Brian Berneman: 0:04

Have you ever wondered where the problems in the world today would exist if we have deeper connection to ourselves, others and the environment and acted

Dr John Demartini: 0:12

from that place? Welcome

Brian Berneman: 0:14

to the Conscious Action Podcast with your host Brian Berneman, who believes that connection is the key to taking conscious action as individuals and creating a better world. We are here to raise awareness and inspire meaningful action by sharing stories, knowledge, and conversations. With thought leaders and change makers, from sustainability to wellbeing,

Dr John Demartini: 0:34

and everything related to conscious living, our mission is to empower you

Brian Berneman: 0:38

to be the change that you wanna see in the world. Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Conscious Action Podcast. I am Brian Berneman, your host, and I have the pleasure to be joined all the way at this moment from Texas in the USA by Dr. John Demartini. Thank you so much for, for being here, for taking the time for this conversation. And as always, I'm going to invite you to share with everyone that is watching and listening to us. Who are you?

Dr John Demartini: 1:14

In a few words, um, the best way to describe me is I'm a researcher, a writer, teacher who travels the world, sharing anything and everything that I can get my hands on that could be of value to people. In the area of self mastery and, you know, doing something meaningful in your life that inspires you. I've been doing it for over 50 years. November will be 51 years. And I, I love it. I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing. I started doing it when I was 18. I'm going on 69 now. So I've been doing it a while.

Brian Berneman: 1:55

Wow. Wow. That's amazing. I'm, I'm, I'm really curious. And I know some of your, your story, but for everyone that is listening, um, I always find, you know, stories like, like yours, um, inspiring that enables us to connect with something inside of us and our own story to actually find that self mastery or that extraordinary life. Um, so before we get into, into that, can you share a little bit about. Your story and your childhood and what led you to be doing this.

Dr John Demartini: 2:32

Okay. Um, I was born in 1954, November 25th, Thanksgiving Day, and I had an arm and leg that was twisted inward. And so when I started to stand up at a year old, a little over a year, I would fall over. So I had to go into braces. I had to wear a leg brace and arm brace when I was about a year and a half old. I also had a speech impediment. I wasn't making proper sound. So I had to use buttons and strings and go to a speech pathologist. By the time I was in first grade, I had Discovered that reading wasn't going to work. I had dyslexia and no matter what I did, I just didn't get any sense out of the words. I mean, I could, I could write, I wrote with my hand turned inwards. I wrote kind of backwards and I wrote odd, but then I would try to get a sense out of a symbol or a syllable or whatever. It just wasn't, dyslexia wasn't making it happen. So my first grade teacher asked my parents to come to school and they wanted, she wanted to discuss it and I was there in this little reading circle with them. And they, she said to my parents, I'm afraid your son's got learning disabilities. He's not able to read. I don't think he's going to be able to read or write or communicate effectively. So he's probably not going to go very far in life or amount to much. So that was my first grade teacher. I never got to ever thank her. Cause that was exactly what I needed at the time, but never got to thank her. She, she died before I got to ever say thank you. But. I ended up going through elementary school by asking very smart kids that I befriended. What did they learn outta the class? What did they get outta the book and what did they get from the lesson? And as long as they would speak it, I would get some of the information. But reading it wasn't working and pronouncing it, just listening it, I could get something. And so I was able to kind of get by in school a little bit to elementary school, but then I started to go at age 12, my parents moved from Houston, Texas to Richmond, Texas. And I went to a low socioeconomic area and there wasn't any smart kids and I failed. And so I dropped out of school at 13. I was, I was, I left home and became a street kid. So I basically didn't learn to read really until I was 18. And I lived, first I lived, you know, in the Houston area, Houston, Texas. Where I happen to be visiting now'cause my daughter got married yesterday, , but I also went out to Freeport the beach and was a surfer and then I, at 14 I hitchhiked to California and down into Mexico, which is a bit odd for most 14 year olds. At 15, I moved to Hawaii by myself and I lived under a bridge and then I lived in a park bench. Uh, then I lived in a bathroom and then I lived in an abandoned car and I kept social climbing and I just. Was a long haired hippie surfer kid that was doing my thing in Hawaii, surfing waves. until I nearly died at 17, almost 18. And then at a, somebody told me I needed to go take a yoga class because I had strychnine poisoning and a number of other problems. And I went to this yoga class, and there was a special guest speaker named Paul C. Bragner. And he did this amazing presentation one night and inspired me that night to believe that I could overcome my learning problems and someday be able to read and pronounce and speak properly and write. And I set out on a dream that night, pretty well to do what I'm doing today. And it was a slow, real slow, steady process to get there. I mean, I had to go and memorize 30 words a day. And in a dictionary to learn how to pronounce properly and I have to write them and I have to recite them. And my mom would test me. When I moved back to Texas at 18, I had my mom help me by practicing 30 words a day until my vocabulary was strong enough to pass and to read. And then once I learned I could read and I could, I mean, I gained 20, 000 words in two years, memorizing that much, memorize a dictionary basically. And my reading took off and the rest of it was, went from there. I just started reading and reading, reading, reading 18, 20 hours a day and, uh, gone on to school. And I ended up. And I overcame my speaking by speaking. You learn to play the flute by playing the flute. I just practice speaking and speaking and speaking and speaking and speaking. I've done probably an average of 300 to 365 presentations over 50 years. Every, every, uh, every year. I just speak every opportunity I get.

