Overcoming Self-Doubt and Leading in Education Despite Adversity

Ever wondered how the iron will of an educator bends and molds in the face of adversity, or how self-doubt creeps into the minds of even the greatest leaders? We promise to take you on an enlightening journey through the complexities of leadership in the education sector. We kick things off by decoding the term 'humble' and its implications in our daily life, reflecting on the delicate balance between confidence and humility. The candid conversation then strides into the challenges of the initial school days, interspersed with intriguing anecdotes of my fellow educators. We wrap up this segment by peering into the crystal ball of the remaining school days, painting a vivid picture of real-life incidents.

On the flip side, we unmask the hardships of school administration, a world that often grapples with the daunting task of reversing years of underperformance amidst pressures from all sides. The conversation takes a deeper turn as we lay out effective strategies to combat self-doubt. We take a leaf out of the lives of historic figures, like Jesus Christ, who dealt with doubt yet left an indelible mark on humanity. The toolbox includes self-talk and journaling, tools that can help us navigate through uncertainties. The secret sauce? Vulnerability! Acceptance and understanding of our doubts, a step that takes us forward in the quest for success. This episode is a rich tapestry of insights and reflections on overcoming self-doubt and thriving despite adversity. Come, tune in!

Chapters

• 0:00 Leading Through Adversity and Facing Doubt
• 7:30 The Struggles of School Leadership
• 12:59 Strategies for Dealing With Self-Doubt

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

When they see me. They know that every day, when I'm breathing, it's for us to go farther. You know, every time I speak, I want the truth to come out. You know I'm saying every time I speak I want to shiver. You know I don't want them to be like. They know what I'm gonna say, cuz it's polite. They know what I'm gonna say and even if I get in trouble, you know I'm saying that ain't that what we're supposed to do? It's. I'm not saying I'm gonna rule the world or I'm gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world. And that's our job. It's to spark somebody else watching us. We might not be the ones, but let's not be selfish. And because we're not gonna change the world, let's not talk about how we should change it. I don't know how to change it, but I know, if I keep talking about how dirty it is out here, somebody gonna clean it up. And now he's been promoted his job principal.

Speaker 2: 0:56

What's going on, folks? This is Uche and Joku snicker, principal, and it is September 12th, tuesday. By 9 30 it's been a long day. So I'm up roughly about 4 30 every morning and it's how I function. I gotta get up early and do my thing and At least a very long days I didn't get home to about 6 30.

Speaker 2: 1:22

I was pushing actually more like 7 30 but, um, you know, this is the lack of chosen as a school leader. Some people might say, you know that is too much. You shouldn't be. You know, you better have a work-life balance. But the work requires that I am on and focus to commit to what I do. So, um, it's what it is. So, all of those, your school leaders out there, you know data are working. This step of life, honestly, I love it. But, um, some people don't, but those of you do love it. You know I'm talking about right.

Speaker 2: 1:57

So I want to first start off by Sharing with you something that I came across Risk recently. You know, I think it was probably late night and couldn't sleep. I'm kind of like, you know, that bad habit of going through social media and I came across a video that blew my mind, and this video they were defining the word humble. As many of you know, many of us were raised to be humble. We're being told be humble. That's a, that's a tremendous trait, that's an amazing Ability to have to be humble. And this video Somebody was defining the word humble and the context was the power of words and how we Marry ourselves towards two certain words and not realize what the word really means. So it's interesting. I have never, ever in my 47 years of life, actually read the definition of the word humble, but I was raised to be humble. I was told that that was the thing to be and that's how you, how you got it respect by being humble. So me and reach you with the definition of humble. It says here humble adjective having or showing a modest or or Low estimate of one's own importance. One more time it's an adjective and the first definition here says having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance. He was humble about his stature as one of the rock history's most influential guitarist. So when you could add that example, it sounds like wow. But we know this person, we all see who this person is. So he's being humble. But the core difference of humble is actually lowering your Estimate of your own importance. Number two of low social, administrative or political rank. It's interesting why would you want to frame yourself in that capacity? Hmm, having or showing a modest or lower or low estimate of one's own importance and, and I'm sorry, one more, one more, the verb lower Someone in dignity or importance.

Speaker 2: 4:37

So it's all about making yourself small and I don't know whether that's the way you should live your life. God Didn't create us to be small. It were created in his image, if that's what you believe. If we were created as an amazing miracle of life, why would you want to be small? I understand being arrogant or cocky, or Harvard we wanted to find that, and making yourself bigger than anybody else yeah, that's, that's. That could be tasteless, but minimizing yourself Can have an impact where you start to live a very small life. So something I start about because, again, reading that definition, I don't know if I want to tell my children to be humble. I Want them to be polite, I want to be, I want them to be respectful, I want them to be confident, I want them to not be overbearing but humble, to intentionally make yourself small. I don't know about that. But hey, if you, if you, you're hearing this definition and you have a thought about it. Please share in the comments. But, um, that's something that struck me.

