Ask Kati Anything!

ep #9 - Are Depression & Anxiety on The Rise? Ask Kati Anything!

May 06, 2020 Kati Morton Season 1 Episode 9
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #9 - Are Depression & Anxiety on The Rise? Ask Kati Anything!
Chapters
Ask Kati Anything!
ep #9 - Are Depression & Anxiety on The Rise? Ask Kati Anything!
May 06, 2020 Season 1 Episode 9
Kati Morton

The audience questions for Ask Kati Anything ep. 9 are:

What can one do if small tasks feel impossible or out of reach? Simple things like getting out of bed, basic hygiene, making a decent meal, etc.

How do you tell your therapist you are super depressed if she thinks you have been doing so well?

I really struggle to make decisions, even small silly ones. How can someone get better at decision-making, especially if they have anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses that add to the difficulty?

Hey Kati, can you talk about depression/anxiety getting worse with the coronavirus and how to prevent mental health from getting really bad again with all the stress going on?

Hi Kati, I identify as a Christian and there seems to be a big stigma of "hide your mental health issues" in various religious communities. What are some ways that those of us in these different religious communities can help to reduce that stigma?

Hi Kati, I'm currently in school to become a social worker- as I enjoy helping people out. However, I often get frustrated with myself because I feel like I can’t truly help others when I can't even help myself. My question for you would be… Do you struggle to help others when you're going through a rough time yourself? If so, how do you cope with that?

Why when I’m an adult and I seek my parent's approval and permission on things? It’s like I want to do what I want because I am an adult, but at the same time, I feel guilty for not listening to them.


JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday Kati posts a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself! https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join

Where to get Kati's book
Are u ok?

http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Kati's Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Opinions That Don't Matter! (2nd podcast)
video: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs58xfxPpjVARRuwjH8usfw
audio: https://opionstdm.buzzsprout.com/

Help Caption Our Videos
http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UCzBYOHyEEzlkRdDOSobbpvw&tab=2

BUSINESS EMAIL
[email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

Show Notes Transcript

The audience questions for Ask Kati Anything ep. 9 are:

What can one do if small tasks feel impossible or out of reach? Simple things like getting out of bed, basic hygiene, making a decent meal, etc.

How do you tell your therapist you are super depressed if she thinks you have been doing so well?

I really struggle to make decisions, even small silly ones. How can someone get better at decision-making, especially if they have anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses that add to the difficulty?

Hey Kati, can you talk about depression/anxiety getting worse with the coronavirus and how to prevent mental health from getting really bad again with all the stress going on?

Hi Kati, I identify as a Christian and there seems to be a big stigma of "hide your mental health issues" in various religious communities. What are some ways that those of us in these different religious communities can help to reduce that stigma?

Hi Kati, I'm currently in school to become a social worker- as I enjoy helping people out. However, I often get frustrated with myself because I feel like I can’t truly help others when I can't even help myself. My question for you would be… Do you struggle to help others when you're going through a rough time yourself? If so, how do you cope with that?

Why when I’m an adult and I seek my parent's approval and permission on things? It’s like I want to do what I want because I am an adult, but at the same time, I feel guilty for not listening to them.


JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday Kati posts a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself! https://www.youtube.com/katimorton/join

Where to get Kati's book
Are u ok?

http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Kati's Amazon Suggestions
https://www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton

ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy.  BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor. Please visit: MORE INFO     
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. I only recommend services I know and trust.

PATREON
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Opinions That Don't Matter! (2nd podcast)
video: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs58xfxPpjVARRuwjH8usfw
audio: https://opionstdm.buzzsprout.com/

Help Caption Our Videos
http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UCzBYOHyEEzlkRdDOSobbpvw&tab=2

BUSINESS EMAIL
[email protected]

MAIL
PO Box #665 1223 Wilshire Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90403

PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/katimorton)

