We're Back

We're back and Dana is updating you on all that happened over our break, and what's to come in 2021!

Read the article mentioned here: http://www.citruscountylife.com/pdf/Foster-to-Adoption-Article-FW2021.pdf

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Transcript

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Hey, hey, hey, y'all. Welcome to the Graceful Truth Unscripted Podcast. I'm your host, Dana. We're here to speak truth in the most graceful way possible about our personal experiences that we've had throughout the foster care and adoption system. We're also going to cover some things we've encountered along the way. We don't sugarcoat anything. These are all real people telling their stories. I've always wanted a place for aunts and uncles, grandparents, current and former caseworkers, doctors, therapists, and really anybody such as yourself who knows anything or has had any interaction with a foster or adoptive parent or child. This is a safe place. This is a place we're going to share our stories without feeling judgment, without being misunderstood, or really being turned into an agency for simply sharing our experiences. We're also going to laugh, we're going to cry, we're going to come together as one to figure out the best way to effectively change the legislation and the laws, and also ways to help our children. We're also going to be there for those parents that are struggling with how to cope with the many different situations that we have to deal with on a day-in-and-day-out basis. We're also going to cover some mental health, medical health, special needs, and of course the joys of being a parent. Our goal is to be the voice for those who can't speak. We're here to share our stories, we're here to share our realities. It's time to come together and be that voice for these children. So please join us as we embark on this journey. Alright, guys, welcome back to the show. I'm welcoming myself back to the show. This is the first episode we've released in quite some time. It's a tad bit late because the internet in our area has been up and down. Oh, excuse me. Um but what I'm gonna do is just take this episode, kind of recap 2020, and share with you some wins that we received in 2020 and kind of just talk about our plan for the year. So the plan for 2021, we're just gonna start off with that because it's simple and easy. New episodes released every Monday, and we will take a break over the summer. I'll give you guys plenty of you know notice with that, and then we'll we'll break again for the holidays. Um, so that's that's the plan for 2021. We are always looking for guests, so if you feel that you have a story you wish to share with others, feel free to reach out to us. You can find us on Facebook, you can email us, gracefultruthunscripted at gmail.com. You know, there's just we got Instagram. You just find your way to get to us. I know you'll get to us. All right. So let's talk about the 2020 uh episodes that we shared. We shared about our final diagnosis or our baseline diagnosis, if you want to say that, um, for our son. We shared uh uh his case plan. All of these episodes, you know, still out there. So if you're new to the podcast, welcome. Please go back and catch up. We would really love uh to hear your feedback on some of those episodes and get some questions answered. We had a live QA that was recorded. As you guys know, this podcast is unscripted, it remains unscripted. The only thing that I have are notes of things to remember about and some facts coming up on some shows that we're gonna have. That's about it. Otherwise, there's no script, no rhyme or reason to these, just coming on and sharing what's going on in our life, what we have been through, what we're about to go through, just things like that. And what else did we share in 2020? We had a few guests, I think we had four or five guests that shared their story of either special needs and/or adoption and fostering. We have two more already recorded coming up. I have another one uh scheduled for a guest next week, I believe it is. So we have a lot of great content coming out for you guys, and I am excited to see what 2021 brings us. So let's chat a tad about 2020, how we are doing as a family, how our kids are, just you know, small updates. Um we struggled a little bit in 2020 with the uh shutdowns and the homeschooling because and if you guys hear a dog bark in the background, I apologize, that's life. Welcome to our podcast. Uh we struggled with teaching and learning. Uh I I work a full-time job during the lockdowns. I was working from home, but I still had a full-time job to work. My husband's a truck driver, so nothing changed there. Uh, he still had to deliver and stuff like that. And we do live in Florida, so we weren't on a stay-at-home order for a month, I think, is all we were. But our children were out of school for a basically since March of last year through August when they started back up traditional brick and mortar school. And we wholeheartedly jumped into that