Jump!

We start this edition of Swan Dive on the rooftop of an epic college party. We read letters from our past selves, get messy and grant ourselves the liberty to read a book and take a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Do something different already!  This conversation was recorded at the beginning of the year; you're gonna love the bit about the pause. So much  more true today than in January. Ready, set, JUMP!  This is Swan Dive, a pivot to your vision.

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Transcript

spk_0:   0:01
you wrote yourself a letter three months ago and you just received it today. What did you tell yourself three months ago? On this edition of Swan Dive, we take a look at a literal dive for my college son and their epic house party. Also granting yourself the pleasure of reading a book and taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon. And those letters and postcards from the past. This addition of Swan dive was recorded earlier in the year before the planet paused and still makes him interesting declarations that are more true today than when we have this conversation at the beginning of the year. Ready Set, Jump! This is Swan dive. Here we are. Another episode of Swan Dive with Ron Rothberg and Stew Sheldon. Haste. Do What's going on, man.

spk_1:   0:51
A man so excited. What a beautiful day down in Central America.

spk_0:   0:56
Yeah, And what a beautiful, not so beautiful day here in North America. I'm in Jacksonville, You're in Costa Rica. It's raining out here, and it's about to get cold. And I guess it's about to get cold. For you. It might be like, what, 72.

spk_1:   1:10
Yeah, well, that would be frigid, but the high yesterday was 93.

spk_0:   1:14
A man, but the sand, the sand Super chill. So I guess this is Episode six for us, and I want to start it with a story. Can I indulge you with the story?

spk_1:   1:27
Let me hit me.

spk_0:   1:28
All right. So my son, my beautiful, adventurous 20 year old college student son, sends me a text on Sunday night and we have a conversation and the text is a video and he says, and he says, Dad, we got on bar stool and I'm like Ty, what's bar stool? And apparently barstools like a collegiate hub for interesting, adventurous dare I say party videos that might get posted on this at the site. So picture if you will stew you and I 1982 circa at our fraternity house and just a killer raging party and somebody on the roof of the apartment getting ready to leap down to the awaiting comfy, cozy couch that's in the

spk_1:   2:17
everybody's super, egging him on right

spk_0:   2:19
super egg in Amman. So the video is his roommate on the roof of their apartment and a big party in the front yard. Jump, jump, jump and he does it. He leaps. He jumps into the couch with plenty of cushions on top and the crowd goes wild and the crowd goes wild. And I'm like, Damn brother, you know, that's cool. I love your adventurousness. But Dita, part of the parents side of me is like, really, really, but that I sent it to a buddy in line or I showed it to a buddy of mine at work. And he's like, Man, I wish my son had a little more fun at school. So So the reason why I tell you this story is because when I I told my team in front of everyone in my office about my move, that I'm leaving, I felt like the voices inside my head were all those college kids in the front yards, a jump jump jump and everyone sitting there staring back at me was my parent told back up my parental lobe, telling me, Hold on, boy, Wait right there. Take the stairs down. And And so I had to rectify that in my head. You know why? Why is this? Why do we lose this thrill seeking and keep in mind for me? I I knew exactly how far I had to jump. I knew the cushions were there. I was ready. But it was interesting to see that kind of reaction. People who were like saying, Man, what are you gonna do now? Are you scared? And my reaction to that was I'm really scared of staying here and being stagnant. And and so my question to you as we start this conversation is what happens to our adventure spirit. Why Why are we Why are we so afraid to take that leap?

spk_1:   4:18
Boy, that's a deep question that might be above my pay grade. But, I mean, I think that when we're young, we're just you know, I always said you want to live in New York City. You know, when you're 21 years old and you don't mind being broke, and you just don't you know, you just don't know better and just go get beat up is this? We were kind of bulletproof when were younger, and we are still in that, like, just go. What's the worst that could happen? Kind of mindset. So I think it's just is interesting to look at the sort of psychology of the crowd at the bottom of that at that diving board. Think. Okay. Like how stumptown sincerely, they really wanted him to jump. And then eventually, you know, we kind of lose that edge. I don't really know. The goal of this whole conversation is to reclaim that edge, to find that it is the light, a fire under that edge. Because we have it mean you have it, You just jumped. And so, you know, everybody needs to look inside themselves and say, Like, Look, I was that kid. What happened in like, No, I'm not gonna take it. So I just think it's a choice that we we need to very actively making some point and it gets harder to make its time goes on, No doubt about it.