speaker 0:   0:00
you can ask her breakups suck or why you've hit a but inquire off questions you boys want. Teoh. Katie Anything? Hey, everybody, Welcome back to another episode of Ask Katie anything. I have a bunch of your questions that I pulled from. I'm sorry. Let me get my mike already. Um, but I pulled them from my Katie Morton YouTube channel have been asking in the community tab over there, and I think because now we're kind of more we're here. We've been not were, like, solidified on this new channel. You think I'm gonna start asking them under this community tab, So just stay, you know, posted for that. Stay tuned. I will ask before next week's episode. So if I have a question or ive acid over there and you like, dang it, I didn't get my unanswered. Um, you can ask it again, and I'll pull through them there, but yeah, make sure you ever notifications on for the this channel the opinions that don't matter. Channel And I don't know if there's something separate for community Tab, but just keep an eye out. Um, anyway, I hope you all are doing okay. Yesterday I filmed a video hasn't gone live yet, So you're hearing about it first. But I filmed a video about the quarantine and Corona virus stuff, mainly just because I'm feeling really overwhelmed and I didn't know if that will be helpful for any of you. And I don't even know if we'll put that video because I don't usually do things like that where it's like about me. Yeah, I didn't like it anyway. Sean said it was good, and so I was trusting his judgement. But, um but yeah, so know that I'm in it to I'm feeling it, too. It's really weird. It's a tough time, and even though we're like opening up, it's not really the same. Um, anyway, yeah, so we'll see if I put the video auto got next Monday, but maybe not. Um, Anyway, I pulled 10 different questions. And if you don't know when I ask you for the questions, I choose the questions that have the most thumbs ups. Meaning did a lot of other people agreed or had something similar that they want to know, and that's just easy, right? And just make sure that the most people who worry about something wonder about something. Have a question about something that they get there, that you will get the question answered, Um and so without further ado, because we all know I love to ramble and can talk a long time. Um, let's get into it. Are you ready? OK, question number one. I thought this was a good one. Says what can one do if small tasks feel impossible or out of reach? Simple things like getting out of bed, basic hygiene, making a decent meal, etcetera. Now the therapist to me is like, Ooh, that sounds like depression. Um, like you probably should see a therapist potentially talk to a psychiatrist, ing maybe consider medication, and that still like that still is true. And I think something that I've that we're going to have to get used to is this new normal of distanced treatment. And I know it sucks, and I'm sure a lot of therapists will be coming back into their offices and seeing their patients. Um, but I don't really know when that's going to be, because we do have the ability to do zooms and Skype's and phone calls and face times and all those things Um, I really don't know when people will get back into that or if they will, in in the way that we're used. Teoh. And so since this, to me is just like depression when when we can't do the basic things, you know, get out of bed. Basic hygiene, making a decent meal. That's when if, if I'm already seen someone, let's say I'm seeing a patient. I've been seeing them for a while. They're still struggling. That's when I refer them to see a psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist, if you don't know, is a medical doctor that specializes in mental illnesses and so they can tell you if ah, psychotropic medication meaning like an SSR snr I otherwise known as an antidepressant could be helpful for you. They can talk you through all of your worries, side effects, um, checking on you as you try this new thing, all that good stuff and really excuse me, that's where that's where my mind goes. And I know also something to keep in mind. This is I talked about, and probably not very clearly in that video that may not go up. Sorry, I'm having like like I said on Instagram having like a vulnerability hangover where I'm like, I was just rambling and crying. That's ridiculous. Um, but what I mentioned in there is the adjustment, like thinking of this is kind of like, ah, we diagnose adjustment disorder all the time. And it's when you have a big change in your life and with them, like a six month period after that change, you, like, can't quite come to terms with what's going on. And I don't I forget the actual diagnostic criteria. I think it has, like, two months to show itself and then six months to resolve something like that before it becomes like PTSD or something else. Um, and we're in that adjustment right now. And if any of us were already or maybe we already felt like we're just barely hanging on, you know where you're just like, Oh my God, everything is so hard And like you finally felt like you got your head above water water being like the symptoms of depression or anxiety, we feel like we just got our head above water. It could be really hard to then have this pandemic happen. Um, because I can tell you, I felt perfectly fine and my anxiety is through the roof, and I feel very, uh, sad a lot. I wouldn't necessarily say that I meet the criteria for depression, but I'm definitely in grieving and it's very hard. And so I just I just want to say that because I think a lot of us are struggling with ease, like simple things right now, because everything just feels really overwhelming. And so, um, I encourage you if you're in this situation, if this question resonated with you guys has got a lot of films ups, Um, I would reach out through either, Uh, if you already have a therapist, I would call and try to set up another session in whether that's using Skype zoom FaceTime, phone, Whatever said at that session, if you don't have a therapist and you know you could go through your insurance and call depends on where you live, Um, or better help talk space. Those are all great. Resource is always link. Better help in the description I've worked with them over the years. I know there was like people said that they were unethical or some shit online and tried to make it into conspiracy. There was no conspiracy. There was one weird, weirdly worded portion of their terms of service and already changed it. They were like, Oh, we didn't even think about it this way. It was just that was how our lawyers put it together. And I've They're very nice. And I've heard from a lot of my community members that has been super helpful. I have friends and family members who utilize better help. Um, anyways, want address that cause there's still some crazy people out there and the trolls that are like, Didn't they do know that I talked to them? I read through the terms service. Um, but you know, some people Internet wannabe map. So those are all great Resource is crisis text line. If you do not know a 741741 you just type Hello. And they have ah, trained crisis counselors. They're not licensed professionals, but they're trained to deal with issues and can help us through something. If we're feeling like, you know, we're not at our best. We don't know who to reach out to their available 24 7 I'm talking about all this because my main thing is, just let's get you some support. Let's get you some help If you can't tend to your basic needs, you need some professional help, regardless, and so therapies always the first line for me. However, when it gets to things like this, like when you feel like you can't get out of bed, simple things just seem impossible and completely out of reach. I am I am one who would then consider medication more quickly. Usually try to see my patients for a long time before I make any judgments on this. But when the symptoms are severe enough, where it's impairing our ability to function at all, then I want you because I talk about medication, Um, kind of like a life raft right again, like the water is like our symptoms right before drowning in those symptoms of the symptoms are so overwhelming that we can't engage in our relationships in the way we want. We can't get out of bed. We can't make ourselves a meal. We can't shower. We can't, um I mean getting the mail or making a phone call or doing any work is just like that. That's like so so so out of reach. Um, we're drowning in those symptoms, and that's when we need someone to throw us a life raft. And while I firmly, you know, this believe in therapy and it myself often on, Um, I can't change your motivation factor when it's like it's your brain chemistry and your symptoms of depression that are just like taking away any of that, uh, motivation, excitement, empowerment, anything you might be feeling because I can't make you do things right. As a therapist, I can offer tools, techniques, tips. Uh, I can get you to think about things in a new way, get you process things in a new way, but you're gonna have to do that work at home when you're on your own. And if you're not able to do that, I I can't like, follow you home and like, make you death creepy. And that's also terrible. And that's not the point of therapy. That's where medication comes in Is medication can assuage some of those symptoms and feelings and experiences enough so that you could get your head above water and you can do the tools, tips, tricks, things that I'm offering, and that's why we see the best result when it comes to, um, treatment of mental illnesses, therapy and medication together. And I've talked about this another podcast. But I just really want to reiterate that here because I think a lot of people are like, Well, I just want to get the medication and then I just that's all I'll feel better. Sure, but then you're not actually fixing the problem. It be akin to I don't even know how to describe. Okay, would be like if you had a