I would be comfortable with, and that will give you kind of like trying to narrow it down, right? And then the last step is honestly to go see somebody. And I know it sucks. You can also ask because some therapist will do this. You could also ask when you're making an appointment, you could say, like, um, you know Hey, can we hop on a quick call? I just want to get a feel for you before I come into the office. And if immediately you're like, I don't like them at all, you can cancel. You say, Like, I don't think it's gonna work out. I know that that's hard for a lot of us. But, hey, this is your therapy. It's something you're gonna pay for. Why waste the money or time? And it's also have a really tough time, and you don't want to say on the phone, email them afterwards, get their e mail and email and be like, Hey, after consideration, I think I'm gonna go see someone else. Thank you so much for your time. Sincerely, Katie. Um, so, yeah, there's a lot of ways to kind of help navigate that, so that you find the right person, and I know that it's hard. Um, and also a lot of the online things have you take, like, different tests and stuff and where the issues are and they try to fit you with the right person. I don't know how well that works. You guys let me know. But that's another thing to might be beneficial to. Try that out. Okay, hold on. Was it question number 10? Okay. You say ask Katie anything? So what's the one grocery that you will never run out of? Like you always have at least one in your fridge. Your cabinet? Mine is Coke's. She loves this in the pop or soda, whatever you wanna call it. I'm just goofing on my question, of course, and can't imagine anyone else will be asking the same question. It got quite a few thumbs ups, and I thought this was fun. And I was thinking about it like, what would I never run out of? And there there are a couple of things, um, pasta. Because it keeps and I love pasta can help myself. And then the second is, um Well, quit that beach. I almost want Sean to weigh in on this, but I won't make him win on it. Um, there's probably three and sorry for the person. That's a question. I know you said one, but every I've got three pasta have always got some in the pantry somewhere. Then the second is eggs because I always eat eggs for breakfast or won't egg salad. I just love eggs. I just cannot myself. So we, like, never run out, barely, like if we're out for one day like that's a travesty, like I'm ordering groceries, you know, we don't run out. And then I would say the third is Ah, soy milk, almond milk or cream or something because I can't take coffee black. I always need milk in it. And I You know how much I love my coffee, so I never run out of that either. And if the thing that's kind of weird about being in quarantine is that I've gotten into this rhythm where, like if if we're running low on milk or like, I just don't feel like making coffee or breakfast like I'm like, Oh, well, go to Starbucks or oh, I'll go down to this diner That's like, you know, just a few blocks from our house, and we don't have that option anymore. So I'm, like, forced to forced to make sure that I have all the things because Starbucks, I love their soil Auto Hazel's or my favorite. Um, but our Starbucks, I assume some Starbucks must be open. I've seen people with Starbucks cups online, but we don't have any either. Open that, I think. And it's not really worth it for me. I feel like they told me to shelter in place. The least I can do is drink mine, espresso or my cold brew and dislike. Do nothing. Um, yeah, those are the things that I would never run out of. It's just funny. I mean, there's so many things, though, too. But those are the main ones that I'd be like, uh, like my whole day is ruined. Okay. Question number 11. Think we can get through all 12? You guys? Well, if I don't keep going off the rails. Question over 11. How to deal with feelings of shame and embarrassment. I don't think I can ever have a conversation face to face with this person that I embarrass myself too. So now I'm left feeling ashamed. I really enjoyed this question. I've been reading a lot of Brownie Brown stuff, and if you don't know who Brian A. Brown is, it's b r e N e B R O W n. She is a licensed social worker and researcher, and so she does, Um, she she talks a lot about shame and vulnerability and the true way, and this is gonna sound weird, but it's like the in some ways when it comes to like, shame or embarrassment. In particular, the antidote is like the complete opposite. And that's why it's so difficult. And that's why we live in shame and embarrassment for so long. Because if we embarrass ourselves, um, in conversation with someone the way toe like move past, that is too later it's like we have to be. We have to be show courage talks about how courage is like the antidote to shame. So we have to show courage. We have to go up to that person and be like, I just have to tell you, I am so embarrassed about what happened. I don't know why I said that I acted that way. I just want to know that I'm sorry or whatever. You know, it depends on what the situation warrants, but we could apologize. We could just say that was really embarrassing. I don't normally act like that or whatever. It depends on what happened. Um, but showing the courage to be vulnerable is really where the antidote lies. Gonna know that that's not easy. And you're like, But I'm so filled