spk_0:   5:23
Yeah, but the postscript That script is that my son's roommate Bailey, twisted his ligament, had to go to the hospital. He got fixed, he got fixed and I realized I know, I know there's bruises coming ahead, but and we're resilient kind of folk, right? Younger, You heal quicker, older. You might not heal as much or as fast, but yeah, you might get broken, but so what? You get fixed, right?

spk_1:   5:50
Yeah, no doubt about it. I mean, there's actual I did a block post years ago, uh, entitled how to avoid regret. And it was based on the story of a palliative care nurse in Australia. I think she was for 40 years. Her job was to basically, like, comfort people as they died. That was her job. And so there were countless thousands and thousands of people that, like she was the last conversation they had. And when you're at that state of stage of life, you just tell the truth, man. You don't have time for anything else. And so he collected the list of the most common regrets that people have in their lives. And this was on an enormous sample size. And the number one regret was, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life it's others expected of me. That was the number one regret. The second regret was I wish I didn't work so hard. And the third was I wish I'd have the courage to express my feelings. So those air three like tenants toe live by. Did you have the courage to live with your true life, not the life others expected. Did you worked you ARD? And did you express your feelings, express your love and receive love for mothers? And so this whole conversation is really about that. And I think that's your first question. Why do you lose it? Well, you just don't know better. So let's help people know better because we're starting to really get it, you know?

spk_0:   7:15
Well, I think I Everything in my life I don't think I regret anything I did, but I sure as hell have more regret over the things I didn't dio. I didn't live in New York in my twenties. I kind of regret that you know the other. Those are the things I look back on. It was interesting to hear commentary back to me and

spk_1:   7:37
that it was what was a few things that really stock.

spk_0:   7:40
Well, one of them was great. This woman that I'm so proud of, she she works for me and she's actually starting to do stand up and she's on. She came in today actually and said, I'm on a poster. I'm on a poster. I got a gig and when she pulled me and she was in the middle of the office and I was walking back to my office and she said, Ron, we're sorry we ruined your career. I loved it. I loved it because, you know, you have to have humor with everything you dio That was perfect. That was perfect. Um, you know that the other folks like, what are you gonna dio? Where you gonna go? What are you gonna do? Where you gonna go? And I'm like, man, I I've I've got it. I got it. And then I said to him, Well, I'm doing a podcast, Really? And then you nailed It's too. How do you make money with that? Well, you know, I'm just trying to make good content. I'm just trying to make good connections. I'm having a really fun conversation with a really good friend of mine, and and that's enough for me. And I think that goes back to the flawed paradigms that we that we meet every day. The paradigm that that I was met with was Wait a minute. You're leaving a corporate cushy job. You don't have, like, really that many cushions on the couch Wait, wait, wait. That that that that goes in in parallel. It's not in conjunction with my paradigm. How are you doing that? And then it immediately is met with the metric of success that our society is put out there in the metric of success for our society is how high you're going to climb and how much money gonna make.

spk_1:   9:19
Yeah, this false construct and I I'm trying really hard to destroy it. I'm trying to destroy it in my own life. And admittedly, I have the wherewithal to do so. So I mean, it's important that I state that right up front. But I believe that that we have been diluted and into this idea that, you know, with the whoever has dies with the most commas and the most stuff on biggest. You know, the most sort of letters after their their their name is winds, and I just don't buy it. I think it's the amount of time you spend with your Children. It's amount time you read books. It's the amount of time that you do during the day. The things that you want to do, You don't have to Do you want to Dio, What are you doing? Things you want to do all day long. So it's, you know, it's hard because you don't want to be routed to those folks because they've got really feeling it, and they're not really understanding that concept yet, But it is also disheartening. You know, when people come at you and you just take in this like, really soul soul pivot. And so it's delicate. You know, I'm sure you're kind when you speak to those folks,

spk_0:   10:29
I am. But I also, um I don't feel like we had an earlier conversation and you were really stuttering on the word success I don't like. You know, you had success in your our career, and I stutter on the word once when everybody invariably comes back to wow, that's really courageous. I stutter on that because the courage to to be who you are isn't courage. It's just living your life, it with authenticity. And I think that's that's where that paradigm flaw comes, comes to play and and when when we talk about, we try to just deconstruct that back. Teoh what? The markers are out there in society, you think about marketing and you think about any product that you ever seen marketed. It either makes you skinny, get you laid or makes your rich. Do you think about it. You think about anything that you ever see an ad for its one of those three buckets.

