Reacting vs. Leading: The Real Difference for School Leaders

We draw a sharp line between reacting and leading when disruption hits schools, and we name the hidden habits that turn stressful moments into lasting dysfunction. We choose clarity over fake certainty, and we ground leadership in values and presence for principals, teachers, and anyone who serves students. 
• why the old school playbook stops working during disruption 
• what reacting looks like in schools and how it becomes permanent policy 
• fight flight freeze and why the nervous system cannot run a school 
• how to lead without having all the answers 
• the pilot in turbulence metaphor and why calm sets team speed 
• performing certainty versus providing clarity that builds trust 
• why teachers are leaders and classrooms face disruption daily 
• classroom examples of reacting versus leading with curiosity 
• commitment and values as the anchor when plans fall apart 
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Transcript

Opening And The Presence Question

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Education needs people who are truly present, not just in the building. I'm Eber DeShazer, and welcome to Homeroom Attendance. Your seat is safe. What's going on, Pod? Welcome back to Home Room Attendance. I am your host, Eber DeShazer, and today I'm asking, are you present or are you

Subscribe And Leave A Review

SPEAKER_00 0:30

absent? Let's begin. And uh before we we get into it, what I would always ask is if this podcast is adding something uh to the work that you do, if it's bringing value to you, uh to your thinking, to your day, uh to whatever it is you do in education, I would ask for a huge favor, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you are listening on a podcast platform, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whatever podcast platform you may be listening on, uh please leave a written review or a star review, either one. It helps us get in front of uh more educators like yourself. So I appreciate

When The Old School Playbook Fails

SPEAKER_00 1:07

you for that. So last week we talked about the disruption. Uh we gave it a name, we sat with it for a second, we acknowledged that the playbook that most people in schools are using or have studied or have been given by the teacher in front of them, the school leader in front of them, isn't working the way it used to. Um and by a couple comments that I got from people, I can tell that that episode resonated, and I think we are doing we've been doing the wrong thing for so long in a lot of schools that it's become normal, and that's not okay. So, today what I want to do is I want to just go one level deeper in the work that we talked about last week because naming the disruption is one step, uh, the second step is deciding next what it is you are going to do. And I've noticed something after more than a decade of leading schools, that actually sounds crazy

Reacting Versus Leading In Real Time

SPEAKER_00 2:10

to say. When disruption hits, people tend to go one of two directions. They either react or they lead, and those are not the same thing. And let me tell you what reacting looks like in a school. Reacting looks like a schedule change made at 7 45 in the morning. It looks like an email chain that has 17 replies and still no decision. It looks like a staff meeting that gets called because something went wrong, and for the entire 45 minutes, we spend that time talking about what went wrong rather than what happens next. It looks like a policy that gets written in response to that one staff, that one student on a Tuesday in October. And now this policy lives in your handbook forever, governing every student, governing every parent, governing every kid that comes in after them because nobody stopped to ask whether the policy was actually the answer. Reacting turns individual moments into institutional decisions. A lot of dysfunction that we have inherited in education, the stuff that we shake our heads at, the stuff that we say, I don't even know why we still do it this way. A lot of that came from somebody reacting to something and calling it a solution. Now, let me be very clear. Reacting is very real. I am not here to shame anybody in a school for reacting. When you're in the middle of something hard, your nervous system does what nervous systems do. It tries to protect you, uh, to fight, to flee, or it decides to just stand completely still and hope that whatever is coming decides to just go by. But here's

Fight Flight Freeze In Schools

SPEAKER_00 4:20

what nobody tells you in any leadership program, in any behavior management program. Your nervous system was not designed to run a school. Reacting is human. Leading is a choice that you make on top of that. Now, let me tell you what leading through disruption looks like. It does not mean that you have all of the answers. I want to be very clear on that because I

Lead Like A Pilot In Turbulence

SPEAKER_00 4:50

think some some of us were sold this version of leadership where the leader always knows what comes next, and that is just a flat out lie. Leading through disruption means that you stay oriented, it means you know what you're trying to protect, you know what you're trying to build, and when something unexpected hits, you use those two things as a reference point instead of just reacting to whatever is the loudest noise in the room. And think about it this way when you're on a plane, a pilot doesn't stop flying the plane when turbulence hits. They don't turn around and announce to the passengers that this was not in the original flight plan. They stay on the instruments, they trust their training, they communicate calmly, and they keep flying. You are the pilot, school leaders, you are the pilot of your school. Teachers, you are the pilot of your classroom. Your staff are not passengers, but the principle holds. When things get rough, people are watching how you move. Teachers, when things get rough, your students are watching how you move. The speed of the leader is the speed of the team, and the calm of the leader is the permission for the team to stay calm to. Now I want to name something that gets in the way of leading through disruption, and it's the pressure to perform certainty. Leaders feel it constantly. The expectation that you walk into the building every morning with a plan, a smile, and no doubt. And when disruption hits, the pressure gets heavier because now people are genuinely looking uh looking to you for the answers you may not have. So, what do a lot of leaders