because our two adopted children I could not give them enough time and attention that they needed, especially with their special needs, to be able for them to grasp and understand what we were teaching them. Granted, it was the end of the school year, so it c that kind of helped us. So we only had like three months of teaching our kids. However, it was stuff that they were going to carry on to the next grade. So we it just if ever I had the ability to homeschool school, I still would not homeschool my children because they have to be in person, they have to be with teachers that understand how they learn and that have the passion to help them, right? So we struggled with that, and we also so I I know you can go back into the episode and listen to the entire thing, but as you know, our son was diagnosed with Tourette and he has an antibody of the strut virus. I'm not even gonna try and pronounce the gene or the antibody, what they call it, but there's actually two of them. So he has been on antibiotics to decrease that in his system, so that way it help in turn helps his ticks. That's the goal is decrease that because it is a it role plays in causing his ticks. So we have we're still going on that, but I'm happy to report one of the uh counts is way down. Hallelujah. Um, so we are good on that one. We still have a little bit of ways to go, but this what the second one was the highest, it was like 500, and it's supposed to be like 80 or 100, something like that. Uh, so it is continuing to come down, it just takes time, and we knew that when we were going into it. So we have about another, probably, I think we go back right after school or something similar. I don't know. We go back and we'll, you know, do the blood work again, check his levels, etc. His ticks have gotten better. There's now times like we can tell when it's time for another round of medication uh for his tick because they become more frequent, which is at the end of the day. So he takes uh the antibiotic at night along with a pre and probiotic. Um so we towards that time frame of when we tip, you know, when he goes to bed and gets his medication, his ticks will increase a little bit. But overall, they have become better. And that's a great celebration. One of the other celebrations I really, really want to share is in my special needs and adoptive pairs will really understand why I'm sharing this and why I'm so uber excited. So my son is not affectionate, he does not welcome um touch. It is something that unless he asks for it, we don't do because it can send him into a tailspin. And that's due to various reasons: reactive attachment disorder, PTSD, um, just just the crap, the hint he was dealt. So we always have the same, and it took us a while to get into this nightly routine, you know. Me and my husband kiss him on the head, we say goodnight. Um, and he comes in like he'll literally come in and just put his head down because we know that that's what he wants is just a kiss on the head, right? He is not one to cuddle with you, he is not one to uh say I love you first, like he'll say it in response to you. And one of the counselors we had said it he may never tell you he loves you on his own. Like he understands that you're telling him, you know, hey, I love you, bud. And he says it back as a response as a okay, I hear you, mom, or I hear you, dad. Um, but he may never come out and say, Hey, I love you, um, out of the blue. So one day, one night I was going to uh watch my brother play softball, and it was a late game, so I was like, You guys are can't come, you guys need to go to bed, you got school tomorrow, whatever. And so I'm saying goodbye to the girls, and I walking out to the living room, and all of a sudden he just bops on over. He goes, I love you, mommy, be safe, and leans in and kisses me on the cheek. And I laugh because it was like one of those slobbery, like I don't know how to like a fish maybe trying to suck on my face. I don't know. It was it was literally one of the best moments I have had with him because first of all, he was showing me affection. I did not go out, like I had just walked out there to grab my stuff and walk out the door. He's like, I love you, mommy, gives me a kiss on the cheek. Of course, he doesn't know how to kiss because he's never given a kiss. Remember, we always kiss him on the forehead. He does not kiss anybody, so he kisses me on the cheek, my cheek's soaking wet. He says he loves me, and in the moment, I just love you too, bud. I'll see you in the morning. Whatever, behave for your daddy, and I walk out the door. Like, I just it took me a good minute or two. Like by the time I got into the car and sat down and buckled and breathed like the car's on, and I just I took a moment of breath to process what had just happened. Okay, he is 10 years old. We've had him, well, he's almost 11, Lord help us. Uh we've had him since the age of 18 months. So from 18 months till almost an 11-year-old, that is how long it took him to show us affection. So it was just one of those moments. I