The Soul Digger Podcast
The Soul Digger podcast is the MUST listen for courageous women who are ready to dig deep, take the leap and manifest a life beyond their wildest dreams. Hosted by Manifestation Coach, Global Wellness Leader and Author, Kim Mellor, this podcast is a place for your soul to be seen, stretched and celebrated! Get empowered with practical tools, spiritual advice and aligned action to implement today! If you're ready to live authentically, fearlessly and unapologetically, hit the subscribe button. Follow Kim on Instagram @kimmellor_@thesouldigger_
The Soul Digger Podcast
Ep.158 - My Broke AF Era: Breaking Free from Financial Shame
Kim Mellor shares her journey through a transformative "broke AF era," revealing how financial challenges became a pathway to break free from societal conditioning and find true freedom.
• My beautiful friend Melanie Dean interviews me in this special takeover episode
• Two years of financial hardship taught me that being broke isn't what breaks you—it's the shame and meaning we attach to it
• Losing consistent income in Bali forced me to confront my attachment to money as identity and external safety
• Patterns of people-pleasing and lending money without boundaries revealed deeper issues with self-worth
• The spiritual teachings of Kabbalah helped me see challenges as opportunities for growth
• Breaking free required acceptance, appreciation, and learning to be truly present
• My North Node in Gemini eighth house revealed my soul's purpose to teach about shared resources and taboo topics
• The most valuable lesson was finding internal freedom that isn't dependent on external circumstances
• True abundance flows when we balance spiritual connection with practical grounding
If you've experienced financial shame or are going through a challenging time, remember: you're not broke, you're brave AF —and breaking FREE
Big shout out to Melanie dean for interviewing me!! Follow her on IG Melanie Dean
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Hello Soul Diggers. Wow, today we have a very different episode. We have a Soul Digger takeover. My beautiful friend, melanie Dean kindly accepted the invitation to interview me for this episode. I feel like the past two years have been full of so much growth and challenge and mess and beauty that I wanted to be interviewed myself. I wanted to extract as much golden wisdom from this time as possible so that you can learn from my lessons and you don't have to go through what I went through. So this episode is sharing the highs, the lows, the learnings from my broke AF era, which, by the way, has been about breaking free. Guys. It's never being broke that breaks you. It's the story of shame and what we make it mean. So, as soul diggers, you know how it goes, what we make it mean. So, as soul diggers, you know how it goes. We're here to talk about the taboo and break free from any and all shame so that we can experience true freedom and liberation. Enjoy this episode.
Speaker 2:So, hello everybody. You might be noticing a different northern accent as this podcast begins. My name is Melanie Dean and I am so excited to be doing a takeover of the Soulful Digger. The Soul Digger or already I've made a mistake it's the Soul Digger podcast and I am interviewing the gorgeous, the wonderful, the beautiful, kim Mellor.
Speaker 2:Kim, you have been on quite the journey with the podcast, with life, with everything that you have put yourself out for, and I always think of you as someone who lives life on the playing field. You're definitely not in the audience watching. You are on that playing field. You're taking part and experiencing all that life brings and offers, in all that life brings and offers. And so I know you have been experiencing a different side to what life can offer these last few years, and I know that you always bring so much beauty and honesty and rawness to your podcast. So, listeners, today it is my pleasure to be here with Kim, interviewing Kim and, dare I say it, being a bit nosy about Kim and Kim's life over the last two years. Hi, kim, Welcome to your podcast. How are you feeling?
Speaker 1:Welcome to your podcast. I don't know if I'm excited or scared.
Speaker 2:Honestly, maybe a bit of both is always a good thing, right? You know we're leaning into the polarity.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, so I think we should just get straight to it, because I know this is something that is passionate for you to share. Again, like I mentioned, you do connect in with feelings and how things feel and land, and there's so much to learn from that. So let us know what's what has been going on in these last couple of years that maybe some people might not really understand and fully know what. What's what you've been experiencing and feeling.
Speaker 1:Straight to it straight to it no lube. Um, I've been in a broke era. The past couple years have been really challenging financially for me, and it's only now that I I don't know. I just I feel this shift that's happened, this shedding of shame and the deep realizations of what that whole journey was about, and and so, yeah, I really wanted to extract the gold from this journey because, you know, it's so important to me to live authentically and to share from an empowered place, so that anyone who's listening, who might be going through a broke phase or maybe you've had a broke phase, and it's still impacting how you show up today that there is only gold to be found here gold to be found here, so beautiful, and it's purely a snippet of the time that you're in right now.
Speaker 2:Everything that you've done previously and experienced, and all that wisdom and knowledge and that you've had and you've gained over the years, is still that richness within you already right? It's just. When you say broke, does that mean like that physical earth I'm an, I'm an earth being right here, experiencing, like? Is that what you mean by broke? That that sensation?
Speaker 1:well, yeah, exactly, it's the perception of we're broken if we don't have a certain amount of money in our bank account, if we're not at a certain destination at a certain point of our life. And you know, my soul came here to break free, to break free of labels and conditioning that is, you know, laid on by society. And what I know to be true now is that experience wasn't about going broke, it was about breaking free, breaking free from the illusion that money has control or it makes us more worthy or more valuable. And you know, we see so much online. You know people's stories of going from broke to multiple six figures and I'm like but what about the journey of multiple six figures to going broke? Like, why is any of those stories more valuable than the other?