Brian Berneman: 7:40

That's amazing. Thank you, John, for sharing your story. No, I think I'll. One of the things when, when I was first introduced to your life story is the understanding of our own capabilities that we have, and regardless of our circumstances and our conditions, um, as well, and age. That there's things that, you know, like society might tell us at a certain point when to hit some benchmarks and things like that, yet we all go at our own pace and we go to whatever it is that, that is the thing for us. And sometimes as you're saying, like, I love what you're saying about your first grade teacher, you know, like thanking her for saying something like that. Whereas most people would still resent her. No,

Dr John Demartini: 8:32

no, no, no. I, when I discovered I could read, that was one of the most amazing moments, really amazing moment. And write, cause I've written a lot. I've done, you know, a lot of books, probably 300 now. And, and, uh, and travel. I've, I've gone over 20 million miles on travel and I've sailed on my ship. Uh, who knows, maybe 2 million miles. I mean, I've been traveling full time. And so everything she said, I would never read. I figured out how to do it. Never write. I keep doing it. Uh, never mount anything. I'm, uh, more than financially independent today. I'm in that ultra high net worth position today. And so I would never communicate. I've reached billions of people now with radio, television, newspaper, magazines, articles, movies, you name it. Everything she said I wouldn't be able to do, I was blessed to be able to do. And it wasn't in spite of her. It was just that she was the perfect individual to say exactly what she needed to do for me to do what I'm doing. And all I can say is, thank you. I just never got to say thank you, except in my mind. I say it in my head, but wow, she was, what she was saying was true at the time. You know, she was saying, I don't know, we don't have the capacities to know how to help him read, you know, but at the same time, I, I figured it out. I had to drive and it was because I met Paul Bragg, who inspired me to believe I could overcome those kinds of things. I never, if I hadn't met him, I don't know if I would have done that. I might've been making surfboard still.

Brian Berneman: 10:16

It's so interesting. You know, I often find with what you're saying. I see so, so many people, you know, on the last 15 years that I've been, that I've been teaching and sharing that they are stuck in thinking that they are who they are and the things that are their patterns of behavior or their tendencies, that that's them and, and that's fixed and that there's no way that they can change that. And that's, you know, it's like, okay, those who are the cars that were drawn. And, and that's it. And I'm like, all the time, well, my cards were drawn in one way, and I live a very different life now, so we can change. And when we take responsibility as well for our songs, we can go back to that place of power. Like a lot of times I talk about, you know, taking responsibility. to stop being the victim of our circumstances and to take control because we do have that power. So can you share a little bit around that? Yeah.

Dr John Demartini: 11:26

Yeah. You just said it. I, you know, we can be victims of history. We can be masters of destiny. It's totally up to the priorities. You know, everybody has a set of priorities and values in life. If you live by the highest priorities, you start to awaken a power inside. If you live by lower priorities, you become victim of history. It's totally up to you. And that you have control over. You have control of your perceptions, decisions, and actions, not what happens to you, but you can change your perception of what happens to you. So I do that every week. I mean, I had a guy today that was in a consult, fantastic guy, uh, who had done something in his earlier part of his life. That he felt guilty about. And I said, well, do you want to carry that around the rest of your life or do you want to dissolve it? Well, can you dissolve guilt? I said, of course you can. Guilt is an assumption that you have done something in the past with your motor actions or your memory that has initiated more drawbacks and benefits or more pain and pleasure, more loss and gain and more disadvantage and advantage to somebody in your mind. It's not what's true. It's just what's in your mind. And he said, well, how do I do it? I said, what did you do that you're feeling guilty about? He said, well, it's hard to say. I said, well, if you tell me, I can help you dissolve it. So he said it. And it was not really anything that a lot of people hadn't done. It's just kind of something common. So, but he was carrying around it because he was indoctrinated by a very religious moral, uh, You know, narrow view and therefore he's now bad. And so he's trapped because these moral hypocrisies can trap people. I said, I said, so how did it, who did you think you affected? Well, this person, that person, this person. I said, good. So how did it help them? Well, it didn't. I said, I didn't ask that. I said, how did it help them? Well, I don't see it. I didn't ask that. How did it help them? How did it help them spiritually? How did it help them in their business? How did it help their career? And we came up with about 25 answers. And he goes, he goes, I never even thought to look there. I don't feel guilty about that person. I said, well, let's go to the next person. How did it help them? And we went through all three people. And then how did it help yourself? That you did that. When he got through, he got tears in his eyes. He goes, I don't feel ashamed or guilty about it. I see you've been hiding that all these years. He goes, yeah. I said, right now, if somebody came up to you, could you tell them about it and see how it helped people? Yeah. I said, well, then you've been carrying around an unnecessary shame and guilt because you compared yourself to an idealism that's delusional. And then you thought, well, it was all drawbacks without benefits, which is not possible. We've all had events in life that we think is terrible. And later in our life, we go, thank you, that happened. So we just haven't looked. And once he looked in an hour, it was over with, not even an hour, 45 minutes, it was over with, done. And he was going, I'm not ashamed. And I said, no, I can, I can talk about it now and don't have any guilt about it. I said, no. We carry around that illusion. And every time we do, then we compensate with altruistic behaviors to feel better about ourselves, or we end up sacrificing profits because we feel unworthy or all this other stuff, or we create autoimmune responses because we're self depreciating. None of that's necessary. And sometimes we compare ourselves to other people and envy them and imitate them and try to be somebody we're not, be second at somebody else instead of first being who we are and hold ourselves back from our own magnificence. None of that's necessary. You can actually walk a path of authenticity and do something extraordinary with your life. If you apply principles that stand the test of time that anybody can learn and anybody can apply. There's nothing you've been through in your life that has to stop you from doing something extraordinary. Nothing. There's nothing a mortal body can experience that the mortal soul can't love.

