021: Mental Health and Life After the Army with Veteran, Chad Noble

Chad Noble is a US Army veteran and fitness & nutrition expert and mental health advocate.

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IG: @chad_not_a_hater_noble

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Transcript

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And it's on you to go out there and start driving again, it's on you to recognize that it's like, hey, the road is not going to end like they're going to help you realize that it's like, hey, it's not all or nothing in every relationship or interaction with another human being, you have to go out there and put these tools into practice. contentment doesn't equal complacency. I'm content. But I'm also not complacent. Like I'm content with the things that I have in my job. I've learned that those things no longer define who I am as a person, just like being in the army never define me as a person even though I let it. But just because I'm content doesn't mean I'm complacent. I still do the work, I have to do strive for better things and better things doesn't mean a bigger TV, a nicer car, or anything like that. The better things that I'm working for is the ability to communicate with the people I care about the ability to continue to give a damn about the things that I care about, and not get hit with a setback and fall apart and like think that the world's over. Hello. Hey, Chad, thank you so much for coming on my podcast. I'm so excited to be having you here and blessing us all with your fitness and nutrition background. Well, thanks. I'm excited to be here. Yeah, awesome. So I want to start out by just letting everyone know that Chad is I've actually known for a while and he continues to be my favorite person to talk fitness and nutrition with he has taught me so many things throughout the years. So we met in 2017. And we he was first my trainer, he really taught me how to train with intensity. He also taught me how to stop messing up my deadlift, and like my good mornings, that motion I was not doing correctly before we trained together, which seems so long ago. Literally, it seems like decades, but it was like, like three years ago. But I had no idea honestly, what it meant to train with intensity before we trained together. And I had had many trainers before then we competed together in 2018 spring, which was super fun. He came to me to book my shows. And then he went on to compete more later that year. And he just has always has a wealth of knowledge of like the latest research and health and fitness and wellness. And as I've had my health struggles recently, he's someone that I always reach out to with ideas of what could help or what might be going on. Because I know that he pays attention to that stuff. And and I just really enjoyed talking to him. And I wanted to share that with the world. So welcome, Chad. And yeah, anything to add to my little intro? Yeah, no, your your deadlifts and your Good Mornings were, I don't want to say they were awful, but they were awful. Yeah, and I had been lifting for a long time at that point. So that just shows I mean, two or three years. So I mean, that just shows like, it just takes a lot of like, even people, you know, you go over a deadlift form, and you're like, Oh, this is elementary or squat form or anything, but it's like, truly, there are a lot of people that have been lifting for a while and you could be just doing it wrong the whole time. You know, ya know, you came in with the classic military issue of, you know, just poor hip mobility, and overly tight hamstrings. And just like there's not a single person with our background, that's going to be able to just look at a deadlift bar or a barbell, put it on their back or pick it up off the ground, and it's gonna do it right. You know, it's just bad movement patterns that are caused by what we do. And the thing is, it's not just military people anymore. You know, like that old adage of, you know, we all walk like we have a stick up our ass. Because that's how we're taught. But now everyone has those, those problems to the way that we all spend way too much time sitting, and, you know, not being active and moving the way that humans are supposed to. And I want to say that you didn't train with intensity before. But the difference was, it was changing your mindset about what intensity meant, like people think that they get their their idea of exertion and their level of exertion means their intensity, when really, you know, intensity just means how much weight you're using, you know, you've always been someone that exerts themselves even to the point where I would say that you over exert yourself at the gym, and nutrition, then we can talk about that. We can talk about that more. But you know, and the mental health aspect of all of this, but yeah, let's say like you pushed me to like, really my weight significantly more than I ever would have the amount of time I had to listen to you complain about increasing the weight, like I don't think I can handle it. This is more than I've ever lifted. It was just like, hey, go do it. Yeah, that's still some of like that prep was like some of the heaviest I've ever lifted. It's interesting. Like I was obviously in a deficit, and it's like the heaviest I've ever lifted. It's like truly mental like no, no, I think you can lift a lot in a calorie deficit. I don't know. It's really all about where you're mindset is, yeah, it's something I've been focusing more on recently myself is that strength isn't a function of your physiology strength and how much weight you lift, it's a function of your brain, because your motor neurons are what tells the muscles to move. So it's not about how much muscle mass you have, or how much do you think you have, it's about building that connection to your brain and what your brain is telling your muscles to do. You know, that's just on the strength side. You know, that's not Yeah, that's a bodybuilding, I need to build more muscle mass thing, but like, if you're just trying to put up heavy weight, it's not about how much calories you're eating. It's about strengthening those motor neuron pathways. It's so interesting. Like, that makes complete sense. I've never thought about it like that. But I would 100% agree like with just with my anecdotal experience, with like, the little strength training, I've done that it's like just practicing firing those like neural pathways from the brain to the muscle makes a huge difference. And just like believing that you can lift the weight Bob will talk to when he's a famous strength coach that works with military units and everything like that most of what's your new ACF, t, which by the way, I took it Sorry, I took that my first ACF tan Wednesday, how'd you do pretty poorly for like, I have improvements to make. Yeah, not to date myself or anything like that. But I was in the army for the original Fm 22 dash 10. And then when we switched over to prt, and that became before it was the new Fm 22 dash 10. And it was just a training circular. And everybody's hearing that it's like all we're gonna do is 10 reps of anything and whatnot. And everyone was like, they didn't understand it. And all that comes straight from Paul it will taught salines methodologies and it's it's just a basic philosophy as you grease the groove, you know, so it's like, if you want to get stronger and more endurance, like you don't do things to exhaustion and Max repetition or max weight and everything like that. It's like you do it, you know, you do a moderate amount of reps with a moderate amount of weights, and you just you grease the groove. You keep firing those nerves. Yeah, neurons. Yeah. I don't know how much your audience would have a problem with my normal vernacular. So I'm over here self editing. So if it sounds like I'm having, oh, no, you say whatever you want to say whatever you are, okay. All right. I don't want to be dropping f bombs and all the other other words that come out of my mouth, express yourself how you see fit. All right, but that's where it all comes from. And that's kind of you know, my methodology has been, you've been training yourself now. Yes. And you've been training yourself. you've trained yourself, should we just kind of go through your fitness background? From the beginning? Yeah, you've been through it. Like, I wanna, yeah, talk about how you've coached yourself. But to talk about that we should talk about like the first chapters, right? Yeah, well, yeah, I've always kind of been in, you know, the fitness world, but it was kind of like a satellite thing, where I was just kind of like, orbiting around it. I wasn't actually involved in it. Like, I was a high school athlete, you know, wrestling and all of that. And I had no clue what I was doing. I went to a small school. Like it was literally like, up until, you know, probably I was I was on my second appointment. I'd never been around anybody who actually would give me solid training advice or fitness nutrition. Okay, so let's talk about the high school years. So you were in wrestling? Yeah, I was a heavyweight wrestler at five foot 11 and a half back in the day before I joined the army and Trank so what does that mean? tell people what that means. So I weighed 245 pounds at under six feet. Okay, so you can go to my Facebook and and whatnot. And you can you can see what that looks like I was flooded. But I did not in any way shape or form look like it I was the Roly Poly fat kid that could do some some athletic stuff. And you just look at it. You'd look at me and just be like, how does that that slob managed to do any of this? Yeah, I didn't have any, like positive self esteem when it came to to how I looked I was very much the weird Ugly Duckling emo kid. Like, we all had that emo kid that dressed in black and whatnot and just looked super terrible in their high school, and I was that kid for my senior class, but I was just really good at wrestling. You know? Yeah. And then I actually I, you know, I went to college, and I was going to try and be a collegiate wrestler and that did not work out at all. And when that didn't work out at all, I found this thing called partying and continuing to eat to maintain 245 pounds when not exercising and I ballooned up to you were just like eating the same amount, like you didn't know to adjust, basically. Yeah, yeah, I was eating the same amount. And then I threw on massive amounts of alcohol on top of that. So this was post High School. Yeah, this was post High School. You were in college in New York. Yeah, at SUNY Morrisville go Mustangs, when that dream of being a collegiate wrestler died I gained the new dream of being fat van Wilder. So why would do I think it died like what happened cuz when, you know, I was small school division wrestler. So you know, the I could get by, like the athletic and talent pool was much smaller than in comparison to, you know, say, you know, these schools that are out here that have like 2000 kids in the graduating class, there was 245 kids in my graduating class and my school was the biggest school in our division. So the talent pool and the athletic pool that I was going up against I just on my, you know, wrestling knowledge and, you know, limited athletic ability did really well. And then I got to the collegiate level, where at any level in college wrestling for those high school kids that are out there that are thinking about going into college sports that are listening to you, like, hey, if you make it to a college athletic level, you're you're stuck. Okay? Only 7% of high school athletes go on to become college athletes at any level, that's Juco, D, three, D two, D one, and I whatever the independents are called, but you're stuck. So I got to that level, and I immediately got hit with the reality of what I was stepping into, you know, and that's a that's a theme for a lot of things in my life is like, Chad's got a dream, and then Chad chases the dream and gets hit with reality. So it was way more competitive than you thought it was so much more competitive. Like I was in the wrestling room, and I weighed 245 pounds, and I'm struggling to stay at 245 pounds just because you go from wrestling like and no matter what level you're wrestling at. It's a brutal sport. No matter what you're doing. No matter where you come from wrestling, the wrestlers are always going to be the toughest kids in your school or in your town or whatnot. Alright, I don't care what any other sport says. It doesn't matter. Okay. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear Wrestling's harder. Okay, there's a reason why, like the majority of MMA champions are former wrestlers. Okay, because we're the toughest. And then I get into this wrestling room where I'm used to being the cock of the walk. And I'm getting ragdoll by guys that way. I literally weigh 100 pounds less than me like me and my buddy Sam, when I was in college, we used to mess around, because I just loved wrestling. Like that's the whole reason why I went to colleges. I wanted to wrestle. Yeah, and we'd stay after practice, or we come in on the weekends when nothing was happening. And we do matches just ever Forever matches where we'd go for, you know, pins didn't count. Nothing counted. You got to get a tech ball to win. And this kid who weighs 100 pounds less than me is texting me, you know, non stop. You know, that's the reality that I walked into. It was just like, hey, yeah, like small town kid was good enough for small town stuff. Now you're at the show, and you ain't got what it takes, you know. And when I had that realization, and decided to start partying, and then I went college ended that year ended, and I went home and I didn't want to be in college anymore. I was 19. At the time, I was 18 and kind of lost with life and just knew that it's like, this isn't what I want to do. And I weigh almost 300 pounds. You have any idea of like a major like did you have any thoughts? Oh, yeah, I wanted to be a history teacher at the time. So yeah, if you ever started history podcast, I'll come on that and talk. That makes sense. Because you're so good at memorizing like all facts. Yeah, yeah. Like that's what my brain probably just like, you don't even need to go to school for that. You're probably like all set. Yeah. Like my brain is just a depository for useless information. That Oh, no, no, like, that's the thing. Like, it's very useful information. Yeah, it's super useful for me, but like what I do now, or like what I did for most of my life, like most people are just like, dude, I don't care. Just give me my workout or make this chain or, or like, okay, that's that's cool. That's cool dude, that, you know, the entire socio political background for Iraq, but I just need you to guard that. I just need you to watch that. Like, that's your lane over there, bro. That's your fire zone. Okay. Get behind the 50 cow. And, you know, quit talking to me. Yeah, I see that. So you wanted to be a history teacher? Okay. Yeah. And I didn't have the best upbringing. The best family like to say I didn't have the best would make it sound like I had the normal I had the no going home wasn't an option. staying at home wasn't an option. Yeah, there's a reason why when I got divorced and everything like that I didn't go back to New York, just because there's literally nothing Well, it wasn't an option that you wanted, like you wanted more for. Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, no. Yeah. Being a loser is always an option. I just didn't want to do you chose you chose like to do more? Yeah. So I decided to you know, I was faced with some pretty hard realities, and 18. And I decided to join the army. So then I crashed it, because again, I have no clue what I'm doing. So what is crushing mean for you? Like, what did you do at that time? I pulled out every trick I had. So you're, you're 18 years old. So you just you didn't go back to college. So you're like New York getting ready to ship out for basic training? Yeah, Western New York and I pulled out every trick I have in my book. So this is May of 2006. This is mid May of 2006 that I make this decision and I pull out every trick that I have in the book to lose weight from wrestling and mind you I did come from a big wrestling program. So nobody knew what they were doing. We just we were doing stuff that they were doing in the 80s in the 70s and 80s people were dying. wrestlers were die. So, you know, I was going on, you know, nightly run, I was just running nonstop, because that's how you lose weight. I was putting on trash bags because I didn't equate I didn't have any concept in my head of like maintaining muscle mass, or like, hey, water weight is just that it's water weight. I was like, I'm getting weight off of me no matter what. Yeah, I'm eating like just a chicken breast a day. And not eating any carbs. Cuz I you know, watch an episode of Oprah that said, carbs are bad. Yeah, running with trash bags on just everything. He explained the trash bag thing to me. I never understood. I saw my high school friends. Or like the wrestlers in my high school doing that, too. I don't understand why it's just trash bags. It's just about getting a sweat going. You know? Because if you sweat, you're like, traps your body heat. Is that the thing? Yeah, it traps your chops, your body heat and it gets a sweat going. You know, it's like you don't have access to a sauna suit or a sauna. It's just really easy throw on, like, tape up a trash bag to you throw in a couple of pairs of sweat pants and a couple of sweatshirts and go for a run in. So can we quickly just take a break to talk about does sweating more mean you're losing more fat off your body or weight? So the short answer is yes, you are losing more weight. The long answer is all you're losing is water. That's it. Like you're that's part of your body's mechanism for heat regulation, everything like that. So you know, you sweat, your sweat evaporates and that causes a cooling effect. Alright, in order to make that sweat, your body has to wring out some moisture. So all you're losing is water the second Did you drink something, anything or you eat something with water in it? And hey, guess what? Kids, everything has water in it. All right. It's a basic component of all organic things. Your body is going to hold on to that water, okay, it's going to absorb all of that water and then hold it until you get back to hydrated status. And then it's going to overcompensate and hold on to that water longer. So short term, you will lose weight long term, you're going to gain weight by doing that. Yeah. And at the end of the day, you're going to lose the exact same amount of weight that you would have lost if you just done it the normal right way. So today's version of a trash bag is like those What are they called? like sweet sweat bands or something? Yeah, that's a completely different. Isn't that what they're trying to do, though? Like they try to get more? Yeah, that's what they're trying to do. And that's a completely different set of mumbo jumbo nonsense. Those waist trainers Yeah, like those waist bands that try to get you to sweat more. This is like kind of explaining why just because you sweat more doesn't mean that you burn more fat cow, or like you burn more fat, you just sweat or like it's not conducive to your goals. So what we're trying to say so you're running around in trash bags, eating one chicken breasts a day. If I could, that's if I could get a hold of a chicken breast because again, the situation I was in at the time it was my mom and my stepdad and me just wanted me out of the house, but they wanted me out of the house. But at the same time, there was no forethought of like, okay, we have the goal of getting this kid out of the house. Okay, how do we support this goal? It was like No, just get out of the house. Really? Yeah. So it was like, if I had a chicken breast available, that's what I ate. Right. And then other times it was, you know, like, I was just forced to eat the shenanigans that they were eating. So, yeah, that was a it was a fun time. Sounds like slightly miserable and difficult. Yeah, it was what it was. But yeah, so from mid May to June 27 or July 27. I went from I think my highest weight. I was 296. The day I walked into the recruiter's office when I my mom dropped me off after I decided not to go back to school. And when I shipped out for basic training, I was oh six. Yeah, that was July 27 2006. Like 100, nearly 100 pounds, like 90 pounds in like less than three months. Yeah, you know, and that's why when people are like, I can't believe that David Goggins did that. Like, Can you believe that? He did that so that he could go join the Navy and be a Navy SEAL? like yeah, I believe that he did that. I don't 100% No, he did that because I did that. Wow. You know, and I didn't have the the handicap of having to study for still pay rent and everything that he had going on at the time, like I was 18 minute one point just turned 19. Like if it wasn't like all I had to do was sleep, eat a chicken breast, eat ice chips in and run and hang out with my friends. That was all I had to do. So yeah, things are everything is possible depending on how stupid you're willing to be. It's amazing what like a serious external motivator can do to a person like I would say like you just completely switched Your whole life because you wanted to get into the army. Like, it's amazing what people do, like when they want something. Yeah, it's you know, and I had the, I had the benefit of still being young and being able to not have any other responsibilities that I had to take care of, you know, it's a it's a point that's, that's worth mentioning. It's like a, the more roots you lay down, the harder it becomes to to change your life. You know, if somebody is listening right now, and they've got, you know, three kids, and they're, you know, 90 pounds overweight, and they're sitting here, and they're going, well, that dude lost all that weight in that short period of time. And it's like, well, yeah, cuz I was 18. And I didn't have anything going on in life. And I only had one thing I had, I only had one singular thing I had to focus on. And once you've got other responsibilities in life, like kids bills, there's some pseudo motivational people out there that will be like, just get a singular focus and focus on just that. It's like, you know, that's a mentality that you can have, but we have to be realistic that it's like, Hey, no, there's there's other things in life that are important. And they do take away from the goals that you're trying to achieve. And it's not a excuse. It's not a it's not a cop out. It's a reality that you have to deal with. And you have to plan for, you know, everything is possible, depending on how stupid you want to be. But you have to remember that last part of that is depending on how stupid you want to be. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's definite. Great point. Like you said, you were doing every, you know, pulling out all these tricks and living out pretty extreme lifestyle to do that. So no, why did you do that? In my way, in my opinion, a healthy way. Oh, yeah. No, when I showed up to Leonard Wood, I was fucking man. I barely pass the PT test to go to basic training, you know, and I passed that on sheer well, because I was like, there's no way I'm staying here at the reception and doing PT and not moving on with my life. Like, no, I'm going like, this is all I got, right is all Yes, yeah. I passed by one push up in one setup. And then the run was fine. Because all I've been doing for the past three months was running. Yeah, yeah. So what made you even think of like the army? Well, why was that your thought after you decided you didn't want to go to school anymore. When I was in high school, I was a solid B student, because I did not care and did not apply myself because my original plan was always to join the army. I'd wanted to be a soldier ever since I was five. And my grandmother used to let me watch Chuck Norris Delta Force, like I wanted to be riding around the desert on a dirt bike with rocket launchers on the front shooting, you know, Mujahideen in the face. That's what I thought I'd wanted to do since I was five. Okay, I gotcha. I gotcha. I always wanted this. Yeah, I'd always wanted it. But you know, again, my wrestling coach, Mike kronmiller senior who just recently passed away. Last year, my wrestling coach, my senior year, he pulled me aside and he was like, Hey, you can always join the army, you know, this wrestling window has an expiration date. And if you love it as much as you do, you owe it to yourself to chase this goal to put everything you can into it. And I did. And he's one of the most influential people I've ever had in my life. And he was only my wrestling coach for a year, but I made huge leaps and bounds as a wrestler, and just as a person with him as my coach. Just simply because he was one of the first people to believe in me and telling me it's like, Hey, no, you're capable of more than what you're doing. Yeah, you know, and that idea of, hey, like, you've got an exploration, like, you can do these other things whenever you want. But this thing that you want to do right now, this thing that you love, like, you can only do this for so long. So chase that dream while you can. And you know, that's kind of again, that's another thing in my life that specifically because of him, I've held on to and done, you know, for better or worse, you can be whatever you want to be depending on how stupid you want to be. Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, isn't that amazing? When some person you just get like a flash of how they believe in you so much, like didn't realize you get this, like, motivation that you didn't realize was there, even if it's just for a short time, like one moment in time? It's like, Oh, yeah, one of the beefs I've had with my mom over the years because my mom was super mad at him for a really long time for convincing me to go to college. And Russel and I was I just I've always been like, hey, hey Domini like this is the first adult in my life who told me that is like Hey, no, you're capable of more than what you're doing and made me believe and put time and effort and energy into me and you know, affected me in a positive way and you're mad at him like get out of here? Yeah, you made it to basic training, right? Yeah. And you know, once I was in basic training, you know, just because it's basic nit are so active and everything like that I was finally able to eat again and whatnot and you know, exercising and it was all good until I got strong and fast. Again, pretty quick. You know, again, benefits of being young and graduated and and all that and once I went to Germany, once you get in To the active army after basic nit your activity level drops a lot. And then I started struggling with weight again. And because I'd so recently been 290 something pounds, even getting up to 220 to 30. I was like, Ah, now I'm fine. And then began my, my dance with the army Titan weight program. Good. Yeah, I'm sure a lot of relate to that. Yeah, make no mistake about it. The army is for all of the, you know, equal opportunity training and we don't discriminate and everything like that daarmee is 100% a discriminatory organization it's just happens to be that they're discriminatory against fat bodies. As a fat body as a former fat body as a current fat body, a relatively speaking, okay, you're not it's it's 100% warranted and I'm about it. Oh, really. I've always secretly been about it. Even when I was a fat body. And I was complaining about the program. Like there's certain things that they can do that would make it more make more sense. But hey, you're a US soldier, you're a representative of America's military might look like it. Yeah, look like it act like it be about it. I know that there's a lot of soft MLS is out there. They're like, it's not as pertinent. But at certain points in my military career, especially, you know, when I got really fat again, I got back into the 240s you as a heavy person, like just as a heavy individual, you are a liability. You know, think about it if you have to, if you're in a tactical situation, and you have to render aid to someone, and they're like, hey, when I was at my lightest, when I was in the military, and I was in full battle rattle, I still weighed well over 200 pounds in full battle rattle. And that's me without my kit on weighing 175 pounds at my absolute lightest. When I was in Afghanistan, I still like put the kid on me and I weighed over 200 pounds, that's a hefty person, that's a big boy. And if you've got to render aid to someone, if you've got to get out of a situation, Ricky tick, the more you weigh, the more of a liability you are, you know, and it was selfish of me. When I was complaining about height and weight standards to be like that it was selfish of my battle buddies, like it was selfish of all of us. And if you're that person who's if you're an infantry unit, if you're an MP, if you're a combat engineer, if you're anything that's a maneuver element, and you're overweight, like you need to fix yourself because you're a liability. You and your battle buddies like you're literally a larger target. Hopefully we can get into like some you can share some tips on how if people are struggling, what they can do is I know a lot of people are in today's world. Yeah, it was something that I struggled with through my first year in Germany. So that was your first duty station, Germany, Mannheim, Germany. Mannheim. That's right, nearly I'm right there right now. Yeah, you should, you should go there. And check out all the places that I used to live and hang out and get irresponsibly intoxicated. Yeah, not a lot of vegetables, sir. Tear a lot of meat and bread and potatoes. Yeah. And especially when you are a 1920 year old, private, and you know nothing about nutrition. And all you're doing is you're drinking on the weekends, and you're, you know, you're you might be going to the D fac, or you're going back to your barracks room, which at the time, we didn't have kitchens in our barracks rooms. There was one kitchen there was two kitchens in the entire barracks. And they were on the first and third floor. I don't think they do here still. Yeah, good, good planning army but I was eating was takeout and I would balloon up and then I would go back and pull out all the tricks. So the trade two that I had that got me in in the first place, and I did the yo yo diet thing while I was in Germany, while I was in Iraq, which was a I was in Iraq during the surge. So I was there 15 months. And that, again, was a terrible idea. I look back I look back now and I look at you know, the physical condition I was in and all the dumb things I was doing to try and control my weight and going just like, Thank God nothing really super awful happened during that time period because I 100% would have been a liability I wouldn't have had the stamina, the you know, the wherewithal to get through a tactical situation without becoming a liability because you were stuck in that cycle. Yeah, cuz I was stuck in that cycle even when I would, you know, I would get back down into the 210s and being in relatively good shape and everything like that. I looked all right, but it's kind of like that house when you look at it on the outside, but then you get inside and it turns out it's a hoarder nest. Yeah, that's what I looked like. I looked like that. Now, it was like, you look at the outside and it's like, oh, hey, yeah, I know all the shutters are up and the siding is good. And then you get inside and it's you know, the top floors are literally sagging under the weight of all the magazines that have been hoarding inside the house. Yeah, that was your body. That was my body. Okay, so when did you start to turn it around? So your second sale my second appointment so between my first and my second appointment and mind you I left my job. second deployment, my first deployment to Iraq I was 215 pounds ish. You know, I was passing height and weight easily. I actually was going to the gym at the time, bro lifting with the boys. But then we came back to Germany and I proceeded to party and also get on antidepressants. And if anybody's on antidepressants and drinking and eating, you know that there is no limit to the amount of weight your body will put on in a short period of time. So I only had three months between my first and my second deployments, and I managed to balloon out to 250 in three months, three months or so, so hard, like three months home, and then did you want to go back or no or not back to Afghanistan? Well, that second appointment was Iraq. So I was going back. Okay, I literally I literally just left Iraq and like I showed up in my second unit drum and they're getting ready to go and I'm like, ah, sweet, I'm gonna be on weirdy this is gonna be a chill as I can Tai Shan out, you know, I'm doing my in processing thing. I walk in my office, and he's like, we're getting ready to go Iraq. I was like I'm tracking for sorry, in the orderlies the orderlies in there with us. And he's like, How much time does he have? And he's like, he'll hit 90 days of dwell time a week after we deploy. And first time, it's like, you want to go I was just like, I just I just got out of Iraq. And he's like, do you want to sit here? Do you want to go with us? Or do you want to sit here and be a fucking pussy? He said that he said that to me. Oh, come on. Now. This is Timothy first. Timothy watts. Get fucking a second brag be like, yeah, yeah, this dude was his era was they called? Well, unit it was it is was the 23rd mP company. So What year is this? 2007? No, this was 2009. Okay. Yeah, they had just moved the 23rd from Bragg earlier that year. So it's like for like the year prior. So while I was in Iraq, they were moving from Bragg did. Yeah, he was all airborne all the way. Like, he's like, do you want to sit here and be a fucking voice? Yeah, like those words are still etched in my brain. I think if I read that second deployment, that's the first thought that comes to my mind sitting in his office and him saying that to me. Yeah, what's uh, what do you say? You said you I was like, first off, I don't have any of my gear. All my household goods are still in transit. He's like, literally, this is like he's got a fat dip in his mouth. Hey, specialist, if I get you the gear, will you go? I was just like, first on. He's like, hey, I need a platoon. I need another team leader. And that's in that platoon. And then in my head, the gears start clicking. Like if I go You make me a team leader and fast track me for promotion. And mind you I'm fat as fuck just looking like a sloppy mess in his office. I'm like, Alright, well, I'm fat. So this is my one opportunity to seize the moment and get made a team leader. And I'm just like, yeah, I'll go You give me the gear? Yeah, and he's just like, he literally slashed his desk. He's like all right, get that memo started. So I really am sick causing my platoon sergeant and and goes darling, since you're the team leader, and Sean Williamson, big mountain of man I love this man like a father to this day just looks at me with utter disgust and contempt in his eyes just like like what is this bag of smashed acid so that was how you got on your second show anyways yeah, but before we before we go sorry Williamson is you know treat me like a red stepchild and we do a company run and we go through the whole guide sorry she's attention needy trimmer it has me go running grab the guide on and I like we do this company run and I don't fall in line I do the whole guide on thing and after that song Williams and for whatever reason, I guess saw like a spark of potential in me and they all go on leave and and we get to Iraq and it's like the second we touchdown in Kuwait to start that training period song Williamson is in my ass about losing weight and getting in shape. And from that point on, he just starts hammering me with leadership training, mentorship and PT like Jim literally PT me like I got PT to death. Like I thought I knew what it meant to be just run ragged and everything like that. But we were doing detainee ops and living on the fog not going outside the wire. And I thought that that was the hardest thing to do. And know the hardest thing you can do in the military is do detainee ops because you're literally under the the eye at all times. You're working 12 hours a day. You're working 12 hour shifts. And I was doing PT I was doing an hour and a half of special pop PT before shift and then I was doing another hour and a half in PT with the rest of the platoon after shift and I started that deployment at 250. And at the end of October, I weighed 206. Yeah, not as drastic a weight loss as before, but the flipside is that This time you know the seeds were starting to be planted that hey, you're not this small town white trash kid that you fucking think you are, there's potential in there, you know, for leadership and to set the example and whatnot and I lost that way and then a week later like the the whole time that I'm I'm doing all this when there's any downtime in the earth shack because we were immediate reaction force. It was like song William so it was just making me study for the Promotion Board making me study Promotion Board handed me Fm 70 dash zero and it was like, read this, you know, I had the NCO creed, memorize frontwards, backwards upside down. He was making me memorize everything in that time period, he turned me into a board baby. And I was his sculpture of what he wanted an NCO to be. Yeah, you know, what he was, he's like, I had this raw piece of clay right here, I'm going to turn it into something. And that's what he did. You know, week after I got off the height and weight program, I was in the Promotion Board. And I got to ask three questions and walked out with a perfect score. Oh, my gosh, yeah, that was kind of the moment where everything started to change. But being Iraq, I went home on leave partied a lot. I didn't get any weight back. I kept doing PT while I was on leave. But you know, I came back. And it was probably about January of that year. And yeah, there were some other PT studs in the company and whatnot. And I just noticed my weight was starting to creep back up shooting back up, but it was creeping back