Speaker 2:Like, they aren't.
Speaker 1:And I actually went to record the podcast the other day on my own and I was like, wow, I need someone to help me extract this wisdom because, you know, I could even feel the resistance within myself of like, what will people think of me if I share this part of me? But I know that that's just the ego voice of fear and I'm choosing to share from a place of love and truth. You know what's happened and why I perceive it's happened and I'm also sharing from the place of I'm. I'm not making multiple six figures right now and it doesn't matter where we are. It's important to meet ourselves where we're at and, yeah, it's been like such, such a valuable journey yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm curious, you know, because I do go deep and I go and I also get straight into the little nooks and crannies of of conversation and of words. Do you feel, do you feel, that you've manifested this? It was your part of your creation? Creation, do you feel? Was there ever times when you felt like you wanted to experience the feeling and sensation of not having things did? Was that ever? She's already giggling. I bet you didn't ask yourself this, did you the other day?
Speaker 1:I didn't know, sorry, no, it's, it's, yeah, what a great question. Yes, I you know. As we know, we just had this conversation that we we signed a contract before we came to earth about the experiences that we were going to have, and I absolutely know I chose this experience because my past life was Sagittarius, in the second house, which is travel, being nomadic, being independent, very attached to money and identity. So my whole past life was based on what I had being the guru. This is the way it should be, listen to me.
Speaker 1:And, of course, the life that we are here to fulfill is the opposite, and so my north node is in Gemini, in the eighth house, which is about teaching and communicating about shared resources and taxes and taboo topics and sex and things like that, which is why I feel so drawn to this podcast and to teach about these things. So, of, of course, as a soul, we have to be initiated in what we're here to teach and the life we're here to live and fulfill. So I feel like the past two years have been the purification of my past life, so that I can step fully into this place where money has no control over me, because I was still gripping onto the full safety that power is outside of me and safety is outside of me. And you know, the paradox is it's yes on both, because we're spiritual beings with infinite potential, but we are in a limited vessel, we're in a human body with a mind.
Speaker 2:So I feel like it's been a purification process of letting go of the past life so I can fully step into my, my soul's purpose yeah, beautiful, and and I and also I think you know the reason why I asked that question is because you know we can only ask and project and speak into what maybe we know and what we've experienced.
Speaker 2:And I've definitely had those moments where I've I've like cheekily thought in my head, ooh, what would I do if I lost all my money and had nowhere to live? And there's a bit of an excitement with it, almost this like freedom that goes with it, and then that can then become like a oh, let's be mindful of not thinking about this too much, because then it can be that sort of what you know as a man, think of, you know whatever you think about, know whatever you think about, you bring about intention. But there's also, like you say, there's there's two things playing at once there's that free will and there's that soul contract, and you feel that you land in in between the two and that they're both happening at the same time.
Speaker 1:And this was still part of what you needed in order to maybe learn what you've learned yeah, I feel, because I had such a grip still on money and identity and I'm here to share resources, which I feel is a reason why I'm so drawn to network marketing, is the ability to support lots of people and build community and have wealth flow through me. And I know I'm here to steward large amounts of wealth and I couldn't do that if my ego was in the driving seat, if I was making it all about me. And so, you know, the primary source of income that I had two years ago the consistency and the safety net that I had from a business that I built over 10 years it felt really comfortable and it felt really safe. And it's interesting again, because that safety allowed my spiritual gifts to come online, you know. So I was able to book a one-way ticket to Bali when COVID came, really comfortably by, you know, by a villa, rent a villa with all of my friends and live this incredible life in Bali. You know, I was making a six figure salary and I wasn't really doing a lot, and so that external safety allowed me to tap into my spiritual gifts. And that's where my coaching business came online and I started the you know, all these different like retreats and ideas were flowing because I felt that external safety. And then, I'd say, about six months into living in Bali, that consistent income got taken away from me, which now I know was all divine, and God was helping me to let go of that external safety so that I could experience the truth and the connection to being provided for.
Speaker 1:And I woke up one day and, to you know, for whatever reason, had an email saying we're going to remove your account and you're no longer going to get paid. So I went into this place of like fear and, oh my gosh, like what am I going to do? Like this, just this feeling of like, wow, well, what am I gonna do? Like this, just this feeling of like, wow, well, what am I gonna do? But then I also have my coaching business. So I thought, well, I'm, I'm fine, I'm thriving. My coaching business is, you know, serving so many people and I feel so connected to my mission. But then, because I relied on that to make money, it then put pressure on it. It put pressure on my gifts and my coaching and, yeah, it came from a place of lack, which is then where the spiral started to come from.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I just want to go back to that moment because I think what can be quite common in the world and the circle that we move in is that feelings aren't valid.
Speaker 2:And, you know, work through the feelings, get over it kind of energy and like what I realized was it was all God's plan.
