The Intentional Leaders Podcast: Helping ambitious leaders gain clarity, communicate with confidence, and lead with intention.

Lead With Intention, Not Autopilot: How the LEAD Framework Can Change your Career (and life!)

• Cyndi

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Feeling stuck between your best intentions and your most stressful reactions? We unpack a simple, repeatable way to move from autopilot to intentional leadership using the LEAD framework: Look within, Exercise choice, Act with intention, and Deepen connection. If you’ve ever prepared carefully for a feedback conversation only to get derailed by defensiveness, this conversation gives you the tools and language to stay steady and effective.

We start by demystifying emotional intelligence and emotional agility in plain terms: emotions are signals, not commands. You’ll learn how to read your body’s cues, name what you’re feeling with precision, and use that information to guide behavior. We break down why your brain’s fast stories skew negative and how a deliberate pause creates the space to choose your response. From there, we translate values into behaviors you can use under pressure—slowing your cadence, asking better questions, and steering the moment toward clarity instead of conflict.

Throughout the episode, we share real-world examples leaders face every week, from giving tough feedback to protecting psychological safety when tensions spike. You’ll hear practical prompts like “How is this landing for you?” and “What else could be true?” along with the science-backed habit of “name it to tame it” to regulate your nervous system. The result is a roadmap to build self-trust, become more predictable to your team, and widen your capacity for stress so you can lead with calm, curiosity, and purpose.

Ready to practice, not just plan? Grab the worksheet, try the micro-habits, and start building a leadership legacy you can be proud of. If this resonated, subscribe, share the episode with a leader who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show.

Download the Worksheet: https://www.intentionaleaders.com/the-lead-framework-worksheet

Connect with Cyndi: https://www.intentionaleaders.com/

Questions? Episode Requests? Send us a message!

