Sick Burns!: An 80's Podcast
Sick Burns!: An 80's Podcast
The Aphrodisiac of Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc
Tone Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina” went to #3 in the U.S. in 1989, written by Young MC and inspired by a Flavor Flav catchphrase. Whether it’s a love potion, an aphrodisiac or a date rape drug is left in part to the listener to decipher. One thing is for sure, too much of it can lead to a nasty case of transphobia. We take a look at some popular and effective aphrodisiacs in this hard-hitting episode of Sick Burns!
Check out the video.
Recommendations:
Check out humorist Samantha Irby’s “Wow, No Thank You”
Check out Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You on HBO
If you haven’t seen Fleabag, it’s time to catch up
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Welcome to Sick burns, where to Gen X friends of corporate PR pro and a college English professor delivered choice critique on 80 songs. I'm Margaret. And I'm Elizabeth. Let's get into it today. Hi, how are you doing today?
Elizabeth :I'm good.
Margaret :You look adorable.
Elizabeth :Hi, thanks. I feel like a little like a peasant, an adorable peasant. Maybe I'm carrying a pail of milk and some turnips.
Margaret :Yes, you look like an old timey Pioneer Girl or like a floppy headed French milkmaid with that towel over your head. I do believe it has improved your acoustics vastly.
Elizabeth :Oh, well, then it's totally worth it worth it.
Margaret :I wonder if it's sustainable. You'll be able to keep that towel folded over your head for this test.
Elizabeth :I will. I'm going to try my goal. As a peasant, I'm used to enduring some degree of hardship and towel over the head is not the least of it?
Margaret :Oh, I love it.
Elizabeth :Did you know that one of the things I do when I can't fall asleep is I try to picture what my life would be like in different eras and parts of the world.
Margaret :So like, what are some of the scenarios Tell me about these fantasies?
Elizabeth :Well, they're very boring. That's the point of them so I can fall asleep, you know, because oh, you're thinking monotonous things. I'm just trying to picture everyday life. Yeah, you know, like, if I lived in a fishing village in Japan in the 14th century, you know, that would probably just involve washing dishes, maybe weaving some cloth and but just kind of walking around near the fish. It's very soothing.
Margaret :I thought you were gonna say there's those women is it Japan or Korea that they dive? Oh, like, like deep sea diving for seafood or pearls, urchins and what not.
Elizabeth :I'm trying not to picture anything exciting. I'm trying to just picture like everyday life,
Margaret :...just gutting fish for 12 straight hours throwing them in some salt or something.
Elizabeth :Yeah. Oh yeah.
Margaret :Sounds good. I do figure skating and uneven bars when I can't fall asleep.
Elizabeth :You just imagine yourself doing that.
Margaret :Well, not myself. I guess I imagined watching it like I do. I'll do an uneven bar routine in my head. I'll like design it, just watch him go around. It soothing just around and around and around and around. Never done it yourself. I mean, I took gymnastics when I was a little kid. So I've played on a bit, but I would never like I've never been able to do a routine, but I like watching gymnastics. Hmm. And maybe I'll switch it up to the historical fiction, though.
Elizabeth :Well, whatever. But the problem with the historical fiction is I'm usually imagining that I would have been raped or that I would be a witch, an outcast witch. And um, you know, I mean, If you're now cast, which and they ignore you, it's not that big a deal. And so then I picture like if I'm in, say, the 13th century or something, and I'm out cast, which First of all, my personal hygiene would look very different. And then I just picture like eating, I'd be gathering a lot of root vegetables, right? And also and then maybe salting a lot of meat, like I imagine, like trying to preserve a lot of food.
Margaret :I spend a lot of time because I live in Ohio, where many, many American Indian tribes lived before we decimated them all or kick them out through them and Oklahoma. I like to think about the prehistoric the ancient peoples that lived here. I can never stop thinking about the bugs. How did they handle mosquitoes on apps and everything? Yes, I'll be right now have at least 20 bug bites on them a piece, but that's partially because it's not on the rest of my body because I'm wearing pants every day. I can't wear shorts, like the bugs are so bad and just think people lived not in shelter. They lived outdoors, I suppose in in some shelter, but there's bugs everywhere. It's like non stop camping. And I just think the misery of that kind of before did where you just could never get away from them. And then winter comes in you're like yes. Or no bugs but also no food, right? Bang quandary? Yes. Well, first of all, I am completely just making this up out of my liberal biases. But I think that there's more bugs now. I feel like the ecology has changed so much because of human development, that it's just a different scenario. I could be totally wrong. I mean, I suppose there was like more diverse birds and things like that, that would have eaten more of the insects. So there's certainly fewer birds now than there have been in historically like oh,
Elizabeth :Fewer birds, right? So that could be one thing and there's fewer like giant ground sloths for them to bite so they have to look for me to giant ground sloths live in Ohio. They did. And I tell you, I am obsessed with giant ground sloths. Oh my god, I totally get it.
Margaret :They are I unlike... I've really developed a thing for them. When I realized that they they weren't here not that long ago and their bones are everywhere.
Elizabeth :Yeah.
Margaret :And they were huge. They were like the size of bears. Yeah, he's they're not the little slohts we have today. They are
Elizabeth :Yeah, they are.
Margaret :You know, I don't know, like 15 feet tall. They're two giant teeth and they're little slothy toes. They're super cool. And I realized that movie Ice Age. JOHN Leguizamo is playing a giant ground sloths. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And but he's a little smaller. Like they're, they're big. If you go to the Ohio historical center in Columbus, there's like tons of skeletons that they've unearthed and I Have this dream of petitioning my town to put a statue of a giant ground sloth in one of our parks. I saw one of these when I went to the libreria tarpit Museum in LA last year like a preserved one. You mean? Nowhere they have like they have a statue. Oh, I hope you achieve your game. I've got to figure it out. I get a Leslie Knope. That stuff. Yeah, figure out how to make it happen. It's going to be my pit. Not like a bad thing. But like Leslie had the pit that she Oh, yeah, the pit. Right. Like what you just told me? It was exciting for you Why? Yeah. I wonder what other people think about when they fall asleep listeners. Leave us a voicemail on our website and tell us what you think about when you fall asleep. If it's appropriate for families. Yeah, please do well, it should be if it's meant to make you fall asleep. I've seen some fossilized ground sloths poop. I just wanted to add to that conversation. We're at the Royal Ontario.