Speaker 2:I have faith, I trusted the universe, got my back, but with all that said and done and that's sort of like the surface knowledge this is what I know, I'm supposed to say, I'm supposed to feel in inverted commas there's this rawness of like feeling of what we're here to experience, which is that very human experience, like you know, because I think that's what people really need to hear, because that's when people feel like that's that was me, I had that, like I can relate to that. So you know, just if you're happy to just go into a little bit more about like what you really felt, like truly, you know not what you know. Actually it's all going to be fine, because I understand there's that voice too and that you know you do have that, that resonance there within you. But yeah, I just think it's important to share those bits, if you, if you can touch on that a bit more yeah, yeah, I mean, there was was many, many dark times.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, I felt like I had just dropped down a hundred foot hole that I didn't know how to get out of. Some days I'd wake up and think, wow, where's money going to come from today? Or, oh my God, I need to create a program and create this much money to be able to live. And it just felt like this constant feast and famine cycle. And I remember we went to Uluwatu on a girl's weekend and I felt so much shame around I hope people don't want me to split the food bill and like, can I even afford to to to stay here right now? I actually remember I stayed in accommodation that was down the road that was like way cheaper than what everyone was staying in, and I made up some random excuse like oh, you know my friend's here, and she said I could stay. And you know I was.
Speaker 1:I was so disconnected from my truth because I had so much shame around saying to them you know, I can't really afford to pay this right now.
Speaker 1:And we were sat in a sister circle, like we always do, and we were just sharing what was alive.
Speaker 1:I remember everyone's eyes turned on me and I just broke down literally broke down when I shared that you know, my consistent income has stopped and I don't know what I'm going to do, and I felt so much pressure and wow, it's just so much shame. It was the shame of people knowing and looking at me thinking that Kim is broken, what is wrong with her? Why is she not making 10K months, 20k months, all that kind of stuff? And yeah, it was a real, real low moment I. But I'm really glad that I experienced it and felt that, because it allowed me to receive unconditional love from my sisters and that was the first time I really expressed it to anyone. This is a couple of years ago and I was like, wow, okay, these women still love me as a human, even though I've just shared that I have no money. I don't know where it's going to come from, and I was just like on my knees yeah, yeah, and I think in those moments it is.
Speaker 2:You know, the narrative, isn't it of we project on other people what we think they're going to be and how they're going to be towards us, and and you know, I guess you know when we identify with what we do and what we're bringing, and you know where. Identify as a coach, right, you identify as someone who's one of the top income earners in network marketing. You identify as this title, and then it's, it's a, it's a certain it's. You know that all that is just taken and stripped away from you. And then it's that, okay, like, say, the ego wants to identify as something and someone. And if you're then identifying as broke and that you say you associate that with shame, have you since learn from that that that shame's come from somewhere in particular? And not that we need to know all of the ins and outs, but is that what you've? Have you uncovered that within you or do you just feel that's just general living on this planet, in the western world?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean, the perception of myself is the perception I see of the world, right? So if I'm feeling judgment and shame around where I'm not, it's because I'm judging others about where they are and where they're not. So I feel like it was an invitation to like clear a lot of that conditioning within myself, because it did feel like conditioning. You know, there was a part of me that loved being in the coaching industry and loved like the money and like making 10 and 20 and 50k months. And I remember I don't know what came over me. The creator was like, right, we're gonna make you hit absolute rock bottom now. We're gonna inspire you to withdraw every single cent that you have from investments and savings and you're gonna invest it into a coach. That was like 30 grand. And I was like, yeah, I'm just going to do that because that's that's what people do, and if I invest 30 grand in this one-on-one coach, then other people will invest in me. So I was using money as like a crux to my identity, like, oh, I've invested this much.
Speaker 1:Look at me, look how amazing I am yeah and it worked for a while while I was doing the coaching.
Speaker 1:It was a great experience that my soul chose to have and as soon as I had stopped investing oh, that I like that yeah I went down, down, down, down, down down.
Speaker 1:So the moment I just shared was like that was just like the surface level of what was about to happen, because I remember being sat in Bali, I'd just finished all the coaching and I again felt all of this pressure to then make 60K a month and 100K a month, and I was investing from lack, because I thought that that investment would fill a hole within me and it would allow people to perceive me as being a certain way and a certain identity.
Speaker 1:And then the creativity just stopped, like I went into such scarcity in my body which, as know, we need to feel safety in order to be fully creative in our, in our, in our work. So I then felt this pressure and this scarcity in my chest and in my body and it just completely shut off and I stopped the channel. I stopped the flow, I I think that's a big reason why I stopped. I paused the podcast for a a bit because I felt so disingenuous and this identity was like just, it was just so addicted to how I was perceived by others and what they would think of me if I now didn't have all of those things you know so, so when did you notice what was the moment and when you just felt that it was it all crumbled away and sort of what.
Speaker 2:You know if you say that when you were in bali with the girls, that was just sort of like almost the beginning of it, when was that moment where you did feel that it all just crumbled? Was there a particular time at a particular moment?
Speaker 1:yeah, I was. It sounds bonkers as well, because I'm living in Bali, I wake up to a sea view, I have accommodation, you know I've got my basic needs met. So again, I think being broke is a perception right yeah, yeah, exactly yeah yeah, I remember.
Speaker 1:I remember waking up in that exact environment, you know, waking up in this beautiful villa in Uluwatu with my friends next door and sea views, and I just kept getting emails like notifications that you know, you owe this much money and you owe this much money because I'd also started to invest from a place of lack and borrow money. It's almost like I was addicted to to chasing the success, and so I'd do whatever I could do to fund this identity that I thought I needed to step into. So I would get all these notifications and emails about you owe this much money, you owe this much money. And then, you know, I'd obviously have like my usual bills and my phone bill and all these bills that were just like decline, decline, decline, decline. And it was just like this.
