From Survival To Legacy: The Story of DeShandra Cullins

What if the moment you finally said “enough” became the spark that built your legacy? We sit down with DeShandra (Monet) Cullins—a survivor, mother of five, entrepreneur, and author of You Good, Sis?—who turned lifelong trauma into a blueprint for healing, purpose, and generational change. From escaping intimate partner violence to walking into a shelter with her daughters, she shares the precise steps that moved her from survival mode to building a beauty brand that began in a women's shelter and grew into a platform for women's empowerment.

DeShandra opens up about complex PTSD and why it’s often misread as “just depression.” She breaks down how chronic trauma reshapes a nervous system, how EMDR helped her separate triggers from identity, and how simple daily structure—miracle mornings, hydration, journaling—became anchors that outlast motivation. We also spotlight the insidious tactics of financial abuse and the practical pivots that counter them: turning tax refunds into startup capital, learning credit repair and business credit, and using honest landlord letters to rebuild housing stability.

At the heart of the episode is ROOTS, her five-part framework—Reveal, Own, Open, Turn, Sustain—that integrates inner work with business strategy. You’ll hear how bold lipstick shades named for power and courage helped her reclaim her voice, why “Monet” was armor and “DeShandra” is integration, and how the You Good, Sis? book and journal teach check-ins that prevent burnout before it breaks us. If you care about survivor advocacy, faith-informed healing, entrepreneurship, or building legacy from hard beginnings, this story will change how you think about resilience.

Learn more about DeShandra and her work at www.deshandracullins.com or www.discoveringdeshandrasolutions.com and on Instagram at @discovering.deshandra

Transcript

Content Warnings & Stark Statistics

SPEAKER_01 0:00

The subject matter of this podcast will address difficult topics, multiple forms of violence, and identity-based discrimination and harassment. We acknowledge that this content may be difficult and have listed specific content warnings in each episode description to help create a positive, safe experience for all listeners.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

In this country, 31 million crimes. 31 million crimes are reported every year. That is one every second. Out of that, every 24 minutes, there is a murder. Every five minutes, there is a rape. Every two to five minutes, there is a sexual assault. Every nine seconds in this country, a woman is assaulted by someone who told her that he loved her, by someone who told her it was her fault, by someone who tries to tell the rest of us it's none of our business. And I am proud to stand here today with each of you to call that perpetrator a liar.

Meet DeShandra Monet Collins

SPEAKER_01 1:04

This conversation discusses sensitive topics of sexual assault, domestic violence, and incest. Today we're joined by DeShandra Monet Collins, a survivor, mother of five daughters, entrepreneur, public speaker, and author of the book You Good Sis. She was born into incest and grew up in a chaotic, traumatic environment, later surviving domestic violence and financial abuse in adulthood. She now lives with and actively heals from complex PTSD and has transformed her story into a mission to help other women of faith heal, rebuild, and rediscover who they are in God. Through her umbrella brand, Discovering Dishandra Solutions, she leads initiatives like You Good Sis, Bold Lips Revolution Cosmetics, and The Battle Buddies Tribe. I'm Maria McMillan, and this is Genesis, the podcast. Dishandra Monet Collins is a survivor, mother of five daughters, author of You Good Sis, and founder of Discovering Dishandra Solutions, the umbrella for You Good Sis, Bold Lips Revolution Cosmetics, and the Battle Buddies Tribe. Born into incest and raised around secrecy and chaos, she later endured intimate partner violence and financial abuse that left deep emotional scars and complex PTSD. Today she uses her story, her faith, and her roots framework reveal, own, open, turn, sustain to help women of faith heal from the inside out, reclaim their identity, and build legacy through purpose-driven products, businesses, and safe communities.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Thank you so much for having me. I am excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

I am excited for you to be here. I'm really grateful to you. I know this is the first time you're really talking very openly and publicly about your experiences. And we've had conversations in the past couple of weeks about those things. And it's an odyssey, right? It's been a long journey. It's still a journey, but you are incredibly brave and miraculously transformed yourself into this beautiful woman with an even more beautiful future ahead of her. So I'd love for our listeners to get to know you. Can you start by sharing your journey as a survivor of gender-based violence?