Elizabeth :Museum in Toronto, which is like, you know, one of these incredible like old timey museums that covers like all of human and natural history and one in just four rooms. Yeah. I remember going with my son, and he was impressed because it was poop aintree's.
Margaret :That's so cool. Exactly. I'd be impressed by it.
Elizabeth :I brought a couple corrections corners to tell you about that. I'm really excited to tell you about. Oh, yeah, I love having any that you want to share. You rec have recommended some things to watch or listen to or read over the weeks and I kind of obey you. Okay, is it a new one new recommendation? Yeah, totally weighed on me. Okay, so one is a book of hilarious essays by Samantha Irby. Have you heard of her? I have not IRBY is her last name? She has three or four books. This one is her latest one and it's called "Wow,No, thank you." As you know, I was sick for about a week and that was like the only thing I could do. And it was like, awesome, and it's there it is. It's laugh out loud funny. I'm gonna check it out. I love like most people, I think love David Sedaris is hilarious. So yes, I would who would you say she is akin to in terms of hilarious essays? You know, I, David Sedaris might actually be a kind of a good comparison because as a woman, I think she's a little more self deprecating. I think a lot of women humorous find more humor in that than men do. However, David Sedaris, I think is self deprecating, too. There's like some memoir level essays, you know, looking back at her teenage and young adulthood and so forth, and also just like commentary on her everyday life, you might actually compare her to David Sedaris. I didn't think of that effect. What other essays there's like Dave Berry, you know, that's like old he's funny, old fashioned, you know, Erma bombeck.
Margaret :The pride of Dayton, Ohio.
Elizabeth :Yeah, who else is a humorous essayist? I don't know if that's a thing anymore. I I
Margaret :you should bring the form back.
Elizabeth :Good. Yeah. antha and David some company and write yourself some hilarious essays. Yeah. Well, she's a very different I won't spoil anything. She's a very different person than David Sedaris in several counts, and she's very she's much raunchier, I will say, and more about the body
Margaret :that reminds me of, Oh, she wrote and produced girls and her name is
Elizabeth :Lena Dunham,
Margaret :Lena Dunham. There's a hilarious essayist. Not all her essays are hilarious, but Oh, some are.
Elizabeth :Yeah, okay. That's good to know. Um, there's, that's interesting. There's a little I, we just also started watching, I recommend this too. It's on HBO called I May Destroy You. And it's real good and it's British. And the woman who stars in it is also the creator. it and I guess she's like, a little bit of a wunderkind like Lena Dunham was you know, like a young woman who has like creative control, and she made it a star for herself. And also it's a little like Fleabag Did you watch that? Yes. Yeah. I mean, yeah I inhaled that. Oh, yeah. Oh my god totally. And so I don't know, I guess there's like a little genre of the woman being like the star of the show and being like, sort of reflective. Yes, Samantha Irby is older than those women but she and she has some hilarious stuff about pitching one of her books, too, to be a television show. She's Black and also like part of her sort of identity and jokes and or things or maybe not jokes, but are is about being fat. And so she like goes and pitches to HBO because insecure is another show that like this, right? So super good. She goes How about that? Like it's like a fat insecure and they're like no pass
Margaret :Maybe work on that pitch a little?
Elizabeth :But so she's that's like an example of some of the self deprecation really funny
Margaret :I think I'd watch it though. Totally. I will check that out. I figured something out this week that I'm very excited to tell you about it fits in corrections corner.
Elizabeth :Okay, what Okay,
Margaret :corrections corner do do. Do you remember how we had a conversation about Prince's U Got the Look? And what was it that he said, I don't remember what we were talking about. But you saying a little bit of it. And the part of the part where he says, "Well, here we are. Ladies and gentlemen, the dream we all dream of boy versus girl and the World Series of love."
Elizabeth :"One of us!"
Margaret :Right and we were... we couldn't understand what he was saying
Elizabeth :Yeah,
Margaret :Yeah, I went and looked it up.
Elizabeth :Oh great. Perfect.
Margaret :He says "slammin!"
Elizabeth :Not slammin.
Margaret :Slammin. I'm gonna play a clip right here.
Elizabeth :Yeah.
Sick Burns! :The dream we all dream of, boy versus girl in the World Series of love. Slammin!
Margaret :I went looked the video up you can see his mouth move. Right does, slammin
Elizabeth :but do you agree it sounds like "one of us"
Margaret :I totally agree with you.
Elizabeth :Oh good okay
Margaret :yes I fully agree with you. I looked up the lyrics to this song. This is not the song we're covering in today's episode but the the wood you know I'm surprised. That's right. The lyric To this song are so good. And I don't know how we don't say these things and regular like these could have all been catchphrases. I just sing phonetically along when the song comes on, I don't know what the heck he's saying. She says, You've got the look. You've got the hook. You've sho nuff do be cookin in my book. Sho Nuff Do Be Cookin! That's not in my totally ...your face is jammin, your body's hecka slammin.
Elizabeth :Hecka slammin, yeah. i.e. H-O-T hot.
Margaret :Yeah. Why don't we all say hecka slammin?
Elizabeth :that's the first word. Yeah, it's really good.
Margaret :And then he ends it "If love is good, let's get to rammin'". Which... Okay,
Elizabeth :yeah.
Margaret :Yeah, maybe not as romantic as I'd like. But hecka slamming is so fun. Yeah. I was so pleased to finally know that he was saying slamming.