Brian Berneman: 15:02

I want to touch on a couple of things that you mentioned there, but the first one is you just mentioned that word extraordinary. And I would love for you to expand on that because Like, I have my own understanding and definition of what makes an extraordinary life. I would love to, to hear yours.

Dr John Demartini: 15:22

Well, an ordinary life is average. So anything beyond average would be extraordinary in a sense. But you know, majority of people try to fit in instead of stand out. Ernest Becker wrote a book, a Pulitzer Prize winning book, The Denial of Death. He said that many people are frightened of death. It's a major anxiety. So they create one of two pathways called immortality projects. One is the path of individual immortality project, where they go out and do something original that's creative, that's unborrowed, that leaves a mark in the world, that changes history. And the others are the ones that fit into society and try to be part of the collective because of fear of rejection. And they're the ones that you don't even hear about. There's no, there's no nothing left in history about them. He says, you have a choice. You can fit in or you can stand out. You can subordinate or you can superordinate or ordinate. You have whatever you want, but just know that if you have the fear of rejection for people out there, that means you're giving power to their opinion of you more than your own. And as long as their opinion of you is more important than your own, you're going to hold yourself back from speaking out. And being heard and get out and do something. Now I've asked people, millions of people, how many want to make a difference? They all put their hand up. Every one of them, even in a prison, at Kruger's door prison, 1, 000 inmates, they're there for maximum security for 25 years, life sentence. They all had their hands up. Doesn't matter where they are. Everybody wants to make a difference, but you can't make a difference fitting in. Not easily. You make a difference standing out. So you have the courage to be yourself. Cause you're going to lose yourself trying to subordinate to somebody else and trying to fit in. And, you know, Ralph Waldo Emerson said it really nicely when he said envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide. It's, it's, it's entropy. It's a breakdown instead of negativity, which is life. So giving yourself permission to be, and that doesn't mean be disrespectful. It doesn't mean be an anti society thing. It means stand out and do something that's deeply meaningful. That's inspiring to you and give yourself permission to go pursue that. Prioritize your life according to what's meaningful and delegate lower priority things. Give people opportunities to help you and do something that's meaningful that contributes. There's more fulfillment there than it is any other thing. Yeah.

Brian Berneman: 17:51

You know, I, I often say to people, we're all unique. Why? Would we, which is what society is telling us to be normal, to all be the same, to all do similar things. It's like, why would I want to do that when I am unique, I am original and all that I need to do is to be me. I don't need to be you, like you are you, like I'm great and, and, you know, and I can find inspiration and I can find learnings and I can, you know, um, use, as you're saying, like we're part. Of the collective yet. We are unique. So how can we enable ourselves to, as you're saying, how the courage to stand out and to be ourselves, even if people might say something about us, it's like I said a lot of times to, to all of my clients, who cares if people don't like you, or if they will say something about you.

Dr John Demartini: 18:45

Thank you. Thank you. I just thank you. I love this quote. It was around Socrates and Plato in his writings. He says, so Plato's writing about Socrates, Socrates is being confronted by a merchant. So he's, he's, he's along the side of a walkway through the little town, right? And this merchant approaches him and says, I'm, I'm disappointed in you, Socrates. You teach the young people such abstract things that's not practical. These people need to make a living. They need practical things. He says, so, you know, teach them something that they can use as practical. And Socrates says, Oh, you are so wise. I'm so foolish. He says, if you ever see me say anything to the youth again, that is not Like you ask, please feel that I'm unworthy of any more comment. What he's basically saying is screw off, right? He's telling him to bug off, but he's doing it in a polite way. So I tell people, thank you for your opinion. But I, what I love is when people try to put their shoulds on you, they'll say, you should do this. You ought to do this. You gotta do this. You have to do this. You must do this. You need to do this. You ought to be doing that. All I do is repeat it back. I said, I should, according to who? I ought to, according to who? I must, according to who? And they'll stop and they'll go, well, that's a good question. According to me. So I should live according to what you believe I should live by. Would you do that? If somebody came up to you and said, you should do that, do you do that? No. So I should do that? Is that a bit of self righteous projection onto me about how I should live? Because I'm reminding you of some part of your own life that's not fulfilling. And so you're wanting me to change. So it's not reminding you of it. What's the reason why you were saying I should? And, and, and I find that if, if it's a listed service and I'm asking for their help, I want to learn from them. But if not, and they're just projecting, I just, I say, thank you, but I'll consider that in the mix. Thank you very much.

Brian Berneman: 20:51

Mm. You know, I, I often, um, and, and I love, I I, I see that you work a lot with, with what I'm about to, to share. And I work a lot with a lot of my students, um, around understanding, you know, and uncovering who are we, what are, what are our values? The more that we understand that, it's much easier to, as you said before, to prioritize, to understand. Yes. You know, this, this is what I care about. And yes, like you might care about something else and, and all good. But as you're saying, there's no sure. It's like, Oh, this is what I actually care about. But unless I know what I care about, how will I ever live my life according to

Dr John Demartini: 21:35

that? That's it. You just said it perfectly. We're on the same trail here. Because most people they don't take the time to find out what's really meaningful and look what their life is demonstrating. They're comparing themselves to others, instead of comparing their daily actions to what they value most. But they have a unique set of values. They're fingerprint specific. And to the degree that you live congruently with that hierarchy, particularly the highest value, You have more fulfillment, more meaning. You are more excellent in your service. You are more teleological purposeful. You have more fulfillment. I mean, I could go on and on and on about living concurrently by what's meaningful to you, but most people are fitting in and they're trying to be somebody they're not. And as a result, but they lose their authenticity. Their authenticity is much greater than any fantasy they don't impose on themselves.