Childhood Trauma And Generational Patterns

SPEAKER_00 3:33

And I think a lot of the focus that I had before was, oh my God, it's this thing or this label that I've dealt with or this particular thing. But it's all come back to just trauma in general. And so now I'm in this space where I'm learning, okay, I've been through the domestic violence and then all the things. And this particular thing started it off for me. My mother was in an abusive relationship. I was in an abusive home. She was physically abusive. And so that caused a lot of stress and a lot of trauma. She was thrown into being a single mom. And so considering the circumstances, and there are a lot of factors that played into the domestic violence and watching that type of household or being in that type of household and watching that kind of traumatic experience. Shout out to my mom, for one, because of all the things that she has overcome. I wouldn't be who I am today without all of the things that she's been through. And so one of the things that she did was finally divorce my stepfather. And it sparked something in me to say, okay, she did it. Even though she took a while, my mom did it. She broke the generational curse. And so now I have to do it within mine. Even though I have my own children, um I'm like, okay, I have to do something different in order to change the trajectory of me and my children's lives. And so for me, with just abuse and violence in general, it's a hard thing to swallow. It's a hard thing to process. But once you get to the steps where it's like, I'm going to overcome this. What are the steps I need to do to overcome it? I think that's the key. And so I'm at a space now where it's like, okay, now we see where they are. With my roots framework, it's we see they were revealing the things. And that's what the revelation is. You've dealt with this trauma all your life. And these are the things that you've had to deal with as a result of them.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Yeah. And you're living with complex PTSD, which can take a long time to feel like you're on the other side of that. And I refrain from using the word heal because that's really up to you to identify whether or not you feel like any of it is healing or where you stand in the process. Let's go back to the beginning of your experience. Who is DeShandra and what happened to you?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Let me reintroduce myself because if you see my face on WFAA or Dallas News, it's Monet. So it's like, well, wait, that's not her name.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

I want us to talk about how that happened. Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

So wait, I don't know her. I know her face, but that's not the name I remember.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Right.

Leaving Abuse And Finding Shelter

SPEAKER_00 5:57

And so in 2014, 2009, I was battling and struggling with leaving the abusive relationship that I was in. And then I fought it for years. The Lord told me to move to Dallas. And I'm not moving to Dallas. I'm from Houston, so that's my city. And it's nothing in here for Houston in Dallas for me. But I didn't understand that God was providing a way of escape for me to leave that situation and to be able to start over, get a new start and all the things. But I was so in my trauma, so stuck and comfortable and what I thought was comfortable because, like I said, my family was chaotic. I was always dysfunction. So for me, if I'm going through this, I just have to deal with it. I have to push through until we get to the other side. And it's like, this is not getting any better. We have to realize when it's not getting any better, so we have to make a shift. And so for me in 2014, I moved to Dallas and I'm like, okay, Lord, we're here. Now what? And I'm thinking, I packed up my three daughters at the time, moved them up here, and moved in with my best friend. He found us at that location.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Your husband?

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Ex. Yes. And wanted to do all these things and all the extra and all the drama. And that's when I really realized the magnitude of the danger we were in. Um, at the time, like I said, because I've known him since I was 14 years old. And so we trauma bonded. We watched our moms be abused by whether it was his father and my stepfather. And we promised, I'm not gonna ever do that to you. We'll never have that experience, not understanding that because of the environments that we grew up in, we welcomed those spaces because we weren't willing to at the time get the help, get the healing. I started to slowly come into that space. And so in 2015, I moved and I'm like, okay, I moved to Dallas. The first time I heard it, I of course avoided it as much as I could. And then I moved up here. And after about three months of us being here on December the 30th of this month, we'll make 10 years since I walked into safe haven of Tierran County shelter.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

And I sit here and I'm like, I remember sitting in my car with my kids in the backseat and my godmother saying, I understand you want to stay here. It's just not safe because either somebody's gonna get hurt. My family carries. You know what I'm saying? It's like we need to get you into safety, and not only the safety, but get you some help, get you resources. And so the Lord had already given me the vision to start my cosmetics line. And I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur. And I'm like, this is a damper on our plans. This is not what I expected. We're going into a shelter. This is terrifying. And so when I think back 10 years ago, I actually walked into the shelter and gave God my all. You got it. The abuse, the relationship, my life, the trauma, you're gonna have to take it because I don't know what else to do at this point. And so the breaking point for me was I was arguing with him about a situation. He was always jealous, never anything to it, because I never cheated, but I was always accused of it. And so one of the things, he got upset through my phone, broke it, and he choked me and helped me in the shower until I couldn't really breathe. And I blacked out. And all I could hear God saying was, When are you going to leave? Your kids are in the other room. I could hear him because I wasn't completely out, but it was just that magnitude of understand the seriousness of this. I'm still providing a way of escape. Just go to Dallas. And so now these memories are like floating in my head. I'm having these flashbacks, I'm having these moments, and I'm like, okay, God, what is this? I've never been this in my language traumatized. But at the same time, I've been traumatized my whole life. This is a different experience. And so that's when I first started experiencing the traumatic flashbacks. That is one of the main factors in CPTSD. But I had no idea at the time. And finally decide, okay, we're moving. And like I said, 10 years later, December 30th, I walk in and we can only bring a certain amount of clothes. So imagine with your three children packing up clothes out of boxes and trash bags and all the things in your godmother's garage escaping. Someone you thought that you were in love with since you were 14 years old. And I thought, surely we won't do this to each other. Eventually I got into the shelter, again, went straight into the new year. The beginning of January, I began to write out in my journal because we're walking in the shelter and I'm like, oh my gosh. It's not nasty. It's clean. It's a nice environment.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