Elizabeth :Yeah, no, I appreciate that.
Margaret :And then I went down a rabbit hole based on something We talked about in the last episode money for nothing. We were talking about Woodstock and as you reminded me that Sha Na Na performed at Woodstock. Uh huh. So I was like, I think I need to watch some Sha Na Na because we had that whole nice discussion about the variety shows of the 70s and 80s. And Sha Na Na were a big one that we liked. So I looked up the Wikipedia page. They went to Woodstock because they were friends with Jimi Hendrix.
Elizabeth :It gets like, more and more distant.
Margaret :Sha Na Na was friends with Jimi Hendrix Oh, and they used to open in New York a clubs like the Fillmore they open for bands like The Grateful Dead and The Kinks.
Elizabeth :Crazy Crazy.
Margaret :Okay, and they had this like greaser street persona, New York street culture kind of thing. I remember that. Yeah, they were I share this because I think it's necessary knowledge if you're going to listen to this podcast is like an oeuvre you need to understand, because we talked about the 50s nostalgia a lot that popped up in the 80s. Yes, yes. No, no, no was one of the ways that that got ignited. Oh, they were like late 80s bringing back the 50s thing, so we can thank them for some of that. The other little interesting detail that I found that is so weird is that Sha Na Na I was founded by this guy named Robert Leonard, who founded the band when he was a graduate student at Columbia. Now he like kind of dropped out, I think before they had their syndicated TV show and stuff because he finished his PhD. He's got a doctorate in linguistics. Uh huh. from Columbia, teaches at Hofstra. Now, he was an expert witness in the JonBenet Ramsey case. What in linguistics in linguistics? Yeah, he. What was a thing is what was a linguistic testified that the ransom note that this guy John Mark Carr had falsely confessed to the murder. He testified that John Mark Carr did not write the ransom note. A linguistics expert. Um, he is featured in Rolling Stones feature the top 10 smartest musicians. Why are Why is this the person I can sit next to on an airplane who needs to tell me their life story? Because if you were like, well, I've done a couple of things in my life. I was at star, you know, expert witness in the JonBenet Ramsey case and also I founded the band Sha Na Na, like: "coming home with you, sir. You're never gonna get rid of me now. You might be the most interesting person I've ever met." Yeah, right. Yeah, I want to know that guy. One final detail. The drummer for Sha Na Na is a guy named Jocko Marcelino. Okay. His younger sister is the famous cheese nun. No, I don't know her. Her name is Mother noela March Marcelino, she's a Benedictine nun. They're from Massachusetts. She has a doctorate in microbiology. She concentrates on the positive effects of decay and putrefaction as and the odors and flavors of cheese was the subject of a PBS documentary called the Cheese Nun.
Elizabeth :Uh, and she's sad again the younger sister of the drummer's...
Margaret :sister. Yeah, Sha Na Na's drummer sister. Yeah, what kind of weird creative crucible created this band? Right? Because everybody around them is so interesting this bear whose main like character Bowser was famous for opening his mouth real wide.
Elizabeth :Yeah, right. It's just
Margaret :about that that he just did that, too. Yeah, I totally forgot. I don't know what what is that? Oh, it is a mugging. Right anyway. Follow up. So not so much a correction as it is follow up corner.
Elizabeth :Yeah, no, that's awesome. My main recent association with Sha Na Na was from a episode of Comedy Bang Bang, which is a podcast I listened to fairly faithfully, Scott Aukerman. They had someone on who's like character had been trying to get Sha Na Na into the Rock and Roll Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Hmm. And this is all improv obviously. And their latest trick was one
Margaret :that was a joke? I'm sorry. Yes. Okay, that's
Elizabeth :hard. Yeah, cuz it's like an invented character. Okay, but their latest trick was replacing one by one. All the members of the Doobie Brothers with all the members of Sha Na Na because that because I guess they're the similarly sized, you know, you could do and no one will notice at what point did they stop being the Doobie Brothers? Right people love talking about Sha Na Na probably because of all this like kind of weird, surreal, the 50s in this in the well, gosh, if they were at Woodstock would be the 50s in the 60s and the 70s and the 80s.
Margaret :Do people like talking about Sha Na Na or is it just us and Scott Auckerman?
Elizabeth :Yeah, right. I think that we have our fingers on the pulse of what the people want and do.
Margaret :This is so of the moment. Yes. Analysis.
Elizabeth :Yeah. And they're so random and people are so nostalgic for it and
Margaret :They do make a great punch line. 50 years later, still hilarious.
Elizabeth :Yeah. Speaking of Woodstock, I just heard that, um, Creedence Clearwater Revival was put at a 3am timeslot at Woodstock.Who does that?
Margaret :What time did Sha Na Na go on?
Elizabeth :I know, but they didn't get 9pm 8am CCR got graveyard shift How are they friends with Jimi Hendrix? where they he's from Seattle, right?
Margaret :Yeah, I don't I don't know. There is no Wikipedia article on that. Hmm. But I mean, you know, maybe they met at clubs and stuff. And there's some West Coast connection there too, with one of them; Sha Na Na has like 15 guys In it right? Well and a lot of their shows are on YouTube. You can check them out. I had. I had.
Elizabeth :Oh, really and that out Yeah, I definitely I'm gonna do that
Margaret :Their variety show they've got a real good one with Ronnie Spector. Oh my god. Mm hmm. I loved their fur. I mean, that's my main way of knowing Shannon us from the variety from that show. Yeah, I watched one with Chuck Berry. And there's one with Ronnie Spector. Watch them and you're like, bro, like, middle aged like they're bald? Yeah, they're overweight. Why? I can't understand that. How are they? Hmm. Like the stars have to you look at the stars of today and you've got like Zac Efron ripped. The key people say he's got a dad bod. And he looks like No dad I've ever met. Yeah. And then you look at Shanana in 1978. And you're like that? dadbod
Elizabeth :Yeah, because they probably all smoked. You know, I mean, there was everyone in the city. This was like skinny fat. You know what I mean? Like are Yes. out of shape and soft, but like not as heavy as people have gotten today? Yeah, but they definitely smoked, I'm sure. Right. Did they smoke on the show and everything?
