332: How Can Childcare Directors Show Genuine Appreciation to Their Staff? You're Probably Doing it Wrong

In this episode of Childcare Conversations, Kate and Carrie chat about how childcare directors can truly show appreciation for their staff, without falling into the trap of generic gifts or pizza parties. They share practical tips on understanding each team member’s unique “language of appreciation,” planning for special occasions, and making even simple gestures feel personal and meaningful. 

Whether it’s a thoughtful note, a favorite snack, or a homemade meal, Kate and Carrie remind us that real appreciation comes from knowing and valuing the wonderful people who make childcare possible.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Childcare Conversations with Kate and Carrie.

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Only five to six percent of your staff actually like to get gifts and feel appreciated that way.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

I mean, a lot of people, it depends on the gifts. If it's $1,000, I bet all of them would like that.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Okay, so we're gonna talk during this episode about all the things that child care directors do to get staff appreciation wrong. Not right. We're gonna talk about the common things that happen and why those don't necessarily resonate or send the message you're intending. So thank you for joining us on Childcare Conversations. I'm Kate. And I'm Carrie. And we are gonna talk today about getting you ready for staff and teacher appreciation week, which falls early May every year. And I love the fact that it kind of reminds me of things like holidays, even time changes, when people kind of forget that they're coming until they're here.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

And week of the young child, which is almost here right now. So whether teacher appreciation week, um, I think there's a school administrator day, we only get one day. Um, school secretary, they get a week also. Like all of it comes at this time of the year. But here's the thing that again, it's I'm pulling out some of the old hits. We hear people go, I buy them pizza all the time and nobody even cares.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Or my favorite, I gave them a gift card to Starbucks for five bucks. Like you can't even buy drip coffee for five bucks. So we hear a lot of realistic.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Yeah, and we heard a lot of that um, you know, in 2021 and 2022 when people had their magic COVID money and they were like, Well, I I rented a house at the beach, and then they all wanted to bring their significant others, and then some thought you had to be married, and they wanted to bring their kids, and other people said no, no kids. And it just seems like more work than then I'm gonna, you know, it why would I even bother trying to do something nice for my staff? They're just complaining about whether boyfriends and husbands and girlfriends and children can come.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Well, you know, let's start, let's start with the basics, right? So, first of all, do you know how all of your staff like to be appreciated? And if you have not done this as a staff training, I'm going to strongly encourage you to do this. And it is basically Love Languages in the Work Place. It is called Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. So know what your staff is. We've done this with staff who knew each other for over 20 years and they were still surprised. They still had aha moments because they hadn't really thought about the fact that the time that their staff get the most excited is when they come to their program and just spend 20 minutes with them or they just go out for a cup of coffee. Because what is that, Carrie? That is quality time. That isn't a gift. It's not about the cup of coffee, it's about the time.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Oh, and that's easier to budget. Um, like I it doesn't cost me as much money. But you have other people who, if you went into their classroom and just hung out with them, they'd be like, get out of my space. I got stuff to do. So you can't just generically go, I'm gonna give quality time to all of my staff, because some of them are like, get out of my space. If you're in my room, I presume you're trying to tell me something or you're looking for me to do something wrong. And so that's not gonna work either. Oh, well, I just know them.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

I just realized we didn't tell people what the five, so we just presume that at some point in time in your life, you've probably heard the five love languages. And so we think that you know what they are, whether they apply to somebody who how they like their taco, or you know, what other example you may have heard at some point in time. So let's talk about what they are. The first one that we mentioned when I started the episode was all about gifts. The next one is words of um appreciation or words of affirmation. Um, the third one is quality time, right? So a lot of times that's an that's one that, again, have you have you ever had that child? I'm gonna sneak away just a little bit and kind of veer just a tad. You know, that kid in your classroom who does everything they can do for attention, but if you spent five minutes with that kid once a day, okay. So anyway, I squirreled. Okay, I'm gonna come back, right? So the other one that a lot of times people immediately think about is touch, and they're like, I can't touch to anybody at work. Yeah, you can. That's what high hand on their shoulders. Like, yeah, you can give them a fist bump. I'm not saying you can go up and touch them like you might if you had a significant other.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