really, really bad infection, right? Like in your leg. But you took pain killers so that the pain of the infection went away. But the infection is still there, and that's like mental illness with Onley. Treating it with some medication is like sure that we don't feel so bad anymore. But the infection still exists. I know that seems like ass backwards, cause you like, well, medication should like you're you know, he'll fully know when it comes to mental illness. We have all our we have to do it ourselves like we have the wherewithal and the tools and the techniques to get better. Sometimes we need someone to show us those remind us of those air help guide us in that direction while we then do the hard work of healing and repairing. We all have wounds, whether it be because our parents were shit or because we had some really abusive relationships or anything. All of us have difficult things that maybe maybe we don't never learned communication skills from our parents or in our life. And so we struggled a community degree, a zillion different things. Um, maybe we just always had a lot of worry, and that's led TOC. The symptoms or social anxiety could be anything, but We still have to figure out where that comes from. And he'll that and work through that medication does not do that. Medication just takes away those symptoms. It just it's like taking away the pain from the infection. Did the infections still there? And so I say all of that to say that like, you need both. And so the person who has this question since the simple things just feel like completely out of reach, which I totally understand. We're going through a tough time, and it could be really difficult. I would encourage you to reach out. Um, see, there are psychiatrists. They're doing telehealth. They call, they call it telehealth. Now, which is so I'm sorry, but it's just antiquated. It's like tell health, Call me on my home. My, uh you know, home phone. It's like a landline. That's what it sounds like. Tell help. But it's really online healthcare. And I, um I believe that there are tons of resource is and ways to do that. And I would encourage you to reach out and get some help And also know that pharmacies deliver right now. So if you aren't comfortable leaving your house or not able to like I am, I'm in California. We're not. We won't be ableto e. I mean, we got to go to a pharmacy. I'm not saying they're stopping us from that, But what I'm saying is that were encouraged to stay home if we can. There are deliveries and no CVS. Walgreens. Um bright ate all of those. Uh, maybe even walmart might be doing it. I don't know. Ah, Costco, Possibly. But you can get your prescriptions delivered, and so I would encourage you to do that. If the psychiatrist recommends, and antidepressant or something, and you're comfortable with that? Um, my last little bit about this is when we see a psychiatrist, we need to make sure that we write down all the symptoms. Were feeling like you're talking about. You know, I would copy and paste this question that you had into that note section so that you say, like, hey, small tasks feel impossible or simply out of reach. Simple things like it in the bed, basic hygiene, making decent meals, you know, or impossible, because you want to tell them that all the things were feeling might be feeling body aches. A lot of times, depression comes with what we call psychosomatic symptoms. Meaning the things that I'm feeling in my because of my mental health issue are resonating throughout my body. Um, and we want to tell them, and so write down all the symptoms and things that you're noticing, and then where you'd like to get. And if you tried medications before, tell him about that. If you have concerns about side effects, tell them about those concerns and always ask about the side effects and ask how long you you know, a trial run of this is how long till you feel better? Usually when it comes to antidepressants, we're looking at, like, 3 to 4 weeks at least. So be patient. I know that sucks, um, and then find a therapist because getting those two on board will really, really help you feel better. And hopefully we don't need to be on medication forever. If it's not something that you want to be on forever, hopefully we'll get you tools and tips and tricks and techniques to get you out. Why are those all starting with teas, tools, tips, tricks and techniques? G's Look at that alliteration. Um, anyway, it does get better. I know right now feels like shit. But trust me, it does get better, Okay? And we want to make sure we catch it now, before before everything is impossible. And I know right now, honestly, that the toughest thing is that if even small task feel impossible, like finding a therapist and getting help and see a psychiatrist, you're like, Are you kidding? May, um. And so if you have someone in your life that you can trust who is supportive and loving and caring, have them help you have them shoot those emails. Make those calls for you. Um, they obviously can't go to the sessions for you, But all of that leg work and stuff that can feel really overwhelming can be done by someone else. Especially right now. Um, so I'd encourage you to, you know, have someone help you. It's hard. I know if we don't have any energy or motivation, Like how the hell are we supposed to get help? But that's where friends, family people who are carrying and loving coming, um, come into play. Could be helpful. Okay. Excuse me. I've got, like, tickle in my throat today. Okay, Ready? Question number two. How do you tell your therapist your super depressed if she thinks you've been doing so well, I really I like this question and hated at the same time. And I don't mean, like, hated it And like a This is a terrible question. I just mean, as a therapist, I'm like, Oh, no, they're not telling her. And that's horrible. I hate when I find this out, like after the fact. Um, and then I'm like, Then I try to track back cause it's just the therapist. I mean, like, What did I miss? There had to be something that I missed. What about when I you know my asking the right questions? So then I do like an evaluation of myself in my therapeutic techniques and like what I'm using and why? Why? I'm missing out on it anyways. Um so OK, there's a couple things. The rial way to tell therapist. Just tell them there's no judgment in therapy. You don't have to be like I'm super depressed. I know you think I'm doing well, but I didn't want to talk. I mean, you can There's no right or wrong way. It's just like the more information and truthful stuff that your therapist knows, the more they can help you. I've talked about this before. It's like, um, you know, if we don't give the therapist all of the let's say, uh, I don't know what's a good analogy. Maybe it's like playing poker. I'm sorry if that's triggering to you, but maybe it's like playing go fish. Make it more light hearted in that. And if if you're your therapist, is playing the hand for you, cause that's kind of what we're doing is trying to look at all the information and we're putting through our filter and our expertise. And we're like, Okay with this, this and this and taking this into consideration, then we should probably do this right, And then they play a card. But if we only have half the cards or we could only see half the cards, we don't know what these other ones are. We're having to guess that we're not going to make a very educated or help full decision. So I know it's hard to to be honest with therapists because we have our own judgments are on stigmas, our own worries. What if they don't take me seriously? What if they don't think I'm sick enough? I trust me. I've heard it all. I've been online for over eight years. I know, but just trust me when I say therapists don't get into this line of work because we enjoyed judging people on watching people suffer. That is just not at all the truth. We get into it for the complete opposite. We get into this line of work like I can tell you why I got into it. First of all, because I enjoy people like sitting with people I love hearing their stories, I just got I love that and I get bored easily at work. So having all these different people in different stories throughout my day is so engaging, so interesting. Then there's a component of, um, like being able to offer some sage advice or tangible treatments and techniques to help them get better. And then you get toe, watch them get better. It's so rewarding and so fucking cool, and nowhere in there is their judgment. Or, uh, I don't even know, like pleasure and pain. None of that exists in therapy. I mean, I'm sure there are some shitty therapists who maybe they're narcissists, and but you'll feel that right like that. I'm sure those are, like, barely any because we don't make that much doing what we dio and so they would lose interest real quick. Um, so when it comes to telling your therapist, just tell them honestly, even if you just blurt it out like what I call verbal diarrhea, if you like, walk into session you like So I've been super depressed and I haven't told you, and I seem to get it out. That's okay. I don't care. At least I have that information is like you've handed me a card or one of the cards. I didn't know what it was has revealed itself so that I'm like, OK, great. So now I can take that, apply it to these and be like That's why Because honestly, as a therapist, I mean, I know we're not in session in person anymore, but oftentimes all noticed that my patients are usually early, and now they're like a couple minutes late, and I'm like, That's interesting. I'll ask them about it and they've shrugged it off. No big deal. And Mike, maybe, you know, traffic is bad and parking is difficult available, Um, or like maybe they it doesn't look like they've showered or they've gained or lost weight. Like I might notice things like that. But I don't have a place to put that symptom or information, because when I try to ask questions about its brushed up and so I'm saying all that to say that like, it's most