with shame and embarrassment. And now I just like, Well, you know, hanging in it. And I wish there was something easier, Another way to combat it. But I feel like honestly, addressing a head on is the best. If there's a way to email, call, connect with something, tell this person talk to them. I know that doesn't work in every situation, because sometimes we embarrass ourselves. Trust me, I've been there, embarrassed yourself to complete strangers, and you have no way to see them again. Or to tell them like, Oh, that was bad. I'm not normally like that. I apologize. Um, I don't know why I said that that way. Whatever it is, we have to change the way we talk about it to ourselves. And I know that you guys hate that answer. But so much of our own mental health. I mean, I guess this makes sense when you say it this way. So much of our mental holes lies in our thoughts. Makes sense, right? Like so much of how we think becomes our reality. We know, like the whole, uh I don't know, kind of foundation of CBT cognitive behavioral therapy is that, like our thoughts become our beliefs and become our actions kind of thing? And we go around around around and it's like, if we're thinking a certain way and act in a certain way, and then we're going to start believing that and then where that's gonna lead to more thoughts about a thing, that we're gonna act a certain way, you know? So we're just gonna get caught in this cycle. And so, of course, our thoughts become our world, and so they're very, very important, and they're very, very powerful. And so when it comes to the shame and embarrassment, I would encourage you to show yourself some compassion right out your courageous statement to yourself and answer back with some compassion and understanding. Let's say, um, let's say I embarrass myself. Ah, I don't know. I'll make up a scenario. Let's say I was in a really important business dinner and I got drunk and made an ass of myself. It hasn't happened. Knock on wood. I'm very cognizant, like I have like one glass of wine. I milk all night. That's just who I am. Um, however, let's say that that happened. Now I could reach out to those people directly, which is probably what I would. D'oh. But let's say I can't. Then I have to sit down and take a look at myself. I have to say, That's not who I am. I don't agree with those thoughts and beliefs around me being the stupid idiot. Such a horrible person. How embarrassing. Oh my God, no, don't stop. That's not me. That's not who I am. I made a mistake. I recognize that mistake, and here's what I've learned from it. And here's who I believe I am and how what I'm gonna do to show me that this is who I am, and I know that that seems really labor intensive and it seems really difficult. But stick with that and I would do that, You know, every day in your journal until those intrusive. Because trust me, I know those thoughts are coming for you at night, and you're just spiraling into like I call it like a shame. Spiral were just like, cool. Can't get out. Um, so we're gonna have to use our thoughts to fight back against it. Nobody's perfect. Nobody goes throughout their whole life without doing something that stupid and embarrassing. And we hate it. But we have to get up and do it. We have to, like, fight again, try for another day, try to get better, try to evolve. What that told you is that you didn't like that part of yourself. He didn't like that certain thing that you did. But that doesn't mean that that is always part of ourselves. That's not a true story. I don't have to believe that story. I can't believe this was an anomaly. And I'm gonna, you know, delete that chapter, move on to the next. Something totally new. Um, I'm sorry that you're feeling so shitty. It is hard. And I know that dealing with shame and embarrassment terrible. But I really encourage you. Please talk to the person Because the thing is, if we practice ahead of time and, like, write out what we want to say, how we want to say it, it really prepares us for the conversation. And usually I don't want to say 100% of time because nothing is 100% but most of the time, when done properly, if we plan it out, talk it out, try to rural plate in her head what we're going to say to them, they are understanding they might laugh along with you. They might have often times they say, I didn't even know. I totally didn't notice. We could be embarrassed and people forget immediately, cause it's not emotional lever like valuable to them. They forget, um, or they're like, Oh, don't worry about it. That stuff happens all the time. You don't really know. So reaching out if you can this is the best way. OK, question number 12. Our final question. And this is a good one. Is it common to second guess abuse? I have C p. T s d, which is complex PTSD have a whole video about it if you're interested. And sometimes I wonder if I'm making it all up, I kind of was picking these questions just as that. Like for the thumbs ups amount. Um, although I wish you to filter them that way, I did the what was it like, the most popular or whatever The lets me filters only two options. One is newest. And then one is like, I think, the highest rating or whatever, and they don't do it in order. So I hope I got all of your top thumbs up once I did my best. Um, but I like book ended. The 1st 1 was kind of about second guessing their memory. And, like, um, I'm making this up, and then the is kind of