Episode 212: What If Your Closet Is Holding You Back?

Your closet can feel like a daily argument: too many hangers, nothing to wear, and a weird sense that none of it is really you. We get into the real reason that happens, and it’s not trends, budget, or a lack of shopping. It’s that you’ve changed and your wardrobe never got the memo, so your closet becomes proof of an older identity you’ve already outgrown.

We start with something most style content skips: the emotional audit. We talk about identity anchors, the “one day” pieces you keep for a future version of yourself, and why clutter is more than a visual problem. It creates decision fatigue and avoidance, and for many of us it even carries grief. The goal isn’t to erase memories, because memories live in you, not in the clothes. The goal is to make space for the life you’re actually living now.

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Transcript

Your Closet Crisis Isn’t Clothes

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Many of you think your wardrobe problem is about clothes. Too many, not enough, wrong trends, or even the wrong budget. But the closet crisis is almost absolutely never about the clothes. It's about you having changed and your wardrobe not getting the memo. Now this can be cause can be done because of a move, health or mobility issues, or my favorite time. How many of you, a decade or more has passed since you've even come in and actually took a look at your closet? Because those type of things, they tend to change us on the inside. But when you actually physically come into your closet and it kind of feels off, it's because your closet is evidence of the old version of who you were.

The Emotional Audit Comes First

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Now, the first thing we have to deal with is what's called an emotional audit. Now, this is the one thing that you'll rarely, if anything, see when you're scrolling either here on YouTube or any other type of social media. Because in reality, it's extremely uncomfortable. And most people don't do it or even edit their closets because everything in here is uncomfortable, and you actually have to give something up. And we have to do an emotional audit first to build the wardrobe that reflects you. And with this part, you really have to be honest about what can stay and what can actually go. We have to make sure that this closet of yours is going to support you. And even when you walk in and get dressed, that you are always going to feel as if the two, you yourself and your closet, are actually connected. So let's start with what I like to call identity anchors. And when you're thinking about identity anchors, these are the clothes you keep, not because you wore them, not because you spent like hundreds of dollars on them, not because they fit. And it's probably not even because you like don't like them or even like them or not. It's more so they are from somewhere in your past and who you were or how you were dressing for back then. So I want you to think about that suit that you've always had that has gotten you from interview to interview up till now. You can even think about things such as shoes or jewelry or anything in here that you have purchased, and these are the items that you don't really grab for. These are also the items, as I like to also call them, your one-day items. Well, one day I'm going to get into this when I lose some weight. One day I'm going to get into this because it's going to come back into style. Well, one day I'm going to get into this because it's something

Clutter, Decision Fatigue, And Grief

SPEAKER_00 3:05

that. So let's talk about something you probably don't even consider, and I don't ever really see anybody talk about. And that is clutter, even though this isn't cluttery right now. But clutter is literally a visual problem. It is also a decision fatigue problem as well. Because when you stand here in your closet or outside of your closet, or even times that you don't even want to go into your closet, because it's overwhelming. And you've been there probably several times. You have to work a little harder for filtering and dismissing and ignoring what's actually in the ear. So this is probably why you only go and you only select, say, just maybe not even 10% of your wardrobe that you wear is because everything else taking up space you don't want to deal with. That's emotional. And also, what I'm also discovering, it's also a form of grief. Because the closet that you're currently standing in right now, the real reason why you don't want to do the work to get rid of things, or you don't want to give them away, is because you're attached to it. And don't get me wrong, I completely understand and get it because I have been there. But I've also had to learn that there are some things that I actually have to get rid of. And grief is a process, and grief can also be very tiring. But until you're able to really take a look at your closet and your wardrobe, you are never going to dress the way that I always feel that is already locked inside of your head. Because as you move forward in life, in your head, your style has kind of cut up to you, but you haven't visually done it here. It's probably living on some Pinterest board or in some screenshots that you actually have in your phone or iPad, and they you haven't been able to bring them to life. Why? Because you are really afraid and avoiding doing the hard work, which will bring up good times and bad times. And you think that because you're getting rid of the clothes, you're going to get rid of the memories. But I'm here to tell you something. You're not going to get rid of them because why the memories live here? They don't live here, but in here. And until you begin to actually do that work, you will never be able to move on. And why your closet and your clothes will always feel off to you.