Brian Berneman: 22:24

Yes. No, I, I share a lot of times with a lot of my clients around, uh, working with, with trauma. And there's this two big aspects that a lot of times I share with them is that authenticity and then the belonging or the attachment and how most of us are putting so much emphasis on the attachment to fit in, to be part of that we lose sight of that authenticity. Therefore, we end up living someone else's life instead of ours. For, for that, um, and you were just sharing, you know, like about the values, what are the things that you would say for those that are listening to, to us now? It's like, okay, if they haven't ever even looked at their values, where do they start?

Dr John Demartini: 23:12

Okay. Well, on my website, drdmartin. com, there is a complimentary value determination process that takes about 30, 40 minutes. It's complimentary, it's free, it's private. So hopefully they'll take advantage of that because it's free. A goldmine. I've been studying values 45 years. I have gone through, I think much of what's at least in English on the value determination process out there. I'm going to say 80 or 90 percent of what I've read out there is how you should be the supposed to be the right, some moral injunction by some authority that somebody subordinated to who wrote the thing. And I find that to be Trapping people. So I'm not interested in about what it should be. I'm not interested about the imperatives. I'm interested in what your life demonstrates because that's what your values are. What is your life demonstrating? So I look at how you fill your space. You have a thing called proxemics. And your intimate space is a foot and a half and your personal space is about four feet. Your social space is about 10, 12 feet. And your public space is beyond that. And things that are really valuable to you, keeping your personal and intimate space and things that aren't, you just distantly push away. So if I gave you a gift and it had zero value, you toss it in the trash and go, I can't use that. But if it was something really valuable, A gold nugget that's 10, 000 years old that has love and wisdom on it or something. You probably put it right where you get to look at that as a reminder every day. Something that's, if it's meaningful and really valuable to you, you keep it close to you. You know, a diamond ring on a woman, she doesn't take that off too often. Or if she does, it's right there where she gets it again. So things that are really very valuable to you keep proximal and things that are not, it goes distal. So your space is a very good indicator of what you value in life. So if I look at what do I feel my, My 18 inches, my intimate space with most. I'm in front of my computer. It's 18 inches away. I'm in front of it 14 hours a day, probably. And so what's the dominant use of that computer teaching? What's the second most use? Researching and writing. So if I look at what my life demonstrates, I got my phone. Most people use the phone to talk to people. I don't, I use it for research. I look stuff up. So if I look at what my life demonstrates in my, my personal and intimate space, It's teaching and research. So that's just the way it is. If I look at the second one, time, I make time, find time and spend time on things that are valuable to me. I come up with reasons why I don't have time for things that aren't. So space and time are great indicators about what you value most. And I'm spending on average about 14 hours a day teaching, either writing articles or doing podcasts or doing webinars and doing live seminars or doing radio or television or movies or something. I'm doing 14 hours a day at least. And that's part time. I sometimes do 18 to 20. So if I look at what my life demonstrates in time and space, they point to the same thing. There's a pattern. The third thing is what energizes you when you're doing something extremely valuable to you, your energy goes up. When you're doing something that's low on your values, you just drained. So what energizes you? What do you always have energy for? What? When you do it, you have more energy at the end of it than when you started. Hmm. I'm looking for the top three things on. What do you fill your space with? What do you spend your time with? What do you energizes you most? And there's a pattern and you can guess mine. I'm sure we have a lot in similarity, teaching and learning and teaching, man. That's where it's at. I mean, you know, you have books behind you. You know, that's a good sign that somebody that has a love for learning. The fourth one is money. You will spend money, find money and make money for things that are valuable to you. And you don't want to spend money on things that aren't. So where's most of your money going? Okay. When I was a teenager, most of my money went to education. I'm not a teenager, 20 in my twenties. I'd buy 40 to 70 books a week. I was going to a professional school. I was paying 4, 700 a semester for school. And I was buying 40 to 70 books, which is hundreds of dollars per week. Almost all my money was going to education. I didn't care about clothes. I didn't care about anything else, just learning. So what does your life demonstrate you spend your money on? If it's you're a glutton and you're a, you know, you spend most of your money on food, well, then you value food. Your waste is probably going to suck. And if it's now, I don't need to go and buy books cause I go online and I can research cheap. So now it goes to investments and travel and back into my business of teaching. But you're, you're, where you spend your money, the hierarchy of your values is dictate your financial destiny. What do you spend your money on most, second most, third most? Your life demonstrates what's valuable to you by the way you spend your money. The fifth one is where are you most ordered and organized because things that are high in your values, you bring order to. Things that are low in your values, you don't get around to doing, you got a lot of chaos around it. You know, I have a very high degree of order on my, my researching and my education and speaking and travel. The rest of it, my girlfriend takes care of. She tells me what to do. You know, where are we going to socialize? I don't know. Wherever you want to go, you know, she takes command of those areas of her strength. I take command of where my strength is. And, and so where do you have the most order and organization? The next one, the sixth one is what is it that you have the most disciplined reliability and focus on? Where does it, you can, you can be counted on. So I have no doubt. Only since we've chatted, we didn't get to meet before this, but I can tell that you're a committed guy that wants to go and share and help and inspire people and help people and learn and teach and share great knowledge. So I can rely on you to be doing that. I probably can't rely on you to be working out in the gym in a, in a, in a thing. I probably can't rely on you to be going and going socializing at a social cocktail party. That means nothing probably, but I can rely on you to be studying and trying to get a new idea that you can share with somebody that can make a difference in their life. And that's why I can, I can see that because I can see myself. And so in the process of doing it, we can be reliable there, but you can't reliable to be me at a party. You can't rely on me to be socialized. You can't rely on me to have a drink. I don't drink. I haven't had a drink in 50 years. So those aren't my thing. I know there's more disorder there and less reliability there. No discipline there. So what's high in your values, discipline, what's low in your values, not that simple. I haven't driven a car in 33 years. I know zero about cars. I have a car driver. I hire, anytime I do something, the time my values, I'm inspired. Anytime I try to do something lower, I'm not as inspired. So why do them? So I hired people around me. Anything that's not the top four values of my life, I hire people and specialists to do to take care of that. Because I frankly would rather have somebody who loves doing that around me that's inspired to do what I want to delegate so I can be free to do what I love doing. So the sixth one, the seventh one, pardon me, is what is it you think about, about how you would love your life that shows the evidence coming true? You know, I've been thinking about since I was 17, traveling the world and teaching. There's evidence of it coming true. I've been 194 countries, next month will be 194 countries speaking. So I've got evidence. So what is it you think about about how you would love your life to be that shows evidence of coming true? If there's no evidence, don't write it. And if it's not what you, if you don't, if you don't love it, don't write it, but look at what your life demonstrates. The next one is what are you visualizing about how you would love your life to To be, that shows evidence coming true. And the next one is, what are you internally dialoguing with yourself, your internal dialogue about how you would love your life that shows evidence coming true. In my head, I'm an international speaker, traveling all over the world, speaking and inspiring millions of people around the world. That's what goes through my head. So that's what my life is showing. The next one is what do you keep bringing the conversation to and love conversing about most? People come up to you and go, how's your kids? If kids are important. How's your golf game? Golf's important. How's your business? Business is important. How's your health? If health is important. How's your fitness? Fitness is important. How's your wealth building? If wealth is important. Mine is., how are you doing in your mastery of life?, are you inspired? Are you grateful for your life? Are you doing something extraordinary with what you want? I'll go there, but I may not talk about cupcakes or recipes or gossip or social political stuff necessarily. So what do you converse with other people about most? The next one is what inspires you, brings tears to your eyes. Every moment you've had in your life that's brought tears to your eyes, what was the common thread that was going in each moment? Cause it's a sign of authenticity. What exactly is it that inspires you and brings tears? I'm sure when you've come, I bet, I bet, I don't even, we don't know each other, but I'll bet you've come through and read great literature by great minds and had tears in your eyes and stopped and contemplated. Just sucked that in, soaked it in, and then wrote out and take that quote. So I, I wanna share that with my, my, my loved ones.