Ambitious leaders know that real leadership goes far beyond titles—it’s about developing the clarity and mindset to guide others with confidence. In this podcast, you’ll explore what today’s leaders truly need, from navigating everyday problem solving to handling tough moments of workplace conflict with steadiness and respect. Episodes dive into setting healthy workplace boundaries, strengthening workplace collaboration, and building the emotional intelligence and emotional agility that make leadership sustainable. Whether you’re managing a growing team or refining your voice as a decision-maker, you’ll find insights that help you cultivate a resilient growth mindset and elevate your impact.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Intentional Leaders Podcast, the show that helps leaders gain clarity, build emotional agility, and create meaningful impact without sacrificing themselves. I'm your host, Cindy Wetland. If you're a leader that knows how you lead matters just as much as what you do, but you sometimes feel a little stuck navigating emotions or setting expectations or having those difficult conversations, then you're in the right place. In this episode, I'm going to teach you how to shift from leading on autopilot to responding intentionally using the lead framework. This framework, we're going to build up your confidence while we break down emotional intelligence into practical real-world leadership skills you can use. We're going to learn how to one, develop deeper self-awareness so you can respond instead of reacting, especially in high pressure situations, but also communicate with clarity and confidence, even when you're emotionally charged. And three, strengthen trust and connection with your team so leadership feels more impactful and less exhausting. Let's dive in. So welcome to the lead framework. The lead framework can, yes, it can change your life. What I mean by that, if you ever feel a little bit reactive to emotions, that you get stressed, anxious, uh, frustrated, annoyed, and you're just not sure how to show up as your best self, the lead framework will help you to do that. This is all about emotional agility, meaning, are you able to really pay attention to what you're experiencing in the moment and create an opportunity to respond in the way that feels good to you, that feels constructive, and that leads you in trusting relationships. Because for many of us, when we just react to emotions, it typically doesn't help us to make good choices. So the lead framework is all about emotional intelligence. And if you're familiar with this topic, which probably many of you are or not, but emotional intelligence is essentially how able are you to feel your emotions, to describe them, to discriminate amongst them, and to use that information to guide your thinking and guide your actions. Can you do that for yourself? And can you do that for other people? So emotional intelligence is something that many of us, well, I'll speak for myself. I found this to be a very difficult topic for myself when I first started leading. There wasn't a lot of research, as much research as there is now about emotional intelligence, but also about this whole emotional agility. And can you be agile with taking your emotional reactions and thinking about them in a more conscious, deliberate way? So the lead framework that we're going to talk about today is number one, look within. It has to start with you and how you're experiencing your emotions. Number two, we're going to talk about exercising choice. And you do have choice over your emotional reactions. And again, we're going to talk about what is reactivity versus responding in a way that feels appropriate, constructive, and builds trust. Number three, act with intention. This is where our behavioral choices make a big difference. And when we show up not acting with our best selves in mind or with our purpose or values in mind, it can feel very disconcerting. It can feel very personally upsetting when we do that. And the last one is deepen the connection that we have with other individuals. So we're going to look at each of these four steps. And what I would invite you to do is think about your current state of awareness around each of these four and how you can practice them because it is a practice. It just doesn't happen like tomorrow. So look inward. What that means is, well, like what's the big deal? Of course, I'm I can look inward, but the challenge for many of us is looking inward means that we have to be paying attention to the feelings in our body, the sensations that we're experiencing. And many people, according to Brene Brown, who of course you all know I love, she said most people can identify three emotions happy, sad man. Well, she wrote a book, Atlas of the Heart, that involves 80-some emotions, and there's more than that. But can you look within yourself? Can you feel right now an emotion that you're experiencing? And maybe you don't feel one strongly, but it could be calm, it could be contented, it could be interested, it could be engaged, or it could be you're anxious about something, you're annoyed, you're overwhelmed, you're frustrated by something else happening for you. But looking inward means that we're able to pay attention to those emotional experiences and that we know that we're having them. And we're able to say, I am feeling whatever it is, right? Whatever that emotion is. Can you do that? And can you help other people to do that as well? Other people may have the same challenges that you do with working looking inward, they may not have the words to describe the vocabulary. So looking inward involves the ability to navigate those sensations to understand them, also not to be afraid of them, that those are signals. They mean something. We have to figure out what they mean. And can you do you have a good vocabulary? Because the better vocabulary you have, the more effective you're going to be in that lead framework. So leading uh and looking within, the second one is exercising choice. So here's here's the thing: our thoughts, we have about 65,000 thoughts a day. And do you know that a lot of those thoughts are negative? Uh, according to some research, about 80% of the thoughts we have every day are negative. So if we're gonna exercise choice, it means we have to pay attention to what we're thinking, look, um, look inward, right, to what we're feeling, but also understand what is contributing to those emotional choices. Did you know that no one can make you feel something? No one can make you feel sad, bad, annoyed, angry. Typically, when we experience behaviors from other people, we tell ourselves a story. What's going on? That person is being mean, they're being disrespectful, they're lying to me, they're they don't have any accountability. We tell ourselves all these stories and then we react to it very quickly. We get those emotional reactions very quickly because we're thinking a thought. And a lot of times reactivity comes from those negative thoughts around the negative emotions, and then we quickly uh react to those things that may not be in the way that we want to. Think about think about preparing for uh giving someone feedback, and you feel like, okay, I'm all prepared. I I looked within, I know how I'm feeling about this, I know how I'm gonna present it, and then you present it, and then that person gets really mad at you. And now you're like, Well, how dare they get mad at me? Why are they getting mad at me? And this is true, right? And then we start telling ourselves a story, and then we get upset about it, right? Like, why aren't they listening to me? Why aren't they agreeing with me? Why don't they have a good self-awareness? That creates the emotional energy. But you know what? We can exercise choice in that emotional energy. Can I go into a feedback session where someone reacts poorly and remain calm? Of course I can. Is that difficult to do? Of course it is. But that is about choice. That is about thinking about the moment and not letting all those negative thoughts affect us, but telling ourselves, of course, this person is going to be defensive. Of course, they may not have awareness of this behavior, of course they might react in a negative way to feedback. Most people do. Does that mean I have to react in a negative way back? No, it