Certainty Performance Versus Clear Direction

SPEAKER_00 6:55

do? What do a lot of people do in those situations? They perform confidence they don't actually feel. They announce decisions before they've had a time to think about them, and they move fast to look like they're in control. And what ultimately ends up happening is they make things worse. And then when they have to manage the thing that they made worse on top of the original disruption, it just continues to compound into feeling worse. Performing certainty is not leadership, but providing clarity is, and those are two completely different things. Certainty says, I know exactly what is going to happen next. Clarity says, I know exactly what we stand for, I know what we're protecting, and this is how it shapes what we are going to do next. You can often you can offer clarity even when you don't have certainty. That's actually what your people need from you, versus thinking you always have to have the perfect answer. The real difference between a leader that says, I have this handled when they don't, and a leader that says, I don't have the full picture yet, but here's what I know for sure, and here's what we're gonna do to figure it all out. One of those leaders builds trust, and the other one borrows it until their account runs dry. Now, let me talk

Teachers Are Leaders Too

SPEAKER_00 8:25

to the teachers for a minute because teachers like this doesn't apply to me. Teachers, you are leaders too. Everything I have said applies to you just as much as it applies to someone in a district office or in that front space of the building. Your classroom is your building. You are the leader in that room, and disruption finds its way there every single day, just at a different scale. Students walk in carrying something heavy from home, and it changes the energy before they've even said a word, before you've even said a word. A lesson that worked beautifully on Tuesday, uh complete or even last year, you run it back and it falls completely flat with this new group of students. A conversation in the hallway spills into your third period math class, and now you're managing something that you didn't plan for. And if these things sound familiar, this is what happens in schools all the time. But what reacting looks like in a classroom is raising your voice when a student raises theirs. It looks like sending someone to the office because a moment felt unmanageable and realizing later that what that kid actually needed was just for you to stay present with them. It also looks like going home and replaying a class period on loop in your head, replaying a tough conversation you have with a student, with a coworker in loop on your head. You have convinced yourself that one bad day means that you are a bad teacher, and that is a lie that we have to stop telling ourselves in education. Reacting in the classroom is exhausting in a specific way because it feels immediate, and you and you and you are you feel it immediately. There's no buffer between you and the room, it's just you, you know, your 20, 25, 30, however many kids, and whatever is happening right in that moment. Leading through the disruption in the classroom looks a little different. It looks like the teacher who notices the energy is off and adjusts before it escalates to that higher level. It looks like the teacher who reads the room in the first five minutes and decides that today's plan needs to be shifted just a little bit. It looks like the teacher who responds to a difficult student moment with curiosity instead of correction. Because in education, if there's one thing that you can learn, is that curiosity tends to open doors, that correction closes, locks, and never reopens. You don't have to perfect a lesson to lead well. You have to be present enough to read what your classroom and what your room actually needs. And that is a skill, and it is a learnable skill, it's a practible skill. It's not something that you

Curiosity Beats Correction In The Classroom

SPEAKER_00 11:30

either have or that you don't. The best teachers that I've been around, and I've been in quite a few classrooms and quite a few schools across the country, share one thing. They are not the ones who have never had hard days. Every person in education has had a hard day. They are the ones that don't let a hard moment decide what kind of teacher they are. They feel the disruption, they acknowledge it internally, and then they make a choice about what it is they have to do next. That's the same choice that every leader has to make just with different stakes and different rooms. And I'll say this one more time before I get ready to close out. The difference between reacting and leading isn't about your temperament. It's not about whether you're naturally calm or naturally intense. Some of the best leaders that I've met in my time, I know who are very high energy and loud people in a room, and some of the most reactive leaders I've met are quiet as a library. The difference is about what is driving you as a leader, as an educator, as a teacher, as a principal. When you react, you are being driven by the disruption. It sets the terms, it decides what your next move is. A school can either leave its imprint on you, or you can leave your imprint on the school. When you lead, you are being driven by something you decided before the disruption that showed up, your values, your opinion, your vision, the kind of leader that you want to be, the kind of leader, the kind of educator

Values Louder Than Circumstances

SPEAKER_00 13:10

that you are committing to being before things got difficult. The commitment is what you go back to when the plans fall apart. Not the plan. The plan is great, but the commitment because your plan is going to fall apart, I promise you. And if you haven't named it uh for yourself, that's the real work. You don't need another professional development session, you don't need another framework. I right now just need you to ask yourself, what do I actually believe about the kids in front of me as a teacher? What do I actually believe about the staff in front of me as a school leader, about the parents in front of me, about the people that I serve in whatever leadership capacity I am in, whether that's a teacher, whether that's a special education, whether you're in the cafeteria, whether you're on a bus, what do I believe is what's possible in front with the people that are in front of me that I lead on a day-to-day basis? And am I leading from that belief, or am I just managing whatever it is that shows up on that day? Because there's a version of this work that is purely reactive, and a lot of people are living in that version right now and calling it leadership. That is not leadership, that is survival. Leadership is what happens when you decide your values get to be louder than your circumstances. Leadership is what happened, happens when you decide your values get to be louder than your circumstances. And that is where I want to leave you with today. You can either react or you can lead. Both choices are available to you every single morning that you walk into your school, that you walk into your classroom, that you walk into your office, that you walk into your household every time you step into a room, those are the two choices that you have. One of them is automatic, the other one is a decision. I am encouraging you all that are listening today to make that decision. And before I let you go, if you have not, share this episode with someone. Like, subscribe, uh, leave a review, a star review would be incredible. Every review helps me uh get in front of another educator just like yourself. You have been present for homeroom attendance, and class is dismissed.