sat down in my car, you know, happy tears were flowing because it brings you back. I'm gonna try not to cry, but I can't promise you much. It brings me back to like the replay in the head of what got us to this moment. So, and I'm trying to explain this to you guys that don't have special needs or don't have this type of experience with your own child there or an adopted child because adopted every adopted child has an attachment issue, and we're gonna get into that in some episodes coming up. But it took us eight and a half years. It took me eight and a half years constantly showing up for my son, constantly loving my son, constantly showing him affection, constantly growing our relationship, constantly giving him what he needs to understand that there is love here. Nothing he says, nothing he does will ever stop me from loving him, teaching him unconditional love, which he doesn't understand because the first 18 months of his life, you guys heard what he went through. He was abused, he was neglected, he was starved. Like that's what the brain adapted to, right? So that is just a little update on him and on and our relationship. That's a big win for me. That is something that I marked down and I shared that, you know, with some of my followers on my Facebook, and just the comments and the love that was shown on that post because they know they've been through my fight. I haven't always been on this podcast sharing our fight, but through social media, that is where my voice started to come through is sharing our story. We've dealt with the backlash, which I've talked about that in an episode as well. And there's going we're gonna share more, but uh it was just it was such a win for us, especially after the lockdowns and all this just un out of the ordinary, I should say. Out of the ordinary things going on, right? We've all had to adapt to new changes. He is slowly getting back into his routine. We are still struggling, a tad in school, but we believe it is a medication issue, not a lack of understanding issue, and we are working obviously with the teacher. We have an amazing teacher, an amazing school that just communicates with us and allows us to be able to understand what what's happening, right? So, just kind of a little bit of the the issue we're dealing with now. Starting at Christmas, he started falling asleep in the afternoon almost immediately after lunch. So when we brought this to the doctor, my counselor and us, you know, we think logically. Um, and that's not a diss on doctors because they think medically and logically, like they have a lot more information that they know and know what works and knows what doesn't. Alright, guys, if you've known me for a hot minute, you know that five years ago I made the switch to a toxin and chemical-free home. And the company that I chose based on all my research was Young Living. And guys, yes, I've actually been to the farm, touched the plants, planted plants, and even saw the way that they just care about not just our plants, but the members, us, the everyday people that purchase their products day in and day out and use their products day in and day out. So with this offer, you go to myyl.com backslash dnj Floyd, and that's f L O Y D. This will all be in the show notes. And when you purchase your premium starter kit through that link, you will be sent a Thieves Household Cleaner, which will last you about six months. It lasts my family five to six months, but we use it on everything. Floors windows, steam mops, cars, we legit just use it on everything. So again, that website is myyl.com backslash DNJ Floyd, and that is also in the show notes. So hop on over, pick your Freeman Starter Kit and get yourself a free bottle of cleaner. Alright, let's get back to the show. So we pulled back on one of his medications because he at that time we didn't have context as to when he was falling asleep. So we pull back one of his medications thinking it's too much for him, and he's you know falling asleep because of this medication, instead of possibly adding another dose in the afternoon for his ADHD meds because he um is getting overwhelmed and becoming impulsive and not being able to focus, right? So I I didn't have that. It was just a report of he's falling asleep. So when this happened, I asked the teacher, I said, Can you please tell me when he falls asleep? So she was telling me, you know, documenting when she was falling asleep when we cut back on his medication, he was still falling asleep. And I and one day she messaged me and said, We had a bit of a rough afternoon. There was an incident out at the playground with one of his classmates. He came in, he was emotional, and then he fell asleep. I said, Okay. I said, is he fine now? And he goes, Yeah, he woke up, he's fine, good to go. He's you know doing his work. So the next day it happened again. Another incident, another emotional, you know, meltdown, falls asleep, wakes up, completes his work. I said, Have you noticed in the past when that this happens, that something happens prior