This becomes very real in that or surreal.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

I mean like knock you in the face.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

This is not your home. It's not meant to be comfortable. It is to get you to point A to point B, but it's very challenging. And then to have to walk in it by yourself is different. But to watch your three children walk behind you and you barely know what's going on, to be able to say, okay, but we got this. Mama's got this. And mama don't really know what this is, but mama got this. Right. So for them, they're seeing me show up. They're seeing me, oh, okay, like I have pictures of us, and I created collages of our family on the walls in the shelter, just so they can be able to see, okay, we still have our family. They're back in Houston. But God wanted me to step out and move into my own space. And so fast forward, maybe six to eight months later, I'm at a Safe Haven of Terrent County event. And uh I'm speaking, and like I said, I'm gonna network, I'm gonna talk, I'm gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

At that point, you're not living in the shelter.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

At this point, we're out of the shelter. Okay. So we're in transitional living. So we're still in the program under Safe Haven.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

But we're in the transitional living program. So I still have the Safe Haven caseworker. She's still checking in with me every week, and she's coming and she's seeing me package these orders while we're working through my case. And she's like, This is crazy. She said, Not crazy, but crazy. And she said, just go with me for a minute because I'm like, I'm here. But I'm literally just packaging orders. I'm just going. I'm surviving. I'm living. I'm doing what I think I have to do, not really living in the moment of look at what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Right. So let's share with listeners what you were doing.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Okay. What were the orders? What were you packaging?

Flashbacks And Understanding CPTSD

SPEAKER_00 12:17

So if you can tell by looking at me, I got some really big soup coolers here. Big lips. Okay. They're huge, right? For a long time I hated them though. And people talked about them, all kinds of derogatory names, you know, the middle school, your lips too big for your face. And I always make fun because my lips are not just big, but they stretch across my face.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Well, I mean, you're very beautiful, yes. Thank you. And I would hear that.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

But for me on the inside, because of all that trauma I experienced, it would bounce off of me. Oh, you're just saying that. Oh, my mama said that you have pretty lips. You're supposed to say that you're my mom. My parents, you're supposed to say, you know, but it didn't really resonate because I had so much deep down that was just eating up at me and eating at my self-esteem, the trauma that ate at me. And so I'm sitting here and I'm like, but I like lipstick. And my mother was the main one. Now you don't need all of that gloss. Yes, I do. And this she's like, they're big enough, you don't need to draw any more attention. That's why. Because they're so big. We look. But I would only do clear. I can only do clear. I can't do too much, or you don't want to do too much.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

But you don't want to be too much. Too much. Right.

unknown 13:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

That's also a trauma-informed response.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

I can't be. That's me though, but that's me. Why can't I be me? And so I noticed I didn't make the connection until after getting in the shelter and getting in therapy, getting in group. Didn't want to go to group, but I went to group. And I tried my best to crawl to that healing. And so for me, it was okay, you like lipsticks. You want to start a cosmetics line, but what's the root? What is the real cause of you wanting to do this cosmetics line? What does a lipstick do for you? And so I started wearing, I wore a big pink color on my lips. I have a lot of pictures. A big bright pink color. And I just thought, ooh, those are pretty. Because your lips, they're big. So bright colors are going to enhance and make them even bigger. Exactly. In turn, it made me feel better about myself. Because I'm going to rock this bold color and you're going to see this bold color and you're going to, oh, those are cute. And so in turn, it was okay. So I can start loving myself because I'm starting to come out of my shell.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

It sounds very empowering.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

It was so empowering for me. And so I wanted to give it to somebody else. So immediately we're in the shelter, I'm in the shelter, and the Lord's like, okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

How do you learn how to make lipstick? I didn't make it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

So a manufacturer. Literally, people ask me, How did you start a cosmetic sign in the shelter? I have no idea. I can't tell you. Literally every resource I had was either given to me or while I'm praying and fasting, God is like, hey, this person. I have my best friend, actually, that is here with me now, had a makeup artist that had just started her makeup line, had tons of resources. She had manufacturers at the wazoo. And so I was able to find a manufacturer and I'm sampling our products while in the shelter. The product is being shipped to my godmother's house. I'm going to get the samples. We're sampling it out in her kitchen, trying to pick out different colors, and I'm going back to the shelter right after. And it's, do we like the red? What are we going to name the red? Power. So the red is power. Okay, so I'm going to wear red this week.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

I hadn't even thought about this aspect of it. The names. Yeah, the names. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Because if they're empowering me, then I carry this power with me. The abuse tried to take it from me, tried to take my voice. Because a lot of the times when you're in abusive homes, sometimes your tone and people say, Oh, you're aggressive. Am I aggressive or am I in a fight response? Or am I in a flight response constantly? Or is that aggression from something? But a lot of the times, especially in my tone, my mom, when she said my name, and that's what we got to get back to, it scared the heck out of me, terrified me. But it was the tone in which she said it. And so a lot of the times, and just in our communities, our tone is just, especially when we get passionate, but it's also perceived as negative aggression. And so I didn't feel comfortable sharing my story. And this just happened to me, and it's okay. So it was almost like, and this may sound weird, but putting the lipstick on my lips activated my voice.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Oh, wow. What a interesting metaphor. Yeah.