up. And I just gotten promoted a corporal and I just had this realization for me to truly to set the example to lead soldiers, I have to be the example I have to be the shining city on the hill. Yeah, I just started PT and physical fitness and just getting in shape. I just kind of became obsessed with it, it became the only thing I cared about. And I started reading. Like it started out as I was just reading Men's Health and yeah, taking stuff from that and then just became obsessive with working out. And then what really got this snowball going was that I, our block lead by the end of deployment came out and I was going to be home on leave for Empire State games tryouts, which is like a little mini Olympics for just New York State for like old timers to wash up guys like me. And I decided that I was going to, you know, and I competed in the Empire State state games, I was in high school, or at least in the trials before, and I was like, I'm gonna go try out for the freestyle and Greco for the Empire State games. While I'm on block leap. I was like, I'm a wrestler, 185 and I had weighed 185. Since I was a freshman in high school. I was like, that's the goal. So it's a wrestling tournament. Yeah, I mean, it's like the Olympics, but it's, you know, where it has, like, all the track and field and swimming and all that stuff. But yeah, it has a, it has a wrestling tournament in it. And, yeah, I'm gonna get down to 185. And, you know, I set a goal, it was measurable, it was attainable, because at the time I weighed 205, I was like, it's, you know, late January, early February, right now, you know, I can make two, or I can lose 20 pounds in six months without sacrificing any more muscle mass and just getting, you know, losing the rest of the body fat and getting stronger. And it was realistic. And I had a timeline, like I added a date, I had to weigh 185 pounds by June 20. don't check me on that date, because I just made it up. But it had a timetable. You know, this is where all the seeds of like, I didn't realize it, but I was learning the basics for what it means to actually be smart about your fitness and everything like that. So what did you use this time as a guide, or like had to lose weight? Like how is it different than before because this time, I was no longer focused on just losing the weight and as quickly as possible. And I actually cared about maintaining muscle mass and strength and being as healthy and as functional as possible. It was kind of all part of my development as a young NCO as a corporal at the time of just being like, hey, doesn't matter. If you have to take a holistic approach, I started taking a holistic approach to things as opposed to just like, hey, this one super specific thing, that's all I'm going to focus on and do it no matter what I'm gonna do it the fastest way possible. Now it became it's like, Hey, what's the best way to do this? What is the healthiest way to do this? How it was the best way that I'm going, how I'm going to feel and everything like that. What did you do differently? Like, So what'd you do this time? So this time, I've researched Yeah, every last piece of information that I could, I could get my hands on about how to diet I consumed it. Like I became obsessed with bodybuilding.com I became obsessed with Men's Health which at the time, I thought these were the the holy grail of like resources. Yeah, yeah. So do you remember like what your diet approach was or your trading approach it was you know, kind of the the simple basics which was revolutionary To me it's prioritize protein though. Don't be afraid of fat, if that's important, but moderate your be cognizant of your fat intake and what kind of fat you're taking in. Learn how to read a food label. Like I started reading, like, it's just everything that like if somebody handed me something I started reading ingredients and whatnot like, you know, avoid as much fake stuff as possible eat real whole food, nice things that like people are only paying attention to if, you know, like a scientist tells them like, well, a scientist told me I should eat real whole food is like no shit. You know, these things that like we tell normal people, it's like an earth shattering thing to them. And it was to me at the time, well, hey, if they're allowing it to be sold, it can't be bad for you. Right? Like, you know, Oh, really? Just Yeah, like, I was just like, hey, McDonald's is food. Like, that's really like, right at this point in my life. I was just like, yo, hey, there's no way the government's gonna let McDonald's sell people did bad for them. It's interesting, because I had I didn't think that at all before even before I got into fitness, I was like, I have to shop at Whole Foods every single time you know what I mean? I it's so interesting how you can have two different perspectives and you just didn't realize like, Oh, this stuff like you just had full trust in like the FDA. Like the government. Yeah, I had full trust in like if it was in a package if it was in a box in a package and it said food I was like, Yeah, I trust that like you literally could have tricked me he could have tricked me into eating cyanide like just by putting it in a little wrapper that said have food on it and I would have eaten it so with your research, trying to change Yes, this is all starting to change. And I was really really anal retentive about it to the point where you know I started annoying and piss off people you know, cuz they bending on timelines and stuff like that when we were selling a rack It was like all you can eat was no Mario like no I'm not eating that. Like was in that was not real food. Yeah, that's where my my absolute hatred of Mr. Ease became a thing. Yeah, it was that that second deployment? How are you working out like what were you doing? It was a lot of because again, I was still granted my my knowledge base was increasing, but I still had these ingrained things from wrestling and whatnot. So like, at the time I was doing this program that I pulled from Men's Health called Spartak. It's still one of my Spartacus workouts still one of my favorite workouts of all time, and it's the high intensity cardio or it's a high intensity circuit where you're 45 seconds long, 15 seconds off, you know, 10 exercises as a circuit and then you take a two minute break in between in between rounds. You do that three times. My love affair with the the Nautilus independent stepmill began, it's still my single favorite piece of cardio. It's the only piece of cardio equipment I'll use now. Like, I will not do cardio unless it's on that that was what it was. And it was a grind Plus, you know, regular platoon PT. So it was you know, I took that train like a madman ethic wrestling, and I steadily lost that last 20 pounds. I made my goal early. I went from with the armies for cockta tape test being 16% body fat to I weighed 100, the last PT test we took in Iraq, I weighed 186 pounds, so I was one pound over not having to get taped. I was upset about that. But when they take me I came in as a 0% body fat. That's interest. So my first art was like bullshit. Yeah, yeah, I remember start once you know, the other platoon platoon started doing my my waist and neck measurements, and then then doing the math and being like, this came out to zero and my first arm it was just like, bullshit. Like he was in his office. We're at the front of the talk. And you hear him scream out from his office. He's like, bullshit. And then he comes out and he really does it. And they do it again. And they're like, hey, first aren't like, you just did it like and zero. And he was just like, well, I'll be damned. You know, so if that tells you anything about the height and weight and take test, yeah, about its efficacy just cannot be 0% body fat. Yeah, nothing. Not a thing. But you I lost significant amount of body fat regardless. Yeah, yeah, I lost a huge that I actually would venture to say I lost more body fat during that time period where I was losing less weight at a slower pace than I did at any other point. Awesome. So then did you compete in that tournament? Oh, yeah, I did. And so I did freestyle. I did the freestyle tournament first, and I got my ass handed to me that whole tournament because I'd been off the mat competitively for you know, at that point, you know, four or five years, and I was still super heavy in wrestling. And I kind of got starstruck by the fact that my first round matchup was with the previous year's state champ. So as a 22 year old, I got beat up by an 18 year old, but 18 year old high school kid. But then I did the Greco tournament The next day, and I actually I qualified for the Empire State games and that tournament, and I wasn't able to go just due to my units training requirements, but you know, I set a goal and I kind of achieved it. So let's talk about so you're getting like obsessed with fitness and nutrition. When did bodybuilding start? Let's talk about that. That was your next sport, right? You don't have any other big sports in between. In between wrestling and bodybuilding. I became super obsessed with being a tactical guy. After that, I went to Hawaii and I went to Afghanistan and it just became obsessed with being as tight proficient as I possibly could like, I'd been a team leader and NCO during that second appointment just because it wasn't, you know, straight up tactical deployment, it was detainee Ops, I didn't feel like I'd actually accomplish anything as leader. So I decided to go to Afghanistan or third deployment. And how much of a break Did you have this, I had exactly a year, I had to beg, lie, cheat, steal, and annoy everyone in battalion in order to get changed companies to get on that deployment. Because I was not about to sit and work around when there was worse to go fight. And I know this the way I'm talking right now, it makes me seem like I'm trying to be that guy and make myself seem cooler than I am, which I am. But that was my mentality at the time. Yeah, like, hey, there's worse to go fight, I need to go do this. I need to prove myself as a leader. And hindsight is 2020. And looking back now is probably the wrong mentality to have, but also because I didn't need to do it. And that choice would pay negative dividends later on in life, and what personal relationships and you know, just overall mental health and, yeah, and everything like that. What would you say to someone who like might be considering going on a deployment, but they don't know if they're like mentally healthy? Like, what are some ways that you can like check yourself to see if any questions if you're actually going to go on a for real thrilled, I would paraphrase it if you're having mental health issues, like because whether it's a PCs, like voluntary PCs, or a voluntary, like long term TTY, to like the Philippines or something like that. And it's like you have any mental health, hang ups, hiccups, anything like that, you need to take a real long, hard look in the mirror, and ask yourself, what matters more to you being a functional human being who's able to have good relationships, and you know, you know that stuff? Or is your career as a soldier and your identity wrapped up in that because if it's the second one, then by all means, do it, because that's who you are your soldier. That's what you identify as. And if you do this for the long term, 20 years, then that's probably the correct answer. But if this isn't, you know, Long Term Life, you're not going to retire from this, you probably need to slow down and think like is this the best thing for me as human being as a person to do this because even a PCs, it's, it's a super stressful thing that's going are like a TD why I keep saying PCs, it's not really relevant, but like a TTY to the Philippines or something like that, you're gonna put yourself in these situations where you're removing yourself from a known support system, and all of this and putting yourself into a challenging position where you're going to be working long hours, and it might not be what you think it's going to be. It definitely can have negative consequences for your mental health, which will cascade throughout every other aspect of your life. And you think that like, hey, the consequences of this are only the consequences, I'm going to feel in the moment when I'm feeling these consequences. But all of those decisions you make when you're, you're in that period, where you're struggling with your mental health, those have cascading effects through the rest of your life, you need to look at this and you need to treat yourself as you know, someone you're responsible for helping, you're responsible to help yourself that's really first before you help anyone else. That's great. Like, all these opportunities can seem really sexy. And especially if you're a young