The 20 Minute Anchor Pile

SPEAKER_00 5:53

So you're probably wondering and asking yourself, well, how do I begin this process? And this is not going to be some full-blown drawn-out process. This is only going to take no more than 20 to 30 minutes max. That's it for right now. So what I want you to do is I want you to go through your closet and I want you to pull anything that makes you feel of one of the following. This makes me feel guilty. I'm keeping this just in case I go back to that life. Or even some of our favorites, I am going to wear this one day. Or whenever I lose weight, I am going to wear this. Anything that makes you feel like one of those questions that I just asked, I want you to put them in a separate pile. I don't want you to decide right now what to do with them. I just want you to name them for what they really are. And they are your anchors. So now that we've done the emotional audit, now here comes the

Build Your “Now” Character

SPEAKER_00 7:05

fun part. Now there's always the work, but then there's always some fun that comes in with this as well. So what we're going to do next is we're going to now define your now identity. And I want you to think of it this way. And I don't think I've ever heard of it done this way before, but we're going to try something new. I want you to think about your actual current everyday life as a movie. Not as, or I'll even go a little further. If you like to read, you can even think of this as a book. So either a movie or a book. Pick one of the two. What is the genre of this movie or book? Who is your character? Give her a name, give her whatever you think of. And if you watch movies like I do and read like I do, you will probably have a plethora of ideas in this. And that's what I want you to do or have fun. Or even if you have a favorite character in a book or a favorite character in a movie or a combination of everything, you can use that too. This is where you really get to get your creative juices flowing. So always remember with this to have fun. I also want you to think: what do they wear when they show up as their full self? Not a costume, not a performance, because if you have to think hard, and most of the clothes in here, they're now becoming more costume, performancey, but not really who you actually are. And their uniform is how they show up every day in the world when they feel completely aligned with how they dress. So we don't want to make a costume because then it'll feel like a costume and it'll feel performative and you'll show up as that. But when you show up as your authentic self and your authentic style, you will move different, you will talk different, and people will actually begin to see you different and begin to think, hmm, who is this person? Because now they get to see who you really are. And another thing, this could even be the chapter that you're in, where I like to call like the messy middle, that it's a chapter of reinvention and your character hasn't been fully developed yet. And that's okay. She doesn't have, I'm not asking you to fully develop her, but I'm asking you these questions so that you can begin to see and pull her out. Because, like I always say, it's already locked inside your mind. Just kind of have to pull it out a little bit. There are clues, and there are even clues in here. It might be very small clues, but there's there are clues in here as well. But don't rush it and make something up to where you think that's what you're supposed to look like. That's why sometimes I wear them one day clothes are always kind of bad and wrong, because that someday person that you bought that for, what if she's never shown up? Wonder if that was something in your head because that's what you are told at your level that you are actually supposed to wear, whether it's in your corporate career, whether it's you being an entrepreneur, or even just in your personal life. Maybe that's not who you are. Maybe who you are is still processing and developing, and that's okay, because this is a complete, this is all just a part of life. And as always, remember when you're doing this part, take your time, have fun, and just get as creative as possible, like playing dress up when we were all kids.

Pinterest For Real Life Style

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Now, a while back, a couple videos, many videos ago, I did a video about Pinterest and how it can actually help you with your style. I will put it up here in the cards and I'll also tag it in the description box of this video below. But I want you to go watch that because I know one thing's for sure. You have a Pinterest board that has 50-11 pins on it. You probably, if I go into your phone or in your iPad, you have another 50-11 screenshots of styles that you think are cute that you would want to try, but you never really got around to. And I get it because I have a closet, I have not a closet, but I have a Pinterest, 50-11 Pinterest boards, and now I'm creating a free form board of my style. And let me know in the comments if you want to see how I'm actually building out my style and what that looks like. So be sure to let me know in the comments, and I will end up doing a video on that as well. Now is the time to go back. But this time, I want you, you're not going to pin aspirationally. You're pinning for your actual life. Many people think, or when they begin their style, they do it as an aspiration, but not for their personal everyday life. So I want you to just think about your everyday life because that's going to that's going to go back to the movie or the book that we're creating for this version of you. And I want you to begin to really look at what catches your eye. I want you to look at what doesn't catch your eye. And I want you to delete them. I want, we need to narrow, begin to narrow this down. And here's a tip for when you're doing this and looking for your style. It's going to always be function meets feelings. And we're about to get into that right now. So when you're filtering these photos and the pins, and if you don't have a Pinterest board right now and you're beginning to build one, I want you to filter it between these two things. Function. Does this serve my actual lifestyle? Can I move in it? Can I work in it? Can I live in it? That's going to be function. Feelings. Does this make me feel grounded, professional, free, creative, sexy, powerful, whatever your word is? And you maybe want to come up with like one to two words that you can kind of build upon because this will help guide you when you get to the feeling aspect. So only two filters you need is function and feeling. And I want you to remember something. Both have to be true. Not one has to be true, not none of it has to be true, but both of them have to be true because style without a function is a costume. Function without feeling is a uniform. And we want both. We want both function and we want feeling. Now that we've worked on the function versus the feeling, now we're going to shop your life edit.