Brian Berneman: 32:25

Definitely. I'm sure, because that's inspiring to you. I'm getting, unless you're saying that, I'm getting chills in my body remembering that. Yeah. Because

Dr John Demartini: 32:31

that's, that's what we do, because that's what our love is, that's what we're inspired by. So, tears of inspiration. When do we have them and what's common to them? The next one is, what are the most consistent, persistent goals that you've had long term that you are definitely on track of emerging and making happen? The big ones, the ones that are really meaningful to you. And the last one is what do you spontaneously want to study, read about, learn about, watch on YouTube? I'm feeding my mind. I'm sometimes researching and writing and having a video going on and, and, and, and in front of me, maybe another book opens. So if I'm, if I want to get a break from my looking at the computer, I'll read a, read a page. I'm feeding my mind. And I want to make sure I'm feeding it with the greatest ideas from the greatest minds on the planet. So I'm not sitting in trivia. I'm feeding it with stuff that stands the test of time that's left their marks in history of people. So. If you look at what those 13 questions are and you answer three answers each, and then you look at what repeated answers and the patterns that show up, it'll give you a great idea of what your life is demonstrating. It's important to you, not your fantasies. Cause I ask people, how many of you want to be financially independent? They all put their hands up. How many of you are, they all put their hands down. So I'm not interested in your fantasies. I'm interested in what your life demonstrates. That's what counts. That's where you start. Yeah.

Brian Berneman: 33:49

Thank you for sharing that for everyone listening and watching us rewind, go back, listen to those 13 aspects. And actually reflect on them, because this is one of the things that I find so fascinating as well, um, that most people, we are used to just reading and, and just, you know, like trying to get all of this different information. What are we doing with that? Are we actually reflecting? Are we writing down? Like a lot of times I tell people, you know, like, what are you grateful for? And okay, let's do a gratitude practice. And then they don't do it. And I'm like, well, then, you know, that's, that's not inviting the energy of gratitude into your life. If you're not actually implementing it, if you don't answer these questions, then those questions are irrelevant because then there's nothing that is actually taking place with it. And I love something that, that you shared within those questions. Uh, and one of the main things that, that I shared with other people is, you know, we're taught that life is hard sometimes. And I'm like, well, how can life be easy? You know, as you were saying, the things that I find, the discipline and the order and all of this, this comes so easy, you know, sharing, it comes so easy, learning, it comes so easy. Whereas there's other things that they don't come so easy. And then I can question, do I actually want to spend, as you were saying, my time, space, energy. My life going to that, or do I feel like, Oh, actually I'm going to stay with what is actually glowing. And that doesn't mean that I cannot, you know, push myself to, to go to those places that perhaps there's some hardship or challenges if I feel like that's the correct place, but it's like, okay, inviting is into my life and that allows me to be well mind, body. Spirit, everything.