Margaret :I don't know. I don't remember when I didn't see any of it in the YouTubing that I did.
Elizabeth :Is it comedy and musical sketches?
Margaret :Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They sang a little backup for Ronnie Spector. They had a whole get a bit where they didn't know who Chuck Berry was. They were like, Oh, yeah, you sing blueberry Hill. And he's like, that's that's Fats domino.
Elizabeth :Huh?
Margaret :Yeah. High comedy.
Elizabeth :Maybe they thought cuz his last name is berry blueberry Hill.
Margaret :Oh, maybe that was the mental connection. Or some writer just terrible dumb roses yet? Oh, you're also there's like four of you. Which one? Are you?
Elizabeth :Not the gay one. Anyway, let's take a break. And then we'll come back and talk about the song I brought for you today. Okay?
Margaret :Hi, I'm Kelly LeBrock. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. My podcast queue used to be a joke, dry split ends boring shows. Then I discovered Sick burns. Sick Burns has this pro vitamin formula that actually strengthens your podcast cue from the inside. It's incredible. Even with everything I put my phone through. It looks so healthy, strong, shiny. Listen, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen probably only if you rate and review the show on iTunes.
Sick Burns! :Sick burns: serious care for beautiful podcast players.
Elizabeth :So I bought kind of an interesting song today to talk to you about Margaret.
Margaret :Yeah, what is it?
Elizabeth :Well, it's funky cold Medina by Tone Loc.
Margaret :Woo! Love this jam. (clip)
Sick Burns! :Cold coolin at a bar and I'm looking for some action like Mick Jagger said I can't get no satisfaction the girls all around what none of them want to get with me. But threads are fresh, I'm looking def Yo what up with L-O-C. The girls were all jockin at the other and then a bar Have a drink with some no name chump when they know that I'm a star So I kind of strolled over to the other side of the cantina. I asked the guy Why are you so fly? He said funky cold Medina
Elizabeth :There's a couple of little bits of trivia maybe to tell you about it, but this might be one of the times that we dive a bit more into the lyrics. Mm hmm.
Margaret :It's So I'm not sure that they hope they might they very well may not hold up very well. And also, if they're related to a maybe slightly bigger topic to talk a couple of slightly bigger topics, but the little bit of trivia I have to tell you this was a hit in 1989. And it was written by young MC of Bust a Move fame, and also a couple of people named Matt Dyck and Michael Ross, who went on to found Delicious Vinyl records. It was an independent record label. Also, you may recall Tone Loc's distinctive growly voice very low and that is, according to legend, he drank boiling tea as a child and scalded and scarred his throat, which left him with that voice. I know horrifying. Oh no. How could tea do that to someone?
Elizabeth :I guess if it's hot enough.
Margaret :Doesn't your mouth stop you from swallowing before? Yeah. Oh, no. I know. It's sad to consider Now, I've never known it to be anything but soothing and gentle and wonderful.
Elizabeth :Also, he always wears sunglasses. That's kind of like his bit of a signature look, including obviously when he's inside doing shows and so apparently Tone Loc suffers from seizures. And so the sunglasses are one way to help prevent having seizures from lights shining in his face and stuff. Oh, yeah. But he's apparently collapsed a few times on stage and it's been from seizures
Margaret :Are you know, are you introducing sympathy early here for...
Elizabeth :people are complicated. Okay, so I'm just let I'm just giving some trivia. You know, I don't know that he, he, he himself. I mean, those are sympathetic things.
Margaret :But these aren't narrative devices to get us to be on his side before you about the song?
Elizabeth :Not necessarily but I'm also not I don't know that he is a bad guy either. Like I think he had a big hits and you goes on these tours of like 80s and 90s musicians that kind of tried to appeal to middle aged people or the sound cares
Margaret :not at all like this podcast right?
Elizabeth :Totally different so I'm not sure he's had like the happiest life in the world I guess it still does sound like I'm trying to call but I'm not sure he's had the saddest life either. So apparently the phrase cold Medina is first heard when it's uttered by Flavor Flav on some song on It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back the Public Enemy the wild hit, I guess it was taken to be like an affirmation like a good thing: "a cold Medina", but then the Beastie Boys who have a song that's related to Funky Cold Medina thematically kind of adopted the phrase and then there was like a, you know, Tone Loc , or I guess in this case, young MC kind of caught on to the idea of using the phrase in a song and that was what became funky cold Medina
Margaret :because he got inspired by the Beastie Boys' Brass Monkey?
Elizabeth :no I think it was because he got inspired by the use of the term cold Medina okay and there was an and brass monkey was one of the songs that there was just maybe in the culture or milieu the idea of a liquor drink that was magical in some ways which was really just apparently the brass monkey was just like rum and vodka and orange juice and cold Medina there funky cold Medina and there was like a lot of cocktails invented that were ended up being called that upon the occasion of the song success, but it didn't have like a certain recipe, although I guess also there were some rumors like it could have been malt liquor and orange juice. They all involved orange juice, but in any case, like it had a rhythm to it. And so that's, I think, why it got worked into a song. Yeah, so it's supposed to be I don't even know how to read the song because I think it's supposed to be an aphrodisiac, but it seems like a date rape drug and I'm not 100% sure Those things have been different over the course of time.
Margaret :Right. Is there a difference? Can you define them for me please?