Bold Lips And Reclaiming Voice

SPEAKER_00 16:21

It was like, open your mouth. There's trauma, there's all the things that you have experienced, and they've tried to hush you up because what goes on in this house stays in this house. That's the cliche. That's what everybody says. So I can't open my mouth and say that I was abused. I can't say that I am the gift born in incest. I can't say that I struggle as the first granddaughter of a pastor of a church with CPTSD due to childhood trauma. I can't say those things. I have to say those things, though. Because if I don't, then they're just shoved under the rug. And the rug is like a mountain hill high. We can't shove anything else under there. It's full. So when we start to expose the things, either it's going to rot or it's going to grow. Either it's going to die or it's going to flourish. Either way. But you got to get it from under there. And so for me, it was like, okay, so Lord, you're going to tell me to donate a portion of my proceeds. We don't have any proceeds just yet. We don't have any money just yet. You want me to give back to the women that I'm in this shelter with? So how did you get money? How did you get money to do the cosmetics line in the shelter? A lot of the times when you get into the shelter, they give you vouchers for clothing. They give you everything, hygienes, all the things that you could possibly need. Like I said, this is January and income tax is coming around. And so I qualified, of course, for income tax check. I also got back into school. And so I had income tax and refund money. Now, this is where it gets hard. This is where the decision where I'm gonna make the hard decision and invest this money. I could go get a brand new car because I had a little beat-down car. I have to show you the picture. It's my godmother's old car, grateful for that car. Do you hear? But it was a 95 fly condo accord. And it was just perfect for me and my three kids to get us back and forth to the shelter. So I could have taken it. Oh, but they need some new shoes. They need some new clothes. I don't want to get the clothes from the thrift store. I don't want the voucher. We came from a three-bedroom house. We're okay. This is not my life. Oh, yes, it is. I got almost seven grand from the refund combined with the child tax refund. Both of those combined, what can I do with it? I built a website, got the manufacturer to do the products for the samples, and I started my social media page and I just started talking. Three things. I started sharing what God was already giving me. Then I started to actually put them in action. And the main thing that I think that is important is I stayed in therapy. I'm still in therapy. Because I would have never known that I dealt with CPTSD had I not been in therapy. And so for me it was, oh, you just have depression, severe depression, severe anxiety, misdiagnosed, which is one of the main misconceptions about CPTSD. I guess let's talk about what it is. Because people just say, Oh, okay, PTSD, we get that. Military, car accidents, any type of traumatic experience that can give you PTSD. Those are isolated events. There are before and afters that happen when those events happen. But with CPTSD, that's been my entire reality. Since childhood, my reality has been trauma. My reality has been chaos and dysfunction. And so it's complex because it is something that there is no before. There's only an after. And if you can't see what it was like before the trauma, it's very hard to see the after and to see, hey, I can overcome this. It's because the main struggle is the negative self-talk. And if your abuser was verbally abusive, physically abusive, emotionally, whatever that trauma is, yes, there are flashbacks. Yes, there are moments where it's, oh my gosh, I don't know why I'm feeling these triggers. I don't know what this trigger is. But it's because my nervous system is wired in that. And it's oftentimes described as depression because you can't really see. Oh, there's also this component though where she's sometimes rageful. Why is she rageful? Is she rageful because of something else? Like before, when people call them depressive episodes, can be just laying in the bed or they could just be extreme irritability. But with CPTSD, you're irritable and annoyed all at one time and you don't want to be. But from the outside looking in, it's like, we need to stay away from her. But from what you experience, it is she's angry, she's mean, she's rude, she's this, she's that. When honestly, if you look at it from those lens, she's hurt, she's traumatized. And so the Lord literally told me when I found out that it was CBTSD, and I thought, oh, another label. I'm not taking that label. I'm not taking it. Now is something else wrong with me. No, I'm not doing it. But it helped me to also understand that it's not a label, it's an understanding. And it's something that I have to walk out. And like you said, we determine when we're healed from something.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yeah, absolutely. And there are so many elements to your story and your experience. Complex PTSD is, of course, the kind of encapsulates the effects of it. But there was also an element of financial abuse. And financial abuse is often less understood than other forms of violence. Can you describe what financial abuse looked like in your experience?