Dr John Demartini: 35:46

Yes. Well, the thing is, is there is no difficulty out there except the one that you perceive the drawbacks without the benefits. It's your perception. Because I had a gentleman the other day, I consulted with, he's the head of a company, big company. And he says, he says, I got a major problem. And I said, Okay. And I said, If you say so, let's take a look at it. And he says, well, I had this, this lady who did this, this, this, this, this, this, and it's, and it's a real, it's, it's throwing a wrench into this sale of my business. And it's, it's worth, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars and this lady's throwing a wrench and it's going to cost me. Millions if she's not, we don't get rid of her somehow. And I said, that's interesting. I said, what exactly is she doing? And we made a list of what he was perceiving she was doing. I said, now, what would be the opposite of that? This, where are you infatuated with the opposite? He goes, what do you mean infatuated with the opposite? Well, if you're resenting a behavior, that means you're infatuated with its opposite. And if you're addicted to the opposite, you attract a person with that behavior to come to break your addiction because you're blind by your infatuation. And now you're blind by your resentment. So let's go find out exactly what she's doing and who's doing the opposite at that same synchronous moment. He goes, yeah, I never thought about it, but a guy came in with a deal. It was like too good to be true. I thought, what a steal. And this lady's trying to steal this opportunity from me. I said, she's trying to balance out what you thought the opposite you got. I said, as long as you're addicted to the idea of getting something for nothing, you attract somebody that tries to get something for nothing to try to give you a balancing act. I said, once you see that, you see that it's all on the way, not in the way, but if you're addicted to a one sided outcome, you're going to think it's in the way. So we then looked at what was the drawback of the person giving him a deal. And he said, yeah, I feel obligated. I feel like I, I got a deal and he, and I robbed the guy. And I said, and that's exactly what you're feeling this lady's trying to do. She's yeah, she's trying to set you free from what you're feeling inside that you're unconscious of. Now you're conscious of it. I said, so what's the benefit here? So I stacked up the benefits on this one, stacked the drawbacks on this one, asked what would be a fair exchange. He then re reestablished what would be fair with this guy and then realized that this person brought in that and the closing of the deal, once he saw that He says, I actually want to include her in the sale of this thing and give her a cut. The person that he thought was stealing from him actually deserved more when he got through and he was freed. And he says, I, I, my anger is gone. My infatuation I wasn't even aware of is gone. I realized there was nothing here except making sure that I'm actually selling it for a fair price. And making sure it's a win win so I can live with a free consciousness. I said, that's it. Everything in your life is on the way, not in the way. It's guiding you physiologically, psychologically, and sociologically, back into authenticity, to have sustainable fair exchange with the greatest number of people, to maximize your potential in life. He says, I never would have come to that conclusion without those questions. I was just thinking, how do I get rid of this, this terrible person? I said, well, that's, you're a victim of history with that one. I will now make you master of your destiny. You realize there's nothing there out of order. There was a hidden order in what you didn't see. You had it as chaos because you chose to see only one side of the equation. Yeah,

Brian Berneman: 39:16

that's amazing. You know, that, that reminds me of something that, that my teacher, one of my teachers used to say about falling in love with asking questions. Everything is about questioning. And it's about finding the right questions a lot of times, and I don't need sometimes an answer even. It's like, what are the right questions? Because I do have a lot of programming and conditioning and whatever is there in my mind. Can I create new pathways? And how can I create new pathways if I keep on acting the same way and if I don't ask questions to challenge that?

Dr John Demartini: 39:54

Yes, exactly. Well, we are creatures of habit. We'll just keep doing the same habit unless a force comes in there that moves us. It's like inertia unless a force comes in and changes the direction. The force is based on the questions we ask, the quality of our life's, based on the quality, the questions we're asking. If we ask amazing questions that equilibrate the mind. We liberate ourselves from the emotional baggage of infatuation resentments and prides and shames, and all the inauthentic expressions and experiences and perceptions. Mm-Hmm.

Brian Berneman: 40:20

So I, I wanted to to ask you something. When I, when I work, I. Aim to, to see us as a holistic being. So with some people, you know, like it's working with the mind to change the body for some people is we use the body to change the mind. What is that connection that you can can share? And what is your, your approach when, when you're working with, with people from this perspective, mind and body? All the above.

Dr John Demartini: 40:52

You know, if you go to a nutritionist, he's going to see it from a nutritional perspective. You go to a chiropractor, he's going to see it from a subluxation. You go to a medical doctor, he's going to see it from a pharmaceutical. You go to a physical therapist, he's going to see it from some sort of a physical therapy treatment. Everybody's going to see it through their lens. And it's all accurate. So be holistic, allow all of it. You know, if you learn tools that you can do that's physical, that allows you to have more expression mentally, use them. If you see mental tools that allow you to transform your physiology, use them. But I don't, I wouldn't want to get stuck in this is the, this is the right way and that's the wrong way. And this is better. And that's right, wrong, better, worse. All that to me is just. Incomplete awareness. It's all, it's all useful. I mean, you've been studying things from all different angles. So have I. I mean, I started out as a chiropractor and studied physiology and I taught neurology and I've got background in physiology. There's no doubt about that changing physiology and changing your physical form can change your perspectives and attitudes. And chemistry, I mean, just changing your diet can change your microbiome and change your neurochemistry in the brain. So they all are interchange and I don't see any one really not useful. So I learn as much as you can is about as much as you can and put them all together.

Brian Berneman: 42:07

Yes, that's, that's beautiful. And Jonas, as we are getting closer to towards the end of the episode, I would love for you. to, to share with everyone that is listening to us. What are some of the most important things that you wish everybody in the world knew?