Elizabeth :And so the beginning of the song, frankly those the speaker the singer Tone Loc sounds like I mean now so much time has passed and so many things have happened so that I can say the word incel is what he sounds like some dude that like women don't pay attention to and involuntarily celibate. Mm hmm. In a really really really fun way. I'll just blandly recite the lyrics cold cool and at a bar and I'm looking for some action but like Mick Jagger said, I can't get no satisfaction. The girls are all around but none of them want to get with me. My threads are fresh and I'm looking deaf. Yo, what's up with L OC, as in Loc. The girls is all jacking at the other end of the bar having drinks with some no name chump when they know that I'm the star. So I get up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina. I asked the guy Why are you so fly and he said funky cold Medina. And I'm like, Huh, so that paints a fairly gross picture of a resentful dude who thinks he looks hot and can't make a goddamn conversation with somebody
Margaret :He cannot understand why people aren't throwing themselves at him.
Elizabeth :Yes, right not not a good look. No. And then the guy goes on to say that so the song goes on this brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks put a little Medina in your glass and the girls will come real quick. It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac. A couple of sips of this love potion and she'll be on your lap. I feel that those lyrics make it unclear whether the woman or the man is drinking but he
Margaret :But he said put a little Medina in *your* cup. Yes your
Elizabeth :Yes. cup.
Margaret :So he he is not spiking their drink. Will there be a discussion about the video at any point here?
Elizabeth :Unfortunately there will not be
Margaret :okay cuz I remember in the video that the women have these like cups that have like dry ice in them clearly the women have these cups that are like smoke smoky like powstanie but the lyric say put it in your cup like it's going to be transformative and make you more appealing. Well he
Elizabeth :does I think that you're right because he goes on to give some to his dog right and so
Margaret :that's okay so okay anyway continue with where you were with your the prosecution all train here?
Elizabeth :Yes. So the lyrics go on. I gave some to my dog when he began to bag then he left his bowl and looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg. call back to his previous hit wild thing. Mm hmm. He used to scratch and bite me before he was much much meaner. But now all the poodles run to my house for the funky cold Medina and then you make some more calls
Margaret :And this was like, a hit?
Elizabeth :was a hit any pot talks about all the dogs coming including spuds Mackenzie and Alex from stroz I love how young MC Are you don't look or whoever was like, This is the end of time no one will ever not know who spuds Mackenzie is. We will definitely put it in this work of art that we are creating through the ages, and everyone will always know. Henceforth who spuds Mackenzie is
Margaret :some famous Irish basketball player? Sorry Scottish basketball, right? Oh my god. So we Alex from Stroh's was that the Stroh's party dog in answer to Budweiser is a marketing ploy of Spuds Mackenzie Yeah, partying Pitbull. Yes. Oh boy. I know.
Elizabeth :So then. Okay, so this is a dude who can't come up. With it who thinks he's so hot but can't make a fucking conversation at the bar and then so but he goes home and drugs his dog and all of a sudden has all these dogs who want to come hump each other at his house.
Margaret :Like least his dog is doing great. The scene.
Elizabeth :Yeah. So then the sound goes on. They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina pal. Okay, so then he says, I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena. I thought she'd be good to go with a little funky cold Medina. She said, I'd like a drink. I said, Okay, I'll go get it. Then a couple sips. She cold licked her lips and I knew that she was with it. So I took her to my crib and everything went well as planned. But when she got undressed It was a big ol mess. Sheena was a man, so I threw him out. I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer weiner. Oh my god. You must be sure that the girl is pure for the funky cold Medina. Oh my god. Hey, On. So I just want to say if you are expecting a pussy and you find a deck that would involve some degree of disappointment.
Margaret :It's like when you think you're gonna drink orange juice yet it's lemonade. Yeah. And you're like, Whoa, I like them both, but I didn't know what I, I my brain thought one thing was going to happen. And then
Elizabeth :yes, that happened to me all the time in grade school because I had a thermos that you could not see through. And I became like a little game to myself, like, Is it going to be iced tea? Is it going to be milk? Is it going to be orange juice? How do you get your like mouth ready to drink whatever's
Margaret :mystery juice?
Elizabeth :Yeah, exactly. And so, so I just saw I just oranger Sure. So
Margaret :yeah, we also recognize a sip. Not everybody loves a surprise. Yeah. That said, that said,
Elizabeth :I mean, in today's context, obviously, it's a very transphobic bit of scenario there, too.
Margaret :He also says ain't no plans with a man.
Elizabeth :Yes, yes. And so homophobic too once again though I mean no matter what, whether you're gay or straight or whatever, if you're planning one thing and you get another that's the only thing I can so to say.
Margaret :I think we can all cede that point. But come on, like First of all, you threw her out. That's not nice. Yeah, maybe it's this like, angry rough approach you're bringing to your interactions that are part of the reason that nobody's talking to you at the bar, no matter how fresh or fly you look. Yeah, totally. How about you get right with yourself Tone?
Elizabeth :Yeah. And he's not respecting her because he then reverts to using male pronouns with her. Right, but I have another suggestion for him getting right with himself because he calls Sheena's penis. I quote Oscar Meyer Wiener. And so if that's how he thinks of his own body, if that's what he thinks of penises, And sex like maybe that's also related to him not getting any action because it's all just like
Margaret :I think he wasn't loved as a child. That's gonna be my diagnosis here. There's a fair bit of self loathing. Yeah, I think your analysis is spot on. Yeah, I also have a hard time like I'm given my job. I can't help but think about the poor people in the PR department and Oscar Meyer when the song came out. Who were like do you have to bring our product into this, sir.
Elizabeth :Interesting. Maybe they liked it though. Because like no such thing as bad publicity type.
Margaret :Do you think that the sales for Oscar Meyer wieners went up after this song? I would love to know listeners If you or someone you love has ever worked at Oscar Meyer, specifically in 1989. Can you tell us how this song was viewed?
