What Does Family Really Mean?

Pastor Matt, Cyle, and Carver sit down to talk about one of the most fundamental parts of life — family. Inspired by the Mandalorian: Grogu & Dust Bunny film and the church's current "Hollywood" series, the conversation goes deep on what it truly means to be family. From chosen relationships and church community to the sacrifices of ministry life, the guys share personal stories, laugh a lot, and remind listeners that real family is built through intentional time, loyalty, and showing up for each other. Plus, hear about all the ways you can find your people at Heart of Lakes Church.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Well, hello and welcome to the hodl cast. I'm Pastor Minute.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

I'm Kyle.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

And here's Carver.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

And I'm Carver.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

We are a little bit short-stabbed, so we've got Carver kind of pulling double duty for us, so we really appreciate that, sir. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

I I like how fast he jumped into a C. He really did.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I forgot I had to move over how it was messing with the sound that fast.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

We could have said your name for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

That is also true. So it has been a cool week for me because I got to preach at the Brooklyn campus, which doesn't happen all that often, but it was awesome to get out there for Hoddlewood, which has been a series that's been pretty cool for most of us to be able to go through and talk about where you can find different things of God in modern day movies in cinema.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

I like to say the cultural vernacular of society is movies. Biblical truth wherever it's found.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

So that each week we have a multimedia extravaganza event happening at the campuses. Is that kind of the game plan?

SPEAKER_02 1:05

The only problem is I think it's not the cultural vernacular of everyone. It's just our nerd nerdiness. Because like we're picking some movies people haven't seen.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

I think that that is more the fact that we're going recent instead of not.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

It was funny because like you were like, who has seen Mandalorian Grogu? And they're just stood at you like crickets turning. Who's Grogu? One person raises their hand, like, yeah. And like no one else had seen the movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

That was first service, but yeah, it was super bad third service too, because I had like one person raise their hand, like, yeah, I've seen it.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

You know, so nerds go to the second service. That's the nerdy service.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

I mean, I haven't seen it yet.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

You know, I just sound right there. Um, train up a child in the way that you go, Kyle. Just saying.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

That's actually a really good uh couple episodes of a TV show put together.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah, it kind of was. That's that's really the way that it played out. It didn't feel cinematic, it just felt like you know, one of the shows. But yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

So you mean but you got a chance to talk about Star Wars, which we we all love Star Wars uh around here. Some more than others, but yes. So when it comes down to it, you did pick a very odd part of the movie to show people who had not seen Mandalorian Grogu. You had um Rota the Hut.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Yeah, Rot of the Hut, yeah. And yeah, it's but getting clips for this was really hard too. Like that was a real challenge for being able to make that whole thing work. But and then we got kicked off of YouTube with it again, anyhow.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

So it just hard to do those things. So yeah. But you were able to pull out a message about family. Yes, it is a show about family and real family, and so tell us a little bit about um that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Well, I think I want to kind of start with a question. I mean, I know that you guys are family, but kind of separating that out for a little bit, what over the years has family meant to either of you? You want to start, Carver?

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Uh yeah, I can start. I mean, I would consider Cody part of our family, even though he's not like a blood relative to me, because I've known him my whole life, so like I'd consider him like an uncle to me. And like his family, I would say, is like like I care about them because like I just I've known them that long. It's like there's other people in my life I care about like deeply, and I would consider family, like Zeke. And it's like none of them are like blood relatives to me, but like I spent a lot of time with them, and it's like I care about him deeply.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

Zeke is Pastor Todd, who was our pastor over at our other campus, who also was friends. We were friends with him for basically five or six years before that. That is his grandson that lives with him. So like a frame of reference for a little bit of those who are not here.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Like, I did not know that connection.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Yeah, Zeke is Todd's grandson, so nice.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

I know we still spend a ton of time with him. I love I love having him up.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

He went and saw Spider-Man with us, which was yeah, really cool. And he didn't know some of the characters that were in it, which was even funnier.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

We uh Todd tells me all the time that Zeke would just choose to live with us full time if he could. And we love it. Like we love having him around, we love we love goofing around with him, taking him with us to places and taking the sheets. So um he typically likes the dumb stuff we like. So he works out, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

He fits in. He definitely fits in. So how about for you? What has family looked like over the years?