person, and you feel like you want to prove yourself but like you said, like there's more to you than just being a soldier, you know, you have relationships and family and or maybe you don't yet, but maybe you want that someday. So if you are experiencing like anxiety, or any mental health issues, it's not to be ignored. And I think Chad lived with that. So I definitely take his advice to heart three back to back deployments and three PCs moves. Yeah, so very little stability in those years. Yeah, we all like to think of our late teens, and 20s as a time period, we're like, hey, that's when you're supposed to be going out and doing all that stuff. And it's like, well, that is true, especially your late teens, up until the point where you're 25 that's when your brain is finishing cooking. You know, that's when it's, it's putting the final touches. That's when you're putting the final touches on your cerebral cortex, and those thought patterns and whatnot that get ingrained in there at that time. Those are going to have long term consequences. So when you're in your 30s, and you're looking around and you're going like Why can't I have a normal relationship? Why can't like why do I have all these hangups driving down the road and stuff like that? It's like, yo, it's gonna be because of the decisions you made when you were 22. Yeah, that's an awesome point. Yeah, but yeah, long tangent. No, no, I had that. I asked. So, but yeah, so you were in Hawaii about to go on your third deployment? Yeah. You know, and I was I was being the super need to be the tactical cool guy. My nickname at the time was fucking Terminator. I go on my third deployment and I'm getting ready to go to SFAs. Again another nickname of Captain America. You know this because I What made you want to do that? Let's talk about that. Go to SFAs. Yeah. So explain what that is to people that may not know that. It's a special forces assessment and selection. You know, I failed my nav while I was there. So it's like a like four weeks selections 2021 day and 14. Yeah. Did I think it was 21 days? Yeah. 21 Day was 21 days when I went It was 14. Okay, so it's where you get like smoked, basically and like tested on all these tests and drills to see if you could even go to special Qualification Course. Yeah, yeah. And I went because I wanted to prove that I was the macaque of the walk. And looking back now, you know, that was the wrong reason to go. Like, I've always been an SF, like I said, I joined the army. Because I wanted to be Chuck Norris and Delta Force. Yeah, but looking back. Now, the reason why I went when I went straight have led to why I failed. Like, I wasn't going there. Like I did want to be the best, I did want to be a step I wanted that greenbrae I wanted that long tab, I wanted those things. I wanted to get the best training I wanted to get, you know, I wanted to be treated like an adult, I wanted all that stuff. But it's kind of if those are the things that you want, if that's the reason why you're going, then that's the wrong reason to go and you're gonna fail. You're either gonna fail selection, or you're gonna fail in the queue, the queue course because you're not going to have what it takes. It's like just being being SF. It's like it's a thing in your, in your bones. Like, it's literally part of your DNA. You know, it's like all these dudes who go to, you know, if you've listened to every story about all these, you know, guys who go to buds or guys who go to selection or rasp or any selection course there's stories about demon athletes going there and then voluntarily withdrawing the first day of hell week or voluntarily withdrawing, you know, first heard during logon rifle, PT, it's like, yeah, they want to be the best. But being SF, or any of those things. It's not about being the best. You just happen to be the best, but it's about it's an unquantifiable thing. And if you don't have that unquantifiable thing, you're not going to make it you know, which is why they write all these books about how to pass selection, how to pass buds, and they make these movies and whatnot. And it's it's such a cliche that they literally walk around that selection, they go, Hey, the books have been written in the movies have been made, and the attrition rate stays the same. Because it's, there's a certain type of individual Alright, and granted, that individual is wide and varied, but there's a certain thing that they have in their DNA that allows him to get through it. And at the time, if that thing wasn't in my DNA, you know, just from a mental perspective. So would you say that thing is or like those things? I don't I guess that it's unquantifiable. It was like I was like me and this other dude who went to selection at the same time, we both did the whole train up with the SF guys at in Hawaii. And you know, I was a stud and he wasn't and I failed lanap. And he got selected. He's just this Goofy, this goofy kid. It wasn't even from like, I'm not from a hard mo a hard skill on the west. I'm not infantry or anything like that. But he was literally, he's literally a pack clerk from 25th ID and he just decided to do it on a whim. He says unquantifiable. Would you say it's like you are like prepared and want to live that lifestyle. Like you're not just doing it for the long tab, but like you want to live that life? Yeah. And like not necessarily about living that lifestyle. It's just you know, there's just something there's just something in you and for some guys it's it's more easily quantifiable like you know, MMA for from from black rifle coffee, he talks about it was like he wanted he read first blood and he wanted to be a commando, you idolize those dudes, I idolize those teams, but for whatever reason, I just, I did not have the mental wherewithal at the time to keep my stuff together and pass land. And it's, it's kind of this, it's this, this overarching theme of my life is that like, Hey, I get these, I have these things I want to do, and I don't accomplish them. But in the process, I learned something about myself or, you know, I get some sort of, like, greater emotional truth or something out of it. And it's not necessarily apparent at the time, or it is apparent at the time, but I learned from it, you know, that's like going to selection even though I failed. It's, it's one of the like, easily the best thing I've ever done, you know, cuz, like, regardless of anything, it's like when I'm, you know, 90 and too old to do anything and like, grandkids are asking me is like, you got any regrets? I'm not gonna look at them and be like, Well, when I was in the army, I could have gotten a selection. You know, and I might have been a greenbrae like, No, I know the answer. I know the answer. I will have no questions in life when it comes to things I did in the army. It's just like, No, I know the answer. Like I wouldn't I feel good about everything that you did and you have no regrets. Ya know, as far as the Army goes, I have zero Zilch zero nada regrets you know, like there's certain things that I'm like that would have been nice if that had happened but I don't have a regret about it like being airborne like you know, if someone had told me like when I was in the process of joining the army as like what it actually meant to be an MP or no Hey, you should have gone infantry like like my recruiter and actually send any of those things to me, the path would have been different, but at the same time, it's like that's not on me. At night, 18 year old kid who just wanted To get me to get out of the house and to get out of New York, you know, and wanted to leave as quickly as possible. So, yeah, those things are not in my control. I can't ever regret about that. I was like, what was I gonna do? Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that's great to know. Yeah. You can't regret the things that were not in your control in the first place. Yeah, it's kind of dumb. Okay, so you failed plan now? Like, what did you What? Where were you at mentally? Like, you said that you took mental truth from that. But like, Where were you in the moment? I was super salty in the moment super salty. Because during my my Afghanistan deployment, I had decided it was just like, this is it? It's it's SFR I'm getting now. And yeah, I hope this was right after your Afghanistan deployment. Yeah. And I held to that, and unfortunately, I had two years left on my contract. You know, this is 2012. And this was, you know, October, November 2012, when I filled land out. And I still had a full two years left on my contract. And I was super salty, because that last deployment to Afghanistan was was rough not because you know, the tactical situation, it was rough, because it goes back to the Freud thing. And so before you make the determination that you're depressed, you know, look around you and see if you're surrounded by assholes, and I was surrounded by assholes. You know, this was to give everybody a little bit of context. This was Obama's, this is sort of Obama's second term. sequesteration is starting to hit and the army was changing, and not for the better, you know, deployments were going away. At that point, I joined the army to get out of being in New York, but like, once I was in the army, I was all about war. I was about that life, and that life was gone. And so you remember, I was like, depressed that the war was ending, or like dwindling down? Yeah. Because at this point, at that point in my life, that's all my life had been. Yeah. My entire adult life had been about had revolved around from the day I joined the army, it had been about training to deploy and deploying that was it like I had done zero road time, like I had done nothing that what people think of as an MP I, the only thing I'd done as there was actual MP duty was the tiny ops and I did that in Iraq, but the only thing I had done and even then it was a loose determination of what MPs do. Yeah. And yeah, I don't think about I think of MPs. Yeah, that's interesting. So this deployment you'd like beg to go on was not a great experience. No, it was it was awful. And I'm not talking about the living conditions. Because like I said, I was about that life, like I was about I loved living in a tent on a small PSS with just my platoon in, in Kandahar in the mountains, like at the bottom of a mountain. Like I was about that I was about that life, but the people I was with, were just the worst. And it's like I talked to people now who were with me on that appointment. And like, it's it's a joke now. It's like, Hey, man, I'm sorry. You had to deal with sorry. Ramsey. Really? like wow, yeah, they're just like, Hey, dude, you know, I hated you at the time. But now, like, looking back, like I realized what you were dealing with? And I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. And you were an NCO By this time, right? Yeah. Yeah, I was, you know, fond sergeant. But yeah, I had, I was super salty, because I had come back and I was like, I'm gonna go to SF. And you know, the rest of my life is just gonna be war. Like, that's it. I'm, you know, everything in Lebanon, the Arab uprising happen. I was like, yeah, more deployments. And then I filled Glenn out loud is like, Well, you know, there goes that this is gonna be two miserable years, and they were miserable. But it was because of my own attitude, who had nothing to do with everything like that. But it was during that time period where I'm, I'm super salty. Well, I'm no longer in two years, I'm not going to be in the army. So I started looking for what next. And I felt like instead of it being what I need to be the most tactically proficient, I need to be the most performative person on the battlefield. Now it became, I'm just going to be the most physically fit person, period, just because because at that time, the, you know, the Spartan races and the tough motors and all of that were starting to get pretty big. Yeah, yeah, they were starting to get super popular and I was just like, there we go. I'm super stupid fast. And I love obstacle courses. So I'm gonna become a professional obstacle course racer. I love that that was hear that. Yeah, that was my thought. And yeah, it was just the that time period after that deployment was just, it was a weird time in life. I was working out still being a poor baby and everything like that, and doing everything I could to try and get out of being in the line MP unit because that was the other worst. Yeah. And like your job. No, I hate it. It's awful. And yeah, it doesn't matter what people think about being an MP being an MP is the worst thing in the army, because I an MP. It's literally the worst thing in the army, because it doesn't matter what you do on top. I mean, you can go out and do everything that the infantry guys do and then come back into the infantry guys. You're