Elizabeth :There's something about like going home. Like a straight man going home with a trans person. who they believe does not have a penis and being surprised by a penis that seems very like mid 20th century to me like, like sailors. I don't know why I like sailors on leave, you know, and then there being like a whole bunch of different gender and sex prostitutes and you know, and so I feel like it happens with, like a high traffic area have a lot of anonymous sex and that's why a picture of being like sailors, and so that's why I picture being like mid 20th century,
Margaret :but to the best of our knowledge. Tone Loc is not a seaman, right?
Elizabeth :He's not a seaman. And I don't know that young MC is either I mean, we are indicting tone loc here, but let's not forget that Tone Loc did not Yes.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, good. Yeah, good point.
Elizabeth :So, in any case, that verse seems almost welcome. There was Lola by the kinks. And that but that was from the 70s, I believe. Mm hmm. And that was at least so friendlier. So there's a way you know, because they were that the speaker in that song ends up loving Lola got
Margaret :on board. Yeah,
Elizabeth :totally. And so this one seems even more like 50-ish or something like that, like, even less, even more retro grade. I don't know.
Margaret :I suppose so. But I don't look I feel a little out of my depth to begin talking about misogyny in hip hop. But it is thematic across the genre.
Elizabeth :Fair enough, and rock and roll. Let's not forget Yeah, for sure. Yep.
Margaret :Yeah, absolutely. And so I don't know what to make of it. I wish that they could remaster this song and add a third verse that wasn't so terribly transphobic. Also, I recall in the video, Sheena, was like in a burqa or something like totally covered except for the bit of the face. Then like there's a shot where his literally throwing her out the door she's like landing You know the old the old heave ho like out the front door shot. The songs got problem enough even without that verse But right
Elizabeth :and now it keeps going on because there's yet another verse. So back in the saddle looking for a little affection I took a shot as a contestant on the love connection. The audience voted and they picked a winner. I took my day to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner she had a few drinks I'm thinking soon what I'll be getting instead she started talking about plans for our wedding because she because that's all women want is to trap men into wedlock. I said wait slow down love not so fast. says I'll be senior that's why I found you don't play around with the funky cold Medina because then the women are gonna want to marry you.
Margaret :So he what he's saying is he's really looking for a nice in between Where he can have as much sex as he wants, he can get the women easily, and he can get what he wants without the annoying requirement of, of a commitment of any sort. And he needs He's like, and I'm going to be quite specific about who I'm looking for. It's not Sheena. Right, so I think that again, I'm gonna say young MCs lash tone. need to spend a little time with themselves.
Elizabeth :Yeah. Let's start with the man in the mirror. Yes.
Margaret :Yeah. Michael did it.
Elizabeth :Not that man!
Margaret :That's so annoying.
Elizabeth :The whole song is annoying, because also it's not there's no thought that women want to have sex. You just have to trick them into it. Yeah, they all only don't want to have sex or only want to just get married,
Margaret :which is the whole point with love potion songs. Have them brass monkey you mentioned potion number nine love potion number nine, which was like early 60s late 50s. Something like that. Yeah. Also, is it David Seville and the Chipmunks who sing the witch doctor. That's what that song is about, too. Is it? I told the witch doctor pum pum Aha. And then she she gives him a little mushy boo, ah, ting tang while the other big bang
Elizabeth :and there's a potion in there. Yeah, I believe you. Are you met? You're not mixing it up with putting the lime in the coconut because those seem like they're of the same.
Margaret :There's another one. Do
Elizabeth :you think putting the lime in the coconut is an aphrodisiac?
Margaret :I've always thought so. Hmm.
Elizabeth :I mean, sure. I probably all are. I was reading a little bit about aphrodisiacs in relation to the song like they're mostly taken to be for men, funky cold Medina is for women, but also maybe as we established, could also maybe be rohypnol
Margaret :We thought which is rufees, right?
Elizabeth :I believe so yes,
Margaret :yeah, the kids call it rupees.
Elizabeth :So like the idea of an aphrodisiac. It was, I think, historically, maybe for men who couldn't get it up, and maybe also who did not have children, because that was like such a sign of your virility, yes, and so forth. But also, and so some of the aphrodisiacs that I will now proceed to tell you about are made for that purpose for men's quote unquote, energy. But also, let's not forget that nobody contested viagara being covered by health insurance, right? It's, you know, but birth control for women is a big fat problem to be covered that
Margaret :NOt gonna do it!
Elizabeth :Yeah, right. Good lord.
Margaret :Are you good lording at my george HW Bush impression? Oh,
Elizabeth :no, just at the phenomenon via
Margaret :Dana Carvey okay,
Elizabeth :but no, but I appreciate your Dana Carvey. Think your imitation of me imitating
Margaret :Thank you. I there's a way that this
Elizabeth :topic is like, I feel like it's so obvious I almost don't know what to say about it. Don't rape people. And women like having sex too.
Margaret :I don't know, but only when they want to. Yeah, exactly. When? for everybody. It's Yeah, just if somebody is not into you, I think you're gonna need to learn to accept that. Yeah. And it may not have anything to do with you.
Elizabeth :At all. Just know life is full of disappointments.
Margaret :Don't take it personally. It's not a failing on your part. You probably do be looking fly. Just go find somebody who loves you for you. Don't trick them into it. Which Yes, what that witch doctor song is about, like a secret spell or whatever. Like, say this thing to her and then she'll be yours. Yeah, you think tank a little living bag. That's the magic spell. Yeah. of like, Oh, I see tricking somebody into falling in love. Have you the tricks or magic or drugs or absconding with them? Yeah. through the mountains, like, yeah, people in days of yore, or the woods? Sure.
Elizabeth :I have a little list of some things that have been considered aphrodisiacs. Okay. Can I say one thing to you before you read the list, please?
Margaret :You and I were in a play together in high school. And there was a reference to the say bind women. Yes. Who are famous for being raped? Yes. They're famous for that. Oh, my God. And there was a line to it. What was it called? The play
Elizabeth :skin of our teeth, skin of our teeth. I was thinking about this because you have the poster. It's a terrible play. I didn't tell you I saw it and like just a few years ago, none of it No, you did. We left. We left it in our mission. It's so bad. Oh, God, really very boring.