Funding A Business From A Shelter

SPEAKER_00 21:54

So a lot of the financial abuse came from my ability to provide for myself. And I didn't put this, we haven't talked about this part, but being in a trauma household or any type of trauma environment, you're impulsive. You make impulsive decisions all the time. And so it's not an excuse, but and then I also write about this in my book. There were several times where I was stealing out of Walmart. I could not afford, like I said, I was in school at the time while I was in the abusive relationship. And so from about 2010 up until I left him, so about 2014, in and out of Walmart. The girls need clothes. We need this, we need this. I need gas. I'm just gonna put it in my purse. And there were so many things. So I went to jail. Oh, you went to jail. Oh boy. That's a totally different thing. Then you go to jail and there's something on your background. When I'm already a single mom, how am I gonna take care of my kids? How am I gonna get an apartment? Just stacks stacked on to stacked on stacked on top. And so the guy that I was with at the time, my kid's father, the father of my last four children, we met in senior year in high school. And so make that connection. Met the abuser that I was with for six years and in the ninth grade, and then I met the other guy, my junior year, his senior year in high school. Only two real relationships I've ever had, literally. That also speaks to not being able to have necessarily healthy relationships because of the trauma that you've experienced. And so just to go back, I think that one of the main focuses should be what is it that you can do for yourself when you're in the relationship? Because when I I did not notice that it was abuse or financial abuse or that he was, you can't have this money or you can't go do this. And I just figured, oh, we're just budgeting. Oh, we don't have it right now, even though I might look in the account and it's a couple of thousand dollars. Surely, and I'm good at math. So I'm like, okay. But with having a background and not being able to get an apartment, I couldn't really get a job. Literally, everything that I've experienced in my life has forced me to go a different route. And because I will never probably get a job in a corporate world, I've always been an entrepreneur. I've been an entrepreneur for almost 13 years. Everything that I've been through has navigated me into the purpose that God has called me to. But especially in that particular lane of financial abuse, I never thought I would even be studying credit repair, business credit, investments. What does that look like? It's just never been an interest of mine. But when I got into the shelter, I kept hearing legacy, building legacy. Then legacy went to generational wealth. Okay, so generational wealth, if my credit is jacked up, my background is horrible. So what I would do is I would submit letters to people, to owners. This is my background, this is what I've experienced, this is what I've gone through. I have not been in jail since this time. I was in this domestic violence relationship. Whole story. I had a lot of people that really just helped me. Like, hey, you're in school, you're trying, give you a place. Two places, though, that I was living in, and he never moved in with us, but he got the apartment for us. We've stayed in the apartment for four years because, like I said, I have theft on my background, and it's 10 years old now, so it's not affecting me now, but that is the effect of it, and couldn't really get anything. So that's a way, oh, I can use this. You need me. You're capped at a certain number. You can't make a certain amount of money. For me, it was busting out of the seams because I wanted to do everything by myself that was stopping me in this abusive relationship. And so you're telling me that I can't do this. Oh, okay, let me figure out how to make enough money so that I can. So I now I need to budget. So in the transitional living home, they provided classes every Thursday. And I would take the kids to have the kids section for them. And I participated in the programs. That was a thing. Being in the transitional living, being in the shelter, it wasn't that I just took the resources and didn't do the work. I participated in everything that they offered. And so when y'all would give me financial literacy classes, oh, okay, show me what to do with this little bit of money I got left. I need to make a stretch. How can I grow it? Because I'm working on a budget and I'm trying to grow something.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

And so I learned a lot in just that amount of time. So I think that was the importance too of realizing that even in my lowest moment, in my surrender moment, I was able to say, okay, I'm I am surrendering to this moment. And so that means everything has to come into alignment financially, emotionally. I'm in therapy, physically, I'm back in school getting my degree. I graduated my degree in 2018, all of those things. And just trying to make myself whole again, but realizing the financial abuse is key because we had three children at the time. I have five now. Just understanding how to get ahead in that arena and not allowing someone to stifle you because they have the power to do so. We were evicted because he chose not to pay the rent anymore. He chose not to pay the rent anymore because I chose to end the relationship, cheated on me, infidelity, hold another child, all the things.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

And so you were upset because I put up a boundary, like, okay, we're good. And then, oh, I'm not gonna pay child support. I'm not gonna, oh, okay, so now we're back to this is just something completely different because mind you, these are two different men, and I'm but I'm still experiencing the same thing. And so it then it raised a question for me is this something that I'm doing? Is this some more work that I need to do? Because I also have to remember that both of us growing up in those childhood trauma relationships, both of us trauma bonded. And so it wasn't that it was just, oh, it's just one abuser. Both of us were a little aggressive. My mother was abusive with me. And so there were a lot of anger while I was reacting to you after you put your hands on me, true enough. But I wasn't just in this space of just take it. I've always had this, no, we're gonna fight back and we're gonna figure this out. And so that was the main thing that I wanted to do was tackle the money aspect because that's the key. They're giving you all the resources. If you have money, do what you can with it, do the best with it to make it grow so that you're not continuing to live on the system and we'll leave that there.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

That's a different chapter. For sure. I want to get to your transformation. Who is Monet?

