Ask Kati Anything!

ep #7 - "How Can I Set Boundaries?" Ask Kati Anything!

April 23, 2020 Kati Morton Season 1 Episode 7
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #7 - "How Can I Set Boundaries?" Ask Kati Anything!
Chapters
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #7 - "How Can I Set Boundaries?" Ask Kati Anything!
Apr 23, 2020 Season 1 Episode 7
Kati Morton

This week on Ask Kati Anything, we're going over some great mental health questions! Put your headphones on and spend a little me time :)

1) How does a person regain confidence in themselves to do a certain job, when employers think they are worthless?

2) Hey Kati, I have been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now. I struggle with depression and my therapist said it may be time to see a psychiatrist. At this point, I'm tired of feeling shitty so I'll try anything. I'm so afraid of medication side effects though. For example, weight gain is a common issue but I have body image issues already and if I gain weight these issues might worsen.

3) How to set up healthy boundaries during this time?

4) Do comfort and solace have to come from within?  If so how the heck do you do it?  I think one of the reasons I binge eat is to provide myself comfort because I have no one to provide it to me (dealing with pdd and childhood emotional neglect). I’ve been trying to build my support network but I am wondering if the piece I’m missing is what I need to be providing myself.

5) Please talk about dealing with hypersexuality as a result of childhood sexual abuse.  Most stuff that I've found on the topic always assume bipolar disorder. But I'm not bipolar so I find it difficult to relate to their advice.

6) How do you deal with the fear and anxiety of growing up? I just turned 19 and I feel very overwhelmed. I'm not the best at living in the moment because I'm so desperately trying to hold onto the things that brought me happiness in the past. I know it sounds morbid but I feel like I wasn't supposed to make it to this age like I'm never going to do something important enough to 'earn my spot' like at this point I'm just taking up space

7) I was diagnosed with CPTSD and I’m having trouble remembering the details of what happened. How can I process it if I can’t remember the details?

Video Version of this Podcast
https://youtu.be/DC7g8v2h0jg

Ordering Kati's book
Are u ok?
http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Kati's Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Opinions That Don't Matter! (2nd podcast)
video: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs58xfxPpjVARRuwjH8usfw
audio: https://opionstdm.buzzsprout.com/

BUSINESS EMAIL
[email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

Show Notes Transcript

This week on Ask Kati Anything, we're going over some great mental health questions! Put your headphones on and spend a little me time :)

1) How does a person regain confidence in themselves to do a certain job, when employers think they are worthless?

2) Hey Kati, I have been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now. I struggle with depression and my therapist said it may be time to see a psychiatrist. At this point, I'm tired of feeling shitty so I'll try anything. I'm so afraid of medication side effects though. For example, weight gain is a common issue but I have body image issues already and if I gain weight these issues might worsen.

3) How to set up healthy boundaries during this time?

4) Do comfort and solace have to come from within?  If so how the heck do you do it?  I think one of the reasons I binge eat is to provide myself comfort because I have no one to provide it to me (dealing with pdd and childhood emotional neglect). I’ve been trying to build my support network but I am wondering if the piece I’m missing is what I need to be providing myself.

5) Please talk about dealing with hypersexuality as a result of childhood sexual abuse.  Most stuff that I've found on the topic always assume bipolar disorder. But I'm not bipolar so I find it difficult to relate to their advice.

6) How do you deal with the fear and anxiety of growing up? I just turned 19 and I feel very overwhelmed. I'm not the best at living in the moment because I'm so desperately trying to hold onto the things that brought me happiness in the past. I know it sounds morbid but I feel like I wasn't supposed to make it to this age like I'm never going to do something important enough to 'earn my spot' like at this point I'm just taking up space

7) I was diagnosed with CPTSD and I’m having trouble remembering the details of what happened. How can I process it if I can’t remember the details?

Video Version of this Podcast
https://youtu.be/DC7g8v2h0jg

Ordering Kati's book
Are u ok?
http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Kati's Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Opinions That Don't Matter! (2nd podcast)
video: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs58xfxPpjVARRuwjH8usfw
audio: https://opionstdm.buzzsprout.com/