funny, cause in the last one is a similar type question. Um, anyway, sorry. Back to the question. I have see PTSD and sometimes wonder if I'm making it all up. Sometimes. I don't remember any. Remember everything? Just bits and pieces. And that makes me worried. I'm lying about it. No, no, no, no, no. Um, it's a very, very common worry. I don't know what else to say about it, other than it's a very, very common worry. And that is because if you don't remember, I've talked a lot about ah, the movie inside out and how they have Ah, I love I just love the way the storm right since we're home, If you can look up inside out the film, it's Ah, Disney Pixar. I think, um, it's really worth a watch. And they do a great job of explaining how memory works. And in that movie, it looks like marbles. I don't know if that's exactly what they are, but I think they're marbles. They look like marbles. Memories get rolled away from short term to long term and filed on all this stuff and they show it. And it's very cool. I love it. Um, so when we have a trauma memory, it's like our brain is like forming these marbles, right? More forming marbles about like, oh, like from for me, for instance, I'm like today marbling. I'm like I got up and I felt okay. I ate breakfast. I did that patri on workshop. I did my podcast, right. I'm telling myself the story and then the marble at the end of the day is like Okay, well, that's, you know, April whatever date is. Nobody knows. Um 2020. Let's roll that into there. But when there's a trauma, it's like our brain is putting that marble together. And it's like something knocks it off of the access while it's spinning them, being created and shatters on the floor. That's why you only remember bits and pieces. You don't have a fully formed story narrative memory to recall because it was a trauma memory and the thing that's really interesting about those bits and pieces. As you work in trauma therapy, they'll have you talk out what you remember, and as they ask you more questions about those bits and pieces and feelings and experiences. However, you know what what you felt in your body, they'll try to go through all your senses. More will start to come to life because what you're really doing and trauma therapy is you're using like your broom and you're sweeping up all of those splinters from that marble and then you're trying to slowly piece it together. And, yeah, sometimes or shitty, you cut yourself on a bit of you know that shard and you're like, Oh, God, I remember how that hurt So terrible, but hey, then we glue it into place. The bandage, we move forward. And so it it does. Sometimes it can hurt and it is really difficult. And we know putting things together like that is really difficult to find all the pieces. But we can and we will. So we just slowly but surely pick up all those little bits and pieces and put it together. And then we can roll it away. And that is how you process a trauma memory. And I know it sucks and it takes time, and it's annoying. But the good news is when we're working on one memory, Alexa mentioned this. I think, in our videos together that it's oftentimes when we're processing one memory, the others are getting process at the same time. So don't think you have to go through each and every memory in detail and work it out often. They kind of group themselves and get it pushed together into memory. Um, so you're not making it up? Just work on it. Keep talking about it. Keep working with those bits and pieces and what you do remember, Um yeah and trust in the process. It's like that it's very, very common. The memories air there. That's the thing. They're not gone. Watch my video about repressed memories. I talk about it there. How how they do live and they are. They do exist, is just our brain. Is is hidden them and stuff them down for lack of a better term in order for us to keep living. If we were living with all of that trauma right at the front of our mind, we wouldn't be able to do anything. Won't be able to function. Give me, get to work, go to school. All the things we want to do have relationships. Um, and so that's why it's really common to not not remember it all. But stick with it, it gets better. And I am working. I'll start probably writing in the next few weeks. Here, my book about trauma. I'm still waiting for all of the finalization of like the contracts, and, um, I have all my chapter summaries that I need to get approved by my editor. Um, so I've done all the work on my end. I'm just kind of waiting for them, but it's something to look forward to. I'll be digging into trauma like deep, deep, deep You guys. Um so hopefully we'll also be some helpful videos that come out with that book as well. Um, thank you so much for listening. Thanks for sending in your questions. Thank you for just being you. I hope you're making it. Okay. You're taking time for yourself taking care of those basic needs. You need a shower. I need to feed yourself. Um, you know, we need to move our body a little, like have you stretch today? Maybe we do a little stretch. Hey, but take care of yourselves. I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening. Slash watching. And I'll see you next time about your therapist or vent about work. You can ask her about your self esteem or why your feelings for you can ask her why break ups suck or why you hit a button, inquire off questions you boys want Thio. Katie? Anything