spk_1:   11:28
If you and

spk_0:   11:29
and so we live our life against that, is it gonna get me rich? Is it going to make me skinny? Is it going to make someone like me more?

spk_1:   11:38
Yeah. I mean, listen, this this conversation is so easy, and I imagine will just come in and out of the sort of the conversation about the values of, you know, of Western culture and particularly the U. S. A. I mean, it's we've kind of gotten off the rails, man. We've kind of lost that. We lost the sight of land, and, uh, we need Teoh navigate back to what fills us up. What makes this joyful? What makes us proud of ourselves? What makes it stoked and, uh, get on from that and just aim it. That and how do we do it? I don't know, but but everybody's got to do it. Everybody's just gotta check in with themselves and do that thing and start doing it now because it's just it's just time.

spk_0:   12:20
But wait a minute. You already have said that you've given the instructions, the life instructions, You said it a couple of episodes ago. You just got dirty. You just got dirty in a studio and everybody sandbox or studio is gonna be different. But, man, there's no license to do what you want to do. I think the challenge for most people is to find the spark. And you can't find the spark if you stay in the rut and do the same thing over and over and over again. And I think that goes back to the stern parental faces that I was met with in the conference room in my corporate former life. Wait a minute. That doesn't add up for me because I am programmed to come here every day and I'm program to get a paycheck every two weeks, and I am programmed to pick up my kid at school and I am programmed toe save for my 401 K and those air good programs don't get me wrong on that. There are good, regimented things to Dio, but there are so many times in the day that you can pick, pick your your head up and and asked the why. And I think that that's really coming back to helping folks find that focus is asked the why,

spk_1:   13:32
Yeah, so what's what's next? I mean, I mean, we've set the table and I agree with you on a percent, obviously, but what's what's what's the next thing I know we can push this conversation like to the next level. How do we activate folks? What's what What, what's next in your opinion?

spk_0:   13:47
So for me, I think it's it's understanding that the cushions on the couch are thick enough to absorb your fall. And that means to me that I have been met with such prophecy. One of the people that I I work with have the most prophetic lord words that ring true to this day. I went in my office after I made that announcement, and he came over to me and he was like, Really, he's one of our most successful guys. What? That I work with great guy big surfer. He's going to Indo in a in a couple of months. I just respect the hell out of him and he said, Ron, you don't even know what doors are about to open for you. And I thought that was the most prophetic thing, cause over the next several days, doors started opening for me. I started leaning into my network. We talked about that. You know, you go to the people you know, because people generally want to help you. And I think that's one of the things you do not under estimate all the bridges you've built in your life, and it is fine and dandy and very much you have to walk back over those bridges because you know that there's somebody on the other side that's gonna help, You know that I know that in your heart that people were all on this thing together, and I feel like that is one of the biggest things that I learned in a very short amount of time, that that that we have a network. We have people that want us to succeed, and we have people loving arms around us. I felt that immediately, and those loving arms are arms that can help you do whatever it is. Your thing is

spk_1:   15:25
well, you know you're making is based for it. I mean, you're you know, you all of a sudden there's a huge block of time. I mean, huge in your case, you know, What is that? 220 days times, you know, eight. So however many out of the hours. But, um and we don't realize that there's, like a, you know, infinite number of parallel lanes going on next to us like we're doing Our thing were in our lane, but there's all these. I mean, there's a guy playing some stringed instrument, you know, in Afghanistan. And there's a guy who's like, you know, in Greece, like on an island driving a boat. And there's a lot of people doing a lot of stuff while you're doing your thing that you kind of like obsessed that it's the whole world, get you get to pick another lane on Ben, you know, and then the lights come on in that in that arena. And everyone helps you as you say. So it's a really beautiful thing when you start to kind of think of it in terms of just like the other people in the world, and you get to all of a sudden become one of the other people from your from your former self, so to speak.