You can pat them on the back, you can, you know, give them a high five, you can fist bump, you can, you know, sit very close to them physically. You don't have to touch them. Some of a lot of the physical touch people, if you're just really physically close to them without touching, that works. And then the last one is the one that um Kate and I find the easiest, but a lot of people find harder, which is acts of service. We work in the caregiving field. It is something that we do naturally, but are you doing it in a way that the person feels appreciated it, or are you mothering them?

SPEAKER_02 5:41

And that's that's it intentional versus is it something you do? So let's just think this through. If you have children or you've ever been a child, let's think about that parent holiday, right? So whether it's Mother's Day, Father's Day, grandparents' day, and you get the little something that the school made for you from your child. Okay. What is that? That is a gift. Now, the teacher spent the time doing it. So from the teacher's mind, that's almost an act of service. And if you think about for a lot of families, if that's the only gift that mom or dad gets because maybe they're single or maybe the other person isn't quite looped into that's important to people, you know, it really may come across to some people as very much they feel appreciated. I am one of those humans, believe it or not, I still have the one that I got from my now 22-year-old when she was less than a year old. It's got her two little baby footprints and a flower, and it was a Mother's Day gift. I still have the one from my 32-year-old from when he was in kindergarten, and it was an envelope with his picture and his handwriting about all of the reasons um why he liked hanging around with me and he was hanging upside down in the picture. And so, and I have those for all four of my kids. I have at least one of those. But not everybody sees them that way. We have teachers who get resentful because the teachers are like, oh, I have to do this again, versus seeing it as a true opportunity to show to provide service and appreciation to the parents. Now, we're back to staff. So, okay, Carrie, back to staff.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

How many things do each of your teachers need with an apple on it or a pencil? I I don't a lotion. Lotion, yes. Candles. How many because you can't use those in the classroom. The number of things I've been given over my career with apples, chalkboards, pencils, is beyond. Coffee mugs for a non-coffee drinker. Oh, yeah. I get a lot of coffee mugs. I have drunk coffee one time in my entire life. And I was like, that's not for me. But I people give me apple-themed coffee cups. No, I don't need it. And it's going straight to goodwill on my way home. It is not even going to make it into my house. It is immediately going to a thrift store. I'm not going to bring it into my house. And that does not show your teachers that you appreciate them. It does not show your teachers that you even see them. You've got people on staff who walk in every day with uh a styrofoam cup from some place, right? Whether it's 7-Eleven or Duncan or Starbucks or wherever, then get them. If you're going to give out gift cards, go to the place where they buy their drink every week. Wait, wait, wait. You mean I can't just buy 20 of the same one? No, because you don't have 20 clones working in your school. You have to figure out things that they will appreciate. You're going to have to spend, oh my gosh, this is going to sound crazy, at least an hour thinking about your staff. Heaven forbid, over the course of an entire year, that you spend some time to go look at those little notes that you had them fill out when they first came to work for you in 2007 about what they like, and then think through what are things that I can do to show appreciation based on what I know of their language of appreciation and their personal interests. Also, if you're only doing this at the time that they were hired, and it is now, I don't remember what year I used, but more than 10 years later, please have them fill out a new this is what I like thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

You mean I might like a different, like, because I don't like the same soda I liked 20 years ago, partially because, well, you know, I now drink those sugar-free ones because I didn't before. So regular Coke and Coke Zero are totally different. Red wine, just because somebody drinks wine, red wine versus white wine, very different drinks.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

You know, there's a lot of different kinds of each of those, too, apparently. I don't drink, I don't know. But and do you want to be giving what if you give one of your staff a bottle of wine, but the other person on staff drinks vodka, are you going to give them vodka? Like, mm-hmm, and then you can't give, you can only give booze to the people that are older. Like, I would prefer you not give out booze. I think that's true.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