Speaker 1:This external pressure was like reminding me that I'm broken. I'm broken, I don't have my shit together. Um, and yeah, I then just went into avoidance. I went into avoiding the real world, avoiding taxes, avoiding car part tickets, avoiding everything that you know I associated with responsibility because I obviously wasn't ready to be fully responsible with my money, and so I just avoided it and sweeped it all under the rug yeah, but also offering yourself compassion.
Speaker 2:There's not always necessarily much out there to help or to educate or to learn about these things, and I think it's. It is very common, isn't it, to that bury your head in the sand, because it's that also, that feeling of a confused mind does nothing, and if you don't know what to do and how to handle it and you obviously don't have that imprints in within you at this time you know it's completely understandable everything that you were doing, completely thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I was disconnected from the spiritual, knowing that it was a part of the journey. So I do believe that at times where, well, we came here to forget, you know, we came here to forget so that we could remember what our soul's journey is. What do you mean?
Speaker 2:by that, just in case it's just a throwaway sentence that people don't understand. Thank you, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I believe that we sign a contract before we come here and our soul knows our destiny, but as soon as we're born, like we forget the steps, we forget who we are, and then the journey of life is about remembering following the breadcrumbs. And I believe that that time where I felt broke was my soul just kind of forgot on purpose, so that I could go through that experience and feel what I needed to feel to shift the shame within my body and, as you are so familiar with with Kundalini, is it's about embodiment, it's not about what you know. And so my soul had to go through that experience and live and feel so that I could tap into empathy. You know, I definitely judged other people for what they did or didn't do, or have or didn't have, and so, like any experience I believe we go through so that we see others through a different lens of love and empathy and compassion yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:So I feel like you know, I was thinking that when I was going to sleep the other night, could I have done anything differently or sped it up, and it's like, well, no, because it's all perfect. And I believe that that period of time was the exact process that I need to lean into. An experience and this free will piece that we speak to a lot about as well is I was so in the victim. You know I my, my free will was again delegated outside. You know, outsourced to and outside of myself. You know, outsourced to and outside of myself. So I feel like I've the lesson has also been to cultivate the free will to choose something different and to shift my perception yeah, yeah, shift in that internal world.
Speaker 2:So then it begins to shift the external world and, like you mentioned, you know you have the experience and from the experience you can then develop that a strength of compassion and love and kindness, at first for yourself and what you've been through, which then can be projected out outwards in like a genuine, true, true way, not based on, like you say, what people have or what they've achieved or anything else.
Speaker 2:And so did you begin, because you mentioned and obviously I've known you for many years, so I know that this is something that you've done a few times but that like lending out money not knowing that was really actually going to come back, and you know you are well, you can either call it whatever you want, can't you? Because you can look at it as a positive or a negative, you can call it generous or you could call it a bit daft, you know whichever, but the amount of money you've offered and given people, did you start to learn, like the patterns that you were having and obviously I'm saying daft, and you're not daft at all, but just to play a bit of devil's advocate in there but did you notice like that? Those were some patterns that had been playing out just in your life, you know, in relationship to money?
Speaker 1:yes, great question. And and this is this is something that if we, if we find that we're in the same circumstance, the same country, we're meeting the same people, it's it's never. It's never the circumstance, it is the patterns that we're still clinging on to that keep repeating outside of ourselves. So this is something I feel like I've actually only just cleared recently. Is this pattern of overstretching living beyond my means? And it's interesting because I I never used to do this at all, like i've've always had an abundance of money and an overflow of money and I've had a lot of money move through my hands, but when I look back, I've not had the container to hold the money.
Speaker 1:You know I've given my partner X amount of money or I've lent a stranger x amount of money and just had this like flippant, this flippant, um, I'll just, I'll just trust. You know, there wasn't that, the the self assuredness and the boundaries to to say no, because I was a people pleaser and so I use money as a way to get validation and and and please others. So I feel like that was the pattern that needed to be broke. So when I moved into coaching, I then started to use money that I didn't have so that I could get ahead, because, again, money was a tool for me to fill something that wasn't there within myself. And so you know what they say when you pay, you pay attention.
Speaker 2:I feel like I had to pay that price so that I could learn the lessons I actually needed to learn yeah and also just sorry, and also just from hearing you speak, it's um, and for me, this is something I'm really passionate about. It's bringing in that sort of the, the higher chakras, that esoterics, that, that what I call, like the ethers, so what's in the energy, but bringing it grounded because we are human beings and we're here on planet earth. So you know, like, when people speak about the chakras, sometimes you know where a lot of people want to connect to the third eye. They want to connect to the crown chakra, because that's to that higher, higher energetics and connection to source. But also the root chakra is important and grounding that paying your bills, that respecting that you need money to, to to live like you are here on planet earth and that's that's what you need where you are, where you're at in this, in this, in this planet. So I think it's like bringing in the two, isn't it? And I think, sometimes, when you need where you are, where you're at in this planet, so I think it's like bringing in the two, isn't it? And I think sometimes, when you do, you hear people speak on socials and it can be definitely a voice of just one way.