beneficial for you just to get it out because I'm are your therapist might have all these things that they can't really make sense of yet Because I don't have this missing piece of the puzzle, which is depression, which we know can could make it difficult for us to shower. Make it difficult, difficult for us to eat properly or not over eat sleep. Things like that can really affect us. So if and if you struggle like if you find yourself in session, like on the zoom calls or face times or whatever not being able to get it out, you're like I'm gonna do it. Do it. Katie just had to blurt out todo who? And you don't do it totally get that. Also, sometimes all walk in and like, forget um so way to kind of cut that off of the past is if it's allowed in your therapy, email them and just say, Hey, this is not, like usually have my patients just, um, text me or call me if it's an emergency. So email means it's not an emergency. So you just tell them Hey, I I You don't have to reply to this, but I wanted you to know that I've been feeling this way and I keep not being able to say in therapy, So I wanted to leave it here so that you can bring it up next session. Thank you so much. Just keep it really short, Sweet to the point. I mean, I'm fine with that. I know every therapist is different. Boundaries are very important. I never replied to my patients Emails. Um, unless it's like a billing issue or something that is, you know, it's like needs to be dealt with that way. I don't reply to any kind of therapeutic content via email because that's what our sessions air for. So that may be another way or just putting in the notes on your phone. And then you read it from your phone while you're in session. That's another great way to do it. But again, going back to just get it out there it doesn't matter. Doesn't sound nice. Doesn't have to make sense. Um, just tell them how you feel. That's really how therapy works. I know a lot of people get scared to share things in therapy, and I do recognize that certain topics and situations can be hard to talk about. Excuse me. Um, but the sooner we tell her therapist, everything that's going on, the sooner they can help us, because if we're withholding information, it doesn't help anybody. And we're going there to get help. So make sure you speak up to say how it is totally fun. Cool. Cool. Okay, okay. In question number three, I really struggled to make decisions, even small, silly ones. How can someone get better at decision making, especially if they have anxiety, depression or other mental illnesses that add to the difficulty? This question got a lot of likes and a lot of comments back, and it was interesting to read because you all have such great advice on your own. And I really love that about our community that even if I hadn't seen this question, people had already offered some tools and tips in ways that they themselves have, you know, dealt with it. And I just I just really love that. So the real answer to this question is, I mean, it says even silly small ones. But if you're out there and you're like, hey making decisions, it's hard for me and it's the small ones you haven't really given much thought to. I always like to start with small ones, small being like um do you want tohave water or juice for dinner or breakfast or whatever? Do you want cream in your coffee or not? Like we're all able to make those decisions And I call those Gold Star decisions if you're able to say I like cream and sugar in my coffee because I do. I can drink a black. It's terrible. But if you can do that awesome, that's a decision. You just made a decision. Did you put clothes on your back? Fuck, yeah, You're dressed for the day. That was a decision. You made it. Um, I know that those seem like non non decisions. Or like that's not really what I'm talking about. Those are decisions, and that's how I start. And I want you to start recognizing all of the decisions that you make easily every day and how those decisions don't ruin your life because the reason for this struggle to make decisions is that you're gonna make the wrong one. And then those worry thoughts from anxiety just get ahold of that and they does will run with it all the way down this dark pit. So notice all the decisions you make easily and I don't know, give yourself a pat on the back for it. Be like we made that decision. It turned out okay, I didn't die. Everything's OK. Hurry, right. That's pretty much how that goes in my head, at least anyway. So that's a good place to start. But when it comes to things like as we get to bigger decisions, settle, build up our confidence in decision making. That's why we start really, really small. Um, and as we get more comfortable doing that, we can move into larger ones. But the tricky part with this is that if you have anxiety or depression or just worry thoughts in general, we're really gonna have to work on that. So I would encourage you to seek therapy, possibly see a psychiatrist gets the medication of that, something that will benefit you if you feel like again like you're drowning symptoms. That can really help you get a handle on that, Um, because those work, because if you don't know generalized anxiety disorder, otherwise, uh, let's talk about like G a D or just people say I have anxiety. If they have properly diagnosed, they have generalized anxiety disorder and What that really means is that we have uncontrollable worry. No matter what we do, no matter what we try, we can't make the worry get better. And that worry, I believe, can invade our decision making skills like immediately. It's one of the first things to go when we have anxiety and depending on what type of we have social anxiety, what used to be called social phobia, our worry and this indecision can runs into that. Like, do we go to the party? Do I say hi to this person? I don't know. What if they think that I'm stupid? What if they think that I'm lazy? Oh, my God. They're looking to me. Maybe I should run to the bathroom. I don't everything. I think I'm weird that I go the bathroom. You can see how this could spiral out, right? We've all done it in some fashion or another. And so treating the anxiety is key. And if you guys don't know, I have, um, in iBooks like apple. But I books or whatever. Um, I have my work books. Over the years, I've created a lot of work books. I have an eating disorder workbook self injury. I think she's called a self harm workbook. LGBT Q Plus workbook, um, and Anxiety Workbook. I think that's all of them. I think there's just four, but maybe I'm forgetting one. But anyways, I would encourage you to check out my anxiety workbook. I did a bunch of research for this. This was years ago prior to Are you okay and writing a full on book? Um, E talk about anxiety, what it is, how to manage it. Talk about panic attacks, all that stuff. And so, really, I think managing the anxiety and getting getting a handle on how to calm that down. We'll make the decisions easier, and you will get out of this rut of not being able to make any decisions, because my belief is that it's born out of that anxiety and possibly depression, too. But more commonly than not like I see it more with anxiety rather than depression. Depression is more like I don't even care to make the decision. It's not really the worry. If you find yourself worrying, I believe that that is almost always part of an anxiety disorder, not just generally generalizing, I sort of, but any anxiety disorder. Um, and so really start small. I want to wrap wrap this up so it makes sense. Start small with really, really teeny things. Recognize the small things that you do and reward yourself for it. Tell yourself good things like, Wow, I made so many decisions I didn't even realize. And then we're gonna have to get treatment for anxiety disorder. And that could look like a lot of different things that could be medication. That can be, um, doing certain things that really cause us to have high levels of anxiety, like exposure, therapy type stuff where our anxiety usually rises. But if we do the thing that we're telling our brain or proving to our brain more more like it that nothing bad is gonna happen. Look, I did that thing. That was quote unquote scary and terrible and terrifying. Bad things would happen, and nothing bad happened because that's where the worried is. It, like thrives in that Oh, my God. This could happen. And then this could happen. And then my life is over. It just does that so quickly. Like go 0 to 100. And so if we do the thing. We use our skills, We breathe, we ground, we connect with people, whatever it is that helps you stay calm. And then we recognize Hey, I went to that party. Let's say not that we're doing that now. But let's say, um hey, I made that big decision for work and it nothing bad happened, wasn't terrible. And then another thing. Teoh, I want to add to this decision making as if you struggle with decision making because people try to rush you to make decisions that, um, I'm not saying this is 100% of the time, but a lot of times that's a manipulative tactic. I talked about this with narcissism, and when you have a parent who's on our sister in a relationship with someone who's a narcissist, they try to force you to make decisions quickly because if they put pressure on you and they tell you a certain things like we gotta go, we gotta do this. They try to make you act quickly without thought so that they get what they want. Um, it's OK to take a beat. Do I want to do this? What do I think about it? It's OK to take stock, do a little pros and cons list. That's fine. And so I just want to say that in case that was your problem is like, don't ever feel rushed. I know in times of crisis, especially now, like we can feel very rushed to make decisions. Sure, Sometimes we have to get back to people more quickly. But almost all decisions can wait at least 30 minutes of not an hour. At least give yourself a little time to think about it, and then you go ahead and make your decision. But don't feel like you have to do on the