Episode 202: Identity Lag: When Your Style Falls Behind

The Signature Edit Monthly News Letter

http://the-executive-edge.kit.com/560a58e519

Ever feel your ambition is racing ahead while your closet stalls at a previous chapter? I put a name to that tension identity lag. It quietly taxes your energy, blurs your leadership presence, and keeps you dressing for an older version of yourself. 

We start by tracing identity through cycles—building, proving, expanding, refining and explaining why closets tend to freeze at the “fit in” stage. You’ll learn to read your wardrobe as a mirror: if it signals mid-level while your goals say executive or founder, friction follows. 

If your closet feels heavy and your image hasn’t caught up with your growth, press play. 

Subscribe, share with a friend who’s leveling up, and leave a quick review to tell us which part of your wardrobe you’re redesigning next.

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Transcript

Welcome & Purpose Of The Show

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This is the Everyday Icon Style Podcast, the space for style-conscious, career-driven women who are ready to look like the next level version of themselves. Each episode helps you build a wardrobe that reflects not only your executive presence, but your real life. With a little bit of guidance, intentional edits, and no full-blown transformation required. Let's elevate your style and your authenticity one outfit at a time. I'm Tiffany, your style coach. Let's get started. And I don't think anybody has a name for it, so I'm going to make up a name for it. And that is the identity lag. And what this is, is it comes from when you begin to outgrow your wardrobe and you stay stuck to where you've done the internal work, but the internal hasn't necessarily matched up or caught up with the external, which can make your wardrobe feel a little bit disjointed, you feel frustrated, and everything in between about your wardrobe. And what it looks like would be I just need to buy new clothes, is probably your first step that you'll go and do, but I'm here to tell you it's really a lot deeper than that. And because we have ignored it, because I have ignored it as well, it becomes and actually impacts your confidence, your visibility, and even your leadership presence. So let's get and dive on it. So first let's talk about the identity evolution cycles because it does come in cycle. And these seasons can look like the seasons that you're building or that you're proving something, whether it's to yourself or others, when you're expanding in seasons of refinement, stepping into new roles, whether it's personal or professional. And the version of you who was grinding, say three even three years ago, is a different person. The version of you who just stepped into a new lifestyle, you need different energy. The version of you preparing for what's next, you require different posture. And of course, your wardrobe is often frozen in the previous cycle, or even a cycle before that, or even a cycle before that. And this is what that was built for. It was built for who you were when you wanted to be taken more seriously, trying to fit in, or just being grateful to be in a room, or even trying to blend in. But today, you've outgrown that person. Your closet, unfortunately, has not. We'll definitely do that later on. And when you grow, this is what happens when you begin to grow internally. You have new standards, new boundaries, new expectations, new experiences. And unfortunately, your external presentation, well, it feels completely off, if we're being honest, right? So you open your closet and think to yourself, none of this feels like me, or nothing goes with anything. Or you know, your favorite, I have a closet full of clothes and absolutely nothing to wear. But in reality and technically, there's nothing wrong with the clothes in your closet. And you're probably shocked about that. Because they probably fit, they're still appropriate, and they're quality pieces. They, however, just no longer align with who you are right now because you are evolving, and as we always evolve. So anytime you wear something that represents an outdated version of you, you reinforce that version over and over again, psychologically and socially. So your closet is a mirror. And this is your closet is the biggest indicator and the biggest thing that you have that will show you that something is off. And what you tend to do is, is you tend to ignore it, that feeling. Or if you don't ignore it, you automatically go out and buy something new to wear, thinking that's going to fix the problem. But in reality, it's not. It's only going to make it worse because what you go out to buy still doesn't align. And most importantly, it doesn't support your war your closet, and your closet just becomes a breeding ground for mounds and mounds of clothes that you never wear. And then pretty soon, all those clothes, you won't want to open up your closet anymore. And that's where a huge disconnect is, and what people have always told us to do. Now keep in mind through this growth and how it creates visual instability, you begin to move differently, you speak differently, and you negotiate differently. And your mind is always looking for visual cues to confirm identity. So your closet isn't giving it the identity cues that you're actually looking for. So if your wardrobe is signaling, say mid-level, for example, while your ambition is signaling, signaling executive or even entrepreneur or whatever it is that you're aspiring to be, you create internal friction. And that friction is costly. Not financially, even though it can be, but more so energetically with the energy that you have because it's exhausting and it's tiring because you're spending more time