BUSINESS EMAIL
[email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

speaker 0:   0:00
you can ask her breakups suck or why you hit a but inquire off questions you boys want. Thio. Katie Anything? Hey, everybody. Welcome back to ask Katie anything. Um, today's actually been a good day. Do you know how like, during all of this panel Corona virus chaos it? Some days, unlike my brain, just may just can't like I can't focus. I can't do anything. Um, And I just feel like a turn on a log is what I always say. I dont know why thats the same Samuels have weird sayings shows in the comments. I would enjoy reading those, um but yes, because I just feel super unmotivated. Ah, and just not productive. And I know I've talked about this on my Katie Morton channel. Sorry. Need a little drinking water? About how? How? That is the reality that we're gonna have days where we don't feel good. We don't We can't focus. Um, even though I know there's a lot of, like, judgment online about. Like if you haven't come out of this with a new skill, then you're not lacking time. You're lacking motivation. Unlike dude, this isn't a fucking vacation like this is a crisis. Um, it's hard, It's stressful. And so anyway, long story short, I I finally feel like today's a good day. I don't know was like, a couple days ago, maybe two or three days ago, I was like, I feel like a rounded the corner. I don't know if any of you been feeling this way, but the first, like I mean, what day is it? I'm like, This is a recording this the Tuesday before this goes live. So in two days, you guys will hear this and see this, Um, but it's been over a month. It's been like, five or six weeks now that Shawn and I haven't really left our apartment, like for much. Um, and at the beginning, it was really hard, like that adaptation or the adjustment to it was just hard for me, and I would just want to sleep a lot, and I don't know part of it. I think it's just like the stress response. But it also could be a little bit of anxiety and depression and just stuff. So and I feel like a couple days ago it rounded the corner and I feel a little bit better, but who knows? Tomorrow I could be back, you know, feeling like crap. So I don't think that you're you know, I don't want you to compare how you're doing toe how I'm doing. I'm just trying to hopefully share my experience and maybe validate some of what you've been feeling over the course of these two crazy, crazy months. Um, so I pulled off. If any of you are wondering or your new welcome, um, I pulled the questions off of my Katie Morton YouTube channel community tab where I asked you for questions last time cause there were so many good questions still in there, and there's a ton of them. Um, but just so you know, for next week, I will will post a new post anything. Maybe I'll do it under this community tab. I'm not sure what's easiest for you guys, but I think that makes more sense when it's, like, all on the same channel. So on the opinions that don't matter this podcast chant podcast channel. Wow. Wow. Maybe today is not as good of a days. I thought it was gonna be, um, but anyway, keeping it all on the podcast channel. I don't know. I just want to make sure I got tons of questions and everybody saw it. And I know this channel. Just it's just a baby were growing up. Um, anyway, so all I'm saying is make sure you notifications turned on so that you know what? I'm asking for those questions, because I do. I do read through them. I do pull from them, and I want to hear from you. So yeah, so there's that. Okay, let's get in your questions, because that's what you're here for. Um, also today random random rant. Random rant Number one. Um, today is actually really nice day. I hope it's warming up where you are, too. I know that even for me, it kind of makes it harder to stay inside. I'm like, Wow, it's such a nice day. I should get out. But then I'm like, No, the Corona virus. I should stay inside. Um, so it's almost more helpful for me when it's raining. So I'm like, Oh, I don't really feel bad about staying inside, Um, but either way, I feel like the sun makes my mood better. And if I just go out and let it hit my face for, like, 10 15 minutes. That's good. Or sit in front of the window. What hit my face? That's all good to, um, So if you're craving that sunshine, know that you still can get it. Even though we're isolating. Want pump? Okay, let's get into those questions. Ah, question number one. Katie. How does a person regain confidence in themselves to do a certain job when employers think they're worthless? I really enjoyed this question. I also enjoyed some of the conversation around it. There are a lot of replies or people were saying that their boss knew about their mental illness and didn't take it seriously or thought that they weren't as effective because of that or judgment, all sorts of shit. And I mean, not that this is like answering the question, but there's always gonna be assholes out there. There's always gonna be bosses who are dicks who make everyone's life harder. There's always gonna be people who are more judgmental or don't like anyone else to do to do well. Don't they only want to do well themselves? You know, they're just all about them. Um, and I know that sucks. I had bosses like that myself back in the day, one of my first jobs out of undergrad. Was it the worst place to work out, like people would get hired and fired or quit like all the time? And that's one of the first signs of, like, a really bad, unhealthy work environment. So if you are in an unhealthy work environment, I know right now it's really difficult because a lot people are already out of work. So this might not be the timeto like quit that job. But if you are in a position where you know that you can laterally move somewhere else or you could just move into a different part of that business, we have a different manager. Those are all things you can ask for. Those are all things that you should advocate for yourself for because no one should have to stay into a job that is emotionally abusive or abusive in any fashion. Um, and so this sounds kind of abusive. Just want to put that out there first. So when it comes to us regaining confidence in ourselves, the truth is that we have to just because this one employer thinks we're worthless, or is this shit talking us or being a horrible human? That doesn't mean you have to believe that, like hook, line and sinker. I think that it's important for us to look for evidence to support that we're good at a job, and I think that's kind of part of that positive self talk, because when we've been told that were bad or worthless, it's something for so long. We tend to take those like outside perspectives or even just thoughts that we personally have. And we accept them as fact when they're actually just thoughts or someone else's perception of a situation or someone's judgment or someone's self hatred coming out towards us. And so that's why it's important that we don't just believe things as they are. We actually look for evidence. Um, and you guys know how much I love crime, Ah, shows and mystery shows, and so it's like you get to be a detective. You get to be like Olivia Benson or I don't know, um, Barnaby in Midsomer murders, because I love that show to, um anyways, or he could be like Jake Peralta in the Brooklyn 99 another good detective. So be a detective. Four things that prove that you're good at the job and you are capable. And if it's hard for you to be like I'm good because you've felt like your worthless or whatever we might you have to use, like some bridge statements or bridge evidence where it's like, Hey, I have proof that I'm not terrible, that this doesn't mean I'm great, but I proof I'm not terrible. And then we moved from that. Like, I have proof that I'm actually pretty decent, like I did this and it worked out. It wasn't, like, amazing, like there were a couple things that I had to fix but is decent, like if I was a teacher, give myself, like a c Awesome. So you're working your way towards it? Because regaining confidence, um, takes time, especially if we believed like it. Sounds like you believe this employer, you took it to heart, and it really hurt your own self worth and confidence and so have to build up back from the inside. And then I would encourage you to leave that job if you can't or report that boss or employer if you have an HR department, and you have the ability to do that anonymously. Remember always, you know, see why a cover your ass first, make sure that it's all confidential. If you're a really, really small office, then there's probably no way that they can actually keep it confidential. They're going to know, even if they don't know, you know, So just consider all of your options, but know that you always have the right to choose what you're allowing in your life. Like that's why I talk about boundaries. So much is because boundaries air, like the easiest way to describe boundaries, is like in regard to property, right, like this is my property line. Like my parents and I, we live on this property, or Sean and I live in this apartment. Outside of that wall is outside my boundary, right? It's outside of property. But when it comes to psychological boundaries, it's more about what we will allow someone to do to us with us and what we won't allow. And then it also stipulates what we will do as a result of them not abiding by it. So consider that when it comes to work and what you'll allow. Like if this employers a piece of garbage and they always talking down to you, maybe everybody else around them. A lot of times people who are just garbage people