spk_0:   16:22
Absolutely. It and a contributor a contributing voice.

spk_1:   16:27
Yeah, that's a great That's a very important, very important distinction to yes, you're a contributor. You are definitely, like leading into life. You are putting wood on the fire of humanity. War minutes, Allah. Good for you. That's a That's a wonderful point.

spk_0:   16:43
And I think that I think that you would mention, What do we want to do? How do you activate? I think one of the biggest things we can do to activate people is to really re evaluate the goal line. Where where is it you want to go and and really challenge people on what the metric of life is? I got an email. A friend of mine sent me this thing. Oh, sign up for this. It's a Tony Robbins. The guy's name is Louis House, H A. W E S. And Louis House is a very famous podcaster. Ah, greatness, seminars, all those wonderful things. It's got some great points. He's got some wonderful points. But when I read through all of his communications, the carrot at the end of it is follow my path and you will have financial success. And financial success is awesome. It is freedom. It is independence. But it's in my estimation. In my humble estimation, it's not the end goal, and we can do this without having the driver for this being that you and I are going to get wealthy by just having a conversation, I'm going to get rich by finding my heart and following what I want to do in this great big world.

spk_1:   18:01
Yeah, I mean, just listen. I mean, the money can't buy happiness, but it lets you park your yacht right next to it. Yeah, I mean, money is good. I like money and I want when I have money to do what I want to do. Um, but it's not. It's not the goal line, as you say, and I have dear friends that I truly love and that are suffering, and they're in their fifties now, and they're just not, you know, it's not quite clicking, and there's just not a lot of money in the bank account, and months and months air tight and it gets tiring. It's exhausting and in that room. In that context, you know this idea of the paradox that so many people are struggling to maintain? Um, I think it is. It's maybe time for a lot of us to take a look and just recognize that maybe we don't need to live, you know, in a 58 $10,000 to rent apartment. And maybe we don't need to just suffer every day in a job. You know, again, I hear myself sounding redundant in our conversation because this is our six episode. But the bottom line of that is, is that what you're doing? Struggling to kind of stay still, stay still and keep the current from taking you backward. That's not life that's not living. That's not a successful life. So coming back to the paradigm of success, you're not succeeding. And maybe you just have to get on entirely different channel, an entirely different way where you don't need that much money and the kids have a simpler life and everyone kind of finds free things to do there that are beautiful. I mean that in Costa Rica we serve and we walk on the beach and you know it's all free. I mean, it's a it's a cheap life, and there's other ways to do things. So that's really the point in terms of that paradigm. And it's it's a tough one. It's tough, it's big, it's we're all plugged in and we all get it. Be 50 years old and you just plugged in and a lot of places. It's hard to just pull all the plugs out and run away, so I get it. But what you gotta do

spk_0:   19:56
back Teoh the video that my son sent me of his great party weekend, the currency that they had at the end of the weekend. Dad, the video was posted on bar stool, and that was good enough that as gold man, they have that that that to me, you know, warms my heart even even when I say Gosh, you know, Come on, man, just have a little more responsibility than that than having hundreds of people in front of your apartment and a couch in your front yard and everybody with their phones watching it. I jump, jump, jump. I love it, I hate it. But, golly, you know, live your life. And in their endgame was toe. Have another party the next weekend?

spk_1:   20:45
Yeah, they're winning. They're winning.

spk_0:   20:47
They're totally winning. And I don't want Teoh. I don't want to discourage that in any way, shape or form so that

spk_1:   20:53
you're doing a good job there. Dad, you're doing a good job. You know, you're keeping. You're keeping your distance, But you got your eye on the prize. It's it's good you're worried.

spk_0:   21:01
And I think that Ah, living my life like this, telling my kids I'm getting out of this because I don't find it amusing anymore is something healthy too. So I think that what we do as parents obviously is going to be. I know that you have so many things that you are a role model for your kids, their artistic. They're they're open to exploring themselves. I really value that, too. And that's important way to get that going. You talk about how do we do this? Well, you're doing it with your Children right now.