Speaker 2: 5:52

But let's get to today's topic and me open my notes here. So today I want to talk to you about, um, facing adversity, specifically leading through soft doubt and adversity. So we're three days into a school year, at least three days in the three days, four days. In the book it's Tuesday, so we had last Thursday, friday, monday and Tuesday, so four days into the school year. So what do we have left? 176 days. It's funny when you put it that way. But yes, four days in, and I'm hearing from a lot of my colleagues how rough it's been Not everyone, but enough where they're like man. The kids came back a little wild. Somebody told me to do it three fights, three fights on Monday, and it's only the third day of school here in New York City. And those who are struggling with all the things that were being asked to do, all the compliance things. It was just normal. But I mean, I'm 20 years in the game. I am in my third school, so as a principal, then several schools, as a system principal, so nothing is like it's so that nothing is rattling me, but but I also have experience behind me.

Speaker 2: 7:30

But I think about a lot of my colleagues who might not have as much time, or even those who are brand new and leading depending where you are especially can cause a lot of self doubt. You go into a thing to yourself I'm ready for this, I've been trained and I've been dreaming for this for for how long. And all of a sudden, now you're in the seat and you're not contending with more than just the title and the position. You're contending with people who might not necessarily believe that you deserve to be in that position, people who just naturally are adversarial and they want to do everything to make your life difficult as a school leader For some people, as a sport you know, I know a lot of principles and system principles as well. Who becomes so, who becomes so cautious and so careful and so stressed out, and they watch what they say, how they move, and they just want to get in trouble. And then you have those who know that. So they want to kind of like feed as much negativity and as much doubt in you and it takes a toll and people wonder why so many principles don't sleep for very long hours, why so many administrators leave the profession or you can step down out of the leadership Because those stressors eventually start to kind of wear, wear, wear away at your confidence.

Speaker 2: 8:53

It's that question of the thing you're doing and and everything is just hard, stressful, and it has an impact on your health. It has an impact on on the way you relate to people and your emotions, and it's tough. It's tough, you know. Let's be honest. There's a misconception that as that's the leaders not just in schools across the board that we just have together, that we just naturally born leaders or we just have that effector where we're able to do what we do with ease. But the reality is this let me tell you right now, the, the constant you know, wearing away at who you are, through people's comments and people pushing back, and the issues and the conflicts and every different things coming at you, the compliance and emails, all those things. After a while you find yourself up at 11 o'clock at night still trying to get through the emails, just trying to make sure that you didn't miss anything. And then, you know, next year, you know, you know, your eight hours become six hours, your success become four hours and some people just don't even sleep, you know, and they just it just wears at them, and it's something that is, I think, at the root of why live people just don't last in the profession.

Speaker 2: 10:27

So let me do this. First, let's start from the beginning. Let's understand stuff that you know in the high-pressure world of education, and Especially in spaces where you might be leading a school that is struggling, that maybe it's been struggling for years and this is your first opportunity to lead right. If you walk in, you're walking in there and you're like, okay, I was one of the principal, I'm gonna get this place, this school, I'll take anything. Then you walk in and you realize years and years of failure, of just let me change that years and years of low performance so let's not say failure, low performance and you're like at the beginning of thinking I can turn this around. And you get in there and you notice it's not just academics, it's a cultural thing. The school itself, the community itself, have just kind of accepted this as what it is. And now you're thinking to yourself, wow, I thought I took a job to turn academics around. Then you realize, no, I gotta turn perceptions and culture around. But then it's not just the kids, it's teachers, it might be the community and parents. They realize your job that you thought that you were in there to just move Academics becomes no.

Speaker 2: 11:43

You're changing what might feel like changing the whole entire world and it's on your shoulders and you're being assessed, you're being watched, you're being literally told, in sometimes the most boldest of ways, that you can't fail, like everything is on you right now as individual, turning around years and years and years of what has been that you're gonna come in and make that something else. Once you're sitting there in your own space quietly, you're thinking about. You start to really be like what did I get myself into and what that does. That's self-doubt starts to creep in and you fight it. You push it into the dark spaces of your consciousness and you're like no, I'm gonna put it in that corner. But then every time something happens, that is, in the space of negativity, that self-doubt becomes a voice and saying maybe you can do this, maybe you took a bigger bite than you can chew All these different things starts to kind of like you know well up in you.

Speaker 2: 12:59

But the one of the things that I've learned is this self-doubt is always gonna be there, even me after all the years. There's always those moments where I'm just like, did I make the right decision? Oh, wow, did I miss something? Oh, I did that. Oh my God, did I mess that up? But I learned a long time ago to recognize, hear the voice and have that conversation with myself. Sometimes you gotta talk to that voice. You messed up. Oh my God, you're in trouble. How did I mess up? What am I in trouble for? What is it that happened? That cannot be fixed? Oh, that happened. Well, I don't know how to fix it. I'm gonna reach out for help. I'm gonna talk to someone.