tended to spew it to everyone. Then I would, you know, talk to your boss, find out when that boss is coming in or when you're gonna have to interact with them. If you know they're scheduled, then maybe those were the days that you're like, Oh, hey, I have a personal appointment, You know, You get out of there or you pop to the bathroom really quick. I think there are a lot of ways to limit the amount of time you have to see them limit the amount interactions you have. Um, this is if you can't, like, report them and you can't quit your job. Um, but really, to back to the confidence, because maybe I feel like I'm getting off topic, which happens, and I apologize. Um, back on topic to that question, like regaining confidence is really looking for evidence, talking more kindly to ourselves and using those bridge statements if we have to. Um And I'm sorry that you had to deal with that, God having a bad boss. It's like sometimes I don't know if you guys feel this way, but everyone some Well, especially in being in the YouTube space. I'll come across YouTubers who've never had, like, a regular job like they legitimately started the YouTube channel, which is No, this is no hate. It's just like they started their YouTube channel when they were in school. And then they got out of school and they just continue to do it cause they already making enough money to support themselves. And so they never have, like, a shitty boss. And then they complain all the time about YouTube in the complaint about having to create him. And I'm like, Dude, you have no idea used have this boss that sap. So my desk, my little cubicle, my back faced her office and she would keep her door open and periodically if she would see me just like not typing or not moving. This is before, like, cell phones were so such a big thing. But I'd guarantee now she like, if she sees her person pick up the phone, she would like shout from her office. But Katie What do you daily like all the time? It was horrible. It was, like super stressful job and super anxiety provoking. And that's why people quit their cause. Everybody's an asshole. Um, so anyways, find off topic again. I apologize. Um, but, you know, finding ways to think more positively if you're able to find a better boss, Better job. If you could even laterally move throughout your company, I would look into doing that. If you're a large corporation, I would encourage you to go through HR and file a complaint. And if other people in your office or are talking and complaining to you about the boss is well, I would encourage them to file a complaint as well. Um, you don't to tell them that you're doing it, but I would just say, Hey, you know, there's power in numbers. The more we complain, the more likely we are to get that person kicked out. And that's the truth. So take action where you can. I think often when we're in jobs, we feel like we don't have any. Um, I don't even know what the word I'm looking for. But like power for lack is like power in that situation. But we do. We have to take action where we can. There are certain things that are out of our control, but we do have some control. Um, so take that back. Okay, Good. I hope that that was thorough enough, and I didn't get off topic too much for you guys. That's just how my brain has been lately. I think it's like, I don't know, the lack of focus. Maybe. Maybe it's. And maybe maybe it's my stress response. I'm not sure. Are you feeling that way too? Has it been hard for you? Let me know. OK, Question number two Hey, Katie. I have been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now. I struggle with depression, and my therapist said it may be time to see a psychiatrist. Definitely possible. At this point, I'm tired of feeling shitty, so I'll try anything I'm so afraid of. Medication side effects, though. For example, weight gain is a common issue, but I have a body image issue already, and if I gain weight, these issues might worsen. Oh my God, You're like if I got a nickel every time someone said this to me about worried about weight gain and answered a presence. Oh, I'd be a rich lady. Um, if you don't know, I specialize in eating disorders and self injury. Um, someone even sort of patients always bring this up. What if I gain anything? Any pound? They're like, Oh, my God. Um, which I understand eating disorders air horrible. And they, like, invade all of our thoughts and our brain space, so I totally get it. Um, but the thing about psychiatry and medication is there's shit on options. So you can talk to the psychiatrist. I would encourage all of you if you're going to see someone. Or if you are considering taking medication, start writing down. What symptoms bother you? If it's depression, it might be like I feel lethargic. I don't enjoy anything. I struggle to concentrate. Um, I don't know. I have a lot of negative self talk. I have thoughts of death or suicide. Whatever it ISS start writing those things down so that when you go to the psychiatrist, you're like, hey, dude, or do that. These are the symptoms that I'm feeling. This is what's going on with me. Um, I'm not really four medication. It's OK to tell them like, Hey, I really worry about the side effects. Can you walk me through the side effect profiles of these medications like cause they're going to say, like, Hey, recommend you taken SSR snr I, which is like an antidepressant or an atypical, which, you know people used to treat depression also adjunctive Lee with other things. So when they talk about those medications, you can say, Hey, what are the side effect? Profiles for them, And can I look at them and read about them before you make a decision and call you with my thoughts totally fair? Or can I see you next week? And we do a follow up where I decide what medication I want to be on or even if I want medication. All remember, it's your treatment, and it's your, uh, your decision. It's your body, so make sure it's one that you're okay with, and that's why keeping your symptoms written down and bringing those in talking that through with, um, asking questions, Write down the questions you're worried about weight gain Some of the most common side effects when it comes to anti depressants or things like nausea, dizziness, um, and in weight gain is very common as well. Lack of sexual drive like it can take your libido. So those are things that you might want to ask about and also, like once we've decided on one, we need to give it a fair trial run. Unless the side effects are like horribly, horribly difficult. You can't function with them like I've had patients who, because there are some scary side effects, very, very rare. But things you should talk to your doctor about ask questions about all side effects. But I've had patients who get on a drug, and they have a headache that next day they're like, I don't want take it anymore And I'm like, Hey, we don't know if it's coming from that. Call the doctor, Ask your your psychiatrist about it, and when you want to give it, if we can. If it's not like migraine level and you know, maybe it'll go away, we need to figure that out. But if we need to give it like a good 34 five, Ideally, I like my patients to try a medication for two months before ruling it out. Um, and that's again not say if it's side effects were terrible and uncomfortable, and you can't live with them. I'm just saying, if it's a minor side effect for like, oh, I just feel a little ah, nauseous, But it kind of goes away by 10 a.m. R I don't know. They're things that we can live with because sometimes those side effects go away. And so, too, are depression symptoms. So just ask the questions, talk to your psychiatrist and know that we're gonna do the best we can aside. There are a lot of side effects for different medications, but as long as we're informed, we make an informed decision, Um, it'll be a good one, and I truly believe that body image issues and depression like, yes, they rolled together. However, if you don't have, if it lifts the depression, the body image issues will still be there. But it it's not gonna make your depression worse. It's something that you need to discuss. It might be a bigger issue. Might actually have nothing to do with the Depression at all. It might be eating disorder driven. Those are the things that I'd be curious about, Um, but at the end of the day, I think is the Depression is still getting its still bad. Even seen it there first for year. I think it's worth I'm glad that you're open to seeing someone I think it's worth looking into. It's worth asking questions, um, and then see what fits for you. But that's it's important to track our symptoms. So when we start a medication, we can see how we do. We can see how we improve or what's going on. Um, and then we know if it's working, customized, we forget, like I can tell you how many times I patients who've been on medications for, I don't know, let's say, a year or something and they're like, I don't think I need it anymore. I think I'm feeling super good. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts, and depression has lifted well, but whatever it is, and I'll say Okay, cool. Talk to your psychiatrist. Don't stop it on your own. Have them titrate you down. And let's see if your symptoms come back. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. But we often forget what it was like before because now we feel so good and that that's why medication exists anyway. Again, I feel like I'm getting a little off topic. But for any of you out there who are considering medication, I see medication as it's obviously very necessary for a lot of people. However, for some of us who may be have been doing okay and then we're in a deep pit where we just feel like it's getting worse and worse and worse. Um, it's like a life raft. It keeps us above water so that we can do the tools and the techniques and things that are. Therapist is asking to us to Dio will be able to do those so that we can get better. And then hopefully we conclude titrate off the medication later with, you know, consulting our doctor. But medication does not, for most of us does not have to be a lifetime thing. It just allows us the breathing space to be able to work on ourselves. Does that make sense? So don't think that, um, you know, by going to see a psychiatrist, you have to accept the medication that they recommend that you can't ask questions. Those that's all false we can ask questions. We can say we don't want anything. We can say We need a week to think about it. Can we call in? Because oftentimes they'll let you call, and you talk to one of their nurses or staff will consult with the doctor and call in the prescription later. If if you did want something, um, because they already seen you, they've already assessed or whatever. So yeah, ask questions. Tell them your concerns. A lot of medications don't have weight gain. Um, and so, Yeah, I think we'll be okay. One thing at a time. Make, you know, make your own decision based on your own symptoms and how you're doing. Um, and even, you know, talking with your therapist. But again, making those lists with the symptoms with the questions is very, very important. I have been talking a lot today, and I feel like my throat's gonna be sort later from all the all the jibber jabbering. Okay, Okay. Question number three. Now this one's a good one to all your questions are always good. You guys, By the way, um, how do I set up healthy boundaries during this time? Oh, my God. I've heard this question so many times in so many different ways. We're all struggling cause we're stuck. It can feel very stuck. Like I have to be at home. Maybe with, uh, parents, friends, family, roommates, whomever that we just don't like or don't get along with or we've just been together for too long. We need some goddamn space. I get it. I get it. I get it. Um, and so the best way, regardless of who you live with, whether this is roommate apparent, a sibling, whatever. Ah, friend, Maybe some of you are, like, you know, quarantine together with some friends. Boundaries have to be communicated. No one can read our minds. I know this sucks would be helpful if someone create our minds. But sometimes it's not good for you Go to read our minds, cause they were like, I don't really want them to know. I think that So just remember, people can't read our minds. We can't have expectations with no communication, because I just leads to resentment. So just pay attention to that. Remember that. Okay. We can't have expectations without communication. That will just lead to presentment. Got it. So when it comes to healthy boundaries, The first thing that we need to do is figure out what we actually need. That's reasonable, because if we live in like, a studio apartment with two other people were not gonna be able to say like, Hey, you can't come in this this part of the apartment, cause there's not many places to go. You can't be around me, um, or walk in my space for, you know, three hours or something. That's not reasonable. We need to set some reasonable parameters like, Hey, every day, I'm gonna go, Um, I don't know, into the bathroom. I'll check and make sure you both have gone p or whatever before. I just need my alone time. I'm gonna sit in there and read for for 30 minutes. Is that okay? I think most reasonable people be like, Yeah, sure. Just give me a heads up so I could pee before you go in there and then just do your thing, Um or, you know, we need to communicate that like, Hey, I don't like to be woken up at this time or that time or whatever we have to express to them. What it is we're expecting What? What it is we need in a clear and healthy manner, Not when we're upset. The worst thing we can do is try to communicate about things when we're already angry, because then we've already lost her. Cool. So we're going to, uh, used like what? I don't even know. I forget the word that I called it. It's like, um, like, extreme language. There is a better word that I used in my book, but, um, it's like extreme language. Re like you always do this, and you never did it. A We don't want to use that. That shuts down any kind of actual communication. We need to use I statements or to take it back to us like, Hey, I've been having a hard time and because we're stuck at home with the quarantine And so I would really just appreciate, like, a 30 minute quiet time for myself. Like I would like Teoh read a book. I'd like to have my turn at the television. I'd like to I don't know, whatever it ISS, so consider what it is that you need. What are these boundaries? What are the expectations? What are the things you're wanting. Take the time when it's not emotionally charged times. We can use our wise mind, and we're going to communicate that. And you could Bert practice what you want to say? Write it out. Role play. Um, before you say anything to them, it's OK to practice. So then you like, feel more comfortable and confident when you say it, Um, and then we have to do what's called like, upholding and follow up. So even though we've told people like, Hey, any that lets say back to my example like I need 30 minutes in the bathrooms. That's our only private space. I'm gonna shut the door. I'd like to read or journal for 30 minutes. If you could just leave me alone during that time, that would really, really help. You know, sometimes someone might all of a sudden have to go to the bathroom or forget that you're in there in that 30 minute window and knock on the door, open it up or whatever, and that's not the time to get angry and said that's the time to say, Hey, I'm This was my 30 minute personal time, you know, do you mind. And if they're like, Hey, I'm so sorry, I just don't feel well or oh, I've totally forgot. It's OK, it's OK. It's just, you know, I just really need this time. Thanks for understanding so that we're not attacking, were seeking to communicate, and we're setting expectations with them, and we hope that they do the same. I think when we're coming out with our boundaries and talking about it with our roommates are our family. I think it's important for everyone to get a chance to talk about it. What's okay? What's not okay? And this is always, obviously keeping in mind that like or not even keeping in mind, assuming that the people in our family or in our living space are actually good people and not toxic horrible, hateful things, people say things. That's that's how I feel about it, hateful things. But that's assuming that. So that's like best case scenario. Worst case is that you have someone that's toxic or narcissistic, who gives no shits about your boundaries, and when it comes to that, all we can do is communicate and uphold and say, I'm not gonna talk to you when you're like this or this is my my alone time. I know it sucks, but do the best you can to not get angry. Don't give them what they want. Don't cave to their asks or desires. Just hold the line. And sometimes I mean, the best thing you can do in those toxic situations has become a broken record. So you're like, I'm not gonna talk to you when you're like this. I told you, I'm not gonna talk to you and your like this when you more calm, we can have this discussion and just keep over and over he say, Or if you say, Hey, this was other 30 minutes of private time that I asked for. I'm not gonna open the door, you know, I told you. And if they But please, I want to talk. I told you, this is my 30 minutes of private time. So you know I'm not gonna open the door. I already let you know about this. I warned you before even came in here. You know that and just become a broken record. Then you can don't even have to keep talking to them about it. If they keep like just trying, thinking they're gonna chip away at you, which some people do. You don't have to respond or if they try to gaslight and they're like, Oh, you didn't actually say that. You never let me know you're remembering it wrong or whatever we could be like. No, I mean, you might think that, but that's not what happened. And we don't even have to engage. I don't have to talk about it. So I hope that that kind of gives you, Ah, some examples and ideas over different scenarios because I know all of us are in different situations. Whether we're back at home with a family that's just trying to hold it together, argues a little normal kind of healthy stuff. Then there's people who are in, like, toxic, abusive situations. And then there's those of us, like with roommates and somewhere in the middle, where it's like, Oh, we just never spent this much time together so we have to communicate about what that's gonna look like. Um, just remember that no one can read our minds expectations without communication or just resentments in the making. Okay, let's have a little more water. We're making some good time here. Okay. Question number four. Does comfort and solace have to come from within? If so, how the heck do you do it? I think one of the reasons I binge eat this, provide myself with comfort. Yes, because I have no one to provide it to me. Um, dealing with PDD and childhood emotional neglect. I've been trying to build my support network, but I'm wondering if the peace I'm missing is what I need to be providing myself. Um, so I think and P d d is that. I want to make sure that I'm I want to