Speaker 2:But it is important to bring in the two, isn't it? It's important. We live on this polarity planet, we've got the positive and the negative charge, we've got the ethers, we've got also the ground, we've got the earth, and we need it all Because, like you say, just trusting, oh, it'll be fine, it'll be all good. Yeah, I can always manifest money. I'm abundant, abundant, and that is true, and that's fact. If you believe it to be true, it's true. Grounding it, okay. Well then, you know your money can't necessarily just be under your mattress. You know it needs to be grounded in a bank, or it needs to be grounded in a savings or an investment and respected and trusted, because that also can bring in that abundance and flow as well, can't it?
Speaker 1:definitely yeah, and this piece about being rooted and being grounded is, yeah, it's huge. I remember, maybe about five months ago now, I I knew there was something big flowing through with my soul work and there's a friend who is a beautiful mentor and I was going to invest in coaching with her and it was like three and a half grand a month and, bearing in mind I, I wasn't in the position to invest. I felt this ego try and figure out a way to make it happen, a way to be resourced so that I could invest, you know, three and a half grand, 20 grand over six months, in this coach, so that I can create my coaching program. And she said to me Kim, like I know you and I love you, the best thing you can do is actually get rooted to rise.
Speaker 1:This is a pattern, and I saw within myself the pattern that I needed to break free from, which was constantly thinking I need to invest money for my business to grow, which, you know again, is a paradox, because, yes, it's good to invest in yourself and investing in your consciousness is the best thing you can do, but actually being rooted financially is the most important thing for me, because my energy is very high, I'm living the highest chakras, I'm an air sign, and I was like, oh wait, so you're saying that I should actually root and create solid foundations? And I was like, oh yeah, this is how I felt two years ago, before the rug got taken from my feet. I felt this rootedness, I felt stability, and I had that stability for 10 years, and so I was so confused as to why I then went into LAC and I was like, oh, now it's clear it's actually so important for me to have that consistent, stable income that I took for granted back then.
Speaker 1:I was like oh, there's nothing wrong with me, there's actually the structure. I wasn't supported by anything, anything. I wasn't supported by any structure. I was just like hoping clients would fall out of the sky. And it's great living in that unknown, like you said, some of the time, but consistently and constantly I think it can knock us about out of alignment with truth, because you know we need clients to pay the bills and actually I didn't have to think of any of that when I was earning that consistent money, you know yeah, and the thing is, when you build a solid foundation, you can go as high as you want.
Speaker 1:You know exactly and when we speak about kundalini.
Speaker 2:Kundalini energy it starts in the lower chakras. In the lower chakras, you know, you've got your creativity, you've got your root, which is like you're grounded in the day-to-day. You've got your sexual energy, the creative energy. You've also got that sense of self, sense of I, you know, sense of who you are, that leads, walks into a room and presents themselves. So when we don't have that, that strength of that lower chakras, then we can start then leaning into other people's sense of self. You know. So, again, through social media, like I mentioned earlier on on another chat, people's attention is the biggest commodity and people are fighting for your attention and for you to hear their narrative and their perspective. So then you can buy into them.
Speaker 2:But that might not work for you, that might work for them, but it might not be what's going to work for you, based on your imprints, based on what happened to you between zero and eight, that created these subconscious belief systems. You know all the things that we know to be, but when did you then? So you started to understand? There was patterns, but then did, was there something that you brought in that could help you use discernment? So you know, as we we speak about, it's not about just learning from a book or learning from what chat gpt says. It's actually going there, whether that's meditation, mantras, breath work, moving the body, whatever that is.
Speaker 2:What was it for you that enabled you to then start shifting from that energy of shame which you know? When you look at that scale of um, of frequencies of emotion, I think shame is literally um. I think shame and um and grief are like the lowest you can go. So obviously it's very uh, you know dark and difficult place to be. What was it that then you started to do that allowed you to go up the frequency of emotions, to even come to a place where you felt neutral or maybe even frustrated, because even that takes a bit of energy, doesn't it to be frustrated or to be angry, or what was, what was it that enabled you to start moving through that?
Speaker 1:kabbalah, yeah, kabbalah, the teaching of kabbalah, which is the backbone of all religions. It's not a religion, it is the secrets of the universe and spiritual law. And I remember when a friend introduced me to it, I felt this deep resonance in my soul and it was grounded, precise spirituality, and it resonated so much. And one of my teachers, david Geyam you know he's a huge voice of Kabbalah wow, he's like this is good, this is good. Whatever you're going through right now is sent from Creator to help you grow. And again, like I know all of this, like I've taught on this, but again the soul forgot. And then I just remembered. But I remembered in a deeper way, like I felt, like there was more room for my soul to remember and actually be, be okay.
Speaker 2:Because even then, like, your line of speaking is about thinking and someone said these words and then it made you think and it's very like in the head and obviously, if we're in the, in the, in that space, we can only go so far, can't we? So what was it that dropped you into, like you say, feeling, embodiment, sensation, shifting the energy, not from someone saying it's okay, this is normal, this happens. You know, not from the words, not from the knowledge, not from the wisdom, because, like you said, I knew all of this. You do know it, you know it in your mind because you've read probably a million books about it and podcasts and all of that. But what took you from knowing it and knowing that it's all good to then connecting to it, to feeling it, to then shifting and experiencing and embodying it, so that you're coming out of it from a frequency level rather than a knowledge level?