Margaret :You have to play you love to play that you were in it. Well, I was Isn't that production? I know but the nostalgia of it wasn't enough to like, see you through. That was a high school play that we were in at our Catholic High School. Yeah. Oh my god reference to the rape of the sabine women. Yes. That's who I was thinking of when we were talking about being absconded? Oh, yeah.
Elizabeth :You know, also, I was thinking of I saw a few minutes the other day on 60 minutes of they interviewed the woman who was the rape victim of the dude who was a swimmer at Stanford, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who like required steaks in prison or something like it got a lot of press for. Does that sound familiar? Well, I feel like this. This was maybe the crime took place maybe five or six years ago. And the woman is now has identified herself and was interviewed. I don't think she wrote anything or anything like that. But she was recounting that the reports of the incident cluded those guys like swimming accomplishments. Mm hmm. And also, there was a lot of discourse about how she was drunk and it showed up at a party wearing whatever, skirt or whatever. It's always striking to me how they will say, Oh, well, you know, that was a dangerous situation that she should not have put herself in or even like the least versions of she was asking for it are like, astounding and there's no I just had this like fantasy of a world where groups of men like swimmers at Stanford or football players or whoever are great players. Yeah, are being like told by their coaches. Don't fucking rape anybody, like don't What if there was a culture of them saying that, you know,
Margaret :that would be so lovely. I do feel like we're getting that whole thing created the conversation about consent. Yeah, way that I never experienced in my, you know, 40 years of life, right like that. Yeah. And I had a conversation with my young son about son about it at the time we were listening to a report on the radio about it as I was driving him home, he would have been in high school at this point. So I turned off the radio, and I was like, teachable moment. So I turned off the radio and we talked about it talked about consent and stuff. And I was like, Look, if I can't do lots of things right with you, but if this is one thing, right, at least then at least that's that'll be one check in my column. Yeah. I don't feel like that was ever especially we got these messages in popular culture about like, tricking people into having sex with you is very confusing. Yes. It and you're right. Maybe here's the challenge athletic departments. Why don't you start discussing this kind of stuff in the locker room? Maybe that could be the new locker room talk. Right?
Elizabeth :Do you want to hear about these things? Are aphrodisiacs? I do. Some are more interesting than others. The ones that came up that were so that seemed very common historically, one is called ambrian, which is found in the guts of sperm whales like poor sperm whales throughout the centuries, you know, and really know the name. I know nothing.
Margaret :Exactly. They're like, Can we be called raindrop whales? What? Why do I have to call me a serm whale? oil? I know. I'm beginning with the name also, isn't it a sperm whale that is Moby Dick. Yeah, I believe so. Yep.
Elizabeth :Yeah, poor sperm oils. Oh my god. ambreen It sounds like you're saying Ambien, but I know put it in there. Also, this sounds like a name of a person who could be born in the late Oh, yeah, like Adrian or it's Amber. Yeah, like a little different than Adrian and Brienne. Hi, my name is Emery. And I think it's also a Like ambergris, which is also from whales, right? It's like a certain kind of fat that's in the whales. One of the ways that sperm whales were kind of screwed. I think they have a lot of ambergris
Margaret :the valuable valuable creatures apparently.
Elizabeth :Yeah, Bufo Toad, some kind of toad. That's like stuff from their glands, and then something called Yohimbine, which is from the bark of a tree that grows in West Africa. And also horny goat weed. So those four things are like the some real historic common ones from across the world. However, also people consider alcohol and aphrodisiac.
Margaret :Marijuana Why are you laughing?
Elizabeth :Because I just think it's because it's so common. Oh, and also the list included ecstasy and meth. And chocolate, but also then food shaped like dicks.
Margaret :Yeah, like, are wieners Oh, yes, right. Or Oscar Mayer Wiener is exactly. Bananas. Yes. And bananas is an aphrodisiac.
Elizabeth :That's like part of a I don't even know like I'm not even getting into particular times or places or anything like that. But the idea being that things that are shaped like dicks or balls are aphrodisiacs including also avocados or oysters.
Margaret :Show me a thing that's not round or cylindrical. Yeah, and naturally occurring stuff isn't square.
Elizabeth :Right? Then why aren't like donuts, aphrodisiacs for women? You know what I'm saying? Or bagel? Brown chick and brown cow
Margaret :making me super lustful.
Elizabeth :But there's also guess what and aphrodisiacs that are meant to cut down your libido?
Margaret :Nice. Throw some of those my way. What are they? And now, top 10 anaphrodisiacs.
Elizabeth :SSRIs the drugs?
Margaret :Oh, sure. Yep. antidepressants. You mean?
Elizabeth :Yeah. licorice apparently has some anaphrodisiac quality to it. The red wine kind or the black ones. I think the black kind. Okay, opioids. Mm hmm. And common rue, which is like a plant which has been interesting around my house lately because it's kind of butterfly season and Rue is one of the plants that swallowtail butterflies lay their eggs for their caterpillars to eat.
Margaret :Interesting. I thought you meant like, butter and flour,
Elizabeth :O r O u x, right? That's not what you mean. That No, but you could try it. Like if you're, you would have to scientifically test it. You'd have to wait till you're super horny. And then eat a whole
Margaret :NC which we're having sex?
Unknown Speaker :Yeah.
Elizabeth :Uh huh. Okay, you know to the list of aphrodisiac. x i have been known to claim aphrodisiac potency for gas x. If you don't, if you don't feel the need to fart, you're more focused on getting laid.
Margaret :Well, there now that that's taken care of,
Elizabeth :exactly. You feel thinner because you're less bloated up, you know?
Margaret :Oh God, our oysters not on this list?