Dr John Demartini: 42:28

Well, it's not about wishing they're doing it so much as for me, as much as I just love, anytime I learn something that I found that's meaningful, that has been of service to me and in my awareness of mastery, my own mastery, I try to pass the torch and it is different things to different people. So I think we're, we're on a journey of exploration. You know, whatever we know is an insignificant nothingness compared to what we don't know. And so whatever we know is a tiny little speck. And when they said that Socrates was the wisest because he knew nothing, he understood that it's an infinitesimal compared to an infinite knowledge out there. So I'd like to be able to feel like I'm making at least some little contribution by learning something from somebody and passing the torch. And, and, um, and taking that and doing what they can, it's not, not everybody's going to resonate with. I mean, I can say something and somebody will get a light bulb will go on, another person go, I don't get that. And there's a whole spectrum of people out there with different value systems. None of them are right or wrong. It's just, it's at different stages. They may all of a sudden illuminate by that and it'll be useful here, but I'll still disseminate the information and let people grab what they're ready for. And I appreciate whatever they use. I'm just grateful for somebody to hear me. You know, I, when I, when I first found out that somebody would actually come, my first student, I was 18 years old and a 375 pound Afro American woman came up to me and asked her, asked me to teach her yoga because I was doing yoga. And I thought, you know, I just gave her a big hug. I said, she was 375 pound, wanted me to teach her yoga. I was the skinniest kid in the school and she was the largest. And I thought, well, that's how opposites attract. And I taught her what I knew. I mean, what I could, and she couldn't do half the asanas, but she would, she would try. I was so grateful to have somebody that would actually listen to something I would say. That was such a rewarding thing to just know that somebody would actually take it and try to apply it and benefit their life by it. You know, I mean, you know that you must have fulfillment and receive thank you letters from people from all over the world. It's a daily thing and it's so inspiring to be able to take an idea, share it and hopefully help somebody with it. That's, that's what my job is.

Brian Berneman: 44:47

That's beautiful. The last thing, John, that, that I wanted to, to ask you is, you know, there's a lot of times, um, people that, that I hear from, and they share, you know, like, I talk a lot about change and transformation and how we can do that. And a lot of times people say this, but, and they bring out of the excuses, what would you say to people when they share their excuses of why they can't

Dr John Demartini: 45:17

change? Well, every decision a human being makes is based on what they believe in that moment will give them more advantage and disadvantage with what they know and the strategies that they're using. So I had a lady, she said, she says, I am drinking and getting drunk and overeating. Can you help me? And you got to stop it. It's, it's causing me obesity. It's causing me health issues and everything else. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I asked her, so what's the benefit are you getting from overeating? She said, well, there are no benefits. I said, you would not do it if there wasn't benefits. You're just not conscious of them. I'm going to bring them from the unconscious to the conscious. So what are the benefits you're getting? She said, well, I can't see any. And I said, let's look again. I don't know. Let's look again. Then she finally stopped and got really quiet. And she said, wow, everybody in my family is large and would be considered obese. When I visit them, if I'm not large, I don't feel like I'm fitting in. I don't feel like I'm part of my family. I said, okay, cool. Write that one down. She got a little tear in the eye. I said, what's another benefit? And about another 10 minutes goes by and she finally gets another one that gets a tear. And she says, my sister, And I made a commitment that I just realized that she started crying. She says, I made a commitment never to be smaller than my sister. And whatever she is, I'm always a little bit bigger. So she can't push me around. I said, cool. And by the way, you found a strategy to get what you want, to not be pushed around and be part of your family. So let's not negate it. Let's just honor it. Now we're going to find viable alternative ways of doing it instead of eating. But right now, Honor yourself. You found a strategy to get what you want. What's another benefit? Another one came. And she said, wow, wow, wow, wow. She started bawling again. And she said, I went on a crash diet a number of years back. I was probably 19 to 20 and I started to get a bit of a shape. I lost 45 pounds on this crash diet fasting kind of thing. And the moment I did, a guy hit on me. I never had a guy. I never was a guy with a guy until I was about 19. This guy hit on me. And when I mean hit on me, you know, tried to ask me out and I went out with him. And the very first time we went out, I confused it with love. I didn't know anything. I had no reference. It's my first experience. And he wanted to have sex and I had sex with him very first time. And then I never saw him the next day. He never called me back. I never saw him again. And about seven weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and I was then confronted with the biggest Most challenging, painful thing in my life. I don't want to have this baby with this man. I don't want to have an abortion. I'm trapped. Her religious belief system had her trapped. And she was going back and forth and she said, I didn't know what to do. And I finally had an abortion and I felt shamed. And I never wanted to be with another guy like that. And the way I got with that guy is losing weight. And she bawled. And she says, would I do that to myself? Would I keep weight on to keep myself from ever going through that again? I said, yep, if those are the associations in your brain. So what you say, help me lose weight is your outer conscious BS. What you're actually saying inside unconsciously is, If I gain weight, I run the risk of having the most painful thing in my life, losing my family and being pushed around. That's what you're unconscious saying. You're conscious saying, I need to lose weight because that's everybody's injected the values. You should lose weight. You need to look better. You can't, da, da, da, da. I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in what you're unconscious saying now. We went and wrote 75 things that brought tears to her eyes until she realized that she says, right now, I've got so many unconscious motives. I can see why I've kept my weight. I said, great. Now let's come up with viable alternative ways of getting those benefits. What's another way you could be with your family without having to keep weight on? I can meet them at the movies. We all like to go to movies and I can do it right after dinner. So I don't have to have dinner with them and eat. Good. And what's the way your sister can't push you around? Well, she says, it's not so much big now. I can easily see a way of doing that because. I'm very highly educated and she's not as educated. And the second she tries to push me around, I just come up with different ways of making her feel important. And then she backs off. So I know what to do on that. So we went and found viable alternative ways of getting her the same outcome without having to use food and eating to get those outcomes. And then we linked those to her highest values. And then we de linked eating from her highest values. Cause if you give somebody punishment and judgment for doing something that they need to stop, it's an addiction or something, and they don't have a viable alternative, they're going to feel guilty and shame if you tell them it's wrong. And that's what this lady was doing is getting told all this stuff and was reciting what she was told instead of actually looking at what her life was showing. So, Unconscious motives are mind blowing what people discover. So when somebody says like, no matter what I do, I keep doing this, or no matter what I do, I can't do that. Or I keep sabotaging. No, you don't. No, you're just unconscious of what your real intentions are. Discover what they are, discover alternative ways of doing it, watch what happens.