know what that means. I don't want to Like, I don't want to misquote it, So I'm gonna look it up here. Pervasive developmental disorders. Okay, so that's like, you know, if you grew up with a developmental disorder, I thought so, but I didn't want to miss. It's so many acronyms. You guys in the middle whole space, So does comfort and solace have to come from within? Yes. And that doesn't mean that it's like it always comes from within, even if it's like an external thing. So let's say that I like to wrap up in a blanket and listen to calming music while I color. I'm doing a lot of external things, but the calming and the solace, the comfort it comes from within. It's actually a state of being. I can't, um, and I can't have someone else do it for me. I have to do it for myself. Does that make sense? So it's It's like, comes from within, and it comes from us. We have to do it for ourselves. Um, and so the second part of the question that, if so, how the heck do you do it? And binge eating is you guys. It's so common that any kind of eating disorder, but more by and large, the binge eaters and whether it's bulimia or binge eating disorder. My patients who struggle with that tend to talk about it as a comfort as a soothe, and so know that there is a direct correlation with that's very, very common. Um, but we're gonna have to find another way to calm our system down. That has nothing to do with food, because we know if any of you been in that binge restrict or orders binging cycle that that leads us to feeling worse about ourselves, and there's that guilt and shame and embarrassment. And then we won't need to soothe again. And so we overeat again and it just kind of go around and run around, and we'd never actually feel better. The soothing only happens for like, let's say it. Maybe five minute window, most maybe 30 minute window before you know those negative voices start getting to us. So look for other ways to soothe, and I think the way that you do that is, well, there's a couple of things gladly doing a ton of research on this because of the Corona virus and people feeling panicked and stressed out and just overwhelmed. Um, true connection to another human is the antidote. That's actually the easiest way for our body to soothe itself. I know it's crazy, and if you don't have someone that's just like a first option, if you have a therapist, if you have a friend, Ideally, it's more than a therapist because we're not available all the time. I would like you to have, like, at least one or two other people that you can reach out to to connect with in connection doesn't have to be us venting or us getting support. It could just be that conversation like I call my mom and I just talked to her about what I'm up to today and what's happened. Ask her about her day like very casual. Not even a deep conversation. But just that connection with someone I love That I know loves me, and it's a very trusting, loving relationship. I can be sued through that, and you can, too. So if there are a couple people, that's like my first, uh, I guess tool or tidbit or advice is to connect, and it's It's something to with our vagus nerve and the way that our system calls itself down. But it works like like a charm, so try that first. But if that's not possible, you know, for a lot of you, you're probably I don't have any people like that. And people in my life have been abusive and not helpful. Um, and then another way to provide provide comfort is environment. Um, this could be making your lighting a little bit softer at home. It could be getting comfortable, cozy pajamas or a weighted blanket. Those air always to self soothe. That could be, um, starting a new ritual at home. Like I know we're at home all the time right now. But back in regular life, let's say when we got home from work or school, we had a ritual, or we we started off the tee up the teapot to make tea or or something like coffee or whatever we go in. We change our clothes, we wash our face, we put in our pajamas. Then we get the tea and then we sit and we decompress for the day. Then we start dinner. I'm just making things up. Whatever ritual or routine works for you. But there's something stressful in our brain. I mean, we all know this. It could be stressful to try to remember all the things you have to do in a day, right, because we can feel very scattered. We don't feel very focused or very calm. So if we have a routine or ritual or a list when we get home, that's our list. So we go through it. We look at it, we check things off. Did I do to this This this this perfect? So that way our brain doesn't have to focus on. It doesn't have to remember. We know we've got the list, and that could be soothing and calming. Also. That's why routines and rituals even associate with eating disorder behaviour, self injury. I'm talking too much. You guys is making me on. It's not you, it's me, I swear. So all of those rituals and routines are part of what makes it so calming and self soothing. And so let's try to come up with healthy ones. Um, and then I think the it's connecting with yourself to figure out what if those are ideas you're like, I don't like any of that, and that all sounds terrible. Then consider what has soothed you in the past. What feels good for you? Like, for instance, one of my close friends loves to swim. That's actually how she like part of herself. Care, cause it's it's soothing to her minds are of when she was a teenager, she swam a lot, and even as a kid, it's just one of those things that, like calmed her down so she is feeling super stressful. Hop over to like the Y M. C. A or her gym and go swimming. So think about what would be calming for you. What are some things that were suited in the past? Is it music? Think of your five senses. Is it something that a smell like lavender tends to be a pretty calming? Um, maybe it's like a certain candle that you have lied. There's all sorts of Maybe it's like doesn't think of touch right? Like comfortable pajamas or a blanket or a fluffy pillow. Those things could be good. Think of taste like a camomile tea because this person struggles also with, like eating. I would encourage you to be very cautious about what the taste things are. I would encourage it to be just like a a beverage, like tea or something like that, and not alcohol, because alcohol ends up not really making our system calm down because it can cause when our system is trying to process alcohol and detox from it, it could make our heart race. And that can mimic anxiety because of another salutes. No, actually, Call me. Um, it's a short lived calm for long term detox. Um, yeah, but think of all your five senses and try to come up with some things, and if any of you are watching us on YouTube, you can leave in the comments. Are there certain things that you do to calm yourself down? I used to love to color like the feeling of the crown on that paper just felt really good to me. So think about it. Figure it out for you. Do something that feels good and no, that yes, it's gonna take like five of those positive ones to negate that urge to binge eat. That's unfortunately just how our brain works. But it will get easier and easier as we put off that binge eating urge. Also, impulse logs. If you want a Google, those could be helpful if we struggle with urges to binge eat or any eating disorder behaviour, really. But you can just Google impulse logs you want to fill out like the day in time that that impulse occurred. What was the impulse? What are three feelings that we're feeling? What do we think led up to this urge? Um, what are some things that we can do instead? And then we need do two things instead, wait 30 minutes and then you can do whatever you want. Um, I know that's really, really quick, but I talk about this and a lot of videos, so I don't want to belabor it was like, this is what An impulse slogans, But you can look them up. Okay. Um, okay. And then I see what they're saying is like, I've been trying to build my support network, but I'm wondering if the peace I'm missing is what I need to providing myself. Yeah, there are some things we can do ourselves. A lot of it is like meditation also works. And even some of that, like calming self talk like Montrose, work for me. Because sometimes if I'm feeling really overwhelmed, I'll be like you're here and you're OK or you're home and you're safe. Or, you know, there's certain things that we can say that can calm us down. But it's OK to look outside. I actually think that the support network is the number one, Um because that for some reason, the way that we're wired is that connection is soothing. And I would I venture to say, based on conversations I've had with my friend Dr Elects Altman, who is a trauma specialist. She references how, when we're Children, the sucking and swallowing of being fed through a bottle or breastfeeding or whatever. Um, our brain is wired to soothe So sucky Candies like little, um, I don't even know. Like life savers, for instance, um, that can mimic the feeding that you would experience as a child. That same sucking, swallowing technique. And, um, it calls our system down. And so from birth were wired for connection. We're wired to look into the eyes of someone that feeds us, and part of that is, like so that we survive so that they keep feeding us. But also part of it's just like, uh, developing further, like developing our attachment and developing our connection to people and feeling part of something all that's important to be inhuman and being, um, a being on this world. And so I think that there are certain things you we can give to ourselves to is comforting to