does not. Sometimes it feels like that, right? Because it feels like our emotional energy just happens, but it doesn't. So, how do we think about showing up in a way that is more responsive? And the key to all of this is the pause, right? The pause between I'm I'm in an emotional experience and I just react to it. But the pause helps us to recognize, gosh, I'm feeling a little irritated now that that person's so defensive when I'm giving them the feedback. And if I pause and think, why am I irritated? Why do I feel upset about this? And how do I show up as my best self? Meaning I want to show up in a way that's curious, in a way that's calm, in a way that's intentional and deliberate. So I'm going to choose how I respond to that person rather than me being reactive, which is what they're doing. So that reactivity is very quick. It happens very quickly in our brain. Um, we don't always think about it. So, what this means is when we exercise choice, we have to look inward and identify what are the thoughts that I'm telling myself. Are those true and are those factual? So, part of the key to both the first step of looking within and exercising choice is recognizing how typically fast all of this goes. Most of us, we are going through life on autopilot, right? We just react to things as they're happening. We don't step back and reflect on things in the moment. That's very difficult to do. But if we are able to look within, how am I feeling, and realize that I have a choice, I can exercise some choice to respond, then that will affect my behaviors. And that's step three is acting with intention. So let's say I am all ready for that feedback experience. I give the person feedback and they get really triggered by it. They get very upset, they start arguing with me, uh, they uh disagree about it. I can remain calm. And what I can choose to do is acting with intention means, okay, I'm gonna drop into curiosity. I'm going to act with intention and think about what I value as a leader. I probably value compassion. I value, well, I do compassion or kindness or uh respect. Those are some things that I know are important to me. So, how would I choose to behave right now that reflects those values? So acting with intention means I'm able to now act with those kind of behaviors in the moment to start asking the individual questions. I can ask them, you know, how is my feedback landing for you? How um aligned is my feedback with your thinking? You know, tell me a little bit more about what's creating the uh the frustration or the negative energy for you. I could go into question-asking mode. That would be acting with intention. I want to model compassion and curiosity, and I'm gonna remain calm in order to do that. And and what's really great about doing that is the fourth step is deepening connections. So I look within, I recognize my own emotional reactions, I exercise choice, I act with intention, and then I deepen connections with myself and with others around me. And I think deepening intent connections is important because for many of us, do you trust yourself to remain calm in an emotionally charged situation? I used to be in a lot of situations like that, and I would say I probably in hindsight didn't trust myself to show up calm and composed or graceful or curious because one, I don't think I had the self-awareness to know how I was showing up in the moment that was not in alignment with my values or who I wanted to be, or even my leadership brand. I wasn't really thinking about those things in the moment or at the time. In hindsight, I can look back and say, yeah, I was a hot mess. I was very reactive in a lot of situations because I didn't know how to manage all that. So was I creating good connections, one with myself? Did I trust myself to go into interactions and connect with my best self? I would say the answer was probably no. And then did I connect and build psychological safety with others around me? Then the answer would probably still be no, right? If I can't even connect with myself and trust me, how is someone else going to trust me? And those connections are important, right? That is all about emotional safety. Think about people that are in your lives who show up and create emotional safety for you. It's like you have emotional reactions, you're emotionally charged, you're facing a lot of challenges, and they come in like a little warm blanket, like you get at the hospital. Do you want a warm blanket? I'm always gonna be like, yes. Do you want some grain crackers? Yes. Even if they're really crappy grain crackers, I always want them, right? We always want that comfort, and we can give each other comfort to re-regulate our central nervous system. That builds a lot of trust with each other. So this whole area of emotional agility, emotional intelligence, and being able to regulate our central nervous system. I don't know about you all, but I feel like in today's world, this is job one for all of us as leaders because you know what? We can work and get goals met, we can achieve results, we can make sure we're, you know, getting a great return on investment for the company or our project or whatever it is, but it doesn't mean that we all feel good about the experience or that we experience a sense of calm or well-being or compassion for each other. So the lead framework is designed to offer some insights about how to get there. How do you get that sense of calm? How do you widen your capacity for stress so things don't trigger you as quickly? That's the journey that all of us have to take is recognizing what does trigger us and how do we lead using this framework to be mindfully and physically present. So, what I would offer to you and invite you to think about as you're going forward, think about the next emotionally charged situation you're in, or even sometimes you could probably anticipate what that's going to be, and show up leading from looking within, feeling the emotions in your body, labeling them. That whole concept was coined by Dan Seagull, Dr. Dan Seagal, and it's called name it to tame it. Label the emotion that you're experiencing. That by doing that, it actually brings the negative energy down. It doesn't make it goes away, but it means it calms your central nervous system down by naming it. But you got to look inward to understand what it is. Number two, recognize that you have a choice. No one can make us feel a certain way. We choose our thoughts, and those create our emotional reactions. We are not a victim to our emotions. So that means we can be agile in choosing how we want to show up, but that means we have to think about how we're thinking and observe it. When we can do that and change the narrative or the story that our brain typically is telling ourselves, which is bad typically, then we can act with more intention. And I think about that a lot in terms of people that tell me that they want to lead by example, and most leaders say that. But can you really lead by example and act with intention if you don't know what example you're setting? That is problematic, right? So are you acting deliberately in line with what you want your legacy to be and what your values are? And then when you're doing those three things, you can show up deepening the connection. And you're gonna deepen the connection with yourself because now you're gonna know, hey, I can go into a difficult situation and I can trust myself to be my best self. I can trust myself to practice some emotional regulation and discipline and some agility in my reactions that I can respond rather than react. And then I will, by definition, connect better with others because I'm more predictable. And I'm there, right? I'm there with curiosity and compassion and with commitment to helping them show up as their best selves. And to me, that's what intentional leadership is all about. This whole lead framework is deliberate intentional leadership. And when you discover how to do this, your legacy as a leader is going to be amazing. This takes practice, it takes discipline. So let's get started this week. Being emotionally agile and being fully present is definitely a practice and a discipline. So check out the downloadable guide that we have included with this episode. I also encourage you to be more intentional on an ongoing basis to like or subscribe to this podcast.