spk_1:   21:34
It is. Listen another thing, it's like if you're just sort of stacking up pros and cons of like swan diving, I mean, one of the things that's a big pro that you don't even really think about. It's sort of like secondhand smoke is your kids get to see you do that. Yeah. And your ma playing some like Kahoe neighs and your modeling some some, some, you know, real deep introspection and your modeling just, um, the willingness to really step up and lean in. And I think that's that's not something. You sit down with your kid and say so. So I don't want to follow your heart, you know, I've got your back and go get him. I mean, you could say that all day long, but you could do it. And whether you totally like hit the, you know, the main immediate. At 90 miles an hour total explodes in a ball of fire. At least your kid got to see you like to see that his parents, like, had the courage and the big insight and the wisdom. And, you know, Theo elevation Teoh chase something that was important. And that is another huge benefit that we don't really think about directly. But you're whether it's your Children, your modeling for or your your peer group or your best friend or your siblings or your parents. You know, It's a good thing to show people like what? Like someone with a really, really clear, true North looks like when they activate. That's a beautiful thing to see.

spk_0:   22:59
And and it's so much fun now as I go forward to program myself with my time and the buckets, I'm I'm choosing to Phil. I'm sure you have a couple of very interesting projects on your desk right now that you choose to engage anything you want toe talk about right now. That's really

spk_1:   23:19
on my way. Tomorrow morning, the Los Angeles for the Four Freedoms Congress, which is the first gathering of it's gonna be over 500 artists and institute creative institutions, museums, etcetera, coming together to really just commune become a community. A lot of us have worked together remotely and never met, and and also to look forward at the 2020 at the elections and how we can use creative, you know, power Teoh, for messaging to to take the world forward to help the world evolve. And so that's that. That's this weekend and that just so excited to go there and just soak up these beautiful deep, you know, activated people, Um, and building a studio, you know, in a new home in the mountains of Costa Rica that I can start painting and, you know, and a few months from now and so I got a lot. I've got a lot of I've got some Tim, some cinders that I'm fanning right now.

spk_0:   24:14
How did you get involved? How did you get involved in that organization?

spk_1:   24:19
Uh, just serendipity. Back in 2016 I was invited by a fellow artist, a friend. He was who had become one of the leaders that four freedoms. And he wanted a big mural project in Wynwood in Miami, which is where the street art is. And I ended up being part of this 100 foot mural with a number of other very talented artists. And so that was the entree. And then that they did the the 50 State Initiative in 2018 which was all the billboards leading up to to the midterms. And I was one of those billboards, and and so, yeah, and now you know, Then I had a big lead. A town hall in a talk at the Pam in Miami, as you know, has all been part of the same kind of ongoing conversation. So this deep, it's beautiful. It's definitely It's definitely something I'm really proud of in my career. And most importantly, it's just a group of of a circle of people that keeps growing out, were rapidly of people that I can grow and learn so much from and with. And I'm just going there to just, you know, really just receive perceive the power, the message, the intelligence, the wisdom, the creative activity that you know the courage and just just fill it up.

spk_0:   25:32
Doors open and you're walking across the bridge is you built and that's it. I mean, that's it. And I see it happening right now with me. I hope that I can have some similar success. But I know that I have a very nice Kadre of people that I can draw on. And it sounds like that's what happened to you. And that's Pete keeping you forward. The other thing, too, about Ah, the other interesting sidebar note about when I talk about this. Ah, lot of people don't have an idea of what they're going to do with their time when they have their own time for you. You're fortunate you have your buckets filled for me. I have several buckets that I'm jacked up about. Ah, working with and filling. But I think that that's homework for other people. What is it where