soothe. But the support network is number one. So keep doing that. It will get easier. But hopefully those other things were helpful to Okay, question over five. Another great question. Please talk about dealing with hypersexuality as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Most stuff I found on the topic always assumes bipolar disorder, which is it is a symptom of potential, like mania and bipolar disorder. But I'm not bipolar. Um, and so I find it difficult to relate to their advice. So I think Okay, Couple things unpacked here. First of all, hypersexuality as a result of childhood sexual abuse is very, very common. People just don't talk about it because the stigma shame, the embarrassment, all the things that come along with it, the missing, the lack of information and understanding, which is kind of, I mean, back to the root of why I started my channels just so that people know it's okay, how you're feeling, what you're doing. It's normal. Even if you feel like it's unhealthy. There's something we can do, and it doesn't make you crazy. It doesn't mean that your unfixable or something wrong with you. We all have things wrong with us. No one's perfect. We're all works in progress. We just have to understand and work to feel better, right? So, yes, I want to address the fact that a lot of those with bipolar disorder If you don't understand bipolar disorder, you could get on my YouTube channel. Katie Morton, Or to search on YouTube? Katie Morton. Bipolar disorder. I have videos about it, um, those with bipolar, usually bipolar one. Meaning that they actually have full blown mania. People with bipolar. Two who don't have full blown mania. They have hypo mania, and they have more depressive symptoms. It can happen there, too, but most of at least my experience in the hospitals and in my private practice, my patients with bipolar one when they go into mania tend to be super impulsive. Um, they could be hyper sexualized. They can spend a lot of money. They just make. They have really, really poor decision making skills, and they have a shit ton energy to go along with it so it could be really detrimental to their relationships, Um, and their own like confidence. I've had patients over the years that are super embarrassed about what they did when the romantic and we have to manage that while we slide into depression. It's really hard, and it's really terrible, and that's what we're talking about here. But I just want to address that so If you find yourself in that bucket, you understand why it's really it's to do with the bipolar disorder itself and how it affects your brain. How affects your decision making and what mania is? Um, And like I said at videos that go into more depth about that. But to this person's question, hypersexuality as a result of childhood sexual abuse is very common for a few reasons. Number one if we are when we're Children. Kind of what I was just talking about that sucking and swallowing the attachment that we want and we crave and we actually need as humans doesn't make us needy or weird. We need it. It's just part of the way that we're wired. Okay, so that we need that connection. And if when we're trying to form those connections were told that sex is a part of that, we don't understand enough to know that sex is something that should be consensual between adults and whatever. All we know is that this is how love is shown to us, is how attachment is shown, and we can also be told some very manipulative and abusive messages like no one understands our love or if you tell anybody, I'll kill you and your family. I don't know. There's a lot of things over the years I've heard, um, and so that can really affect how we what we associate with connection with attachment. Ah, with belonging or with love, it can get very confusing. And so we can almost all of those things, like attachment, love all, you know, things I was talking about. Those can all lead back to sex for us because we don't know how else to express it. We don't know what else we're supposed to do to feel valid, seen important. So that's one reason, Okay, there's a lot of them, by the way. So don't think that if you're doesn't fit into one of these buckets, that it's wrong. I'm just trying to get some examples. So that's one reason. Another reason we can be hyper sexualized as a result of our childhood sexual abuse is like a I take control now had a lot of patients over the years, especially my eating disorder patients who have co morbidity with, like, ah, the meaning that they have PTSD. But then they also have an eating disorder, maybe even some addiction. You know, they have a lot of different things going on. Um, they've talked about how as a child, even if they said no, or maybe as a teenager, let's say, um, you know, we were raped or sexually assaulted Even though they said no, it didn't matter and they were taken advantage of and so they can feel like now I'm in control and I decide, and so they become kind of not necessarily like a dominatrix or anything like that, but they become hyper sexualized is a way to be like, No, I own this now I've decided. I said, I want this life. I've had a lot of patients in the past who had years as sex workers. That's what they that's the way they kind of coped. And I'm not saying all sex workers are have suffered from childhood sexual abuse, but a lot of them have, and it's a it's a ownership thing. It's a it's my body. I do what I want and that can also swing. So that's one kind of extreme right, and we can swing in the other. Extreme life had many patients who are like I think I'm a sexual. I'm not saying that doesn't exist on its own. I'm just saying that it can be as a result of this as well, where they're like, I don't want to be touching me. I don't find anybody sexually attractive. It's not Ah, LGBT, You know, it's nothing to do with, like, I'm not gay. I'm not by I don't like people at all. I don't want anybody touching me, and that's kind of taking back the ownership of my body. Um, and so I can kind of go both ways, and then another potential reason is to better understand. I know that that sounds weird, but when, uh, some of my patients who've struggled with childhood sexual abuse still don't know how to process it, And so being hyper sexualized is like like I know, and I know what some of your like what, but it's giving our body and brain another opportunity to process what happened. That's the same reason, like I'm not. These are equal. Okay, I'm gonna tell you two examples. These are equal, the one that I just mentioned, that we can be hyper sexualized as a way to try to process the pain and the trauma in the same way that if we had an abusive parent, we get into another abusive relationship like another romantic relationship or with a friend. And why Why is that cycle where we back in this? Why are we in the same relation where our brain is trying to give us another opportunity to process all that shit we went through? And so those are just a few of the examples as to why, um, we could be hyper sexualized as a result of childhood sexual abuse. And the best way that we can cope with it is to see a therapist, like, if you have the ability, please see a trauma specialist, um, or someone who deals a lot with childhood sexual abuse. Um, usually it is there's an acronym, and they just like, make it C s a childhood sexual abuse. They, like, shorten it down so you can search for that in books. Um, the courage to heal workbook is a great place to start. That's a great way to manage all that can come up with this, um, and also even teach you how to heal to have a healthy sex life as an adult or even if I mean it, have a loving relationship with someone. And it's consensual sex, like, how do we process that? How do we talk about it with our partner? Um, so I think that's really, really great. And so I think my my advice overall is to talk to someone and to process it and also to as much as you can let go of the shame embarrassment. Ah, whatever it is that you're feeling as a result of judgment because this is just part of your process. This is how you're trying to cope with what happened, and there's no right or wrong way to do that when we don't have any guidance, right? We're just kind of feeling around in the dark trying to figure it out. You did the best you could with what you have, and this is how you coped with it and and that's okay. And if you don't like that because, like I said, I have, I've had patients and viewers over the years, told me about being a sex worker and enjoying it and wanting to keep doing it. There's and I have no, there's no shame against that. Hey, whatever helps you feel good, Whatever you is empowering to you, that's not for me to judge. But if this is something that's hindering your relationships, it's hindering your life. It's something you have shame and embarrassment about. Then that's when we should try to figure it out, which tried to work on it. We should try to find some other healthier ways to cope and process, which a trauma specialist will, especially someone who does a lot of childhood sexual abuse work, will know and understand. Um, And if you struggle to find someone who was in that speciality, I think a great way to go about it is to, um, is to call, I don't know if you guys have it depends, but like some of the domestic violence hotlines or abuse hotlines, if you call and ask them, I know that sounds crazy, but a lot of people have these lists of referrals. You can tell them like hey out. You know, I'm a survivor of this, and I really just looking for someone in my area you don't know. You might find like a free clinic like I used to