to him falling asleep that maybe upsets him, he doesn't know how to process it, and then he so he falls asleep. She goes, you know what, now that you say that, I think the majority of the time something does happen. It may not be big, just you know, something small. So what we found out is what what was happening is essentially that before when he would get worked up, he would go into the fit and black we call it blackout, but he would become a completely different child, say things he didn't mean, um, he never hurt anybody in the fits, but he would just become verbally abusive. And after those outbursts, he would fall asleep and wake up like he was himself again, right? So now what's happening is we've we've taught him how not to lash out. We have taught him how to regulate his emotions, but we've also got him on the correct medication as well. And now what's happening is something happens that triggers him. He becomes emotional and he shuts down. And his shutdown is falling asleep. Because when he wakes up, he he's reset and he's gone, and he's only asleep for like 10, 20 minutes. Um so once we figured that out, the doctor's like, perfect. Let's now put the medication he was back on, let's get him back to where he was, because clearly it was not a medication uh contributing to his sleeping. And then let's reevaluate in a month if that impulse control and the uh and that part portion of it is not h is not lasting through because he was unable to focus. He was unable to do this, that, the other. Then we will go ahead and increase or add another dose. So we have been able to get moving forward on that. That's where we're at now. Um, but other than that, they're both doing really well. My daughter uh was in cheer, so we were roaming all around uh Florida, mostly to Orlando, and she was participating in cheer. Um she enjoyed it, she loves to cheer, and now all three children will be cheering or trying out for cheer this season. So y'all pray for me with that. Um, and then the last little bit I want to share with you is it's something, it's a little bit of encouragement for anybody listening to this that has a story. So one of my goals is to write kind of like an autobiography type book with some nuggets in there of help for parents that are in the situation that we're in. And it's been a goal of mine forever. So, you know, I I've dabbled in blogging, which I'm kind of going to be picking that up, just not it's not gonna be a main focus. Um I started this podcast as a way to just share everyday life within the system and offer you guys maybe nuggets of help or stories, or just kind of let you in on our life because I've had a lot of people say, I I love when you tell us because we don't know, we don't know what's going on, or or we get the oh my gosh, I never knew that you felt that way, or that you guys have dealt with this, you know, what did you learn? And I did start a nonprofit that uh it helps local foster and adoptive families, and through that I met somebody uh in an advertising uh promo type deal, and she also does a local magazine for us. So, you know, here I am, just little old me. She reaches out to me, she says, I would love it if you could write just your story, you know, a way condensed version. She's like, just 500 words, a little bit about you, your family, you know, your story, because I just think it's so inspirational and so uh stories that have been untold and not brought to light that our community could really use that, and then we'll put some information in there at the end about your uh nonprofit organization. That way, you know, people understand where this was birthed out of. And of course, I said yes, and it's just like in that moment, I'm just oh my gosh, I gotta write 500 words. I don't know if I can write 500 words, you know, back to high school in middle school when you had to write a report and it had to be so many words, and you're double spacing and adding i's and ands and ors or anything you can do to get those 500 words. So I said, stop being in your head. And one day while we were at cheer practice, I just I had brought my iPad with me and I said, just sit down and write. It doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to flow, just type out whatever it is that you feel you would like to share in this article about the story. I already know what I was gonna share about the organization because it's pretty much already written up. Uh so I sit down and then I come back and I I had done it in notes, um, and I come back and I copy and paste into a document so I can format it and edit it and arrange it to where it sounds to my like a person actually wrote it. And the word count was like 750. I was like, okay, well, the word count was not a problem, so let's rearrange this, try and take some things out uh and get it, you know, all whatever. So I I sent her this article that is you know 750. I said, look, I tried my hardest to get this down to your word count. She's like, Oh, you don't worry about a word count. I want you to add more about this