still just a dumb Pogue, and everyone hates you. And then you go back to your MP buddies, you go back to your your MP buddies, and guess what they hate you too? Oh my goodness, yeah, that's one person's perspective. If there are any MPs listening, I don't agree, they're all going to tell you all the same. I think that MPs are just fine. And that it's a great career, if that's what you want. But it sounded like it just it just wasn't what you wanted. You wanted something else? I think it sounds like you hated yourself during that time. Not. So you thought everyone hated you, like you were projecting this hate self hatred on to other people? No, I really wasn't. Yeah, yeah. You don't understand how much everyone hates you until you apprehend a kid who's getting kicked out of the army for just patterns of misconduct and being a general shitbag and you apprehend him for starting a fight in the barracks and causing or in using racial slurs against passer bys. And then you're trying to do you know, an interview with him. And he's just sitting there being belligerent and calling you a Pogue. And then, you know, you talk to the the witnesses, and they're being belligerent with you, mind you, you're trying to help them and they're being belligerent and calling you up. Oh, yeah, the people that you're coming to rescue are being bullied. Yeah. And I mean, that happened. Yeah, people are, people are young. And then the Yeah, the back sometimes, all the time. But yeah, so you started Spartan races, right? Yeah. And I was pretty good. I wasn't a superstar at it. But I just started and, you know, I was placing in the top level of my age group, I didn't want any, but you know, I was doing well. And all I needed to do was, you know, keep training and improving. And I had a long break between competitions. And I was prepping, I qualified for warrior dash nationals in California after taking top 10 in my heat at the Hawaii race and the competitive II of the Hawaii race. And, you know, I didn't have a race for a really long time. And I was watching a lot of Greg play and like, that's, that's old school right there, Greg prett less than rest in peace motivational videos, you know, Arnold motivational videos. And I was like, Huh. And I was already kind of after ending bodybuilding. Anyways, you know, a lot of the time, but I was like, I'll do a show, you know, I kind of just like on a whim was like, I'll do a show. And I had already decided that I was going to get out and become a personal trainer. And I was pursuing my associates degree in exercise science at the time. And yeah, just kind of like absent minded, like, fell in love with bodybuilding. Like, it wasn't even it was just I just somehow became like, it wasn't a conscious decision to become obsessed with it, or anything like that. Like they had just launched the physique division. Yeah, I'm gonna do this. And it just all of a sudden, it just became like this all consuming goal of I'm going to be a bodybuilder, you know? And like, when you met me, I was pretty intense about it. But I actually by the time you met me, I'd actually really calmed down with with how intense I was about, you know, bodybuilding. Yeah, I believe that. So your first show you coach yourself? Yeah. 100% coach myself had no clue what I was doing. I that amazes me. Like, I cannot imagine stepping on the stage. My first time having coached myself like, I mean, I just really had confidence in your, your own knowledge. Like, it's just super interesting to me. Yeah. And I, when I started that prep, I had literally the week prior to prep, I just learn how to determine my do all the resting metabolism formulas, like the component method. And, you know, I've literally just read that chapter of my textbook a week before I could just start doing it for a competition. So, like, when I say that I was it was literally I was, how did you like, have that confidence in yourself? Or did you just like not care? Or were you unattached to the outcome where you just were like, I am so confident in my ability to do this, like, I know that it'll be like, Oh, it was it was a little bit of both. Oh, yeah. Cuz I knew, like, you know, I'd watched enough bodybuilding videos. By that point. I was like, it's, it's unrealistic to expect to win my first show. But on the flip side, I was just like, hey, I've got all this information that I just took in, it's time to use it. You know, I've never been one to sit on information and not employ it. I've always been like, as soon as I get a new piece of information, I'm going to find a way to to incorporate this as quickly as possible, you know, so it was I 100% had confidence in my ability to, you know, to do this, to coach myself through it, and I did that first show. I came in middle of the road. But again, this was in Hawaii. So it's like, you know, there's only three shows in Hawaii for a very large community. Yeah, bodybuilders there. Yeah. So very competitive stage. Yeah, it's Yeah, it's super competitive. And I came in middle the road in my class, out of, you know, 30 people in my class. So I was out, that's Well, yeah, I was 12/12, or 13th, like, I was two or three places away from making first call out, and I was super, you know, super enthused with those results, and immediately jumped into another prep, without taking the time to like, it literally was eight weeks later, I did another show. And I know that there's somebody in competes who's listening or like, who cares, motherfucker, I do, like back to back shows for like, hey, everybody's body responds differently, you know, to peak week, and I did not know how my body was going to respond to peak week, and it messed me up, you know? So explain what you did for peak week for people that have never done a show. Just briefly, like not every detail, but yeah, what is it like for me, for what I find, what I have found works best for me is to manipulate my water intake and my carb intake and shed waterway and dry out, like dry out my skin. Because for whatever reason, I probably do the years of having been doing a yo yo dieting and excess skin and whatnot that I have on my body, I just retain a lot of a lot of fluid subcutaneously. And that's what works best for me. So yeah, so you like dry out your you shed all your water in your body, like that's the goal, and try to make your muscles pop as much as possible. So you really play with water and sodium and carbs. Yeah, I do all that. And then what ends up happening is that I have a two or three week period afterwards, where my body holds on to every everything. And I also did not at the time losing weights really easy in comparison to maintaining that weight loss, right. And when I say losing weights really easy. I want to preface this is that in the pantheon of impossible tasks, it's the easiest, okay, it's the easiest thing that you can do. It's impossible. All right, right, maintaining that weight loss and keeping that weight off and doing it for a significant period of time, while in a high stress environment. That's the hardest thing you can do. In that for Kelly harder. Yeah, it's significantly harder. And I did not have an understanding of that. So when I did my second show the kaika like I weighed the exact same same body fat percentage and everything like that, but I did not look the same. This is 10 weeks later. And I should have looked better than I did at the sting ray. And I looked worse, I didn't even look like I trained and I honestly trained harder because of AI and more diligently because I was so watch McCall I was so pumped up by the previous results, and it did not go well at all. And I was also having, you know, issues with my fiance at the time. Now my ex wife and yet all those things together just it did didn't equal a good time. So explain to people how you can what have the same body fat percentage way the same but look different. Like what contributes to that. Again, you know, going back to that told him water under in my skin under my skin, but like so what caused like stress causes that like stress can cause that or Yeah, I'm like, not being recovered. You know, like what leads to that water retention, stress, lack of recovery, lack of sleep, which goes under recovery, you know, if you're a woman hormonal fluctuations just and when I say stress, I don't mean just like, Hey, I got an argue with somebody. I mean, that could be it. Like that literally could be it. There's actually, again, an injury, an injury could cause can cause that there's a there's a very famous story about Lou Ferrigno, when he made his comeback in the 91. Olympia, were going into the show. Everyone was like this is lose year. He's going to win this. He's going to run away with it. He's the biggest guy here. He's the leanest guy here. And they were doing it in Columbus, Ohio, where they all be normal dat and for some reason, they decided that they were going to do this weird walkout where they're all in robes and shit. And they're going to come in from they're not going to come in on the stage. They're going to come in from the crowd and they're going to put fog all up and everything like that. They're going to walk up the stairs onto the stage. And in the process of walking up the stairs. Lou gets caught on his robe because it was too long and Chin's himself on the stairs. Yeah, and that goes caused him to have a stress response because now he's injured. Because when you're super lean and stressed out from all of that any little injury can throw you off. And he, he just immediately that inflammation sets in and like he, like, you can look like they have photos of him backstage prior to all this and it's like, and then there's photos of him on stage with his wealth, that's bleeding on a shin. And it's like, they're not even the same person. You know, and the week prior, my dumb dumb brain was doing box jumps for cardio. And I found myself and in my stage photos from that show, you can see this gigantic welt on my shin that's like the size of a half dollar and just inflamed like, it's like, it's sticking off my leg, like a good inch. And yeah, like, there's so many things they can can lead to that, that that puffy stress retention. like think about it, like, you know, yeah, no, I completely. I'm, I'm, like, very sensitive to that. Like, a lot of my health issues are stress related. And I like sympathize with that. And I think I've experienced that in shows as well. So not that exact situation. But like, just, I think it's just so important for people to realize, like, your weight can go up and down day by day based on like, so many things, especially as a female and like having a cycle. So just not, you know, being attached to the outcome. So much of it, like your mental health is just super important. And as a part of it, all of it. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's these are, these are the little things that people don't take into account when it comes to, you know, whether it's show day, or a photoshoot, or just like, hey, you're a mom who's trying to lose 20 pounds. And you get on the scale on a Monday after a weekend where it was like, Hey, you had some drinks, on Tuesday or on on Saturday night. And you know, Sunday morning, you got into an argument with your husband about you know, the dog pooped in the bathroom. And you know, you get on the scale and you you weigh exactly what you're supposed to weigh. But you look in the mirror and you're just like, ah, working puffy Monday. You know? Yeah, yeah, that's, that's real. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And I was super, I came in in that there was 20 people in my class that show and I came in at 18, you know, and I was super discouraged by those results. But again, I was unhealthily obsessed with this beautiful thing called bodybuilding. What did you love about it? I'm curious. I hate everything about it. Except What I really love about ice cream. I hate it so much that I love it. It's actually an abusive relationship. Similar to the military. Yeah, it's 100% an abusive relationship. And it's very, I think, Brendan Schaub, when he talks about MMA, and people want to get an MMA who like fighting, like the reason that I loved bodybuilding, so much wasn't stage day, or anything like that. And like, I'm still not into bodybuilding. I'm still not into bodybuilding, because, like, I plan on getting on a stage tomorrow, and I need to look my best for being on stage. I hate it. I hate everything about the subjectivity, like I could go on for days about the reason why I dislike bodybuilding. But what it comes down to is that I love training, I love training. It's it's my favorite thing in the world. And it's actually it's one of the ways that I know that I'm not mentally healthy. It's like, if I don't feel like going to the gym, I know something's up. If I feel like it's more than just like, I don't feel like doing it today. But it's like, if I'm like, for a long period of time, like I'm just like, I don't want to go, I don't want to do this. I'm not feeling it while I'm there. You know, I know something's up. something's bothering me. There's, there's something wrong, you know, because I love training. It's the same reason why I love the army. Why I wanted to be like, when I look back what I really wanted to do in SF, I just wanted to keep training. Like, that's it. I didn't want to pull people over and do dumb shit. I wanted to train to two people in the face, you know, I wanted to train. And that's why I love bodybuilding. That's why I love all of it. That's why I got into CrossFit. That's why I got that's why anything I do any physical thing I do, the reason why I do it and I get into it is because I love training. And if you're going to do these things, you know, you can love fighting. But if you don't love training, if you don't love going to the gym every day and getting punched in the face, then you shouldn't be a UFC fighter. Yeah, you know, because that's, that's what 99.9% of this is going to be you know, I like regardless of what you know, people think about me tracking all my food and everything like that. It's like I love doing that I love sitting in coming up with my meal plan and coming up with my training plan. Like I have to program my Yeah, she's uh, she has to have all the attention at all times. But I love coming up with you know, My strength and conditioning program I love sitting there and figuring out, hey, like, this is my percentage that I need to be lifting. And this is this is I need to do. Like the way my body is going to respond best to hypertrophy training now that I'm 33 years old, and I have all these injuries and everything like that, is it like, I can do one, I can do one, multi joint movement, super hard. And then I've got to focus on, you know, then I'll do these ancillary movements. I love that aspect of it. It's the figuring out that math problem and putting it into action. That's what I love. That's the you know, and if you don't, if you don't love doing that, then you're not this isn't for you, if you love if all you love about this, is this, the stage and the the tan and everything like that, hey, go do the bachelorette. Or go, yeah, you know, go become a swimsuit model or something like that. But this this thing over here, it's not for you. Yeah, yeah. And that's, that's why I love everything that I've gone into. It's not because, you know, I particularly like I didn't fall in love with wrestling, because I particularly love tech bonding dudes, I fell in love with wrestling, because I loved showing up and learning new moves. And, you know, being in the practice room, I loved being an army, because I love showing up and going to the range. And you know, learning that, hey, like the reason that I have such a shitty time zeroing is because, you know, I fatigue, and you've got to your trigger pulls off, and everything like that, and I love the process. I love the process. It's not the end result that I love. It's I love the process. And it's if you can, if you can transition that to, you know, your weight loss journey, that it's like you love the process, all the things that you have to do to get to where you want to go, then you know, you'll get to where you want to go, it'll be a much more enjoyable, much more rewarding experience, as opposed to just focusing on that number on the scale, you know, focus instead on the reasons why that you get to that number on the scale, because those are the things you can control. You can't control that number on a scale. But you can control all the other things. Yeah, things that you do. Yeah, yeah. I love that. All right. So let's talk about like, just kind of where you are, we can go over like life after the army, and then like, transition into where you are now. And just kind of what you're working on now. Yeah. So life after the army was as bad a challenge. I got off my active duty in 2014. And then I did you know, a little bit in the reserves, and I've got married. And you know, looking back now, I had wrapped up so much of myself in being a soldier and being Sergeant noble that I kind of forgot how to be Chad. And getting out. A lot of people will talk about, like, you know, they go to the army, they lose their sense of purpose, and all of that. And like, while I agree, that's a huge thing. I think the biggest thing is that, that loss of identity, and I lost my identity, and I really didn't believe in the identity that I had when I got out of, Hey, I'm a personal trainer, and this is my hot wife, and you know, all that, that thing, those things, and I fell into a lot of bad thought patterns. Because I no longer had the army, I no longer had that identity, which was holding together, which is holding together the mess that was that was me, you know, the, you know, the childhood trauma, and then the, you know, just the shenanigans and the BS that the army does to you over that period of time. And, you know, if this sounds like a mess, it's because it was a mess, I got out and I was kind of a mess for a while. And the only thing that kind of really kept me together was was fitness. So when you say you're a mess, like what were you doing that was Oh, does that mean to you? I mean, like whatever you want to share. I didn't I didn't get out and become an alcoholic or a drug addict or anything like that. I got out and I started making bad relationship choices and just bad personal choices that cost me my marriage cost me You know, a lot of my own self respect for myself and, and, and everything like that. I was a cheater. Like I was pretty much a low rent, not as famous not as cool version as Jared Taylor from article 15. So it's like if you got any article 15 drinkin bros fans and like y'all know who Jared Taylor isn't all of his swinger cheating and wild polygamy stories. It's the you can you can apply all of that to me without the alcoholism and getting Oh, and I did get super fat for a minute there. But, but you can apply all of that while still being, you know, super successful at, you know, I wouldn't say super successful but being successful at you know, competing in Semi successful and competing in bodybuilding and being a personal trainer, you know, like, I, I took the, the, because the army will have you focus on everything that's not your actual personal well being and have you focus on things like career goals and you know, physical fitness goals, and I took that, that mechanism that the army gives you, which is a good thing, but I use it as a way to ignore your personal life. Yeah, yeah, my personal life. Yeah, I continued, I got my, my exercise science degree while I was out. And I did do a couple more shows, you know, I did want one with you. And, you know, I kind of just, I, you know, it's been a weird, strange trip of, of self discovery, and I'm not done, I'm not, I did the personal training thing for five years, that's what I wanted to do. And for five years, that's what I want you to do. And I did it. And, you know, I've kind of gotten to the point now, where it's not the end all be all, for me to be successful in that space. And, you know, I'm more focused on myself and my personal mental and emotional growth. And sometimes you've got to, you've got to step back, and you've got to focus on those things. Because, you know, you can, you know, having known me for so long, you can probably attest to it, that it's like, being friends with me being in a relationship with me, it's not the easiest thing to do, you know, I have my my issues that you know, where you're kind of just like, what's going on with this kid, and interpersonal connections and relationships are, you know, hard for me. And it's, you know, if you're in the military and or you're, you're out and you're finding the niche, you've got the same issues, but you're not dealing with it the same way that I have that, hey, it's okay, focus on you, and go find you a good cognitive behavioral therapist, and do the work. I love that advice. I was gonna ask you what your advice would be for someone in that situation, but you gave it, yeah, do the work. And I think there's this conception, there can be this misconception that like a therapist will like solve all your problems, but really there. So I heard someone say this, and it's like, they're there to help you solve your own problems, or like work on your own self. Like, they're just there to guide you. But you're the one that has to, like, show up and do the work. It's like, still on on you. But they're like there is 100%. Yeah, it's they give you a tool bag, they give you a tool bag, and they tell you what the tools are and how to use them. And then it's on you to go use them. Like, you know, yeah, yeah, it's, hey, if you want to be able to drive like a normal human being, again, be able to function in that aspect, like a therapist is going to be able to help you identify, Hey, your your bad thought pot, your non functioning thought patterns that worked for one thing in life, but no longer work, now they're gonna be able to help you identify that, but then it's on you to go out there and start driving again. You know, it's on you to recognize that it's like, hey, the road is not going to end. Okay? That's on you to recognize it's like, they're gonna help you realize that it's like, Hey, you don't have to be in control. Like, it's not all or nothing in every relationship or interaction with another human being, you have to go out there and put these tools into practice. But one of the biggest takeaways or like lessons that you've learned since like focusing on your mental and personal health, that's a good one. I would say that contentment doesn't equal complacency. You know, I love that, I think, yeah, yeah, content, contentment doesn't equal complacency. Because this is probably the first time in my life where I'm, you know, since joining the army, where I'm content, but I'm also not complacent, like, I'm content with the things that I have. And in my job, I've learned that those things no longer define who I am as a person, like just like being in the army never defined me as a person even though I let it you know, but I'm not complete. Like, just because I'm content doesn't mean I'm complacent, I still do the work I have to do strive for better things and better things doesn't mean you know, a bigger TV, nicer car, anything like that, the better things that I'm I'm working for is the ability to communicate with the people I care about the ability to continue to give a damn about the things that I care about. And you know, not get hit with a setback and you know, fall apart like think that the world's over and or, or, you know, you know, for those of you that are out there because like I've done this and been like get hit with a setback and then think it's like, oh shit, I'm taking fire from the from the three o'clock. I mean, I need to immediately maneuver on and destroy this objective. It's, it's, it's attacking me. It's like, No, no, no, no, hold on. Like, you're not in real firefight, bro. You're like, Hey, this is this is an issue. All right. You need to learn how to, like take those triage priority things and actually go through the steps and not everything in life is a firefight. Not everything in life is an objective you have to destroy, slow down. And, you know, think about what you're doing. Don't make mistakes that will, you know, affect you later because you feel that this met TC, like, normal life isn't met TC dependent. Like you don't have to respond immediately and emotionally to everything you can take your time. And like take a breath. And like really think about like, Are my emotions valid about this? Like, what is true? What is just an idea in my head, like, really taking that and that's what I would say is the big difference between being content and complacent. Like being content allows you that allows you that ability to you know, look at your emotions, figure out why you're feeling the way that you're feeling. As opposed to being complacent, where it's like comparison is just another word for apathetic you know, where when you're content you can slowly work on your goals and get to where you want to be in be you know, moderately happy. Not even just happy just content you should be moderately just be okay with what's just okay with it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like stop chasing happiness. Like that's, that's like everybody wants to be happy all the time. Happy is a fleeting emotion, like it's a neurological thing that you feel in your brain because your your brain just in that one instance, your brain just dump this massive amount of dopamine so you feel