Brian Berneman: 51:13

Yes, that's amazing. You know, I, I, I often share when, when, you know, I'm working with people and they bring those excuses. I often say, you know, like our system has been wired. To survival. And as you're saying, it's all of these unconscious beliefs or behaviors that are there. So all that we need to do is to bring them into conscious delight. Yeah.

Dr John Demartini: 51:38

bring them into, yeah, bring 'em into consciousness and, and then, and then once you do, you kind look at that and you go, oh no, I'm knowing what I'm doing. You're conscious of what you're doing now. You can come up with strategies, alternative viable strategies to do something different.'cause you are, you are, see I don't like to, when there people come to me that they're addicts or whatever. I don't like to punish them and make them wrong and shame them and all that crap. I'm interested in helping them realize how strategic they are and how they got that in order to deal with some subdiction that they've got, some painful thing that they're avoiding. And then to go, congratulations, you found one thing, just drinking, solves all these things that you had. Let's come up with some alternatives now. You're very creative. You found a solution. It's a solution. It's been useful so far. Let's come up with some viable ones and not make them wrong. And I'm amazed at what people have to do once they become conscious and they become resourceful. It's amazing.

Brian Berneman: 52:31

Yeah, yes, the mechanisms that we use are great to keep us from experiencing what we don't want to experience. And then it's like, well, it's this, I often ask to my clients, is this behavior, is this mechanism actually supportive of your well being? Not just of your survival, of your well being. And what you're saying is, it's so great to be able to, you know, to share that exercise too. See everything else in a sense. Oh, great. And also, is there a different way to actually achieve the same?

Dr John Demartini: 53:08

Yeah, I have people come to me and I they say I want to I want to become very financially Well, well, well, you know financially independent and I go I hear that. Are you on track for that? No, I'm in debt I said well, then why are you telling me that's what you want? It's not true What you want is to be able to spend your money on immediate gratifying consumables that depreciate in value more than you do buying assets that are deferring gratification long term to be able to build wealth. I said, so what your values say are different than what your words are. So I don't pay attention to words. I look at what your life's demonstrating. And what I'm saying is that the second you get money, you spend it on consumables that depreciate. You don't buy an asset that goes up in value to make you financially independent. So I'm not going to believe that until I see evidence of it. Evidence speaks, but right now there's no evidence. What has evidence is the second you get money, you spend it on something that goes down in value and you wipe it out. So it's immediate gratification and you will not get financially, you know, independent that way. It's just mathematically doesn't work. So I don't go by what you say. I go by what your life demonstrates. That's why I want to know what people's values

Brian Berneman: 54:16

are. Yes, I'm missing, uh, John, we could talk, you know, for hours and hours and hours, um, but we're going to, to bring this, this episode towards an end, um, where if people are resonating with what you're sharing, and if they want to, once again, go and check out the values determination, where can they go and find you and connect with you?

Dr John Demartini: 54:39

Well, if they want to do the value determination, which I can highly encourage, they just go on dr. demartini. com and look up, determine your values. I think it'll be leading you there and it's private, it's free, just do it and go through it again a week from now. And again, a month from now and again, three months from now and store them. It'll store it on there for you. You'll have your own private little place for it. It'll store it there and just take a look at it and then answer the questions as integrally as you can. Because I guarantee you, I've been doing it 45 years, people are afraid to write down the truth because they want to hold on to their fantasy. And then, but the greatest way to do it is to get grounded so you know where you are. If you get in an Uber and you don't know where you are and you don't know where you want to go, it doesn't know how to help you get there. So you need to know where you are. And then you need to know what really is truly valuable to you to know where you want to go. And now we can go, we can get somewhere, we can change people's lives with that. So that's the thing. Or they can go on my podcast, my show, Dr. Demartini's show, or just go on the website and just see where it takes you, because there's enough stuff to keep you busy for multiple lives on there.

Brian Berneman: 55:49

Beautiful. And I will put the links in the show notes so that everybody has easy access to it. Thank you so much, uh, John for, for taking the time for sharing with us and hopefully everybody that is listening, you took something away from this. As always, I would love for you to comment anywhere that you're finding the show. What are you learning from this? What resonated? What inspired you? Any questions that you might have? So we keep the conversation going. So thank you once again, uh, John for taking the time. And thank you everyone for being here and we'll see you all in the next episode. Bye!

Dr John Demartini: 56:28

What did you like the most about this episode? Take a moment to think about what change you can make in your life

Brian Berneman: 56:34

today. Share your conscious action on social media using hashtag conscious action and tagging at conscious action instead so we can celebrate your impact on the world and create a ripple effect.

Dr John Demartini: 56:45

One easy action we would love for you to take right now is to share, like and subscribe to this podcast. This will help us get these messages out into the world and inspire more people to take conscious action in their own lives, contributing to the better world we hope for.