trying to figure out what to wear for the day than doing what you actually need to get done on any particular day. So now we're going to talk about the internal versus external misalignment. So I want to be able to separate the two of these for you so that you have a complete understanding and make sure that it is as clear and as simple as possible. Internal growth, elevated standards, stronger boundaries, larger vision, sharper discernment, external alignment. This comes in the forms of silhouettes, fabric quality, structure, grooming, and even your color strategy. So when the internal upgrades, but the external doesn't, that's where the energy comes to take in of what's costing you. It also is the frustration and it feels heavy, and you don't really know how to remove the heaviness and get it off of your shoulders. And this is how it shows up in real time. Second guessing yourself, overthinking simple outfit choices, feeling invisible in rooms where you are actually qualified, dressing safe instead of dressing aligned. This means you have an idea, most of the time, you have an idea in your head of what it is and how it is you want to look when you step out of the house every day. But you begin to second guess yourself, worry about what other people are always going to say. So it holds you back instead of being able to take a step forward and moving forward every day because this isn't going to happen overnight, and it may not necessarily happen in a vacuum either. But what we tend to do is in what you're doing right now is you're brushing it off, and you're gonna think it's just clothes, nothing, but no big deal. Actually, it's a huge deal, and what it really is, is architecture because your wardrobe is a visual identity architecture, and when architecture is outdated, the structure becomes unstable. And I always want you to keep in mind majority of the time, I'm not talking about clothes necessarily, we're talking about just the internal and the external trying to catch up. Clothes are secondary in a way, even though we're going to build that out. We want to keep in mind that's why you're feeling unstable, and that's why we need to begin to build a new structure for you when it comes to your wardrobe. And lastly, it's not just a style issue, even though your style has probably definitely changed, that's not the primary issue. And this is where and how I want you to challenge yourself. If you are saying, I just need to organize my closet, I just need to shop and get a few pieces, I just need to find better basics. You're literally misdiagnosing the issue. And believe you me, when I tell you this, I've done this a million times because we've been given generic information and not really getting to the root cause. This is not about shopping at all. That's why in my services, we don't shop, it's about recalibration, and when you outgrow your wardrobe, you have three options. Shrink yourself back in to fit that version, which will always fill off, ignore the tension and operate in friction on a daily basis, or strategically rebuild to match who you are now. Only one of these supports expansion, and that's number three. The woman who understands this doesn't just update their wardrobe, they're actually redesigning it with intention. And your wardrobe and your style may actually come out completely different, and that is okay. But I don't want you to think that it's just about style because it's not. Because when you begin to do this and look at it differently and flip it on its head, now you begin to ask, who am I now? What is my lifestyle? What are my goals? What rooms am I entering? And what rooms do I have to leave? What authority am I claiming and letting go of? And what energy am I letting go of? And what am I reinforcing on a daily basis? This has nothing to also do with vanity. People think when you start redoing your style and building it up, it has to do with vanity. When actually it doesn't. Because if you have downloaded and listened to my five-part mini episode, The Silent Partner, which you can find in the description box of this episode below, I talk about how your wardrobe in your closet is your number one asset and is literally your silent partner. Nothing to do with vanity at all. And if anybody tells you that it has something to do with vanity, then you tell them to come see me and let's have a conversation. And this is when you begin to align yourself and align both even prof whether it's professional or whether it's personal life, everything begins to align. And if it aligns right, you can literally take whatever it is you're building as your identity when it comes to style, it will always carry you through no matter what. So to bring this episode to a conclusion, if your closet feels heavy, if your outfits feel slightly disconnected, if you've been evolving and growing, but your image hasn't, you're not disorganized, you're not bad at style, and you're not indecisive. Your identity is in transition. And what I would like to do is I would like to invite you to subscribe to my monthly newsletter, The Signature Edit, where I will give you monthly thoughts on style and what I'm liking right now is something a little fun to break up the monotony because it's more than just about style. It gives you a little bit of sneak peek of what it is I like to do. So I can give you my back ideas as far as books, everything else and everything else in between. And as an added bonus, as I mentioned earlier, you will have access to my five-part mini podcast, The Silent Partner, because it's time to start treating your closet as an asset and a partner that will always support you. So, with all of that being said, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. Stay healthy, stay safe, and I will talk to you in the next episode.