here, what our organization, um, and we can do three pages if needed. So you just get me what you want and what I, you know, what I'm asking for, which was more on the organization, and we'll make it work. And originally she was like, I need three photos. So then I come back, I was like, okay, here's the article. Uh, it's this many words. She's like, perfect, this will be three pages, so now we need a lot more photos. And it was just, it was really, you know, she goes, I knew what pictures I sent her. She goes, Can I please go on your Facebook and just pull some of the photos that I I think are great photos to show your family dynamic and like what I see of your family? I said, sure, absolutely. So I had no clue what photos uh she had chosen. And we are, I don't even remember where it was, but I got a proof on my phone and I pull it up, and it's like, you know, one of those ah moments. But I w I wasn't too like overly emotional because I was really focused on editing it and making sure that it looked great. And I didn't per se really pay attention to the photos, I just looked at them to make sure they were halfway decent photos she took off my uh page, which they were. And then, you know, a couple a month or so went by and she's like, I got the bo, I got a you know, a whole box of the magazines to drop off to you so you guys can pass them out and get them out to your friends, family, the community, you know, whatever. So I get the box, and you know, of course I'm excited, but me not thinking I'm like, oh, I'll be cool. Let's just hop on a Facebook Live and open this together and see my article for the first time together with all my peeps. So, you know, I go inside, I start the video, and I I I tell them the story, obviously, of how this came to be because it was a big moment for me. Like it's it's an article in a local magazine that it just it was one step closer to what I know I'm supposed to be doing, right? So I open it, I start talking about it, and then I j it just like the the aha moment, I guess you could say, like I had with my son, it just it hit me and I lost it. So here I am crying on Facebook Live, trying to read the article, trying to see the article. My girls are like rubbing my back saying, It's okay, mommy, it's okay. Of course, they're happy tears, but to see it printed with our photos in the magazine, it was just something that I will forever be grateful for, and that I will remember for a very long time to come. So it was really kind of cool. What I will do though, it is online as well. They the article is online, so I'm gonna post that in the show notes so you guys can read it if you would like. And to my friends and family out there that are listening, if you would like a hard copy, let me know. I'm happy to mail uh you out a copy. But I will link the article in the show notes. But that's kind of how my 2020 was wrapped up in a pretty little bow. Um, even though the magazine didn't come out until January, all this was completed last year, November, December is when the article was written and proofed and all that ready for print. So it was kind of a whirlwind 2020, a lot going on at once, especially with the added bonus of a pandemic and everything else going on. Uh, so but I'm really looking forward to 2021 sharing more stories, sharing my thoughts on headline stories. So those are coming up. And if you're in my world or if you're on social media, you I'm sure you probably already know some stories I'm going after. Um, just to share my thoughts on them because I have mixed feelings on the majority of these stories, and it'll probably just be I don't know that I'm gonna do an individual one, I'll probably just do like a headline show, you know, in the headlines, and we'll just talk about it. Um, because I have some very interesting views on it. I'll probably do some more live QA's. I will for sure have other guests on. It I'm just excited that we're back. I'm excited to be in front of this microphone, even if I am sitting in my closet. Like if it were a video right now, you all would probably die laughing. Um, but you do what you do when you're a mother, right? So I thank you guys for being here. Welcome back. So, so happy to be back. And we will talk at you next Monday. Thank y'all so much for listening to this episode of the Graceful Truth Unscripted podcast. Here's what I want you to do next: take a screenshot of that episode you're listening to right now. Head on over to your Instagram or Facebook stories and tag Graceful Truth Unscripted so more people can find our podcast. Also, if you really love us, head on over to iTunes and leave us a review. I will be reading as many reviews as I can on the next episode of the podcast. So be sure to listen for your shout out. If you haven't already, please click that subscribe button so you don't miss a show. And don't forget, if you have a question for the show, shoot us a message on Instagram or Facebook or email gracefultruthunscripted at gmail.com. Alright, y'all. Time to spread the sunshine wherever you go. See ya.