Speaker 1:I think it was this sense of permission and confirmation that this is a part of the spiritual journey. So the teachings then allowed me to reflect and it almost like activated my soul and from that place, like, oh yeah, this is actually good. And then it spiraled this process of well, wow, okay, wow, okay, well, why has this happened? And oh, it's happened because of this. And it really dug me deeper into my soul and the soul's journey and the deeper understanding of why I was but fully receiving and being in it and that acceptance just brought so much peace.
Speaker 2:So how did you get there, though? Was that through being, when you said it was through you know, connected through the soul, but when it was through the knowledge and the wisdom? Wisdom initially, but then did you? Was it about taking moments of silence? Was it about being in silence? Was it journaling? Was it sort of conversations with yourself, maybe the soul and the and the mind conversating like what was, what did that like, look like? Or was it that you change your, your environment, to give yourself space and you? You know, I know you moved back to the UK.
Speaker 2:obviously you're not in Bali at the moment, so, like what what was it, you know, once you knew the knowledge and the wisdom, and it was an external sort of like validation of yeah, I know this is what I'm supposed to go through. What happened then? Was it through quiet?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean there's, there's always been silence. Silence in my life and being out in nature, um, but I think when I used to go out in nature before, I was trying to get myself out of the situation, so it's not so much the external environment that changed, it was my internal perception of what was happening, um, like my, my internal compass around. Oh, actually, yeah, this is why it's happening. And so when I was in the silence and the meditation and being in nature, I stopped trying to think of the way out and just felt so much presence. So I started to be more present to life and not wanting to live anywhere else or be anywhere else, and that's been my whole life. You know, I've always what's happening tomorrow and where's the next thing.
Speaker 1:So the only option I had was to be present, because I couldn't use money as a distraction anymore. I couldn't then just go and, you know, pay money to go on a retreat or go somewhere else, and I feel like I use money as a way to take myself out of the present moment. This is actually I'm stripped bare, I'm living in Stoke-on-Trent and this is where I am right now, and from that place of presence and bliss and acceptance. So much magic started to unfold because I wasn't trying to be anywhere else, because I understood and I got the concept that this is actually good and it's happening for me. So I feel like I got out of the victim and I shifted into wow, this is such a beautiful experience to have right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah so it it sounds. It sounds to me, you know, and obviously from knowing you as well, and everything that you're saying is that it was just a life of continuously maybe going from one thing to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next coach, to the next offer to the next person who could make me the person I'm here to be and next thing, next thing, next thing could no longer do the next thing and you couldn't even do the thing like feed yourself, like the basics thing, and it was all stripped away.
Speaker 2:That's when you were almost like forced into that being present and being in now, because you couldn't plan what you were doing a month from now or the next thing you were launching, because it was about just and and obviously you know you, you said yourself very lucky, you've got beautiful family and friends that do support you and hold you and you are held now as well in Stoke and Trent. So you know, lucky to have that because we know on this call, not everybody even has has that person that can do that for them. Be completely then present and drop from the head again, from what I'm hearing you say, dropping from that head of like knowing and thought and this feels good. This is what's good for me to actually feeling it like letting it just drop, jump, like literally boom, but into the heart, into the gut, into the solar plexus, into that, into that feeling it. And that can be, like you say, through walking through nature, but you're not walking in nature and planning the next thing and planning the next move.
Speaker 2:But walking in nature and just yeah yeah, experiencing it all, taking the time to experience and experience human feelings yeah, we don't always give time for right, like it's very common now um I always think that's the biggest reason why so many people, when they go into bed, their mind goes crazy.
Speaker 2:They're thinking about all these different things just as they go to bed. It's because they've not given time throughout the day for themselves, you know, to have those moments and to be present and to bring that awareness to what's going on around them, and it just sounds like that's what you absolutely did yeah, and, and I know, looking at my gene keys, that being present is it's.
Speaker 1:It's it's part of my dharma, like learning to be present, and I talk about this everyone's and you know if we're, if we're creating this new earth where you know we're present and we're connecting with others. Like my experience was, I had to be stripped away of the distraction. There was so much power I was given to the illusion of my bank account and my identity that had to be removed so that I could step fully into my purpose of like being a leader of freedom. And freedom is an inner and outer job, right, but I was focused so much either on the outer or the inner, so the first half of my life was focused on financial freedom, external freedom was disconnected from self. Then, 28, I went on this journey of like who am I? I and you know how it goes, you know the dark nights of the soul and really going down the you know down that path of like, what is there outside of this life? And so then I cultivated this inner freedom from the place of being broke and I genuinely feel like, so free internally, like I've tapped into this place of abundance that I would not have been able to access if I had all of the resources in my bank account. And one of the greatest gifts that has emerged from this time has been my connection to God, to Creator, to all that is I feel. When I was stripped bare and I had nothing, I actually felt everything and I experienced this deep providership and cultivated this deep trust with the unknown. Because, you know, there was times when I felt like I was literally dying, like I was having a death, and that was my ego, and my ego was edging God out that's what ego stands for, ego and I was edging God out by outsourcing my worth and looking outside of myself. Still, and when those layers started to shed and I started to connect deeper with the truth that it's all an illusion and it does not define me, wow, like I can't even put into words how profound the connection is that I now have. And I'm not saying that everyone needs to go through that experience to have that connection, but it's what I needed to go through to shed those dense layers and reveal the truth of my soul in the highest frequency.