I was just using that as examples that a lot of times people go, oh, so-and-so drinks wine. And I am one of those people. I often get from parents and from other adult peers wine as a gift. And I do drink wine, but I drink sweet, sweet, sweet white wine. I will never drink a red wine, and I drink, don't drink most white wine. So I am really useless when it comes to trying to give me wine. Pretty limited margin. But if you know me well and you have bought that, I know you've paid attention to me. So that's kind of what we're saying. It doesn't mean that you can't get a gift, but make it make sense. My favorite story is from Carrie is actually when you know you have a staff person who is having a rough week, pay attention to what's going on in their personal life. When's the last time you gave your staff movie tickets so that them and their significant other can go to the movies and then you offer to have the kid come hang out with you at the childcare center. I'm not saying you start babysitting everybody's kids, but it's think about what would make sense. And if you aren't sure, because there are some of us who just don't get gift giving or appreciation, because part of it is we think gift giving and not appreciation. But if you took the time and you got Sonic gift cards for those who want the Sonic and you make it an amount that they can actually do something with, um, maybe you write a note that says, Hey, dinner's on me tonight. Take your boys to Sonic. I want photos of y'all with your corn dogs, and I've included tickets to the movie theater. You know, or so you've written something, so you they've got words of affirmation, you're giving them a gift, and you're also giving them an opportunity for quality time with their family. So it may not be quality time with you, but it may be quality time with their family. Now that's not gonna look the same for Susie Q who's single. So Susie Q who's single, but you know she keeps talking about wanting to go dancing or something. And so maybe you get her some, you know, uh uh a cheap bundle or maybe just a lesson of dance classes, you know, because you know that this is something she keeps saying she wants to do. But this is because you've listened and you've paid attention and you've had real conversations with your staff, and you want to make sure that you're doing something that they know they feel appreciated for.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

What are the things that they enjoy doing? You've got somebody on your staff who is a DD person on a Saturday. I don't know who it is. It could be a girl, it could be a guy, they could be 50 something, they could be 19, but there's probably at least one person on your staff who is a DD person. Getting them a really nice um dice rolling box. I don't know why that's important. I just know that it is for the people who love to play DD. They want a dice rolling box.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

There's also some great books about being female dungeon masters. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

Yeah. I mean, are they, you know, on the side, you know, a watercolorist? Are they, you know, what are the things they're interested in? If they're a watercolorist, I will tell you get them some arches paper. They will love you. You can get it in very small amounts. They will, they it's way more expensive than the average preschool teacher who dabbles in watercolor is going to spend on themselves. And you can get them two or three pieces and it feels like a luxury to them. But again, it's not the gift so much as the knowing that they do watercolors on the side. Um, I had one teacher who loved, like when kids graduated from her class, she made them applique t-shirts. And so getting a bundle of fat quarters of fabric that that person can use to make those appliques, again, it's the I paid attention to you. I see you. And when you've got staff who are having a rough time in their personal life or in their classroom, go and tell them, I see that you're having a hard time. Do you want me to just sit here with you, or is there anything I can do to help? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

So one last thing I want you to remember, and here's one of the reasons why you can't do the one size fits all. Every single one of us have a diverse population in our program. They probably come from different faiths, different backgrounds, different cultures, and you probably got at least one guy.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Wait, are you saying that the schools are not full of minions?