CPTSD Explained Beyond PTSD

SPEAKER_00 28:07

Oh, that was Monet. Monet went through all of that. Monet built that brand in the shelter. Monet came out and shared her story and talked about financial abuse. Monet went up to the newscaster and they had no idea that she was a newscaster for WFAA and just showed her story and ended up on the news. That was Monet. She's just gonna speak and she's gonna tell her story and everything. She's gonna wear her lipstick and she's gonna be bold. Yeah. And she's fun and she's gonna color her hair too. So a little bit of Monet is still in here. Okay. But that was the boldness. Deschandra matured. Deschandra is the version of me that has healed to the point to where now I can really grab other women from up under me. Because before, like I said, God, you're saying donate to other women, pull back to the community, give back. But so for me, in the way me and the Lord communicate, when God gives me something, I'm like, okay, let's go. And he's wait, I've told you to do that, but I didn't tell you when. So in my head, I'm trying to make a profit and give back to domestic violence right now, while I'm starting it. And they're like, he meant just in a little bit. But I'm ambitious. But I'm trying to do both. I want to help. I really felt like you guys gave me so much in this shelter. This is how I can give back. I can motivate, I can encourage the women, I can speak to the women, I can just do calls. I just wanted to help and give back. I am still a young adult, even though I'm 38.

unknown 29:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

That is my young adult category. Got it. I am 38, but I'm in the young adult category, which I believe is like under 35.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

I I don't know. That's in my rearview mirror. Okay, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Okay, I'm not almost 40. They say you're supposed to round up at 38. That's what I'm saying. We're not doing that.

unknown 29:50

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

So me being a young adult. I feel like there are things that, of course, when I was having kids in my 20s versus having my two that I had in my 30s and experiencing parenthood and motherhood differently and seeing my mother different and healing, getting into EMDR therapy. People don't really know about it, but EMDR therapy is key to a lot of traumatic diagnosis and a lot of mental illnesses that people don't realize can bring you out of those flashbacks. And so, really getting into EMDR therapy helped me to see Deschandra. I didn't realize that Deschandra Monet didn't like to be called Deschandra because of how my mother called my name. And so for me, I lost my identity because don't call me Deschandra. That's terrifying to me. Dishandra? Are you where are you? And I was shaking. So Deschandra was a terrified little girl. She was terrified. So Monet came out and she's gone, hey y'all, how you doing? Because in eighth grade, when I moved with my father, after being abused from my mother and taken away from CPS custody, I moved in with him in eighth grade, sixth grade. And so when I was at a new school, new school district, don't call me Dishandra. Nobody called me Deschandra. To the point to where I was going up to the teachers to say, Don't call me Dishandra, my name is Monet. Because I was that terrified of being called who I am. Dishandra is my identity. That is my first name. And so I didn't want you to call it. Well, it was also people mess it up. They don't pronounce it right, all the things. But it was like, no, let's dive deeper into that. Let's really figure out why you don't want to be called your first name. And so now discovering Deschandra's solutions is, oh, we like Deschandra. She just is a little older version, a little seasoned version of Monet.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

That's a remarkable story. And it clearly reflects that you have done the work here. You have really dug deep. I'm trying. I'm so inspired by this. Thank you. I want to talk a little bit about your advocacy work. Uh, what are some ways that you support survivors and drive change?

SPEAKER_00 31:57

So, one of the ways is through my U Good Sys Dream Builder Academy that I'm launching January 24th of 2026. So excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

That sounds really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

It is so interesting. And I never thought I'd be doing it, but I'm basically teaching women how to do the exact same thing that I did at half the startup cost. And so I'm able to create brands and businesses just like I did in worse situations for other single moms and other women that may need the program. We come up with brands from your testimony. We turn your story and your testimony into a message, into a book, into vitamins, into whatever it is that brand is that represents your purpose and what you have. But the difference in our academies or our programs is that we do the root work. We do the work that requires you to be able to sustain the business.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Okay, so roots is a framework. R-O-O-T-S.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Reveal, own, open, turn, sustain. Tell us about that.