spot like I've gotten better and better as I've gotten older and been online even to is when people asked me to do things or want me to do things or need my opinion on something, I will always say, you know, I'm gonna let it sit up here, like in my head. I'm gesturing to my head if you're just listening like like percolate in my brain and I go back to you, meaning I don't even know how I feel about this. I have to think about it, and I'm gonna get back to you, and that gives me time to not feel social pressure to do something like peer pressure is a bitch, man. And I don't like to make decisions based on someone else. And what I worry? They may think of me. I'm too old for that. And we all should be told for that. Okay? It never goes, takes us anywhere. Good. Um, and then I just want to take that, have the time that I need to consider all sides. Like, I want to talk it out with Sean probably, or my mom, Or write about a little bit and just take stock. So don't feel rushed, because that could make us feel worse, too. And then we can that kind, like, perpetuate the worry then, right? Cause if we make a decision and doesn't turn out right, then we can think like I'm not good at this. I am terrible. Make decisions. I couldn't shouldn't do this anymore. And instead of taking the time making it more thoughtful decision and then knowing that it's nothing bad is gonna happen because of that, it's like we have to prove that the worry doesn't need to exist. Instead of proving that it does. It doesn't make sense. I hope that makes sense. Sometimes I have no idea. Okay. Um, yeah, I hope that that helps. I hope that's a reasonable I know. It's really difficult. Um, but getting treatment for that anxiety, I believe, will help, like, 100%. Okay. Okay. Um, question number four. Hey, Katie, can you talk about depression? Slash anxiety Getting worse with the Corona virus and how to prevent mental health from getting really bad with all the stress going on that I don't know why, but every feels like every week. I used to say this about the, um if you guys don't know, I have a patri on account. Um, that has saved my bacon over the years. Thank you to all my patron patrons out there, but I do a few live streams over there every month and almost every month we have, like, a theme. And this week, this week's theme seems to be like depression, anxiety, symptoms. Um, it is interesting how that is. So if you ever think you're, like, alone in this and you're crazy and making it up like I don't know why, I feel this way. Trust me. There are a lot of other people out there feeling exactly that way. Um, it's like, I don't know, something in the air. Something in the water. I'm not sure it's just a stressful time right now. Okay, so I did have an entire video that I did. If you go to YouTube, just type in Katie Morton Corona Virus Anxiety or Cove in 19 anxiety. The video should come up. I did it in collaboration with UNICEF. We put out the same videos on our channel. Mainly is just a way to, uh, get information out there. And so because this was like back when it was first happening and things were crazy. So the this is this is tricky, cause it's like it's getting worse. So we already have the depression, anxiety, and so the best way. Okay, So what I kind of talked about in that video is how and what I think is kind of pertinent to this is the reason we're feeling shitty right now is because we are in our stress response, which is supposed to be short lived. Our stress response, if you don't know, is triggered an arm Magdala part of our brain and in our nervous system that triggers this fight flight freeze response. And I know a lot of people are also adding, fallen into that, I read about it. I don't fully support. I think fight flight freeze is enough. You could disagree. That's fine. But fight flight freeze is is what I agree with, um anyway puts us into that stress response and ours instead of Peking like Okay, I ran from there was like a man running after me in an alleyway. It's like my worst fear. You guys and I sprinted and I got away to safety. Got in my car, and I was driving home. I went into that stress response. I've I fled, you know? Flight was my best choice. I fled and I got to safety. I'm relieved that stressors phones went up and it came down. We're okay. However, because the man running the alley is not what we're We don't We can't see this threat right. Which, if you don't know our our brain and body are wired or designed to seek out threat. It keeps us alive, right? It's evolutionary. It's like if I hear the guy in the alleyway. I'm gonna run away in verses If I'm like little the just not paying attention and then I get killed or I get hurt in some way. Um and so our body and brain are designed to seek out threats so we can decide if we need to fight flight freeze. Like, what's the best option here? Do we have any options? But because this Corona virus is everywhere, nowhere. I don't know. We can't see it. We can't treat it. I don't understand it now. People are getting sick a second time after they already had it. Things just feel very chaotic and very stressful, with no solution, right? I can't fight flight freeze. Neither of those, none of them help, Right? So instead of our stress response going up in Peking and coming right back down really quickly, where we're like, I feel better were held in it, which could cause things I would assume long term, like PTSD, like symptoms and responses. If we already have PTSD, I am sure your super triggered and I'm sorry. It's it's terrible. Um, but even like adrenal fatigue, I could see that happening. Um, I could see like a depression anxiety exhibiting itself in people who never had that before anyway. So this heightened response, this heightened stress response being more long term than it is supposed to be, is what is making everything worse. Because our Magdala is firing. If you don't know the Immig Golos Reading this article that might friend Dr Elects Altman. I had her on the channel. She's wonderful. Trauma specialists. She had sent me over some information back when we were talking about Cove it at the beginning. Um, about how the, uh the amygdala essentially is like this dictator in our brain. And when it gets triggered when it believes there's a credible threat and it like checks to do yes, and it ignites this fire alarm, right? Have talked about it like a fire alarm was like, Whoa, everything else goes off line like our our prefrontal cortex or our frontal lobe, this whole area across are right behind our forehead that's responsible for decision making, some key personality traits. It's It's a big part of like, uh, who we are and how we make decisions. And I don't know, I just always like to think of it is like our control center. Okay, so it's the responsible part of our brain. It goes off line because the middle is like, Listen, buddy, you don't have We don't have time for your, like, Oh, maybe this could work. Pros and cons little It's like, No, we gotta either Fright flight freeze. You've got to get the fuck out. We've got to decide what we're doing. Shut up. I don't need your adult conversation. And so because of that, we can feel very impulsive. We could be make really bad decisions right now. We can feel really irritable if we are in this heightened state, and it could be really, really uncomfortable. And I just I I say all that cause I want you to kind of understand what's going on in your system in your body and why you could be feeling the way that you're feeling. And so the best way to prevent your mental hall from getting really bad because we don't really know when this is going to get better. And I know that sounds really, uh, negative. I don't mean that to sound really negative. I just It's like the reality of the situation is. Even as we opened things up, people will still continue to get sick. And we don't really have treatment or vaccine or anything available, you know? So things are still yet to be decided. Um, so we have to figure out a cope and the best thing that antidote to that stress response is actually connection. So if you have some safe people in your life, as things do lift as the state home orders are like loosened are softened. If you want to call that, um, have a friend that you can go get a hug from, have someone you could have a real conversation face to face. Um, face time. Skype zoomed. Those work to however, it is best in person. There's something about that that maybe there's a chemical released. I haven't read all the articles about it, but we know that calm czar like part of our vagus nerve that triggers our system. It calm the social connection system, calm it all down. It brings our prefrontal cortex back online, gets us out of that fight flight freeze and just helps us soothe its like, self soothing. Um so connection is the number one is my number one recommendation for this second is getting extra support. If that means maybe you've been out of therapy, you, like, graduated from therapy. That's awesome. That doesn't mean you can't get back in. I've been in and out for years, and it's totally fine and fair. So maybe you go back into therapy. Maybe, um, we get back into those tools and techniques and tips and things that are Therapist gave us back in the day. That did help. Maybe we use those again. I always tell my patients to keep like, a binder. Keep the stuff that we're working on so that they have it because things can happen. Life get stressful. It's unpredictable. Did we ever think we're gonna have a global pandemic? I sure as fuck didn't. But here we are. And so it's important to have those tools and techniques and tips around that you can still use. And I really think that, um, that the because we know they worked in the past, right? Like, things that have worked for me in therapy are journaling. Um, I need a loan time, and, um, I need a connection. You talk to my mom and my friends. So those are things that I go to over and over and over again. Um, and then just himself care. Like I like baths and, um, rub my feet