Speaker 1:And when I was living in Tulum, I met one of my dearest friends, nyasha, and this is this is her work, this is what this is what she does.
Speaker 1:She helps people to to shed the ego and blast the light and truth.
Speaker 1:And wherever there is darkness, it's just love and light and truth and trust, and like meeting her along my path was also a huge catalyst, like one of the greatest gifts, and, and so, when I look back over my journey, like everything was divine and the people that I met and the synchronicities were all perfect, it's like they were all lined up in divine order and divine timing.
Speaker 1:As we know, life is, and if I hadn't have done that ego work, I wouldn't have been able to receive the wisdom in the way that I have now and be ready to step into a new chapter with a new frequency, with a new, deeper connection to God and truth and trust, and that is priceless. And so now I'm in this place where I know I'm provided for, we're always provided for, no matter what happens or what amount of money is in the bank account which, by the way, money won't be here in like a few years time, like the fiat currency is dying and so I feel like I've been preparing to be a part of this next phase and lead this next phase, whilst also understanding that we live in the real world, and so having this external structure that holds the soul without being attached to any of them, I feel is the dance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure I also. You know, one thing I'm really passionate about is the power of the mind, and if we think and believe something, then it becomes our truth, our version of what's true, and then that's what we then create as our reality. I think it's for me, I think it's really important to send out the narrative that you don't need to go through this experience to understand it, because that's not what we want this podcast to be about. Everyone like ditch your money, ditch your clothes. You know, let go of everything, because I think it's. You know, whatever we believe to be true is, is, is the truth.
Speaker 2:And I do feel that people can have this experience, the experience of what it feels like to not feel attached to all these things, to go into trust, to go into intuition, to trust that you can let go of, like the big paying client, let's say, if it feels it doesn't feel good, if it doesn't feel true, if it's testing your boundaries and it's just not in alignment whatsoever, it's trusting that you can let those things go and know that something else will come in that's going to be bigger and better and more beautiful and just perfect, and it's going to feel aligned, it's going to feel juicy, sexy, it's going to feel great and we don't have to practice that whole really letting go of everything, but just letting go of the things that aren't in alignment, and it's. It's always lovely when maybe someone has gone through it so we can all learn and benefit from it.
Speaker 1:So we thank you for that, kim 100, 100, but we're not saying that this is what has to happen no, no, and this is why I'm here to to do the podcast, so that you can. You know, if you feel empathy as I'm sharing words. That's basically the same as you going through it, which is something that I've learned through kabbalah is you don't have to go through something, a bad experience to to shift things. You just show empathy and like almost feel the feelings of what that experience was like for me and it's the same as like having it um, and honestly, like I think for me that's some.
Speaker 2:When I'm working with someone, that's something I always ask you know, what's your why? Why do you want this? Why do you want to create this? What? How do you feel if you didn't have this, if this didn't happen? If, a year from now, you're in the exact same position, how would that make you feel? You know it's connecting to. It's not just connecting to the positive, it's connecting to the negative, and trusting and knowing that some people can actually be more inspired by the negative um, and that there's, you know, like I spoke before about the yin and the yang, there's positives within the negative, there's negatives in the positive isn't there? So it's. It's always the balance of the of the two, of the polarity, and not saying that it has to be one way or the other yeah, no, black and white, yeah.
Speaker 1:And again, we all have our individual purpose and I know I'm, I'm, I'm here to teach and I'm here to teach the taboo, and so I guess a part of my sole contract is there's a part of me that kind of wants to go through it and there's like a kinky piece that like actually loves feeling it and having that experience and that I can teach on it. So you don't have to.
Speaker 2:Yeah and, honestly, those people are the best. The people who teach and coach from experience are just the most powerful, because you can really relate to the person opposite you that might be going through something similar. Right, you know, you can't help someone who's gone through it if you've never been through it. If you're like, yeah, I'm all good, I've always had like a good, steady flow of income.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't know what you're talking about it allows you definitely to be this person who can just relate in so many ways to so many people. And I think money is such a big talking point. I don't know if you've probably noticed more of those conversations coming into your life now. Maybe maybe they weren't as prevalent before, but now I bet everyone's coming to speak to you about money and connection and with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess it's more about the labels and the conditioning that I feel excited to share with the world, as like it's just another label to break free from, the same as being broke. Like why is being broke or having that experience something to be shameful about? It's because we have grown up in a society. Why is being broke or having that experience something to be shameful about? It's because we have grown up in a society that pedestalizes people who have money. Like it's how we've measured worth and it's shifting. It's shifting and I feel like I get to be this voice and say listen, you are not broke, you've never been broke. You're just brave, your soul is brave to walk a path and actually break free.