spk_1:   26:21
it is so working? It is homework. And here's what I would say to the people that are about to do that. Homework be reckless, you know, do silly stuff. Don't have it all. Don't Don't have it out listed out. Don't make a spreadsheet like What do you want to do? Tomorrow morning when you wake up, you want to play guitar? You want to go for a run? You want to do nothing in line your bed and looked at the ceiling to be like God, I haven't slept in in the last 40 years. Um, I mean, give yourself some gifts and do some things that are purely, purely joyful and purely delightful. Heard a podcast recently about delight. Um, and, uh, a woman who had a really hard, hard life. She she was married for 50 years, and her husband eventually died, and she took care of him at the end. Using it was a Japanese from a culture that was fairly subservient. A za woman in her generation and her husband died and she grieved terribly for several years. But then she finally was three. She was, like, really free, and she was talking to her daughter about how she just felt delightful. Didn't have anything to do. You should know when to take care of. She didn't have to make a meal, should have to do anything, and it's a little bit sort of a tangent here. But the point simply is wake up with a totally different like worldview for a minute and just be indulgent. Be selfish. Do this thing you want to do, and I still to this day think like sitting like late laying on the couch in the middle of the day, reading a book that I'm enjoying and falling asleep and using like the better part of ST 90 Minutes. Doing all of the above is one of life's true is richest luxuries, and I urge everyone to do it without shame and without guilt. Just enjoy it and indulge. So do that people indulge

spk_0:   28:07
That's so good that is so good. And that's being present to you know, another crazy thing. Do another crazy thing. Send a friend a microphone and do a podcast

spk_1:   28:18
or hey, allocating side. Send your friends postcards and hand written letters.

spk_0:   28:24
I had a letter.

spk_1:   28:25
Expensive. Yeah. You spend some time. You don't know what to do. I'll tell you what. Write me a letter. I love getting letters. Write me a letter and there's something for your first thing to do is to write Ron and me both. Write him a postcard. Write me a letter.

spk_0:   28:38
Hey, speaking of which, this week, I received a letter from myself. I went to Israel with the Mo Mentum Group in November and the last day we were there, we wrote Ah note to ourselves of things we're gonna dio things were going to dio and with that, they sent it to you three months in the future. I thought it was

spk_1:   28:58
being in a

spk_0:   28:58
fascinating way to do it. I read it and I was like, Wow, number one. You received a note from yourself in your own writing. That's trippy. Number two. You read the things that you wrote three months ago and there are things on there that I I held up to and there are things on there that I didn't yet one of them that I'm proud that I held up on as I was gonna lean really hard into my family and really invest myself in those relationships. Because in life, sometimes you turn away, particularly when you're doing something like this. Man, I'm a moody son of a bitch because I've been going through a lot. Going through this and to turn into the people that you love and that love you is a really important thing to Dio. And so that was one of things I said to myself. And the other thing was, toe live with intention. And part of that intention is putting that right shoe on first. And I don't know why that stuck with me, but really taking that time, that conscious effort to just say I'm going to do something nice for someone else today, and it starts by me putting my right shoe on first. And I

spk_1:   30:09
said, Yeah,

spk_0:   30:10
and I've been following through on it. So write yourself a letter to yourself and postmarks. Three months in the future.

spk_1:   30:18
Yeah, yeah. Not to steal your thunder on that idea, but it burning man, some Maybe 15 years ago, my T friends Scott and Cheryl Respect did a post office where they mailed your yourself a letter. You wrote a letter and they mailed it to you five years later, which they did. And I got your letter five years later and they saved everyone's letters and addresses it. So one of the better art projects I've seen. But, dear point man, write yourself a letter, people. Ron knows what he's talking about.

spk_0:   30:47
It. Well, it's You know what? Getting messy. Do something crazy. Just do something outside the norm. I think that's a great idea, right? You're freaking kids. A letter, for gosh sakes, and post it in five years. All of these. All of these. Good conversation, man. The dive takes us in so many different directions. I appreciate having this conversation with you. I appreciate just going out there and doing something different. Over the last several weeks, I've created a website. I've edited down these damn things. We've licensed some music. I've done all these things that I haven't ever done before. I didn't do it right. I probably didn't do it the easiest way. It probably took me some more time, But damn it, it got done.

spk_1:   31:34
Uttered. And

spk_0:   31:36
it's that that that's just getting messy is just half the battle, and you will always be able to clean yourself. You'll always be able to fix yourself. That isn't course if you didn't run into the law. 90 miles. That's the exception.

spk_1:   31:53
E understood. Always a pleasure, bro.

spk_0:   31:57
Yes, sir. Love used to,

spk_1:   32:00
and I you?