What Financial Abuse Looks Like

SPEAKER_00 32:52

So reveal the main thing. It opens up everything. Because when you come to God and you're like, okay, God, I want to do this. You sure you want to do this? Okay, I'm gonna show you the box. Are you ready? One, two, three. And then it's boom. And everything is like, oh, you need to work on this. Oh, we got to do a little procrastination we got to work on. Oh, we got a little bit of consistency we need to work on. So it reveals all the things that you may be struggling with in business or that you may need one of the principles that you may need to conquer, having discipline. Oh, is owning the healing. Okay, that hurt a little bit. You revealed that to me. Let me, but let me take this on. Let me have the accountability. Let me put my big girl panties on and put the next steps together. And then we're open to what he has revealed. What you've already shown me. This is what you've shown me. I'm open to the healing. I'm still a little struggling. I'm still hurting a little bit, but I'm also getting the emotional healing that I need too, so that I can sustain the business and not allow myself to sabotage, because that's what I did a lot of times while I was in business and in the shelter. Allow those negative self-talk things to come back to me and say, oh, come on. It's been a year and you ain't made a you ain't made but two sales or three sales or whatever it was. Honestly, I don't know if I hadn't gone viral when I did, if I would have continued because I had the motivation, but I was like, ooh, I'm not really making the money that I really want to see. But then after being on the news and then all the things, it's like, okay, the Lord is like, just stick there. We're going. We're taking you step by step. And so the T is turning it into legacy. And so that's really where I'm at right now. And just the whole general foundation and the framework of the business is turning it into legacy means so many things, not just financially generational wealth, but then also turning it into something that can heal your family through whatever that is. Hey, we have beat this addiction, we've beat this stronghold or whatever this particular struggle is that you may be dealing with, whether that's a mental illness that you're battling. We're talking about things as a family. We're having more open communication, we're having more honest communication, different things like that, where you're actually doing the root work inside of your family emotionally and mentally as well. And then the S is sustaining the shift, which is the worst, hard, easy, beautiful part of it all. Because that is where you have to know your market research. You got to know, hey, we're going into business and we're doing this, and this is the direction that we're headed for with the podcast or with the book or with this particular thing. So then we need a marketing strategy. And so that is the first part of the shift. And then they go into the next level of my private coaching program where they're able to do one-on-one help with me. I'll help them with different processes of their program or whatever their particular brand is, but we do one-on-one help too. So group coaching, cohorts, and individual is new for me, but that's Deschandra. That's Discovering Deschandra Solutions. And we are excited about getting other women who are just trying to figure out what do I do with this idea in my head? It's just an idea.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

It sounds a lot like you're learning and taking away as much as you're giving through the program. Would you say that?

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Absolutely. I go through the roots framework myself. I had to go through it myself because I felt like I have to work out these kinks. I have to understand what their processes are too, so that I can be able to say, oh, you're stuck here. Gotcha. I see where you're struggling with the with God is saying, okay, get up early. I had a period of my life where God was revealing how I was sleeping a little too much. Not resting, but just sleeping and allowing sometimes a depression or anxiety to keep me in the bed. And so I started doing miracle mornings. Miracle mornings, oh, that's a whole nother topic. Look it up. If you have not heard of miracle mornings, look it up on Amazon. You get up an hour early, you do six things for 10 minutes. Do your motivation. You can do meditation, you can do reading the word of God, you can whatever it is that motivates you. Then you're going to do your exercise for 10 minutes, whether that's yoga, I normally do bed yoga to wake me up all the way. And then we do visualization. So you're visualizing what your day is going to look like. This is what my plan is for the day. This is what I want to do. And then the next part is being able to actually walk those things up. So you're putting on workout clothes and tennis shoes so that you don't get back in the bed. And then by this time, you're up. Then you drink your water, and then you journal out three things that you're grateful for and three things that you want to accomplish in that day. And you make sure that you do that every single day. So when I started doing miracle mornings and miracle nights, that's a whole nother the nighttime routine that you do that goes. Oh my God. It's life-changing. Because if I'm asleep until eight o'clock, I've missed half the day.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

I could not agree more. You're talking to a morning person. I'm up at five, and nearly every day I'm up that early. My eyes just open.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

I don't know how. I'm a night person, so this might be good for you because I'm a night owl.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

The meaningful evenings may not work for me. I'm usually asleep by night.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

But that's still good. That's the thing. Like I can't get into bed in a miracle night, so miracle mornings make it a little difficult for me. But it's also the challenging to say, okay, and then that means I have to reflect on what I did the night before so that I can actually accomplish my miracle mornings.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

I think not to get too far off tangent, but it forces you to be a little uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Sometimes that's where the growth happens.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

That's exactly where it happens.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

And I think the hardest part for me with the evening stuff would be now I have to planing for this hour and force it into my schedule. And I don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Yeah. And that's the thing. That is the thing. I don't want to. I don't want to get up. I'm a night out. I will do it all at night and then just sleep in. No. You have to be able to have a balance because then it's trying to figure out why you're so exhausted and burnt out.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

It gives you structure.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

Structure and discipline.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

As much as a lot of humans avoid structure and think they don't want structure, we actually benefit from.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

You need it. Especially as an entrepreneur. As an entrepreneur, if you don't have the structure, who's going to go out and get the paycheck?

SPEAKER_01 38:40

The only thing motivating you is you. You. So no one else is holding you accountable.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

Nobody else is holding you accountable. Even if you have a business mentorship, they're not going to pull you out the bed. If you have a business partner or even a mentor, like a coach, they're not going to make you do anything. It's still your choice.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Yeah, you gotta be in adult good situation. You gotta shake yourself. Let's talk about the book, You Good Sis. What inspired you to write it and what do you hope readers take away?