and things like that. So find the tools and things that soothe you The help you feel better and do those things, even if it's hard, even if you don't want to. Like I can tell you how many times I'm like, I just don't wanna I feel like a little kid throwing a tantrum lately. It's because my systems overwhelmed and I'm exhausted. So make some time for that. And I really believe this support system that we create for ourselves, whether that's through, like our therapist, psychiatrist, whomever, um as well is like our other tools and techniques. That's what's going to get us through. But there's nothing wrong with increasing your sessions during this time, Um, or, uh, you know, doing mawr face times with friends or whatever it is you know you do to connect, it's everybody's different, but like however, you can talk to people in your life that you feel emotionally connected to, the better you will feel, Um, and I wish I had, like, a magic bullet. Things are better. But, papa, um, but those will really change it. And then the final tip that I have for this is thought stopping. And I've been doing this myself, and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't, but it just another tool to have in your tool chest. And that is instead of letting those worry thoughts, right? Because last night I wasn't last night, it was, like, two nights ago. I'm talking too much, making me on It's not you, it's me. I promise. I feel like I do that every week. That's just cause it's so much air out. Um, but anyways, the, um, A couple nights ago, I was having all these worry thoughts like, Oh, no, like how our, uh, how I e I can worry about everything you guys so like. Here's just a little like peek into my brain. I was like, Oh, my God, I hate that my mom still has to go to work. And stupid she could do this from home. I hope she doesn't get sick. Oh, my God. My sister in law, I really worry about her, and I hate that she's going there, and I get it. But like a socks. Um, And then I started worrying about the food delivery guy that came the other day and the lift drivers that I usually utilised. But I'm not and my our friends, who worked at restaurants and bars. And, um but you could see where this is going. The lady that have had come clean my house. Sometimes I, like, worry about her. And, like, how is she doing financially? And then I'm like, What about Christmas? I just go down this whole rabble. What about the airlines? How are they gonna alive orbital travel the world again? I conspire a lot real quick. You guys just like you, so don't think you know. But in the middle of this, in my head, I go. Stop! Stop, stop, Stop! Stop and imagine a stop. Sign stops. Katie, stop, Stop, Stop. Stop Until it calm for just a second. And then I try to tell myself other things. Like, you know what? I can't wait till Sean and go out to Palm Springs. I love Palm Springs. When go out there, we could like, maybe Airbnb a house and barbecue. It'll be so nice set out in the pool I started Tell myself a story of something I want to do. Or I can talk about Paris our last trip and go down a memory lane. Right? So I use those things to get my brain out of. I wonder how so its own Oh, my God. How did? And then I could spiral into, like and asked us to write a book this year. Oh, my God. And that just happened. Should I got to do that? Oh, I just anxiety anxiety. Put. Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry. We're And then there's no sleep. So use some thought stopping techniques as as necessary. It might be every night. That's okay. No judgment were all different to get your brain out of that like spiral. Okay, because we're all in it. Trust me. I feel you. OK, moving on Question number five, because I'm rambling a lot today, and I apologized. Um, this is a good one. I added question number five. It didn't get it have like, ah, half of the amount of thumbs ups as the others, but I thought this was something that I've been dealing with more and more with my community with a lot of you've mentioned this to me in other ways. And so I thought, It's something interesting to talk about, OK? And the question is high. Katie. I identify as a Christian, and there seems to be a big stigma of hydra mental health issues in various religious communities. Which is true. What are some ways that those of us in these different religious communities can help to reduce that stigma? I honestly believe so. This has been happening a lot. Members of our community are Christian or other. Mainly, we have other people who are Christians in our group. I haven't heard from any of my like other religious people. However, in church it seems to be not always just hydra mental health. But there's also this flavor of, like just pray about it. I don't mean to laugh. I know faith is important to a lot of people. Put like God gave us a brain. He gave us tools he gave us, Uh, he gave us a lot of education and insight and intelligence, and we should use it, don't you think? Um, so I get really frustrate people like pray to God And then once he takes it away, you're healed forever. And I'm like, Okay, um, mental health is no different than physical health. And if you got the flu once, you people wouldn't be like, Oh, you're never gonna get it again. Where you got a cold now, like you're cared, you're cured. You're never gonna get cold again. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Why don't we talk about our mental health the same way we talked about her physical halls? And so overall, that's kind of my answer is that we all Should we talk about mental health just like our physical health? I'll always not just in religious communities, but in general, because that's why there's all these stupid conversations about like, Well, you were better before. So you're better now. Like what? Are you serious? Do you understand what this says? Even understand how it works? If you tried to educate yourself about something, I get really fired up. People piss me off. Ignorance is exhausting. So there's that. But then, when it comes to, um within these, like Christian, uh, communities or religious communities as a whole, I think the best way we can do it is just by talking about it. I know there are tons of groups, Trust me. I was raised in church my whole life. Um, and I know that there's like Mommy groups and our new mom groups are newlywed groups. Um, there's also, you know, the pain of how old the kids are. They have their own little ah, Sunday schools and groups and things that they do and Wednesday Night Services or Thursday, whatever your church does, I would encourage you to create mental health groups within your communities and talking about it more, making space for the conversations because the one thing I know that never works is trying to shove an idea or a belief down anyone's throat. We know that if you're in a religious community, you know that like you can't tell someone to come to church and get better, and you need to repent and remember. I mean, that's not even the way that if you believe in the Bible, that kind of stuff, that that's not even what God tells you to do. So we all know that doesn't work. It's more about just being there, being open, learning, hearing from someone else being curious about their experience. And so I think that the way that we can improve this is through conversation, and I know it makes you nervous to be the one to talk about it. But that's really the movement that we can make in that wheel cause change because, ah, lot of, um, leaders and church are going to be retiring. Like every year older people retire, newer people come in, and I think that that's a good movement. I'm not saying that older communities don't or older generations don't understand mental health, But there's a different conversation being had now online. Thank God. And so the younger generations are more primed for those conversations to. So I think this is all positive movement, positive growth. And, um, for those you're fortunate enough to have, like an older generation of a pastor preacher who is open to this, that's even more awesome like that. They're open to different thought, process processes and conversations and educations. You can bring it up there, but but by and large I think the way that we can all work on this because their stigmas across to I mean in the I am Asian and African American community have heard from a lot of my friends who say that it's not OK. You're supposed to hide it or you don't have it, you know, or like just pray about it. There's all sorts of things that were told to do. Um, and the best way to combat that is just to talk about it and not take this like, Oh, no, we don't talk about that here. Be like, Well, I do. It's still part of who I am. It's part of my well being. And I think God would really want me to talk about this and be honest about where I'm at and who I am were honest about everything else. I mean, you can spin it to your advantage so that there's an open and honest conversation being had. Um, even creating communities online would be really helpful, especially since the law church. So doing things remotely, you know, because we have Teoh doing zooms of these groups. Um, yeah, I think that that's really where it's at and just just challenging people to think differently. Teoh hear each other out. That's something that I am even in my myself, I'm trying to do more of is be more curious and let people teach me because I'm reading one of Bernie Brown's books and she talks about how it's really hard to hate up close, and so we should instead be really interested in having conversations with people we should let people teach us. We should talk to people. Um, and I agree with that. Ask questions. Don't jump to the conclusions. Don't not listen to them cause you're trying to come up with your own answer. The more we can listen, like, actually listen and thoughtfully reply in order for both of us to learn the better off we all would be. The less arguments and fights online and in person, I think it would just make