Speaker 1:And I think if you have experience being broke or you are experiencing that, ask yourself what is your lesson like, what are you being asked to break free from? And I can tell you right now I feel so free, like I literally could have a billion dollars in my bank account right now. I would not feel any different. There is no one else, I'd rather be, nowhere else, I'd rather be, and that, to me, is freedom. And that is how abundance truly flows and it gets to be distributed and we get to be channels of wealth when it's not this grip of something we need to validate our worth yeah, beautiful, freedom from the pattern, and it's, it's freedom, isn't it?
Speaker 2:from what you, what you just said, freedom from all of that, freedom from the, the society, the conditioning. When you're free from all that, you're free, regardless, regardless, you're free, and that's a beautiful thing, isn't it? To just be able to live from that place.
Speaker 2:So just to sort of like come and sort of wrap this up a little bit. I'd love to hear, like what would you be your, your tips? I know that sounds quite reductive, but like your takeaways, your tips, you're like this is what I would maybe do differently. I know you said you wouldn't because you're grateful for that and you, you're happy to have gone through what you've gone through, but is there anything that you would say this is the big learning or this is the, this is the game changer, that this is it?
Speaker 1:yeah, acceptance, yeah, I created like a bit of a framework to. You know, virgo moon, I love creating structure. Um, I was like, right, if I was to give someone advice on, you know, if they're feeling shame around being broke or having an experience, this is what I would say just fully accept where you are, trust that every single experience was good and it was from creator. And how can you appreciate it? You know, when I came back to the uk, I went from avoiding taxes, car park fines, all of the debts that had piled up, and I started to appreciate them and I started to thank them and I was like wow, wow, like these structures, although you know they're not necessarily where the world is going, they've got us to where we are. And I found so much appreciation and I did a post about.
Speaker 1:You know, we don't change the systems by escaping them. We change them by leaning in and transcending and appreciating and like seeing them for what it is. And I feel like my souls came back to the UK to lean into the real world, to bring the light, to bring the consciousness. Because, you know, living in bali, living my best life, I mean, yeah, I'm helping people, but actually let me go talk to my neighbor who lives next door. Let me go and connect with john around the corner that I've never met in 40 years of living here because I didn't think he was cool enough to be a friend like. Let me go and chat with people and be in the world. Wow, that's such such a beautiful experience of life and I feel like I'm now.
Speaker 1:I I've now have the access to the presence and the confidence in being present and I know you're a huge fan of this with your work is slowing down to listen, and I feel like when you appreciate and you're certain that where you are is good, you can be present to listen because you're not trying to be somewhere else, and from that place of absolute certainty the answers are revealed. And you know I'm talking to you today as someone who's I wouldn't call myself necessarily well, but never call myself broke, because we're not broke, it's just a label. But you know I'm in a place where I'm rebuilding and I'm also feeling so so much magic and miracles with what is coming to me and unfolding for me. I know everything that is aligning is for the highest good. It's not coming from me trying to manipulate or get somewhere. It's genuinely soul aligned opportunities that I know are able to align my soul to where it needs to be I don't know if that makes sense, but 100.
Speaker 2:100%, I like sort of reduced it. I feel like the first step was just acknowledge Acknowledge what's going on no burying your head in the sand, business. Acknowledge the bills, the money or whatever it is that you're going through, shift the belief of what that means and begin to appreciate seeing the positive within the negative, because there is that little dot in that shape of the yin yang, finding that positive, that white in the black or the black in the white. And then listen, listen to the big plan that was always meant for you. That is there for you. If you listen like you, big, the big plan that was always meant for you, that is, that is there for you. If you listen, like you said, if you, if you tune into that, that just sounds like what, what you, what you did and what you're doing.
Speaker 2:And those are like those, sound like small steps. That are huge steps, aren't they? They're big steps to take. Even that acknowledgement, that can take months. It can take years, can't it Just to even get to? That take months. It can take years, can't it just to even get to?
Speaker 1:that. Do that one step, yeah, yeah, yeah, being brave enough to walk a different path. And I always say, if I can be in stoke-on-trent and england and have these breakthroughs, I can be anywhere in the world, and I know that's why my soul, my soul, is here like I've. I've not had any desires to be anywhere else but here, because I know that I'm forced to go in. There's no other way out than in, you know. So it's been the most valuable experience that it's been. It's been more valuable than all my coaching courses combined together, because I've broke free and if that is the most liberating feeling, beautiful.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, kim, for sharing all of all of it. You really have. You've shared all of it, and that's not always easy and sometimes we don't even know what even happened or how it happened. Like even the fact that you've you've got to that place, you processed all of that is just is magical, and and I know I'm sure so many people will receive so much just from hearing you speak about this topic, because it's not often talked about.
Speaker 2:Like you said right at the very beginning, it's we know we learn how people went from zero to six figures, but what about when it goes the other way? And I think you should be so proud of yourself and proud is like a funny word, but I hope you really are and, like you say, you consider yourself brave and I think that's beautiful, brave and courageous and extremely present. So thank you for letting me take over your podcast and interview you. I hope you enjoyed being in the hot seat, being on the other side. Um, like I said, I know so many people got so much from this and we love you dearly and continue doing what you do and bringing bringing the work and bringing the energy to the people, because it is needed, it is received and it is appreciated I love you.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you, my friend. Yeah, we're going to release Melanie's episode in a couple of weeks time, so, yeah, be excited for this one. Thank you so much, melanie Dean. I love you so much.