work in. Um North Hollywood at this clinic. Um, we didn't specialize in trauma or anything, but we did a lot of court mandated therapy. Um, most of it was for free. Someone like 20 bucks a session. I think the most I ever made was, like, $40 a session. You guys, so they'll work with you. We can figure it out. Um, but that may be a great way to find a resource. Okay, Because it does get better. Don't worry. And like I said, there's no shame in this. It's just we all find different ways to cope. I am moving slow today. I'm sorry. I'm talking a lot. It's just that's just how it is. Some days are like that. Okay, Question number six. How do you deal with the fear and anxiety of growing up? I just turned 19 and I feel very overwhelmed. I'm not the best that living in the moment because I am so desperately trying to hold on to the things that brought me happiness in the past. I know it sounds morbid, but I feel like I wasn't supposed to make it to this age, like I'm never going to do something important enough to earn my spot like a this point. I'm just taking up space. When I read this question, first of all, all these questions about a lot of thumbs up, meaning you're not alone. If you're the one that asked this question, So many people had the same questions. Same concern, same worries. I think just a great way to remember that we're in this together, that we're all connected and that, you know, I know we feel isolated and alone, but we're not. And when I read this, though, the first thought was depression. That sounds a lot like depression to me. Now I'm not diagnosing you. I'm not saying that's what you have, but I do think that you could benefit from, um from seeing someone from seeing a therapist. Maybe try like talks based Better help. Even the crisis text line that 7417 for one, those are great ways to reach out and cheaper ways. The talks, based on better help, are cheaper online therapy options. Um, you can even just do like the email or texting, or you could do the you know, the one on one like Skype or FaceTime video tracks. Um, so that was my first thought, because the that was supposed to make it his age. I'm never going to do something important that those all sound like self deprecating, bad, like I don't feel good about who I am. I don't I don't feel motivated. Depression, depression, depression, Um, and then so going back to the fear and anxiety of growing up. I think. I mean, therapy is the best thing, and I really think that there's something in there. There's some falsely held belief, and that's like such a therapist where, But it really means there's a belief from somewhere in your life. Usually it's like childhood, where you were told that that you're not good enough or you're never gonna be enough or all you do is get in the way. You're never smart enough, strong enough, you know, whatever. Enough, enough, enough. You're never enough, and I'm just guessing that there's some belief like that. Like I'm worthless. I'm never enough. I'm not sure something in that realm, and out of that belief has come. This I don't want to grow up because that's all going to come true. Which isn't true by the way. That's why it's a falsely held belief. Meaning is not true at all. It's like things that we were told either verbally said Tow us things in our environment that we thought quote unquote proved it repeated thoughts that we had, that we took his beliefs and that all just feeds into that falsely, helpfully, from childhood that were not good enough. No, you know, all of the things, whatever it is for you. Um and so the real way to deal with this is to start unpacking it. And I know a lot of your like, Well, shit, that's so much work and yes, unpacked. I understand. Trust me. I've been in therapy forever, and it's a lot of fucking hard work. And as soon as I think it's over and I take a break like six months later, I'm like, Shit, I'm doing something else I don't like. And this isn't benefiting me or anybody else. Um, so yes, working on yourself in improving is is hard. It's really, really hard, but totally worth it. We only like the most important relationship in our lives is the one we have with ourselves, and I think for the person has this question and everybody, really. We need to invest in that relationship, so get to know yourself. What is it? Being a therapist is fun because I love being a detective. I love the detective stuff, but I love asking questions of being curious about things. So there's no judgment, right? You turn 19 you feel very overwhelmed. That's OK. It's a very overwhelming time. It's a big transition. We're supposed to be like quote unquote adults. But I'm 36 still don't feel like an adult. So what does that mean and like, What am I doing my life? What? I want to be a my going to school? What? It was my major. What if I suck it that so many questions? Trust me, I've been there, too. We can even go through these phases when we're like in our forties or fifties. Who am I? What's happening? What does that You know, That's okay. There's no limit to, you know, like midlife crises. We can have crazies anytime. So, um and I don't mean that to scare anybody. I'm just saying, don't think that you don't have the right to be upset or stressed about the future or wondering what you're going to do when you're like younger, older, whatever it's, it's life. And we're always adapting, changing. And thank God, um, so dealing with us, we have to be very curious. We have to think What would growing up mean, huh? What do you assume with that? Does that mean that you have to live on your own, have to pay your own bills? Is that what's causing the stress? I would assume it's more than that, but that might be part of it. Are there ways that we could alleviate that stress? Maybe we get a roommate. Maybe we worked two jobs like when I was in graduate school, is also a waitress because that paid better. If you can imagine that being a in turn, which paid nothing. Um, so there's those things. Okay, maybe growing up means that I have to be in a relationship. Maybe has to do with getting intimate with someone. Maybe that's where this is coming from. I'm just being curious. Um, does growing up stress me out because I have to move out? Do I not want to move out? Does moving out from my parents house. Am I worried about my younger siblings? Maybe their abuse in the home. Do I like the rituals of being at home? Am I not ready? What does that mean? What if I didn't leave home yet? What if I stayed home? Toll 2120. What would that mean? So I'm not gonna go through all of it. But I'm just telling you like it's OK to be curious. It's okay. Toe wonder about this. Dig into that journal, think out loud. But talking to a therapist will really help you tease this out and unpack it like I was just talking a livestream earlier today about how and therapy. A lot of times we come to the table with this big yarn ball of problem, right? And we're like, 00 that's how I am. I feel like I almost like verbal like vomit. All of this information to my therapist. I'm like, Oh, and it just feels so heavy, right? And it feels so messy and confusing. And most of what a therapist does is like soared. It were like magic sorters where I'm like, Okay, this part of the yarn ball actually belongs with parents stuff will keep with that over there. Okay, this is actually, like work stress. Okay, this is like confidence, and we can kind of tease it out so that it doesn't feel so messy, so overwhelming. And then we could say OK, with all of the stuff that we was in that yarn ball or that verbal vomit, all of that stuff. We've got it all defeat up. What's bothering you the most? Is it your romantic relationship? Is your situation with your parents? Is it work? Is it friendship is What is it? Is it financial like, so we can kind of figure it out. Then we can work in that vein first. Um And so with this, I think that's kind of what we need to do. We have this big yarn ball of a mess of something that feels really overwhelming, but it's really not. We just have to like, we have to sort it. Okay. So, growing up, what does that mean? Okay, that means financially have to be responsible. That means that maybe I have to, um, you know, figure out what I want to be. Maybe, you know, try to think about that parse it out for yourself because I think that that will help you feel less overwhelmed and have a better idea of what you want to work on. Um, And then also the Like I want to address this finally, is, uh, so desperately trying to hold on to things that brought me happiness in the past. I'm curious. That would be like if you said that to me in my office, I would be like So do you not think that the future has any happiness for you? I'm curious about that. Do we have any evidence to support that? The future doesn't have happiness for us, huh? What about holding onto the past? Happiness makes us happy. Now that doesn't sound like it does. So just I know that this is hard. And this isn't like easy work. It's not like o presto fix. So But unfortunately, therapy isn't like that because it doesn't happen like that. Like this fear and anxiety and overwhelmed didn't happen overnight. It took us probably years of faulty thinking to get to where we are. Um and it will have to figure that out with to tease that out. But I hope that that kind of helped us understand Helped all of us. Because I think a lot of times we feel I know personally, I By the time I get in to see my therapist, I've been feeling overwhelmed for a couple months. I'm gonna I'm being honest with you. Um, you know, I've been because it's hard and then, like, I don't like, don't even have anything talk