everybody better. So anyway, I'm rambling. But I really believe that, um, that that's the way we can reduce the stigma is just by talking about it, making it just, ah, normal conversation that has had a part of the religious community as a whole. Because sure, prayer and support from if you believe in that stuff can make you feel better. It can help with maybe some of those anxious or depressive thoughts. But there's still a role in there for proper mental health treatment. If we need medication, that should be an acceptable thing as well. It shouldn't be. You pray and you're cured. I would I would always reference Feel free to use my language about it being a cold. Like if I got a cold last year around Ah, January then if I got another one this January, wouldn't say like, Well, you didn't believe enough or something like that's bullshit. And no one should tolerate that and draw the more we can correlate it to physical health. I believe that more people can relate to it. Um, yeah, let's just keep having those conversations. There are a lot of ignorant and stupid people out there, and I don't mean that is a put down across, but under saying a lot of people to understand. And so the more we can educate them, the more we can help, uh, hear their side and income, you know, have conversations the better. Okay, question Number six. Another good one. You guys have such good questions says Hi, Katie. I'm currently in school to become a social worker, as I enjoy helping people out A A. However, I often get frustrated with myself because I feel like I can't truly help others when I can't even help myself. My question for you would be. Do you struggle to help others when you're going through a rough time yourself? If so, how do you cope with that? Yes, 100%. Um, the best example I can give is when my dad died, that's probably the easiest toe recall. Um, I actually took a break from seeing patients for about two months, and I was lucky enough that I worked in a eating disorder treatment center. And at the time it just is, like praised the heavens or all our whoever you believe in or whatever. But I was just, like, perfect timing. My dad passed away, and I was on Lee running three groups, and I had one patient. But that patient was graduating like that week. She was leaving treatment. So when I found out my dad passed away, the patient graduated and I flew home, and the groups were easy to take over. It's not like one on one in the way that I am now, Um, and so that really allowed me to more easily transition out, take a break and come back when I was ready. Um, now, that's not to say that everybody has that luxury. Like, if because in private practice, if that's all the money that you make than to take two months off is just not feasible. Um, and so that that's why being a being a mental professional, I hold myself and everyone should hold themselves to, like an even higher standard of self care and self awareness. And what I mean by that is I know my early symptoms of burnout overwhelm depression, anxiety, stressors, whatever, right when I'm feeling Max, like right now, I'm not my best self. So I've been doing a lot more self care and a lot more check ins with my friends and family and my own therapist. So we have to have our own system in place because I I m able like this is a healthy and unhealthy tactic. I am able to completely compartmentalize when it comes to my patients. Time and my time. I'd still do not allow it in the room with a patient, but I didn't notice after the first week of the Corona virus. How is a little more irritable? Just agitated, Like patients who wouldn't do homework? I'd be like, uh but I didn't They didn't know what? Maybe they noticed, but no one has said anything. I felt that inside myself was like, What the fuck is going on? Katie, what are you doing? Why are you reacting this way? Because I have to be more self aware than most. I have to catch that early so that it doesn't find its way into a session. I need to notice how I'm interacting with people in my life and how I'm feeling inside. And so what I did is I stayed in my office an extra hour after my last patient journal. I cried a little. I let myself feel it. I let myself try to process, and I've been doing more of that. And so I would encourage you to spend time doing I'm not my office anymore. By the way, this was back at the beginning. So making time for that. Making time for processing, creating your social, your social support system. Um, leaning on that mawr doing more self. Uh, I call it like self evaluation, which I know sounds very clinical on icky. But maybe it's like, um or introspective work where I'm like, How am I doing? Like, how do I feel my heart racing? Because my eye was twitching for the past few days, you guys and that I was like, If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. So Yes, I struggled to the question. Do you struggle to help others when you're going through a rough time yourself? Yes, if I don't do these things and I've learned over the years. Luckily, I didn't get into private practice right away. It was like, later down the line, so I got to kind of learn how to manage things. When I had a lot of support and I keep in touch with a lot of other mental health professionals, I would encourage you do the same. I have, like a journal club I attend every month where we talk about cases that are difficult and things like that. I think all of that's very, very key and important so that you have somewhere else to go where you can talk about what you do with people who understand as a YouTube creator. I also have a huge group of friends who are creators because they get what I'm going through on that end of things. So all I'm saying is we all need support systems around what we do, and especially if you're mental health professional, because we are like catching all in holding are like more so holding all of people's upsets, angst, worries, angers depression. We're holding all that information abuse, and we need to have a safe place to, like, set it down and walk away. And I have really grown to have, um, not to pat myself on the back, but really great boundaries around work in life when it comes to my patients in my home life. Um, and I continue to do that, and I continue to put myself in check like if I'm talking about a patient situation when I'm at home. Even if I'm over the phone like doing a consultation, I'm like, This is not ideal. I should be doing this in my office, and I shouldn't pick up this call until him at my office. So trying to keep things very, very separate really helps also, um, but Yeah. Take care of yourself. We have to put ourselves first, um, and yeah, getting getting to know yourself. So maybe start journaling. Maybe start jotting down how you're doing every day and checking in, because the sooner you're able to recognize that, the less likely it is to bleed into your sessions and your patients time. I hope that's helpful. I know it's kind of all over the place there. Okay, Question number seven. Why? When I'm an adult and I seek from, uh, why, when I'm an adult, do I seek for my parent's approval and permission on things? It's not like I want to do what I want because it's like I want to do what I want because I'm an adult. But at the same time, I feel guilty for not listening to them. I thought this was really interesting, and a lot of this, I believe, has to do with family dynamics and attachment, and I know that that's like a big blank. Those are big blanket statements, and there's a lot involved, and that's will try to tease this out. This will probably be my last question, actually, so you will finish with this one. Um, but I think when we grow up, um, if our parents don't support our independence, I talked about the When it comes to having a narcissistic parent where they don't support our independence because they want us to be dependent on them, it can also be a for a parental fide child. Like if our let's say our dad works away from home or is just never home, I don't know. And our mom starts to talk to us like we're her partner. Like we're If you're, uh you know, the boy in the family, like the oldest boy she could treat you like her, her actual partner, like is if you're the man of the house, a lot of mothers will say that to their Children, and I think that is very inappropriate. We should never say to a little boy, You're the man of the house. No, your your boy. And you get to be a boy. You could do all the things that little boys do that you want to dio. That is what we should say. So let's not say that anymore, okay? Okay. Um but they'll do things like that, or, um, you know, even if it's not like that, you know, male female relationship. It could still be, ah, where they talk to you like you're an adult. They talk to you as if you're there equal, not their child. And that's not appropriate, because then we're again perent, ified child. Or, if both parents are gone, the oldest, usually the oldest, will try to take care of all the other kids. A lot of, uh, like latchkey kids back in the day, they called it where, like both parents worked away from home. And so kids had these few hours after school where they had take care of themselves and make food and stuff like that. And that can really grow some independence and Children if it's supported by the parents of like my mom, for instance, because she did go back to work when I was, I don't even know. My mom was like part time when I was younger. Anyway, there was a period of Time member where I would get back. My brother and I get back home from school, and I would make food for us. I'm the youngest, but I love always like to cook, so I'd make us snacks. My mom would leave stuff out like marked in the fridge. Like this is you can have a snack of this and this and that, and it was like she was encouraging our independence. Um, and I believe that some of that didn't happen for for the person to ask this question. That's got a lot of thumbs ups, too. So I think a lot of people worry about or have these issues