Speaker 2: 13:41

You know, all those conversations are very important in countering those moments of doubt. Right, and it's one of the things that I have turned to a superpower. I do not ignore that voice in my head. You know, sometimes, driving to work in the morning, music is off, everything's turned up and I'm just thinking, I'm processing, I'm asking myself what is it that I'm afraid of? What is it that is making me doubt myself? And I work it out. Often we forget that it's important to find that quiet space and just listen to yourself and then respond to yourself, come up with solutions. You know, if you're able to stop and write down in journal, you journal, you know, you unpack it.

Speaker 2: 14:32

And this is something that's been very important to me, because one of the things I like to read a lot of biographies about from leaders and historical figures, and I've not come across one that didn't suffer from some level of self-doubt. One of my favorite historical figures is Jesus Christ, because you see this man who was framed as being perfect in every way, his knowledge of self, the way he interacted with the world, you know the way he taught, the way he supported, the way he healed, all these things that he did, they were just miraculous and so amazing and people were like I want to be just like him. But in the hours before he was arrested, as he knelt and prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, he doubted. He said this is too much. God, please take this cup away from me. And I'm paraphrased.

Speaker 2: 15:38

I'm not a minister or anything like that, but I'm thinking back to this Bible school, sunday school stories. I'm thinking to myself if this is God in the flesh, why is he doubting? But then you realize, doubt is part of the human existence. I was greatest leaders, I was greatest performers, I was greatest artists, I was greatest thinkers. All doubted themselves. But it's that self-talk, mind you. He used to think right, he was talking, he was praying, he was talking to himself or talking to God. How have you been a prophet? We had a conversation and then, when the time came, he was ready.

Speaker 2: 16:25

Doubt is part of the human condition. It's just something that we have to deal with. But for you to be able to deal with it, you have to be able to be vulnerable. You have to be willing to just accept and understand. This is what this is, because you can't have self-doubt and then try to ignore it and not see for what it is. Unpack it and try to get to the root of what is causing it and you might realize OK, I'm doubting myself. Maybe I'm afraid that I wasn't ready for this. Maybe I'm afraid because I just don't do well speaking in public. I'm not a great good communicator. But once you recognize these things, you will be vulnerable enough to unpack that. Then, if I feel I'm not a good communicator, how do I become a better communicator? If I'm dealing with fear of whatever this thing may be, how do I not deal with that? What is it that can take? But you have to be vulnerable to accept that that is what it is, and then you'll be able to find a solution or at least work towards it. So let me share with you some strategies here on how to deal with self-doubt during adversity.

Speaker 2: 17:51

Number one set realistic expectation for yourself. You're not perfect, you will never be perfect, so why do you walk into spaces with this persona of perfection? If anything, it's the lie, and the thing about lies. Lies have a way of becoming their own creatures, their own beings, and those beings start to whisper You're not really who you say you are. You're not really able to do that thing as good as you think you are. Then, ultimately, what happens is the self-doubt kicks in. You start to doubt yourself because you're telling yourself that you're not good enough. So set realistic expectations.

Speaker 2: 18:48

As a leader, this is what I'm good at. These are the things that I struggle in. This is why I need help, and you build your team around you, honestly, around those things. There are things that I'm great at. There are things you know what. It's a little bit of a struggle. I've done them enough times that I'm like, ok, I'm proficient at. But if I could get somebody on my team who's better than me on that, why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I? I don't want to lead as a jack of all trades and master of none. I want to be able to hone in on the things that I know that I am great at, because by honing on those things I'm not even doing anything else. But by honing what I'm great at, I can find people who can complement my areas that might not be as strong, because I always tell my leadership team if it's two of us, we're a two-headed principle. Eight of us, we're a eight-headed principle. We're like Voltron we all connect and become the mighty giant robot. They exercise all these abilities Because every facet of my team is powerful. Together, you can't stop us. That's how I become more confident and main myself, because I know that I have my basis covered.

Speaker 2: 20:12

The other thing, too, is this Seek mentorship, and that's one of the hardest things that's been for me. I'm fortunate to know a lot of people, and I struggle to ask them for help. It's just one of those things I think is part of the human condition. But over the years, I know who to call. I can say, hey, can you help me with this? Can I talk this through this with you? And you might be watching this video right now and you know who you are or who you are plural that I've reached out to to say this is what's happening. What do you think? Even right now, there's a couple of things in my school where I'm just like I need a little bit more wisdom in this, and sometimes the person who has to answer the potential for me in the right direction might not even be a fellow principal. It might be an assistant principal, it might be a dean, it might be a teacher that I know who just knows more about that thing, and mentorship doesn't have to be somebody who's above you. It could be somebody who just more skilled at something than you are. So you want to make sure you put value into your learning and from others who've traveled the path that you're on.

