Teachers Ed with Edward DeShazer

Educator Wellness: Five Lessons Every Educator Needs

• Edward DeShazer

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0:00 | 25:42

We share five hard lessons on self-care that keep educators from burning out and help us show up with energy for students and family. The conversation is honest, practical, and direct, with clear steps to set boundaries, ask for help, and make rest non-negotiable.

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www.EdwardDeShazer.org

SPEAKER_00:

Strength is not being able to carry everything. Strength is knowing when you can't. Educators carry everyone else's problems, but we rarely let anyone help us carry ours. Asking for help is not weakness, it's wisdom.

SPEAKER_01:

If you're an educator that's passionate, but you're tired and you're burnt out and you're wondering what to do next, this is a show for you. We're gonna learn together, we're gonna recharge together, and we're gonna grow together so you can be the best you and serve your students and your community to the best of your ability.

SPEAKER_00:

What's going on, Pod? Welcome back to another episode of the Teachers Ed podcast. I am your host, um Edward Asher. And if you have been joining us, uh, as I've always said, please do me a huge favor, uh leave a review. If you're watching live, please share this with someone that you may uh that you think it can benefit. Uh leave a star review, share this, whatever you can do to get help get this out to other dynamic educators. Truly, truly appreciate it. If you've been kind of tracking along um the last few weeks, we have been going through school culture. Uh, but today I'm going to be doing something completely different. I just got back from San Antonio. I did a session with about 150 uh administrators, superintendents, and principals, and just really hearing a common theme uh in this season. So I wanted to kind of get off my plan and get into uh where I thought I could bring some value uh to educators because right now a lot of educators are hitting walls, they are feeling tired, uh, they are questioning their capacity. Um, they are wondering is it just me? Why do I feel drained? There's like a there's levels of tired. There is educator tired, which is to me is like getting close to top, and there's parent tired, which I think uh, you know, is a little higher than educator, educator tired. But what I just want to come here and remind you uh today is that it's not just you. Um, you are not alone, you are not failing, um, you are not the only person that is exhausted. And the truth of the matter is uh this prof this profession asks uh so much more of us than it tends to give back. Um and no one, when you go to school to become an educator, no one teaches you how to protect yourself. Um, you are going to burn out uh long before you ever lose your passion. So today I just kind of want to dive into and share something that I wish someone would have told me years ago. Um, and we heard it in 2020 because it was trendy. And I'm telling you this in 2025, as we go into 2026, that self-care is not optional. Self-care can't be something that um, you know, we squeeze in when everything else is done. Self-care can't just be a bonus activity, it can't just be a luxury. A self-care for educators and really for people, but I'm talking to educators today. Self-care is survival, it has to be a strategy. Uh, self-care has to be sustainable, and self-care is actually leadership. So, today's episode, I'm gonna share the five things I wish I knew about self-care as an educator, as someone that's been doing this for 20 years now. Uh, these are things I learned the hard way. Which is uh I was just always a hard-headed kid, and I was the one that you could tell the stove is hot, but until I put my hand on and feel that heat myself, I just won't believe you that it's hot. Um, so this episode, the last few have been more like data and and theoretical driven. But this one is not that. Uh, this one is going to be a little more uh raw and honest, and in my opinion, especially after talking to some of the people that I talk to, um, this one is gonna be needed. So before I do jump in, I always have to give a shout out to uh our podcast partner, Rise Mushroom Coffee. I actually have my cup right here, and I can't even drink it because I made it too hot. Um, but Rise Mushroom Coffee, I love coffee. So if you love coffee and you don't need 35 sugars and 17 creams, uh Rise Mushroom Coffee is phenomenal. It's loaded with uh six mushrooms, six essential mushrooms, helps with bloating, helps with energy. When I used to drink a bunch of coffee, I would crash uh and it does not do that. But if you want to check it out, ry-ze-e-superfoods.com, and you can use my code Eber to Shazer. It's the whole uh my whole name spelt out, and you can get 15% off all of your purchase. Lesson number one, because that's what you're here for. Like, we don't care about the coffee. Um, but if you do check it out, lesson number one. When I put my job first, unintentionally put my family last. I remember years ago, and I say years ago, like it was that long ago, it was not that long ago. Before I found balance, before I really found um boundaries, I had times where my job completely consumed me. Um, and it's not because I didn't love my family, it's not because I didn't love my wife, didn't love my son, didn't love the people that are important to me. It was because I thought that being a great educator meant that I had to give everything uh to my school. I would leave the house before the sun came up. Uh, there was times where I would get home and I would be at my computer, in my office, doing all these things, uh, staying up