Elizabeth :Oysters are on the list because they look like balls. You know? Well, that was cited that was cited as a food that looks like dick or balls.
Margaret :And so I was sorry, does this article actually say dick or balls? Who wrote this list? Did you get it in the fourth grade?
Elizabeth :Elizabeth wrote this list!
Margaret :Cuz I think it's more about the inside and what it looks like. Yeah, it looks like an ejaculate sitting in this little wet. Oh, I hear you I mean nastiness and I thought you meant the inside of a ball of balls. Oh, I don't know what that looks like it probably looks a lot like an oyster. Do you think? Yeah like a little an accurate testicle about the right size and outside of its natural habitat?
Elizabeth :Yeah, I do like oysters. I love them.
Margaret :I had a bad experience with the month. Oh, and, and I really just don't. Plus, I'm more militant with the food safety stuff. And eating raw is kind of freaks me out. Yeah, I hear you. Do you mean under pandemic conditions you're more concerned about food safety or as I get older in my life and have More experiences with foodborne illness or people that I know and love having foodborne illness. And it sent my cousin to the hospital once we went to a raw restaurant in Los Angeles and my poor cousin got so sick. I mean raw truly raw, like nothing was cooked there. Things were blended, but it was just vegetarian. Totally vegan. Raw gonna ask if there was any meat here. Yeah, that's dangerous. You gotta use that heat.
Elizabeth :Chili. They washed. They didn't even wash the vegetables. It sounds like
Margaret :I mean, I'm sure they did, but like water only goes so far.
Elizabeth :Right. And she got real sick.
Margaret :Yeah, eating healthy is so dangerous.
Elizabeth :Yeah, right. Oh, so now we have our segment about what would go on a mixtape with a song. Have you got any ideas? Would we include it on a mixtape in the first place?
Margaret :I think if I'm going to choose a tone lock song, I'm choosing wild thing and even that is more more Like, I think there's some problematic stuff in that even. But I do love that song because I have happy memories of like it playing a dances and stuff, right? I don't I don't know. I'm gonna say this is one I think I could do without right. I'm going to swap it Indiana Jones style with that golden head in a bag of sand I'm going to swap it right out and then what would you put on with wild thing? I think I would put busta move by young MC uh huh
Elizabeth :cuz it's a wild thing also, by the way, I think so. Well good for him. He's Rob bass and young MC they I think I put Rob Bass on there too. You know, like It Takes Two Yeah. Oh, maybe um, maybe some female representation with some Salt and Peppa or something like that. Yes, for sure. Some Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. Oh, yeah. So that is probably one of my that. All cried out is there is one of them. Lisa Lisa and called Jim Pitts that I associate with funky cold Medina although I think it was a little a couple years before that, but for some reason I do associated with it.
Margaret :It was enduring. Yeah. I mean, that was on the radio from when it came out until five years afterwards. Yeah, they were huge.
Elizabeth :My body never knew such pleasure. My heart never knew such pain that's Lisa Lisa.
Margaret :Yeah, it is. I meant to ask you how your voice lessons go.
Elizabeth :I think I got dumped by my voice teacher.
Margaret :No.
Elizabeth :I only want to do it once a month and I feel like she's like and it's not really worth my time. wasn't gonna make progress with once a month. Right here. That's not how she looks. Not as she talks but that might be
Margaret :I kind of picture her is like a large lady with braids and a Viking helmet on is that what she looks like? Ah, No, okay. Dang it.
Elizabeth :She's a young woman slip. Dressed in a normal, non Viking way.
Margaret :Okay, shoot. Lisa Lisa is an excellent choice. Oh my god is that song rips your heart out. Maybe lost an emotion is on site a wild thing?
Elizabeth :Is that Stacey? q? No.
Margaret :suzu you see Stacy q You're right. You're right Susie Q is a is a delicious hostess snack cake. Lost in emotion. I remember the thing. That's Lisa Lisa. Oh, it is Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah,
Elizabeth :got it, Stacy. Q is
Margaret :I need Two of hearts.
Elizabeth :Aha. That's a great that's equally like a maybe the theme of his mixtape was like kind of throwaway songs in a way that nobody really thinks about anymore. But then when someone brings it up, you're like, Oh, yeah. Maybe check for you,
Margaret :then you know who else? Listen to the stuff all the time. Yeah. Know what else belongs on this tape foot we're going to throw in a dash of Okay, now the woman is in control of her sexuality and we're going to put Samantha Fox on. Naughty girls need love to.
Elizabeth :Okay, I remember that. I'm mixing her up with Lita Ford.
Margaret :Yeah, yeah, they party in the same circle. Samantha fox is to meet the facts. Okay. Touch me touch me. I want to feel your body via your body. I remember that now. Yes. Okay. I want to have some fun. I want to have some fun.
Elizabeth :Okay, God, those songs are dumb. Let me just say those are just some dumb songs.
Margaret :Okay, we're gonna have to rumble. I love that. I love you. Samantha Fox unabashedly. He blew my mind on the front of her album. She had these cut off jeans and you could see her butt cheek and I was like,
Elizabeth :Yeah.
Margaret :But I was like, ballsy abroad. I, she and she's so she was a page three girl. She the girls on British side. She's British. Uh huh. Which you know, because she says naughty girls need love too Got it. her song but she she posts topless on the third page of the British tablets.
Elizabeth :Well, I could get behind all of that. I just mean the songs
Margaret :but catchy.
Elizabeth :Yeah, maybe she would we wouldn't have the WAP song without Samantha Fox either. And I wouldn't want to give that up. I feel like every step forward has led us to this moment. Yeah. Which by the way, did you hear that some Republican Representative from California said he accidentally know
Margaret :the guy whose wife is a "female doctor". And she told him it was a a legitimate medical condition.
Elizabeth :Oh my god, he tweeted about it. Well, I guess that song cost a little bit. Have you heard the song? Oh,