SPEAKER_00 39:03

The inspiration behind you good sis was the desire to check on your strong friend, to be that person that says, Are you okay? Are you really okay? Because we have people that show up for us every day, sometimes 24-7, and we may take them for granted, we may overlook them, we may say, Oh, you're okay. Oh, that's just her. And we don't know that on the inside she's breaking down and she's smiling, but nobody ever asked her, like, is she okay? Nobody gave her the extension or the grace or the thought to be able to say, Hey, I'm just gonna give a little bit more of myself and extend myself to check on this other person. And in turn, it makes you also think about yourself because a lot of us are the strong friends, a lot of us are the people that are giving and pouring into everybody. Keep smiling, and then that it's me. And then I'm like, oh, my turn. And crickets, and there's nobody, oh, okay. This is how this goes.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

And it can be hard to be on the receiving end of that too.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

You know, to to really have to answer the question with a trusted friend.

Rebuilding Through Literacy And Structure

SPEAKER_00 40:13

With a trusted friend. If if you're not okay, yeah, even ask opening the idea. The question even just came from me when I was in middle school, a nurse would ask me that every day. And she was one of the nurses that had called CPS at on one of the times, are you okay? Okay, you okay? And every time she would ask, sometimes I'd be like, Yes, I'm good today. And some days I'd I would wait for her to ask me, Am I okay? And so it sparked something in me too, because I remembered that I was, I was starting to go through therapy and while I was in the shelter. I remembered those questions. I remembered that, okay, she kept checking on you. So when somebody is asking you something, it makes you look and say, Am I okay? And so the also the other idea of you good sis is to be able to check on yourself and look within yourself and say, Good morning. Do you have the ability to give today? What does your capacity look like? Do you have the capacity to be a mother, a full wife, to be whatever that looks like? And if you don't, if your energy is running low, then what do we need to do to refill your cup before you pour out to anyone else? And so in my book, there are mental health check-ins at the end of each chapter and there are questions that you ask yourself and you do that daily. How am I doing today? And if I can't do this, what boundary do I need to put in place so that I can avoid having to be burnt out all the time? Because when we don't check on ourselves and when we don't check on our friends, then we end up the ones that are burnt out and we're not understanding why this person is distant, and then we're disassociated and then we're disconnected. And they gave you the signs months and months ago, and all of a sudden it's what's wrong with her? What happened? But she'd been holding it in for so long that the soon as somebody could say, You good, sis, she broke. And sometimes it was too late. Or sometimes she broke and it was, yes, please just give me a hug. That's all I need. And so, even just as so much as a group text. So it's it started from a group chat. I have a group chat of eight girlfriends, and that's what we do. You good, sis? What's going on? And sometimes it's like, no, we're not good, sis.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

We need some help in here.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

Send reinforcements, we are not good. And then other times it's we're doing good. How can we help you? How can we support? So it's about building community and being able to be there for your sister, for your friend, for your brother also. It's not just gender-based, sis. Right. But it's literally just extending that community out to the other people.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

We all need each other. We need each other. We need a community. For those listening who see themselves in your story, what words of encouragement would you leave them with? And where can they find your book and your work?

SPEAKER_00 42:39

So they can go to DishandraCullins.com. Did y'all hear that? DishandraCullins.com.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Love it.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

I'm not used to using Deschandra, so I love being able to say that.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Where's Monet? That should be your next book. Oh my gosh, I was just thinking that. This is great. Are you kidding? Literally, I was so aligned.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

Who is Monet has to be next because they're gonna want to know like Monet Cullins wrote this book, but this is not the name that's DeShandra. It's by Monet Cullins. And I'm not gonna change it because I want that to be like, okay, who is Monet Cullins type of idea? You can find the book at deshandracullins.com. You good sis is the book title, and the journal is also downloadable and it is available on Amazon. You can go to Amazon or DeschandraCullins.com to purchase it, and you can sign up for all of the mentorships and all of the programs that we have also on DeshandraCollins.com website starting January 24th. And for my sis and my friends and my family and all the people that are listening, even if you're sneaking, because I know that life too, trying to just listen for a little help. I'm here for you. I'm here to support you. If you hear yourself in my story, I just want you to know you're not crazy. You're not alone, you're not too late, you're not broken, you're not damaged, you're not what happened to you. But you're becoming. You're becoming who God has called you to be. So let's walk into that together. I'm here to support you. You good, sis.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

Thank you so much for being here today.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Thank you for having me. This has been really encouraging for me because even with some of the questions, it has sparked a lot for me to recognize what I've accomplished. Because, like I say, with the negative self-talk, that's easy. You hear all the negative. But it you don't always take time to look and say, pause. Look at what has happened over the last three years, over the last two months. Look at what you've accomplished. And those moments make a huge difference.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

Thanks so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe. The 21st Annual Conference on Crimes Against Women will be held May 18th through the 21st, 2026 in Dallas, Texas. Learn more at conferencecaw.org and be the first to know about all conference details, as well as the latest on the Institute for Coordinated Community Response, Annual Conference Summit, Beyond the Bounds, and the National Training Center on Crimes Against Women. When you follow us on social media at NationalCCAW.