SPEAKER_02 4:19

I think family is what you're born into and what you make it. And I think um I think you choose family. I mean, you're essentially family to me. So we've known each other so long and I consider you family. Um no matter where where you're at in the world and your family is family, and same with Cody and uh now Mark. I mean, I've known Mark so long, I think. Family is a is a position in your life that you are have by nature, but I think also by nurture. I think you choose people to enter into your family. And so for me, when you enter in that place, like it's a profound deep place. And if you really live it out, there's a loyalty that should innately be with family, that you should care about each other at a deeper level. So for me, that's how I see it is like if I've chosen to be in relationship with someone with family as family, then we do life together, the good, the bad times we're we're in it, you know, we're in it to win it. So kind of deal. So together, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

And I think for you too, that the idea of family extends out even a little bit further than it would for most people, with your by the third time you visit, you're no longer a guest at my house kind of thing, too. Yeah. And I I've seen that played out both with the things that have happened for me, things that have happened for others, and especially with Chris and the fact that anytime he's around or not driving truck or whatever, that Chris Moffat will just kind of pop in, walk in, grab something out of the freezer.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

He has stopped in three or four times just to get a drink of water and leave. He's like, Yeah, I'm here to get the drink of water. We're family, I'm leaving. All right, see ya. Yeah, it's kind of weird. So gotta make sure I'm fully clothed at all times with this. Chris is in town. No, but it's uh it's it's fun to have that. You know, I I have said it, I haven't said it much recently, but I've you know, I say if you've been here three times, your family. I just told someone this the other day, hey, you've been here three times, your family, like you're in, you know, like get your own dishes, clean up your after yourself. So um act like your family, be family. But it's harder the more people you have in your family because you just don't have time for everyone at a at a deep level, and that that can be really difficult. The more people you have in your family, the more people you by nature need to spend time with. So that can be really difficult. But yeah, I think it's good to have people who are family because for family, you don't have to talk to them all the time to still be family. Like it's still you still have a relationship, even if you haven't talked to them in weeks, months, you know, years. It's like, oh, that's my cousin I haven't seen in 10 years. We're still cousins, yay, you know. So like it's it's there's something about family that's innately different and profound.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

And I think it's interesting too because as pastors and as pastors, you know, kids and so forth like that, it's it's one of those things where we have to look at it a little bit differently because there's always going to be that level of distance whenever you're in ministry and you're kind of opening your life up to, well, I'm just gonna go and serve wherever God sends me. If that is three hours from home, or if that's five hours from home, or you know, six states away, uh, or even overseas for you know mission stuff. You know, like there's lots of different ways and times where we end up looking at those situations and we're like, yeah, if I'm following God's lead, that means that yes, while I am connected to my family, while I do love those people, while I will always care about them and want to be there for them, there are things you end up missing. Like there are things that you just can't be a part of. And that is one of the sacrifices that is typically made by clergy or pastoral staff or anything like that, where there are certain events where you you can't get back home for it. You many times I would be preaching on Christmas Eve, and my mom would be like, Are you coming home for Christmas? I can't make it. There's just there's not enough time for me to be able to get there after. So it's it is a challenge at times, and it is something where you have to look at it and you know, you gotta kind of think through the things that Jesus said. Where whenever he was doing his ministry and walking through things, you know, he had someone come up to him and say, Hey, you know, your your mother's here, you know, you've got other family here, and he's like, I'm not focused on that right now. Not in an unloving way, but in a, I've got other things that I have to be doing, and other things that are my current responsibilities. And I think that's fascinating too, because certainly both of you over the years have missed those larger family experiences and family events. So would you say that growing up, kind of looking at that from that perspective, that there were times where you felt, man, I really wish I could have been at these things? Or were you able to say, No, we're we're doing what God wants us to do?

SPEAKER_00 8:41

I mean, you're probably asking the wrong guy. I mean, we've missed a couple things, but it I've no, it's not something that's ever impacted me deeply. That's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Yeah. Now, how about for you?

SPEAKER_02 8:52

No. Yeah. I mean, I miss things. It's just it is what it is. It is what it is. If you're called to ministry, you're called to a different life. And so I mean, there's there's things that I would love to do. I've missed a lot of things that are maybe things I want to do, but not necessarily for family.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

So that's fair.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

I've missed, you know, game card competitions, but uh uh, you know, so family reunion is not something I ever really thoroughly enjoyed, anyways. But I mean, I think family, the context of family is like family is a relationship that you have that doesn't require getting together at a reunion. It's an innate relationship you have, and it's a connection you have that you have to uphold, you have to develop, you have to deepen, and you have to you don't have to do that just at an event. You can do that during the week, during the year, emails, phone calls, texts, like um, you know, I I used to be terrible at following up with people, and so I may I make a con intentional uh decision to follow up with people who I want to stay in connection and contact with, which is phone calls, which is just hey, how you doing? And you know, I've tried to really focus on that. And so that doesn't mean I just have to show up at an event or a reunion, it means I show up in someone's life. And so I think the key is more are you showing up in someone's life that you value and you see as family in different ways. Like I consider Nick family, we spent a ton of time together playing games and and uh so what that looks like for me is not just spending time with Nick, but then his daughter, Maisie, who is at the place where she's starting to form like relationships, friendships, and she's you know, she's little, was she four now? Yeah, five now. And so like I want Maisie to think I'm cool because I'm friends with her dad. It's not like we're like, hey, we're we're doing a relationship, we're family. Like we you should, you know, should know I care about you and want to, you know, like it's she should be excited when I come around and I want to be excited when she's around. So those are the things you do innately if you care about somebody at a deeper level, you care about their whole family. Like, I make sure to talk to Nick's wife when I see Kara to try to just go over and start a conversation, like because it's more of caring about the person, but it's caring about their whole existence if you're family. Like it's not just a momentary thing, it's like a lifestyle thing. And so uh and his littlest one, you know, he's still he's still at the point where you know he smiles at me, but he's still young. So uh we're gonna get there one day.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