Speaker 2: 21:29

The other thing, too, is self-reflection. You got to meditate, you got to take the situation that happened and sit down and unpack them. That makes sense of them. If you handle it the right way, great. If you didn't, what can you do better next time? That's be something that you become really good at, that self-reflection listening to yourself, talking to yourself, then reflecting on like what did you hear? Why did you hear that? How can you fix this? What needs to happen next? These are very, very powerful things to engage in. That's why I say journal.

Speaker 2: 22:02

I'm not a big journaler. I mean, let me take that back. I can when I need to, but sometimes I just sit eyes closed and breathe and just breathe until I forget that I'm breathing and my mind takes me to places where I can actually walk through what happened. I can stand in the room and see the interactions or see the incidents or see women, kind of like the eagles' view from the sky, look down and say, huh, if I had done this, move this over here, maybe not done this, or maybe put these people right places, it might have been different. And then I acknowledge it. I say, ok, I see what happened. Now, next time is the game plan Over and better yet. This is how I can fix it. So self-reflection. So again, the first thing set realistic expectations of yourself.

Speaker 2: 23:02

Seek mentorship and also acknowledge sometimes it might be a peer, it might be a subordinate. Seek the people who know, regardless of their station in life, because you don't have all the answers, and be mindful and engage in self-reflection. You know you have to remember that self-doubt is just a temporary state. You know it's literally temporary unless you dwell on it and you give it such a big stage that you just have it there all the time. But if you choose, it should really be temporary, because if you go through the process that I share with you, all of a sudden you start to see OK, all right, I see what happened. Once you see what happened, you have a solution. Guess what? The doubt is gone, but you know what to do next time. You know it just being something else, but in time there are less and less and less doubts because you become more and more capable of handling multiple situations. Let's talk about adversity and closing.

Speaker 2: 24:13

Adversity comes in many forms. It might be trying to balance your own personal life with your work life. It might be trying to balance out the personalities that you're leading. It might be a shocker, something with your health. It could be something with your school community. You know I've shared this in the past that the last school year that I let in the school, you started off with one of my students being murdered, and it's something to be said about being with people that you admire and you've developed a bond with, and then it's passed away from you. Then you're in spaces where everything around you reminds you of them. Then you're in spaces where you become afraid that wait a minute, am I going to lose another kid? Am I going to lose somebody? Am I going to lose another person? That's part of my sphere, my community, my family. Adversity can be a mother. Let's be honest, it is. It is, but you have to remember this.

Speaker 2: 25:26

If you address adversity the right way, you can grow from it. You can become more resilient. Just from that one incident the way I move now I'm so much more aware about the importance of the work that I do as a leader, if I learn anything from that, because you can't save everyone. You can be there for every situation, but, however, you can learn from adversity to better empower yourself and those around you so you don't have to repeat the same mistakes that you've made or that you've seen. I mean, think about this. Think about the challenges you've had in your career. Think about the challenges you have in your life that you've actually been able to overcome. Were you worse from it or were you better? When you can overcome adversity or those challenges?

Speaker 2: 26:24

you become better. It doesn't mean it didn't suck. It doesn't mean that you might not be still suffering some trauma from it which could still be addressed. But once you come out of something, you're always a little bit better, or at least a little more equipped to handle such situations. Not all the time, but most of the time.

Speaker 2: 26:50

Adversity can be an opportunity in disguise. Remember that Adversity can be an opportunity in disguise. Embrace it. I remember new skills, I'm sorry, I'm sorry and remember you're not alone in facing it. You know, and if you're alone in facing adversity, it's because you've chosen to. You know you've chosen to. You don't have to be alone in adversity.

Speaker 2: 27:25

All right, yeah, I hope this is helpful for someone out there because, um, yeah, this is part of this part of journey of leading, whether you're a principal, assistant principal, your teacher leader, your team leader, your parent, your spouse, you know these are, these are, this is, this is life. You know. Yes, I'm addressing from the point of being a, being a school leader, but I know that it's going to someone listening to this right now that hopefully this is helping. Yeah, I will forget to do this. Please do not forget to subscribe. Click on the notification bell. So when I put a post about a new video, you come across it. But even more so, leave a comment, because I love reading comments and I and I like to know that that the things I'm saying is impact at least even one person. And would that be inside?

Speaker 1: 28:16

Is that?

Speaker 2: 28:16

time for me to go to bed. Actually, I got to do me about two or three emails, but now it could wait until morning, all right. With that being said, have an amazing, amazing night and until next time be well, all right, thank you.