happy. You know, where it's like what you really like, don't always be chasing dopamine. People who chase dopamine are drug addicts, okay? That's what drug addicts are. It's like you're just chasing their tail. They're chasing an external stimulus that causes them to release a massive amount of dopamine. Like being content means being okay means being at a solid baseline that allows you to function properly and plan properly and get to where you're going. Yeah, no, I love that. I think that's a perfect thing to kind of take away from this podcast is being content doesn't mean being complacent. I love that. I think that's like the perfect wrap up because, like, I know, like, there's so many lessons in the army. Like, it's everywhere, like from the army to David Goggins. So bodybuilding, like, there's all this, everything at us, especially if you're this type of person, which we happen to be is like, it's never enough like I got it, like more and more like, how can I push myself further push myself further. But there, you go off a ledge at some point in your mental health, and like other types of health, start suffering and it's not worth it anymore. Like some people need that, like they need David Goggins in their ear to push themselves. And if you're that person, like, that's great, like, go for it, listen to, like, all those motivational podcasts. But if you're the opposite type of person who is like, you will go you will take care of yourself off a cliff and the pursuit of greatness, or whatever it is, I think that's a perfect lesson is that being content doesn't mean you're complacent, and it's not bad. And there is a time to just like, level out and, and focus on like, your mental health, your personal health and what percent necessary. And if any, if anybody's you know, you know, if you're one of those people that poopoo is David Goggins, and the, you know, be a hardcore motherfucker killed a bitch inside you. It's like, hey, I've got news for you. David Goggins his content. He's not complacent. If you've seen a few of his more recent Instagram posts, especially the ones that his wife or his wife has shared, it's the David Goggins is a really boring dude. He spends all of his time working out and stretching, hours upon hours of stretching, and in that, like David Goggins, like that stretching and whatnot, like, yes, it's a physical activity. But in that time period where David Goggins is stretching, it's his minds clear, his minds clear, it's clean, and all he's focused on is what he's got to do to keep living his life, which is to stretch, to stretch, to stretch, to get those to get all those muscles loose and limber. You know, it's like I talked about cognitive behavioral therapy. And that's the exact same thing, okay? It's just my two hours of stretching a day is sitting there and focusing on or focusing on, hey, these are my thought processes about these things. Here's where the falsehoods lies, those that's me stretching my brain out, okay, that's me stretching my emotions out. That's me stretching my that's me, literally working to kill who I am, like, I'm working to kill who I am every single day. You know, and the, you know, people that hear these metaphors, like, you know, kill yourself every day, so that you can be you know, born again and they hear it and they go on That's, that's so hardcore and aggressive and it's, it's, it's really not. It's just like, hey, the only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday, the only goal you should have is to kill who you were yesterday so that you can be born a newer, better person and that newer, better person doesn't have to be, hey, I went out and ran the MOA, that newer, better person can be like, Hey, I'm gonna kill that person who has to get the Snickers every time I stopped at the gas station. Alright, that looks like just a little itty bitty death that like a little bitty piece of the person that you were killed that little itty bitty piece right there. And, and tomorrow, you're no longer that person who stops and, and, and gets the Snickers every time you stop at the gas station, you kill that person. And you're now a new new person. And, you know, it's like, Yeah, it sounds super hardcore. But it's it's really not. It's it's not that hardcore at all. It's just, it's really just old school, stoicism and Socratic, you know, thought processes like this. Yeah. And we all had a little bit more, if we had a little bit more of that where we're, we're, you know, we're chasing the contentedness and to be, you know, in control of our emotions and to slow down and not have to be in a firefight over everything that we encounter in our daily lives. We'd all be a whole lot better. Yeah. 2022 we wouldn't be walking around going like, thanks, 2020 Yeah, you know, like, do you meditate at all? I don't meditate. I listen to Jim, my meditation is to listen to audiobooks. Oh, you know, I, you know, you probably could have guessed this, I have really, really bad ADHD, which is one of those things that it's like, you know, I slowly learn a little bit more about ADHD and everything, all these little weird quirks and inadequacies that I've got. So the only way that I can shut my brain off, so that I can take in information and think about it is to listen to an audio book. Yeah, most specifically audio books, because I'm being given a point, and then being able to passively Think about it. While I'm taking in information. You know, it's the same reason why I can't sleep in a silent room, I have to have a fan like not just the tinnitus, but I have to like, like, I'd literally need, like a background thing to put my brain on a, like, autopilot type thing. Or like, yeah, yeah, that makes that makes sense. To leave us, I think I will ask you, what are three words you would use to describe a great leader, and that can be like a leader of yourself or a leader of others, which I know you've worked diligently on both, but three words describe great leadership. All right. Well, we all know that the the Fort Hood investigation came out this week. And if you haven't read it, I'm no longer a leader in the army. And I've read it. And I think that those three words just come down to I can't give three words. I think it's just a phrase. It's okay. It's give a damn. Yeah. I agree. Yeah, give it get not just give a damn about your people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, give a damn. It's like, it's really so simple. I couldn't agree more. I'm gonna let you talk. But like, I couldn't agree. Like, people. Whenever anyone asked me for advice, I all I literally want to say is like, just give a shit. Like just care, just like actually care. But like, it's, it's really amazing. Like, you can be dumb at your job. But just like, if you care and like you show up, yeah, you're above average right there. You know, when I read that, when I read that report in in the bottom line up front, in that report, one of the things that thing that stuck out to me and I haven't made an Instagram post on it, because I'm not done ruminating on it yet. But there's a line in there that I have highlighted. And it's the most important thing to the command and the army as a whole is mission accomplishment. And sharp, and soldiers welfare is a distant second. And you know, for all of this bullshit, and I want to make this 100% clear and if you're an army Homer Hear me out for a second. Okay, I want to make this 100% clear. All right, this bullshit the army has been trying to spoon feed people for the past since then. So again, situation, you know, if you see my Instagram and you go back, you understand that I'm livid about this situation. And is that this this is my squad people fucking first shit. It's like, hey, like since 1776. That was sick. No, since June 14 1775. That has been your number one thing is people first, okay. You can't accomplish the mission without your people. That should be your number one priority is your people. You And it was one of the things that I, when I got out, or before I got out my last line unit I was in in the five, eight, I had a platoon sergeant who was you know, it was brand new, fresh platoon sergeant just wrote an E seven. And he was all about mission accomplished and everything like that. And now that I look back a lot of the a lot of the issues I had at the time, but my attitude because I had a bad attitude. It was because I was burnt out, I had just done three back to back deployments. With no more than a year, and no one gave a shit. Yeah, that she had needed. But like that, like, Hey, I don't give a shit about this bullshit training cycle. Because in like, the reason that I can't sleep, I literally can't sleep. Like I'm going to doctors who are just trying to pump me full of pills. And I'm coming to you and telling you that this is the situation that's happening. And you you don't care. Yeah, you only care that I'm going to be like, Hey, I follow a lot of mean pages go follow me on pages. All right. They're blasting these units, who are pulling soldiers off of quarantine. And forcing them to go into the field. Yeah, the food situation that the soldiers see, like, I'm not in the army anymore. I don't understand why I get so upset about these things. Okay. But it comes, it comes down to the simple thing of give a damn about your people. And so many army leaders are not giving a damn about their people at all. And the army is saying it Well, hey, guess what? I've heard it. I heard it in 2006 when I joined. All right, and I've been waiting, I've been waiting almost 20 years to hear see you motherfuckers actually doing 20 years to see you give a damn about your people. Alright, and it's one of my things that I look back now. And I was like, I could have given a bigger damn about my people. Like if I didn't give him more of a damn, about getting up on the emarat or the the max Pro, and making sure that the weapon was, you know, loaded, then dibella wouldn't have broken his ankle. Like if I didn't give him more of a damn about Cabrera. All right, I wouldn't have had to, you know, gi is his gear all or you know, do gi parties on his living space in the tent all the time. Like, if I didn't give him more of Damn, I would have been a better leader. You know, and it's the same thing here. give a damn about your people. And not enough. Not enough leaders are giving a damn about your people. If you give a damn about your people, they will accomplish the mission. They're just gonna do it. Yeah, it's like that's it. That's all you have to do as a leader is give a damn about your people. And the mission will get taken care of you take care of your soldiers, you take care of your soldiers. And they will do anything for you. Anything, anything? Yeah. Well said. I couldn't agree. Yeah, I get I get, I get I get heated about this. It's it's Yeah. And like, Hey, we could do a whole nother podcast episode of just that section of just that you can come here and you can talk to me about that. We can talk about that. And we can talk about CIA at all right? Because that's a big section of that report. Okay, the big section of that report, we can talk about every IV do a podcast on every section of that report. But the thing that the biggest takeaway that I had from that report is shark and soldiers welfare is a distant second. And it's unacceptable. give a damn about your people. I couldn't agree more. Where can people find you and follow your insights on these as the world unfolds? If they they want to follow what you're saying? Well, you can you can follow me on Facebook. I'm not there all that much. Because my mom's there. So I don't I don't go there. But yeah, you can find me on Facebook at Chad Noble. And you can find me on Instagram at Chad underscore, not underscore, underscore hater underscore Noble. So just Chad not a hater noble Well, I will link it in the in the notes. Um, and it's mostly right now it's mostly pictures of my dog. And the weekend lyrics to black and white photos of stuff at the gym. But every once a while you drop those the occasional hot take on what's going on? Yeah, that's where you can find Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, everyone. Go follow Chad. And we'll have him on again soon. Thank you for talking to me. I like can't agree more with what you said. And it was awesome. To hear your story again. parts of it. Thanks. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me on your podcast. I'm a big fan. I've always been a big fan of what you're doing. And you're doing it and I could not be more proud of you as your friend here. Everything that I can hope to see you're doing everything I could possibly hope to see you do. Thank you. I appreciate that. You're welcome. All right. All right. Thanks for having me. All right. Have a good weekend, Christmas holidays, everything