revolupo - Poetry and Revolution

4 #LOVE-6-Lockdown Liberation

May 31, 2020 David Lee Morgan (davidword) Season 4 Episode 6
revolupo - Poetry and Revolution
4 #LOVE-6-Lockdown Liberation
Chapters
revolupo - Poetry and Revolution
4 #LOVE-6-Lockdown Liberation
May 31, 2020 Season 4 Episode 6
David Lee Morgan (davidword)

LOCKDOWN LIBERATION 

All my life I have found it hard to make relationships, hard to be in love, harder still to let myself be loved. And I have always felt… guilty, inadequate, judged – by myself as well as everyone else – for being alone. Those few times when I have been in a love relationship have been supremely important to me. I have learned so much from those I have loved. Every break up has hurt me a lot, but even in the middle of each one, I knew that it was a small price to pay for the richness that love had brought into my life. 

 

But also, I was using love as a cover, as validation, as proof that I was a normal boy. And I never was normal, not even close. Maybe that’s why the loves never lasted – I was trying to cash in on love, rather than just… loving. 

 

The lockdown – and old age – has freed me from this. Not all the way – a lot of who we are never changes – but I don’t feel the weight of expectation or judgement now. I have always enjoyed my own company, but now I’ve noticed this, maybe for the first time, noticed how much I enjoy being alone. Maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe not. I think I’m at peace with either way. We’ll see. 

 

 

Show Notes

LOCKDOWN LIBERATION 

All my life I have found it hard to make relationships, hard to be in love, harder still to let myself be loved. And I have always felt… guilty, inadequate, judged – by myself as well as everyone else – for being alone. Those few times when I have been in a love relationship have been supremely important to me. I have learned so much from those I have loved. Every break up has hurt me a lot, but even in the middle of each one, I knew that it was a small price to pay for the richness that love had brought into my life. 

 

But also, I was using love as a cover, as validation, as proof that I was a normal boy. And I never was normal, not even close. Maybe that’s why the loves never lasted – I was trying to cash in on love, rather than just… loving. 

 

The lockdown – and old age – has freed me from this. Not all the way – a lot of who we are never changes – but I don’t feel the weight of expectation or judgement now. I have always enjoyed my own company, but now I’ve noticed this, maybe for the first time, noticed how much I enjoy being alone. Maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe not. I think I’m at peace with either way. We’ll see.