Function Meets Feeling Wardrobe Edit

SPEAKER_00 14:22

This is also going to require you to come into your wonderful, beautiful closet. And instead of pulling things out to get rid of them first, you're actually going to do the complete opposite. You're going through every single item and asking, does this pass the function meets feeling test? Does this belong to the character that I have defined for myself? If yes, then it can stay. If no, it goes over in the anchor pal. What's left of that is your actual wardrobe. And those are the clues that kind of show you what your style is actually going to be. Where it's going to fall into things: either your personal style or your signature style. It's going to fall into one of those. And the one that belongs to your life right now. Now I also want you to notice something else. I want you to notice the gaps. You may have plenty of capsule options, but not enough fun stuff. You may be in a gap between relaxed and professional, and it could be a huge gap or nothing in between. You might lean more towards dressy items and not have enough functional, relaxed, running errands type clothing. Now, not only will it begin to give you hints and clues about your personal style or signature style, it will also allow you to see the gaps in the holes in your foundation. And this will allow you to figure out what you actually need. And this is where you're going to actually start shopping first. And let me explain a breakdown of what your foundation is. One, it's your elevated basics, two, 15% of your wardrobe will be a capsule wardrobe. And three, you will also have your wardrobe essentials. And I'm not talking about those generic checklists that you see online. No, this is going to be tailored specifically for you. And that is going to literally be your signature style. And what I'm also learning is, as I'm getting deeper and deeper into this, is that there is a difference between your signature style and your personal style. And if you want me to do a video on that, let me know in the comments below. Now, when you're looking at the foundation and starting first, you have your elevated basics over here. You have your wardrobe tailored essentials checklist over here. And in the middle, what I like to call the bridge is your capsule wardrobe because it's going to tie all three together. This will also allow you to play around with your style with your style a little bit, figure out what combinations work and don't work. And this is where I always like to say where you need to start first. Because when you start here first, no matter what happens as you go from season to season, you will always have a foundation to build upon. And I also want to call your foundation your base level. And if you have a solid foundation, this will also prevent you from starting over and being on a hamster wheel every time you feel you have to gut your entire closet and start over from scratch. And that is the other thing that I want us to stop doing. We no longer have to start from scratch if and only if you have a strong and solid foundation. And I want to end with this. Your

Style Evolves And Perfection Isn’t The Goal

SPEAKER_00 18:02

style is not a fixed thing. And what we think it was always fixed, but that was also a lie. That was never the truth. But in fact, your style is a living, breathing reflection of you and nobody else. And it's time to put personal back into personal style. This is fit. This isn't fixed. You can change this whenever and however you want to change it. And there's nothing wrong with outgrowing pieces and a wardrobe that served you up to this point because that's what it was supposed to do. But now we have to begin to shift and say, you know what? That's okay. What do I want to look like in this season? And it's also a sign that you're growing and you're learning and you're beginning to be to love yourself. And the goal is never to have a perfect closet. And we've always been taught that as well: that this closet should be perfect, not organization, but with just the clothes that you feel in it, that you put into it. And that's sometimes how we always get stuck because we think it has to be perfect. It doesn't. And the goal is to when you open your closet every single day, it meets you and it greets you every single day. When you open the door, you feel happy, you feel joyful. It's not overwhelmed, it doesn't feel heavy. And that's when you know that your closet supports you and allows you the freedom and the flexibility to dress how you want to dress and move through this next season and in life in

Links, Comments, And What To Watch Next

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general. And if you've gotten through this entire video, hey, my name is Tiffany, and I am your personal style coach here over on YouTube. And before you go, I want you to be sure to click the link in the description box below. That is where you will find all of the links to where you can follow me and even work with me. So be sure to check all the links out below. If you have any questions, just let me know in the comments. And with that being said, be sure to watch one of these next two videos here, as they will also help you put you on track so that you can begin to build and develop and be the character in your own personal style life.