SPEAKER_02 15:13

Are they not full of minions? I'm saying, for the love of God, do not give the guy a gift certificate, I don't care how expensive it is, to the spa that he's gonna end up giving to his wife or his significant other and be mad because you didn't think about them enough to get them something that makes sense for them. And yes, I am speaking from experience. I was the I was the spouse who got the the the bitter gift.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Well, but the same would be true, like if you are giving out gifts around um religious holidays and you've got people in your program who aren't of that religious faith or are of no religious faith.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Well, Mother's Day and Father's Day, because you never know when you've got families where that's painful because of a lot of other reasons, right? So my suggestion for you right now is you have got a month until the beginning of all those appreciation days in May. Right now, block on your calendar in the end of April time to plan and buy and execute appropriate appreciation, time and product value, gifts, thank you notes, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

I think you're giving them too much time. I think they need to get it on the I think they need to do it earlier in April in case they realize that there's three people on staff that they don't know a hill of beans about. So they might need to do it earlier so that they can go have some conversations, get to know some of their staff.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Absolutely. And then on the following week, starting May 1st, over those first two weeks of May, schedule an actual 20-minute conversation with every single staff person, and that is when you give them that appreciation, whatever it is. This should not be something that you do in front of everybody. Now, from a budget standpoint, be consistent because they're gonna compare notes. Don't, don't, don't fool yourself. Even if you give everybody the same basic type of thing, which is a candy bar, uh a thing of soda, a thing of chips, a gift card, like even if that's as creative or budget you can get, that's a place to start, but make it still make it personal. But I would still not do it as an overarching, hi, I'm gonna give it to all of you at once, because that doesn't feel special.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

And last but not least, Carrie, what do we do about the pizza party or the donuts? I mean, I say you eat the food. That's what I would say. But I like, and I my staff told me, so your mileage may vary, but my staff said that they appreciated it more when I made a pot of chili and brought that in because they knew that I had actually made it, as opposed to calling Domino's and having Domino's bring some weak pizza to the school. And I can make chili and I can make lasagna and I can make spaghetti and you know, and it is so much easier to accommodate people's dietary preferences if I'm cooking it than if I am ordering it. If I have the case, yeah, I mean, it it's easier budget-wise, and it's easier to make sure that I can accommodate the gluten-free people and the people who keep kosher, and I can do all of that much more easily if I'm making the food. But if you're asking the direct, if you're the owner and you're asking the director to do that, does your director know how to cook? Is an important question. And another one is make sure that the members of the admin team who are cooking are being compensated for their time when cooking. Okay. That is not a volunteer thing that you do as the director. It might be a volunteer thing you do as the boss, as the owner. I did it and I wasn't compensated, but I owned the school. It is different when you're the owner versus when you're the director. If you're direct, if you're an owner and your director is a lousy cook, then cater.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

But but cater and cater with thought. And what do I mean by that? That means that if you have the dietary restrictions, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:39

If you've got folks on staff who um And it does, that doesn't mean that I have a vegetarian, uh, I have a vegan, so I'm gonna order the pizza from Papa John's, and I'm just gonna order them a salad. That that does no, no, thank you. No, thank you. Find something that you can, someplace you can order from that can help with that dietary restriction. It may take more thought than pizza, but you're also introducing them to new kinds of food. You know, Chinese places are, you know, or Asian food restaurants are easier to find vegan and vegetarian options.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

But you know what? There's nothing wrong with having a baked potato bar and having chili and having Fritos and having all kinds of options and letting people have baked potato or walking Frito pie or um, and if you're gonna do that, have two different types of chili. Okay, so on that, um, make sure that you go to childcareconversations.com. If you are a director and you are still trying to figure out what conferences to go to over the course of the rest of the year, download our field guide. We have put a lot of time and energy into kind of cultivating really good leadership programs over the course of the next four months, and we'd love for you to grab that and plan. Uh, so make sure you're looking into the July and August events because you probably need to plan for those. And we hope to see you soon, and we will talk to you in a couple of days.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Thanks for tuning in. We love bringing you real talk and fresh insight from the world of early childhood education. Be sure to follow us on social media to stay connected and catch all of the latest episodes. And if you're planning a conference, training, or special event, Kate and Carrie would love to speak to your audience. You can learn more about their keynote sessions and workshops at kateandcary.com. If you learned something today, share the show and leave us a review below. We'll see you next time on Child Care Conversations.