if we're if our parents don't support that independent movement independent choice. If they've always looked at us as if we're, uh we're responsible, we're equals or something like that. The dynamic of the relationship is very flawed and very unhealthy. It could be very emission. So we don't feel free to actually make decisions on our own. And that could also be a result of abuse. I'm just giving options because I know everyone's situation is going to be different. If we've been abused in any way we can, it could erode it our own self worth and confidence. And so we might not feel safe enough to make decisions without checking in with someone else. It could come from that, too It could also come from anxiety, Um, or any other anxiety, depression, any other mental illness or mental health issue that erodes at our confidence. And so I think there's some of that. But my guess overall, if I want to answer this question like directly to this person, I think there's iMesh mint. I believe that the relationship that has had with ease between you and your parents is not Excuse me, is not a healthy one, because if you feel guilty for not listening to them and you're an adult and you're still looking for their permission, I mean, I don't know how adult like if you're 18 I honestly don't think that we most of us, are healthfully detached from our parents until we're if you go away to school, maybe 18 or 19 but maybe 2122. I think that's still fair, Um, as we like distance ourself from our parents and make decisions on our own. Um, but if we don't feel free to make our own decisions and we're always asking them for all their insight and permission and, uh, if they tell us to do something, we feel like we should We have to do what they say that is in mist. That's completely emission. That's kind of the attachment style. So if you have a whole video, if you want to go on YouTube, it's Katie Morton attachment styles. I have a bunch of videos about that. But there are. I think it's four main attachment styles. One being secure, which is healthy. Happy. You can come and go. You don't need their permission. There's like anxious avoidant. Um oh, God, you guys, I'm gonna have to look these up because I forget. I don't want to say them wrong, but anyway, there's, um Hold on, let me look up. Uh, because there there's ambivalent, anxious, ambivalent. I think it is. Um, I don't wanna miss speak here, so I'm looking at my own video. This is what I do often, you guys, because I put all this stuff in, um, into the descriptions so that you can pull them. And so Okay, here we go. Secure, insecure, avoidant. This is when, um if we're insecure, we don't feel like we can count on her caregiver. And so we might reject them, even if they come to like our aid we can feel like, you know, we even if we tried to seek out the contactar support from our parent or a caregiver, they're not going to give us what we need. So often, these kids like curling corners and cry on their own and try to sue their own system. Some Children rock, rub their arms. Um, it's kind of it's this stuff gets kind of sad for me. That's why working with kids is really hard for me. And it wasn't something that I enjoyed. Um, then there's insecure, ambivalent where they can, like, be clinging to their caregiver and then not really care, so they kind of go back and forth. Then there's disorganized. So there are four. I was correct, Um, but these Children who are disorganized, you show confusing mix of attacks and behaviors. It may even appear to be confused or disoriented. They believe I'm just reading from my notes. They believe this attachment style is caused by inconsistency from caregivers, meaning that, like a parent could have been there and then not there. They didn't know what they could count on. Um, and so so therefore, different hatches are secure, insecure, avoidant insecure, ambivalent and disorganized, and the goal is obviously to have a secure attachment. But back to this person's question, I feel that it's probably coming from the lack of confidence that your parents gave to you. And I know that sounds weird to say like someone give us confidence. But parents build that in us. You did a great job. No, you can make that decision. You can do that on your own. You've done a great job so far. I support you. I support the decisions. You make those air like healthy parent phrases that we need to hear. And we need to internalize, but often times instead. Because our parents are human and even if they're trying to do their best, they might not even know what that means or how to be a good parents. Our parents didn't have good parents, right? So we may have. Instead of hearing those healthy, happy parent phrases, we might instead hear things like, Why'd you do that? You know, I didn't like that. I would never have made that decision. You're so stupid. We might hear all of these negative phrases that we internalize and take as fact. So what I would encourage this person to do because I'm get I'm gonna get off topic and talk about this for a long time. But what I really believe you should do is to check in on yourself and your own feelings of confidence and how you talk to yourself and notice. Maybe if you have some phrases that you've heard over and over again from your parents. What were those phrases? What did they say? Do you believe those This fact should we look for evidence to disprove them? Because they're they're not true. Um, and what small decisions can we make without their approval as we build up into bigger things? Because just like anything, I can't tell you just to jump in the deep end. If you've never learned to swim, I'm gonna say, Well, let's just like, put our face in the water and come up, put our fate. We're going to get used to it, right? We're going to slowly acclamation. And so I want you to slowly start making some decisions without their permission. Just small things that maybe feel little bit difficult, but not that difficult. It could be things like, um, I'm not gonna ask them if Aiken I don't know. Depends on if you're an adult, you don't live at home. But it's like, um, purchasing an item without asking further input on it. I'm gonna buy a new pillow, and I'm not going to call them to see what they think. Or, um, I'm gonna go get my oil change. I'm not gonna ask them for where they recommend. I'm just going to read the reviews, and I'm gonna do my research, and I make my decision. I know those air. Weird examples. I'm just trying to think of things you could do that will be smaller. That don't feel like such a big thing. Um, and then I would just be more curious. I might journal little bit about Like what? Uh, what phrases you've heard from them. Or, like, I calm like, almost like unhealthy parent messages. What have you heard over the years? Maybe write those down and left? Look for evidence to disprove them. I'd also be interested about the guilt, Like feeling guilty. Um, where do you think that comes from? Our Is that something that they want you to feel? Do you feel like they they expect you to ask for permission even though you're grown. Um, what's the dynamic between your parents? Were you perent? If I child, I just be very curious about all things that kind of mentioned. See if any of that resonates with you, and then it could be just its work in therapy. It's like healing that child of yours like, and I mean, child of yours, like your inner child. And I have a video about that, too, if you want to listen for more. But I think we all have a hurt inner child for one reason or another, whether it was because we were bullied at school or our parents weren't around or there were broken promises. Or there's all sorts of things that we go through when we're developing and growing. And so just checking in on that for yourself figured out where it's coming from, and hopefully we can heal that we can look for evidence that doesn't support those nasty messages. We can find out that we are actually capable, responsible, important, valued adult, and then we can move out of it and do our own thing. Um, but yes, it takes time Yes, it takes practice. It's a new muscle, right? We have to get used to using it. We have to get used to talking more kindly to ourselves. Um, but yeah. Anyway, I hope that that's helpful. I hope that all these answers air helpful. I love your questions. They're so great, actually enjoyed being able to go through them or slowly not feeling so rushed or pressured to go. No ramble off all these answers. Um, it gives me some time to kind of be more contemplated and put, you know, put all the pieces together. Hopefully, and I hope it makes sense. Um, take care of yourselves. Now is a tough time. Like I said, I'm in it to It's hard. It could be bad, but just trust me, you're not alone. You have our community. I have my Facebook group. Katie, if you're interested, I also do a ton of things over on patri on. If that's something I know money might be tight for a lot of you. Um so no pressure at all, but $5 gets you in the door and means that you can watch the live streams and access the community. There that's and that's $5 a month. Um, so that's another thing I also offer Journal prompts through my memberships within my Katie Morton channel again. I think that's for 99 a month and you get to journal prompts a week. So if that's something that you think would be helpful, you could do that. And there's community within that as well. In the comments below those post people chat, Um, yeah, connect. We're in it together. I I hope things get better more quickly, but we need to prepare, prepare, like hope for the best. Prepare for the worst kind of right. So I know that our community and myself, we're here for you. You're not alone. Um, stay home. If you can stay safe and I'll see you next week by NASCAR about your therapist or vent about your work, you can ask her about your self esteem or why your feelings hurt. You can ask her why breakups suck or why you've hit a buteau. Inquire all the questions you boys want. Teoh, Katie. Anything