late, responding to emails. Um, and there was a lot of days where I was home, but my mind was not at home with me. My mind was still in my office, it was still in the classroom, it was still solving a problem, it was still thinking about a student, it was thinking about a you know conversation that I may have had with a staff member, it was thinking about data. My mind was never resting. And I didn't realize that while I was giving my best to the school, uh my family's my my family was getting the leftovers. Um, and although they never really complained, because that's the thing about an educator's family, is they know, and sorry, I got cats jumping all around me, um, they know they they know um that you're passionate about what you do. So they try to give you a little grace, they try to give you a little mercy. Um and it's not fair to them um because you know the quiet the quiet moments turned into miss moments. What I found is I was spending more time uh raising other people's kids versus raising mine, and and I want to say something, and I want to say it with um love. Your job will take every ounce if you give it, but your job is never going to love you back the way your family does. Your family needs you uh present, your family needs you grounded, um, your family needs you available, and and more importantly, your family needs you alive. Um, your students deserve a great teacher, your staff deserve a great principal, your school deserves a great counselor, but your family deserves you. Your title at your school might be a teacher, it might be whatever your title may be. I've said this so many times, whatever your title is, but your title at home, as a mom, as a dad, as a partner, as a brother, as a sister, those titles matter more. And if you put your job first every single day, someone else, something else, is going to get what's left of you. And more often than not, that is going to be your family. Your school is going to replace you the moment you leave. I promise you. Now they let me let me go back. Your school is going to try to replace you the moment that you leave. I promise you. As a person that hires and fires, I have done it. I have replaced people that have left. But I'll tell them the same thing. Do not give your school every single thing you got and go home and give your family whatever's left. Your family cannot replace you. Uh, self-care is uh choosing the people who love you over the job that can run without you. And I want to say this again because I won't I want to make sure this gets heard. Self-care is choosing the people who love you over the job that is going to run without you. And this is to me included, as the executive director, there is going to come a day where our school is going to run without me. When my family needs me. So that's lesson one. Lesson two, hear me, hear me clear on this one, educators. It is okay to ask for help. You are never meant to do this work alone. Educators hold more emotion and they hold more emotional weight than most people probably realize. Because oftentimes we are holding the weight of our students, the trauma of our students, the expectations of your parents, the demands of your in your administrators, the guilt of not doing enough, the pressure of uh assessments and standardized test scores, uh, the pressure of outcomes, um, the fear of letting someone down. We are the person that everyone in our lives tends to turn to. But when we need someone, I learned this the hard way. When we need someone, we stay silent. We will take all this weight on of every other person in our life. But then when we need someone to support us, we stay silent. We have this guilt of giving our problems uh to other people, even though we are willing to take everyone else's. And here's the truth: strength is not being able to carry everything, strength is knowing when you can't. Strength is not the ability uh to be able to carry everything, strength is knowing when you can't. Asking for help is not a weakness. Educators, hear me, please hear me. Asking for help is not a weakness. It is self-awareness, it is maturity, it is leadership. Uh, some of the strongest educators that I that I know are ones that are like, I need support. I'm struggling, I can't carry this alone. You shouldn't have to carry this alone, but oftentimes as educators, we carry this alone. And and the moments you start to say those words, you realize that this weight was never meant to crush us and to crush you. Um, educators carry everyone else's problems, but we rarely let anyone help us carry ours. Asking for help is not weakness, it's wisdom. You don't get extra credit for drowning in your problems quietly. So, self-care today is going to start with raising your hand and saying, I need help. Lesson three rest is not earned, it is required. And I want to talk about rest because as educators, as a school leader, as a principal, as a teacher, sometimes we get guilty when we're doing nothing. And this is the reality. No matter what you do in education, there's always going to be more to do. So rest can't be earned by the amount of work that you do. Rest is going to be required because you deserve to rest. Educators will treat rest like it's the finish line. You know, if I can get just get through this stack of papers that's never gonna end, uh then I can rest. If I can just get all my units planned out, uh then I can sleep. If I can just get my classroom organized and get these last tests uh graded, then I'll finally take a break. But here is the problem the work is never gonna end for educators. There's always gonna be one more thing. There's always gonna be one more email, there's always gonna be one more task, there's always gonna be one