So you're building those bridges with Tommy right now, too. Ryan's son.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

Yeah, Ryan's son. Yeah, I'm trying to get Tommy. We're close. I'm about to about to break him, break him down where he thinks I'm the coolest guy ever. So uh, but you do that for people because you're trying to to create an existence that is familial and and there's a connection there, and I think that's we have to be intentional about those things, and it takes time, and you have to just keep at that effort of creating that family. But it is, I think it's nurture and nature, you know, for family, and we have to really, you know, Carver is actually my blood family. Um, we spent a lot of time together. We were playing cards last night, and I was doing a lot of winning. And um didn't need to bring that up or whatever. Okay, he he beat me once. Uh, but you know, I was doing a lot of dancing because I do a lot of dancing when I'm winning, and uh he hates it. But um, you know, so you we have filidity. Yeah, it was fun. It's it's a good time. But like you spend time together with people doing the things that you care about now um that you just have to figure that out for each other, and you know, there's a lot of times I'll go do things for family that aren't necessarily things I want to do. We were actually having this conversation today about valuing people and building relationships so that gets in the way because it's inconvenient at times. There's times where if you really want to be in a familial relationship with somebody, it's gonna be an inconvenient to your day, to your workday, to your schedule. Like that's just my life as a pastor. There's days that I I want to get like 20 things done, and then like my whole day gets sidetracked by people that I care about needing me to show up for them in different ways so they feel the value, they feel that they're family, and that's hard because that I mean you've been there, you're a pastor. So I've been on both sides of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Yeah, especially with you, where when my dad died, you you know made that extra effort to reach out and stay connected and keep checking in. Whenever, you know, I had a bad experience at a church that went very poorly, you kept reaching out, checking in, staying connected because you've recognized through your experiences and the things that were kind of those darker moments, it's like, hey, I've got this person that I love and that I care about that I see what they're going through, I recognize what's happening, and I want to be there for them in that moment. So, how are you building that type of a relationship with all of your middle school guys? Because you guys are constantly together. You're constantly in the group together, you're constantly texting back and forth with your middle school pros group, like you've got all of these different things that are happening. Are you seeing those types of connections form with those guys even at their age?

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Oh, definitely. I think I think it's really it's easier with middle schoolers because they just want to hang out. So, like just keeping them together and keeping them hanging out kind of grows that closeness, I've noticed. So, like it's just it's easy things. It's like just making sure I'm like, you know, we're hanging out. We play a lot of cards, so that makes it really easy because we just we go and we do that. But like playing video games from time to time, texting, just checking up on them, making sure they're they're doing well, is like it's just it builds that connection, builds that familiarity that like just grows closeness.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Yeah. And to start it at this age is a really great thing. So if you are listening to this and you are hoping to kind of get plugged in and connected with a group of people or hoping to try and kind of get someone to speak into your life or get connected with the things that you're doing, please make sure that you're trying to connect with different things and opportunities that we have at the church because we've got life groups, we've got people that are in Bible studies, we've got a women's group that's kind of just around the corner, we've got men's events that are coming just around the corner.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

So you've got boating with friends. Voting with friends, dinner with the floor. People get to know them. You've got dinner with friends, like you've got all these opportunities for people to plug in. There is no excuse at Hard Lakes to not have community. It means you're I truthfully, if people say hard lakes say, I don't have community, I don't have family here, you're you're not trying. Like there's just so many ways to get plugged in. We're intentional about that because we want people to find their fit, their group of people. Because the the secret sauce to Hard Lakes is the people. Like it's it's not the programming, it's not the there's there's great pastors, there's great musicians everywhere. Like it's can you find a group of people that you can do life together with? And if you can, you can be here a long time and really enjoy life and walk through the difficult seasons and the and the good seasons with a group of people that love you and care about you. That's what matters.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Exactly. Completely agree. So thank you guys so much for joining us this week on the HODL cast. We are glad that you tuned in. Hopefully, you will check us out next time as well. And we hope to see you guys on Sunday.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Peace.