about or am I just like, over, you know, my over thinking this, right? We all do that. Um, but it really does help to have someone, like, sort all of our ish. And then we got to figure out what we want to work on first, and we'll get through it. Don't worry. It's like organizing a closet at the beginning. We're like, Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is terrible. I don't want to. This is going to take forever. And then it's also about just slowly but surely work our way through. Okay, final question. Because I have talked a lot and I apologize. Um, question number seven. Why didn't get through as many, but I will move, so I pulled 12 for today. Don't worry. The last five will go on for next episode, and I'll pull some new ones when I ask you for him. Okay. Um, question number seven. I was diagnosed with C PTSD, and I'm having trouble remembering the details of what happened. How can I process it if I can't remember the details now for those you who don't know see, PTSD is complex PTSD, which is really the difference between regular PTSD post traumatic stress disorder and see PTSD is PTSD happens. Um, you know, when we fear for the life ourself or others and something happens to us, and essentially that is too much for our brain to process. In the time it's like, Oh, my God, Oh my God, this is too much trauma. Okay, PTSD like symptoms hypervigilance all of that ship. It's complex. PTSD is when the trauma is repeated and repeated and repeated. And cpt the and cpt istea While that's a mouthful. You guys, um, in a lot of ways looks like borderline personality disorder. But I have a video about how they're different, cause they are very different. Um, so check that out. I don't want to really get into that too much here. Um, so just see, that's I just want to let you know what that is. So CPSC is when we have chronic and it should be chronic PT like that would make more sense. But it's complex, which also works, I suppose. Um, and just so you know, when we are traumatized, memory can be very hard to come by, and the reason for that is back to what I said. What causes PTSD is when it's too much for our brain to process. It's like, What do you expect for me? Right? So the I talked about this a lot, but like it's just my favorite analogy. So I apologize if you have a better one that you'd like me to start using, please let me know in those comments, but the movie inside out they show memory as marbles, okay, and the memories that we have that are like non traumatic are like these little narratives. That's how our brain that's the best way that we remember things is through stories. So when we're going through regular day, no trauma, this little marble is more marble. While I've got marble mouth, Um, the marble is created. It's all smooth. It's a smooth narrative, right? Like so I got up. I saw Sean didn't leave the house because remember the Corona virus. There's a whole story about that that goes into this. And then I'm like And then I did this podcast in. I watched some TV, some Brooklyn 99 That's hilarious. And then I went a bit, and I file that away. But when a trauma happens in our brains like it can't can't process it can't make sense of it. It can't put this narrative together. There's no story behind it. It's like in that process where it's the thing is like rolling and rolling and rolling to create the marble. It's like something hits it and the marbles Bush smashes onto the ground in a gazillion pieces. We can't file that away. All those memories, the bits of memory is all we have left, and especially when we have flashbacks, is like we're walking through that file cabinet, and those splinters of that marble that was shattered or on the floor were like, Ah, and then it sends us right back to that member were like, Oh my God! And that that thing happened. That was horrible. I was terrified and oh my God, I remember that feeling. We can even have body memories as a result. We're like, I remember the feeling of them grabbing me on the armor. I remember the car crash or whatever it ISS, and so that's why we have a tough time remembering details. And that's why trauma therapy is slow and difficult, and I'd like to say it's not, but that's just the way that it is. And there are other treatments like E MDR, even schema therapy. Some therapies tend to move a little bit more quickly for people. Somatic experiencing is another great type of therapy in the trauma realm. But Cmdr. Is probably the one that you've heard. Um, what does it stand for? Eye movement? Desensitization Reaper, Henry Processing. I believe, um, is, uh and I have a whole video about that, too. You can get on my seeking to search Katie more MDR, but essentially it gives your brain another chance to process the trauma. And it's not as long term as like, let's say, talk therapy through through trauma. But the goal is to take all the little biddy biddy details that you know like Maybe you don't know much, but you remember, like a kind of, ah time. We'll just work with what we've got. And as we talk through what we do remember often times when I'm doing talk there, be with the patient. I'm not a trauma specialist, by the way. But as I'm talking through, um, something that's difficult with a patient. I start back before it was bad. So it's easy to talk about things before they're bad. It's like I remember ah, like, let's say there was, like, this big traumatic car crash just for lack of a better thing. Um, but like a month before, my family and I had gone on a trip to Hawaii, I don't know. I'm just making shit up, you guys. But so if I was talking to me, I would say, Tell me about Hawaii. We'd start there and then I'd get you through to when you came home and right before things happen and we'd start to try to piece that together. And the thing that's interesting about our brain is like as we start telling a story will often be surprised by what we remember. Sometimes I have patients close their eyes if they feel safe. That's not always the case, but we can use our senses. Did you smell something that day? Did you taste something to remember what clothes you're wearing? There might be some strange things that bubble up. Um, you don't have to rush yourself. Most people don't have great memories when it comes to traumas, because our brain never got a chance to process it. But as we creep through that file cabinet looking for that information, we will find it slowly but surely because the memory loss is actually, I think very protective. It's kind of like a disassociative state where brains like I can't handle this. I gotta get out of here. Um, and so it, like disconnects, pulls the rip court, and we don't have any memory of it. Be so so that we can keep going right? Sometimes I swear, it's like our brain. No, it knows how much we can handle. And it's like, this is too much. If I try to process this now, I'm not gonna be able to go back home. I'm not gonna be able to finish high school or whatever is half whatever age we were, um, so he's gotta hide this for a while. I'm gonna I'm gonna throw that marble on the floor will deal with it later. So it's it's a protective thing so that we can keep going. Um, and so the best way is just to start talking about things that you do remember oftentimes, when working therapy focus on things we don't remember. But it's okay just to focus on the things that you do and work from there, and there's no pressure. If there is no memory of something, then that's okay. We keep moving on. We talk about the symptoms. We work to treat those we work to deal with the impulses. My belief in my experience tells me that the memories will come back. Not fully, not their smiles complicated, like we'll have, like two memories roped together. If it gets too hard to do the talk there because usually that's how people start is they'll start talking to a therapist. But if it's too much, it's hard to stay present. If you're dissociating too much, or if the it just feels like it's too hard, it's taking too long. There are those other options, like the MDR The scheme of therapy. Um, sometimes even attachment based therapy can be beneficial. There's even a whole treatment centers, at least in L. A. For trauma and PTSD. Those are things you can look into as well. But it does get better, and it will. In my experience, it will come back. I don't think any memories come back 100%. I have trouble recalling things 100% but the the nitty gritty of the actual event that was traumatizing in my experience does come back. It's just really difficult in think and take times will be compassionate understanding, you know, Show yourself the kindness and love that you need during this time and hopefully you know, if you don't feel connected, your therapist find somebody you feel connected with, cause it's really, really important to, you know, process it with someone that you trust, and it feels safe. That's the most important thing. And they go to paste. It's challenging, but doesn't cause you to disassociate. Okay, well, that's all we got through today. I don't know. I guess I was just super chatty. You guys. And again, I'm sorry, but those were seven great questions and hopefully seven helpful answers. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for sending in your questions. This is a fun new adventure that we're on, and I've really been enjoying it. So enjoy the rest of your day and I'll see you next week. Fights about your therapist or vent about your work. You can ask her about your self esteem or while your feelings hurt. You can ask her why breakups suck or why you've hit a but inquire off questions you boys want. Teoh, Katie anything?