more assignment for you to look at. So if you are waiting to rest until you're done, it's it means that you're never gonna rest at all. Rest isn't something that you earn at the end of the work. Rest is what fuels you up to keep doing the work. And your body's gonna know this. Your body's going to give you signals. Um, your body's gonna show you by fatigue, it's gonna show you by irritability, it's gonna show you by forgetfulness, it's gonna show you by snapping on your students, it's gonna show you by a coworker doing something that gets on your nerves and it gets really gets on your nerves because you're not rested. It's gonna show you because at times things are gonna get you more emotional. It's gonna show you because you're feeling drained, it's gonna show you because you're feeling exhausted. And if you ignore these signals long enough, your body is going to shut down. I said this a couple weeks ago when I was in Indianapolis. We talk about the best way to charge an iPhone. Android users, I'm sure Androids are the same, even though you're gonna tell me it works better as an Android. But the best way to preserve your battery on a phone is to let it drain all the way to empty and then plug it back in. The problem that educators have is that that is how we treat ourselves. We are more worried if our cell phone is gonna die than if we are. We are draining our body batteries all the way to empty, and then all of a sudden, all these signs and these these check oil, check engine lights start popping out on your body, and then all of a sudden you're like, I need to find help. Rest is not a reward. This is a requirement. Do not need to rest because you finished everything. You need to rest so you can finish everything. And if you don't find time to intentionally rest, your body is going to find it for you. That's lesson three. Lesson four, boundaries don't make you less committed, they make you more sustainable. I used to think boundaries were selfish. I used to think that um that saying no meant I wasn't a team player. I used to think that I needed to say yes to everything to prove my dedication to my title at my school. And what I learned is people who lack boundaries always burn out. People who set boundaries usually burn brighter. I think back to when I in 2023, I won a notable executive in Wisconsin, and that was probably the most miserable I had ever been in my life because I was so committed to being the best executive director that I said yes to everything and everyone, and I would have a long list of things I would walk into with work, and by the end of the day, my long list got longer because I took everyone else's problems and put them on my list. So I want to just kind of go through a couple um healthy boundaries that you can set. Because this is the thing when when people hear or see these videos or they see like a clip I'll post, they're always like, Thanks to you for telling us we need to take care of us, but give us how, give us the why of how to take care of us. And some of the things that I do, stop answering emails late at night. Um, they're still on my phone. I will still sometimes check them, but I will not respond to them at night. I will respond to them when I get into work uh the next morning. You can stop taking work home every single night. Um, you can stop saying yes to every committee, committee. The reason some of you have 10 different tasks and 10 different jobs at your school is because you keep saying yes to every committee that um that your supervisor or whoever asks you to be on because you're just like, I gotta do more, I can do more, I can help. Stop saying yes to everything. You can stop solving every crisis personally. Some of us gotta take our hands off the wheel, let other people solve the problems, but then some of us have to stay in our lane. Some of us are solving problems in our building that aren't our problems to solve. And I want to say this again because I see this at our school as well. Some of us are solving problems in our building that are not our problems to solve. Let the people whose problems they are solve those problems because you're gonna end up solving everyone else's problems, and you look at the look back and you're like, I didn't solve anything that I was needing to solve. Stop giving people unlimited access to your emotional capacity. And this is not just your job, this is your family, this is your friends, this is people in your network. Everyone does not need unlimited access to, and that's the problem with social media and with technology is everyone has given unlimited access, but you got to turn that off. And stop apologizing when you say no. Stop apologizing for doing something that you know is better than you than it is for someone else. Stop apologizing when you set a boundary because boundaries don't just uh limit your impact, boundaries are going to help you preserve your impact. Boundaries don't um they don't mean that you care less. Boundaries mean that you care for the long term. If you want to last in education, news flash, there is not some long line of people who are um begging and ready to join education. So we need the people that we have now to last in education. If you are going to last in education, if you want to avoid resentment, if you want to stay uh mentally well, you must have boundaries. No one respects a burnt-out educator, but everyone, I guess I can't say everyone, more people respect a grounded one. Setting boundaries don't it doesn't mean that you are less committed. Boundaries are going to make you more sustainable. You can care deeply about something, you can care deeply about your students, you can care deeply about a committee, you can care deeply about a sports program and still say no. Burnout doesn't come from doing too much, it comes from doing everything without limits. So that's lesson number uh four. Lesson five. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your students. This might be one of the most ignored truths in education because when oftentimes we think uh self-care we think that taking care of ourselves is selfish. We think that stepping away from a committee or you know, maybe there was a group that you've been on that stepping away maybe Means that you are letting uh kids down. We think that taking time for ourselves means that we are failing our classroom. But here is the reality: your students don't just need a teacher. Your school does not just need a principal. Your school does not just need a coach. Your school does not just need a counselor. Your school needs a regulated adult. Have you ever noticed that the days that you're exhausted, class feels harder? The days that you are stressed, behaviors will spike. The days that you are overwhelmed, little things are going to set you off. Your students are going to feel your energy long before they feel your instruction. Your staff is going to feel your energy long before they feel your policies. Your presence matters more than your lesson plans. Your regulation matters more than your decorations. Your calm matters more than your curriculum pacing guide. A well teacher creates a well classroom. A well principal creates a well culture. A well executive director creates a well culture. Taking care of yourself is not taking away from them. It is actually giving more to them. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your students. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your staff. Taking care of yourself is taking care of taking care of your community. Your class, your school, your culture is going to feel your energy long before they feel your lessons, long before they feel your policies. A grounded teacher creates grounded kids. A grounded principal creates a grounded staff. A grounded leader creates a grounded culture. Your wellness has to be part of your classroom management. All right. Five things that I wish I knew about an educator. Or that I wish I knew. Here are the five things that I wish I knew about self-care as an educator. Number one, for those that are just jumping in, when you put your job first, your family often pays the price. Number two, asking for help is not a weakness. It is wisdom. Number three, rest is not earned. It is required. Number four, boundaries don't make you less committed. They make you more sustainable. And number five, taking care of yourself is taking care of your students because your energy is more important than your curriculum. And as you reflect on these five lessons, I want you just to take a second and ask yourself, which one of these do I need, do you need? Do I need the most right now? Which one of these five is tugging at your heart? Which one is whispering, like, yep, that's that's me? Like which one, as I shared, like poked you in the side, like this is the one I need to listen to. That is the one that I need you to listen to. Self-care is not something that you do when everything else is done. Self-care is what you allow. Self-care is what allows you to get everything else done. You deserve rest, you deserve support, you deserve balance, you deserve boundaries, you deserve joy, and your students deserve a teacher who isn't running on empty. Your staff deserves a principal that's not on E. Your school deserves deserves a director whose check engine light isn't on. So please make sure, not because it's 2020 and it's trendy, your school is going to replace you one day. I don't care who you are, what you do, how important you are today, your school is going to replace you one day. You will never, you will never be replaced in your family. Your title is temporary, whatever that title is, teaching, principal, counselor, coach, driver, food service, your title is temporary. Mother is not, father is not, friend, uh, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, those are titles that last forever. So that is what I got for today's episode. If this episode resonated with you, please send this to someone who needs it. Please share this with a teammate. If you're if you're listening on one of the podcast platforms, please leave a review. It doesn't have to be a typed out review, but please leave a star review. If you're tapped in with me on Instagram or on TikTok, definitely appreciate you all for tapping in there. Share this with a teammate, share this with a friend. But more importantly, I need you to be, and I'm over here banging on the desk because I'm because I'm getting into this. I need you to be intentional with what you do for yourself. Stop doing all these things for everyone else. Start doing some stuff for yourself. So until next time, I need you to keep believing in your students, keep believing in your coworkers, keep believing in your family, but more importantly, keep believing in yourself. The best version of you is a version that is intentional. The best version of you in a school is the one that takes care of itself outside of your school. It is so unbelievably critical that you are intentional with how you take care of yourself. Not because it's 2020 and it's trendy, because it's 2025, heading into 2026, and you deserve peace. You deserve rest. You deserve to feel joy when you show up to work. And when you take care of yourself outside of work, you're gonna feel that joy when you show up to work. Appreciate you all for tapping in, and I will see you all next week.

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Edward DeShazer

Host